Work Text:
You don't have to listen to me.
You don't have to worry about me.
You don't have to love me.
Yellow made his way to the punishment room, so familiar with the path that his footsteps felt automated. The familiarity was useful. With his eyes feeling heavy and a wave of exhaustion swallowing him, he wouldn't have had the energy to figure his way around anywhere else.
The day had been…rough. It started off as good, because of course it did, because of course he had to ruin it…but him and Blue had an argument in the afternoon. It was small, really. Definitely nothing compared to Toriel and Asgore's fights (Yellow would know, he spent an hour comparing the events to each other and evaluating if there relationship was gonna be okay). He reminded himself that over and over, the words playing in his head like a broken record.
It wasn't bad. It was normal. It's okay.
Things happen. Misunderstandings happen.
It's okay, it's okay…God, he kept trying to feel okay, but it didn't work.
That's why he always ended up in the room. He wanted to avoid it, he really did, but that deep feeling of it being what he deserved never washed away. He could try to use logic like how Blue taught him to, but it just didn't feel right.
So, he went to the thing that called him: self punishing.
Yellow looked around the room, the soft lantern in his hand just illuminating what laid in front of him. He made his way to the jail cell by memory, and opened it up to put himself in it.
He chose one with a lock this time. And after shutting it tight, he threw the key across the room through the bars.
No going back now.
He curled up into the corner and closed his eyes. Yellow was just going to stay here until it stopped hurting…until he felt the weight of what he had done was lifted from his shoulders, and he had done enough to prove he didn't want to be no criminal.
He waited until the sun set fully to punish himself. He didn't want Blue to see this time. If there was anything Yellow couldn't stand, it was the idea of Blue feeling guilty. Blue would never be guilty, but if he saw Yellow all messy after a misunderstanding, well…naturally, he'd assume it was on him. But no matter what, it was never his fault, and Yellow wanted to make sure he would never think otherwise.
Even if something happened between them that triggered this difficult compulsion, it's not like Blue could control how Yellow's brain would respond or how he would feel. If it wasn't something between them, it could have easily been something else, as well. Whether it was a small fight or the breaking of a single plate, Yellow had never been familiar with the concept of being nice to himself. It was far from natural to him.
It was deeply quiet. No music coming from the diners, no sounds of crows beckoning for attention, and no signs of unrest from the other flowers…it was simultaneously calming and painful. He'd be getting what he deserved, and he'd be getting it with no interruption…yet, he kind of yearned to have the expectant feeling of someone coming to help him. How could he hate himself so much, yet selfishly wish for comfort all at once? God, his brain was always in an argument with itself.
Yellow switched from being hunched over to laying on his back against the hard floor. It was more comfortable than he deserved, but he didn't have it in him to bother fixing that. He put so much time into masking earlier, so that no one would have suspected he was going to the punishment room. He was really dedicating himself to the isolation.
Good. You should'a done this earlier.
Yellow didn't remember falling asleep. He hadn't meant to- he was planning on depriving himself of the comfort of the rest, of the escape from his feelings in his slumber- but he had failed to prevent it.
He woke up to the bright lights of the cell turning on. Those were automated, right…?
"Yellow, dear, are you here?"
Oh no. What time was it? Why is he looking? Surely someone didn't need me this early-
Yellow tightly gripped onto his hat in shame. Damn Yellow! Can't even punish yourself without getting caught red-handed.
He heard soft shuffling make its way towards his cell. The gentle, graceful footsteps he knew only belonged to one flower.
"Yellow, oh my, what on Earth happened? I couldn't find you at the cafe for breakfast, and I didn't hear about any incidents occurring yet…this is about yesterday, isn't it?"
Blue was too smart for his own good, dang it.
"N-no, siree. I just…found…the ground real cozy", Yellow awkwardly replied.
Blue opened his eye in a suspicious glance, slightly startling Yellow. It was a rare sight that meant he was getting serious now.
"So cozy that the key just happened to end up on the ground, very conveniently far away from you to prevent your escape?" Blue questioned.
"I'm sorry Blue…I'm being a dirty liar now too, on top of everything…"
"Sweetheart, I had believed we resolved everything…you told me you were feeling okay."
A sudden realization hit Blue.
"Oh, no…that's why you ran off to 'sheriff duties', isn't it? To hide your true emotions?"
A butterfly manifested out of seemingly thin air, appearing in front of Blue's face.
"Mr. Butterfly doesn't approve of that. It is not good for you, dear."
"I'm real sorry, Blue! I just…I didn't want ya to feel bad!"
Blue paused, thinking of what to say.
"Well, darling, let's talk about it. The more we communicate, the less either of us will have to feel bad, right?"
Yellow scratched his neck in embarrassment. "I s'ppose so…"
"Then, tell me dear, when did you feel bad, why, and when did you bring yourself here?"
"Well-well after that disagreement we had, I was feeling all sorts of ways. But I couldn't think of anything that would make it feel better. You already told me you weren't mad at me, a-and that I hadn't hurt you or done anything wrong! You said we had got the issue settled! So- so I…I lied and said I was fine, cause I didn't know what to do!"
Yellow continued, speaking faster now, "I was still worried you'd love me less- which if you did would be totally valid and understandable- and then I started having all these thoughts about everything I've done that might have come off as annoying or inconsiderate-"
Blue interrupted, trying to keep up with the chaotic and harsh flow of Yellow's brain. "Yellow, honey, slow down…what I am hearing is, even though you were aware nothing had torn between us, your mind wanted to latch onto to the idea that you shouldn't be loved? And it searched far and beyond to find a reasoning why?"
Yellow nodded slowly, looking away in shame.
"I dont want ya to always…have to worry about taking care of me, when I get like this. I know I do it a lot, I'm sorry…I just dunno how to make it stop. I'm sorry, I'm too darn stupid to figure it out…"
Blue paused for merely a moment, then spoke softly to Yellow,
"We are all new to our form of consciousness. We are all discovering the ways in which our forms take shape and emotions flow through our vessels. It's okay to not have it all figured out. But if anything ever transpires again, don't be afraid to speak honestly. Even if I am tired, I want to know how you are doing."
Blue saw Yellow's breathing steady out, and decided to continue, "I know you don't mean to be so afraid and sorrowful. No one would wish this upon themselves. Do not let your brain trick you into thinking your heart isn't worthy of the utmost affection. Now, may I let you out of there?"
Yellow smiled softly. Doubts were still in his brain, but the volume of them had decreased. "Sure thing, if ya really wanna.."
"Of course I do, love. Would you like to go to the hot tub? It might be good for you."
"Aw, shucks (said for corn reasons). You're too good to me, Blue."
"Nonsense. You just have to work on being able to see the love you deserve. No matter what you struggle with, or who you are…you're worthy of the utmost care."