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"We’re not even in the dorm, it doesn't count!"
"It does so count!"
Jeno watches from the folding table of assorted Santa hats as Donghyuck and Chenle bicker, each jabbing their fingers up at the sprig of fake mistletoe pinned above the doorway where they’re standing. Well, where Donghyuck and a pained-looking Doyoung are standing.
“Does it count?” Donghyuck whips around to address the whole of the waiting area. “Yes,” The rest of them throw back, Jeno included, and Donghyuck pouts. Chenle cackles gleefully.
It started the week before, when Johnny dubiously gifted their dorm with a fabric bundle of mistletoe tacked up above the fridge. It had quickly warped into a game of moving that mistletoe bundle around various nooks and crannies of their living space, several times a day. The rules: whoever is unlucky enough to be caught under it together has to kiss. Whoever does the catching gets to decide where they kiss.
Being holed up in the management offices taking Christmas-themed pictures and videos for their vyrl and instagram updates doesn't exempt any of them from the game, apparently.
Chenle pretends to debate his choice. "Neck," he declares, tapping to the left of his throat, and Donghyuck groans.
“No, that’s weird!" Doyoung brings his hands up, taking a step back. "Why?" Chenle asks innocently, and he nearly pulls it off. Doyoung glares at him.
"C’mon hyung, let’s just get it over with." Donghyuck moves in towards Doyoung, who holds his arms out in protest. It turns into Donghyuck trying to drag Doyoung in closer, lips puckered, while Doyoung makes a show of grimacing and struggling out of the teenager’s grip.
Jeno glances to his side, where Renjun has moved to lay claim on a pair of reindeer antlers. He’s also watching the commotion under the mistletoe.
"If I had to kiss Donghyuck, I’d try to run away too," Jeno whispers, and he counts it as a win when Renjun giggles, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. As if his smile wasn't enough, the ugly Christmas sweater that the stylists doled out to Renjun is large enough for the sleeves to completely cover his hands, giving him an honest to god sweater paw.
Too cute. Way too cute. Dangerous.
"Do you want to take some pictures together? I don’t have many yet." Jeno pulls his phone out of his pocket, wiggling it a little. Renjun smiles again, small and sweet, and Jeno’s stomach flip flops. "Yeah, sure."
Renjun takes the antlers and Jeno snags a plain Santa hat before they choose the deserted sofa in the corner of the room, away from where the others are trying to hang as many candy canes as they can on Jaehyun’s face while Yuta films. Renjun plunks down on the sofa first, and Jeno subtly moves his phone to a better angle. Normally he wouldn't tease the others like this, but he can’t resist when it comes to Renjun.
"You first." Jeno quickly snaps a picture, and Renjun blinks in surprise. "Hey," he protests, "I wasn't ready." Jeno grins, flopping onto the sofa and taking a look at his screen. "It turned out good."
"Delete it," Renjun pouts, and Jeno grins wider. "But it’s cute." The game he’s playing seems to dawn on Renjun then, who makes a swipe for the phone. "No it’s not, delete it!"
Jeno moves the phone out of Renjun’s reach. "How do you know? You didn't even see it," he counters. Renjun tilts against Jeno to grab at the phone again and Jeno holds it further away, laughing.
“Jeno, I’m serious!” Renjun betrays his own words by breaking out into a grin. He pushes himself up on his knee and leans full on into Jeno, stretching his arm out towards the phone Jeno is holding as far away from himself as he can. They’re both giggling now, and half of Jeno’s body is tingling with warmth and he knows how dangerous this is, but he doesn't want to stop.
Until someone clears their throat, and they spring apart.
“We’re gonna take a group picture,” Jaemin tells them with a raised eyebrow, and wow, how did Jeno not notice him standing there?
“Um, okay.” Renjun fumbles with his forgotten reindeer headband, stuffing it on his head and then hurrying to follow the others filing into the next room without a backward glance. That leaves Jaemin staring down Jeno, and Jeno avoiding his gaze. He feels guilty, even though they hadn't been doing anything wrong.
But if anyone can see through him it’s Jaemin, and Jeno really does not want to talk about this, even with his best friend.
“Let’s go,” he says, pulling on his own Santa hat and brushing past Jaemin so he won’t have to look him in the eye, pocketing his phone as goes.
He doesn't delete the picture.
__
They shuffle out of the practice room one by one, all of them sweaty and exhausted from their hours-long dance rehearsal for the upcoming Gayos. Jeno is just about to close the door behind him when Renjun makes a small noise and shrugs his backpack off his shoulder.
“My keychain’s gone,” he exclaims, turning his bag from side to side. “I’m gonna look for it real quick, you guys should go ahead.”
“Sure,” says Mark, as Renjun slips back into the practice room. Donghyuck is already halfway down the hall with Chenle and Jisung. Jeno hesitates.
“I’ll stay and help him, we can walk back together,” he says as casually as possible, for once glad that Jaemin isn't here to practice with them.
“Okay, try not to take too long,” Mark tells him, and then he’s hurrying to catch up with the others. Jeno steps into the practice room, letting the door swing closed behind him.
"You don't have to waste your time, you’ll lose your shower spot if you stay," Renjun points out, clutching his backpack in front of him. Jeno smiles. "It’s not a waste of time."
Renjun looks down at the floor, but the corners of his mouth turn up. "Okay."
They scan the perimeter of the room in opposite directions, although there’s honestly not many places to lose an object in their sparse dance studio. A minute passes, and Renjun is checking around the stereo system when Jeno’s eyes land on the bench pushed against the wall near the door; more specifically, the tuft of white peeking out from behind the bench leg.
Jeno gets closer to it, and sure enough, the little moomin plush is wedged behind the leg closest to the wall. "Found it!" he kneels down and plucks it from its hiding place, brushing it off. Renjun abandons the search and hurries to Jeno’s side.
“Weird, it must’ve fallen off when I put my bag down.” Renjun reaches to take the plush when Jeno holds it out, their fingers brushing together; Jeno’s heart kicks up and he clamps down on the embarrassing thoughts rising in him about how pretty Renjun’s hands are.
“Thanks for helping me,” Renjun murmurs, looking at him with a shy little smile. Oh hell.
“No problem,” Jeno manages.They’re leaving the practice room again, and Renjun clips the keychain back onto his bag as they move down the hallway.
“This must be pretty important, huh?" Jeno indicates the rescued plush before he steps onto the elevator behind Renjun. "Well, it’s just...because it’s moomin," Renjun mumbles. He seems a little bashful to be making a fuss about it.
"Because it’s moomin?" Jeno repeats, even though he knows full well how much Renjun loves the little cartoon hippo. "Yeah, because he’s my favorite," Renjun says, gripping the straps of his backpack and not quite looking at Jeno.
The urge to tease is bubbling up in Jeno again. "But I thought you said you like me more than moomin," he pretends to pout, "Or was it all a lie?"
Jeno sees when it clicks in Renjun’s head, what he’s talking about, and the smile that presses into Renjun’s mouth makes his dimples appear. It’s not fair, totally not fair. There’s nothing about him that isn't adorable.
"I said that so you would keep me on your team," Renjun says matter-of-factly, eyes shining. "Moomin was always number one in my heart."
Jeno lets out a small gasp and clutches his chest. "I can’t believe you’d do this to me," he says. "I’m hurt."
Renjun’s fingers curl up in front of his mouth as he giggles, and Jeno can’t stop himself from pushing further. "Can I at least be second then?"
There’s a contemplative hum from Renjun as he pretends to think it over, dragging it out into a flat, negative sound. It’s just the two of them in the entire long hallway, and that must be making Jeno feel bolder because he reaches out and grabs Renjun’s hand.
"C’mon," he pesters, swinging their hands back and forth. "Say it. Say I’m second only to moomin."
Renjun’s cheeks have gone a little pink, and Jeno likes it way more than he probably should. He tugs on their linked hands again.
"Okay," Renjun relents, his shy smile making an appearance once more. "I guess you can be second."
Jeno cheers and raises their arms into the air; Renjun laughs, his blush spreading further, and Jeno feels inexplicably pleased.
After that, neither of them let go of each other’s hands. Jeno’s heart picks up faster and faster the longer Renjun’s hand stays gripped in his, because this isn't an accident, right? Renjun would take his hand back if he wanted to, he’s pretty sure.
Renjun isn’t looking at him but Jeno’s not really looking either, and they’ve stopped talking and all he can focus on is his jittery nerves and if this means something. If it does...
Slowly, slowly, Jeno starts to tangle their fingers together. He’s half sure his heart is about to drop into his stomach; he wonders how he can laugh this off if it turns out to be the wrong move. Crap, what if he read this all wrong and Renjun pulls his hand away and thinks he’s a weirdo-
But Renjun slides his fingers into Jeno’s, helping to slot them together, and Jeno’s heart leaps.
They walk like that the rest of the way to the dorm, and Jeno’s somewhere between floating and throwing up. They still haven't actually looked at each other by the time they get to the front door, if one-off glances don’t count. Jeno isn’t sure exactly when he’s supposed to let go of Renjun’s hand, so he punches the security code into the door’s keypad first.
"You go ahead." He opens the door, urging Renjun forward with their laced hands. He also manages to somewhat look at Renjun while saying this, and he’s not delusional to think that’s a happy smile, right? Renjun has also gone totally pink to the tips of his ears, and- god, he’s so freaking cute, Jeno wants to smother himself with a pillow or something because he can’t handle it.
Renjun glances at Jeno too, and they make eye contact for a split second before they both look away. "O-okay," Renjun mumbles, and they finally let their hands fall away from each other so Renjun can slip inside the dorm.
Jeno leans his forehead against the door for a few seconds, taking a deep breath and trying to wipe the stupid grin off his face. He shakes himself and goes inside, shutting the door behind him.
Renjun’s already toed his shoes off and is heading into the living room where some of the others are milling around. Jeno kicks his own shoes off, wondering if he’ll have the guts to talk to Renjun tonight, or maybe tomorrow, about....this. Whatever it is, he has a good feeling about it.
Donghyuck's sudden shouting pulls Jeno’s attention back towards the living room. "There!" He's waving up at the light fixture, where the mistletoe is hanging, and then down at two standing below it. "Mark and Renjun!" Donghyuck crows with no small amount of smug joy.
"Oh c’mon," Mark groans, and Renjun’s eyes nervously flick over to where Jeno is standing at the entrance of the living room. That high Jeno was coasting on quickly comes crashing down. Why did it have to be Donghyuck, of all people? Because Donghyuck would definitely-
"Lips," Donghyuck orders. It’s what he always chooses since that first time he was forced to lip lock with Jaemin, in a personal vendetta to make them all suffer as he suffered. Mark groans even louder, and Renjun whines.
"You already made Mark kiss Jaehyun this morning, go easy on him," Taeyong reprimands from his spot on the sofa, and Donghyuck sighs something that sounds awfully close to ‘sure thing mom’.
"Alright." Donghyuck brings his hands up to steeple his fingers under his chin. "I’ll change it, but only because Renjun hasn't done anything to deserve getting a full on kiss from you." Mark shoots him a very unimpressed look.
Donghyuck pauses for unnecessary dramatic effect. "The corner," he decides, pointing to the edge of his mouth. "What! That’s the same thing!" Mark protests. "If you complain I’ll change my mind back," Donghyuck threatens.
Mark heaves out a long sigh and turns to face Renjun, who covers his eyes with both his hands. Jeno watches as Mark leans in and pecks the corner of Renjun’s mouth; Mark curls up in embarrassment at his own actions immediately, and Renjun scrunches his nose and laughs like the good sport he is. Jeno watches and tells himself he has no right, no reason to feel jealous over this stupid game that they all participate in. The pit in his stomach doesn't listen.
If he could get caught under the mistletoe with Renjun somehow- but no, orchestrating a mistletoe scene just to kiss Renjun would be a true level of pathetic he just couldn't let himself sink to.
Jeno spots Jaemin’s inquiring stare from across the room, like he can sense Jeno’s private little pity party. Jeno knows Jaemin is probably planning out how to corner and interrogate him next, so he pointedly stares at the floor and makes a quick exit to the hallway to snag the shower while everyone else is still distracted.
He misses Renjun’s eyes following him out of the room.
__
The next morning, they're being ushered out of the dorm to their schedules when it happens. A few of them have already gone out the front door; Jeno and Renjun are slipping their shoes on in the little entrance way while the others wait behind them for their turn.
Neither of them have really spoken to each other since the night before, and Jeno blames it on the nervous tension that’s been thrumming between them since the hand holding incident. And, okay, wasn't exactly helped by Jeno’s weird, muddled feelings after seeing the almost-kiss. He plans to make up for that today.
And then Donghyuck, who’s just about to open the front door, glances up towards the ceiling and gasps. "Found it!" he shouts. There, tacked on the inside of the arch of the doorway is the mistletoe, right where Jeno and Renjun are standing.
"Jeno and Renjun! Man, I’m on a role," Donghyuck sounds so proud of himself, and Jeno’s insides are already self-destructing, because really, what are the odds that right here, right now, Donghyuck would be the one to catch them-
“Lips,” Donghyuck announces with finality, as expected. “And I’m not changing my mind.” Sure, Jeno was imagining this situation with envy yesterday, but now that’s it’s actually been thrown at him he’s freaking out a little tiny bit. He wasn't expecting this so soon, and he definitely never imagined his first kiss with Renjun to happen surrounded by half their group members ogling them.
“Just do it quick so we can go already,” Doyoung complains somewhere behind them, and Jeno is trying to push the churning in his stomach down when Renjun squeaks “No!”
His face is all red again, like the night before, but this time he looks much more petrified than pleased. “I said I’m not changing my mind,” Donghyuck reminds, arms crossed in anticipation. Renjun’s wide eyes are darting from Jeno to Donghyuck to the others on their left, not properly looking at anything, and he takes a step back.
“I- I’m, just- sorry, no,” Renjun stutters, and he very nearly manages to look at Jeno before he pushes past Donghyuck and bolts out of the dorm.
Everyone is silent with bewilderment for a few long moments; they were all aware that anyone could refuse the game, but nobody had so far. Nobody wanted to be the one to wimp out.
But Renjun ran away instead of kissing Jeno, and that sinks into Jeno heavily.
“Uh...okay…” Donghyuck mutters, breaking the spell. Nobody seems to quite know what to say about this turn of events, though. “Alright, let's move or we’ll be late,” Taeil announces from the back, and that gets Jeno to unroot from his spot and shuffle past Donghyuck out the door.
Jaemin comes up behind him, whacking Donghyuck on the arm and hissing “I cannot believe how much of a dumbass you are.”
“What!” Donghyuck squawks back, but Jeno tunes out the rest of their bickering as they make their way down to the parking garage. Renjun didn't want to kiss him, Renjun really did not want to kiss him. Jeno had thought last night was an indication of- something, but what if he was wrong about all of it? What if it had meant something different for Renjun?
The van that their manager has set up in the parking garage is already open, and as Jeno climbs inside he spots Renjun in the back seat, with Chenle and Jisung wedged in beside him having one of their half-interpretive conversations. He’s hunched down, eyes glued to his phone in his hands and patches of that blush still staining his cheeks. He hunches down a little further when Jeno appears, and that hits pretty hard. Message received. Jeno slides into the front row, feeling very much like a pathetic idiot.
At least nobody comments on the weirdness of what just happened, not even Donghyuck, though that might have been Jaemin’s doing. Jeno expects Jaemin to follow behind him, and is a little surprised when Mark ends up next to him instead. He’s a not-so-great reminder of how Renjun had no problem being (nearly) kissed by Mark, but couldn't stand to do the same with Jeno.
It’s the spark of an ugly thought, and Jeno shoves it down inside him as they drive away.
__
The following days are tense; Renjun and Jeno avoid each other in the van, the dorm, the practice room. Renjun can’t even look at Jeno, and Jeno tells himself not to look but ends up looking anyway, and feels even crappier. He’s sure the others notice something’s up too, but they don’t say anything.
Jeno wants to apologize, but he’s not even sure what to say. He didn't ask Donghyuk to order them to kiss, but he still feels guilty. He must have made Renjun uncomfortable with his feelings somehow, or else it wouldn't be like this.
They’re granted a break from night practice on Christmas eve, and that’s when Jaemin finally corners Jeno.
Jeno is listening to music and finishing homework and pretending not to mope in Taeil and Taeyong’s empty room, when Jaemin slips in and shuts the door behind him.
"Okay, I wasn't gonna butt in," Jaemin starts, which is about the biggest lie Jeno’s ever heard, "But I can’t watch you do this sad sack routine on Christmas, it’s gone on long enough." He carefully lays down on Taeyong’s neatly made bed, mindful of his back.
"Don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to do," Jeno mutters, pulling out his earbuds. Jaemin raises an eyebrow at him. "Oh, I don’t know, maybe try talking to Renjun?" he says. "You’re being an idiot. Well, you’re both being idiots, but man you’re being an idiot."
Jeno sighs and puts his pencil down. "I’m pretty sure he doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't even want to look at me."
Jaemin seems to want to say something, but changes his mind. "Why would that be?" he asks.
Jeno shrugs, staring down at his sheet of math problems. "I made him uncomfortable, I guess." It’s weird to be talking about this, considering Jeno hasn't actually admitted anything to Jaemin yet. "Because of...how I feel.”
Jaemin snorts. “How you feel, as in, the exact same way he feels?” Jeno stares at him. “C’mon, I know you’ve noticed him respond to your incredibly obvious flirting-” Jeno’s mouth falls open, but Jaemin doesn't give him a chance to defend himself. “You know he flirts back, or else you wouldn't do it all the time.”
Jeno pauses after that. It might be true that he’d noticed- he’d thought- "Okay, so I did think….something, but...he literally ran away from me, Nana. I think I got things all wrong."
Jaemin shifts on the bed, shooting that ‘you're a big fat idiot’ look at him again. "Did you stop to think about it from Renjun’s point of view?" he asks, and Jeno doesn't answer, because he knows Jaemin is going somewhere with this.
"I mean, were you thrilled about the fact that you were gonna kiss him on Donghyuk’s orders, with all of us watching?" Jaemin continues. "Was that ever one of the fantasies you made up while you’re lying in bed at night thinking of all the ways you can mack on our innocent boy?"
Jeno groans and slumps his head down on Taeil’s desk, upturning his chemistry textbook. "I hate you so much," he mutters, and he doesn't even have to look to know Jaemin is grinning like the jerk he is. "...And no, I wasn't thrilled. About that."
Jaemin hums. "Alright, so did you consider maybe Renjun felt like that too? But up the embarrassment by like, a hundred."
Jeno lifts his head up, and Jaemin continues. "Come on Jeno, think about it. He’d be totally mortified."
Jeno is thinking about it, and the more he does, the more he realizes Jaemin might have a point. "So maybe, just maybe, Renjun didn't skip out of there because of your gross cooties, but because he didn't know how to handle it."
Jeno doesn't say anything; Jaemin stares him down. "And so the reason he’s avoiding you is…" he urges along. "You can figure it out."
Jeno swivels in the desk chair a bit, staring at the floor. "Because he’s too embarrassed by how he reacted," he mumbles, and he resents Jaemin a little for making this all seem so obvious.
Jaemin smiles. "There we go." He pushes himself up and off the bed, making a mess of the covers that Taeyong would be sure to have a fit over later. "I think he’s in our room now. I’ll go get the kids out so you can talk to him." Jaemin raises his eyebrow again. "Right?"
Jeno sighs, mostly for show since his mind is already spinning. "Right."
Jaemin is halfway out the door when Jeno says "Thanks." Jaemin pauses long enough to smile, a genuine one, and wink before he disappears.
Jeno takes more time than strictly needed getting his stuff together, but he knows that stalling too long just for his stupid nerves will waste his opportunity to fix this, so he finally gathers his books into his arms and shuts the door behind him.
He makes one tiny pit stop, when he spies something hanging above the bathroom door. A split second decision has him snatching it down and pocketing it.
Jaemin did as he promised, because when Jeno pokes his head into their shared room he sees nobody but Renjun, curled up on his bottom bunk with his sketchbook on his knees. He’s moving his pencil meticulously across the paper, biting his lower lip in concentration, and Jeno should probably stop being surprised by how struck he is every single time.
Renjun notices him a moment later, and his eyes go wide; his hand halts mid-sketch. "Hi," Jeno says, clearing his throat, "can we talk?"
Renjun looks a little like a deer in the headlights, but he jerks his head in a nod. "Um, okay." He puts his sketchbook down and scoots to the edge of his mattress as Jeno dumps his stuff on his own bed. That’s when he realizes, in his effort to actually show up before he lost his nerve, he didn't really plan out how to start this.
Jeno wills himself to think of something to say as he stares at Renjun, who seems to find the floor fascinating, but is surprised when Renjun suddenly speaks.
"I’m sorry," it tumbles out of Renjun, his cheeks already coloring, "I know what I did was weird, I’ve been- weird, I’m just-" he hasn't looked up from the floor. "I’m sorry. If you’re mad, I understand."
Strangely, Jeno’s nerves are settling down. "Of course I’m not mad," he says softly. "I mean, I was kind of upset at first. I didn't understand why kissing me would be so awful, but you let Mark almost kiss you no problem." he tries really hard to keep his voice neutral, because he doesn't want to be that kind of jealous asshat.
Renjun’s eyes flick up to him with surprise. "No, it’s not like that," he hurries to say. "I, it’s just...getting kissed by him didn't matter, but…" his cheeks are growing redder by the second, and he’s started to fiddle with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. Cute cute cute cute, Jeno thinks. Is always thinking.
"But...getting kissed by me matters to you?" Jeno finishes the thought, and Renjun’s gaze flies to the ground again. The blush is spreading across the bridge of his nose now. Jeno takes a few steps closer.
"It matters to me too," he murmurs, "and I think you know that." Renjun’s fidgeting gets worse, which is probably a good indication of the truth. Jeno grabs hold of the courage that he’s managed to find and takes the plunge. "Do you want to kiss me?"
Renjun still isn't looking at him, and he swallows visibly, nervously. But he gives a jerky nod, and Jeno’s stomach somersaults.
"Good," he says, grinning because he can’t hold it back any longer, "Cause I really want to kiss you too."
That gets Renjun to look up again, fidgety hands and adorable blush and all, and Jeno pulls the mistletoe out from his pocket. "Do-over?" he asks, holding it up above their heads.
Renjun eyes the mistletoe and finally grins back. "Do-over," he confirms in a small voice; Jeno puts his hand on the side of the top bunk and leans down, still holding tight to that courage as he presses their lips together. Soft and simple and sweet, and Jeno’s heart threatens to burst.
When they break apart Renjun immediately covers his face with his hands, but it’s not enough to hide the wide, dimpled smile underneath. Jeno feels like flying, or shouting, or doing something else really embarrassing because he feels too good to care. He settles for pulling Renjun up into a bear hug.
"So how many times can I tell you you’re cute before you get sick of it?" Jeno asks the side of Renjun’s head. "Because I’ve been holding it in for a long time, once I get started I don’t think you can stop me."
Renjun laughs into his shoulder, the brightest laugh Jeno’s ever heard, and his arms come up to wind around Jeno’s back and pull them closer.
This is definitely, definitely the best Christmas present ever.