Archive of Our Own

They’re sitting on opposite sides of the kitchen island. Soleum sits as properly as ever, both feet on the ground, and Choi sits as improperly as ever, one foot pulled up on the chair. It feels more like a stand off than a prelude to intimacy. In fact, Choi thinks he’s seen multiple divorces in movies with this exact scene and setting: a kitchen counter at night, jackets draped over the back of chairs, lit by yellow-ish artificial colors, the counter bare except for two glasses of water and a mostly empty bowl of fruit.

Choi lets his other foot thump against the side of the counter.

“So.”

“…”

“I should’ve asked earlier, but why did you ask me for this, anyway?”

Soleum immediately tenses, like he’s preparing to stand up.

“No no, I’m not refusing. Hah, what kind of person would I be if I made you come all the way here just to refuse and tell you to leave? I was just curious.”

Minutely, Soleum relaxes. “I thought Agent Choi would be good at it.”

What does that mean?? Is that a compliment? How much does Soleum know about this type of thing? Depending on his perception of BDSM, being ‘good’ at it isn’t a compliment at all.

“You know this requires trust, right? And quite a lot of it.”

“I trust you,” Soleum says, with no change in expression.

Choi blinks at him. ”Right… Did you ask anyone else?”

“Should I have?”

“That wasn’t a rejection, either. I’m just curious.” Perhaps Choi was the best option? He’s never fully sure how far Soleum’s circle of ‘coworkers’ goes. Well, if Soleum were to do this with anyone, Choi does prefer it being with him.

There isn’t much point in asking more questions, so he might as well switch gears. Choi shifts, putting his leg down and sitting up properly as Soleum watches him with a new edge of nervousness; somehow, his posture has become more stiff.

“Okay. To confirm before we start, you remember the color system? Red for stop and yellow for pause and green for continue.”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll definitely use it if needed?”

“Yes.”

At least Soleum sounds confident about it. “Do you prefer going in blind, or an outline of what’s going to happen?”

Soleum blinks at him. His fingers are curled around his water glass. “I’m allowed to know?”

Choi raises an eyebrow. “Yeah? This is for you. If you end up anxious, wondering what’s going to happen the whole time, then it defeats the point, doesn’t it?”

“…”

“For some people, knowing what’s going to happen helps them relax, because they don’t have to think about it. For other people, not knowing what’s going to happen helps them relax, because they don’t want to think about it. All personal preference.”

“If that's the case, I’d like to know what’s going to happen.”

“‘Kay.” Choi drums his fingers against the countertop. He exhales. “So. I’ll give you a few commands. Then I’ll spend some time tying you up— your wrists, forearms, maybe up to your shoulders. I’ll leave you like that for some time. A half hour max, or until I think it’s too long, or if you safe word. Then I’ll untie you, give a short rub down so you’re not sore tomorrow, and we’re done.” Choi widens his smile to a grin, feeling awkward. “Easy.”

“…That’s it?”

“Were you expecting more? I can adjust.”

“No, rather than ‘expect,’ it’s more…” Soleum isn’t making eye contact; his eyes are trained on the nearly empty counter top. His hands are pressing his glass tight enough that it indents his skin. "Are you going easy on me? Shouldn‘t these things include a gag, or a blindfold?”

Wow.

Is that the extent Soleum’s research went to? Choi doesn’t know if he’s impressed or disappointed.

“Is that’s what you want? If so, you should tell me. Otherwise, a gag seems like too much for a first time, especially since we haven’t established a non-verbal safe word. As for a blindfold…” Would pointing it out be a bit too mean? Ah but if Soleum can’t handle it, they should stop here. Besides, Choi won’t be able to do anything if he’s being sensitive over what Soleum may or may not be able to handle. So. Choi smiles, kindly. “…doesn’t Grapes-ie get scared easily? I don't think he'd like that kind of sensory deprivation, so let’s not?”

Soleum looks like he wants to argue. Haha, being a coward is a claim that he himself added to his persona, though, so he can’t say anything. Seems like Soleum knows that? Since he doesn’t protest, Choi moves on.

“Any other questions? Anything you wanna add or take away?”

Soleum shakes his head.

Choi nods. “Then, let’s start.”

Predictably, Soleum’s shoulders tense. “Yes, Agent-nim.”

“Eyyy, don’t tell me you’ll call me that this entire time. Isn’t that too formal?”

”Ah, then… Sir?”

“Eh? How is that any better?”

“What should I call you, then?”

“Hmmm.” Choi taps his cheek in faux consideration, then grins widely. “Isn’t familiarity important for these things? How about ‘hyung’?”

“…”

“Oh? Does Soleum-ah have some protests?”

“…”

”That’s my requirement, though. If you’re really against it, you know your colors~"

“……”

”Well, you can think on it for a bit. Until then…” Choi drops his hand from his cheek, looks at the fruit bowl, and takes a grape. He rolls it between his fingers, feeling Soleum’s eyes on him. Choi lets the silence build, and it feels like Soleum gets more tense with every passing second; he’s never done particularly well with Choi’s intentional silence.

Eventually, Choi shifts his gaze to make eye contact, and Soleum visibly startles. In separate, intentional movements, Choi brings the grape between them, leans closer against the counter, and extends his hand to Soleum, his wrist tilting back to make the offering.

“…My first command. Open your mouth?”

Soleum’s eyes flicker between Choi’s expression and the grape Choi is holding. He looks bewildered, almost, tinged with something similar to offense.

“Protesting?”

“Shouldn’t commands be more…?”

“Aigoo, what has Soleum-ie been researching? A command is a command; there’s no such thing as ‘should be'. If you don’t want to it’s a different matter, but you know your colors. Oh, maybe Soleum-ah is being difficult on purpose? How coy~”

Silently, Soleum opens his mouth.

It’s almost defiant. Maybe Soleum doesn’t like being ‘difficult’? Or does he not like being ‘coy’? Choi will have to keep that in mind. He turns his wrist to place the grape into Soleum’s mouth, careful to not make contact skin contact. Choi moves back to fidget with the fruit bowl, listens to the sound of Soleum biting on the grape, counts to three, and picks up another grape. When he looks up again, Soleum’s mouth is open and empty.

Even though Choi hadn’t asked him to do anything yet.

Choi stares at him. Slowly, Soleum closes his mouth. “What?”

”Nothing~ Here, have another one? Mm. Want more? Heh, don’t look at me like I’m forcing you. If you don't want more, I’ll change locations; the kitchen counter is too uncomfortable for tying or being tied."

The chair squeaks against the floor as Choi stands up. He takes his own largely-untouched water glass with him as he takes the several steps over to the living room, purposely slow. He only hears a secondary squeak three steps in. Choi stops in front of the couch, and he sets the water glass down on the sofa table, between the AC remote and a packet of chocolate.

When he turns around, Soleum is somewhere between making assumptions and waiting for instructions: he’s gotten up from his seat, and now stands awkwardly at the border of the living room.

Choi smiles. “Don’t look so uncomfortable. Come here,” he inclines his head slightly, towards the couch, “Sit down.”

Still looking uncomfortable, Soleum gingerly walks over. His eyes flick around the living room, and Choi can’t tell if it’s from curiosity or restlessness. In the first place, his living room isn’t that interesting, and Soleum has had ample time to look at it; the living room is fully visible from the kitchen. Soleum walks particularly slow as he glances around but, eventually, he stops a meter away. Choi patiently waits for Soleum to turn his body slightly and make the final steps to the couch.

Instead, he drops to the ground.

Soleum kneels. Into perfect posture, like he’s about to apologize for some great wrong. Even his head is lowered… Hahh. Seeing the top of Soleum’s head like this, it feels like Choi has some superior position, someone who could scold or punish or reward him at any whim.

Choi doesn’t like it at all. In fact, he thinks he hates it.

He crouches. Soleum blinks at the movement, and raises his eyes in curiosity. Choi smiles at the eye contact.

“Hi?”

“…”

“Why are you kneeling?”

“Was I not supposed to?”

“Did I tell you to?”

“No, but…”

Soleum’s eyes flicker to the side for a moment, like looking for a response. Wordlessly, Choi keeps smiling.

”…Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”

As expected. Ah, this won’t work if Soleum keeps making assumptions. Should he bring it up directly? What if Soleum gets defensive? Buying time, Choi prompts him. “According to?”

Soleum swallows. “The internet.”

“Oh~” Choi draws out the sound, thinking of a way to phrase his words so it doesn’t sound scolding or condescending. “Right. Pretend you’ve never heard of the internet.”

“What?”

“Mm. Pretend you don’t know anything. Like a rookie at work— no. Like going to a gym class, or a new workshop. You don’t know anything, you don’t need to anticipate anything, and all you need to do is follow my instructions to the best of your ability.”

“…”

“Got it?”

“What if I do it wrong, or too slowly?”

“There’s no ‘too slow’ here. If you do it wrong, then I’ll correct you. No big deal.”

Soleum stares at him, like he’s expecting more. Watching him carefully, Choi says, in a casual tone,

“But~ if you’re doing it badly on purpose, or being disobedient, I might have to punish you?”

Aha, Soleum’s shoulders loosened. Relief? Is it because he confirmed an expected result: punishment? What exactly is he expecting?

“Want to give it a go? I think it’d be fun. There’s lots of things you should be praised for.”

“What?”

“Hm?”

“‘Praise’?”

“Yep, that’d be your punishment! Praise. Stuff like how smart our maknae is, how strong, how considerate, etcetera etcetera etcetera. Aigoo, aren’t there too many good things to say?”

Soleum thins his lips. “Is that usually a punishment?”

“For you it is, isn’t it?”

“…”

“A punishment is meant to be a deterrent, after all~ If you don’t like it, make sure to listen obediently.” Choi widens his smile, “That also means not doing things I didn’t ask you to.”

“…”

“But, of course, our Soleum-ie’s ability to anticipate and act without being asked can also be seen as praiseworthy~”

Delightfully, Soleum’s lips dip into a frown. Choi suppresses a laugh. “If Soleum-ah understands, stand up and sit on the couch. Normally; no kneeling.”

“…Yes.”

Still crouched, Choi watches Soleum stiffly stand up, stiffly take a few steps over, and stiffly sit down on the couch. The soft cushion sinks under his weight.

“Ah, take off your tie, too.”

Soleum gives Choi a Look, but obeys without saying anything. There’s a moment after loosening the tie where his hand pauses, twitching upwards like he wants to keep the tie in a loop and just slip it over his head. He doesn’t, and takes the tie off completely before folding it neatly.

How proper of him.

Even without the tie, Soleum sits stiffly. His shoulders are tense, his back is ramrod straight, his feet are pressed parallel to the ground, and his hands are clenched so tightly on top of his knees that his slacks are wrinkling; he sits like the back of the couch is lava, and he can’t touch it.

Choi can personally testify that his couch is not, in fact, lava. He’ll have to get Soleum to relax, or least lean back more.

Choi stands up. He takes the steps closer, leans over to take Soleum’s tie, and places it on the side table, on the opposite end of the water glass. Then, he hesitates.

He has an idea, but for what he wants to do, it’d be easier and less awkward if Choi went behind the couch. But, it feels like that would stress Soleum out? This whole time, he’s been keeping a careful eye on Choi. It’d defeat the purpose if Soleum is unable to relax at all… Awkwardness it is, then.

Choi takes a moment to drink some water, then steps in front of Soleum. Soleum seems more on edge than he did a minute ago. Is it because he messed up? Or because of the potential punishment? If it’s the latter, then it might be too good of a deterrent.

Choi nods at Soleum. “Next command: undo one or three buttons on your collar. Aish, I feel suffocated just looking at you.”

It is, yet again, a not very serious command, and Soleum seems somewhat exasperated at it.

Choi prompts him. “Unless you want me to undo them for you?”

“No thank you.”

As expected, a quick response, followed by a quick action. Choi nods again, then says “I’m going to touch you, now.”

“…”

“Color?”

“Green.”

Choi makes a sound of acknowledgement and, feeling oddly nervous, reaches out. He moves slowly, purposely projecting his motions. Eventually, his fingers land; Soleum’s shirt is soft to the touch and Soleum’s skin warm enough to feel through the fabric. Choi gives Soleum time to get used to the contact and then leans in, bracing his other hand against the back of the couch for leverage. He ghosts his fingers across Soleum’s ribs and around his back to his spine, pausing when he reaches the center. He taps Soleum's back.

“Relax.”

Soleum tenses up more, his spine going rigid against Choi’s fingertips. Choi resists the urge to laugh. If Choi poked more, would Soleum become even more rigid, like some Newtonian fluid? Ah, it seems this junior has forgotten what ‘relax’ means.

Keeping his fingertips to Soleum’s shirt, Choi slowly opens his hand and spreads his fingers out.

“Lean back, until you can feel my palm. A bit more. Mhm. Now, follow.”

In increments, Choi guides Soleum back, moving his hand in centimeters, waiting to feel Soleum’s weight against his palm, and continuing— all the way until his hand is sinking into the back of the cushions, Soleum’s weight following with it.

Then, Choi moves his hand up.

Back, shoulder blades, upper shoulders, nape. Bit by bit, Choi lures Soleum to rest against the couch. He skims his hand up Soleum’s neck and stops at the back of his head, his fingertips sliding into Soleum’s hair. Eventually, Soleum tilts his head to meet it. Like everything else, Soleum follows as Choi slowly moves his hand, guiding Soleum to lean back more, his posture sliding into something more casual as Choi guides Soleum to lean his head fully against the cushion.

Choi smiles in satisfaction as he slips his hand out, and he uses it to unnecessarily brush Soleum’s bangs out of his eyes, letting his knuckles brush Soleum’s forehead.

“Good.”

It’s convenient that they’re similar heights; Choi knows firsthand that the height and shape of the couch is perfectly comfortable for someone of their height to lean against. In fact, it’s almost too comfortable, to the extent that he’s accidentally fallen asleep on it on multiple occasions. Not that Choi is planning to leave Soleum alone long enough for that.

Choi leans away from the couch and stands up. Soleum’s eyes widen and he watches intently, but he doesn’t move, even when Choi takes a step back. He’s listening well. With a nod, Choi turns.

“Agent-nim?”

“Hmm? ‘Agent-nim’ who? Jaekwan-ie isn’t here. Nor is Haegeum-noonim, for that matter. Nor is Team Elder, although I suppose you wouldn’t call her ‘agent-nim’. And… Ah, well, who else does our Soleum-ie talk to?”

“…”

Choi keeps walking. In the glass of the cabinet, he can see Soleum turning his head, pillowing his cheek against the sofa to keep an eye on Choi.

“If you’re talking to me, I told you what address to use~”

“……Hyung.”

Choi looks over his shoulder with a smile. “Yes, Soleum-ah?”

“What are you doing?”

”Grabbing some things. It won’t take long.” He opens the cabinet and takes out a watch, winding it to the correct time.

“Shouldn’t I do it?”

“‘It?’”

“Gather things.”

“Huh??” Choi freezes. Careful of his tone, asks “Why?

“….”

In the time of Soleum's silence, Choi finishes winding the watch. “All you should do is stay there. I didn’t tell you to do anything else, after all.” Next is the long length of cotton rope, one that Choi bought for this.

“…Shouldn’t the sub be the ones doing tedious things?”

Wow, he could guess that Soleum had strong preconceptions of submission, but it’s worse than Choi thought. Why does Soleum goes to subservience so easily? Choi uselessly wraps the rope around his arm to buy time. Lightly, he gives a reprimand.”Is that an assumption? Where did you hear that?”

“…”

“Is that something you think a sub should do?”

“…I also don’t like sitting around doing nothing.” A personal admission? That’s a bit surprising.

“No one said being submissive is easy~," Choi says with a sing-song lilt. He closes the cabinet, turns around, and smiles. He keeps eye contact as he walks over, watching as Soleum moves his eyes to follow, his head still pillowed against the sofa. Choi stops just in front of him, their legs almost touching. “Our Soleum-ie is doing well though, isn’t he?”

Choi reaches his rope-wrapped hand out. He’s worried Soleum might flinch, but all he does is eye it warily. Cautiously, he brushes his knuckles against Soleum’s temple. Soleum accepts it.

“Good.”

Soleum’s expression doesn’t change but his body relaxes a little. His eyes stay open, flickering between Choi’s hand and his expression. Anticipating. Which, hey, is better than assuming.

Choi takes the opportunity to play with Soleum’s hair, rolling some strands between his fingers. He thinks about patting Soleum’s head but Soleum might find it patronizing, so Choi just takes his hand back. He flicks his wrist, bringing attention to the rope wrapped around it.

“Next part of the itinerary: bondage~.” Choi says it with the intonation of ‘ta-da’. “Unless Soleum-ie wants more time? I can do more build up.”

Soleum seems nervous. He also seems somewhat irked. “I don’t need more time. I’m ready.”

“Mmm. Then, hands behind your back.”

Soleum obeys without any hesitation. In defiance of how well he seemed to be listening, he then asks “Should I move?”

An assumption, but at least he asked. “No? It’s okay?”

“Then, how will you reach…?” Soleum’s eyes shift to the side, like he’s imagining Choi moving around the couch and behind him. His shoulders tense.

Choi grins. “I’ll sit on you.”

“………”

This time, it’s a reactive silence. Confusion, understanding, bewilderment, slight anxiousness.

“Color?”

“Green.”

“You don’t look happy about it.”

“No, I’m just confused. Why..?”

“Because I want to? I didn’t know I needed a reason.”

The reason is so that Soleum can be grounded by the weight and have an extra sensation to focus on, but Soleum doesn’t need to know that. He’s trying to get Soleum to stop thinking, after all.

“So. Color?”

“Green,” Soleum repeats, apparently a little miffed about it. Choi hums in confirmation, and he glances at Soleum’s lap. The idea is practical, but actually doing it is more embarrassing that Choi thought. Is there any way to climb someone's lap smoothly? Pretending like he isn’t hesitating, Choi re-establishes eye contact with Soleum and smiles like he’s confident. He maintains the eye contact as he raises one knee, places it on the couch, and carefully lets it sink into the cushion and stabilize, his calf against Soleum's outer thigh. Once he feels stable, Choi reflexively glances at the back of the couch, re-establishes eye contact and slowly leans in, his hand braced against the back as he shifts his weight and brings his other leg up, sitting so that he’s straddling Soleum’s thighs.

He doesn't let go of the back, so it does feel like he's caging in Soleum a little. Like this, he can read Soleum’s reactions more acutely. Soleum’s legs are rigid under Choi’s weight, and his muscles tense and un-tense with each one of Choi's minor movements. Soleum must be more nervous than he's letting on.

Choi moves his hand away. “As our ever-observant Soleum-ie said, I can’t reach from here. So, Soleum-ah, you’ll have to lean on me. That’s a command, by the way.”

“For how long?”

“Until I tell you not to?” Choi ends the sentence with a lilt, with a mild feeling of ‘shouldn’t this be obvious?’ He had expected hesitation, and he uses the time to unwrap the rope he had uselessly wrapped around his arm earlier.

Soleum still hasn’t responded by the time Choi finishes. Choi drops his hands to his sides, rope and watch in hand, and raises his eyes to look at Soleum. “Well?”

Soleum stares at Choi, and then his eyes drop down. They hesitate over his scar, like usual, and end up somewhere between Choi's shoulder and chest, where Soleum’s head would actually be resting.

“Yes, hyung.”

It’s said with a tone Choi doesn’t like, something that’s reminiscent of 'yes, sir'. Choi thinks that a reprimand would have an undesired effect since Soleum already looks uncomfortable, forces himself to trust that Soleum will safeword if needed, and lets it go with a light change in atmosphere. “Ah, if you’re worried about your hair getting caught, should I take off my button up?”

Soleum gives him a look, and his discomfort seems to ease. “It’s okay,” he says blandly, and to punctuate that statement he leans in without ceremony, putting his forehead against Choi’s shoulder. It doesn’t look very comfortable and it’s not quite what Choi was thinking of, but he supposes Soleum can adjust as he relaxes. Careful to not jostle Soleum too much, Choi reaches out and drapes the watch on the back of the couch, in a position where he can easily keep an eye on the time.

To be honest, there isn't much point to Choi's carefulness; Soleum is way too tense. If he were a hedgehog, he'd be all puffed up from his nerves, quietly bristling and hurting anyone who comes too close. Choi will have to find a way to ease Soleum into it. Maybe some casual talk, to try and lighten Soleum's nerves?

He shifts a hand to Soleum's back, trailing his fingertips from the edge of Soleum's shoulder to the center of his spine. Choi spreads his hand out, his palm flat to Soleum's back.

"Some years ago, when I was a rookie," Choi starts the story like he happened to think of it, noting how Soleum becomes carefully still, his legs going rigid between Choi's and staying like that, "I had my first Problem Day. Some dates are prone to ghost stories, y'know? And there's some deadly disasters that open rarely, but catch a lot of victims when they do. This was the former."

Choi moves his hand up Soleum's spine to his shoulder blade, and idly rubs his thumb into a point of tension. "Sometimes those days are really busy and sometimes they're the same as any other day, but since it was the first time for me, I was really anxious. That's that phrase… 'couldn't sit still'? I was the opposite. All I could do was sit still. I was sitting on that old waiting room sofa, back ramrod straight, every muscle tense, waiting anxiously for an influx of rescue calls."

He stills his hand. "And then, the first call came."

"…"

"…"

"…And then?"

Oh, Soleum really took the bait. Choi sighs, long and theatrical. "Of course, I rushed up to meet it. At this point I've been anxiously waiting for at least half an hour. How could I not be ready? So I stood up, ready to enter as soon as I could…

"And then I fell over. Splat! Flat on my face."

Soleum gives a startled huff of laughter; Choi feels far too much pride about it. He sweeps his hand up to Soleum's nape.

"I was too tense for too long and my legs gave up the moment I stood up. I entered that disaster shaking like a newborn fawn. Aigooo, my seniors teased me about it all month. It was so embarrassing. Even the civilian asked if I needed help, haha… After that, I made a conscious effort to stay relaxed, no matter the situation."

The message is obvious enough that Soleum moves without further prompting, his neck turning under Choi's still hand. Soleum rests his head on Choi comfortably, finally changing from how he was precariously balancing his temple on Choi's shoulder. Choi can tell when Soleum settles by his breathing, the held breath as he moves and the exhale when he's comfortable, the breath ghosting over Choi's skin, soft and humid on his scar.

Choi makes a conscious effort to not freeze.

Ah, he should have thought this out more. He can feel the cooled edges of Soleum's breathing against his collarbones, the soft plush of Soleum’s turned cheek. He had turned towards Choi’s neck without a moment of thought. Without wanting to, Choi's mind impulsively wonders if Soleum is staring at the scar. He knows he's being paranoid; Soleum turning his face towards Choi is more comfortable than twisting his neck outwards, aware from the core of his body. It's the more comfortable position, so it's also the natural, default action. There's no intention to it. It's the way Choi wanted him to turn, if he really thought about it.

Still, Choi is instantly reminded of when Soleum, when cornered, went for Choi's neck without hesitation. The spy who, upon being given Choi's name, instantly looked at Choi's neck and stared at his scar with uncanny and unexplainable familiarity. To this day, not knowing what Soleum knows makes him anxious.

Goosebumps prickle on Choi’s skin. Ah, now that he’s aware of it, he feels somewhat vulnerable with Soleum so close to his scar. He’s hyperaware of Soleum's breaths. Warm, damp, long and intentional, like Soleum is actively trying to focus on his breathing. It’s not something that he normally does, so maybe it’s a sign of his nervousness? That’d be two of them.

He wonders if Soleum heard the change in Choi's heartbeat. Soleum doesn't mention it, so Choi, for his own temporary emotional comfort, lets himself falsely believe that his sudden tension went unnoticed. He has other things to focus on, right now. What's the list? Position, check. Soleum's comfort, probably check. Ah, next Choi has to get into a position he can at least semi-comfortably tie from. And before that, he should rebuild the atmosphere. He takes a breath. He makes himself move on.

"Seems Soleum-ah understood what I meant, hm? Good. I'll continue."

Starting slow and gradually speeeding up, Choi brings his hands to Soleum's shoulders, and drags them down his arms. He presses in enough to feel the dip of Soleum’s skin and the resistance of muscle. It’s technically unnecessary and very self-indulgent; Choi has always preferred being to touch and confirm his visual notes. Soleum’s trapezius is overly stiff from chronic tension. And he's been using one side of his body too frequently; the tricep on his dominant arm is bigger than his nondominant arm; His brachioradialis on both forearms are tight with tension, but that could be from the situation. His hands are curled into his palms tight enough that his nails indent his skin.

Choi reaches Soleum's wrists, brushes Soleum’s hands, and slide their fingertips together just enough to move  Soleum’s nails away from his palm.

“Follow my hands,” Choi murmurs. He feels Soleum’s breathing pause, and the barest movement of Soleum nodding. Choi squeezes his fingers, and then begin to move his hands away. Their hands are linked so loosely that Choi’s fingertips could slip out from the smallest movement, but Soleum follows him well, never letting Choi’s fingers go further than Soleum’s outermost knuckle. Obediently, Soleum keeps contact, following until his hands are at the opposite arm.

“Good,” Choi says, and then he slips his hands out, watching as Soleum’s fingers automatically curl around the columns of his forearms.

Soleum’s breathing is more shallow than before. Choi wishes he could check Soleum’s expression, but that’s something he can’t do in this position.

“Keep your arms there.” Choi circles one hand around loosely around Soleum’s pressed-together forearms. His other hand travels up Soleum’s spine. He pauses at the curve of Soleum’s neck and puts the slightest bit of pressure, “Drop your head more; it’ll take tension off your shoulders.” Soleum reflexively tenses and Choi puts pressure on the hand around his arms, pushing them down so slightly. “You’ll keep this position for a while, so try to be comfortable.”

Mentally, Choi counts to ten. At four, Soleum shifts: his head drops down more, his shoulders are lowered with intention, and his hands slide closer to his wrists instead of his elbows. Choi restarts his count, this time to five, and there's no more movement. Satisfied, Choi leans in closer and hooks his chin on Soleum's shoulder. He turns his head slightly, so he can best see Soleum's arms, and he thinks his breath probably brushes Soleum's neck when he speaks.

“I’m going to start tying now. Color?”

“Green,” Soleum says, voice slightly hoarse.

It’s not a tone Choi hears often, and definitely not one he's heard this session. Is Soleum still nervous? His body feels more lax, but maybe Soleum is good at faking it.

Choi taps his fingers along Soleum’s forearm, pretending to build anticipation while he buys time. Choi wasn’t planning on talking during this; it's hard to predict how Soleum would react to Choi’s words. Whether he's wary of a verbal trap, dismissive of what Choi is saying, or inexplicably listening extra intently to a story Choi said in passing, there's high chance that Soleum's focus would be somehow disturbed. Leading him into a state of not thinking is difficult enough, so it'd be better to not add risks.

But Soleum is discomfitted by Choi's silence, particularly when he's not expected it. If Soleum is already nervous, then…

“I'm going to start at your left hand." Choi tries to keep his voice soothing without slipping into patronizing. The most similar tone he has is the one he uses to talk to civilians, so it’s surprisingly… difficult. He shifts his pitch lower and makes his vocal rhythm more intentional— educational, almost, like reciting a fairytale.

“First will be a simple overhand knot, to secure the end. Fold the ribbon in half, cross it where the knot should end, and slip one end through the loop.” He starts the tying around the back of Soleum’s fingers, so Soleum doesn’t have to put effort in keeping his hand up against gravity. Choi makes the loop, slips his pinky between the ribbon and Soleum’s skin, then pulls one end to tighten the rope until it's flush to skin.

“How is it? Comfortable?”

“…Nm. Yes.”

“Then we’ll continue. Next is a square knot. This is main knot I’ll be using. It’s used for, hm, bandages, macrame, and tying sashes? It’s often decorative. But it lies flat, so with some torn clothing, it works well as a bandage in a pinch. It's a simple knot once you know it. Two overhand knots in different directions, one left-over-right and one right-over- left. Since this one has the middle tied already, it's a bit easier, with just one overhand knot. I used to remember the knot by shape: it's somewhat pretzel like, with the center looping under on one side and over on the other."

In theory, Choi could easily tie this knot without touching Soleum at all. In practice, he touches Soleum as much as he can. He makes unnecessary contact as he loops the ends; brushing his knuckles, pressing down with the back of his hand. He's conscious of slowing down the process, skimming the side of his palm to Soleum's forearm— he tries to give Soleum as much time and sensation to sink as possible. When he has the shape of the knot, he once again slides a finger between the rope and Soleum's skin before tightening .

"To continue it, you just flip the direction. That one had the right end going under, so this time it's going to go over. Another pretzel shape, right end over left, pull, and… tighten."

Brief, fleeting touches, small bits of warmth and contact in a repetitive, droning motion. Choi gradually lowers his voice, until it's down to a murmur. “And then I’ll repeat the process. Left over right… right over left… and so on. Over, and over…and over."

Soleum doesn't respond, nor is there any reaction to Choi's silence. His breathing stays the same, and none of his muscles jolt. That's probably a good thing. Choi lets the silence continue. He ups the contact. He brushes a hand across the length of Soleum's forearm while straightening the ends of the ribbons. His fingers curl around the turn of Soleum's wrist and pause there as Choi uses the tip of his thumb to check a knot's tightness. He runs his nail along the slope of the ropes and into the twists, feeling Soleum's muscle jump between his legs with every mild scritch against Soleum's skin.

It's quite fun. After Choi finishes the last knot, he uses his fingers to follow every strand of rope just for the sake of it, fitting his fingertips into the dip where rope ends and Soleum's skin begins. He makes his way from right to left, left to right, and then to the middle, where he pauses.

He's done. It didn't take Choi as long as he would have liked, despite his over-cautiousness and lollygagging. He's still unsure if any of the knots are too tight; Soleum had gotten less verbal as time passed, and his responses to Choi's constant check-ins went from single words to vocalizations. Choi didn't want to be too naggy with it in case it had a negative effect, but maybe he can stricter in the case of a next time. He drags his nail over Soleum's skin, feels Soleum's thighs tense and untense, and thinks a more complicated rig would probably be okay, too, and more time for the sinking to happen.

“Soleum-ah~” Choi slides his fingers up Soleum’s spine, over his shoulder and up the neck, until he’s cradling the back of Soleum’s head. He puts pressure to his fingertips and when he moves them back, Soleum follows, obediently following Choi’s hand, letting himself be led back until the weight of his head is in Choi’s palm.

His breathing doesn’t change, still somewhere between deep and shallow. His eyes are dazed, half closed, looking at nothing.

Choi brings his other hand up. He rests it just slightly against Soleum’s cheek. Without seeming to think about it, Soleum leans further into Choi’s palm, his eyes closing fully shut. His skin is warm to the touch. A tear slips down his cheek.

…

Cold sweat prickles down Choi’s back at the sight of it, but Soleum doesn’t seem to notice at all. Choi uses his thumb to wipe away the tear. He keeps his hand there, holding his hand as lightly as he can, like Soleum is a sand sculpture that'll crumble away at a too-strong touch. Minutes pass, Choi carefully maintaining the position, but no more tears fall down. Slowly, Choi lets himself relax. At least Soleum's state doesn't seem affected.

He guides Soleum’s head back, until his head is resting on the couch. He’s not sure if Soleum is aware of anything. Keeping his palm on Soleum’s cheek, Choi shifts his fingers, until he can feel Soleum’s pulse. It’s rapid, strong and consistent, thudding beneath Choi’s fingertips.

It’s nice.

Hah, could this be considered taking advantage? This whole thing is for Soleum’s sake. Soleum’s the one who’s meant to relax, to enjoy the high and stop thinking for a while. Choi is just here to facilitate the process and make sure nothing bad happens. He’s here to guide.

Still, he thinks he’s getting far too much satisfaction of it.

It’s nice. It’s relaxing. It’s reassuring . It’s a dangerous feeling, the warmth of Soleum’s cheek in his palm. When it comes to Soleum, Choi is used to the uncertainty, the near-constant question of where he is and persistent concern over his well-being. Soleum is someone who draws back at the slightest prod. Soleum is the type to leave before anyone can know him, and hide if anyone tries to.

And here he is, between Choi’s legs. His slacks are getting wrinkled from Choi sitting on them, his dress shirt has the first few buttons undone, and his hair is caught between Choi’s fingers. It’s rare for Soleum to feel this tangible, instead of like he could disappear at any moment. Choi isn’t the type to like trapping people, but this isn’t a ‘trap’, is it? Soleum is here willingly, or as ‘willing’ it can be when he’s lured by the emotional relief. Perhaps that's why Choi's subconscious barriers seem lower than usual; he doesn't have to be overtly considerate when Soleum is here of his own will and Choi knows what he wants.

Choi knows he shouldn’t get used to it, but he can savor it while it lasts. Careful to balance the weight of Soleum’s head in his palm, Choi brings his other hand down, smoothing it across Soleum’s back and down to his elbow, where it lingers. With an exhale, Choi gently drops his head against Soleum’s shoulder. It’s solid.

His fingers tighten around Soleum’s elbow. Choi turns, shifting so his forehead touches Soleum’s neck. If he’s quiet enough, he can imagine his heartbeat is the sound of Soleum’s. He counts the seconds, listening to the sound of Soleum’s shallow breathing and memorizing the density of the thighs between his legs. The cotton of his shirt is ticklish against Choi’s cheek, and his hair is slightly rough against Choi’s fingers. At thirty seconds, Soleum's heart has beat 65 times. Choi sinks his fingers into Soleum’s elbow, just to feel the resistance of flesh, and he slides that hand up Soleum’s arm. He presses hard enough to feel the weight of muscle, and stops at the edge of Soleum’s shoulder. They're still corded through with chronic tension, but they've relaxed far more than before.

If Choi cries, it'll stain Soleum's shirt. Choi sits up.

He checks Soleum’s complexion, and thinks his skin feels warmer than before. The water is on the side of the arm holding Soleum’s cheek. Choi lets go of Soleum’s shoulder and uses that hand to grab the cup, careful to not spill the water or jostle Soleum too much.

“Soleum-ah,” Choi murmurs, “Open your mouth.”

Soleum complies. Choi guides his head to tilt forward slightly from where it rests on the couch, and gently rests the rim of the glass against Soleum’s bottom lip. He carefully, almost agonizingly slow, tilts the glass and lets the water drip into Soleum's mouth. He counts the Soleum's swallows, and Soleum doesn't protest when Choi pulls the glass away. Soleum's head stays in place, swaying slightly, and he obediently rests his head back on Choi's shoulder when Choi presses his hand against the back of Soleum's head.

Choi leaves his hand there. This whole thing has been crazy, but Choi marvels at the fact that they're in this position, Soleum weighed down by Choi and letting Choi's hand in his hair.

It took Choi fifteen minutes to do the tying and he lets Soleum sit, bound, for thirty minutes. He lets another minute go by out of indecision, keeping on eye on the watch's hands as he debates giving more time. With how comfortable Soleum looks he's tempted to keep it going, but since he doesn't know how the drop will affect Soleum, it's better to play it safe.

He sighs, tapping the side of his head against Soleum's. "Soleum-ah, time's up. I'm going to untying."

Soleum makes a noise. Taking it for acknowledgement, Choi begins the untying process. He's not sure if he should narrate this, too, in case his voice would help with the grounding process, but there's not much to say about it, and it might have the opposite effect of bringing Soleum deeper.

Besides, it doesn't take long to undo the knots.

Without the rope and any tension, Soleum's arms slowly droop down, the back of his fingers curled against the cushion seat. Choi waits for another moment. Nothing happens.

"Soleum-ah, I'm done untying."

"…"

"Soleum. Look at me."

Solemn raises his head slowly, like it's heavy. When he makes eye contact, his mouth shapes a syllable he doesn't normally use.

Choi raises an eyebrow. "If you want to keep calling me that you can, but it won't convince me to lengthen the session." He knocks his knuckle against Soleum's forehead.

Soleum's eyes scrunch and he sways back slightly, even though Choi didn't hit him that hard. Soleum sways back forward, into his original position, and slowly opens his eyes.

"…ent Choi.”

“Mmm.”

Soleum blinks up at him. Then, tears spill down his cheeks.

This time, Choi isn't the only one caught off guard. Soleum tenses instantly, his hands going up to wipe the tears away. Choi wants to help, but he forces himself not to.

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Crying? Don't be. Here. Kiss?"

Solemn startles, instantly dropping his hands from his eyes to stare at Choi in shock. Choi holds out the partially-unwrapped chocolate and makes a conscious effort to not laugh.

"Want me to feed you, or you got it?"

"…I got it." Soleum lethargically raises an arm and takes the candy by the wrapped bottom. He seems to struggle a little with unwrapping it and Choi considerately looks away. He picks up the remote from the side table and turns on the air conditioning. When he looks back, the foil wrapping is cupped in Soleum's hand, and Soleums head is slightly cocked towards the buzz of the AC unit.

"Yummy?"

Soleum eyes meander from the AC unit to Choi, and slow blink at him. "I… guess?"

"Huh? Does Soleum-ie not like chocolate? It's true I haven't seen you eat it… Aigoo, this senior should have been more considerate."

Soleum stares at Choi with a blank expression and then says, slowly, like trying to gather his thoughts, "Ah… it's not that I don't like it. It's been a while since I last ate chocolate for the sake of eating it, so it's somehow nostalgic."

"It's been long enough to feel nostalgic? Grapes-ie should treat himself more. Here, have another one." After handing another Hershey's kiss to Soleum, Choi busies himself with drinking water. This time Soleum unwraps the chocolate more quickly. After he pops it in his mouth, Choi looks back at him.

"Okay. Arms out."

Soleum's face is as expressive as ever when he's unguarded.

"I need to massage your arms and shoulders so you aren’t sore tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fine.”

"You'll be sitting here anyway, so let me. Besides, how can I let my junior be sore because of me? What? You don't like that phrase? Then let me make sure you don't be sore, hmmm?"

Soleum gives him a Look that Choi counters with an unrepenting smile. Distinctly unhappy with it, Soleum moves his arms and holds them out. Choi wonders if, if there's a next time, he should include the massage as part of the scene, if Soleum doesn't like it. He consciously resists the urge to praise Soleum for listening, starts massaging from Soleum's left hand, and asks, "How was it?"

Soleum has dropped his head against the back of the sofa, and he again takes a moment to respond. “…Fine."

"Need more detail than that, Grapes-ie. What it felt like, what worked, what didn't, what should change in the case of a next time, all that." Choi moves up to Soleum's forearm. The room has cooled by several degrees, but Soleum's skin is still particularly warm.

"I'm… not sure." Soleum sits up more properly, and his expression goes from dazed to concentrated. He's sniffling infrequently, but his tears have stopped, and he no longer seems unbothered by the crying. "Physically speaking, I can tell my heart rate went up, and my mouth went dry more quickly than normal. But those were fairly faint sensations, since at a certain point I wasn't thinking much."

Between Soleum's silence and surprisingly long responses, Choi had finished the left arm. He switches to the other hand. "What point was that?"

"I think, shortly after you moved my hands, before you started tying."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"…Nothing, I just didn't realize. You were already in subspace by then?"

"Not in it, but beginning to sink in. It's a gradual process, so it's difficult to pinpoint exactly when I entered."

"Right…" His own surprise aside, Soleum seems to have regained enough lucidity that Choi doesn't have to keep prompting him out of his dazed state. So, Choi continues to Soleum's forearm and moves on. "There's more questions, but they only matter if you want to do it again. Do you?"

"….I'm not sure."

"Alright. That's okay. If you decide you do, tell me the things you did and didn't like, so I can do better next time."

"How did I do?"

"Hmm? It's hard to say; 'good' or 'bad' is subjective. Well, I suppose, an objectively bad situation is someone who doesn't use their safeword system, but you used it properly."

"So, Agent Choi didn't mind being my dom?"

Wow. What a phrase. "Didn't mind."

"You'd be willing to do it again?"

"Yep~ Just let me know some time in advance. I'm done with your arms, so I'm gonna get up now, 'kay?"

"? Why are you asking me?"

"To be polite, I guess~?" Since the loss of weight apparently won't destabilize Soleum's emotions, Choi carefully gets up. Hahh, his legs are staticky from staying in one place for so long. He valiantly tries to not fall and carefully sits next to Soleum, who somehow seems to have tensed up again. Hmm.

Choi bounces his legs a little, hoping the movement will get the blood flowing, and raps his knuckle against Soleum's arm. "C'mon, turn around. I need to get to your shoulders. Mm. While you're at it, you may as well help yourself to more chocolate. Or water."

He had half-expected Soleum to resist more, but he turns without any fuss, and leans over to pick up the glass of water. Choi waits for Soleum to resettle himself, then places his hands on Soleum's trapezius, starting slow with the massage as Soleum picks up the water and drinks it.

"How is it? Yummy?"

"All water tastes the same, Agent Choi."

"Oh? I guess Grapes-ie's palate isn't very refined."

"…"

"I'm kidding~~ The important thing is that you're hydrated. Ah, have you had dinner? It's pretty late, so you probably ate before coming over?"

"……"

"Huh, sounds like a no. Don't me that our team's youngest isn't eating properly…. Grapes-ie should take care of his body."

"I do."

"Really? So if I make something for you real quick, you'll eat it?"

"…I can just buy something at the convenience store."

"Eyyy, why waste money for no reason? I have rice and some leftovers that can be heated up. It doesn't take long to make fried rice, either."

"…"

"Besides," Choi lies, "I haven't eaten either. Don't tell me this junior will make his senior eat alone…?"

"Agent Choi, you…"

"I know, I know, I'm a hypocrite." Finished with the massage, Choi pats Soleum's shoulders. "So you'll eat with me?"

Soleum's shoulders fall and rise with a sigh. "Alright. I suppose."

Choi playfully ruffles Soleum's hair, resists the urge to say 'good,' and stands up on legs that are, fortunately, less staticky than before. "It should only take ten minutes or so. Up to you if you wanna wait here."

Soleum makes a noncommittal noise, so Choi leaves him behind to walk into the kitchen and gather the food items. When he checks on Soleum, he's resting, lying fully on the couch, looking comfortable.