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The first thing Eddie feels when he blinks his eyes open is a weight pressing down on him. Not heavy, just…new. Warm and comforting.
He opens his eyes slowly, blinking against the golden morning light spilling through the gap in the curtains. His bedroom is quiet except for the distant hum of traffic and the soft, even breathing against his chest.
Buck.
Buck’s asleep with one arm slung possessively over Eddie's waist, his face buried against Eddie's shoulder like he'd simply melted there overnight. His hair’s sticking up in every direction, and there’s a faint crease from the pillow pressed into his cheek.
Eddie smiles before he can stop himself.
His boyfriend.
The word floats through his head so gently it almost doesn’t seem real.
Boyfriend.
Not partner at work. Not best friend. Not the person who somehow always ended up at his house three nights a week.
His boyfriend.
An elated laugh threatens to escape him.
Yesterday had been... a lot.
A movie with Christopher, who had very dramatically announced halfway through that he was spending the night at Pepa's because "you guys clearly need to talk."
Buck’s cheeks had dusted with a light pink, and Eddie had nearly choked on nothing.
Christopher had grinned like the tiny menace he was before grabbing his overnight bag and leaving with a cheerful, "Don't stay up too late!"
They had, in fact, stayed up very late.
Not because anything spectacular had happened.
Mostly because once Buck had admitted he'd been in love with Eddie for- honestly, neither of them knew how long- they'd spent hours talking.
About every almost. Every misunderstanding. Every time one of them had nearly said something, which had apparently been many times. Every stuttered moment that suddenly made perfect sense.
Their first kiss hadn't been dramatic either. Buck’s eyes had bounced from Eddie’s eyes to his lips, and he’d been halfway through saying, "Can I maybe—"
Before Eddie had cut him off and kissed him because he couldn't wait another second.
It was soft, and mellow. A slow, gentle press of lips as they poured their love and affection into each other. A languid kiss where they hesitantly took each other’s faces in hand. Eddie had stroked a thumb gently over Buck’s cheek, sighing into his mouth. Buck had hummed against his lips, sucking Eddie’s bottom lip between his own with a stuttered groan.
But now it’s morning. Now Buck is asleep in his bed and everything has changed. And somehow, at the same time, nothing had.
Buck makes a tiny sleepy sound into Eddie’s chest, his nose scrunching as he adjusts.
"...Stop staring," he mumbles without opening his eyes.
Eddie scoffs, though it’s lighthearted. "I wasn't."
Buck chuckles under his breath, his eyes still closed. "Liar."
"You were asleep, there’s no way you know what I was looking at," Eddie argues.
Buck shrugs, then nestles closer in. "I can feel it."
Eddie huffs out a laugh. "You can feel me looking at you?" he asks, incredulously
Buck nods very solemnly despite still being mostly unconscious. "You've got... staring energy."
Eddie’s eyes roll, "That's not a thing."
Buck snorts a laugh into his chest, then mumbles "It absolutely is."
“Nuh-uh,” Eddie argues, paying no attention to how childish he sounds.
Then Buck finally cracks one eye open. The second their gazes meet, they both freeze. Though it lasts all of maybe two seconds. Then Buck's entire face lights up.
"Oh."
Eddie can actually see the memory arriving. The cogs turning in his head, the realisation hitting him. He waits with bated breath. What for, he’s not sure.
Rejection, maybe? For Buck to stutter his way through taking this back and letting Eddie down gently? For Buck to realise he regrets it?
"Oh," Buck repeats, smiling wider. "Morning."
"Morning," he says, his voice coming out all gravelly and rough.
Buck’s voice is laced with awe as he whispers, "my boyfriend."
Eddie’s breath catches in his chest, and he feels heat climb all the way to his ears. He tries to hide his reaction, choosing to steer towards pointless humour instead. "You really just said that out loud?"
Buck's grin somehow grows, and his arms wrap tighter around Eddie’s waist. "My boyfriend."
Eddie rolls his eyes again, turning to look at the ceiling so Buck doesn’t see the pink that fights to consume Eddie’s face. His voice comes out a little strained and choked as he says, "Okay."
Excitement dances in Buck’s voice, as he once again repeats, "my boyfriend."
"Buck."
"My—"
Eddie can’t take it anymore, can’t listen to Buck call him that any more without spontaneously combusting. So, to shut him up, he leans forward and kisses him.
Because he can do that now.
Because he wants to.
Buck makes a tiny, startled noise before immediately melting into it, smiling so much the kiss barely works. When they pull apart, Buck’s still smiling wider than Eddie thinks he’s ever seen.
"I was saying something."
Eddie nods, "I know."
Buck raises a bow, then says, "You interrupted."
Eddie nods again, grinning, "I did."
Buck pretends to think very hard about something, before simply offering "...Worth it," with a shrug.
Eddie rolls his eyes. "You are such a dork."
Buck nods, a giddy smile on his face, which he buries back in Eddie’s chest. "I have a boyfriend now. I can be as dorky as I want," he says, his voice muffled into Eddie’s skin.
"You were this dorky before though," Eddie argues.
Buck hums, then says, "Yeah, but now it's romantic."
Eddie shakes his head, then says, "It is absolutely not romantic," before tightening his hold on Buck, pulling him in closer.
He watches as Buck’s face flushes as he’s reeled in, then he gasps dramatically. "You wound me."
Eddie laughs again, a gentle giggle under his breath.
God. He can’t remember the last time smiling had felt this effortless.
Buck’s watching him with that impossibly soft expression that always makes Eddie feel like someone has reached inside his mind to show him exactly what sunshine is like.
"What?" he asks, struggling to handle having Buck look at him the way he is.
Buck shakes his head, then quietly says, "you smile differently."
Eddie scoffs, shaking his head as he looks back at the ceiling, "I do not."
"You do," Buck argues.
Eddie huffs, then says, "I smile exactly the same."
"Nope," Buck reaches up, brushing his fingertips against Eddie's cheek, "this one reaches your eyes more."
Eddie swallows. "You've been paying that much attention?"
Buck gives him a look, "Eddie."
Right. Of course he had. Buck notices everything.
The times Eddie forgets to eat. When his shoulder starts bothering him. The nightmares that are worse than others. Whether he'd slept or whether he'd smiled because he meant it or because he was pretending.
Buck always notices.
Now Eddie gets to stop pretending it doesn’t mean anything.
"So," Buck says quietly.
Eddie takes a deep breath, then says, "So."
"We're..." Buck starts, his voice trailing off as he struggles to find his words.
But Eddie knows what he means. So he nods, and simply says, "Yeah."
"We're really doing this?" Buck asks, his eyes wide and earnest.
Eddie answers by threading their fingers together beneath the blankets. His hand is shaking a little, and the feel of Buck’s fingers tangling with his own has his heart hammering in his chest. Buck looks down at their joined hands like he's discovered gravity for the first time.
"Oh," Buck says under his breath, which hitches in his chest as Eddie squeezes his hand a little.
"What?" Eddie asks, scanning his face to try and make sense of his reaction.
Buck’s brow furrows, but then a small smile takes over his face. "I can hold your hand," he says simply.
Eddie raises a brow as he says, "You've held my hand before."
Buck shrugs, nods and says, "Yeah, but..." then he squeezes Eddie’s hand back just as gently. "It was different."
Different. That’s exactly it, the explanation Eddie was looking for.
Nothing has changed, but everything has changed. It’s all different.
Buck lifts their joined hands to inspect them with exaggerated seriousness. "I think they fit."
Eddie’s answering smile is small and fond. "You think?"
Buck shrugs, exaggerated seriousness still ever-present on his face. "Might need further testing."
"Well? Have at it," Eddie says, nodding towards their still joined hands.
Buck intertwines their fingers more deliberately, then hums, "hmm."
"And?" he asks.
Buck nods, looks back up to meet Eddie’s eyes, then says, "they definitely fit."
Eddie snorts, "You are ridiculous."
Buck shrugs, a smug grin on his face, "You like me."
Eddie pretends to debate it, then says, "I tolerate you at most."
Buck’s eyes narrow, "Liar."
"I put up with you."
Buck leans closer until their noses bump, then thinks about it and swings a leg over Eddie’s hips until he’s perched in his lap. His hands rest gently on Eddie’s chest, and he delights in the way he can feel Eddie’s heart hammer in his chest.
Eddie’s breath hitches, then his hands come up to rest on Buck’s hips gently. Eddie squeezes the skin gently as Buck settles into place.
"You kissed me," he argues, a smile threatening to take over his face.
"Y-yeah, I did." Eddie agrees, his eyes roving over Buck’s entire body. Over the plush of fat over his chest and the broad muscles of his shoulders.
Buck continues, stroking his thumbs back and forth over Eddie’s skin, "multiple times."
Eddie smiles, then jokingly says, "I have regrets."
Buck's smile softens into something quieter. “No you don't."
"No, I don't," Eddie agrees.
Buck hesitates for a second, then asks, "You really don't?"
Eddie doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he reaches up and smoothes a stubborn piece of hair off Buck's forehead.
It springs right back so he tries again, only to get the same result.
Buck watches him fondly, waiting patiently for Eddie to finish.
Eddie sighs when it doesn’t work, resigning to let the curl hang. Instead, he twirls it around the tip of his finger as he admits, "I really don't.”
Buck's voice drops into something almost shy, "Can I ask something?"
Eddie raises a brow, then asks "When have you ever needed permission?"
Buck ignores that, then asks "Can we... stay here for a little while?"
Eddie looks toward the window. Sunlight. Responsibilities. Laundry. Breakfast. All things they ideally should do right now.
Christopher will eventually come home, undoubtedly armed with far too many questions.
The world is waiting. But, Eddie decides, it can wait another hour. He looks back at Buck, then nods, "Yeah."
Buck’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, excitement taking over as he asks, "Yeah?"
Eddie shrugs, like it’s the easiest decision he’s ever made. "Yeah."
Buck actually sighs with relief, then rolls his eyes, "I was worried you'd want to immediately start doing productive things."
Eddie shrugs, then says, "well, I was considering coffee."
Buck rolls his eyes, "I think we can survive without it."
Eddie pouts, "Barely."
Buck lays back down, this time fully on top of Eddie, and tucks himself even closer until there’s somehow no space left between them at all. Eddie wraps both arms around him almost instinctively.
The silence that settles then isn’t awkward. It never has been, probably never will be.
Outside, the neighborhood starts waking up. Eddie listens as cars drive by, as neighbours walk past with their dogs.
Inside, time seems to slow. Eddie feels Buck’s breath rise and fall against his own. Buck traces lazy circles against Eddie's side, and Eddie simply listens to Buck breathe.
Buck breaks the silence first. His voice is soft and low as he admits, "I've wanted this forever."
Eddie closes his eyes with a happy sigh, then mumbles, "I know."
"I mean..." Buck laughs quietly. "Not specifically this."
"No?" Eddie asks, tracing shapes over Buck’s shoulder blades.
"I mean, yeah, this too… but mostly just waking up next to you."
Eddie smiles into Buck’s hair. His voice is so earnest it almost hurts.
"I used to wonder what it'd be like," Buck continues.
Eddie hums, then asks, "What'd you imagine?"
Buck takes a second to think about it, then starts, "I figured you'd wake up before me."
Eddie nods, then states, "I did."
Buck chuckles, then continues, "You'd pretend not to be watching me."
Eddie shakes his head, but Buck can feel the way his chest rises and falls beneath him as he tries to hold back laughter. "I absolutely wasn't."
Buck laughs, then adds, “And then you'd make coffee."
Eddie shrugs, then agrees, "Probably."
Buck presses a gentle, hesitant kiss into Eddie’s skin, then finishes. "And I'd convince you to stay in bed another ten minutes."
Eddie hums, "You'd never need to convince me."
Buck nods, a smug smirk on his face as he says, "I know." He sounds absurdly pleased with himself.
Eddie brushes a kiss against his forehead, and Buck goes very still.
"...You just kissed my forehead," he says, his voice no more than a whisper.
Eddie nods, "I did."
Buck hums, then says "I think this might actually kill me."
Eddie scoffs again, runs his fingers through Buck's hair and says, "You'll survive."
"Hmmmm, I don't know."
"Buck," he scoffs incredulously.
Buck lifts up off his chest to look him in the eyes as he asks, “What? I'm serious."
Eddie tilts his head to the side with a raised brow as he argues, "You fight apartment fires."
Buck rolls his eyes. "Different."
Eddie pokes him in the ribs, delighting in the way Buck flinches with a slight giggle. "You've been struck by lightning."
Buck shakes his head, then says, "Still different."
Eddie’s shoulders shake as he laughs. Buck looks entirely too proud of himself for causing it.
"There it is," Buck says, a happy sigh following.
"There what is?" Eddie asks.
"That laugh." Buck clarifies.
Eddie frowns, "You've heard me laugh."
Buck nods, "Yeah…"
"But?" Eddie asks, waiting for the rest that he knows is coming.
"But not because of me,"
Eddie stares at him, then says “Buck, you’ve made me laugh before, Bud.”
“Yeah, but not like this!” he argues.
"You idiot."
Buck frowns, then asks, “What?”.
"You've made me laugh like this for years. You just..." Eddie says, smiling helplessly. "You didn't know," he finishes.
Buck's expression grows wonderfully soft, then, under his breath, he says "I know now."
Neither of them speak after that. They don’t need to. Buck rests his head back beneath Eddie's chin, and Eddie takes the opportunity to hold him a little tighter; a little closer.
The morning stretches around them, unhurried and golden. There will be first dates and first arguments and figuring out how to tell everyone at the station without Bobby pretending he's surprised.
Christopher's smug little smile is definitely headed their way, alongside Maddie's inevitable tears, Hen's knowing grin, and Chimney demanding to know how long they'd been lying to everyone.
There’s going to be a hundred new things to navigate. But for now all they need is this.
Eddie’s heartbeat beneath Buck’s palm, the quiet comfort of their legs tangled together. The morning light streaming in through the curtains.
Shared smiles that keep appearing for no reason at all.
Their first morning as boyfriends. And if Eddie presses one more kiss into Buck's messy hair while Buck smiles sleepily against his neck—
Well.
No one else needs to know.
That can stay just between them.