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He's Fun-Sized

Summary:

Noctis is not that short.

Spoiler Alert: He is.

Notes:

Like staring at the gear screen in-game, it's stupidly obvi how short Noctis is which is great.

Concerning I'm only 5'2 and short jokes are like the bane of my existence let's make a fic out of it.

I own a ridiculous amount of head-cannons for these nerds. I do not own Final Fantasy.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Gladio is the first one to bring it up.

Noctis was fishing with his back to the rest of them and Gladio had been staring at him for an inordinate amount of time.

“How tall are you Noct?”

Noctis glances over his shoulder. “I dunno. Why does it matter?” He replies dryly.

Shaking his head, Gladio walks over to him and jostles his shoulder, pulling him against his chest and causing Noct to drop his fishing rod. Forcing the slouchy prince to stand up straight, Gladio takes a gauge of the prince’s height. And then he barks out a laugh.

“Etro Noctis, you don’t even come up to my shoulder! You’re damn small.” He chortles.

Waving his arms with all the grace afforded to one of the Lucis line, Noctis extracted himself from his retainer’s grasp. “Not all of us can be brick walls with legs, Gladio.” He hissed back indignantly.

But Gladio wasn’t ready to spare his highness just yet. “Iggy! Get over here!”

“On my way,” Ignis replied from the bank where he was collecting herbs, striding onto the dock with a bundle of leaves in his gloved hand to join them.

“Stand next to Noct for a sec,” Gladio asked, shuffling the two so that they were shoulder to shoulder.

“Well?” Noctis huffed.

Gladio grinned like a man who didn’t mean the words he was about to speak. “Congratulations,” he began. “You made it up to Iggy’s shoulder this time! How tall are ya, Ig?”

“Six-foot one-inch.” Ignis informed them primly as he pushed his glasses back up his nose with a bemused smile.

“There’s no way you’re taller than five-seven, Noctis.” Gladio congratulated him with a slap to the back. “You’re officially the smallest one in the group.”

Noctis scowled at that with the flames of a dozen kings behind it. Crossing his arms, he gestured towards the last member of their group. “I’m taller than Prompto. We took gym together, and I was a full inch taller than him.”

“Huh?” Prompto, who had been tapping away on his phone playing King’s Knight and deaf to the conversation, spoke up at the mention of his name.

Gladio cluckled. “His tiny highness claims to be taller than you. Care to test that out?”

“I’m five-eight dude. But, hey, I’m game.” With a grin and a shrug, Prompto slipped his phone into his pocket and joined them on the end of the pier.

“Looks like it’s going to be close.” Ignis mused from the side as Gladio got the two boys to stand back to back.

Noctis held his breath in the long pause of silence that followed, feeling how Prompto’s body lined up almost perfectly with his own. He definitely remembered being taller two years ago.

“And…” Gladio drew out the word. “Prompto’s taller.”

“Yeah!” He exclaimed as he leapt into the air, pumping a triumphant fist and going for a high five from Gladio as Noctis cursed and stumbled away from his cheering friend.

In the process, his boot knocked into the forgotten fishing pole, dragging his gaze to the ground. Prompto’s jumping legs came into view and his eyes widened.

“Prom’s wearing heels. That not fair.” He pointed to his friend’s shoes. “Take ‘em off and remeasure.”

“You’re just reaching now.” Gladio chuckled at him, but Noctis remained resolute.

“Remeasure us.” He demanded.

“It’s fine.” Prompto laughed good naturedly as he pulled his shoes off and reassumed the former position back to back with Noctis.

They waited a moment in silence as Gladio checked their heights once again.

“Prom’s still taller.”

“Ughhhh!” Noctis growled as he threw himself away from his laughing entourage and ripped a hand through his hair.

“This is what happens, your highness, when you don’t eat your vegetables.” Ignis added unhelpfully in between his quiet chuckles as Gladio outright guffawed at him and Prompto tugged his shoes back on with a bright grin.

“He’ll go down in history as The Height-Challenged! King Noctis Lucis Caelum The Height-Challenged.” Gladio cackled.

“Stories will be told for generations of his imposing figure! How he struck fear into the empire with his ferocious attacks on their shins!” Prompto crowed alongside him.

His pride thoroughly wounded, Noctis could only glare at them all.

“You still might grow a bit more, Noctis. You always were a late bloomer after all.” Ignis smiled.

Shooting a particularly filthy look in his direction, Noctis’ pride felt a sudden chance at redemption.

Glaring, he announced, “I bet my shoe size is bigger than Prompto’s.”

Notes:

Thanks for reading~ (/*@*)/