Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Merlin was tired. He didn't even remember how it felt to be properly awake. What it felt like to be excited or happy or... anything really. He spend his days in a haze. Since that one day, over a thousand years ago, he hadn't been himself.

He'd lived those thousand years hurting, breaking more and more every day. At one point, he simply stopped caring. He had tried keeping up with his surroundings, had tried to actually live. He'd tried to have friends, have relationships, actually interacting with people. He had lived through wars, through times of natural and man made disasters and in the end, outlived every single person he had ever known and loved and he was sick and tired of it.

People said that time healed all wounds. Merlin could only laugh at sentiment like that because he disagreed wholeheartedly. Time healed nothing. His heart felt just as shattered as it had when Arthur had whispered 'just hold me' all those lifetimes ago and the loss of his best friend still hurt as much as if he'd buried him mere minutes ago.

He didn't think he would ever stop missing him. Because he still did, every day.

He missed Arthur when the whole world had went to war (twice) and he missed him on public holidays (and on the private ones, his birthday just wasn't worth anything without his king telling him to shut up). Merlin wished he could still talk to Arthur, share with him, just like he always had. He wanted to share the great songs he listened to and the great films he watched. He wanted to tell him how his current next door neighbour drove him absolutely freaking nuts and he desperately wanted to tell him how utterly ridiculous he found the television program in the 21^st century.

He was zapping through the different channels lazily, thinking about Mrs. Pudlebrow next door and how he thought she was on to him. The downside to not ageing? He had to move every couple of years because sooner or later the people around him did get suspicious.

He let his gaze stray over to the big calendar he'd hung up on his wall and sighed. He'd been living in this flat in Ealing for seven years now, still looking twenty five. He'd have to find another arrangement soon. But not today, he thought. Today he'd just continue to wallow in self pity, trying not to throw things at his TV as he saw reality show after reality show pass by.

Annoyed, he decided to stick with a music program. At least he wouldn't have to witness 13-year-old mothers or youths running around vandalising everything in sight.

After listening to the first act of the evening, he even thought he might enjoy the show. He got up, only to make himself another cup of tea and fetch a blanket to make himself more comfortable.

Just when he sat back down, steaming cup in hand, blanket draped over himself, he looked at the TV again and everything froze.

The mug slowly slipped through his fingers, landing on his wooden floor with a splash, covering everything in the hot liquid.

Merlin didn't care. Because on national television, there he was.

Arthur, his Arthur, former king of Camelot.

Merlin didn't care about anything in that moment. There was a ringing in his ears and a few tears involuntarily rolled down his face.

He felt absolutely numb.

How could that be? Merlin had waited over a thousand years. He regarded the face on the screen carefully but there was no way that he would ever not recognise that face. That he would ever look into those eyes and didn't immediately know who they belonged to.

“Arthur,” he whispered in awe crouching on the floor and crawling in the direction of the television.

He sat so close to the screen that he went cross-eyed and couldn't really see properly anymore but he felt like he needed to get closer to the man on TV, closer still.

He tried to concentrate on what was said but then Arthur smiled and the familiar sensation of a thousand butterflies being released in Merlin's stomach made it almost impossible. Merlin lay his hands on his tummy and closed his eyes. As familiar as the feeling was, he hadn't felt it in over a thousand years and he was simply overwhelmed. The realisation sent another string of hot tears down his face.

“So Lowell,” said the show host.

“You're originally from London but moved to Seattle to sign with the major record label Max Rager,” the host laughed in the direction of the camera.

“What's up with that then? Not good enough for the British industry?”

Merlin watched the corner of Arthur's mouth twitch, before he answered:

“Too good, you mean?” he sobered up quickly and sat up straight, “No, honestly, a very good friend of mine works at Max Rager and I simply couldn't tell her no.”

The host laughed outright.

“Ah, so we lost the great Lowell Tracey to love. How tragic for Britain.”

The musician didn't say anything to that, he just shrugged.

Merlin finally had calmed down enough to take in his Arthur's appearance.

He'd died his hair black (at which Merlin scrunched up his nose because that just looked weird) and wore very tight leather clothing (that, Merlin had absolutely no objections to).

Merlin almost laughed out loud at the idea that Arthur Pendragon, the great king of Camelot was a singer in a rock band only a thousand years later but he bit his lip. Surely the Dragon didn't mean Arthur jumping up and down on a stage when he'd said he'd come back when 'Albions need is greatest'.

Merlin thought about it for a moment and shrugged. Why not? Maybe Arthur's destiny was to safe people from the horror that was reality TV.

The excitement of finally laying eyes on him again, made Merlin feel things he didn't know he still could.

Even though said king was now apparently called Lowell Tracey. Merlin really hoped it was a stage name.

Arthur – no, Lowell – continued to talk about his upcoming world tour and by the time he threw his head back in laughter, Merlin had no doubts about the real identity of the man. Instantly, he retrieved his laptop (a modern construction he'd ignored for years) and typed 'Lowell Tracey' into Google.

The TV was still blaring in the background but Merlin paid it no mind.

By the time the sun went up, Merlin had listened to every single song available on Youtube, had watched every available interview and had read Lowell's Wikipedia page twice.

For Merlin, there was no doubt that this was his Arthur, coming back from the dead, just like the Great Dragon said he would. If only there was a sign, that the man on his screen remembered...

“Your new studio Album is called Of Kings and Sorcerers,” the interviewer in one of the videos asked.

Lowell nodded, “Yessir.”

“Any particular reason or are you just fond of Kings and Sorcerers?” the man pressed on, smirking and winking to the camera once.

“Bit of both, actually. Films with a lot of sword fighting and princesses are my absolute favourite.”

Merlin knew. By then, he was 100 percent certain that he had to, ney, must, find this guy.

He checked his watch and it was only five in the morning, so too early to call his landlord. He had to get away, he had to... he checked Lowell's location one more time and Wikipedia said that he'd moved to Seattle for his record label.

Seattle.

Merlin thought about it for a second and then shrugged.

Seemed nice enough. Probably better weather than in London.

He deemed it a good idea getting something on the internet called an Instagram and a Twitter. He didn't yet fully understand what they both did but he knew that Lowell Tracey put pictures and little statements on them and who was Merlin to miss a single one of them?

He started packing his things up (not that he had that much to pack, mind) and after filling four suitcases, he looked around in an empty flat. Thanks to his magic, he even managed to pack his TV, sofa and bed (shrunken of course). He sat on the hard cardboard floor and waited. He couldn't call the landlord before 8 o'clock, could he?

As it turned out, he couldn't. The man was angry by nature and when Merlin rung him around half seven, he just screamed at him. Merlin barely got out what he wanted to say. Interestingly enough, he seemed okay with Merlin leaving on a short notice because he simply told him to send an official paper of determination and be off with it.

So that's exactly what Merlin did and found himself at Heathrow airport only one hour later.

He smiled at the board with the arrivals and departures. He felt like he was finally going somewhere. Like anything could happen.

He had felt more in the past few hours than he had for the past couple of centuries and he was beyond excited about the prospect.

I'm finally alive again, he thought happily as he purchased a one way ticket to Seattle.

Just as the thought of being creepy, following a international rock star, popped in his head, he dismissed it. Because the way he wanted their encounter to go? Lowell would know. Merlin was sure of it. They just had to look at each other, that was how it's always been. Arthur and Merlin. Looking at each other, knowing exactly what was going on in the other's head.

He was giddy the entire flight (flying was quicker than going on horseback though, he had to admit) and thus didn't do anything besides staring out of the window, wishing the plane to fly faster.

He had no idea where he'd go, no idea what would happen but for the first time since that day, he felt like he had a purpose in life. He would find Lowell Tracey and he would make him remember.

*

2 months later

Merlin had no idea how it happened. It occurred to him that his obsession with Arthur had decidedly gotten out of hand. Fast. The realisation hit him when he sat down on the floor of a record store, clutching a special deluxe edition of Of Kings and Sorcerers. He was panting and had several scratch marks all over him. He even suspected that his shirt was ripped in the back because he could feel a very curious draft.

He looked at the CD in his hands, still in tact and smiled.

He might have had to fight of a horde of teenage girls to get this but he had. The record store had only ordered a hundred of the special editions and Merlin was one of the lucky people who'd got one. It came with a poster and two special tracks.

One of them called Merlin, the other Arthur.

Giddy with excitement, Merlin went home and sat down in his new flat, in front of his stereo and put the CD in. He listened to it from start to finish, his excitement growing with every passing track.
Merlin was a love song, that much was obvious. It was a power ballade about longing and desire and affection and Merlin got a little bit teary-eyed while listening to it. It captured his own feelings towards Arthur so perfectly and hearing those words sung by Arthur's voice was... no, he thought. It wasn't Arthur anymore. It was Lowell now. He would have to accept that the two were completely different people even though they seemed to have the same humour... and laugh and eyes and smile. Merlin buried his head in his hands, sighing in frustration. This was harder than he thought it'd be.

He continued to listen to Arthur, which was in very strong contrast to Merlin, a song about loss and grief.

This time, there was nothing to stop the tears from falling down Merlin's face and by the time the song ended, he was a quivering mess. All he could do now was press play and listen to the whole thing again and again.

He read the lyrics in the booklet while listening to the songs and looked at the pictures of Lowell.

He'd gotten a Tumblr in the a couple of weeks prior, even though Lowell didn't use that particular website. But everyone else did.

Merlin's day was filled with looking at pictures from Lowell, reading his interviews and watching new videos. He just couldn't get enough.

When he opened up the tab with Lowell's official website on it, he gasped out loud.

Tour Dates.

Actual tour dates.

He roamed over them, contemplating to how many of the concerts he would be able to go to but who was he kidding, really? He could go to every single one of them. He had the time and the money (if the state insisted on thinking he was 87 for the past couple of centuries, he would certainly not object and if they insisted on paying him a very large sum of retirement money for his services to the queen (-s, Merlin added in his head), who was he to refuse it?).

So he sat down and booked tickets for 12 of the 14 shows. He didn't want to look over-eager, did he?

The first concert was only three weeks away and Merlin giggled with excitement. He'd read enough fan reports on Tumblr that he was quite sure he'd see Lowell face to face for the very first time. Apparently, he was big on the fan service. Merlin really hoped that his plan would work.

Chapter Text

Merlin was buzzing with nerves. Patiently, he stood in line and waited to be granted entrance into the concert venue. Somehow, he felt old. And not just because of his actual age but because the people around him were mostly teenage girls, chattering excitedly about the show and telling each other which songs they liked best.

Merlin closed his eyes and tried calming his mind. He would see Arth- Lowell... in a few minutes. He'd see him and he'd be in the same room with him and breathe the same air - and yes he did know how that sounded. He simply didn't care.

He made it into the second row, very much to the dismay of the girls right behind him who kept poking him, telling him to get lost.

Were all concerts this violent? Merlin asked himself.

He started shaking as the support act finally walked on stage. He didn't even listen to them properly but he guessed they were alright. He was waiting for something more than alright, he was waiting for something more.

The whole atmosphere in the room was electric, everyone beyond ecstatic to see their idol live. Merlin just stood and observed. Not trusting himself to do or say anything because he was scared that he'd lost all of his abilities to walk or talk.

The lights dimmed and a very soft melody sounded from the large loudspeakers on each side of the stage.

Merlin thought his heart would stop because then he heard him.

I wonder where it is you went

your smile not more than a memory

I was wondering what you have meant

when you said I should stop wandering

Lowell's voice started out low, soft as he walked onto the stage with an acoustic guitar, sitting down on a sole bar stool in the middle. The song quickly became more and more agitated when he came to the first chorus:

you burned all the bridges and watched them burn

you stepped on my heartstrings not giving a damn

I crumbled underneath your gaze

I was lost and confused in your maze

You burned all the bridges...

Merlin knew this song. He'd listened to this song almost non-stop since he'd bought the album. It was Merlin.

He'd listened to this song so many times that he thought he knew exactly how it had to sound, how it had to go but this was different. This was just Lowell and his acoustic guitar. This was raw and emotional and absolutely captivating.

Where did you go I was looking for you

for years and for years hoping you would

just come back to me

please come back to me

The last two lines came out as a whisper and Merlin wondered for the umpteenth time what he meant by that. What he had in mind when he wrote those lyrics, what he had felt while composing the music. If he even knew what he meant and if it was merely a coincidence that the song was entitled Merlin or if it was something more. Some sort of sense for his past life. Because all Merlin could see while listening to it was Arthur's body, burning.

Suddenly, Lowell started playing quicker and stronger and the next verse almost mingled with the chorus by the sheer force of his performance:

I failed to see why I should give you up

you were my one and future love

I need you back with me

I want you with me

He especially emphasised the need and the want and Merlin was rendered speechless. He teared up and stared open mouthed at the man in front of him, sitting on the lone bar stool in the middle of his stage, illuminated by a single spotlight.

The song ended with the chorus being repeated. The second time around, Lowell sang: 'You burned all the bridges and watched me burn' and Merlin felt completely lost. His heart broke at the mental image of his last moments with Arthur and he felt like the room was too small, too stifling and too hot. At the end of the song, repeating the last line over and over again, Lowell looked up and straight at Merlin.

For a moment, they both forgot how to breathe and while all the girls around Merlin started giggling because they were sure that they had just locked eyes with their celebrity on stage, Merlin knew.

There was a spark of recognition in Lowell's eyes and for a second, he completely forgot to play the last few cords. Thankfully, nobody noticed and he was in his professional mode once again.

After the show ended, Merlin needed a moment to collect his thoughts. All the other songs had been brilliant as well but the very first song had felt so real. Lowell hadn't looked back in Merlin's direction over the course of the remaining show and Merlin felt a pang of disappointment. He kept watching the people who tidied up the stage, putting the instruments back into their cases and handing out left over guitar picks to the adoring fans.

Slowly, Merlin made his way out of the club and back to where he knew he'd find the tour bus. He just wanted to talk to Lowell for a second. Just see him up close. He'd brought his CD booklet to be signed. He spotted a small crowd of girls standing around the bus but he didn't want to join them. Instead, he hung back, certain that he would know when something exciting happened.

After about twenty minutes of staring into the dark, the girls started squealing and sure enough, when Merlin got closer, there he was. Merlin regarded him carefully. He was just as tall as Arthur. Lowell seemed to bite his fingernails which was a nasty habit Merlin couldn't talk Arthur out of and as Merlin stood in touching proximity of Lowell, he could see that the colour of his eyes was the exact same one Arthur had.

Said eyes were suddenly fixed on him and he made himself snap out of his stupor.

“Mh?” he asked inarticulately.

Lowell just smiled at him.

“I said Hello, how are you doing?”

Merlin instantly flushed and his hands started to shake. He was not prepared to actually talk to him (even though that had been his sole reason for standing in the cold, waiting). He felt exactly like all those girls crumbling under Lowell's gaze.

“Er, great, the show was... uh, great, I hope you're... great as well?” he stammered which made Lowell laugh again.

“Yeah, I'm great, thank you. I'm glad you liked the concert.”

He looked at Merlin so intently that he felt like the other man was looking directly into his soul. And that really made him uneasy.

Trembling, he held out his booklet, thinking how he should say something cool. What came out was:

“Great, yeah, it would be really, you know, great if you could sign this.”

“You do like that word, don't you?” Lowell smirked and wrote something down on the booklet (right over his beautiful face, Merlin thought bitterly).

“No, not particularly,” he sighed.

That made Lowell's head snap up and laugh wholeheartedly.

“You do seem to use it a lot.”

“Oi, I am nervous!” Merlin exclaimed, suddenly not caring about anything but the familiar feeling of having those eyes and laugh and voice directed at him.

“Prat,” he added for good measure. When his mind caught up with what he had said, his features immediately softened into what he thought (or rather hoped) must look apologetic.

“I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from,” he mumbled truthfully. Lowell brushed him off.

“No worries,” he laughed, “It's been too long since someone has told me off for being cheeky anyway,” he grinned.

“What's your name then?”

Merlin thought about lying for a second. Why should he? Maybe hearing his name would bring back any memories?

“Merlin,” he finally said and watched Lowell carefully.

Indeed, there was a moment of irritation on the other man's face but it quickly vanished.

“Well then, Merlin. See you around.”

And then, Arthur turned around and got on his bus but not without looking back one last time to watch Merlin closely.

Merlin held the eye contact until the door behind Lowell closed and he was off.

Merlin exhaled audibly.

“I'm so screwed,” he thought bitterly before making his way home.

For the next two shows, Merlin didn't dare to go to the tour bus after the concert. Mainly because every time Lowell played Merlin, he kept looking around the room until their eyes met and yes, okay, Merlin did feel a little bit weird about coming to all the shows now. He didn't mind the travelling. He could ignore the screeching fans but he could not cope with those eyes looking for him every time. Not only did Merlin think that it must be incredibly weird for Lowell to see him at every single concert (okay, it was only the third but there were nine more to come!) but the intensive look Lowell kept piercing him with hit him right to the core. The fact that Lowell's eyes found his most nights, in the exact moment he sang 'You burned all the bridges and watched me burn' hurt Merlin in places he didn't even know could ache. The line and the implication of it followed Merlin home every night. He saw the little boat burning as light as day when he closed his eyes and he could almost smell the smoke when he thought about it.

Maybe this had been a very bad idea. Maybe he should just let it rest. It was in the past. There was no use to break all over again. But then, he realised, he couldn't break any more than he already had. And seeing Lowell sing, listening to him, watching him, it made him feel better than he had in a very long time.

So he opted to stand in the back at the sixth show. The air was cold and he stood close enough to the entrance that he would catch a soothing drift of cold night air here and there.

He leaned against the wall until suddenly, a man came up to him. He was tall and very handsome with thick black hair and a groomed beard.

“Hello,” he said and smiled, undoubtedly British.

“Hi,” Merlin smiled back even though he really wasn't in the mood for conversation, however handsome the bloke may be.

“So, er, I'm a friend of Lowell's,” the man said, extending his hand to Merlin.

Surprised, he shook it and the man continued:

“My name's Ravi. Listen, Lowell said he saw you at most of his shows...”

Merlin started to splutter violently, finally catching his breath.

“I wasn't at most of his shows...I was at... this is my...sixth,” he admitted blushing.

“Cool, so,” Ravi paused scrunching up his face when he said:

“This is not awkward, is it? Because I'm about to ask you to come with us backstage mostly because we think that you're one of us, well one of them but... yeah one of us. Ah, Lowell told me to tell you it would be great.”

Merlin put his face in his hands to hide the ever-growing blush and groaned.

“Yeah, yeah alright. I'm here anyway, so...”

Ravi put his hand on Merlin's shoulder.

“Right, okay, good stuff. You know for someone who spent money and time on six concerts across the country for one singer, one would think that that someone would be more excited in a situation like this,” he rambled on.

“No, it's not that,” Merlin looked up, unsure how to explain himself.

“Never mind. Yeah, sure, I'll come.”

He followed Ravi backstage and passed the support act in the hallway.

That meant he would see Lowell for about 45 minutes until he had to go on.

Chapter Text

There were a lot of people bustling about in the back room Ravi took Merlin to. He didn't quite know where to look because he did feel kind of like a groupie. He just hoped that nobody really knew who he was.

“Ah, you're the great bloke,” a girl exclaimed excitedly.

Great, Merlin thought, apparently the people there knew exactly who he was. The girl looked friendly enough, though. She was rather short and had white hair. She was very pale and wore dark make up around her eyes.

“You're right, he is awfully pale,” another girl said to the first one, who just nodded thoughtfully. She stepped forward.

“Hi, my name is Liv. This is Peyton,” she indicated the girl next to her. She was the complete opposite. She was tall, with a healthy complexion and had brown hair that fell in waves to her shoulder.

“I'm Merlin,” he said and tried to smile. His people skills had gotten a bit rusty over the past decades and he desperately tried warming up to actual human interaction.

The girl, Liv, just grinned at him.

“Lowell is just in the shower, he'll be right out,” she indicated the large table in the middle of the room, “please, take a seat.”

Merlin nodded and let himself plop into one of the chairs, next to Ravi. He'd immediately warmed up to the bloke, maybe because he was British and Merlin felt a connection to there. It was more likely though that it was because Ravi seamed to get awkward and ramble a lot which was right up Merlin's ally.

“So, what do you do?” Merlin asked, trying to make polite conversation.

Ravi looked at him and his eyes started to shine.

“I work in a morgue! With Liv, actually,” he indicated the white-haired girl.

Merlin looked confused. He had never met someone who was that excited about being around dead bodies all day.

“Right,” he murmured.

“What do you do?” Ravi asked right back.

“Er,” Merlin stammered, instantly regretting that he'd ever tried making small talk in the first place. He couldn't very well admit to receiving pension payments, could he?

He was saved though, by the door to the bathroom opening.

Lowell stepped out, only wearing jeans and trying to dry off his wet hair with a red towel. As soon as he spied Merlin, he smiled and swaggered over.

“Hi Merlin the great,” he said and sat down in front of him, still shirtless, still dripping wet, still utterly gorgeous.

“Hi,” Merlin spluttered. He tried keeping his gaze on Lowell's face but the way he smirked at him didn't make that option any easier for Merlin's need to breathe normally.

“Thank you for coming back.”

“Thank you for, er, inviting me.”

They looked at each other before Ravi groaned loudly.

“This is really painful to watch,” he said and stood up, walking over to where the girls had just opened a new bottle of wine.

Lowell laughed and watched him go before he returned to look at Merlin.

“So, er,” Merlin started, not really knowing what to say.

“Are you nervous about going on stage soon?” he asked finally because it was the first thing that popped into his head.

Lowell sat up straight and regarded him curiously.

“Let's talk about you,” he suggested.

Merlin blushed and squirmed a bit in his chair.

“You haven't answered my question,” Merlin blurted a little lamely.

Lowell sat back in his chair and laughed, squinting his eyes playfully.

“Oh, I'll answer a question if you answer a question. Okay. Yes, I'm nervous about going on soon but it usually goes away after one or two songs. Now, it's my turn,“ he leaned forward a bit more and regarded Merlin from under his eyelashes.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Before Merlin could answer that, a guy with a clipboard and a headset came over.

“You're up, Mr. Tracey.”

Lowell sighed and fixed Merlin with an intense look.

“To be continued,” he murmured, grabbed a shirt from a bag on the floor, put it on and left the room.

Only when Merlin sensed a presence next to him, he looked up. Ravi stood there, eyeing him closely and holding a plate stuffed with all kinds of food.

“You two...,” he just murmured and shook his head.

“You better get your arse out there, mate. For some reason he thinks he absolutely has to look at you during that first song,” he stated and picked up one of his spring rolls, dipping it in hot sauce and munching on it happily as Merlin stood up and walked out of the room, trying not to seem too eager.

Because he didn't want to miss it. He needed to hear Lowell sing it.

He came to a stand still on the side of the stage just in time for Lowell to start playing the song. His song. Merlin.

He saw blue eyes drift in his direction quickly and a small smile played around Lowell's lips as he started to sing. Throughout the whole song, his eyes landed on Merlin a couple of times and Merlin tried desperately not to blush.

He was pretty sure that Lowell had no idea who he was. But then again, why did he bring him backstage if he didn't? This was dangerous territory, Merlin knew but he couldn't help it. He clapped and cheered with everyone else when the song was over and Ravi joined him in the middle of the set to jump around with him. Merlin hadn't jumped around or danced in years but Ravi made him feel so comfortable, so safe that he just did. He smiled and laughed happily and was drenched in sweat when Lowell was done with the encore.

When the spotlight went out and the light to illuminate the whole club was switched on, Ravi turned to Merlin.

“Yeah, that was awesome,” he cried, giving Merlin a high five.

“Let's go back, though. We probably have to leave soon.”

Before Merlin could object, Ravi pushed him in front of him through the security barrier and back into the small room right behind the stage. Lowell was standing there, waiting for him, looking just as exhausted as Merlin felt.

“That was awesome,” Merlin smiled.

“Oh really?” Lowell smirked.

“Are you sure it wasn't great?”

“Shut it posh boy,” came from Ravi who stood next to Merlin, still trying to catch his breath.

“Merlin and I were awesome, you were... meh,” he gesticulated around with his hands hectically.

Lowell threw his head back in a flash of genuine laughter and Merlin was once more reminded of how he used to joke around with Arthur, making him laugh like that.

“Sure, if you say so. Then again, I could actually see you, you know?”

“I've never had any complaints before,” Ravi shrugged.

“Well, your usual audience is dead, is it not?”

To that, Ravi just rolled his eyes exasperatedly and stuck out his tongue.

“Real classy,” Lowell commented before his gaze landed on Merlin once again.

“Are you coming to the next show?”

Merlin blushed. Because yes, he was. And to the one after that and the one after that. The only ones he hadn't bought tickets for were the anniversary of Arthur's death and the day after that. But he couldn't possibly say that out loud. Instead he just nodded.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Should I find it weird that I see you at every concert?” Lowell asked, squinting.

“Probably,” Merlin answered truthfully.

“Do you?” he inquired after a moment's hesitation.

Lowell snorted.

“No. Somehow I find it oddly charming.”

He quickly stood in front of Merlin, almost pressing him into the wall behind him.

“You haven't answered my question from earlier, though,” he murmured, watching Merlin intently.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Err, no?”

“Would you like one?”

They were again interrupted by Ravi pulling Lowell off Merlin.

“Jesus Christ, give the bloke some space. We're ready to go by the way,” he looked at Merlin, “we're having a drink before going to the hotel, do you want to join us?”

Lowell, too, regarded Merlin, wondering.

“Yeah, join us.”

“You don't have to talk to him, though. I am much better company,” Ravi said excitedly.

“Oi!”

“What? I didn't back him into a corner, asking weird things, did I?”

“No, you just talk about dead people all the time.”

“Because they are fascinating!”

“It's creepy.”

“Charming.”

They both looked at Merlin.

“Please tell him it's not charming,” Lowell requested, rolling his eyes at his friend.

Merlin couldn't help but laugh at the scene in front of him. Suddenly, he wanted to be part of this group of oddballs. Desperately.

“I'll tell you whether it is charming when we've actually had that conversation, deal?” he asked, eyes glowing with mirth.

Ravi smiled at him widely before gesturing him to follow. Together, they hopped into a van and drove off into the night.

After only ten minutes, they stopped in front of a very fancy hotel.

“Perks of being friends with a freaking rock... person.”

“He absolutely refuses to call Lowell a star,” Liv chimed in happily, gesturing at Ravi.

“He think's it will make his head even bigger.”

“I know it will,” Ravi commented and made his way to the bar area.

Their little group was immediately led to a secluded table.

(“Bloody rock...persons,” Ravi muttered under his breath at the gesture.)

As it turned out, Ravi talking about his work actually was quite charming, Merlin found. He'd never seen anyone talk so agitatedly about how they spend their days and since he and Liv helped out an inspector with murders, he loved his job even more (“Imagine the lives we safe by catching a killer,” he had exclaimed happily).

Meanwhile, Lowell sat by himself, brooding.

“Everything alright?” Merlin asked while Ravi was getting them another drink.

“Peachy,” was the reply and Merlin really didn't know what he'd done wrong.

“You do seem to be sulking,” Peyton smirked.

Lowell just glared at her and then at Ravi.

“What do you expect, I made him get Merlin, so that I could talk to him. Not for him to sit there engrossed in stories about murder,” he huffed.

Merlin blushed. He felt like he did that a lot these days.

Peyton giggled.

“Well, in that case why don't you get off your arse and buy Merlin a drink? Because that's what Ravi is currently doing and it seems to be working,” she winked.

Liv smiled, looking at her friend's in turn.

“You people are so cute with all your denial and obliviousness.”

By then, Ravi had returned, bearing cocktails for him and Merlin.

“What did I miss?”

“Lowell is jealous,” Liv said, stirring her drink with her straw.

“He doesn't like you taking to the guy who called him great, repeatedly.”

Ravi shot his friend an amused look.

“Why then Lowell should trade places with me so that he can continue making cow eyes at Merlin a bit closer,” he stood up and walked around the table.

Lowell blushed but stood up and walked over to Merlin, seemingly confident. He sat down in the chair previously occupied by his friend and leaned on the wooden surface.

“We didn't get to finish our conversation earlier.”

“Which one? The one where you asked me whether I had a boyfriend?” Merlin suddenly said confidently and had no idea what had gotten into him. This felt almost like flirting back. He had never flirted back in his life!

Lowell grinned.

“That's the one. So, do you?”

“What?”

“Have a boyfriend?”

“Er, no?”

“Want one?”

“Asks the guy who told me Ravi's work stories were disturbing. Subtlety isn't your strong suit, is it?” Merlin asked. He took another sip from his drink and felt the alcohol going to his head instantly.

“Well,” Lowell huffed.

“Stories about dead bodies versus being asked out by a famous rock star...” he trailed off and held his hands up as if to illustrate weighing something.

“Your call.”

“Mh,” Merlin pretended to think for a second.

“If you're gonna go with 'want one', I guess I'll stick to the corpses.”

Lowell looked frustrated and amused at the same time.

“Oh god, you're one of those. One that has to be wooed, yeah? High maintenance and all that?”

Short flashes of memories from back in the day where he and Arthur would bicker all day long appeared in Merlin's head and he smiled a little sadly, when he said:

“Oh, you have no idea.”

Chapter Text

Merlin loved how truly and well integrated he was into the group after only hanging out with them during and after four shows.

Liv would send him pictures of random things she saw and liked.

Ravi constantly talked about his work and got really excited about it.

Peyton tried making him buy more fashionable clothes.

And then, there was Lowell.

They were all at Major's home (who looked like he could be in a boyband). He was Ravi's roommate and Liv's ex-fiance, apparently. Merlin couldn't really fathom why there was an ex in that title because they obviously loved each other and seemed to be such a good fit, too.

It was Lowell's after-tour celebration and Merlin had been invited even though he hadn't even shown up at the last two (to which Lowell said: “Truly un-great, Merlin. I stand there, thinking I'll see you jump around with Ravi and then you're not.”).

Merlin smiled fondly at his new group of friends, while they laughed and bickered with each other. Major had bought a little too much alcohol so the group was very well on their way to being completely drunk, when Merlin's curiosity got the better of him and he wandered through the house a bit. He looked at the paintings Major had put up on his wall (and wasn't that Liv's signature? He didn't know she painted) and marvelled at how big and well furnished this place was. He started thinking about his own little apartment with the 100-year-old sofa and a small table so he could put his food somewhere. He really should start to redecorate. He would start tomorrow!

At the end of the corridor, a door stood slightly ajar and Merlin just peeked in it for a second. What he saw was the biggest television in the history of televisions. At it's feet, there were several other devices but Merlin really wasn't sure what exactly they were. He thought one of them might be a DVD Player.

He leaned closer, to get a better look when suddenly, someone cleared his throat behind him. He whirled around only to face a smirking Lowell, casually leaning on the door frame.

“Looking for something?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I, er,” suddenly nervous and embarrassed by being caught snooping about, Merlin said the first thing that came into his head:

“Bathroom?”

Lowell indicated the electronic set up with a nod of his head, still seeming terribly amused:

“Keep looking. It's gotta be down there somewhere.”

When Merlin kept blushing however, his features softened.

“Come join me for a drink,” he said and walked away, apparently trusting that Merlin would run after him... which, he did.

The kitchen was empty since everyone had sat down in the large sitting room area.

*

„They really do make a good couple. Liv and Major I mean. But you know... since the party, - where she changed – she just doesn't want to...endanger him. I mean who would do that to a person they love, right? Would be too dangerous...“

Merlin had listened intently, watching Arthur pour alcohol shots into their drinks (having one directly from the jigger).

“Why are you telling me this?” Merlin asked, mesmerised by the way Lowell moved behind the bar, as if he felt completely at ease.

“Because I think it will get me a better shot at a date,” Lowell replied, smirking.

He made a cut into two chilis and draped them over the rims of their glasses before adding a straw and handing one to Merlin.

Gingerly, he sipped on it (mostly to hide his nervousness) and was immediately overcome by the hotness of the drink.

“This is hot,” he croaked out.

Lowell smirked.

“Perks of dating a Zombie,” he said, clinking his glass to Merlin's.

“Cheers.”

“That's the film with Jesse Eisenberg, right?” Merlin asked, almost unable to hide an unbelieving grin.

Lowell just smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders.

“You trying to hide it is cute. Points for effort, I guess.”

Merlin laughed.

“Right,” he managed and thought that he would have to google the word. Maybe the definition had changed over the last couple of years and he just wasn't aware of it. Maybe it was a lifestyle trend... goth, emo, hipster, zombie.

Probably, Merlin thought, enjoying the spicy beverage.

*

It was only a few days later, that him and Ravi had lunch together. Merlin found that he really liked his company. He liked how he got excited about every single thing in his life like it was the best thing ever. Merlin had been able to do that, too... back in the day.

They were sitting in a little café just across the street from the morgue and Ravi was rambling again. Normally, Merlin was really good at following his friend's train of thought but he had to interrupt:

“Sorry, you keep going on about a cure, but a cure for what?”

Ravi looked at him intently.

“A cure for your... predicament.”

“And what predicament would that be, exactly?” Merlin asked warily.

Ravi leaned over the table and whispered:

“You know. The Zombie thing. The eating brains? That you people do? The being undead?”

Merlin gaped at him and blinked a couple of times. Right, so this got scarier by the minute. First Lowell and now him. Finally, he asked:

“What... Ravi, what exactly do you mean when you talk about Zombies? Is that some life style trend? Like being a hipster?”

“Being a...,” suddenly, Ravi broke off and looked at Merlin wide-eyed.

“No,” he breathed and instantly stood up.

“I will... Merlin, would you come with me for a moment?”

Together they left the café and went straight to Ravi's office, where he immediately started manhandling Merlin.

He first listened to his pulse and his eyes grew impossibly wide.

“Oh god,” he said and continued to conduct more tests.

Merlin had no idea what was going on but felt like he should just let Ravi do his thing before asking the most obvious question of what the hell he was doing.

Finally, Ravi plopped down into an office chair in front of Merlin and ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling it.

“Oh god,” he repeated but this time around Merlin felt like it was a great moment to ask:

“Ravi, what is going on?”

“Do you have natural black hair?”

“Ravi...”

“Or is it really really blonde? Because god, Merlin...”

“Ravi...”

“How about those fingernails of yours, why are they so short and why are you so pale and why...”

“Ravi!”

Ravi's eyes snapped to Merlin's.

“What the hell is going on?” Merlin asked again and looked at him intently.

Ravi scrunched up his face and said very slowly:

“We might have thought that you were... a Zombie, as it were. But, er, apparently, you're, er, not.”

“A Zombie.”

“Yes.”

“Am I right in assuming that it isn't a life style choice and that we're actually talking about undead people who eat brains?”

Ravi just nodded.

It was Merlin's turn to tear at his hair.

“Right. And, uh, everyone else is one?”

Ravi nodded again, then shook his head.

“Well, no. Liv and Lowell, yes. But Peyton and Major don't know and oh god, what have I done?”

Merlin tried contemplating what he had just heard. He couldn't believe it. He finally had found Arthur again and he was undead? Undead being better than in-the-lake-dead but... not good enough. Merlin felt the hollow feeling he had felt for so many years creep back into him.

He didn't even notice that a single tear rolled over his cheek until Ravi snapped him out of his thoughts:

“It's okay, Merlin, I swear. You didn't get hurt. You're not scratched. It's all good.”

“I can't loose him again,” Merlin blurted, looking at Ravi, wanting him to understand.

“I can not loose him again,” he repeated.

Ravi studied him, obviously slightly confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I...” Merlin sighed.

“You know the Arthurian legends?”

Ravi nodded.

“Yeah, I'm Merlin.”

“Like what, the sorcerer?”

“Yeah.”

“But...” Ravi fell silent. It looked like his mind was working and Merlin could almost hear his thoughts.

“Sadly, awesome sorcerer that I am, I can't seem to die. Well at least not on my own and er, I'm like, old.”

“How old?”

“I lost count.”

“And you...,” suddenly Ravi's eyes grew impossibly wide.
“Is... Lowell, I mean, is he?”

“The reincarnation of Arthur Pendragon,” Merlin stated matter-of-factly.

“Right,” Ravi nodded. Merlin didn't know whether he believed him, but it didn't matter. He smiled. He knew how it sounded and he almost thought that Ravi would laugh insanly in a second and tell all of their friends what Merlin had said. But on the other hand, he believed in zombies. So he thought he'd take a shot...

He had kept his secret for so many years, he never would have believed how amazing it would feel to actually tell someone.

“Why are you smiling like a lunatic?” Ravi asked, squinting at him.

“I trust you,” Merlin realised and it was a glorious feeling.

“The last person I trusted was... him. But Ravi, I trust you!”

He jumped from the chair he was sitting on and embraced his friend.

“Oh-kay,” he just said but it was muffled by Merlin's hair.

“This is brilliant,” Merlin said and sat back down.

“I'm still not sure how I feel about Arthur being a Zombie, though.”

Ravi studied him for a moment before he said:

“Uh, not to, you know, but, er, Arthur isn't a Zombie. Lowell is.”

Merlin nodded absently. He knew that. Of course he knew that Lowell was nothing like Arthur. He was funny and flirty and didn't boss him around. But he was grateful for that. He wouldn't know what to do if Lowell actually did behave like the former king of Camelot.

“You said something about trying to find a cure,” he remarked.

“Can I help?”

*

That evening, Merlin felt content. He plumped down on his old, battered sofa and continued to watch Lowell's live DVD's. Now that he knew what was going on, he could see the change quite clearly. In the older versions, he was clearly not as pale (even though he did use bronzer so it wouldn't be that obvious) and his hair was a shade too dark to be his natural hair.

He only took a break, when his phone vibrated. It was a text from Lowell.

He really did have to stop to fangirl over him. He would find out sometime and Merlin knew he wouldn't be able to stand the smugness.

So how about that date then? L.

Merlin smiled. He didn't know how to feel about Lowell's advances. On the one hand, there was nothing he wanted more, on the other, he felt like he was cheating on Arthur.

After an evening of over thinking it, he finally reached for his phone and typed:

Alright.

before hitting the send button. He had waited so many years for this, he was allowed to be happy, he figured. And if he didn't want to sound too enthusiastic just to keep Lowell's smugness in check, then that wasn't anyone's business but his.

Chapter Text

Merlin had a date. Merlin had a date. Merlin couldn't even remember having a date. But yet, here he was. He would still have to wait for another four days for it to actually happen but hey, date was date.

He had enough to do until then, anyway. Ravi and he had discovered that Merlin probably could help out with the cure. His endless knowledge in treating things with various plants and magic could help the process along, Ravi thought.

So Merlin had started living in the morgue (it became less and less scary to be around dead people all day). Even Liv had started acting normal around him. When she had first found out that he actually wasn't a zombie, she had avoided any zombie talk in front of him. But as time went on and she saw how dedicated Merlin was in helping Ravi, she even ate in front of him.

That, Merlin had yet to get comfortable with.

He was sitting in their office, reading one of his magic books, when he found something interesting.

“The very rare disease makes the victim's brain shrink and finally dissolve, unless the human brain becomes the victim's primary source of nutrition,” he read and mumbled under his breath.

Well it didn't say the actual Z-word but it was quite clear, wasn't it? Underneath the text, there was a picture of a plant which apparently could help bringing the original brain back. Merlin let out an excited squeal and rushed over to where Ravi stood, currently sawing a body back up.

“Guess what I found,” he said smugly and took Ravi's silence for the permission to go on:

Merlin propped the book up so Ravi could take a look if he so chose and said:

“It says that this plant right here could help. I didn't find anything more to it yet and we will probably have to change something or add something because...I don't think there was any of that Max Rager stuff in the middle ages but... right? I mean,” he rambled on excitedly but Ravi's gaze was fixed on something over his shoulder.

“Merlin, I think it's for you,” he said before concentrating on his task again.

When Merlin turned around, he almost let his book drop because there he stood: Lowell. The man Merlin was going on an actual date with. He wore a simple t-shirt, that read “27 and dead” and leaned casually on the door frame (oh how Merlin loved it when he did that).

“Hey,” he breathed, absolutely surprised by the visit.

“Hi,” Lowell laughed and walked down the few steps, hiding his hands behind his back while Ravi quickly fled into his office.

“So, I know this is a bit odd,” he grinned when he stood in front of Merlin.

“Because I already have a yes to that date but...”

Lowell put his hands in front of him and handed Merlin a small wooden box.

Merlin smiled and opened it. Inside, there was a large bottle of hot sauce.

Merlin laughed somewhat nervously. This answered the question as to whether Ravi had told Lowell about him not being... well, undead.

“Hot sauce,” he said smiling.

“Thank you!”

Lowell smiled back at him, softly.

“Okay, so here's the speech,” he mumbled and seemed nervous.

“The Zombie thing... is a bitch. You know this. All you can think about is how to get your next meal and... noone can really... know you. Kissing, touching, sex, love, yelling at someone for stealing the blankets... it all suddenly seems impossible. Out of the question, forever. And then one day, I see this... beautiful, beautiful guy at one of my shows. He's the only thing in colour,” he paused, smiling, “odd, because he is just so pale. And suddenly there is hope again. So,” he nervously shuffled his feet on the floor.

“So, that's it... er, just... uhm. Thank you for saying yes,” and with one last smile, he walked back up the stairs and left.

He left Merlin standing in the middle of a morgue with hot sauce in his hands, mind reeling. He blushed furiously and couldn't turn his eyes from the spot Lowell had occupied only seconds earlier.

“Well, someone got wooed,” Ravi commented, poking his head out of his office. He looked at Merlin sympathetically.

“You know you can't do it, though. If not for you, don't do it to him. If he'd accidentally scratched you... he'd never forgive himself,” he mumbled before vanishing into the back room.

Merlin knew. He knew he shouldn't do it. On the other hand, he didn't quite know what a zombie bite or scratch would do to him. He was immortal after all. He didn't know what that meant. Because he could get hurt and there were several occasions on which he had almost died in the past but... almost. He would have to talk to Ravi. Look for a way to make this possible. Because he would have to make it work. Because he liked the feeling of his heart almost bursting and the strong impulse to laugh because of happiness. He wanted and needed that. No matter what.

By the time Friday rolled around (or: Date Day, as Merlin had dubbed it in his head), he got more and more nervous. It really didn't help that Ravi kept watching him warily. Just before Merlin was due to go home to get ready, he slammed the book he was reading down on the table and turned to Merlin.

“Look, mate, I know you want to do it. I can see why. Lowell is a really nice piece of... you know, or whatever,” he groaned.

“Jesus, I never thought I'd be standing around giving relationship advice. So. Lowell. Yes, very datable, but, we don't know what a scratch could do to you. I know, immortal wizard-”

“Sorcerer,” Merlin interjected.

“Right, sorcerer, sorry. Immortal sorcerer and all but we don't know how the zombie thing will affect you. I mean for all we know it could be too much for your... well over a thousand years,” Ravi broke off and scrunched up his nose.

“You are quite old, aren't you? Right, keeping on track: ancient sorcerer but for all we know you could well, actually die.”

Merlin had just shrugged not really caring about what Ravi said.

But as the day proceeded, he kept thinking about it. And he kept thinking about what Lowell had said about Liv not wanting to hurt Major.

He had to cancel. He couldn't do this to himself or Ravi or Lowell.

When he was home, he called him but it went straight to voicemail.

Merlin closed his eyes for a second and composed himself before croaking into the phone:

“I'm sorry Lowell but I will have to cancel for tonight, I'm not, er, feeling well,” he felt hotter and hotter with every word he said until he just rushed out:

“I'm sorry and I know this is very last minute but I just can't do it and, sorry. Sorry. Did I say sorry yet? So, er, sorry. Okay, bye!”

He quickly pressed the red button on his phone and put it away before sinking down on his sofa.

That went...horrible. He probably just had destroyed any possibilities for a rain check because after that message, Lowell would probably not want to try again. He slumped down and grabbed a blanket to snuggle into and started watching TV. His heart really wasn't in it and he just tried not thinking about Arthur too much. Or Lowell for what matter. Or how unhappy he had been until he'd met Lowell and his friends.

He was well on his way to falling asleep, when someone knocked on his door. Not wanting to leave his comfortable cocoon of blankets, he pulled them closer around himself and wobbled to the door.

When he opened, he stared right into Lowell's face.

“Hey,” he said smiling and held out a little container with medication.

“Er, Anti-depressants. You seemed kind of stressed out earlier and I thought it might have been something you ate,” he directed a pointed look at him.

Slowly, Merlin took the pills and stared at his guest in wonder.

It took him a while to understand what was happening but then he remembered Ravi telling him all about zombies taking on the character traits of the last brain they had eaten. Lowell probably thought he had PTSD or something very similar.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, blushing. He took a step to the side to invite Lowell in.

“You bring me prescription meds, the least I can do is offer you a drink.”

Lowell smiled and walked in.

“Cosy,” he mumbled and sat down on the sofa.

The situation really freaked Merlin out. He had never pictured Lowell in his flat, on his ancient sofa, smiling like that.

Lowell pointed at Merlin's chest area and said:

“You've got... a little something...”

Merlin looked down his own front and spotted some leftover crumbs on his shirt from when he had indulged in a bag of feel-better crisps earlier.

“Yes well,” he brushed them off.

“I didn't really expect a date today, so...” he trailed off.

“Oh, this is not a date,” Lowell clarified looking around the flat.

“This is a drop by.”

Merlin giggled and went into the kitchen. He called:

“What do you want to drink?”

“Coffee if you have it.”

Thank god, Merlin thought. Coffee was harmless, right? Coffee couldn't possibly lead to anything.

*

They actually had a pretty good time. Merlin laughed a lot. They had never been truly alone together for a longer amount of time and while Lowell was funny and always confident around other people but the side of him Merlin got to see that evening was one of a very caring, sweet, sensitive man. Merlin could just smile fondly at him while he told a story about his sister and him trying to convince their father that they absolutely needed a tree house.

It had gone so well but ended apruptly, when Lowell tried kissing him and Merlin instantly ducked it.

“I, er, sorry,” he stammered out and Lowell sat back as if he was stung by a million bees.

“No, er, nothing to be sorry about,” he stood up quickly.

“Uhm, I shouldn't have... Right,” he blushed furiously and walked into the hall, gathering his things.

“Lowell,” Merlin tried once more but Lowell just held up a finger as to make him stop.

“Merlin, please. You made it quite clear that you didn't...You made it quite clear.”

And with that, he left.

*

Merlin had felt horrible for the remaining evening and couldn't stop moping about the next day. The bad thing about it was, it was a Saturday. He had nowhere to go, nowhere to be except for right where he was. He had texted Ravi the night before and had gotten a couple of very supportive emojis but that had been about it.

Merlin kept staring at the wall. He had blown any chances he had had with Lowell, he knew it. Lowell would never try to ask him out again.

Finally, he stood up from his coffee table and changed his clothes (as comfortable as sweatpants were, for what he was about to do, he would need his finest clothes. Thank god for Peyton's persistence). He had thought about nothing but Lowell all day and just when he was about to go to bed, he thought to himself: No. This, sitting around doing nothing and then going to bed was exactly what he had done prior to meeting Lowell. He might as well become a zombie himself, because this? What he was doing? Wasn't worth anything.

Merlin combed through his hair and his gaze fell on the clock on the kitchen counter. Enough time to catch Lowell when he was leaving his studio (He always went there on Saturdays to write and record, he had told Merlin as much the night before).

*

Merlin stood in the cold for what felt like an eternity but probably was only about half an hour, when the door finally opened.

Be cool, he thought, be cool, be cool, be cool.

“Hey,” he said and made Lowell turn around.

“Merlin,” he smiled but it looked very pained.

“What are you doing here?”

Merlin smiled. The more he saw Lowell and the more he found out about him, the more he fancied himself in love with the man in front of him. One evening of soul baring conversation and here he was, fond of how Lowell tried to hide his discomfort.

“So, I was in the neighbourhood,” Merlin started, shuffling his feet.

“And then I thought I should stalk a rockstar, because that's what one does, right? And so I thought to myself, Merlin, I thought, you should really go see that really great guy. That one guy who is so great that he makes you loose all ability of speech and the only word that still comes out is great,” Merlin noticed that he was rambling on and Arthur couldn't help but smile softly.

“So, I figured, I'd come by and...” Merlin trailed off and before he could over think it, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Lowell's in a soft kiss.

Chapter Text

When Merlin woke up, he was momentarily disoriented. The only thing he knew was that he wasn't alone. That there was someone beside him, resting one hand possessively on his hip and had his other hand linked with Merlin's.

Merlin thought about about the night before, the him kissing Lowell and how one thing had just led to another.

Content, he snuggled back into his pillow and kept his eyes firmly shut, smiling.

“Morning,” came next from him and he turned around so he could see Lowell properly. They lay face to face, gazing at each other.

“Morning,” Merlin whispered, afraid of disturbing the atmosphere if he said it any louder.

The lazy smile Lowell gave Merlin in return, lit up his own face. He was going to be okay. After all there were perks of dating a zombie. Or so he'd heard.

*

Happily humming, he was in the morgue only a little while later (Lowell had a meeting with his agent), when Liv and Clive came in. Merlin had met the detective on several occasions already, most of them involving a murder. They were arguing about the missing kids Major was concerned about. He even had currently lost his job as a social worker because he kept pursuing a man called 'the candyman' who kept kidnapping kids from the skatepark. So far, the police had done nothing to stop the dissapearances.

“We have to do something,” Liv said, angrily pacing.

“Liv, I know. But I can't. My hands are tied, my boss doesn't want me to and...”

“Screw your boss. There are actual children's lives on the line.”

Merlin had never seen her that angry and at the same time that stiff. She kept marching about like she was in the military.

Ravi observed the scene quietly, albeit shooting Liv worried looks. Only when Clive was called back upstairs, he asked:

“Liv, what's wrong?”

“I had a vision. I saw Blaine killing that boy, Jerome. He seemed like a nice kid,” she slumped down in a chair.

“Blaine?”

Liv nodded and gave him a meaningful look.

“Alright, who's this Blaine character?” Merlin thought he should ask.

Ravi sighed and communicated with Liv via eye contact a bit more before turning to Merlin.

“He's who turned Liv. On the night of the boat party. I think you've heard about that,”

Merlin nodded, thoughtfully.

“And at first he wanted to be friends but as it turned out, he runs a very expensive meals on wheels program for zombies,” Liv continued.

“And I had eaten a bit of Lowell's brain and eggs yesterday because there was no case to solve and I thought I'd deserve an un-murdered one. And then I saw what I saw...” she trialled off.

Merlin nodded, still trying to get his head around the fact that his friends had to eat actual human brains.

“Okay, right, so...” he looked at Liv thoughtfully.

“What do you want to do?”

She looked him straight into the eye when she said:

“One is less than many. I'm going to kill him.”

Merlin's eyebrows shot up instantly and Ravi looked positively freaked out.

“Liv, what, er, what did you do?”

She looked from Merlin to Ravi and back again.

“Oh, after I ate, well, Jerome... I had a bite of the murder victim,” she indicated the body Ravi was currently inspecting.

“Right, the ex-sniper,” Ravi sighed.

“Liv, this is not you talking.”

“No, because I would never be strong enough to go through with it.”

Merlin studied her and could see that she was serious about it.

“Liv... I don't know, you'd feel horrible after.”

“Merlin,” she pointedly looked at him and lay her hand on his shoulder.

“I'm going to hate myself for whatever I do. But if Blaine lives I also have a hundred or more murdered kids on my conscience. And I don't actually think I can handle that.”

Merlin searched her face a moment and then nodded.

“I believe you. How can I help?”

Her face softened somewhat and she smiled.

“Thank you.”

“You are both crazy,” Ravi shrieked.

“We're talking about actually killing someone, here.”

Merlin laughed.

“I might be a bit out of practise but I've won my fair share of duells in my time...”

When Liv shot him a confused look, he decided to tell her.

He had to protect those children. He had to protect his friends. He had to protect Lowell.

And his magic had never failed him before, it wouldn't fail him now.

When he had told her everything, he was sure that she didn't fully believe him but smiled anyway.

“I didn't believe in zombies either but here I am...Good, I'm going to talk to Lowell.”

Merlin nodded, already trying to come up with a plan although that never had been his strong suit. Where was Arthur when he needed him?

*

Lowell came by only a while later, having just missed Liv.

“Ah, crap. She said she wanted to talk to me...” he shrugged.

“Oh well.”

He was on his way out again, when Merlin asked:

“See you tonight?”

Lowell looked at him, confused.

“Watching a film?” Merlin reminded him although they had made the plans just that morning.

“Right, yeah,” he confirmed, not meeting Merlin's eyes.

Confused, he reached up anyway and planted a kiss on his boyfriend's (they were boyfriends, right?) lips.

Lowell shuddered a bit and then said:

“Yeah, er, awesome sauce,” punched Merlin lightly in the arm and left.

Merlin immediately turned to Ravi who looked at him with an expression of great disappointment.

“Awesome sauce and a buddy punch?”

Ravi shrugged.

“I'm sorry, have I or have I not told you that this is a horrible idea? This, as of now, is off limits lest I start lecturing you on your safety again.”

“But, last night was so great. Like, buy new underwear great and now...”

“Sorry, Merlin. Zombies, sorcerers, being undead, being immortal. These are things you can talk abut at lenghts at me. This however, relationshippy stuff? You not caring about your and Lowell's well being? No.”

He turned around and went back to examining his current patient.

Merlin's mind started reeling. Lowell wasn't so weird because he had found out about him, was he? No. He would have said something, Merlin thought. Definitely.

*

They were discussing zombie films, when Merlin tried kissing Lowell again.

This time, he shuddered properly before taking a step back.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry Merlin, I didn't want to tell you like this but er... I'm straight.”

Merlin looked at him, blinking quickly.

“What?”

“I ate a very incredibly straight brain this morning and er, kind of into breasts at the moment. I knew something was up but it wasn't until I saw Jennifer Lawrence on the cover of a magazine and the phrase big piece of yum popped into my head...” he leaned forwards, consiprationally, “I am mildly afraid of heights but I would not hesitate to climb that mountain.”

Merlin was so relieved he let it show on his face and laughed out loud.

“So, what are we supposed to do? Do, dump or date Hollywood princesses edition?”

“Do Miley Cyrus, dump Selina Gomez, date Demi Lovato. I'm sorry, should I have to think longer about that?”

Merlin laughed again before taking a sip of his bloody Mary – extra hot.

They continued to talk about everything and nothing that evening and even started to dance at one point. There wasn't much space in Merlin's little apartment but they made it work anyway. Merlin showed Lowell how to do the shopping cart and Lowell taught him the ways of the Bus driver.

All in all, Merlin had a good time and when they said goodbye, Lowell hugged him as tight as he dared and promised to find a very gay brain soon.

That night, Merlin sat on his couch and googled other fun dance moves on his laptop. He also looked up new furniture on the Ikea website. Because he felt like he had changed these past few months. And that warranted re-furnishing his life.

*

And just like it always had been and always will be, what follows after a great high, is a great low.

Merlin's great low appeared in the form of Lowell ringing his doorbell relentlessly the next morning and storming in furiously.

“How could you? How could you do that to me?”

Merlin looked at him wide eyed and a little bit scared, he had never seen Lowell loose his cool this bad.

“What, what are you on about?”

“You're a-bloody-live. You're alive, Merlin. You are a living, breathing, thing and you made me believe you were like me!”

Merlin felt a flush creep into his cheeks and the room suddenly felt suffocatingly hot.

“What?”

Lowell looked at him with a pained expression.

“Liv came by. She told me about what you two are planning. She told me about how you were this sorcerer and immortal. Merlin, I could have scratched you, you could have died!”

Merlin sat down, suddenly not able to hold himself upright.

“But you didn't... scratch me.”

Lowell continued his pacing.

“Don't ever, ever, do this again. I could have killed you. Do you have any idea what could have happened? No? Because you're immortal? What does that even mean? Because Ravi said that you had your fair share of near death experiences in the past. Which means you could, as it were, die.”

Merlin couldn’t believe he had talked to Ravi about it.

“What does it matter do you, anyway? You just saw me with my unhealthy pale complexion and just needed a fellow zombie you could screw.”

“Merlin, don't.”

“That was it, wasn't it? You saw me and thought, yes, a bloke who isn't the one who brings me my brains. Let's just try to get into his pants.”

“Merlin.”

“What? What Lowell? What do you care?”

Lowell's voice suddenly was scarily controlled when he said:

“Well first of all, I'm in love with you.”

Merlin just gaped at him, not believing what he heard.

“I love you, Merlin. And I really shouldn't say this to the man I love but I am a wuss. I'm scared of everything and more. What you deserve is someone brave, someone who puts himself into the line of fire. Which is why I told Liv that I would help you two. I called Blaine and set up a meeting with him.”

He shuffled his feet.

“But after that, you and me are done. Because it would kill me if I ever hurt you,” he slowly walked to the door and opened it.

“And I'm not Arthur Pendragon,” he said and then he was gone.

Merlin sighed and put his head in his hands. He was only pulled out of his stupor when his phone rang and Liv was on the other line telling him she had come up with a plan.

*

When Liv was searching the dead sniper's flat for clues with Clive, she had found the man's weapons. Which was why her and Merlin were perched on the roof of the building opposite from Lowell's terrace where he and Blaine were currently hanging out, having a beer, laughing.

“This is a bad idea,” Merlin mumbled while Liv continued to set up the rifle she wanted to shoot Blaine with and then hesitated, her finger hovering just above the trigger.

Merlin observed the situation for a while before he asked:

“Liv, is something wrong?”

She looked at him with a pained expression on her face.

“I think... I think I can't do it.”

Merlin felt relieved. Instantly. He didn't want her to go through any of this. He simply nodded when his phone vibrated.

What's going on?

He put one arm around Liv's shoulders, to comfort her. She kept babbling on about being weak and he just said:

“You're not weak. Killing him would be the easy option. Would be the cowards option. You're neither weak nor a coward.”

Meanwhile, he quickly texted back:

Liv can't do it.

When he looked back up again, he met Lowell's gaze on the opposite roof.

Lowell just stood there, staring at where he knew Merlin would be because he and Liv were sitting completely in the dark.

Suddenly, he raised his hand to his heart and Merlin saw him mouth the words I love you, before he turned back around again, took a large skewer from the barbecue on the edge of the terrace and turn back to Blaine.

He tried stabbing him but only managed to put it through Blaine's arm.

Merlin couldn't hear anything because of the distance and besides, there was a loud swishing noise blocking his ears.

What he saw was Blaine's furious expression and his mouth opening and closing dangerously before he held up a gun to Lowell's head and pulled the trigger.

Chapter Text

“No,” Merlin cried and without really knowing what he was doing he stopped the bullet mid-air just before it could reach Lowell's skin.

With a smooth move, he turned around so it landed in Blaine's shoulder instead. The other man cried out in pain and tried pulling the trigger again but Merlin felt his magic rush through his veins violently and with a golden flash in his eyes, the gun shot out of Blain's hand and to the other side of the terrace.

“Merlin?”

Liv was standing right beside him, trying to calm him down.

“He's safe, he's safe.”

Merlin's heartbeat went back to normal and heavily breathing, he turned around and hugged Liv tightly.

“We need to... er,” he indicated the other building and Liv just took his hand and nodded.

“Come on.”

Lowell was cowering on the edge of the terrace, eyes closed and shaking.

Merlin rushed over to him and lay a hand on his shoulder.

“Lowell. Lowell, are you okay?”

“Go away.”

“I will not.”

“I told you, I didn't want to see you anymore.”

Merlin heaved Lowell up and draped his arm around his shoulders to get him inside.

“Tough luck mate because I'm not going anywhere. Besides, you just told me you loved me, I wasn't let him kill you, was I?”

“I thought I was dead.”

Merlin could hear Liv chuckling from his other side.

“Well you're not exactly alive, are you?” she asked and her gaze softened.

“Merin is good people, Lowell. Don't cut him out.”

Lowell cleared his throat.

“What about Blaine?”

Liv just shrugged.

“He's in pain.”

Suddenly, the door to the terrace burst open and Ravi rushed through it.

“I've got it!” he called excitedly, not noticing how the atmosphere was a bit tense.

He rushed over to where Blaine lay whining and put a needle in the side of his neck.

“What is it?” Merlin asked curiously.

It couldn't be...?

They slowly observed how Blaine's hair changed colour. From his unnatural blonde to a deep brown. The skin got rosier and rosier and Merlin watched in awe as the wound where Blaine had been shot started to bleed in earnest.

Ravi watched the new development in confusion and turned to his friends.

“And you couldn't have told me about the gunshot wound before I gave him the cure?”

He quickly called and ambulance and crouched down next to him, examining the wound.

“Well, you'll live,” he said and patted Blaine's other shoulder before going back to his friends.

He smiled at them in turn and produced two more flasks of a milky-glittery liquid before turning to Merlin.

“That last spell really did the trick,” he smiled excitedly and handed the flasks to Lowell and Liv.

“Whenever you two are ready to return to the living.”

Eagerly, Lowell immediately put the needle in his arm and pressed a finger to his neck as to check for his own pulse.

His eyes widened and a tear rolled down his face.

“I can feel my pulse.”

“Let me see,” Ravi was immediately all over him, checking for his pulse and listening to his heartrate.

“Welcome back,” he laughed and hugged him once before turning to Liv, to assist her.

There was a beat of silence, before Merlin turned to Lowell.

“I know that you're not Arthur. And I'm thankful for that because otherwise this would be all kinds of weird.”

“Well,” Lowell didn't look at him and darted around nervously.

“Ravi said that was the sole reason for you to become... my fan.”

Merlin nodded.

“It was,” he cupped Lowell's cheek and made him look at him.

“And then I got to know you. And you are nothing like Arthur. And I will always, always love him. But I love you Lowell. In a different way. I love you.”

Saying it felt so right that he could have repeated it over and over again but he was cut off by Lowell:

“So, since I'm kind of, er, human again. I guess there is nothing that could hold me back from kissing you, right?”

Merlin nodded, smiling brightly.

“Absolutely nothing.”

So that's what they did. Underneath the stars, Blaine's whines seemingly very far away, the sirens of the ambulance blaring but in that moment, it was only Merlin and Lowell. The rest of the world could wait for later.

*

Lowell had to get used to his life as a proper living human again. There were so many things he thought he could never have again. He spend his first few days alive eating everything he had longed for.

Merlin watched fondly as Lowell went from restaurant to have pizza to the supermarket to buy ice cream and back again.

After a while, everything went back to normal.

Liv was back together again with Major but kept working at the morgue instead of taking up her old job as a doctor.

Merlin also stayed on and helped his friends however he could.

Afterwards, he came home to Lowell's flat, where most of his things now were anyway.

When he came home one evening, he found Lowell hovering right behind the door excitedly.

“What's going on?” Merlin asked and hung up his coat.

“I've got something for you,” Lowell mumbled and made Merlin walk into the living room area where he had prepared a proper romantic meal with candles and wine.

“Aww, Lowell,” Merlin giggled.

“More food!”

Lowell just grinned and pulled a chair out for Merlin to sit down.

Before sitting down himself, however, he turned to Merlin.

“I've got a speech.”

Feeling taken back to the time where Lowell had given him the hot sauce, Merlin laughed.

“Another one?”

“I am a man full of speeches, Merlin.”

“Good to know,” he said trying not to giggle.

“Right, so. Here goes. When I first saw you, you were the only thing in colour. I was undead and I thought you were, too and I thought that that was the main attraction. And then I got to know you. And I fell in love with you. And then Ravi comes up with this cure and I'm normal again. I can have all the things I want. I can have love, kissing, touching. And then I realise that I only want it with you. Because Merlin. I am back to normal. I'm living again. And you are still the only thing in colour. Merlin, I love you.”

Merlin had watched the stumbling delivery of that speech fondly and stood up to embrace his boyfriend.

“I love you, too,” he mumbled into his neck and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

“But I'm starving. Where the food at?”

Lowell laughed and pecked Merlin on the lips.

“Normal, brain-less lasagne coming right up.”

Merlin really couldn't believe his luck. He was drowning and flailing for so many years, for so many centuries. And now, he had finally arrived at the shore.