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Wang was screaming.
Behind the window looking into Rhodes Island’s medical room, Chongyue looked on hopelessly as Wang thrashed on the bed. His arms clutched his chest, as if something was stabbing through his body. Medics ran around the room, holding various instruments, infusion bags and pain suppressant pills.
He wasn’t allowed inside, but Chongyue knew that they were doing everything in order to help him.
But Wang was still screaming.
That did not stop the way he felt. All he wanted to do was break the glass with his fist, get in there and hold him close. His fingers wanted him to do it. His whole body wished for him to just take him away.
He clutched his fist. He was so, so close-
No.
Instead, he put his head against the glass and sighed.
It should have been me.
But it was too late now. What's done is done, and Wang is now experiencing the immense pain. Even though the one suffering in that room is the only piece left of Wang's soul. If the pain was that strong right now, what is the real Wang feeling in that Tomb, alone, in the dark, crystalizing from Originium?
Anger was eating him from inside, uncontrollable rage, all that he suppressed inside by his own humanity. Fury that he couldn't stop this. That he let Wang take over Sui’s body. That Ya got inside the Tomb and infected Sui - no, Wang - with Bu Fan.
His hand slid down the glass. It was too late. And all he could do was watch.
Watch as the one he loved screamed in agony.
“You look worse than me,” Wang said, bringing the pain numbing medicine to his lips. His huge tail was carefully placed between the bed headboard and his back, being better than the pillow he was given. The tip of his tail played with the black and white cat. “You know this is not the first time, yet you act as if I am going to roll over and die next second. I am not that weak.”
He was back in his room. Even though Rhodes Island operators helped him settle in and decorate the place in the style he wanted, the medics were quite insistent to bring him back to the room on a portable bed. He was unused to this type of bed and it was very uncomfortable for him to even try to sleep due to his own, and as much as he loathed to admit it, huge tail. No matter how he tried to move, it was always in the way. In the end, Shuo helped him settle in.
"……"
Wang sighed, "Originium can't erode Sui’s body right now, I won't die, yet."
Chongyue, who was sitting next to his feet said in a low voice. "I know."
“Then what is going on with you? Why are you being like that?”
“I know. I'm just worried-” Shuo started to say, but Wang raised his hand to stop him.
“You worry too much, it wasn't that serious.” Wang looked away as he said that, not looking him in the eyes. “Most of the time no one even noticed it.”
“I did. I know you. I know even when your head hurts trying to think about how to lose a part of the board to Zuo Le so that he doesn't feel bad for losing to you for the thousandth time.” Shuo said, taking Wang's raised hand into his own. “I know you do it because you pity him, but you really are going all out on him.”
“He is a Sui regulator. I will fight him on the Weiqi board as many times as he wants, but he won't find an easy victory.” Wang said.
“Yet you are still teaching him how to play,” Shuo laughed. “You are not that heartless.”
Wang sighed and closed his eyes. “No one likes being on the losing side of the board. I know how helplessness feels, how losing the board feels like.”
Shuo squeezed his hand tighter and frowned, yet he kept silent, letting Wang speak.
“I thought l had nothing left to lose, but I was wrong. You all gave me your strength, and most importantly… I had you.”
Shuo’s smile fell off his face. His expression turned dark. “Then why did you let Ya do that to you? You knew what would happen to you-”
“Don't start.” Wang said, closing his eyes and looking away. He wanted to pull his hand away but Shuo's grip was even stronger.
The whole room felt suffocating. Early quiet.
“Start what? You have been avoiding this conversation for a long time. I've been searching for you for so long. And I couldn't rest easy because of you. I prayed that you had found a way out, that you might have left a stone outside of the Tomb. You cut us all off when you switched with Sui. You left me too.”
“Don't. I had no choice. I lost Jie, I couldn't lose anyone else-” Wang lowered his head.
He remembered what Shuo said that day when they met so many centuries ago. That he would come with Wang no matter what. That he would lay down his life if Wang wanted him to…
But do you really know what you're doing? Chongyue drove the knife deeper in his heart then.
The answer is, he didn't know. But he was certain that he would succeed. The guilt of failing to rely on Shuo ate him alive, but it was the only way.
“Nian and Xi would have found a solution, they just needed more time. If you had joined them, if you had helped them, maybe you would have a different solution to defeat Sui.”
“It wouldn't have worked. This was the only way, I saw what would have happened if It awoke-”
“That was only an illusion meant to break you. And it failed.” Chongyue said. He slowly pulled Wang's head closer to his own and leaned their foreheads together. “We wouldn't have fallen that easily.”
Wang sighed. “Shuo, you don't know that. That is only a speculation. You didn't see what I saw-”
Ling's dream failed, it cracked. Chongyue led the army against the awakened Sui. He was alone… watching helplessly as Sui raged on, extinguishing lives of thousands. They couldn't protect anyone. He had failed everyone. And then Wang woke up from that dream and caught the false divinity, breaking the dream apart. Yet the terror of it remained deep inside his bones.
“It had to be done,” Wang said, moving away. “And if this is the price I pay for your safety, so be it.”
Chongyue’s tail raised in agitation. He really couldn't listen anymore. Listen to Wang's excuses, of his need to be hurt and punished for everything he had done.
“You know I gave up on that name, yet you still call me that, Wang’er. You were always like that. You cannot let go of the past,” he spoke softly. “You only hurt yourself, Wang. You need to learn to let it go. During my life as a mortal, I realized something. We can choose to carry the pain within ourselves for eternity, or let our wounds heal."
Wang said nothing.
"That’s what Jie wanted too. Despite everything, she wanted you to live.” He finished.
The cat finally caught Wang's tail and climbed on it, finally laying down to rest. Wang stayed silent. He remembered the little Geist they took from the garden. It took him a while to visit her. To ask for her forgivness. But something kept distracting him, a certain noise he could not stop, but the other one could. He looked at Shuo’s tail that kept moving left and right. Honestly, he was getting pretty much annoyed by the swishing sound it made.
“Stop that, Shu… Chongyue.”
“Stop what exactly,” Chongyue said, with a confused look on his face.
“This,” Wang said, and used both of his hands to wrap around the limb. “You are a pest, you know? First you are concerned, then you lecture me, and now you annoy me with your tail.” He scowled. “At least play Weiqi with me instead of being like that.” Wang stared at Chongyue’s face. “And wipe that smile off your face.”
“I have a better way to entertain you though,” Chongyue started, but Wang shot him a deadly glare. Wang squeezed the scaled tail harder. Chongyue raised both of his hands in surrender. “Not that. You are still not recovered, Wang’er.”
“Then what, Chongyue?” Wang said tiredly. “What did you have in mind?”
Chongyue grinned. “Rhodes Island operators are throwing you a welcome party. You've been here for a few months, it’s only right for you to have one.”
Wang’s face darkened.
“Come on, Yu almost died preparing all that food. He made everything you like to eat anyway.”
Wang raised his eyebrows at Chongyue. He knew that he could not refuse Yu, not after the talk in the temple.
“It will be fun!” Chongyue said cheerfully. “If you need help walking, I can just carry you instead, it won’t be the first time anyway~”
“Be silent.”
“Never,” Chongyue grinned and stood up, then leaned over Wang, looking at him from above. “You like when I am annoying.”
“Insolent.”
“Don’t be rude, Wang,” he returned.
“You said you knew me. Were you lying?” Wang said gently, throwing a really small smile at Chongyue.
“Absolutely not.” Chongyue put a hand on his head and scratched it slowly. Wang still said nothing. He accepted it, as he knew that Chongyue was right. The cat on his tail yawned then jumped down, clawing at the door. Little rascal wanted out. Wang sighed and covered his face with his hand.
“I would rather die than let anyone see you carrying me there.” He said, giving the other hand to Chongyue.
Chongyue gleefully took the hand into his own, smiling.
“What do you think you are doing?” Wang hissed. Chongyue’s confused face almost made him smile. But he only wanted one thing and one thing only.
Chongyue quickly took his hand back. “What, what is it? Are you in pain again?”
Wang shook his head and pointed behind him. “Carry it.”
Chongyue’s smile faded in a second when he realized that Wang was pointing at his Weiqi board. He sheepishly turned around and smiled awkwardly. “You want to play Weiqi on your welcome party?”
Wang looked at him like he was a caterpillar beneath his feet. Seriously, what did Shuo think that he would do in a room filled with people aside from eating a few bites in order to not offend Yu… Dance? The thought disgusted him.
“Where else am I going to find a worthy enemy? Aside from Zuo Le and Doctor, I need more.”
“You mean opponents, not enemies.” Chongyue said, rising up to pick up the board. “Can your other hand at least let go of my tail?” He looked back at Wang’s other hand keeping a firm hold on his scaled tail. Chongyue liked it for sure, but Wang loved to tease.
“What, you can’t reach it?”
“I can, but I don’t want you to fall from bed while I do so.”
Wang let out a laugh. Small and short, but he knew Chongyue heard it, because his head snapped back like lightning.
“Do that again, Wang’er.”
“No,” he rejected firmly.
“Please.”
“No. Your eyes are not gonna help your cause. Stop acting like you are a puppy waiting for a treat.” Wang said, in flat tone.
“As you wish. I’ll do what I can.” Chongyue said smugly.
“Of course you can, otherwise you wouldn’t be the eldest.”
Chongyue went back to his bed, unlocked the wheel lock and grinned. “Do you like spinning?”
“What?” Wang said, alarmed.
The other grinned, took a hold of his bed frame and spun them in the direction of the board. Because Wang’s room was huge, Chongyue made a full rotation, put the bed almost near the board and took it.
“You are insufferable,” Wang said, feeling a bit dizzy.
“I’ll make it up for you tonight.” He laughed, holding the board with his hand. “You can also have my shoulder if you need support.” He flexed his muscle.
Wang raised eyebrows, slowly got up, kissed him, and then walked out through the door like nothing happened.
Chongyue stood there in a daze and smiled like a fool that he is. He probably realized far too late that he was gone.
“Wait… Wait for me!” Chongyue said, running after him through the door. He had a party, and he couldn’t let the people wait on him.
But then he remembered that he would have to talk to people and his mood soured. Why did I agree to this… He thought, then looked at Chongyue grinning next to him and talking about who will attend and what they had in mind: how Shu and Nian made another movie together, that Ji was still banned from selling stuff to operators because of his deal with Shu, that Xi painted the room with her arts so that Wang would feel like home. Yi would probably still advertise his garden, and Fang would be absent once again. He had no doubt that Jun would be playing music and that Ling would drown in alcohol like always.
Well then, it was time to open the door. He stood in front of it and slowly inhaled and exhaled. This is going to be a long day.
They opened the door together.
“Welcome home, operator Wang!”