Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

junpuns: hey akane, i have an idea

Kanny ^~^: is this going to be as bad as the time you tried to make that stupid elevator joke

junpuns: a) no

junpuns: b) that was funny and also partially your fault leave me alone

Kanny ^~^: if you say so

junpuns: anyway, you know how we have a bunch of chats with other people?

junpuns: well, we should make a group chat with everyone!

Kanny ^~^: that is the worst idea i've ever heard

junpuns: okay i know a lot of the nevada game people kind of hate you but come onnnn

junpuns: would be easier than messaging people individually every time you want to have a party

Kanny ^~^: jumpy i really don't think this is a good idea

junpuns: well that is just Too Bad

Kanny ^~^: i swear to god

junpuns added Kanny ^~^, Σ, ~*~pink princess~*~, h.kashiwabara, 500 snakes in a trenchcoat, Seven, pretty fly for a bi guy, CarlosAndalucia, Mom Friend™,  Eric~, Sean!, and golden girl to the conversation

junpuns renamed the conversation to schrödinger's chat

pretty fly for a bi guy: junpei i swear to fucking god im going to murder you when i next see you in person

junpuns: that's a pretty empty threat considering i've died at least 10 times

~*~pink princess~*~: omgggg i cant believe you two are threatening to kill each other again

~*~pink princess~*~: its almost like old times!

CarlosAndalucia: who the hell are all these people, junpei??

CarlosAndalucia: i only recognize about half of them

junpuns: relax

junpuns: you'll figure it out eventually

Mom Friend™: I recognize Sigma, Akane, Carlos

Mom Friend™: Eric, and Sean

golden girl: wow mom i cant believe you didnt even recognize your own daughter

pretty fly for a bi guy: holy fuck

pretty fly for a bi guy: i dont even know who you are but that was a high quality burn

Σ: oooh boy diana you just got Roasted(tm)

golden girl: name's phi, junpei knows me from the decision game

golden girl: sigma and diana are my parents apparently

golden girl: due to some really bad decisions and the ability to time travel

Kanny ^~^: can we please stop talking about getting burned and roasted

500 snakes in a trenchcoat: Can you all stop talking so fast? My text-to-speech app is having trouble keeping up.

h.kashiwabara: Junpei why did you add me to this

Seven: I second the question

pretty fly for a bi guy: jesus everyones trying to talk so fast can we pause and actually introduce ourselves

junpuns: i need no introduction, i'm sure all of you know who i am

Kanny ^~^: yeah, likewise

pretty fly for a bi guy: im aoi. akanes my little sister

pretty fly for a bi guy: in both senses of the word

Σ: wait holy crap your parents named you red and blue???

Σ: and i thought my parents were ridiculous

golden girl: YOU NAMED ME PHI

Mom Friend™: We thought we were naming you after the person we knew!

pretty fly for a bi guy: first of all sigma (? i'm assuming. akane's mentioned you before) no we arent named red and blue im named after a plant

pretty fly for a bi guy: secondly christ akane you didnt tell me that phi was sigmas kid. or that she was named after -herself-

Kanny ^~^: i didn't know that either at the time!

Σ: guess i'll go next. and yeah aoi (lmao plant man) i'm sigma, genius work figuring that out from my username

Σ: phi's golden girl and the most ungrateful daughter to ever live

Σ: Mom Friend is diana she's my gf

Mom Friend™: Thank you for doing that so that I didn't have to, Sigma.

pretty fly for a bi guy: call me plant man one more time i dare you

500 snakes in a trench coat: I'm Light Field, though I'll also accept Snake. I was in the Second Nonary Game along with my younger sister Clover, who seems to be going by tilde asterisk tilde pink princess tilde asterisk tilde.

500 snakes in a trench coat: Also, I'm blind, so excuse me if it takes a bit longer to respond than it apparently does for the rest of you.

Σ: "tilde asterisk tilde pink princess tilde asterisk tilde"

~*~pink princess~*~: bro omg it looks so much better than that typed out

500 snakes in a trench coat: I'm sure, but, unfortunately, I can't see anything.

h.kashiwabara: Im Hazuki, though Junpei keeps calling me Lotus anyway for some reason. I was in the 2nd nonary game 2

golden girl: do you always type like a middle aged woman

h.kashiwabara: I am a middle aged woman how dare you!

Seven: Hazuki, please calm down

Seven: Seven's all you need to know about me, I'm a detective so I'd rather keep it on the down low what my real name is

CarlosAndalucia: wait are you that guy who junpei broke into the free the soul headquarters with?

Seven: That would be me yes

junpuns: that was rad as hell actually

pretty fly for a bi guy: who says rad in 2029

junpuns: i will actually fight you right now let's go

Kanny ^~^: jumpy why did you do this? this was such a bad idea

~*~pink princess~*~: honestly i think it was a great idea!!! it's been so long since we all talked to each other

CarlosAndalucia: that's nice but can i introduce myself

pretty fly for a bi guy: going off of your name i'm guessing youre that guy carlos who junpei wont shut up about

junpuns: AOI I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE

pretty fly for a bi guy: we're literally in the same house right now come upstairs

CarlosAndalucia: i'm flattered junpei

CarlosAndalucia: didn't know you liked me so much

junpuns: @aoi i will later, mark my words, and carlos i swear to god i mean that in a "you're such a good friend" way

CarlosAndalucia: anyway, yeah, i'm carlos. i was at dcom with junpei and akane, i'm a firefighter so if i'm randomly awake at 4 AM, that's why

CarlosAndalucia: i'm kidding, i know that

~*~pink princess~*~: that's everyone right??

Σ: yeah, i think so

Σ: minus eric and sean, but that's not that surprising in all honesty

500 snakes in a trench coat: This is going to be a challenging group chat to keep up with, I can already tell.

pretty fly for a bi guy: i can take you off if you want

500 snakes in a trench coat: No, it'll do. I'm honestly flattered that you want to introduce me to all your friends, June Pay.

junpuns: oh lord it doesn't recognize my name

junpuns: light you should probably just tell it individual letters your text-to-speech isn't responding properly at all

junpuns: that's a thing you can do, right?

~*~pink princess~*~: surprisingly no this text to speech app just ends up spacing it so it would read like j u n p e i

junpuns: i'd prefer that over "June Pay"

Σ: idk i have absolutely no idea how his screen reader is going to read my chat name

h.kashiwabara: Can someone please tell me how 2 mute this chat

Seven: I would but I would rather you see everything these numbskulls have to say

junpuns: don't call my friends numbskulls

CarlosAndalucia: junpei chill it's a term of endearment

500 snakes in a trench coat: If you could, please spell that like n u m skulls. It reads out the whole word otherwise.

pretty fly for a bi guy: light your screen reader doesnt even do that ive heard it from the other room

golden girl: jesus christ

golden girl: i can already tell this is going to be a nightmare

Chapter Text

junpuns: hey guys, can someone help me

~*~pink princess~*~: what's up??

junpuns: someone please tell akane to stop filling our netflix queue with conspiracy theory documentaries

too fly for a bi guy: do it yourself asshole

too fly for a bi guy: youre the one whos at home

junpuns: see, i would, but then she would just stare me dead in the eye and go "they're real, jumpy"

~*~pink princess~*~: thats rough bro

CarlosAndalucia: junpei just tell her? it can't suck that much

junpuns: why are you on her side? the last time you two disagreed she went after you with a chainsaw

pretty fly for a bi guy: wait wtf akane did that

pretty fly for a bi guy: that seems both wildly out of character and hilarious

CarlosAndalucia: let me tell you, it was way less hilarious in the moment

CarlosAndalucia: that said, junpei, seriously, just talk to her, she is your fiancee

junpuns: but what if she just goes silent on me

~*~pink princess~*~: junpei omg she trapped you in a death game???? and this is what you're concerned about???

junpuns: heck off clover we've made peace with the death game thing

junpuns: besides you were there too

golden girl: how did I become surrounded by weird hetero morphogenetic field soul mates

junpuns: first of all I'm bi not straight

CarlosAndalucia: oh thank god

junpuns: secondly phi i didn't even know you were here this whole time

golden girl: lurking is what i do best

junpuns: thirdly, carlos w h a t

CarlosAndalucia: nvm

junpuns: don't nvm now you jerk what do you even m e a n

CarlosAndalucia: i said nvm

golden girl: *magic school bus voice* CARLOOOS

golden girl: im just doing that so junpei doesnt have to

-

golden girl: and both of you have disappeared. Fantastic

junpuns: no I'm still here, i don't know where carlos went though

h.kashiwabara: Junpei as someone who has been married just don't question it let June have her fun

junpuns: or aoi, for that matter

h.kashiwabara: Akane* sorry still not used to that

junpuns: lotus that is a terrible idea, because now I can't find anything I actually want to watch on netflix

junpuns: it's just full of crap like "search for bigfoot" and "kennedy: alien or man?"

~*~pink princess~*~: that second one actually sounds good tbh.......

golden girl: seconded it sounds hilarious

junpuns: i hate both of you

golden girl: seriously though i know im the fourth person to say it but just tell her it annoys you

Kanny ^~^: yeah, jumpy, just tell me

junpuns: shit

junpuns has left the conversation.

golden girl: i dont think so

golden girl has added junpuns to the conversation

junpuns: phi, let me live

golden girl: for someone who's died around twenty times that sure is a bold request

junpuns: don't give me that you've died at least that much too

pretty fly for a bi guy: alright im breaking from doing stocks whatd i miss

Kanny ^~^: me

pretty fly for a bi guy: o shit junpei whatve you done now

junpuns: made the worst mistake of my life, apparently

junpuns: but honestly akane the constant conspiracy theory talk gets so oooold

junpuns: all of it's fake anyway

Kanny ^~^: conspiracy theories are REal jumpy. maybe not the lizard people ones those are all antisemitic but. Bigfoot? Real

junpuns: look what I have to deal with, folks

~*~pink princess~*~: tbh im w akane on this one bigfoot is incredibly real

junpuns: NOT YOU TOO

golden girl: of all the conspiracy theories I gotta admit that bigfoot is the realest

CarlosAndalucia: i'm back and what the hell, guys

CarlosAndalucia: obviously nessie is the realest cryptid

junpuns: i'm holding my head in my hands how do you people believe this crap

~*~pink princess~*~: says the guy who solved a sudoku puzzle for his gf 9 years in the past lol

junpuns: shut the hell up clover I don't need this right now

junpuns: kanny for the love of God take all the cryptid documentaries out of the queue

junpuns: i don't even care if you watch them but it's making it hell to find anything else I wanna watch

Kanny ^~^: i could say that of all those goddamn gundam shows you watch

junpuns: that's different they're clearly made up

golden girl: this is such a funny conversation oh my god

junpuns: also carlos watches them with me

CarlosAndalucia: i refuse to be brought up as a point of contention in you and akane's arguments

Kanny ^~^: jumpy private chat now

~*~pink princess~*~: OMG IT JUST GOT REAL

-

Private conversation between junpuns and Kanny ^_^

Kanny ^~^: i'll take my queue out if you eat me out later

junpuns: kanny that's extortion

Kanny ^~^: technically it's blackmail

junpuns: now is not the time to be arguing about this

Kanny ^~^: i'll throw in a handjob if u want ;)

junpuns: *sighs* why am I so predictable

junpuns: f I NE

-

schrödingers chat

Kanny ^~^: problem solved see yall later

~*~pink princess~*~: damn that was fast!!

pretty fly for a bi guy: oh no

pretty fly for a bi guy: akane dont you dare ruin the sofa again

golden girl: sofa?

~*~pink princess~*~: again????

pretty fly for a bi guy: trust me

pretty fly for a bi guy: you dont wanna know

-

IceCream: What is this

golden girl: a mistake

Chapter Text

~*~pink princess~*~: hey is anyone awake??

~*~pink princess~*~: i cant open this jar of pickles

pretty fly for a bi guy: clover its 3 in the fucking morning

junpuns: you're one to talk aoi

pretty fly for a bi guy: right back at ya asshole

pretty fly for a bi guy: its bc i have anxiety what's your excuse

junpuns: adhd

junpuns: and also anxiety

junpuns: but mostly adhd

~*~pink princess~*~: hahaha same

~*~pink princess~*~: to both of you

~*~pink princess~*~: anyway can one of you help me please this is a pain in the ass

pretty fly for a bi guy: surely light can help you

pretty fly for a bi guy: his concert ended like an hour ago right

~*~pink princess~*~: i mean yeah but he also passed out on the couch sooooo

pretty fly for a bi guy: he does have a bed right

junpuns: what, are you gonna offer him to sleep in yours

pretty fly for a bi guy: very funny junpei

pretty fly for a bi guy: but no

~*~pink princess~*~: i dont mean to interrupt but this jar isn't gonna open itself

junpuns: you're just gonna let him sleep on the couch like a fool?

junpuns: i'm a twink i cant open a jar ask akane

~*~pink princess~*~: @akane wake up binch I need my pickles

junpuns: forgot to say, her phone's on silent

~*~pink princess~*~: …......how do you know that

junpuns: bc she turned it off before she passed it out, we're goddamn engaged clover come on

CarlosAndalucia: dear god what did I stumble into

CarlosAndalucia: and you don't need to remind us junpei

CarlosAndalucia: definitely not like you proposed in front of us or anything

junpuns: what, jealous? ;)

junpuns: /s

CarlosAndalucia: i'm out

~*~pink princess~*~: CARLOS NO YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE BUFF ENOUGH TO OPEN THIS PICKLE JAR

~*~pink princess~*~: COME BACK

~*~pink princess~*~: COME BAAAAAAAACK

pretty fly for a bi guy: im sorry to inform you clover

pretty fly for a bi guy: but the fireman has left the building

junpuns: bad post op

junpuns: @clover drop the jar on the ground that'll open it

~*~pink princess~*~: any other suggestions from anyone who isnt junpei

Sean!: Brute force. This technique simply requires you to use your manly strength to twist open the jar lid.

~*~pink princess~*~: quick question

~*~pink princess~*~: who is sean

junpuns: sean holy shit is that you

pretty fly for a bi guy: wh

pretty fly for a bi guy: who*

Sean!: Yes! Hello! Sigma managed to connect my central processing to his local server, so I should come by occasionally!

Sean!: I will usually be online when he isn't, since the server is set to turn off when there's any voluntary input.

pretty fly for a bi guy: a) sigma this is cool as shit

pretty fly for a bi guy: b) this is going to get so out of hand later

pretty fly for a bi guy: c) sean are you connected to google

junpuns: turn him into google bot and I will fight you

Sean!: Yes, I am!

pretty fly for a bi guy: can you google “how to get clover to go the fuck to sleep”

pretty fly for a bi guy: with quotes

~*~pink princess~*~: aoiiiiiiii

Sean!: Go the F*** to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world.

pretty fly for a bi guy: sean cancel search

junpuns: o h my god

-

h.kashiwabara: I know im supremely late to this conversation but pickles are absolutely fantastic. Clover I applaud you it might have been 3 am but I wouldnt have made it through motherhood without pickle jars

pretty fly for a bi guy: first of all, pickles aren't that great, hazuki

pretty fly for a bi guy: secondly, what the fUCK do you mean you raised nona and ennea on pickles

golden girl: pickles are goddamn disgusting

junpuns: please god let us stop before we get into pickle discourse

Kanny ^~^: pickles are edible, that's my god-given opinion

CarlosAndalucia: ….....god-given?

CarlosAndalucia: also, gotta agree with hazuki here, pickles are pretty great

Kanny ^~^: god-given as in I gave it to myself

Σ: i can't believe i'm waking up to this garbage, pickles can burn in hell

Σ: well, not burn, i guess, since they're like half water at least, but

junpuns: pickles are kinda blegh tbh

junpuns: akane for the last time stop calling yourself god

500 snakes in a trenchcoat: Pickles are absolutely horrendous and I, for one, cannot believe my sister is a pickle loving fiend.

Kanny ^~^: i can do whatever I want jumpy

500 snakes in a trenchcoat: They are low calorie, pure salt, and provide absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever.

CarlosAndalucia: i support akane and she can be whatever she wants

pretty fly for a bi guy: are they just as salty as junpei

junpuns: i definitely feel like you've made that joke before but I honestly cannot remember

junpuns: also akane you can most definitely not be a god and carlos if you defend her i am breaking up with you

~*~pink princess~*~: pickles are great fuck all of you

~*~pink princess~*~: hahahaha

CarlosAndalucia: but we aren't dating

CarlosAndalucia: and can't, for that matter

junpuns: itsjoke.png

Σ: you sure about that, tenmyouji

Σ: *junpei

junpuns: very sure

golden girl: all of you who like pickles can come out and fight me

golden girl: i'll dropkick all of you 'til you learn common sense

Mom Friend™: Okay, I wasn't going to say anything, but I have a confession to make

pretty fly for a bi guy: lmaooo if sigma finds out you like pickles he's going to have an aneurysm

Mom Friend™: I like peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.

Σ: you what

golden girl: i really thought both of my parents were going to be reasonable for once

golden girl: but no

golden girl: my goddamn mom likes pb & pickles

Kanny ^~^: that's the only acceptable way to eat pickles honestly

Kanny ^~^: aoi couldnt get me to eat them otherwise

pretty fly for a bi guy: okay thats literally just bc youre a fiend for peanut butter

junpuns: i cannot believe I know two people who like peanut butter and pickle sandwiches

Σ: diana, my room. now.

CarlosAndalucia: minus the pb and pickles, I gotta agree with diana on this one, pickles are great

Mom Friend™: Sigma, I'm at the grocery store!

Σ: you'd better not be buying fucking pickles

Sean!: The nearest grocery store is 5.5 miles away. Would you like me to call a cab, Sigma?

golden girl: i hate this goddamn family

pretty fly for a bi guy: i thought he didnt work when you were online

Σ: it doesn't count if im on my phone

Σ: cell tower works differently

Σ: also no, sean, i would not, but thank you for asking

pretty fly for a bi guy: well thanks for the education mr know everything about electronics

junpuns: this is why I don't discourse

junpuns: it always ends like this

~*~pink princess~*~: i didnt mean to cause this much strife, i just wanted someone to open my pickle jar!!

Σ: alright, everyone, log off now

Σ: i know I cant make any of you stop but this has gone on for too long

h.kashiwabara: I know I havent said a word but Im sorry for causing this

Kanny ^~^: its my fault I let junpei make this group chat

junpuns: glad to see we're at the point where you're not blaming me for it

golden girl: okay can everyone just like

golden girl: be quiet

golden girl: shhh

golden girl: no more pickles or discourse

golden girl: excellent that did the trick.

500 snakes in a trenchcoat: This is the biggest mess I've ever seen.

500 snakes in a trenchcoat: And that's saying something, because I've been through two nonary games and got stuffed into a coffin once.

~*~pink princess~*~: you forgot the car accident bro

500 snakes in a trenchcoat: Fair enough.

-

Eric~: I know i'm late, had work, but pickles and ice cream are great

junpuns: eric, i really don't want to be mean to you after everything you've been through

junpuns: but shut the fuck up