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Spoke was rotting from the inside out. He never realised it or rather, he never acknowledged it. He always refused to accept the truth, thinking that if he just pushed the lie far enough it would save everyone including himself.
In reality, the very thing he once saw as a saviour turned against him and ruined him beyond repair. He can't stop now, he can't back down because if he does.. It will all catch up to him.
It all began when his former best friend first showed him the exploits. They used to spend time together, trying to figure out things no one on the server had any idea about. He planted the seed of need... A need for power specifically.
Since then, he wanted to control everything around him, beginning with half-truths and eventually trying to take down the mafia. That's when he met someone named Ashswag - The invisible mafia leader. When he finally got defeated he compared the two of them, he said that they were the same and that he used to act exactly like him. Spoke remembers how absurd it felt, listening to him... But now, looking at his own, new army... Deep down he knows that Ash was right...Yet he still tries to refuse it hoping that maybe he is doing the right thing. But who is he lying to... Spoke wants to push his fingers deep into the universe's flesh just like a snake pushes its fangs into its victim. He wants to spread his venom and he wants it to hurt.
Because snakes aren't portrayed as the animals who are forced to kill in order to survive. They're seen as the creatures who lie and deceive purposely to poison and murder...
The universe has created them to kill, why are they the ones to blame?
That's why Spoke hated the universe so much. No one has ever wondered what the reason behind them hurting others was. Humans blindly blame snakes and portray them as evil, but don't other animals do the same?
It's unfair how people choose who gets to be "good" or "bad". Why are his actions portrayed as evil. Nobody understands what he had gone through..! Humankind doesn't have the right to make an animal a symbol of betrayal when all it did was try to stay alive...
Sometimes he thinks about how the things were back then. He and Mapicc destroying bases without a worry. He doesn't miss it though. It's useless to think about the past, what matters is the present and the future. He doesn't have the right to regret, not after he windcharged his best friend of that platform. Yet he still thinks, remembers all the good memories that they made together. His smile and the way he felt around him.. Like he was finally in the right place.
He wanted it back.
JamatoP... His greatest enemy cut him open and took his anatomy away, forming him into his own creation. Why does he judge him now? Why does he think that Spoke is evil?
But.. Who was spoke without them.. Without Mapicc, without... Jamato... Without his precious control... Who was he..? Empty..and this time not because he was a voidling, but because there was nothing else left of him besides the hatred he felt.
Despite everything, Jamato is right. He is a snake, but not the one who lied to Adam and Eve and got them banished from heaven. He isn't who everyone thinks he is.
No matter what he does, he always ends up ruining himself. No matter how hard he tries, how much he sacrifices... It always ends up the same. This time will be different.
This world doesn't deserve anything good, nor does he... But maybe if everyone else was miserable, he would be the only one happy, and maybe he would finally rise and rule and control. Maybe then he would finally have the right to judge and separate good from bad...
Power... He wants it so badly... He will do anything to get it back. He will kill and burn the part of himself that failed to protect what he needed most.
There is nothing left to protect, there is nothing left to care about, and Spoke really didn't give a fuck about what would happen now.
He could feel his insides decomposing inside of him as his skin started becoming bloated.