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The earth-shattering relief Karan felt upon seeing physical proof that her son was alive and present with her was not a sensation she would wish to repeat; for it would mean knowing Shion was in such a horrific situation once again. The joy, though, was still appreciated for what it was.
After the walls were destroyed, Karan was one of the first to help with the relief efforts, feeling the guilt from her part in creating this veneer of paradise nibble at her heart. When she saw Shion plod into the district where she was helping clear away rubble from those trapped beneath, Karan thought she had seen a ghost: blood-splattered and pale everywhere but his eyes, a specter returned to exact vengeance on the system that killed him.
But then he spotted her, his face melting into a sad smile, and Karan felt her doubts stream from her feet and into the earth.
He’s alive, She reminded herself. He’s alive.
She embraces him, and he feels far too cool to the touch, like a centipede’s fleshy hide and not the warm and human child she worried so much for.
Looking back at the day her world fell and she received physical proof that Shion was alive, the events that followed were a bit of a blur. She apologized to the people she was helping with the relief efforts, but most of them understood, as parents themselves. Karan then herded her weary child to their small home, thankfully far away enough to be spared most of the havoc.
In the following days she insisted he rest, but it did not take long for Shion to begin getting the guilty glint in his eye he always did when she worked more so that he should not. So when her son asked if there was anything he could do to help, Karan obliged, and asked him to help her go through the government files kept in the now-abandoned buildings - work that was both boring and grisly, considering the state of No. 6’s management. Things had been organized to the point where food and hygiene were no longer a problem, however temporary their vast stores may be. However, people were asking for their missing and their dead, correctly assuming the corruption beneath their feet was responsible.
Fortunately for them, said corruption liked to keep files in triplicate. The citizens would have their answers soon enough, though they may not appreciate the news they so fervently asked for.
———
Karan was not by any means an unintelligent person. She knew there was a connection between Shion’s altered appearance (though she suspected it may be more than just outer appearances), the unexplained sudden withering deaths, and the monstrous insectiod creature that appeared over the sky that Karan could never quite remember correctly, as if her mind was forcing itself to forget in order to save her sanity.
Shion had changed mentally in more ways than she could count. She, in the deepest recesses of her mind, knew it was likely. Karan refused to dwell on it too much, for it would break her heart. But his physical changes? Those surprised her, blatantly. Every strange tic or odd thing was subconsciously catalogued into Things That Made Her Son the Way He Was.
Not long after Shion returned, Karan had started ruffling his hair like she used to when he was younger. He always seemed happy at the contact and frankly the comfort it brought her was not to be ignored. However, his now-white hair was coarse and thick, and her hand came away coated thinly in a fine white powder that reminded Karan of her youth catching moths outside.
Shion certainly retained his work habits though. He was a thorough worker, unable to leave things undone, even with the thankless task of rifling through and reporting the government’s own records of its crimes. Tonight they were matching the people killed by the retirement centers to the census, to see if there were any living relatives of the deceased. Hours after dark, Karan sees her son fruitlessly squinting at the tiny lettering through bleary eyes, so she stacks her papers in preparation to get more coffee for herself and her son, as she was feeling the weight of tiredness behind her eyes.
Before she could move up from her seat, Karan sees Shion take a deep breath and blinked rapidly. Upon seeing thin transparent lids swipe sideways and moisturize dry eyes, Karan barely kept herself from jerking back. She stared blatantly as her son, still rather focused on his task, squinted at the paper once again. This time, Karan could see the lenses in his eyes rotate like a camera’s, the bland light of fluorescents distorted by their movement.
Karan was a scientifically minded woman, but watching Shion pop his joints in fashions mammals clearly could not made her wonder what the hell No. 6 had woken up and angered enough to destroy the city and mutilate its people.
———
Shion asked if they could take back the old papers. Karan didn’t see why not, as they were going to be shredded anyways. If he could find a use for them, all the better. They had the poignant information the citizens had a right to know summarized for easier reading.
It didn’t take her long to find out where the files went.
While Karan was searching for her son, she headed up the stairs to see if he was in his room, as she knew his allergies got bad this time of year and she had some medicine still stocked up. She knew that Shion, when in a particularly thoughtful mood, he liked to throw the window open and gaze at the horizon.
She knocked at his for softly, and with no response, Karan opened the door, calling.
“Shion?”
Evidently, he wasn’t there.
Karan, despite endearing herself to her son’s new odd (inhuman, her hindbrain whispered traitorously) traits since returning home. Even still, the state of his room was a bit ridiculous. More specifically, the bed had been cannibalized into a paper nest padded with blankets. Karan couldn't help but wonder how on earth Shion had managed to make a sound structure out of paper, of all things.
Opting not to think too much of it, Karan shut the door and continued to look for Shion elsewhere.
He never did sniffle or ask for allergy medication the rest of the season though, she noticed later on.
———
Karan awoke to a scream not her own.
She bolted upright at the sound and scrambled out. Night terrors were not an uncommon thing in this household, but the scream she heard from Shion’s room made her blood feel like lead. It was primal, layered with a buzzing undertone like swarming bees.
For a split second, Karan thought the monster she still could not remember the appearance of was here, in her home.
She snagged a flashlight after blindly groping around her rickety nightstand and nearly hit a wall in her route to Shion’s room.
As she threw open the door, she did not see the creature she was worried had returned to No. 6. Instead, she only saw Shion sitting in his peculiar paper bed, staring at his scarred hands. He didn't even look up upon her arrival.
Gingerly, Karan approached the bed and sat down by her son, the paper crunching beneath her. Taking a deep breath to calm her wavering heartbeat, and began the phrase said by parents across the globe.
“Feel like talking about it?”
Shion shook his head wordlessly.
Karan responded. “I think you should.” and then let it rest.
He didn’t want to burden her, she knew. Or hate him for crimes committed in the name of survival. If anything, Karan was more guilty than he was.
“You know,” she began, testing the waters. Information for information, confession for confession. “I see the dead in my dreams, too.”
At this admittance Shion jerked his head up to look at her, startled.
Unabated, Karan continued. “They appear and crowd around me, calling for penance for my part in creating this city. A life for a life, and if theirs had been forfeit, why not mine?”
They sat in silence, Karan letting her words sink in.
“I killed someone, when we were invading the facility.” Shion said, rather reluctantly.
Karan understood. “And his face haunts your dreams.”
Her son chuckled, a dry and humorless sound. “I don’t even regret it, despite how guilty I feel. Isn’t that disgusting?”
Karan reached over, arms wrapping around her son.
“Shion, don’t ever think you are guilty for living. For surviving. For what it’s worth, I’m so happy you're alive, even if it had to be paid with the life of someone else.”
Her son sank into her, and they simply sat there, wallowing in their own thoughts and regrets. Whatever claim that creature had laid on Shion, to alter his physiology so much, he was still hers. Karan was determined to never let anything keep her away from her son, determined to make up for lost time and lost effort.