Work Text:
Things had been different, this time around. Subtly different, slightly different, and Lu Guang hadn't yet decided if it was time to panic. He'd felt panic bubbling nevertheless.
This was different, too. Not quite so subtle, though still, he supposed, slight. Lu Guang wasn't sure if panic was due yet, but he felt something close to it stifle the air in his lungs.
"Oh," said Cheng Xiaoshi. "Huh. I thought… did we not get a room with two beds?"
Lu Guang stared at the plain white sheets on the singular double bed before him. "We did. This is probably a mistake. I'll go back and—"
"Eh," Cheng Xiaoshi interrupted, dropping bonelessly onto the bed face-first. His feet dangled over the edge, and he kicked them twice. Lu Guang fought down the surge of affection that threatened to overwhelm him. Cheng Xiaoshi said something, but it was garbled by the mattress and sheets he spoke into. He turned his head, catching Lu Guang's eye with a smile. "It's fine. We sleep on the same bed at home anyways."
Lu Guang resolutely did not smile. He huffed, but came over to sit beside Cheng Xiaoshi nevertheless, which was as good a show of defeat as any. He may as well have tilted his head back to present his throat to Cheng Xiaoshi. He knew Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn't tear through. "That's not the same, idiot."
Cheng Xiaoshi made a vague gesture with his hand, flopping it around. "Vertical, horizontal, it's all basically the same. Bunk bed, double bed." Cheng Xiaoshi flipped himself, and Lu Guang only just moved away quick enough for Cheng Xiaoshi to not end up in his lap. He pressed his fist against his side so that he didn't give in to the temptation to run his fingers through Cheng Xiaoshi's hair. He ached to. "Aw, Guangguang," Cheng Xiaoshi sang, teasing, and Lu Guang breathed in deeply. Nothing good came from that tone. Cheng Xiaoshi slung his arms around Lu Guang's waist, head plopping onto Lu Guang's lap, with nothing but complete disregard for Lu Guang's careful distancing. "Don't you want to sleep with me? Are you shy?"
Lu Guang had to spend several seconds swallowing his heart back down into its rightful position behind his ribs. It had never been easy, not when it felt like Cheng Xiaoshi had complete possession over it, and certainly not now. "Idiot," Lu Guang reiterated. "Don't be ridiculous."
Cheng Xiaoshi patted Lu Guang, his current pose meaning that the furthest he could reach was somewhere around Lu Guang's waist. Lu Guang tried very hard not to think about it too hard. He tried to focus on the solid, warm weight of Cheng Xiaoshi, reassuring, alive. Lu Guang wanted, desperately, to twine his fingers with Cheng Xiaoshi's. He clenched his fist tighter. "Attaboy," Cheng Xiaoshi said with mock-seriousness. His head tilted, then, in consideration, his eyes lighting up with something, and Lu Guang had never lived through this particular scene before— why was there only one bed? What had changed to make that happen?— but he knew the question before it rose to Cheng Xiaoshi's lips: "Hey, do you think this room is cheaper than the one with two beds?"
Lu Guang sighed and tapped at Cheng Xiaoshi's arm to signal him to get up and off him. He mourned the loss of the warmth. He wanted to wrap his palm around Cheng Xiaoshi's arm and keep him there forever, within Lu Guang's grasp, in this tiny little hotel room, away from the world at large. "I'll go ask."
"You better snap out of it. You're the only person in the studio now." Lu Guang's breath caught in his throat. "If you don't step up, how can we rest assured?"
There was panic burning an acidic path up his throat. No, no, no. That wasn't— no, Lu Guang had gone back, he was going to fix things, he wasn't— "The only person?" he echoed dumbly.
The morning light had given away to something dim, something crimson, something Lu Guang did not want to name. The floors were wet. They shone with it. His vision swam, ears ringing in the aftermath of an explosion too close. Lu Guang did not want to look up. Lu Guang had no choice.
It painted Cheng Xiaoshi in vicious streaks, his face, his throat, his shirt, and Lu Guang wasn't breathing when Cheng Xiaoshi smiled, softly, sadly. "We've all died," Cheng Xiaoshi told him, gentle. "Remember?"
There wasn't enough air in his lungs.
No, he thought. No, no, no, no, no—
There wasn't enough air in his lungs.
I'll fix it, I'll fix it, I'll fix it—
There wasn't enough—
Lu Guang breathed in, ragged, desperate, sweat cooling at his temples, his skin clammy. The ceiling pooled into his vision, dark. Remember? No, no, no— Lu Guang cast his gaze about, frantic— the other side of the bed was empty, cold when he stretched his arm across, and he could feel his heart in his throat, and he didn't have enough strength to swallow it back down, and— Cheng Xiaoshi knelt by the foot of the bed, arms curled around the crook of Lu Guang's knee. Lu Guang drew in another few breaths, let the touch ground him. Warm, warm, warm and alive.
Things were spiralling out of control. Lu Guang could feel it in the pace of his heart, rabbit-fast. Cheng Xiaoshi hadn't handed him the photo immediately. Xia Fei's poster had changed. Liu Xiao had showed up. There was only one bed. They'd met Vein. Lu Guang was lost. He had to fix this.
"Lu Guang?"
Lu Guang stiffened. He did not answer.
Cheng Xiaoshi kept his voice gentle. Lu Guang felt nausea stir within him. "Hey, are you— ah, you're awake." His smile wasn't sad, but it was soft. It was still dark out, casting Cheng Xiaoshi's face into hazy uncertainty. He'd moved. His arms were no longer around Lu Guang's knee. Lu Guang felt panic seize at him with arresting rapidity. "You should've told me you were— oh."
Lu Guang couldn't breathe. He needed to breathe. He needed Cheng Xiaoshi safe, forever, within his grasp. He needed to feel the warm weight of him, alive. He needed— there was nothing to remember. It had never happened. It would never happen. Lu Guang would make sure of it. He would fix it.
"…Lu Guang?"
Lu Guang forced himself to loosen the death grip he had caught Cheng Xiaoshi in. His fingers did not want to let go, digging into Cheng Xiaoshi in a way that was no doubt bound to be painful. He wondered if it would leave marks. "Sorry," he grit out.
Cheng Xiaoshi did not pull away. His arms wound around Lu Guang, held him gently. He could feel Cheng Xiaoshi shake his head. "Hey, no, it's fine, okay? It's okay. You're okay. Bad dream?"
Lu Guang was shaking, he realised. He was sure Cheng Xiaoshi could feel it, could feel him, trembling in his arms as though he were moments from falling apart. He tried clearing his throat. His voice was still thick when he spoke. "Something like that."
"You're running a fever, too," Cheng Xiaoshi told him, rubbing one hand up and down Lu Guang's back. It was soothing. Lu Guang tried to pretend that he hadn't tucked his face into the crook of Cheng Xiaoshi's neck to breathe him in. "You should sleep it off. I've got some meds here for you, and a glass of water on the table."
"I'm fine," Lu Guang said. He didn't think it was very convincing. Cheng Xiaoshi sighed against him. He could feel the ghost of his breath condense across his nape.
"No," Cheng Xiaoshi said, and he left no room for argument. "You're not. We can talk about this in the morning, okay? But right now, you're going back to sleep."
Lu Guang said nothing. He was tired. He was exhausted, for reasons Cheng Xiaoshi could never know.
"Look, I'll just—" Cheng Xiaoshi was moving, and Lu Guang could not be held accountable for the way his arms tightened around him. Cheng Xiaoshi chuckled. It reverberated against Lu Guang's own chest. "Relax. One bed, remember?" Lu Guang closed his eyes, trying not to make the shift in his breathing obvious. Remember? No, no— "Let me just shimmy over, yeah?"
Cheng Xiaoshi did, in fact, shimmy over, crawling over Lu Guang awkwardly with his arms still wrapped around him. When he'd managed to swing his legs up and beneath him, he flipped them both over suddenly, earning a quiet oomph from Lu Guang. Cheng Xiaoshi lay on his back, holding Lu Guang tight against him, one hand stroking Lu Guang's hair, and Lu Guang's heart hurt.
"Get some sleep," Cheng Xiaoshi told him again, fingers drawing a long and repetitive path from the top of Lu Guang's head to the small of his back. "I'm right here."
Lu Guang hesitated before he thought, fuck it. Things had changed so much already. This was just another on the list.
Lu Guang settled his head against Cheng Xiaoshi's chest and fell asleep to the rhythm of his heartbeat.