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Every morning was a routine for him; he would wake up with the sun, turn on the coffee machine and go take a warm, quick shower. He would then put either his perfectly ironed uniform on if he had to go to headquarters, or simple clothing on a rare-free day; just like that morning. He’d go to the kitchen again for his freshly brewed coffee and he would make himself something healthy for breakfast and eat it while reading the newspaper.
James Rhodes wasn't a news fan. It was too much drama and easy sway into believing anything the reporter was payed to say. Written words were better for him, easier to read between lines. He learned that a long time ago.
For him it wasn’t unusual to see Tony’s face doing crazy things in the front page of numerous magazines or newspapers first thing in the morning. It was expected even, normal; especially considering his involvement with Stark Industries, the World’s Mightiest Heroes and all that flashy stuff and scandals Tony seemed to attract so much.
When Rhodey first met Tony, he was pretty much scandalized about the flow of published words that described in detail a particularly shocking photo, but as he got to actually know him more and he started to actually be present when all the craziness took place, the Colonel understood easily enough that even a well written press either lied, or at least exaggerated what actually took place in such a way that, even after all those years, it didn’t cease to amaze him.
That was probably why when he saw the headline on the first page of a neatly folded Daily Bugle, he thought nothing but an easy “I wish!” about it.
Captain America’s fling with Iron Man finally has its expected dreadful end!
"Captain America, icon to us all and leader of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, finally turned down billionaire Tony Stark for a yet unidentified waitress! Does the genius know of this?"
The natural response for reading something as ridiculous as that – much to Rhodey’s chagrin – was to chuckle at the paper’s imagination and mock the journalist's professionalism. That was, of course, until he fully unfolded the newspaper and found a very clear, very undeniable picture of Steve Rogers kissing a pretty hot blonde woman, whose identity wasn’t clear from the way Rogers’ face blocked her from view; she had her hands around the icon’s neck and the super soldier’s were on her shoulders in a hold that could only be describe as gentle, as if his hands were caught in motion as they intended to surround her with his arms.
Being things as they were, Rhodey spit his mouthful of coffee all over his bacon.
It wasn’t long before murderous thoughts crawled from a dark corner of his imagination to the surface of his mind as he analized the photograph again. Flawless plans of retribution were playing in vivid motion in his head.
When it came to Tony, he wasn’t the perfect soldier everyone expected him to be. Tony, Pepper and Happy were all he had left outside of his military friends and he was willing to leave behind stoic professionalism and welcome raw emotion if it meant Tony would be safe and sound in consequence; even if that emotion often entitled him to knock some sense in the genius’ hard skull.
His dislike for Rogers, though, didn’t automatically make him a cheating rat, and Tony would be annoying as hell – yes, more annoying – if War Machine showed up and killed his boyfriend because of mediocre paparazzi work. He took a deep breath and chuckled at the article again. The probability of it being true and he not knowing it by now was really slim. If it weren’t Tony calling him – which admittedly wasn’t all that common – then it would be Pepper letting him know of his role in the national icon’s demise while she was effectively tying up the last loose ends on the Judgment Day that would be about to fall upon Rogers.
That woman can be scary as all hell when she wanted to be.
Since there were no howling of the damned in the horizon or fire alarms all over New York, Rhodey came to the conclusion that the article represented the paparazzi being desperate for something to write since the last alien invasion or great robbery that would sell. Rhodey could feel a big lawsuit coming their way on behalf of a very pissed off Tony Stark.
The morning routine came back to its normal path and Rhodes effortlessly resumed it; he finished his coffee-tainted breakfast and proceeded to go watch TV, being particularly careful to avoid the news because even he had to admit that Rogers didn’t deserve the fake gossip. They were probably even insisting that Tony cheated first or something stupid like that.
It was turning out to be a beautiful, tranquil day in his luxurious bachelor’s flat when his doorbell rang.
With a grunt, he silently wondered who could it be at nine o’clock in the morning and was shocked to find no other than Tony Stark on the other side of the door.
“Tony!” he said surprised while making room for his best friend to get into the apartment. Before he could ask, the dark haired genius stomped his way in while rambling like a champ.
“Before you ask why I’m here: I just don’t want to stay in the Tower right now and I can’t go back to the Malibu mansion because I have an important and boring meeting this morning and Pepper would fucking skin me alive if I don’t show up in time.” Rhodey was about to comment on the billionaire’s babbling when Tony asked, “Do you have coffee?” and without waiting for an answer, he went into the kitchen in search for his equivalent of a Holly Grail.
Without much of an option, the Colonel followed his friend and refilled his cup with the last of the beverage when Tony finally relented his hold on the pot with a clear sign that he expected more coffee to appear within the promptly future.
Far from giving up at the face of Tony’s antics, Rhodes sighed and reached in the cupboard where he kept the coffee beans and started to brew some more, but he still tried to get a conversation that actually made sense.
“You look like a hobo.” He stated taking in the genius appearance. Tony was wearing dark pants along with a seemingly old undershirt that showed under his black, fancy and undone button up that wasn't at all flattering to his appearance considering it was missing a sleeve. He was dirty, smelly and looked out of place sitting in his spotless kitchen table. “Or a mental creature, take your pick.”
When Tony didn’t answer with any sarcastic come back and just pulled his cup of coffee closer to him instead, Rhodey frowned. “What happened?” he said in a voice that was more of a command than a question. He took a sip of his old coffee and took a sit directly in front of his friend so that the stubborn man would have to look at him at some point.
Suddenly, Tony looked angry.
“You know what happened;” he scoffed looking at his eyes with an expression that Rhodey couldn’t define, “You always read the paper first thing in the morning.”
Rhodey stopped all movement.
It couldn’t be.
“Are we talking about the article that says that your… Steve” he finished lamely “is cheating on you with what the media seems to think is a waitress?”
“No, Rhodey, we are talking about the sport section where my cricket team lost big time against the weather.” Tony replied with a tone that screamed sarcasm. “Yes! We are fucking talking about that article!”
Even if everything screamed to Rhodey to go and hunt something blue, white and red, his rational part of mind understood that he was the voice of reason between the two of them in that moment.
“Tony, you know better than to believe in the paparazzi.”
“Of course I know that, for fuck’s sake! I’ve been dealing with them since the moment of my conception!” Tony yelled, slamming a hand against the table. “That’s why I’m wondering WHY! Why is the only thing those bastards had ever gotten one hundred percent right has to be THIS!”
Maybe it could be.
“Are you telling me that Steve cheated on you?” Rhodey asked disbelievingly.
“Well, at least you put the emphasis in “cheated” and not in the “Steve” and the “you” part,” Tony observed forlornly, looking away from Rhodey now. “Clint is an ass.” He finished as if that explained his comment. And maybe it did.
“Tony,” Rhodey called for him to further explain. When the genius didn’t seem about to open his mouth or at least look at him anymore, Rhodey decided to push it, "Tony”, he insisted with more force.
“I was there when it happened, okay?!” Tony exploded jumping to stand and making the chair fall backwards with a loud crash. “I was fucking there when they were kissing!”
“You were there?!” Rhodey asked outraged. All the implications that could be read from Tony's announcement suddenly made the situation as clear as water. Rhodey was then inspired; every dark thought he had had when he’d first seen the picture that morning reemerged, only this time the scenes were tainted with a lot more red than the original. Unless this whole thing was some miraculous misunderstanding, he was going to make Spangles pay, “You saw him kissing some other person with your own eyes? With you in the same room?!” Screw that, he was calling Happy and Pepper.
“He didn’t know I was there, okay?” Tony clarified, but surely Rhodey was hallucinating because there was no way that Tony’s tone was a tad defensive. Of his cheating boyfriend. He surely wasn't.
Suddenly, Tony was collapsing on the chair next to his and letting his head fall miserably on the table, “I don’t know what to do, Rhodey. I don’t want to face him until I’m sure I’m in my right fucking mind, you know?” Rhodey opened his mouth to protest, but Tony beat him to it again. “No, screw that! I don’t want to face him at all. Ever.”
For Tony, that was as close to an “I don’t want to see his cheating ass ever again!” that he would ever say regarding Steve, so naturally, Rhodey wanted to punch his sorry ass for his subtlety and mercy, only after shaking him until he came to his senses, of course.
“Tony, he’s cheating on you,” he said it as if Tony was missing that single little detail. “You will never be in your ‘right fucking mind’ if you don’t think that the obvious solution is to send him to hell and make him stay there.” when Tony looked as if his wording confused him, he explained with all the annoyance he could muster “Break up with him!”
“Hey, don’t be like that,” Tony tried to say it casually, but Rhodes swore he heard a tremor in his voice.
Steven Rogers, you’re as good as dead.
“Tony, he is cheating on you!” he repeated as if Tony was so stupid that he couldn’t grasp the concept.
“Well, yeah, it surely seems that way,” Tony nodded towards the newspaper that Rhodey forgot over the microwave.
"Please don't say 'but'." Rhodey begged, knowing by the deffensive tone in his friend's voice how useless it would be.
“But I really don’t think that Steve is capable of cheating, much less willing to cheat on me. Maybe she forced him?” he asked lamely.
“Listen to yourself, man!” Rhodey said with exasperation, throwing his hands to the air to emphasize. “The man is a super soldier, for fuck’s sake!” he paused to calm his nerves a little before continuing, “Tones, you’re either being cheated on or you’re not. You can’t be both, so what exactly happened?”
“Okay, okay, calm down, keep your panties up, I'll explain: we had a date, at that fucking restaurant,” he said pointing at the now shriveled newspaper as if it offended him, “I was working late, so I told him I’d see him there. Regardless of my best efforts I was 30 minutes late, but considering my record, he probably was expecting it; I was giving my keys to the Valet Parking and when I looked over for our usual table – in the corner and next to the window –, he was there, kissing that… woman. She had her arms around his neck and he had his hands over her hips. I freaked out. I snatched my keys back from the poor boy and decided to drive all night so my head could believe my eyes or whatever.” Then he looked over himself as if appraising his attire for the first time, "The shirt will have to be a story between drinks. Strong drinks." He finished with a fake smirk. “Then I came here and the rest is history.”
Rhodey left a tense silence settle in the kitchen with the only intention of giving Tony enough time for his mind to catch up with his heart. Or maybe it was the other way around with the genius. Ten seconds later, the colonel thought it was adequate to continue.
“Tony, I don’t want to sound crude–”
“But you’re going to be crude–”
“You shouldn’t be even thinking about dumping his sorry ass–”
“Excuse you! He has a really fine ass–”
“Which I didn’t need to know–”
“You already knew; even a blind old lady knows that–”
“And which is so not my point–”
“Then what’s your point? You’re not making any sense–”
“I give up!” Rhodey said dramatically – something he learned from all the time of being friends with Tony –, making a show of going to fetch his phone, “I’m calling Pepper.”
“No! You can’t do that!” Tony threw himself over the Colonel in a desperate attempt to stop him, making them struggle on the floor for all of ten seconds before Rhodey came on top and held him down. After more struggling and Tony cursing Rhodey for pinning a 'goddamened superhero' to the ground and how Natasha was apparently being soft with him, and he finally stopped fighting the colonel's hold. “Rhodey, you bastard, do you want Steve dead or something?!”
“Yes, preferably by my hand.” Rhodey said dead serious. The honesty in his tone made Tony make a double take and drop his jaw a little in shock.
He, however, recovered fast, “Aw, look at that! You care, honeybear!” Tony teased with a smirk on his face, obviously trying to make light of the situation.
Rhodey ignored him in order to snatch the phone once again. He stood up using Tony's body as support and began to dial the apparently forbidden numbers, completely unwilling to be distracted from his goal. He decided to continue talking as if hadn't been interrupted. “Besides, I’m not willing to do the back and forth jabber you do with her; it’s annoying as hell. So shut your trap until she answers me.”
“No, wait! I mean: Yes, you’re right, I give up! I’m willing to admit that you're right and that I annoy people, so please put the phone down.”
Well, that was as close to an apology as he was going to get and there was a “please” there somewhere, so Rhodes complied.
“Fine, but you can’t ignore this, Tony.” He relented, putting back the phone to its place. The finality in the Colonel’s voice, however, was enough for Tony to actually consider his words in a contemplative silence.
“I don’t want to dump him, Rhodey.” Tony admitted quite lamely still from his defeated position on the ground. He was probably feeling so down that being on the floor gave him some kind of mental comfort. Or so Rhodey thought because his friend seemed unwilling to stand up, as if he lacked the energy or the will to do it. “I don’t want to give our relationship some time. I don’t want to freaking break up with him.”
Rhodey took pity on him and sat crossed legged beside him.
“Hey,” the military man called giving him a friendly punch on the shoulder. He was careful to say it with as much of sympathy that he could muster. As much as Rhodey didn’t think Rogers was the perfect match for Tony, he didn’t want his friend to be miserable. “I know you don’t want to, Tones, I really do…”
“But?”
“But you deserve better than that.” Rhodes was tempted to follow his sentence with a complete catalogue of despiteful adjectives that could describe the icon, but he knew it wasn’t the way to get through to Tony, the genius was loyal; the more he insulted fucking Rogers (he could insult him in his head), the more Tony would stand up for him. He was weird like that.
“You can’t be serious,” Tony disagreed while slowly shacking his head. “Steve’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Tony, no matter how awful your self-esteem issues are,” Rhodey said reproachful, “a cheater is not the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“Hey, I don’t even know for sure if he was cheating on me–”
“You saw him yourself!”
“Well, maybe it wasn’t him!”
“It’s all over the news! There are pictures! Plural!”
“They could be a paparazzi stunt, you know how they–”
“Tony, stop changing the story-”
“I’m not changing anything, I’m just–!”
“You are, and you are in horrible denial.”
“Am not! I’m just saying that maybe this whole thing is a misunder–”
“Should I repeat the fact that you saw them yourself?!”
“Well, maybe I saw wrong!”
“Gah!” Rhodey yelled in exasperation, “Stop! I told you I wasn’t doing your thing with Pepper.”
“And you were doing so well,” Tony said with mock hurt. “Besides, it doesn’t matter, Rhodey, I’ll probably end up forgiving him even if he did kiss that woman.”
“Tony, are you even listening to yourself?” Rhodey asked disbelievingly along with a dry laugh, “I’m asking because you don’t seem to believe your own eyes, so maybe you don’t understand what comes out of your mouth.”
“Rhodey, I’m not exactly fucking perfect; I can’t expect Steve to be perfect either.” Tony replied as if that explained everything, but there was something there, in his voice, when he said it. Rhodey couldn't figure out what it was.
“Well, if you were going to forgive him anyway, why didn’t you go straight home to him?” Rhodey asked him as if in a last attempt to make Tony reflect on the subject.
“I just needed to clear my mind,” Tony answered with newfound confidence, “I thought it would be good to run things by you for once, since you’re the last one to get the heads up on things.”
“You wish,” Rhodey scuffed and a real smile turned his lips. He knew that Tony meant that he came to Rhodes’ because he needed his best friend in order to make a decision. It was a shame that the decision included Steven fucking Rogers to be forgiven, but Rhodey was Tony’s best friend because he knew to respect the genius’ decisions, even if he didn’t like them. “Pepper get’s to know everything the moment it happens god-knows-how and she tells me, so I’m second to know everything; I probably know things that haven’t even happened before you do, man.”
“Yes, she is scary like that…” Tony agreed with a shudder, “So let me add to what you just said that the fact that she includes you in her schemes of world domination is so unfair in so many ways.”
That provoked another laugh from Rhodey, the same one that died as soon as he saw that Tony was still on the depressed side despite his efforts to hide it.
“You do know that I only want what’s best for you, right?” Rhodey held his serious expression while asking this; he didn’t want to give Tony the chance to minimize his words with mocking or sarcasm. Not with this.
A small silence took place as Tony seemed to search for something in Rhodey’s eyes. When he appeared to be satisfied, he let go a long suffering sigh.
“When you’re right, you’re fucking right, I’ll give you that;” he commented while shaking his head in surrender. “I should talk to Steve about it.”
“You sure?” Rhodey asked but he made sure that Tony couln't possibly interpret it as anything but agreement, or worse, give him a window to any kind of backing down.
“Yeah…” the genius confirmed somberly, “he’s tried to call me like fifty times already. Maybe I should give up and call him back.”
“Maybe you should take a bath before your meeting,” Rhodey suggested with a mock sniff at Tony’s disarrayed figure. His friend response was to push him away and give him the finger, only provoking Rhodes to laugh at his antics.
“What do you care how I smell, you jerk?” Tony asked as if offended, “it’s not like I sleep with you or anything.”
"Not for lack of your begging, of course." Rhodey threw back without any force. With Tony as he was, it wouldn't be fair to push some battering. “Perhaps the water would help you cool your head before your phone call, man.” He suggested when the genius seemed to be about to answear back. Maybe a shower and a miracle after, and Tony would get his head out of his ass long enough to notice that Rogers could act like a real jerk, too. “Besides, Pepper will kill you if you show up smelling like that.”
Tony seemed to take his words into consideration because a few seconds later, he sighed and murmured “Yeah, you’re right.” then he went straight to Rhodey’s bathroom without even sparing a glance at the guest’s room.
Rhodes didn’t even try to nag him. At least it meant he was feeling a little better.
The Lieutenant Colonel tried to resume his reading of the newspaper when not even three minutes later, there was a quick knock at the door.
It didn’t take a genius to know who it was, but it took a lot of Rhodes’ will and control not to simply grab one of perfectly hidden guns in the apartment and start shooting through the door. He was pretty sure he had a sniper rifle under his bed.
He went to the door and yanked it open, although just enough so that his body stood between the man on the other side and his living room.
“He’s not here. Fuck off.” He said simply, summoning the most deadly glare he could twist his face into.
“Rhodes, I know he’s here” The blond contradicted while putting his hands up as if saying he didn’t intend to fight the colonel. “This is important. I just need a few minutes to talk to him.”
“Are you implying that you only need a few minutes to manipulate him?” Rhodey asked. If he were a dragon, he would be spiting acid with his words, “You’re the fucking worst, Rogers. He’s not here, so fuck off.” He tried to slam the door in his face, but the cheating bastard’s reflexes still were of a super-soldier and kept the door open.
“It’s not like that!”
“It never is with unfaithful scum, Captain,”
“No! You don’t get to call me that when you know nothing!”
“Again with the same argument. I know enough, so fuck the hell off before I for my gun, Rogers.”
“It’s not what it looked like! She jumped me and I was shocked to react in time!”
“Don’t be absurd; you could’ve easily pushed her away before the whole world took a picture of your little display. I think you can handle a fucking girl in the strength field, super soldier.”
“She’s a dame! How could you even suggest I–!”
“Keep your cheating mouth shut, Rogers, you’re making a scandal.” The colonel demanded. If Tony heard and confronted Rogers before he was calm and ready, it could only end bad. However, the second the words left his mouth, Rhodey knew he had fucked up. His insisting that Tony wasn't there just made itself an obvious lie for the simple detail that he owned the whole floor and no one would really be able to hear them even if they were screaming bloody murder and going for the guns.
“He is here." Steve accused with crossed arms. But even if he ducked his head a little, Rhodey could hear the whispered "Thank god” that left his lips.
The gall of the fucking guy. He even sounded honestly relieved that he'd found Tony. James now was truly regreting not having gone for the gun. Even a knife would have sufficed. Damn his self-control.
“You did enough, Rogers, go look for him elsewhere.”
“How stupid do you think I am?” The super soldier asked annoyed, uncrossing his arms to curl his fingers into fists. "I know he is here, Rhodes."
“You wouldn’t like that answer, now would you?” Rhodes mocked, unfaced by the angered superhero. "And it's Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes for you."
“Step aside, Rhodes, this isn’t about you and me.” Steve demanded with the obvious intention of moving Rhodes physically if necesary.
“You already let yourself into my floor. If you put one foot in my house, however, I’ll charge you for breaking and entering.” Rhodey threatened without giving up a single step. “That would be before I put a bullet in your head.”
“You wouldn’t,” Rogers said completely sure of himself. Rhodey was now more than ready to forget his gun and go for the sniper rifle just to prove how wrong the captain was. “Tony wouldn’t let you.” he added.
“Don’t presume that I need his permission to do anything, Captain.” Rhodes seethed, taking a step out into the hall to get face to face with the super soldier. “Besides, I don’t think he would even vouch for you; he’s pretty upset.”
“The more reason why I should talk to him.” Steve insisted, "please." he added as if that solved anything.
"Sorry, Rogers, go back to the tower and -"
Rogers, the sneaky bastard, seemed to have waited his opportunity to enter the apartment without engaging with physical contact with Rhodes. So when Rhodey moved back to grab the door, he gave the supersoldier the opportunity to side step him so he could enter his home with the same grace as he would dodge a supervillain attack. As unflattering as that thought may be.
Before Rhodey could even get a grasp of what was happening, he heard his room’s door lock being put in place and bearly heard his bathroom’s door being opened a second later. It even took him a minute to understand how Rogers knew in what room to look in, but it was a stupid question considering the super soldier's enhanced hearing and the probably-loud-for-him shower running.
“Fuck.” He cursed and shut the front door quietly as he re-entered the apartment. He knew since he first spoke to the soldier that he was determined to speak to Tony came hell or high water and it was just a matter of time before he got to do it, or at least a location in the off chance that Tony really wasn’t here. Still, misunderstanding or not, it was Rhodes’ job as a friend to give him the hardest time he could manage.
He went to the kitchen to grab the key for his room and opened it as quietly as he could. Thankfully the guy did close the bathroom’s door so he didn't have to be especially sneaky.
He went straight for his sniper rifle under his bed while he tried to listen to the two arguing. Apparently he missed the beginning of the conversation, since when he finally managed to understand the words behind the wall, the discussion seemed to have skipped a portion.
“You know that the issue is not that I don’t fucking trust you, Steve-”
“You obviously don’t! I had to sidestep your bodyguard in order to get to talk to you, Tony!”
“Hey, don’t call him that; he means well.”
Rhodes was actually surprised by the defense. It wasn’t every day that Tony Stark, eccentric billionaire, made an obvious show of affection with people being witness of it. Maybe it was because it was Rogers and Tony was such a softie that he didn't even stop trusting him. Damn.
“I know he does, Tony, but what did you tell him? That I cheated on you?!”
“I told him the truth, Rogers;” Tony was using the tone of voice that was clear for anyone that knew him that he was upset, “that I saw you kissing another woman before I arrived to our date. What was I supposed to believe? That she was giving you CPR?!”
“Tony, for the last time, I swear to God! I was shocked and didn’t know how to pull back without physically hurting her.”
"Yeah, whatever. It's not like this was going to last or anything."
Did Rhodey heard what he thought he heard? Oh for everything divine, was Tony actually about break up with Rogers?
"What are you trying to say?"
"What I'm trying to say, is that I thought I could do it. I really thought I could, Steve, but I don't think I have it in me to be able to keep waiting for the moment when I have to watch you walk away with your American dream, anymore."
"Tony, we can't have this argument over and over again."
"I agree, that's why I need you to lea–"
"I'm not leaving and we are not breaking up either."
"Oh, yeah? And how does that works, Rogers? You may be the perfect golden boy, so I'm sorry to tell you this, but a relationship consist in two people, no matter how perfect one of them is, and just how imperfect the other half of that equation is, you can't just decide to–"
"You know I hate it when you say stuff like that. Please stop, you are upset because you think one day I'll leave you for some girl." Rogers said. Even for Rhodey's ears, it sounded as if the mere thought was ridiculous for the blond. "I understand how you feel because that's exactly how I feel every time I watch you flirting with anyone, as you often do, let me add."
"You are not jealous of a–"
"Yes I am, I am jealous. But that's not important here. What is important is that I owe you an appology. Tony, I can't even begin to say how sorry I am that you saw what you did, but I know you're sure that it meant nothing to me."
"How can you be so sure of what I–"
"Because I trust you the same as you trust me. Because I know you and I know all this drama –yes, shut it, what we are doing here is a drama– it's just another excuse for you to bail on us because you don't want to end up getting hurt."
"Steve, I just don't think that–"
“I won't ever hurt you purposely. You are worth it, Tony, no matter what you say to yourself every time you look in the mirror, you are and always will be worth it to me. We, together, are going to get past through this, even if I understand if you are still mad at me. I swear I’m sorry and that it won't happen again. Dame or no dame.”
Even Rhodes had to stop looking for his specially developed and manufactured match-grade military ammunition 1 at the pregnant silence that followed Rogers' appology. He held his breath until Tony finally responded.
“How can you just–?!”
“Love you this much?”
“Be such a sap! A fucking perfect, huge, muscley, ridiculous, sap?”
“I live with you; all of the above is necessary.”
“Hey!”
“Does this mean I can kiss you?”
Oh, gross, Rhodes refused to listen to that. His role as the perfect best friend had been fulfilled; Steve Rogers’ honesty once again beats the colonel’s general dislike of him, and Tony is happily making out with him in his shower.
When did his life become this parody of life? An awful sitcom?
Probably the moment he met Tony fucking Stark, that’s when.
He wasn’t about to accept his fucked up destiny quietly just because of that, though. He was better than that.
“Rogers! Stark!” Rhodey heard a little crash and a curse courtesy of his best friend as a response and couldn’t help but to smile a little at the mental image of Tony hitting his head as retribution for giving the colonel the worst day off ever. “Don’t you fucking dare! Get the hell out of my house, before I start shooting through the door!”
“Hey, Rhodey, come on, cut me some slack here, man.” Tony’s muffled yell could be easily identified as persuasive. It wasn’t like James was anywhere near him to fall for that. Besides, he had heard it an infinity of times before and he was pretty much immune. “Just give us ten minutes and we’ll–”
“Through the door, Tony.” He summoned his most menacing words while emphasizing with the sound of a loading sniper rifle.
“You wouldn’t.” Tony said but Rhodey could hear the hesitance on his words.
“I would shoot Rogers.” He offered simply.
“He would.” The super soldier agreed.
“… Yes, he totally would. Okay, fine! We’ll go! Just give me a minute to change!”
Agreeing at least to that –not wanting to see Tony butt naked, thank you very much – he clicked the safety back on and went to the living room. It was an area of the apartment that the couple couldn’t detour in an attempt to scape unnoticed to go through the front door.
Rhodes sat calmly on the couch facing the exit. He put his sniper rifle on the coffee table and began to clean it almost adoringly with the kit he kept in the suitcase of the weapon. Tony had his suits, Rhodey had his guns.
It was exactly two minutes later when the two of them, one barely clothed and the other soaked wet, emerged from the colonel's room in a quick step, heading straight to the door.
Rhodes made a pointed cough in order to startle them so that they would have to turn around to face him. No walk of shame would be made in his apartment without Rhodey enjoying it. Even if Tony looked smug, Rogers appeared quite tense and mortified. Good.
"I hope you had a good time in my shower, Tony."
"I sure did, thanks for asking." the genius replied with a smirk firm on his face even if he seemed to have trouble getting his shirt on.
"Tony, I swear to god-!"
"No! I swear we didn't, honeybear! You stopped us right on time." Tony promised with those ridiculous pleading eyes he oftened used with Pepper when he wanted to get out of an important meeting. Judging Rogers' expression, he knew it well, too.
"Just get out so your cheating boyfriend stops getting all my apartment wet." Rhodey said dryly.
It seemed like Rogers was about to try to tackle him to the ground after the colonel's comment, but Tony, quick thinker he was, intervened hastily.
"Sorry about that man," he apologized to Rhodey to Rogers' dismay, "it won't happen again."
"It surely wont." Rhodey made sure that his eyes were looking directly to the super soldier as he said this. No question in his words. The colonel's threat matching the determination reflected in the blue eyes.
The tense moment passed when Rhodes decided to redirect his gaze to Tony again. "You better call me in the morning, or I'm calling Pepper."
The genius immediately put his hands up in mock surrender, "Please don't tell on me, dad! Mommy is scary! I'll be good!"
"Tony-"
"I will, I will!" he promised while turning his back and walking through the door, not before taking his boyfriend's hand and tugging. "Sorry about the mess, man."
In Tony-speak that meant: "Rhodey, I'm sorry to have bothered you with this crap, everything's fine now so you don't have to worry. You're great, never change." Maybe not the last part, but the colonel knew Tony appreciated him in his own weird way.
“Don’t forget your important meeting, Tones!” James shouted uselessly at Tony’s back.
"Rhodes." Rogers nodded in his direction, clearly still upset for his comment about his cheating.
"Rogers." he answered back, but instead of a nod, the colonel cocked his now loaded and shiny sniper rifle again.
Rogers glared at him with defiance while going after Tony who was shouting after him. The blond crossed the door and closed it behind him, finally interrupting their death-staring contest.
Rhodey sighed heavily for what felt like the millionth time that morning. At least he knew that all the trouble Tony'd caused would be paid big time with his suffering when the fury-of-Pepper fell upon the genius the moment she notices he wouldn't show up for the meeting.
Karma was a fair bitch.
Rhodey, deep inside his head, knew that Rogers wanted what was best for Tony, he really did, but mistakes were going to be made by both sides and Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes will be there to make sure that the super soldier was properly harassed each time so that he would never take Tony for granted.
Even if it was already painfully true.