Archive of Our Own

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Beca muttered to herself.

Beca Mitchell was not having a good evening.  In fact, she wasn’t having a good year.

It had been going downhill ever since Fat Amy’s wardrobe malfunction in front of the POTUS, causing embarrassment not only to the Bellas, but to all of Barden University as well. As the Bellas’ co-captain and creative force behind their arrangements, Beca was feeling the constant pressure to turn the floundering group of girls into champions again.

Losing to Das Sound Machine at that basement riff-off sucked.  It was hardly Emily’s fault. 90s jams weren’t necessarily something that a Class of 2019 Freshman easily knew off the top of their head.  But maybe she should have worked with Legacy a bit more. Perhaps incorporated more diverse songs into their practices.

Either way, something wasn’t quite right with the Bellas.  Seemed the girls had lost their harmony and had trouble finding their sound again.

To top it all off, she flubbed her chance with her boss at her internship.  He had listened to the jump drive full of her best mixes, but wasn’t impressed.

“Any kid with ears and a laptop can do that,” he had told her. “That’s fine if you want a career DJing raves out in the desert.  But if you want to write ‘music producer’ on your tax forms some day, then you got to have an original voice.”

On her bed and hunched over her MacBook, Beca tried to feel out a melody on a piano app.  Her boss had given her another chance and she didn’t want to blow it.  She needed to create something new.  Something no one had ever heard before.  Something that sounded anything but ordinary.  But….

“Not catchy enough.”

“Sounds like that Adele song.”

“Fucking might as well be a nursery rhyme.”

“Fuck fuck fuck.”

Nothing sounded good to her ears.  The melodies she came up with sounded lame.  The lyrics too juvenile and disconnected.

“Why can’t I do this?” she asked herself.  “This shouldn’t be that hard.”

Her eyes drifted to the cork board near her bed, finally settling on the photo booth pics of her and Chloe.  She fondly remembered that day.  She had surprised Chloe with tickets to the Rescue Dog Olympics, and gave in when Chloe insisted she accompany her.  Beca drove Chloe the half hour from Atlanta to watch her fawn over dozens of furry, four-legged canines.  Beca didn’t like dogs all that much, but she enjoyed her time with Chloe.  That day was no exception; she even offered up the $5 to get the photos done to commemorate the day.

Beca pushed the memory out of her mind.  She needed to concentrate, and she was distracting herself yet again with thoughts about someone she shouldn’t be spending so much time thinking about.  Jesse was her boyfriend after all.

“Ugh,” she sighed.  No, she was not going to start thinking about why Chloe spends more time in her thoughts than her own boyfriend.

The house was empty that night.  Today was the last day of finals. So the Bellas were at the Treble house partying it up with other aca-folk to celebrate the end of Hell Week.  Beca had said she was going to attend, but she really needed to work on her demo since she hadn’t had a chance all week. Her future depended on this.

Beca grabbed her phone to send Chloe a text.

Hey. I don’t think I can make it.  This headache is owning my ass, Beca typed out.

Beca didn’t want to deceive Chloe.  She should have told her about the internship and the demo she was working on.  But Beca convinced herself that burdening Chloe with that knowledge was not in anyone’s best interest.

Chloe’s response came quickly. Aaaw. *sad face* I need my dance partner!

Sorry. I’m really not feeling up to it right now, Beca replied .

Feel better soon. Miss you. *kissie face* Chloe responded.

Beca wasn’t entirely lying to Chloe.  Her brain did indeed hurt.  She carefully placed her laptop on the floor and laid down on her bed. “I think I just need to relax,” she thought, before closing her eyes and drifting off into sleep.

***

“Time to get up, Beca,” a soothing voice echoed.

“What?” Beca choked out.  She opened her eyes, the lights of the room still on and bright. She could make out a familiar figure perched at the edge of Amy’s bed. “Mom?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

Beca sat up, disbelieving.  “Why am I not scared?  Shouldn’t I be scared because obviously I’m staring at a ghost right now,” Beca stammered. 

“Maybe because you’ve been expecting me?  Or because you called for me?” the apparition offered.  “You’ve always had a hard time asking for help, but never from me.”

“Huh. That’s true.”  Beca thought for a moment. “Do you think you can help me come up with a kickass demo to present to my boss?”

The ghost laughed, “I’m not very musically inclined.  You were always the one who had that talent.  But I understand you need help finding your voice.  That, I can help you with.”

“Seriously? I mean, that would be awesome. What do I need to do?” Beca asked eagerly.

“You will have three visitors tonight.  They will guide you.” 

“Three visitors?  You can’t just tell me what I need to do?” Beca asked.

“No,” the ghost said solemnly.  “They have things to show you, which you might have trouble seeing otherwise.  After the final visitor, hopefully you will have learned and figured things out for yourself.  Only then can your voice be found and heard.”

“I hear what you’re telling me, but I don’t think I understand.”

“You will, Beca.  But now it’s time to rest.” Beca’s mother glided over to her daughter’s bed, lifted up the covers and beckoned Beca to tuck in. When Beca was settled, the ghost kissed her forehead and said, “It’s time for me to go now. Bye, Beca,” and began to fade away.

Beca lifted her head and called out, “Wait,” but her mother was already gone.  She laid her head back onto her pillow.  “I miss you so much,” she whispered. 

****

Beca woke to the sound of a whistle.

“Up and at ‘em, Beca.  Let’s go!”

“What the fuck?” Beca sat up groggily and a bit disoriented.  Who the hell was blowing a whistle at this time of night?

“Come on, Beca!  Pick up the pace!”

Through squinted eyes, Beca could see a woman at the foot of her bed, with long blonde hair, wearing a pink top, khaki shorts, and tennis shoes.  “Aubrey?”

“Also known as your Ghost of Christmas Past.  Of course, I’m not a real ghost because I’m still alive in real life.  I’m a figurative ghost because I’m constantly haunting you in your nightmares,” Aubrey laughed out.

“Well, that’s just great.  So, what are we supposed to do?  Do I need to put on a pair of sneakers, cuz you look ready to make me do some cardio,” Beca joked.

“No.  We’re travelling some place you haven’t been in awhile.” 

“Where?” Beca asked, confused.

“The fifth grade,” Aubrey simply stated and snapped her fingers.

Suddenly, Beca found herself in the auditorium of her old elementary school.  Christmas decorations and artwork hung from the walls.  Parents sat on folding chairs with paper programs in their hands. The next performance was about to commence.

Children started filling up the stage. Several were dressed as reindeer stage left; others were dressed in holiday colors and situated in front of a microphone stage right.  Beca recognized her 10-year-old self among the singers, centered and closest to the microphone.  The students’ teacher sat in a folding chair off stage, below the children, ready to direct the performance.

“They can’t see us, by the way,” Aubrey said over Beca’s shoulder.  “They can’t hear us either.”

Beca nodded.  She looked around and spotted her mother in the third row, with a video camera in hand and an empty seat next to her.

Beca looked over at her younger self, who had been looking for both her parents in the crowd.  Young Beca was visibly upset. 

“You didn’t look all too happy,” Aubrey observed.

“No. I was pissed. He said he would be there.”

The teacher cued someone backstage to start the music, and gestured to young Beca to get ready.  Young Beca began to sing, as the children dressed as reindeer animatedly performed a pantomine in timing with the lyrics:

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen

Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen...

“That was my last year at that school, and they gave me a solo.  It was important to me,” Beca said.

“Did you tell him that?” Aubrey asked.

“He should have known,” Beca lamented.

As young Beca’s intro ended, the rest of the children singers started the main portion of the song. However, young Beca, disappointed and angry, sang her own version:

Chorus

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Beca

(Reindeer)

Chorus

Had a very shiny nose

Beca

(Like a lightbulb)

Chorus

And if you ever saw it

Beca

(Saw it)

Chorus

You would even say it glows  

Beca

(Like a lightbulb)

“Well this seems familiar,” Aubrey said, as it was obvious that Beca’s call-and-response was not planned. Many of the children were already familiar with alternative lyrics, but stopped singing out of confusion. Many started whispering to each other.  The costumed children seemed slightly disoriented as they missed their dance steps.  The teacher desperately gestured to Beca to stop.  “You were a little shit even then,” Aubrey observed.

Beca gave her a pained smile and a weak shrug.

The performance went on, with young Beca continuing to counter the main lyrics with the subversive schoolyard ones.  By the time little Toby made his entrance as Santa, the teacher and the rest of the children had mostly recovered.  Beca braced herself as the song came to a close.

Chorus

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,

You’ll go down in HIS-TOR-EEEEEEEEE  

Beca

(Like FUCKIN Columbus!)

“Oh my god,” gasped Aubrey, as the audience applauded politely after a moment of shock.

“Yeah.  Not my finest hour,” Beca said.

Beca watched her mother grab young Beca by the arm and drag her out of the auditorium.  Beca and Aubrey followed.

Her mother berated her younger self, and asked how she could be so disrespectful to her friends and teacher.  Young Beca refused to answer, arms crossed and defiant.

“She was really mad and embarrassed.  So was my dad,” Beca recalled. “They didn’t speak with me for a week.  Took away my computer for two.  My friends pretty much ignored me for the rest of the year.”

“I’m sorry, Beca,” Aubrey sympathized.  After a pause, Aubrey announced, “Let’s go. There's nothing more to see here.”

“Good. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Aubrey snapped her fingers.

Beca and Aubrey were in a small apartment, modestly decorated for the holiday with a small Christmas tree in the corner of the living room.  13-year-old Beca and her mother were sitting on the couch, gift-wrapping paper and ribbon strewn across the coffee table in front of them.  Young Beca was fiddling with her brand new iPod, a gift from her dad.  Her mother watched It’s A Wonderful Life on the television.

“Do you remember this Christmas, Beca?” Aubrey asked.

“Yeah.  It was our first Christmas since Dad left. Mom was pretty depressed. She wanted to keep Christmas simple so we just stayed home,” Beca answered.

Beca’s mother loved movies, and her DVD collection was impressive and vast. Christmas always meant watching the classics, and her mom's absolute favorite was It’s a Wonderful Life .

The phone rang. Beca’s mother grabbed the remote and paused the movie, listening and waiting for voicemail to pick up.  The call was from Beca’s dad.

“Hey, it’s me.  Anyone there?  I’m guessing you’re probably at Rachel’s enjoying that Christmas ham.  Well, I just wanted to call and wish you a Merry Christmas.  And Beca, hope you like your present.  Anyway, have a great day.  I’ll call for New Years.  Okay, bye.”

Beca’s mom unpaused the movie.  Young Beca gathered her things and stood up. “I’m going to my room,” she said and left the room.

Beca watched the scene play on the tv screen, which was towards the end of the film. She watched George Bailey’s friends arrive at his home with money to help him avoid arrest.

“That was always my mom’s favorite part,” Beca said.

“Isn’t it everyone’s?” Aubrey countered.  “Let’s move on.”

Aubrey snapped her fingers.

Beca and Aubrey fast-forwarded to Beca’s third year at Barden.  They were in the Bella house, with Junior Beca and Super Senior Chloe sitting opposite each other at the island in the middle of the kitchen.  Junior Beca was on her MacBook, fiddling with a mix.  Chloe put down her phone.

“My cab will be here in 10 minutes,” Chloe said.

“Great, you have a little time then,” said said younger Beca, readying the track she wanted Chloe to hear.

Beca's phone buzzed.

“Do you need to check that?” Chloe asked.

“No,” younger Beca said. “It’s probably Jesse to let me know that he’s at his parents house now.  Here, listen to this.  I want to know what you think of this transition?” offering Chloe her headphones.

Chloe listened intently.  Suddenly, she was grinning.  “I love it! The key change is aca-awesome.”

“Yeah, was thinking about working it into our set this year, but the modulation might be tricky,” Beca explained.

“Let me hear it again,” Chloe said.  Chloe listened to the track a few more times, moving to the beat. Handing the headphones back, Chloe said, “We’ll work it out. If we need extra help, you know we can always recruit Aubrey...”

“Uh, definitely no,” younger Beca said.

Aubrey narrowed her eyes at Beca, who shrugged sheepishly.

Chloe’s phone rang and Chloe answered it. “Great, I’ll be right out.”  She readied her luggage and turned to Beca, “My cab is here.  You have a great holiday, Becs. I’ll miss you.”

Younger Beca scoffed, “Chlo, you know you will be texting me every other minute, as usual.”

“Of course, but that doesn’t mean I won’t miss you,” Chloe replied.  “Have a Very Merry Christmas,” she said and leaned in for a tight hug.

“Yeah, you too,” younger Beca said, and squeezed back.

Beca watched the scene as if she were replaying a fond memory in her head.  She watched as Chloe rolled her luggage out the door, turned around, and blew a kiss to her younger self who subsequently smiled at the gesture.  Then Chloe was gone.

Younger Beca put on her headphones and listened to the mix again.

“You went to the auditions for her, didn’t you?” Aubrey asked, watching Beca carefully.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Beca said, slightly offended.

Aubrey smiled knowingly. “Nothing. Time to go.”

“Wait,” Beca said, holding up her hand.

Younger Beca’s phone buzzed again.  This time she looked to see who had sent the text.  It was from Chloe.  Younger Beca opened it immediately.  Meanwhile, Beca and Aubrey leaned in closer to read the message more easily.

OMG, the cabbie has this plush Santa puppy ornament hanging from his rearview mirror. It’s totes adorbs! *hearteyes* . I want to ask him if I can touch it.

Younger Beca smiled and shook her head as she quickly typed out a response. You’re such a fuckin weirdo.

Chloe’s response came back just as fast. I may be a weirdo, but I am *your* weirdo. *kissie face*

Younger Beca smiled as she put down her phone.

Aubrey watched both Becas for a moment before finally saying, “Okay, Beca.  Time to go back to bed.” Aubrey tapped on her watch.  “You’re expecting your next visitor soon.”

***

Beca woke up to the sound of Fat Amy coming up the stairs to their joint room. "Probably just came back from the Treble party," Beca thought.

Beca sat up in her bed and said to Amy, “You wouldn’t believe the dream I just had. I dreamt that my mom came to visit me and she said that I was going to be visited by ghosts.  The first one was Aubrey… hahaha.  Funny, right?  I know she’s scary as shit but…”

Amy had to interrupt.  “Beca.  It’s not a dream.  I’m your Ghost of Christmas Present and I am here to show you all the fun this sexy ass is having that you are not.”

Beca was slightly shocked. “So, you’re a figurative ghost too?”

“Yeah,” Amy responded, “And I am feeling drunk with power and vodka. Come, O Captain, My Captain. You’re missing the party!”  Amy waved her arms in a grand gesture.

Beca suddenly found herself inside the Treble house. The space was packed with partygoers who were animatedly chatting with each other as they took sips from their Solo cups.  Beca could smell the alcohol permeating throughout the house.

In the living room, she spotted the Bellas, dancing with each other in a small circle.  As usual, Chloe was in the middle of that circle, drink in hand, laughing and singing along with the music.  Beca was suddenly struck with a feeling of emptiness. Or perhaps loneliness.  She felt too much like an observer looking on at the scene, and longed to be in that circle with her girls.  She had forgotten that feeling of sisterhood.

Beca noticed non-ghost Amy was nowhere to be seen. "Where are you?" Beca asked Amy. 

At some point, the music stopped, and Beca heard someone yell, “Riff-off!”  Beca was familiar with this ritual.  All the a capella groups would participate in the riff-off which only had one category: Christmas songs.  Beca enjoyed this version, because while the singers would often stand and sing with their respective groups, it was less competitive and everyone would jump in to provide backing harmonies regardless of their affiliation.  It reminded Beca of her first riff-off when she sang No Diggity.  She missed that feeling of camaraderie with other singers.

Beca watched as they performed the whole gamut of Christmas songs, from traditional classics to modern favorites.  It wasn’t too much of a stretch to riff from one song to the next since these songs tended to have similar themes and phrases.  They easily went from The Christmas Song , to Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas , to Have a Holly Jolly Christma s and so on without much effort.

The High Notes, not surprisingly, introduced the Snoop Dogg version of Winter Wonderland/Here Comes Santa Claus .  Beca was particularly excited at that, given her involvement in the track.

“I did that!” she excitedly told Amy.  “I came up with that mix!”

“Yeah? Too bad no one knew about it,” Amy said.

Beca pouted.

It was then that Chloe cut in with Santa Baby , generating interest from the BU Harmonics who were mostly quiet but suddenly enthusiastic since Madonna had actually covered the song.  They provided backing vocals while Chloe seductively walked around the room, playfully acting the temptress with both boys and girls alike.  She had everyone transfixed.  Except maybe Fat Amy.

“Oh, poor ginger.  She definitely has a nice voice and a pretty face.  But she needs to be more of a woman like me,” Amy said patting her belly, “if she wants to hook a boyfriend.”

Beca thought about that.  When was the last time Chloe dated anyone seriously?  There was Tom during her Freshman year, but that ended when he graduated and Chloe stayed at Barden. Since then?  Beca couldn’t think of anyone who had more than two dates with her.

Chloe continued her serenade for the entire room:

Come and trim my Christmas tree

With some decorations bought at Tiffany

I really do believe in you

Let's see if you believe in me

She ended the song with great cheers from all. Apparently, they were so focused on her performance, no one had thought to interrupt.

Chloe started jumping up and down in drunken excitement.  “I won Christmas! I won Christmas!” she exclaimed laughing.  Several people went up to Chloe to offer congratulatory hugs, which she happily accepted.  Afterwards, the dance music started up again. Chloe found her drink cup, pouted when she saw it was empty, then announced “I need another drink” before heading for the kitchen.  Beca and Amy eagerly followed.

Jesse was in the kitchen too, and greeted Chloe.  “So, where’s Beca? I thought she was going to be here?”

Caught off guard, Chloe asked, “She didn’t tell you? She texted saying she wasn’t feeling well. She’s staying home tonight.”

“Oh,” Jesse said plainly.

Chloe could sense Jesse’s disappointment.  “It probably slipped her mind to tell you.  She seems to have a lot on her mind lately.  I mean, I barely see her anymore except for rehearsals.”

“Yeah,” Jesse agreed. “It’s just that our relationship has been feeling very one-sided lately.” Jesse thought a moment and then corrected himself, “Actually, not just recently.  It’s been going on for awhile now. I usually come up with stuff  to do together, and Beca will go along with it, but I can’t tell if she’s enjoying her time with me or not. It’s like we’re going through the motions of being together, but when we’re actually together, it doesn’t feel like we’re together.  Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.” Chloe said, slightly surprised at Jesse’s admission.

“He’s right,” Beca told Amy.

“We all know he’s right,” Amy said. “Lesbihonest, DJ.  You have eyes for someone else,” gesturing to Chloe.

Beca didn’t disagree.

“For what it’s worth,” Chloe said, “I feel like Beca and I are growing apart too.  Whatever is going on with her, I don’t feel a part of.  And it makes me sad to think about that.  At least you two have the plan to go to LA together and pursue your dreams.  I’ll be left here or back home in Florida trying to figure things out on my own.  It’s scary to think about.”

It was Beca’s turn to be surprised.  Why didn’t she know this about Chloe?  Why hasn’t Chloe confided in her?  Has she been so unavailable that her best friend can no longer approach her?

“We’re done here,” Amy said.

“What?  No. I need to know more… she needs to know more.  She needs to know that I will be there for her,” Beca pleaded.

“Will you?” Amy asked. “You don’t hang out with us anymore.  We barely even talk.  Did you know that Bumper asked me to be his girlfriend? You didn’t, right? That’s because you haven’t been around.  Also, seriously, Beca, would you have even cared?”

Beca was speechless.

“Like I said, we’re done here,” Amy concluded.

***

“Why are you dressed as the Grim Reaper?” Beca asked Lilly, who indeed was dressed in a black hooded robe and carried a scythe in her left hand. 

Lilly answered, but as usual, Beca couldn’t make out a word she said.

“Let me guess. You’re my Ghost of Christmas Future. Nod your head for yes, shake it for no.”

Lilly nodded her head.

“Ok,” Beca said, “I know the drill by now. I’m ready when you are.”

At that, Lilly swished her scythe.

They appeared in front of the Bella house.  Christmas lights lined the windows, and some faux icicles hung off the edge of the roof. Beca noticed the Bella sign no longer hung outside.

“The Bellas are gone?” Beca asked.

Lilly nodded.

"We didn't win the worlds, did we?"

Lilly shook her head.

Beca couldn’t believe it.  Somehow the Bellas, the group she helped cultivate and turn into national champions, no longer existed.

“What else happens?  What happens to me?” Beca asked.

Lilly swished her scythe again.

This time, they found themselves on the main floor of a dance club.  The place was packed with sweaty bodies, swaying and jumping to the beat.  Beca, from her vantage point, noticed that the space was huge, with multiple levels where she saw people lounging, drinking and flirting.  The DJ booth was situated in the middle of the dance floor, raised, almost like a monument.  She could see her future self, headphones in place, live-mixing for the crowd.  The music was signature Beca, mashups of various songs from different genres. The crowd yelled their appreciation whenever a new song was introduced to the mix.

“This is amazing,” Beca thought. “DJing at raves is not so bad.”

At the end of the set, Beca listened to her future self bid partygoers goodnight and followed her, with Lilly in tow, to the third level where the VIP lounge was located.  Future Beca ordered her usual drink.  Several people approached her as she waited, congratulating her on another great set.  She thanked them politely and excused herself.

Beca watched her future self take a seat in one of the lounge chairs in a more private corner of the room. Future Beca pulled out her phone and proceeded to scroll through her feeds on various forms of social media. Occasionally she would settle on a post for closer inspection, usually if it was from one of the Bellas.  Fat Amy and Bumper were in Australia posing with kangaroos in Santa costumes. Aubrey was apparently in a Christmas baking frenzy, posting pics of meticulously decorated cookies. “Nerd”, both future and present Beca said at the same time.

Each scroll through a feed--from Facebook, to Instagram, to Twitter--culminated in a visit to Chloe's profile page.  Future Beca glanced briefly each time, apparently just looking for recent updates which there appeared to be none of.

Future Beca put away her phone and finished her drink.  She waived to a server to get her another. 

Present Beca was curious.  "So, what's up with Chloe? Did she finally become the music teacher she always wanted to be?"

Lilly nodded.

"Really?  Can we see her?” Beca asked. “Please?”

After a short pause, Lilly nodded and swished her scythe.

Beca found herself in what looked to be another club, based on the low lighting and the stench of cigarette smoke in the air.  There was a stage with the curtains drawn and small tables in front of it, occupied mostly by well-dressed men in suits or wearing nice dress shirts with slacks.  A few of them seemed accompanied by a woman.

It suddenly dawned on Beca. “Are we in a strip club?” Beca asked. 

Lilly nodded.

A voice boomed through the loudspeaker as the lights dimmed lower.  “Gentlemen and Ladies! Open your eyes and ears, and ready yourself for the ultimate aural experience. Give it up for the delectable and unforgettable Chloe - music teacher extraordinaire who can make music with her mouth.”

The stage curtains opened up to reveal her best friend, dressed as a prototypical hot teacher: hair in a messy bun, black horn-rimmed glasses, silky blouse, short skirt and five-inch heels.  She stood upstage behind a music stand, left hand on her hip.  She wet her right index finger and thumb with her tongue, and turned a page of sheet music.  Beca recognized the opening chord ringing through the club’s sound system, her eyes transfixed on Chloe who began to sing:

You got me so wild

How can I ever deny

You got me so high

So high I cannot feel the fire

Beca stood motionless as she watched Chloe perform Promises . As she sang, Chloe took off her glasses and placed them on the stand.  She then removed the hair tie, ginger tresses falling to her shoulders.  When the song segued into Problem , Chloe abandoned the music stand and slowly made her way downstage towards the audience. Unbuttoning her blouse, the crowd whooped in response.

Chloe started incorporating sexy dance moves into the strip tease which caused Beca’s brain to short-circuit.  She knew Chloe was a good dancer.  Chloe was the Bellas’ chief choreographer after all.  Plus, they had often danced together at parties, so Beca knew Chloe had a few good moves in her.

However, Beca had never been a dedicated observer before.  She wasn’t trying to learn choreography this time.  Nor was she drunk on a dance floor with the rest of the Bellas.  No, she was 100% focused on Chloe and the way she moved her body to the music.  She found it both intoxicating and debilitating at the same time. 

The visual and audio assault was so overwhelming, Beca felt light-headed and had difficulty steadying her shaky breath. She averted her eyes and distracted herself by watching the men at the tables cheer, several of them drunkenly throwing paper bills toward the stage.  Chloe was soon down to black lacy lingerie.  Beca watched as Chloe made the motion to undo her bra.  Panicked, Beca left the area and headed towards the bar.  She couldn’t watch any longer.

“Fuck. I can’t fuckin breathe...” Beca stammered.

Beca took a moment to collect herself. Lilly tried to comfortingly pet her with the scythe, but Beca vetoed that.  A few minutes passed.  Chloe’s performance had finished by now.

She watched as a couple, a man and a woman, approach the bar and speak with the bartender.  The exchange seemed to signify a special request, because the bartender then called over a nearby server and said something into her ear, which prompted the server to nod and leave. “She’s probably getting whatever the couple wanted,” Beca deduced. 

Meanwhile, the bartender prepped a champagne ice bucket, pulled out three champagne flutes and placed them in front of the waiting couple.  Moments later, Beca noticed a familiar redhead enter the vicinity, this time dressed in a simple navy blue cocktail dress trimmed with lace, her hair loose and playful. Beca was relieved to see her friend fully clothed again. “Why does she have to look so good?” Beca thought to herself.

Chloe made her way over to the bar to introduce herself to the couple.  “Hi, I’m Chloe.  I understand you’re requesting a private session?”

“Yes,” said the man, “We really enjoyed your performance. We’re both big fans.  It was hard to take our eyes off of you.”

“Well, I am pretty confident about all of this,” Chloe said as she gestured to herself. She grabbed the champagne bucket and gestured to the glasses. “Bring those and follow me.”

“What?”, Beca choked out. “She’s going to give them a private dance?” 

Lilly nodded. 

“I mean, like a lap dance?”

Lilly nodded again. 

Fuck.  Beca’s heart raced and somehow felt like it got lodged in her throat.  The sinking feeling in her stomach made her feel ill and ready to vomit.  She wasn’t sure if this nauseous feeling was born out of guilt for somehow contributing to this future for Chloe, or if she was supremely jealous that someone else was having private sexy time with her best friend.  Nonetheless, she felt the need to act on it somehow.

She called after Chloe and her companions, “Chloe, hold up! Wait!”, forgetting that she couldn’t be seen or heard.  She caught up with them as she saw Chloe usher the couple into an empty room. Chloe entered herself and closed the door behind her.

“Chloe!  It’s me, Beca!  Wait!  Chloe!” Beca pleaded outside the door.  “Chloe!”, she repeated.

***

Beca started to feel her whole body shake.  She could hear a voice in the distance.

“Beca.  Beca, wake up.”

Beca opened her eyes and saw Fat Amy’s concerned face coming into focus. “Amy?” she asked.

“Yeah.  You ok there, DJ?  You were calling the ginger's name.” Amy said. “You know if you’re going to have sex dreams about our co-captain, maybe we need to reconsider our sleeping arrangements.”

“Yeah, I’m ok,” Beca nodded, sitting up. After a beat, “Wait, I wasn’t having a sex dream.”

“Uh huh,” Amy said, unconvinced.

Beca looked at Amy intently, “You’re you, right?  Not a figurative ghost?”

“Uh, riiiight,” Amy said carefully.  “You sure, you’re alright? Did all that sexual tension finally go to your brain?”

“No, no! It’s just…” Beca said, thinking.  She shook her head. “Nevermind. Hey what time is it?”

“Seven. Look, I know this face doesn’t need the beauty sleep, but I am going back to bed anyway,” Amy yawned and ambled back to her side of the room. 

Beca thought a moment, then got up, entered their shared closet and shrugged on a jacket.  “Amy, I have something to do, but I’ll be back in a few hours.  I’m calling a Bella emergency meeting.” 

“Yeah, ok,” Amy mumbled into her pillow.

***

Beca returned a few hours later as promised.  She brought back pastries, breakfast sandwiches, donuts and a Box o’Joe from Dunkin’ Donuts.  She laid out the spread on the kitchen island, and greeted each Bella as they arrived, everyone looking surprised by the offering, but thankful after a night of partying and drinking.

When all the Bellas were present, Beca decided to finally let the girls in on her secret.  She told them about the internship and about the failed demo with her boss.  She admitted to them that she was feeling lost and thought she could handle the pressure all by herself.  Unsurprisingly, the Bellas were extremely supportive, and Beca internally kicked herself for thinking that keeping the secret was ever a good idea.

Each of the girls related what there plans were for the holidays.  And Beca, in a rare moment of vulnerability, admitted she was going to miss them.  As if on cue, Chloe started to sing Cups , which led to Beca joining in, and finally all the Bellas singing along for a spontaneous performance full of their signature harmonies.

After the song finished, Beca turned to Chloe.  “Did we just find our sound?”

“Yeah, I think we did,” Chloe said.

“Chloe, can I have a word with you in private?” Beca asked.  When she felt other Bella eyes looking at each other suspiciously, she added “about the set?”

“Of course,” Chloe said.  “Let’s go to my room.”

***

“I feel like I haven’t been in here for a long time,” Beca said once inside Chloe’s single room.

“You haven’t,” Chloe said.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I know I’ve been avoiding you and acting like an ass.” Beca said.  “But I want to make things right.”  She took a deep breath. “I broke up with Jesse this morning.”

“What?  When?  How?” Chloe asked.

Beca explained that she met up with Jesse that morning and had a heart-to-heart.  They both agreed it was for the best.

“I’m sorry, Beca,” Chloe said,  “I know you really cared about him.”

Beca nodded.  She looked down, averting Chloe’s eyes.  “You love me, right?” Beca asked.

Chloe scoffed, “Of course I do. I love all--”

“No,” Beca interrupted.  “I mean… you love me.  Right?”

Chloe was surprised by Beca’s forwardness.  Nodding her head, she said, “Yeah.” 

“Good,” Beca breathed out. “Then it makes it easier for me to say this.”

Chloe, realizing what Beca was leading up to, interjected. “Beca. I know it’s hard for you. You don’t have to...”

“No, I do.  I really do,” Beca insisted. “Listen, for the longest time I’ve felt this way, but I’ve been too much of a chicken shit to do anything about it.  I stayed with Jesse because he’s a great guy, who deserves the happiest ending anyone could have. For almost four years, I played a role in that Hollywood love story, but it was more for him, not for me. And to make things even more awkward, some time in those four years, you went from being *that weirdo* to being *my weirdo* and I didn’t want to share you with anyone else.”

Beca continued, this time looking directly at Chloe. “What I’m trying to say is I have feelings for you.  Really strong feelings. Like, strong non-platonic, sometimes all-consuming feelings. And while I’m pretty sure love is in there somewhere… fuck, Chlo, it feels so much more than just that word.  Because it’s like feeling confident.  And feeling safe. And feeling happy.  And... just...” Beca struggled, but Chloe stepped in.

“Sssshhh,” Chloe said, gently holding Beca’s face in her hands.  She wiped away a tear from Beca’s cheek with the pad of her thumb. “I understand.”

Time seemed to go in slow motion at that moment.  Before she could comprehend what was happening, her lips were on Chloe’s or maybe it was the other way around.  She wasn't sure who made the first move.  It started as a simple pressing of lips, which soon evolved into a gentle exploration of sensation and taste. Beca could identify a hint of sweetness, probably from the rainbow-sprinkled cake donut which Chloe never could resist.  She could smell Chloe’s perfume, hear her tiny moans of pleasure, and feel her own heart fill up with emotion. This felt all so new to her.  She broke the kiss. 

“Jesus, why haven’t we ever done that before?” Beca said breathlessly.

“Because we’re stupid idiots,” Chloe grinned.

“Yep, that sounds about right,” Beca said.  “There’s so much more I want to tell you…” 

“Oh?” Chloe said as she raised an eyebrow, humor in her voice. “Did you actually want to talk about our set for Worlds? Because Das Sound Machine doesn’t stand a chance now that we’ve got our sound back…. Unless, that is, you decide to go all rogue on us again,” Chloe joked with a wink.

Beca smiled, then chuckled to herself as she recalled a moment in the past.  “I should tell you the story of my epic fail during my fifth grade holiday performance.”

Lacing her fingers with Beca’s, Chloe smiled radiantly.  “I’m totes here for that.”