Archive of Our Own

“So, we actually have some very exciting news to share on the podcast today,” Cat straightens her back out as she smiles towards the camera, excitement bubbling up inside of her.

“That we do,” Julie chimes in.

“As some of you may know, or at the very least seen if you keep up with Sam or Michael on social media, Michael did have his baby a few weeks ago. It was a bit scary in the moment, but they’re both doing just fine now. They’re back at home, soaking up all of the newborn cuddles that they can get—”

“I loved that stage,” Julies adds.

“—and Michael did say that he wants to come on the podcast eventually to talk about it, but that’s completely his story to tell. However, I have gotten permission to tell one story on the podcast, because I was there to witness it happen and had to intervene.”

“Oh no,” Julie sighs.

“I don’t think I’ve actually told you the full story of what happened,” she starts, trailing off into thought.

“All I know is that Sam was supposed to name their child and did something?” Julie’s words trail off into a question as she tilts her head slightly.

“Oh, he did something alright,” Cat jokes, the sides of her eyes crinkling up into a smile. “But let me start at the beginning first, otherwise I might end up talking in circles, because I still can’t wrap my head around any of it,” her head shakes still in a brief moment of disbelief as her eyes fall down towards her desk. She let’s out a long sigh, before beginning to speak again. “So, for the duration of Michael’s entire pregnancy, they’d been struggling to come up with a name—”

“Mhm,” Julie hums, nodding slightly. “That became the hard part for us too, can’t imagine for someone that young with so little world experience.”

“Oh yeah,” Cat agrees vehemently. “Michael didn’t want to know the baby’s sex, and having no real direction, they just ended up using the name Little Dickie as a placeholder. Sam found it funny and Michael just gave into it, and thus, Little Dickie was practically the name of their child—”

“Oh no—”

“—but before Michael gave birth, they had landed on a few agreed names that they could use, and Sam was put in charge of filling out the paperwork.”

“Right, dad’s duty and all that.”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Plus Michael knew that he would probably be out of it and for so many reason that I won’t get into, it was just better if Sam filled it out. And all of that should have been fine. An issue, however, did arise from it.”

“Oh no, he did what I think he did, didn’t he?”

“So, the morning after Michael gave birth, Ty and I went to visit him and the baby in the hospital, and of course Sam was there at Michael’s bedside. Michael, having had a rough birth, was sound asleep when we arrived, so that freed up some time for me to hold the little angel. And while I was holding the baby, Sam decided it would be the perfect time to fill out the birth certificate. I had this little bundle of joy in my hands, cooing up at me, all gassy smiles, when I glance over and see Sam writing the letter L, followed by an I. So quickly I had to pass the baby off to Ty and yanked the pen out of his hands right as he finished a second letter L. He was fully about to name their baby Little Dickie. I don’t think I’ve ever had to scold a grown man harder—”

“Grown’s debatable,” Julie says, causing Cat to roll her eyes.

“Grown enough to know he shouldn’t name his child Little Dickie—”

“Okay, that’s true.”

“Then, to make matters worse, he wanted to make the baby’s middle name Sam. A name that was not approved of. Thankfully, we were able to get a new birth certificate to put down a proper name, but for a minute there I almost legally had a grandchild named Little Dickie.”

“Awe, they asked you to be a grandparent?”

“That interaction alone aged me enough to actually be one,” she jokes. “But yeah, all the baby shark’s children are practically my grandchild.”

“Isn’t that only WillMack’s and Sam and Michael’s children?”

“Luca is also pregnant—”

“Oh right!”

“So I’ve moved up the ranks a lot in regards to grandchildren—”

“Oh yeah, I can’t even imagine….” Julie trails off as their conversation turns towards welcoming their guest onto the podcast instead.