Chapter Text
Lara Jean Song-Covey is a perfectly normal 18 year old girl. She gets good grades, she has 2 sisters, an amazing best friend, and she has just graduated high school and is headed to college in New York in the Fall. Sure she’s had her fair few dramatic run ins in her high school career but that's all in the past and now, her life truly is looking up, in a way.
She and Peter Kavinsky broke up on mutual-ish grounds. With Lara going to NYU and Peter going to stamford there was bound to be some creative differences as to how it was going to work out in the long term. Sure Lara Jean would've hoped that they at least could've tried for a few months in college to see how they got on, but she understands that that's not always the realistic option. They both knew that it wouldn't work out the second they started fighting about the whole situation. They hadn't even left for college yet and they were already fighting like cats and dogs.
Did Lara Jean refuse to leave her room for weeks after said breakup? Yes.
And did she beg and beg Peter to rethink this? Also yes.
But sure the breakup was 100% definitely, unquestionably mutual through and through.
So of course, she was absolutely losing her mind.
She was spending everyday wallowing in her room with little contact to the outside world. Her Dad had tried everything in his power to get her to do anything productive. Theoretically she should be getting ready for college, hello?? She's moving to New York in two months and she has nothing packed, and still hasn't cleaned out her room. Chris has called and texted her so many times that Lara thinks that maybe she's losing her mind too. Heck even Gen has reached out once or twice. With everything that's happened between them, she assumed they would never speak to each other again, but now, the two are both headed to NYU, and as of recently have a new thing in common, they are both ex-girlfriends of Peter Kavinsky.
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On this particular day, Lara Jean is bored out of her mind, she's thought about all the different ways the breakup fight with Peter could have gone down and now she's got nothing to do. She's completely and utterly stumped. She has read every book on her shelf, watched hundreds of youtube videos of various stuff, book recommendations, gaming and even a couple videos of Spider-Man (who she totally isn't completely fascinated by), and now she's got nothing to do.
That of course is not true. The voice in the back of her mind tells her that maybe it's time she started going through that damn closet so she can decide whats staying vs whats coming to NYU with her. Reluctantly she hauls herself out of bed, her hair is greasy and she's probably been wearing the same pair of sweats for three days, which she admits might be a bit gross, but you can't fault a heartbroken girl. When she opens the door to her closet she lets out an audible groan. The place was a dump, clothes were everywhere, her storage system was all over the place, and seriously how can one person have this many unmatched socks in one place. It all became very overwhelming but after quick contemplation Lara Jean figures that if she doesn't do this now then she probably never will. She hears a knock at her door and in walks her younger sister Kitty.
“Heyyy LJ, whatcha doing”, Kitty says, dragging the end of her words.
“I..”, Lara Jean responds enthusiastically, “I am finally tackling this closet”, she announces proudly. Kitty laughs out a response that makes Lara Jean jerk her head in an offended manner.
“Are you serious LJ, I have NEVER seen you actually succeed in cleaning out your closet.”
“RUDE, I am perfectly capable of cleaning Kitty and I do not appreciate your comment on this, thank you.”
“Wag, Wah, LJ, you can’t blame me for this, in my thirteen years of living I have never once seen that closet look remotely clean.”
“So help me!”, Lara Jean proposes with a pout.
“Okay, I will, but not because I want to but because I know you need the help.”
And so the two of them get to work, folding clothes, picking out what to take with her to NYU. In Lara Jean's perfect world she can bring every item of clothing she owns with her, but that was obviously unrealistic. Kitty convinces her that she doesn't need to bring every pair of jeans with her and she reluctantly takes a few pairs out of her suitcase. They work for hours until it's dark and it's at this point of the clean that Kitty announces that she's going to bed.
“This cleaning party has been fun and all but its time for me to hit the hay.”
“You know I won't finish this without you but if you insist”, and with that Lara Jean sighs.
When Kitty leaves, Lara Jean stares at the progress she and kitty had made. Most of the work is done, so she is relieved. There is still more to do but that's a problem for future Lara Jean. For now it's time for her to get some well needed rest. Today, while cleaning with Kitty, had been the first of many where Lara Jean didn't spend every waking minute thinking about her breakup with a certain boy that she is now refusing to think about. That ‘refusing to think about’ is short lived, of course because soon enough something will get her thinking about it all over again.
She's getting into bed when she sees it. The blue ribbon box. The very same box that started it all. The box where she kept all her letters, to every boy she's ever had a mild attraction to. It's crazy, Lara Jean thinks, how far she's come since those letters were sent out. There was all the fake dating and Josh drama, then the John Ambrose drama, she was kind of done with the whole ordeal. Every so often she thinks about how her life would've played out if Kitty never sent those letters out. She never would've dated stupid Peter Kavinsky for starters. That thought makes her scoff in annoyance.
She stumbles across her room to grab the box down so she can take a good look at it when suddenly she walks onto her ankle and falls down with a thud, hitting the back shelf of her closet. She lets out a yelp and looks around. From downstairs she can hear her dad calling up to her.
“Everything okay up there Lj!”
“Yes, I just tripped!” Lara Jean shrieks down.
On the second look of her closet after the fall, she sees a slanted shelf that makes her want to gouge her eyes out. Her closet was probably the cleanest it had ever been and now she had messed it all up. The anger she feels towards the whole ordeal is brief because something catches her eyes from under the broken shelf. On first look she makes the mental note that it looks like a piece of paper, but that's not quite right, in fact it almost definitely looks like an envelope. From afar it certainly looks like one of the Lara Jean Staple Envelopes that are famously known by close friends and family to hold the letters she's written when she's had crushes so intense that she doesn't know what else to do. But that obviously can't be one of them. All five of them were sent out by Kitty in her attempt to get Lara Jean a boyfriend, and while it did work, it obviously didn't last.
So it couldn't be one of them. Lara Jean knows it. She has reread her letters so many times that she could basically recite the contents of each of them. She knows what she was feeling when she wrote them. She knows there were five letters and that's that. It was probably just an empty envelope, a spare, just one lying around waiting to be filled and sent off like the rest of them. Still, a part of her feels as though that envelope isn't empty. She can see it's been used and can see a noticeable dent embedded inside the envelope. After realising she's been on the floor for some time, she shoots up so swiftly that she gets a bit light-headed when she finally stands up. With that she turns to leave her closet to at last go to bed.
But curiosity got the better, so she whips her head around and eyes up the envelope. It's wedged between the wall and the shelf, the opening of it facing her. She can clearly see a separate piece of paper inside, it's probably blank, what could she have possibly written in it that she couldn't remember or that she didn't store properly. She hesitantly walks towards it, and when she tries to pry it out from behind the shelf a pit grows in her stomach. The idea of Lara Jean writing something and forgetting about it scared her, she always remembered what she wrote, she took pride in remembering what she wrote. If she wrote something, anything, and forgot about it she doesn't know what she would do with herself. When she gets the letter free and turns it over, her face instantly drops.
–Peter Parker–
15th street
Queens
New York
Lara Jean stares at the envelope in complete shock, not because this letter managed to get lost, not because she can't fathom how she forgot about one of her letters, but because she has absolutely no idea who Peter Parker was.
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She is yet to read the letter. It's been four days since she found it and she still hasn't read it. She knows she should, maybe she does know this guy but he just happened to slip her mind. Maybe their meeting was brief but left a tiny insignificant mark on Lara Jean, enough to get his own letter, but not enough for it to be grouped with the other five. But deep down she knows that's not true. How could she forget one of her letters? The letter has been sitting on her yellow dresser since the night she found it and for some indescribable reason she can't gather the courage to read it. Peter Parker feels like a name anyone could remember so why couldn't she?
She's been pacing her room all afternoon to try to buckle up some courage to read this damn letter. She wrote the letter, it's her handwriting, so why can't she read it. It starts to anger Lara so much that she storms over and rips the page out of its envelope and unfolds it. Swiftly after realising what she just did, she shrieks and drops the letter onto the floor. She stares at it for a minute, unsure what to do.
“It's now or never Lara Jean”, she hears herself saying.
She nervously bent down to pick up the letter. She opens it up and begins to read.
Dear Peter Parker,
The first time I saw you, I thought you were a total geek, you were wearing a dumb star wars t-shirt and you were looking around stark industries like you understood every word they were saying, I think a part of me believed you did. I personally don't think many ninth graders are very interested in the sciency stuff that goes on in stark industries, but you, Peter, you were in your element.
Our schools were put together on the trip so we obviously got to see a lot of each other. I still can't believe how fast you won me over when you first spoke to me with your nervous stutter. A little part of me hoped that you were nervous because you were talking to me, but I think that's just my silly imagination.
By lunch time I couldn't look away from you. Your friend Ned kept noticing me looking over at you, and at one point whispered something in your ear. When you glanced over at me my heart skipped a beat, I was so embarrassed. Then we got paired for group work and that's when I knew I would never stop thinking about you Peter Parker. I was so confused on what to do and you told me and Chris that you ‘had this all under control’.
I laughed at the jokes you told that day for weeks, alone in my room in the dark like a complete dork. When we told you about Gen and Peter Kavinsky and you made jokes about the two all afternoon I thought you must be my soulmate, then there was all the hilarious stuff we said about that jerk in your grade, Flash Thompson.
I arrived at Stark Industries as a girl who wanted nothing more than to leave, and I left infatuated with a boy. That boy was you, Peter Parker. I went home and followed you on instagram, it took you three weeks to follow me back, during those three weeks I lost my mind. Had you already forgotten me Peter?
It's sad that I will never see you again Peter, maybe if I'm ever in New York I’ll drop by or search for your name in the phone book. But for now I hope you know that you, for the brief time we spent together, made an impact on me like no boy before you has ever done before.
Love,
Lara Jean Song-Covey
Lara Jean had never been more befuddled in her entire life. She remembers that trip. She remembers the other high school, Midtown High, she recalls. She remembers people mentioned in the letter, Ned and Flash. She remembers everything, except Peter. She doesn't remember a boy in a Star Wars t-shirt or being paired with one on a group project. And she certainly doesn't remember leaving stark industries 'infatuated’. Lara Jean retains every memory and interaction she has ever had with any of the boys she has had crushes on, is this some trick of her mind? Maybe she's showing some early signs of dementia or something.
She opens up instagram and searches in her following for anyone vaguely with the first name Peter or last name Parker. It stings a little when Peter Kavinsky's profile shows up but Lara Jean promptly decides to brush it off and continue her search for this mystery boy. She searches everything that comes to her mind which she can admit isn't much due to the whole ‘not remembering him’ situation.
Nothing. She finds nothing about anyone named Peter Parker.
How has she written a letter to a boy that seemingly doesn't exist?