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Huskerdust crack fic: A VERY drunk Angel Dust

Summary:

When Angel and Cherri came to the hotel drunk of their asses, Husk knew he was fucked. Not in that way, you sick freaks. Or maybe? But no smut.

Or: Angel gets drunk. Shenanigans ensue.

Notes:

Hello! I’m so sorry for not posting a new chapter of Unlovable and Loving (which you should totally check out if you haven’t) so here is a pre-written crack fic to satisfy your Huskerdust and platonic Cherridust needs! Yes, it's different from what I usually make. Yes I was depressed as fuck when I had this idea and needed a pick me up. Yes I took inspiration from the call Stolas gave Blitzo (the o is silent). And yes I REALLY enjoyed making this.

I also realized Silly Juice is a real thing, but I DID NOT KNOW EXISTED BEFORE THIS AND IS NOT INSPIRED BY THAT DRINK.

I do use things like — and … in my fics because I LOVE THEM and it is in NO WAY AI. I do not support AI in creative works such as writing and do not condone its use.

Comments and kudos are GREATLY appreciated and I will try to reply to them all thank you!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Huskyyyyy” Angel drawled, stumbling through the hotel's doors, “Where’s my cute kittyyyy?”

 

Husk immediately looked up from the bar’s surface, mentally cursing. Angel was being pulled into the hotel by a drunk Cherri Bomb who seemed to have sobered up a little to keep her best friend from face planting into the hotel’s velvet carpet. They had been out for only a few hours today, just for the afternoon, to celebrate Angel’s day off of work. And here Angel was, drunk off his ass and his first words to the whole hotel being: Husky, where’s my cute kitty?

 

Oh Husk was fucked and not in the good way.

 

Husk ran out from behind the bar and put one of Angel’s arms around his shoulder to help him walk. “Cherri,” Husk started, a slight growl coming from his voice, “What the actual fuck happened to him?”

 

Before Cherri could answer, Angel Dust seemed to notice his boyfriend helping him walk and peppered his face in numerous kisses. Husk blushed a furious red and pulled away, a slight whine escaping from Angel’s mouth. Husk heard Charlie squeal in the background at the scene, which only made Husk’s blush grow even bigger. Even Cherri giggled before Husk sent a death glare in her direction, immediately shutting her down.

 

“I don’t even know, Husk!” Cherri Bomb replied, “We were just havin’ a few shots and he got a little carried away I guess!”

 

Husk narrowed his eyes, “How many is a few?” He questioned.

 

Cherri averted her singular eye to the carpet in shame.

 

“How many, Cherri?” Husk growled.

 

Cherri mumbled something.

 

“Sorry I didn’t HEAR you!” Husk demanded.

 

“Sixteen okay! He has a high as fuck tolerance for being in hell so long and he wanted to get drunk!” Cherri admitted flailing her arms in the air and accidentally letting go of Angel, who went crashing to the floor with an ungraceful “ow”. Husk immediately came to his side, muttering curses towards the Australian, and sat down next to him.

 

“He’s had more than sixteen before! What makes it any different!” Husk screamed.

 

Cherri wringed her fingers together in guilt, “Well the bartender had a new recipe, something called uhhh- oh Sillylyly Juice! It’s like a buzzball but makes you very crazy and stupid and floaty without taking drugs. And he wanted it and well…” Cherri waved her hand to the collapsed spider.

 

Husk sighed before deciding Cherri wasn’t worth it, and turned to his boyfriend, “You good kid?”

 

Angel finally opened his eyes, keeping them half lidded and sultry, "I'm always good with you Mista Bartenda’ sir.” And he cupped Husk’s face in his hands and tried to kiss him, which Husk immediately pulled away from. He did not want to accidentally hurt Angel in his drunken state.

 

“Oh you’re already on top a’ me! Take me Whiskas’! Take me! Take my virgin little —! AND DRINK MY—--- WASTE NO TIME RAVISHING ME WHILE YOU—---! AND I’LL SUCK YA SO MUCH AND —----- ” Angel whined.

 

Husk scrambled backward, wide eyed and kind of concerned, “Oh what the FUCK! CHERRI WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAPPENED!”

 

He turned to Cherri who had a large smirk on her face, “Seems like he wants to fuck ya, Husk,” She stated plainly. 

 

“YEAH I FUCKIN’ SEE THAT, CHERRI!”

 

Husk stood up to walk to the bar, “Imma get him a glass of water ‘kay?” He pointed to Cherri Bomb, “And YOU watch his ass.”

 

Angel rolled on the floor, “But I want YOU to watch my assssss. Let’s do the ass thing we did last time when you-”

 

Husk spun around, insanely quick and cut off his boyfriend, “OKAY that's enough now!”

 

The two kept on bickering as the hotel residents watched the entertainment unfold. All except Alastor of course, the moment Angel started spewing detailed and graphic descriptions of their sex life, he dematerialized into some other place. And as of now is very roughly tearing into some poor sinner's body and eating their flesh as he tries to take out his anger on the fresh carcass. 

 

Vaggi and Charlie were looking back and forth between the bartender and resident. “Should we–?” Charlie asked.

 

Vaggi shook her head, “No No, babe. I wanna see what happens.”

 

“HUSK, WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!” Angel screamed.

What was happening in question, was Husk handing Angel water and in turn Angel knocking the glass over on its side and saying that he wanted his alcohol. Then Angel developed in tears screaming that Husk didn’t love him anymore and he won’t make drinks for him. Now Husk was at Angel’s side once more.

 

“Angel, I love you I swear, you’ve just way too much to drink,” Husk said, placing a hand on his back.

 

“B-But you w-won’t make my drinkkkk!” Angel wailed, “You HATE MEEEEE–!”

 

Angel cut himself off during his little MEEEEE, and registered the hand on his back, his eyes turning into glowing orbs of lust. Husk drew his hand back, cursing himself for being stupid, but Angel caught the hand just in time and made Husk’s paw float over his fluff, asking for permission.

 

“May I have the greatest honour, Husky?” Angel asked, his eyes half lidded and lust filled.

 

“Oh FUCK no!” Husk screamed and he drew his hand back as quick as he could, making Angel whine in protest, but he didn’t reach more. 

 

“Huskkk! You HATE MEEEE!” Angel sobbed

 

Husk groaned in frustration before getting behind the bar once more. If he wanted a drink, he'd get it, he never said it had to be alcohol. Husk grabbed a glass and created a Shirley Temple, but watered it down a little more to make sure Angel was at least drinking some water. He’s probably too drunk to tell the difference anyway.

 

The bartender slid the drink over to Angel, who in turn gasped in surprise and started enthusiastically saying thank you’s over and over like a little kid. He took a large sip and paused. Husk held his breath, waiting. 

 

But Angel just shrugged it off, “Thank you Huskyyyy!!!”

 

Husk chucked and looked to Cherri Bomb, “Now why the fuck didn’t you help?”

 

Cherri shrugged, “Ya didn’t ask, pussy cat.”

 

Husk sighed and before he could turn around he felt two hands gently on his chest. The fuck? Before he could ask, who he knew was Angel, why in all of hell his hands were on his chest. He got his answer.

 

“You got tits toooo, kityyyyy!” Angel squealed, “Like meeeee I got fluff tits toooo!”

 

Now Husk did indeed have a plume of fur on his chest and did let Angel touch them, however tits was not the right way to describe it.

 

“We have fluff tits together!!!” Angel sang out, loud enough for the whole hotel to hear them. “Together forever with our fluffy boobs!” He paused for a moment of thought, “Floobs? FLOOBS! Fluffy FLOOBS!”

 

Okay, this was weird as fuck. Husk said “what the fuck” for the millionth time today, so I would spare you the reader, for reading it again. Husk immediately broke away from Angel in a pure feeling of shock and confusion. While Angel kept on singing his weird little song before breaking into intense laughter and collapsing on the floor and giggling.

 

Then Angel stopped very very suddenly before looking at the princess of hell and her girlfriend. “You,” he pointed at Charlie, “Why are you watching?”

 

Angel now sounded very menacing all of the sudden, why? No one fucking knows, not even the spider himself.

 

Charlie frowned in confusion, “W-Who? Me?” Charlie asked, looking around as if Angel wasn’t very clearing pointing to the princess herself.

 

Angel nodded gravely, “Yes. You. Now why are you watching?”

 

Charlie stuttered out an incoherent response before Angel interrupted her.

 

“GET THE FUCK OUT, CHARLIE! THIS IS ME AND HUSKY WUSKY’S TIME!” Angel demanded, his screams echoing through the lobby, “YOU TOO, VAGINA!”

 

Charlie and Vaggi quickly shuffled out of the lobby as Angel threw curses after curses after them, even a few in Italian. At one point he tried to run after the two, making Husk and Cherri hold him back. Which was very obviously hard, considering the six arms he has.

 

“YOU BITCHES!” Angel screamed, “I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF YOUR PILLOWS ARE COLD! SCRATCH THAT, I’M GONNA FUCK YOUR PILLOW TILL THEY’RE WET, WARM, AND CRUSTY AND YOU CAN NEVER USE THEM AGAIN!”

 

Husk and Cherri cringed at the thought of a pillow, wet, warm, and very crusty

 

God how do you even fuck a pillow? Husk thought. Do you– Op. No. NO NO NO. NO NO. OH FUCK, THE MENTAL IMAGE. THE MENTAL IMAGE!

 

Husk in his distressed state, dropped the pornstar to the ground with a loud thud. Enticing a groan from Angel’s lips. Cherri glared at the bartender and dropped to her knees next to her friend.

 

“Look what you’ve done, kitty cat!” Cherri fake whined, “You’ve DROPPED him!”

 

Husk glared at her, “Bitch, you dropped him the moment he came in here!”

 

Cherri chuckled, “Yeah, I did.”

 

Husk sighed and picked the spider up bridal style, “Alright kid, that’s enough.”

 

Angel closed his eyes and nodded, already passing out from exhaustion of it all. Husk carried Angel all the way up to his room, laying him on the soft, plush bed the pornstar owned. And tucked him in. At that point, Angel was fast asleep and now gently snoring as he let the alcohol crash take him.

 

Husk sighed and collapsed on the floor next to the bed where the cyclops soon joined him. God that was one hell of an hour, what the fuck even was that?

 

“Oh thank god he’s out.” Cherri Bomb sighed.

 

Husk glared at her, “You didn’t do shit!”

 

“Hey I brought his ass all the way over here!”

 

Husk sharply inhaled, “You know what. Fuck it, you’re not worth it.”

 

Thud. The spider rolled onto the floor and groaned, very loudly and very sensually. Husk ran a hand over his face. “Fucking NOT AGAIN!" ‐----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Angel dust woke up from his slumber, and oh fuck his head hurt like hell. Angel closed his eyes, God, what did I drink? Angel thought, My tolerance is high as fuck! What the hell-

 

“HURGHHHHH-” Angel rolled on the bed and absolutely hurled his stomach's contents off the side. If he was going to have a shitty hangover, he is not changing the sheets. Then Angel heard a scream, a very loud and bloodcurdling scream.

 

Angel sat up in bed in shock and immediately regretted it, throwing up from the dizziness and vertigo of it all. The screams got even louder followed by a very accented Australian voice.

 

“Angie, what the FUCK!!!” Cherri Bomb screamed, vomit covering her clothes as she ran into the bathroom.

 

Angel yelled a quick sorry at her as she ran but stayed in bed, he was going to deal with this shit later. Angel heard a deep chuckle come from next to him as Husk walked over. His eyes had deep bags under them like he hadn’t slept all night, had he at all? Angel didn’t know. His fur was rumpled and on his chest were letters spelled in lipstick that read FLOOBS in big bold letters. 

 

The room was trashed. Obviously there was vomit on the floor next to him, but the door to his room had– scratch marks? Husk’s alcohol was broken on the floor of his room, the expensive stuff too, and the whole room's scent was horrendous. Especially with the newly added vomit stench.

 

What the fuck happened in here?

 

“Serves that bitch right.” Husk said, “You know when you were causing chaos in the lobby, she did nothing but watch.”

 

Angel sharply turned to Husk, “The lobby? What happened there? And where’s Fat Nugs?”

 

“He’s with princess and Vaggi right now after you started trashing the room. Took a little convincing for them to keep him though, after you tried to chase them out of the lobby yesterday,” Husk explained.

 

“I did what now?”

 

Angel heard the shower water turn on in the bathroom, followed by yet another scream of agony.

 

“WHY THE FUCK IS THERE SO MUCH VOMIT! AGH!” Cherri yelled, “GET OFF! GET THE FUCK OFF YOU —---- BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKING —----- —------- – FUCK YOU —---”

 

Husk took a breath in and yelled for his friend, “NIFFTY!”

 

The two heard little tiny footsteps running up the stairs and a thud at the door followed by an “ow”. And then the door opened, revealing the little cyclops everyone knows and loves. Niffty grinned with a touch of malice and yelped in joy.

 

“Hi Mrs. Angel and Mr. Husk! Happy wedding!” Niffty exclaimed.

 

“W-Wedding? N-never mind short stack, just can you clean this?” Husk asked

Niffty nodded enthusiastically, “CLEAN IT UP!”

 

And with that Niffty set to work.

 

Angel looked at the door again, “Why are there scratch marks?” He asked Husk

 

Husk sighed, “Well when you woke up in the middle of the night, you were still hellbent on attacking the girls and you tried to get out. But I could hold ya back, so the worst you did was give the door a few marks.”

 

“Ah okay. Well what’s with the whole ‘floobs’ thing?”

 

Husk shook his head, "Don't worry about it kid. Don’t worry.”

 

Angel smiled softly at his boyfriend, “Okay, I love ya, kitty.”

 

The cat smiled back, “I love ya too, legs.”

 

Nifty ran into the bathroom where Cherri was showering.

 

“NIFFTY GET THE FUCK OUT–”

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed my little Huskerdust fever dream and please tell me in the comments for any constructive criticism!