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Steam filled the air, clouding her vision so that she could hardly see her way around the bathroom. That was what she liked about it. The way it swallowed her up and wrapped around her, like a blanket so warm and comforting, though she’d certainly overworked the water heater. Her hands trembled as she ran her fingers through her hair, combing through the chin length blonde strands, nails scratching at her scalp in some desperate attempt to scrape away the last battle.
The Citadel was a wreck, Cerberus assaulting it so heavily and making and utter mess out of an already shitty situation. And to top it all off, the one person that she had ever had romantic feelings for was gone.
It was always an inevitability that Thane would die before her, and she knew that they were running on borrowed time as it was. But the fact that he was really gone…
She could hardly believe it. She’d felt his hand in hers as he passed from this world, watched his soul leave his body. And yet sometimes it felt as though he were still there.
Inhaling deeply, she let out a sigh and turned the water off. The steam began to settle, the cloud slowly vanishing and exposing her as she stepped over to the counter. She wiped her hand across the mirror as she leaned forward, the sight of her reflection in the mirror a little scary.
Her eyes were so tired, dark purple splotches under them that almost made it look as though she’d been punched. Her skin was paler than usual, her splotchy freckles standing out as she stared into her own brown eyes. Maybe she was sick. It wouldn’t matter one way or the other. She couldn’t rest.
She looked down at her body, bruises and burns marring her skin. Some bruises had faded from purple into a sickly green, while all up and down her arms and legs and torso she still looked as though she’d been hit by a skycar. Dr. Chakwas always got this disappointed look on her face when she walked into the med-bay, the good doctor just telling her to be careful next time and sending her on her way because she knew that it was futile. Winona Shepard was not a careful person.
Her hands trembled as she stepped back from the counter, unsteady on her feet. She just needed sleep, but she still had reports to read and write. Too much to do.
Winny stiffened as she saw movement from the corner of her eye, the word “Siha ” being breathed into her ear. She closed her eyes tight, stumbling and leaning into the door frame as her heart pounded so hard in her chest that she could hear it in her head. Her hands gripped the corner as she struggled to stay upright.
Being tired was one thing. Hearing the voices of the dead was an entirely different thing altogether. Maybe she really was crazy after all.
She tried to regain her balance, letting go of the door frame and starting to step away. She barely made it a foot before her knees buckled beneath her. Winny groaned as she lied on the cold floor, her vision swimming.
Her body was fighting her every step of the way these days, wanting to stop and rest but she couldn’t. She couldn’t afford to take a break, she had to get out there before Cerberus or Reapers made things even worse. She had to help them, had to save them, had to…
She wished it would never end. This feeling of complete and utter happiness that made her chest feel so light and her heart skip a beat.
Her lover lied beside her and smiled as he reached out to brush strands of her blonde hair out of her face, love in his eyes as they met hers.
The two of them were still riding the high of sex, their legs tangled together and their bodies twisted up in her sheets as they just lied in wait for the call. Neither of them spoke, not wanting to ruin anything about this perfect moment.
Winny cupped his cheek with her hand, running her fingers from his cheeks down to his lips and just touching them for a moment. Thane smiled under her touch and she smiled back, leaning forward to kiss him, capturing his lips in hers and feeling perfectly at peace as he kissed her back, wrapping his strong arms around her and holding her close. The silence of the room was broken as the two let out gasps and grunts, unable to be apart for much longer.
That they were about to go forth with what everyone had called a Suicide Mission meant very little to her. If she was to die, then so be it. It would all be worth it for this little piece of perfection that she had found in the most unlikely of places.
When her eyes opened she found herself surrounded by white. Her whole body was sore, her head aching.
“Don’t even think about moving,” Dr. Chakwas’ voice ordered her.
Winny closed her eyes and let out a groan. The med-bay. Of course.
“Doc, I’m fine,” she protested, starting to move before a hand pushed her shoulder back to the bed.
“Shepard, you were brought down to me from your own cabin because EDI alerted me that you’d collapsed and were unconscious,” the doctor relayed. That explained how she’d gotten down here. “You haven’t been sleeping, have you?”
Winny opened her eyes just enough to look over at her. “There’s no time for that.”
“There is,” Chakwas insisted. “And if there isn’t, then make time. You already risk your life by going out in the field, the last thing you need to do is risk it further by depriving yourself of sleep.”
“Can’t I sleep in my own bed?” she asked.
The doctor looked her over, worried about the Commander, and eventually relented. “Only if you sleep and leave those reports alone for the evening. They will still be there in the morning hours. If you need sleep aids, just let me know and we’ll see what we can do for you.”
She opened her eyes and met Chakwas’ gaze. The doctor had been a mother figure towards her since their time on the SR1. Winny knew that she cared, and she felt guilty for causing so much trouble and worrying her. But with all that was going on…
“I’ll sleep once I’m up there, I promise,” Winny said. She never broke her promises, and Chakwas knew that. The two held their gaze on each other, unspoken words passing between them before the doctor let her stand. The uncomfortable hospital pants and top must have been put on her when they found her.
One of Chakwas’ aids escorted Winny up the elevator, just to make sure that she didn’t collapse again. The hospital clothes were torn off as soon as her door was closed behind her, left on the floor as she exchanged them for a soft pair of boxers and a tank top. Exhausted, Winny flopped onto her bed and latched onto a pillow, holding it close to her chest.
“You should go to sleep,” the low voice of her love said in her ears. Winny opened her eyes, green irises surrounded by black sclera meeting her gaze. There was love in those eyes, just as she remembered.
“If I do, all I’ll see is you,” she whispered to the echo of a once was, tears slipping from her eyes and landing on the pillow. “I miss you so much.”
“I know,” Thane said, and she could have sworn that she felt his hand touch her face, a thumb wiping her tears from her cheeks. “But you are strong, Siha. You can’t give up hope.”
Winny closed her eyes, burying her face into the pillow as she shed silent tears. She needed to sleep.
Tu-fira, Thane had once called it. Being lost in the memories of another. She missed him so much. She was lost in him, unable to focus on anything else even after busying herself with everything else possible. Maybe she was going crazy. That was what love did to her. Maybe someday she’d forget him, just another memory lost to her as the years passed, but for now it hurt. Her heart was rubbed raw from the loss, tearing her apart inside.
And as she dreamed, she was taken back to the past with her memories of him. She remembered the feel of his hands holding hers, the look of love in his eyes, the taste of his tongue in her mouth. And in those peaceful memories she lost herself, sleeping straight through the night with her lover by her side.