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If anyone asks, Enjin would say that the reason he didn't see it coming is because the change had been gradual, almost imperceptible at first.
Enjin would lie if he said that he didn't have his own bias when it comes to Zanka. Being the one who discovers him, the one who brings him in, the one who practically shapes him into someone he is now; Enjin is bound to have his perception slightly skewed.
If he were to be honest, he didn't know when it started to happen. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment, he started seeing his mentee in the different light—the light that should have been lit in the first place, if he thinks about it further.
If anyone asks, Enjin would say that the reason he didn't see it coming is because the change had been gradual, almost imperceptible at first.
It was in the small things.
Enjin started noticing things about Zanka that has nothing to do about Zanka's skill, but rather Zanka himself.
It began with casual observation. Stolen glances at his mentee when they're training together, accidental eye-contacts when they're in the close proximity, the way Enjin naturally seeks for him when something happens like it's very important to him to know how Zanka reacts.
It was in the small things.
How Enjin suddenly couldn't tear his gaze off, at the way Zanka’s mouth relaxed when he finally understood something they had been discussing. How Enjin couldn't stop staring at the way his lashes lowered in concentration, casting delicate shadows across the high planes of his cheeks, when Enjin showed him something in their mission reports. How Enjin started looking forward at the quiet intensity in the younger's eyes when Zanka turned to him for confirmation, as if Enjin's approval was the only verdict that mattered.
It was in the small things.
But what began as casual observation, had taken a sharp turn into serious assessment.
How Enjin had started noticing the elegant line of Zanka’s throat when he swallowed during their dinner together. How Enjin had stopped in his track and got distracted by the faint flush that rose under Zanka's skin after they got back from particularly chilly night out. How Enjin felt his chest tightened by the way Zanka flustered when he praised him.
And lately, those assessments couldn't be more further than being professional examination.
Enjin should have known that it was borderline dangerous. That it should have fallen into the forbidden category. The kind of thing that he should shelve with 'everything you should never think about.'
But as much as he's a strong man like he always thinks himself to be, he is also weak.
Especially, particularly, when it comes to Zanka.
So, when Zanka comes to him that night, asking something that Enjin is very confident only he can provide, how come you expect him to refuse?
"This is why I don't want to let you get drunk," Enjin pinches the bridge of his nose, already bracing himself for the headache that surely comes his way.
Like, he truly doesn't know better,
Enjin would lie if he said that he didn't have his own bias when it comes to Zanka. Being the one who discovers him, the one who brings him in, the one who practically shapes him into someone he is now; Enjin is bound to have his perception slightly skewed.
And that includes, how he might have made the biggest mistake in his life, by letting Zanka getting drunk.
He told himself, it's okay, as long as Zanka is his supervision. He told himself, it's okay, since it will be just like another mentoring session, where Enjin watches Zanka finding the limit of himself.
Except, it's not.
Except, Enjin overestimates Zanka, this time, and now, the younger is flushed red cutely, showing off what a slack-jawed drunk he can be.
Unfortunately, Enjin has no one but himself to blame.
And he would want to keep it that way.
So, here he is the corner of the bar, in one of the secluded booths, trying to sober Zanka up, or letting him tire himself to sleep before they have to head back to the HQ.
"Enjin, does kissing girls feel that good?"
The question comes out of nowhere, Enjin is glad he isn't in the middle of chugging his alcohol so he doesn't get choked.
Zanka has both hands on the table supporting his chin, looking at him with intense, yet unfocused gaze.
"That depends," Enjin answers carefully, flicking the ash off of his cigarette on the ashtray.
Zanka's glassy azure is momentarily distracted by the action, before he returns his gaze back up to Enjin's face.
"Depends on what?"
Enjin takes a drag of his nicotine before he answers.
"Depends whether you're into them or not."
Zanka frowns like he's trying his hardest to understand the words Enjin has said. Then, he straightens his posture, leaning back to his seat.
"I don't think I'm into girls," Zanka huffs. "I don't think I'm into anyone, either."
Enjin lifts his eyebrow at that.
It's a whole different conversation that definitely should happen when Zanka regains his consciousness and sobriety.
But before he can respond, Zanka leans forward over the table again.
"But I wanna try it," he looks at Enjin straight to his eyes, like he tries to deliver something important through.
Enjin doesn't break their eye contact as he asks, "Try what?"
"Kissing."
Enjin doesn't mean to, but he burst into laughter when he hears that determined one word out of Zanka's mouth.
Zanka doesn't seem to like being laughed at, because the serious face he wore quickly transformed into much childish expression with his pursued, pouty lips and scrunched eyebrows, squinting eyes.
Enjin has to force himself to stop wheezing before he stubs his cigarette died.
"Well, look around," he does so, as he says. "See anyone you might want to kiss?"
Zanka doesn't follow suit, if anything, he casts his gaze down, as if he avoids doing the exact thing that Enjin does.
He's just about to reach for him and probably tease him a little to lighten the mood, when suddenly Zanka mumbles something under his breath.
"Zanzan, I can't hear you," Enjin leans in, grinning.
He doesn't expect for Zanka to slide out of his seat in front of him, and goes to the other side of the booth where Enjin is seated, scooching so close to his side.
He doesn't expect it either when Zanka looks up to him, with those beautiful, glassy azure of his and reddened cheeks; as the plump, pink lips part open.
"Teach me?"
Enjin should have known that it was borderline dangerous. That it should have fallen into the forbidden category. The kind of thing that he should shelve with 'everything you should never think about.'
But as much as he's a strong man like he always thinks himself to be, he is also weak.
Especially, particularly, when it comes to Zanka.
He should say no.
He should push Zanka back.
He should tell him that Zanka shouldn't ask such thing.
But Zanka looks so pretty and so pliant and so inviting—
—and Enjin is just a man.
A weak one.
"Zanzan," he sucks in, the name comes out shakily, like merely saying it has stolen his ability to breathe.
Zanka bites his lips, and Enjin fears himself when all he wants to do is to unpeel those white teeth off of the pinkish lips.
"You're my mentor," Zanka begins, unfairly needy. "You said, I should have come to you, if I want to know something."
Enjin inhales deeply, but what comes into his sense, is just how good Zanka smell; a perfect combination of his lavender incense, with the tinge of alcohol, and mingled with the trails of nicotine that has just surrounded them.
Enjin isn't drunk, Enjin is perfectly sober. Enjin also possesses the full control of himself, the authority in putting a stop of any unwanted incidents.
Except, he wants this too.
Except, he has wanted this for a while, even for much longer, if he has to admit.
So, instead of grabbing Zanka's shoulders and pushing back, Enjin reaches for his ash-colored hair, picking up the strands that strayed on his face.
And instead of dragging the younger home and deciding to call it a night, Enjin's hand slides down to cups the warm cheek, tipping him up.
And instead of saying no and telling Zanka how wrong this is, Enjin swipes his thumb over Zanka's lower lips, eyes following the movement of the younger that opens up so easily under his touch.
And instead of burying his desire, denying the opportunity, Enjin gives Zanka what he wants, while also taking from him just as much.
The first thought that ever presents the moment their lips touch is how dry Zanka's lips are.
They're plump and soft, but they aren't wet enough, almost too chapped as if Zanka doesn't hydrate himself enough.
Enjin explores the lips slow, familiarizing himself with the curve and the shape, gathering enough saliva to smoothen the movement.
He holds Zanka loose, doesn't force him to follow his lead, and rather lets the younger getting used of the touch, giving him space to back down.
The bar is playing the hardcore rendition of Too Lily's song, the sound should be deafening; but Enjin genuinely can't hear anything but the way Zanka makes a soft noise against his lips.
It takes a while before Zanka starts move too as if he's just awaken from the trance and starts chasing his lips.
Whenever Enjin pulls back, Zanka doesn't let him go far.
Whenever Enjin shifts, Zanka immediately follows.
Their lips are smacking more loudly, when Zanka starts copying him, by using some spit on the tip of his tongue to get every slide of their lips more at ease.
Zanka tastes like alcohol, his cigarette, his crumbling self-restraint, and the forbidden innocence.
He's so pliant; having the patience to study everything Enjin has shown him.
And yet, so responsive; having the great ability to learn everything Enjin has shown him.
It may have started slow and delicate and gentle, but the more Zanka practices his newfound knowledge, the more Enjin has a hard time holding himself back.
He's proud to say that he still maintains his self-control though, pulling back when it's borderline crossing the line.
Crossing the line, huh?
He already went past that, when he seized the opportunity, taking advantage of his status as Zanka's mentor.
Like he has any right, to mentor Zanka in everything, including kissing.
He told himself, it's okay, as long as Zanka is his supervision. He told himself, it's okay, since it will be just like another mentoring session, where Enjin watches Zanka finding the limit of himself.
Except, it's not.
Except, Enjin underestimates Zanka this time, because the moment Enjin wants to end everything, Zanka decides it's all just getting started.
Enjin pulls back, only for Zanka to surge forward and claim him once more.
This time, Enjin is the one who should sit back and watch.
Because just like their usual mentoring session, this is when Zanka shows Enjin what he has just learned.
Zanka kisses like he wants to prove himself.
Every press of his lips is persistent against Enjin's. Every time his lips catch on Enjin's, Zanka doesn't give Enjin time to recover.
It's a series of continuous attack and Enjin is just there to take it.
Or give it, depending on one's perspective.
Zanka kisses like he fights.
Relentless, brimming with enthusiasm to win, never gives any chance for his opponents to back down.
It's not like anything Enjin has ever pictured it to be, but at the same time, it's also something that Enjin should have expected from him.
Zanka's hands slide up to his jaw, dainty fingers cupping him, as he tries to deepen the kiss.
Except, Zanka doesn't know how to do it.
And as the good mentor that he is, Enjin drops his hands to Zanka's hips, pulling him closer he almost ends up in his lap.
The moment the distance is obliterated, Enjin keeps Zanka firm, and the hand is back to reach for Zanka's neck, flicking the tassel in the process as he settles on the side.
Enjin breaks the kiss, only to dart his tongue wetly over Zanka's lips. The lips that responds beautifully by welcoming him. Zanka must have taken notes, that he doesn't hesitate to let Enjin's tongue meeting his, entangling themselves, as they share the taste of alcohol, nicotine, and desire.
Zanka blooms under his touch, so magnificently that Enjin is quick to deflower him.
Like a greedy man he never thought himself to be.
If anyone asks, Enjin would say that the reason he didn't see it coming is because the change had been unexpected in the first place.
Eventually, Enjin has to pull back, giving them the opportunity to take a breather. Enjin doesn't want to sound like bragging, but he has kissed numerous people before this—men, women, neither, and both.
He's familiar with the sight of his partner breathlessly affected by his kiss.
But nothing takes his breath away like Zanka.
Nothing ever gets him to stop and stare like Zanka.
Enjin does his best to not get hypnotized by the way the eyelashes cast shadow on Zanka's face, the way his lips were glistening and redder and more swollen that they usually appear. The way Zanka opens his eyes so slowly, lips part just a slight, because he's nothing short but deeply influenced too.
Greed consumes him like never before.
But he's done committing crime for a lifetime.
Burying his wants as deep as possible, suppressing his overwhelming selfishness to taint his mentee further, Enjin's hand slides down to Zanka's shoulder, squeezing him light.
Zanka goes rigid upon the touch, but Enjin offers a carefree chuckle to ease him.
"Now, you're ready to kiss any girl in the bar."
Enjin would lie if he said that he didn't have his own bias when it comes to Zanka. Being the one who discovers him, the one who brings him in, the one who practically shapes him into someone he is now; Enjin is bound to have his perception slightly skewed.
And that includes, how he might have made the biggest mistake in his life, by teaching Zanka how to kiss.
He told himself, it's okay, as long as Zanka is his supervision. He told himself, it's okay, since it will be just like another mentoring session, where Enjin watches Zanka finding the limit of himself.
Except, it's not.
Except, Enjin once again, underestimates him.
Underestimating the fact, that at times, Zanka is known to see through the lies.
Underestimating the fact, that at times, Zanka is known to take what he always wants.
"I don't want any girl." Zanka looks away, as he responds curtly.
And before Enjin can ask what he means or worse, jokes about what he says, Zanka grabs his lapels and aims for his lips.
Enjin might be terrible mentor, he might also be more terrible man.
But one thing is for sure: he has a stellar student, a very bright protege.
The one and only, Zanka Nijiku.
Zanka is known to be a fast learner, and as his mentor, Enjin can testify to that.
And if Zanka wants to prove himself to him, what kind of mentor Enjin is, to deny him the opportunity?