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By the time Shoko finished explaining the dosage for the third time, Yuuta had already decided he was not leaving Toge alone for the night.
“He is going to be fine,” Shoko said, perhaps because she could see that decision happening on his face. “The painkillers are strong, so he will probably be out of it for a while. His impulse control might also be worse than usual, and that includes his control over cursed speech.”
Yuuta looked toward the bed.
Shoko had turned off the overhead lights, leaving only a single lamp burning on the side table, aimed at the wall to keep the light low, and it turned everything in the room a washed-out amber. Toge was bundled beneath two layers of blanket, silver hair pushed back from his face, the seal marks on his cheeks standing out dark against skin that was two shades paler than normal.
He was staring at Yuuta with enormous violet eyes.
Yuuta smiled at him. “Hey.”
Toge kept staring.
“His throat is mostly fine,” Shoko continued from behind Yuuta's shoulder. “He strained it earlier, but there is no serious damage. The problem is that he might say something without thinking about it, so I would rather have someone here who can take the hit if he accidentally uses his technique.”
“So if he says something normally,” Yuuta asked, “the technique might come through?”
“Not at full strength unless he really means it, but yes. Think of it as leakage. His cursed energy is already agitated from the injury, and the drugs are making his control sloppy.”
As if on cue, Toge spoke.
“Yuuta.”
His voice was a little rough but otherwise normal. Still, some cursed energy leaked through. It brushed across Yuuta’s skin like a physical wave, and his knees almost unlocked before he caught himself.
Shoko gave him a pointed look.
Yuuta exhaled slowly and drew a thin layer of cursed energy over his body. He did not need much. Toge was not trying to command him. The leaking technique had none of the crushing force Yuuta had felt from actual cursed speech before. The film of cursed energy blunted the weight regardless.
“There,” Shoko approved. “Keep that up.”
From the bed, Toge blinked at him. “Yuuta.”
Cursed energy leaked through again, though much fainter this time. The pressure felt more like a tug than an order.
“I’m here,” Yuuta said.
Toge’s brows creased because Yuuta had said I’m here while being a whole five feet away, which was apparently not close enough to count. So he lifted one hand from beneath the blanket and pointed directly at him.
Yuuta blinked. Shoko looked between them with her eyebrow raised.
Toge’s finger curled once towards himself. Come here.
Yuuta was halfway across the room before Shoko could say anything. She sighed.
Toge watched him approach with such intense concentration that Yuuta almost felt as though he were being physically reeled in by that crooked finger.
Yuuta stopped beside the bed. “What do you need?”
Toge caught the fabric of Yuuta’s sleeve and tugged.
Yuuta leaned closer. Toge tugged again.
“Closer?”
Toge nodded.
Yuuta bent until he was nearly level with the bed. Immediately, Toge leaned forward and rested his forehead against Yuuta’s arm.
Yuuta froze.
Shoko looked over.
Toge registered neither of their reactions. He only sighed, eyes drifting shut, and rubbed his forehead once against Yuuta’s sleeve.
“S’nice,” he mumbled into the fabric.
Yuuta’s heart did a series of acrobatics he hadn’t known it was capable of. “What is?”
Toge made a vague motion with the hand still curled into Yuuta’s sleeve. The motion encompassed nothing and everything. “Being with Yuuta.”
Shoko’s eyebrows shot all the way up to her forehead. Yuuta turned to look at her in silent panic.
She turned away, suddenly very interested in her clipboard.
“If anything happens, call me,” she said, already moving toward the door. “If he accidentally gives you a direct command, reinforce yourself before you answer him. You’re strong enough to take it, but there’s no point making your body fight him raw.”
Yuuta was not entirely tracking the words, most of his attention fixed on the very sleepy Toge against his arm.
“And Okkotsu?”
He looked over.
Shoko’s mouth curved. “Try not to encourage him.”
Yuuta glanced down at Toge’s fingers in his sleeve.
“I don’t know what that means.”
“I’m sure you don’t.”
Then she left.
The room was quiet.
Yuuta had pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down, keeping the thin layer of cursed energy wrapped around himself. He could feel Toge through it in pulses whenever Toge breathed out or winced from pain.
It was not unpleasant.
If anything, that was the problem.
Yuuta had never felt Toge’s cursed energy like this before. Toge was always careful to keep it tight and controlled. Tonight, it was looser at the edges, enough to spill into ordinary speech, and Yuuta had never noticed before how familiar it felt.
He knew Toge’s cursed energy almost as well as he knew his voice.
That realization did not help his crush at all.
“You should sleep,” Yuuta said.
Toge was still staring at him with unfocused violet eyes, pupils dilated. He didn’t realize Yuuta was talking to him until a few seconds later.
“No,” he said without thinking.
Cursed energy leaked through, and the word landed with a faint push. Yuuta’s film shimmered reflexively over his skin.
“That sounded suspiciously like a command,” he said, almost laughing.
Toge frowned. The expression was very serious but slightly delayed, making him look less intimidating and more adorably offended.
“Not.”
Another pulse followed, firmer this time. Yuuta felt the denial more clearly before the barrier absorbed it.
“You’re definitely leaking.”
Toge narrowed his eyes.
“Mean.”
That one hit harder. Yuuta’s shoulders jerked forward before he reinforced himself. Toge’s eyes widened a fraction, the offense draining out of his face as his expression crumpled into concern.
“Yuuta?”
“I’m fine.”
Toge didn’t look too convinced.
“I promise,” Yuuta insisted.
Toge considered this with a frown. Then, apparently reaching his own conclusion about the matter, he lifted one hand and pointed at Yuuta. The loose cursed energy around him snapped into focus.
“Stay.”
The command caught Yuuta around the ribs and pulled. His own cursed energy flared in answer, the thin barrier tightening around him before Toge’s technique could fully take hold.
It took Toge a moment to realize what had happened. His eyes widened, and his hand dropped.
“Sorry.”
Whatever force had filled his voice a moment ago was gone, leaving the apology small and miserable.
Yuuta’s voice softened on instinct. “You don’t have to apologize.”
Toge still looked miserable, so Yuuta leaned closer. “I was already staying.”
Toge looked up at him. “All night?”
Yuuta smiled. “All night.”
That seemed to settle something in him. Toge sank back against the pillow with a satisfied sigh.
For the next hour, Toge drifted in and out of sleep while Yuuta sat with a book open in his lap that he barely read. Every time Toge stirred, Yuuta looked up. Every time Toge made a sound, Yuuta checked whether he needed water. Outside, the campus had quieted, and the night wind had picked up, rustling the trees. The window vibrated occasionally when the wind hit it.
“Cold.”
Yuuta immediately stood and pulled the blanket higher around Toge as Toge watched him through heavy-lidded eyes.
“Better?”
Toge nodded, and Yuuta tucked the blanket more securely around his shoulders. Before he could pull away, Toge caught his wrist.
“Warm.”
A faint current followed the word, seeping through the thin barrier where Toge held his wrist. Yuuta could have shut it out completely. Instead, he let the barrier loosen just enough to feel the warmth bloom on his skin.
That was probably a terrible idea, yet he did it anyway.
Sometime after midnight, Toge woke again and looked around the room in visible confusion until his eyes found Yuuta.
“Do you want some water?”
Toge nodded.
Yuuta helped him sit up, one arm braced behind his shoulders. Toge leaned into the support without hesitation, warm and pliant with exhaustion, while Yuuta tried not to think too much about it.
Once Toge had finished the water, Yuuta reached for the small paper cup Shoko had left with his next dose.
“You’re due for these too.”
Toge eyed the pills with immediate distrust.
“Shoko-san said you have to.”
“Okaka.”
“I know.”
Yuuta held them out, and after a moment of sulking, Toge accepted both. He swallowed the pills, chased them with another sip, then slumped dramatically back into Yuuta’s supporting arm as though he had suffered a great injustice.
“See,” Yuuta bit back a smile. “That wasn’t so bad.”
Toge gave him a look that said otherwise and stayed tipped toward Yuuta, his temple resting against the arm Yuuta still had behind his shoulders instead of lying back down. For a while, he seemed content to just sit there and stare blankly at the opposite wall.
Then, out of nowhere, he said, “Maki’s nice.”
Yuuta took a second to catch up. “She is.”
“Panda.”
“Yeah.”
“Tuna tuna.”
“Yuuji?”
Toge dipped his chin.
Yuuta agreed. “Yuuji is nice too.”
“Megumi.”
“Him too.”
Toge seemed pleased that Yuuta understood the direction of the conversation. His fingers remained wrapped around Yuuta’s sleeve while he worked his way through nearly everyone they knew, offering slurred fragments of appreciation.
“Nobara’s pretty,” Toge mumbled.
“She is.”
“Strong.”
“Very.”
“Scary.”
Yuuta’s mouth curved. “Sometimes.”
“Maki scarier.”
“You should never tell her that.”
“Shake.” Of course not.
Yuuta laughed. He couldn't help it. Toge had always been funny, although most people missed half of it because his jokes came through rice-ball ingredients, gestures, and perfectly timed looks. Yuuta had gotten good at catching them a long time ago.
Toge lifted his head just enough to look at him, and then he was laughing too—a sheepish sound, far less restrained than what Yuuta was used to hearing.
Yuuta hadn’t realized cursed speech could bleed into laughter until now, probably because Toge so rarely laughed aloud. Cursed energy threaded through the sound, vibrating softly where their bodies touched. He had to keep reminding himself that he was supposed to be monitoring Toge, not memorizing the exact feeling of his cursed energy spilling loose and harmless around them.
Toge’s laughter gradually faded, and his fingers tightened around Yuuta’s sleeve.
“Yuuta’s nice too,” he said, his voice quiet and shy, unlike how he had said the others.
A blush spread across Yuuta’s face. “Thank you.”
“Very nice.”
“You’re very nice too.”
Toge shook his head.
“No. Yuuta—Yuuta’s very nice.” He paused, searching through his jumble of thoughts. “You bring water.”
Yuuta pressed his lips together because he could feel them trembling.
“Water. Medicine. Throat.” Toge started listing, fingers splaying out one by one. “Carry bag. Wait after missions. Jacket.”
Yuuta didn’t know how to respond. He had done those things without thinking, so hearing Toge recite them back to him one by one left him strangely exposed.
“You remember all that?” he asked.
Toge gave him an offended look. “Of course.”
The cursed energy in those words pressed against Yuuta with certainty. He smiled.
“You worry,” Toge continued.
That, Yuuta could hardly deny. “I do.”
“Too much.”
“Probably.”
Toge caught Yuuta’s sleeve again and tugged until Yuuta leaned closer. His breath was warm against Yuuta’s skin when he whispered, like he was letting him in on a secret, “I like it.”
Yuuta’s smile faltered. His hand went still on his knee, fingers pressing into the fabric.
“You like when I worry?”
“Shake.”
“That’s a bad habit to encourage.”
Toge did not seem too concerned about that. He let his eyes close again.
Yuuta was still processing all the information Toge had just let loose. His barrier remained in place, but thinner now. He had started to understand the rhythm of Toge’s leakage. The cursed energy tended to swell whenever Toge felt strongly about something.
“Yuuta,” Toge called.
“Mm?”
“You like everyone.”
“I guess I do.”
“Maki.”
“Of course.”
“Panda.”
“Yeah.”
“Yuuji.”
“Yeah.”
“Toge.”
Yuuta stopped as Toge lifted his head. The low amber light had turned the violet in his eyes darker than usual, the color almost swallowed by dilated pupils, and the look he gave Yuuta was startlingly open. Hope sat there without any of Toge’s usual carefulness to hide it.
Something in Yuuta gave way.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I like Toge too.”
The words left him more easily than they should have, and Yuuta could feel the heat crawling up the back of his neck. It was a confession, even if it wouldn't be remembered by morning, and Yuuta found himself absurdly nervous as Toge considered it.
Toge's mouth pulled into a pout.
“Not enough.”
Yuuta’s breath caught. “What?”
“Not enough,” Toge repeated, and cursed energy curled through the words. Yuuta felt a strange pressure behind his chest before his barrier pushed it back.
“What does that mean?”
Toge frowned. “You give everyone attention.”
“Yes?”
“I want.”
Yuuta forgot what he was about to say. “You want my attention?”
Toge hummed his agreement, and Yuuta felt the cursed energy around him tighten before he even spoke.
“All.”
The single syllable nudged Yuuta forward before he caught himself. Toge watched him with sleepy expectation, apparently oblivious to what he had just done.
“You want all my attention?”
Toge nodded hard enough that Yuuta was briefly worried about his neck.
He laughed. “That is greedy.”
Toge lifted his chin, the familiar stubbornness perfectly intact beneath the medication.
“Okay,” Yuuta said. He reached out and tucked a loose strand of Toge’s hair behind his ear. Toge leaned into the touch, eyes slipping half-shut. “You can have all of it tonight.”
They stayed quiet for several minutes after that. Toge had settled back against his pillow, though his fingers remained hooked into Yuuta’s sleeve while Yuuta held the water glass loosely in one hand.
When Yuuta started to think Toge might be falling asleep for real this time, Toge lifted his head just enough to look at Yuuta, eyes glassy with exhaustion and medication.
“Yuuta.”
“I’m here.”
“Bed,” Toge said. And, as if to further demonstrate his point, he lifted a corner of the blanket and patted the space beside him.
“The chair is fine,” Yuuta tried to reason.
Toge didn’t agree with this. He frowned and patted the bed again.
“You need room for your ribs.” Yuuta shook his head, as though a physical denial would be easier for Toge to understand. “And if I get on there, I’m probably going to jostle you.”
Toge’s expression turned stubborn. “Okaka.”
“I know you don’t care, but I do.”
Toge reached for his sleeve.
Yuuta let him catch it.
“You can hold onto me from there.”
Toge tugged again, but Yuuta stayed stubbornly in the chair. “I’m not getting into the bed.”
For a long moment, Toge said nothing. Then the sleepy petulance slowly faded from his face. Yuuta felt the change before Toge spoke. The cursed energy that had been drifting loose around every word all night suddenly condensed into a single point.
Yuuta’s eyes widened.
“Come here.”
The words struck him. Cursed speech crashed through the room hard enough that the chair scraped sharply across the floor. Yuuta’s protective layer flared. He had kept it thin because Toge’s technique had only been leaking in harmless fragments for the last several hours, and the command punched through before Yuuta could reinforce it.
His body moved in response, dragging him forward as cursed energy surged over his skin a beat too late. He caught himself against the mattress and turned toward Toge in disbelief.
“You did that on purpose,” Yuuta accused. He was not angry, just surprised.
Toge met the accusation with perfect innocence. He lifted the blanket, patting at the space beside him.
“You used cursed speech on me because you wanted me to lie down with you.”
Toge’s eyes curved into two crescent moons, satisfied that Yuuta had finally understood his determination.
Yuuta sighed, but couldn’t stop himself from smiling. After properly reinforcing the cursed energy around his body, he climbed to the very edge of the bed and settled beside Toge, leaving enough room so he would not put pressure on his injuries.
“This is exactly why Shoko-san put me in charge of you.”
Toge immediately scooted closer.
“Careful,” Yuuta warned, lifting his arms, ready to catch Tote if he needed support.
Toge took that as an invitation. He tucked himself against Yuuta’s side and settled beneath his chin like a cat in a sun spot, exhaling a soft, pleased breath against Yuuta’s collarbone. Yuuta adjusted the blanket over Toge and, after hesitating only a little, put an arm around him. Toge relaxed into the hold, one hand finding the front of Yuuta’s shirt and curling loosely into the fabric.
“You know I would’ve gotten in eventually if you kept asking,” Yuuta murmured.
Toge made a doubtful noise without lifting his head.
Yuuta sat with Toge tucked securely in his arms, trying not to think too hard about how warm he was or how naturally he seemed to fit there. His heart was beating far too fast, loud enough that he briefly wondered if Toge could hear it from where his head rested against Yuuta’s chest. Then he reminded himself that even if Toge did notice, he probably would not remember any of this by morning, and with that small comfort, Yuuta stopped trying to calm it.
Toge shifted in his arms just enough to free one hand from beneath the blanket and held it out between them.
“Hand,” he said.
Yuuta looked down at him, confused. “Your hand?”
Toge shook his head. “Yuuta hand.”
“My hand?”
Yuuta held one out between them.
Toge considered the offered hand as though Yuuta had given him something precious and complicated before placing his palm against Yuuta’s. Their fingers brushed, and a faint electric current climbed up Yuuta’s arm as Toge threaded their fingers together.
Yuuta forgot how to breathe.
“Like this,” Toge murmured, wiggling his fingers. Yuuta closed his fingers around them on instinct, and Toge’s eyes crinkled with satisfaction.
“You want to hold hands?”
“Shake.”
“With me?”
The deeply unimpressed look Toge gave him made Yuuta duck his head. “Sorry.”
Toge traced his thumb once over Yuuta’s knuckle, his attention dropping back to their joined hands. “I think about it.”
Yuuta went still. “You think about holding my hand?”
Toge nodded.
“How often?” That was a stupid question. Yuuta should never have asked that.
Toge’s eyes wandered toward the ceiling as though he were honestly trying to calculate it.
“A lot.”
Yuuta’s heart gave one painful beat. Apparently, Toge had spent who knew how long thinking about holding his hand, and now he was doing exactly that while Yuuta sat there trying not to lose his mind over it. By morning, Toge would probably remember none of this, but Yuuta would remember every second.
The realization left him dazed enough that he asked the next question without thinking.
“What else do you think about?”
He regretted it immediately when Toge turned to look at him.
“You don’t have to answer—”
“Kisses,” Toge said.
Yuuta’s mouth fell open. “Kisses?”
Toge’s head bobbed. A blush crept across his cheeks as he looked away, suddenly shy about the admission.
“What kind?”
Toge thought about it for a long moment, apparently faced with too many possibilities. After a brief hesitation, he lifted his free hand and touched his cheek. Then, deciding that was exactly what he wanted, he tapped the spot again with more insistence and looked at Yuuta.
“Oh.”
Yuuta hesitated. He knew exactly where the line was. Toge was heavily medicated, and Yuuta would not use that as an excuse to take something Toge could not consciously choose.
A cheek kiss, though, was small enough that it should be fine.
“You want a kiss on your cheek?” Yuuta asked one more time.
Toge gave a vigorous little nod and tapped his cheek again because Yuuta was taking too long.
Yuuta leaned in slowly, giving him plenty of time to change his mind, but Toge only watched him through half-lidded eyes until Yuuta pressed a brief kiss to his cheek.
When Yuuta pulled back, Toge touched the spot with his fingertips. A second later, the corners of his mouth curled into a crooked smile.
“Good?” Yuuta asked.
“Good.”
The word washed over Yuuta in a warm pulse of cursed energy, and he felt absurdly rewarded by it.
Toge turned his face and tapped his other cheek.
Yuuta laughed under his breath. “You want another one?”
Toge tapped his cheek again, harder this time.
“You really are taking advantage of me.”
Toge clearly had no idea what that meant, but he looked pleased anyway. Yuuta gave in and kissed his other cheek too. That seemed to satisfy Toge for the time being. He made a small happy sound and left it at that.
Yuuta looked at the ceiling. This night was going great.
“Yuuta.”
“I’m here,” Yuuta answered on instinct.
“Want you.”
Yuuta’s thoughts disappeared. His gaze snapped down.
“What did you say?”
“Want Yuuta,” Toge said.
He tipped his face toward Yuuta, glassy-eyed and unfocused, with such unguarded adoration written across his expression that Yuuta’s heart stumbled over itself.
“Want Yuuta’s attention. Want Yuuta’s hand,” Toge continued. The words were slurred, each confession spilling into the next without hesitation, as though there were no thought between feeling and speech anymore.
Yuuta swallowed. Toge was still talking.
“Want Yuuta after missions. Want Yuuta when food.”
Yuuta’s mouth twitched despite himself. “When food?”
Toge did not explain and kept going.
“Want Yuuta when tired. Want Yuuta when happy. Want Yuuta when sad.”
Toge paused, lips parted, visibly searching for whatever came after that. Nothing seemed to arrive. His expression pinched with sleepy frustration before smoothing again, as if all the things he could not name had finally collapsed into the only thing that mattered.
“Want Yuuta.”
Yuuta was holding Toge’s hand with both of his without remembering when the second one had joined the first. Every sentence seemed to find somewhere new to lodge beneath his ribs, until his heart ached with the effort of staying still while Toge dismantled him one confession at a time.
“Toge.”
Toge lifted his head, a sheepish curve pulling at his mouth.
Yuuta repeated, “Toge.”
His eyes brightened
Yuuta said it once more. “Toge.”
Toge looked unbearably pleased, his eyes crinkling at the corners as the cursed energy around them fluttered.
Yuuta brushed a loose strand of hair away from his forehead.
“You really aren’t going to remember this tomorrow, are you?”
Toge blinked at him, then beamed.
“Shake.”
Yuuta wanted to kiss him.
He had known he liked Toge for months. He had known every time he found an excuse to stay close to him. He had known every time Toge fell asleep against him on the train, and Yuuta spent the entire ride afraid to move. He had known every time Toge looked for him after a mission, and Yuuta’s whole body relaxed simply because he had been found.
What Yuuta had never known was whether any of it existed on the other side.
Tonight had given him an answer he could not keep.
That was alright.
“Yuuta.”
“Yeah?” Yuuta answered, didn’t bother to hide the fondness in his voice.
Toge touched his cheek. “Pretty.”
Yuuta leaned into the touch. “You think I’m pretty?”
“Shake.”
Yuuta chuckled. “You’re much prettier.”
Toge’s nose wrinkled. He did not believe him.
Yuuta caught the hand against his face, keeping it there as he repeated, softer this time, “Toge is very pretty.”
Toge’s lips parted in a tiny, startled breath, and color began creeping across his cheeks. His eyes darted away from Yuuta’s, suddenly fascinated by the rest of the room, but he made no attempt to take his hand back.
Yuuta loved him desperately in that moment.
Toge peeked at him again from beneath his lashes. He hesitated, then looked away and whispered, “Like Yuuta.”
Yuuta’s throat tightened. “I like you too.”
“Lots.”
Emboldened by everything Toge had already let slip that night, Yuuta let himself say more. “I like you a lot.”
Toge went very still. Whatever restraint the medication had left him seemed to disappear entirely, and his cursed energy swelled until Yuuta felt the air around them change.
“Love Yuuta lots.”
Cursed energy rolled over Yuuta in a heavy wave. His barrier trembled. For one terrifying second, he thought the words might become a command simply because Toge felt them strongly enough.
Love Yuuta.
Yuuta poured more cursed energy into the thin film around himself until the pressure eased. The only thing Yuuta could hear was the blood rushing in his ears.
Toge’s eyes had already closed again. His breathing evened out.
Yuuta watched him.
He wanted to hear it again.
He wanted to hear it when Toge was awake.
He wanted to hear it with no medicine blurring the edges of his thoughts and no cursed energy spilling loose between them.
He wanted to say it back.
Instead, he lowered his head slightly, resting his forehead on Toge’s hair, and whispered, “You can tell me again someday.”
Toge was asleep.
Yuuta stayed beside him until morning, even after his neck began to ache from the awkward angle and Toge shifted close enough that he had to keep adjusting around his injuries. Their hands stayed linked through most of it, and although Yuuta could have let go at any point, he never did.
When Toge finally woke, sunlight was spilling through the infirmary windows. Confusion crossed his face first, followed quickly by discomfort, then suspicion when he realized Yuuta was still there.
“Good morning,” Yuuta said.
Toge stared at him for a moment before his gaze dropped to their loosely intertwined hands. Yuuta started to pull away, but Toge’s fingers tightened around his on instinct.
Both of them froze.
Toge looked at their hands, then at Yuuta, then back down again as pink crept across his cheeks. Yuuta’s heart immediately started misbehaving.
“Sorry,” he said. “You grabbed my hand last night.”
Toge blinked and frowned, clearly searching for the memory and coming up empty.
“Takana?”
“You were pretty out of it.”
Toge touched his temple, still looking wary.
“Do you remember talking to me?” Yuuta asked.
Toge pinched his fingers together to indicate a little.
Yuuta had to bite back a grin. “That’s probably for the best.”
Toge narrowed his eyes, and Yuuta put a hand over his mouth to cover his laugh.
“You didn’t do anything bad. You were nice.”
That only made Toge look even more suspicious.
Shoko came in not long afterward, examined him, declared him well enough to leave, and gave them both instructions that Toge listened to with far more dignity than someone who had spent the previous night demanding cheek kisses deserved.
By late morning, they were walking back toward the dorms.
Toge’s control had returned with his clear-headedness, and with it came his usual quiet. Yuuta walked beside him without saying much either, letting the morning pass around them in the soft rustle of leaves and the sounds of crickets among the trees.
Their shoulders brushed once. Neither moved away.
Yuuta thought about Toge asking for his attention.
He thought about fingers sliding between his.
He thought about cheek kisses and sleepy confessions.
He thought about when Toge had looked him in the eye and used cursed speech because he had wanted Yuuta to get into the bed with him.
He thought about the way Toge’s cursed energy had surged around the words love Yuuta lots.
Most of all, he thought about the promise he had made to someone who had not been awake enough to hear it.
You can tell me again someday.
Maybe Yuuta could make someday easier.
Toge’s hand swung loosely beside his own. Yuuta had spent months finding reasons not to reach for it—they were friends, Toge might not feel the same way, Yuuta did not want to make him uncomfortable. There would always be another day.
But last night, Toge had been brave by accident.
Then maybe now, Yuuta could be brave on purpose.
He let his fingers brush against Toge’s.
Toge looked down.
Yuuta nearly lost his nerve right then, but the memory of Toge staring sleepily at their joined hands the night before kept him going. He turned his palm upward and slipped his fingers carefully between Toge’s.
Toge stopped walking.
Yuuta stopped with him.
Neither of them said anything. Toge stared at their joined hands while Yuuta stood beside him with his heart beating everywhere.
Toge’s fingers slowly curled around his.
Yuuta looked up.
Toge’s eyes were fixed very determinedly somewhere over Yuuta’s shoulder, his cheeks gone pink all the way to the tips of his ears.
A helpless smile tugged at Yuuta’s mouth. “Toge?”
Toge refused to look at him. He only squeezed Yuuta’s hand once, small and shy, before tugging him forward with it.
Their hands stayed together between them, awkward at first because neither had figured out how their arms were supposed to swing like this, and then easier after a few steps.
Toge did not remember asking for this, but Yuuta did. And for now, that was enough.
There would be time for the rest later, when neither of them had medication or exhaustion or fear to hide behind. There would be another day when Toge might choose to say what he wanted with a clear head, and perhaps by then, Yuuta would be brave enough to tell him what he wanted too.
Until then, Yuuta held his hand a little more securely, and Toge held on right back.