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English
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Published:
2016-12-29
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Just one night is okay

Summary:

Eren's allowed to cry for one night.

Notes:

This is kinda shit I'm sorry. Enjoy though.

Work Text:

Any normal person would call him a “problematic, rebellious teenager.” In fact, any person in general would call him that. Maybe it's what he was, but no one else knew his internal struggle. Eren constantly had to cope with the fact that his friends and comrades would or already have died. He also watched his mother’s death, right before his eyes, and his father was missing. You could argue that that could and has happened to anyone in the Scouts, and Eren knew he was no different in that respect. Having the title “Humanity’s Last Hope” proved that he had something special in him, and had many more burdens than most.

 

Eren never asked to have the ability to shift into a Titan. He also never asked to be born, either. At least not inside this wretched wall.

 

There was no room for complaints or getting emotional over anything. Eren’s anger had been let loose a couple times, but it was hard to hold it back. What no one realized was that it was one monstrous ball of all his emotions that got compressed into infuriation. He also had pent up anger directed at himself. He felt responsible for the death of his mother, for all the citizens that died because he couldn't plug the hole in the wall fast enough. It was all his fau-
“Eren.”
At the sound of his name, the 15 year old whipped his head around. His shock made the tears forming in his eyes vanish, but he still flushed in embarrassment.
“Eren,” the deep voice repeated. “What are you doing?” Levi’s bored expression held the slightest bit of concern. Eren came to his senses, realizing his teeth were clenched and hands curled into tight fists. He relaxed his body as much as he could, his jaw and fingers aching.

 

Switching to a poker face, Eren looked at the captain and replied smoothly, “Nothing. Do you need something?”

 

Well, he thought he said it smoothly.

 

He hadn't let any tears fall, except maybe a surprise one, but his voice crack implied he was going to. Eren gulped, hoping to exterminate some of the dry and tightness in his throat. Levi just simply stared at the Titan shifter, and Eren was convinced they were having a staring contest. Finally, Levi nodded his head towards the stairs and ordered Eren to follow.

 

“But sir, the door is loc- oh,” he lazily began to state before pushing the door to his “room” open with ease. Levi must have unlocked it when he was in his own world of self hatred. The boy climbed the stairs, a few steps behind the black haired captain. As they traveled through the halls, Eren noted that everyone must be in their quarters, with the exception of the few scramblers left cleaning. Which brought him to thinking what was Levi going to do with him?

 

The pair continued to walk down corridors and up stairs. Eventually, Eren felt the outside air hit his body as the door leading to the roof opened. The warmth of the summer was accompanied by a small breeze, making the air feel just right.

 

“Ca-Captain?” Eren tried to start up.

 

“Levi,” the deep voice replied without looking back. He knew the younger boy was giving him an odd look, though.
“Just call me Levi tonight.” He walked over to the edge and sat down, waiting for Eren to follow his lead. Even as he did, Levi kept staring at the night sky, the stars glittering in his eyes. He could still tell Eren was tense, though, and he felt the apology coming before it did.

 

“I'm not mad.”

 

“...what?” Eren asked, terribly confused about this whole night so far.

 

“I didn't bring you up here to scold you. There's nothing to scold you for. But I think you're mad.. At yourself, at the world, at the Titans. Maybe even at your dad.” Eren just stared in shock. Was he that readable?

 

“And I wanted to let you know that… That's okay. You're only 15 and you feel like your earth was shattered five years ago. Am I right?” the Squad Leader explained further, turning to look at Eren now.

 

Eren was still in shock, his jaw slack, before he snapped it shut and nodded.

 

Levi sighed. This kid talked all the time. He chose now to be quiet?

 

He leaned back on his hands and thought for a moment.
“Taking anger out and driving it towards Titan slaying is good.. For the most part. Too much will send you in a blind rage and you'll wind up dead. But it's also not good for yourself off the battlefield. You're going to fry your tiny brain with your reckless emotions. You've.. You've done a decent job keeping them in check and not showing how much you actually feel, but you can't push everything down. Not like you have enough to cause this, but if you eat too much food, it all harshly comes out one end, right? That'll happen with your thoughts and your feelings. At your age, you experience everything twenty times worse. I don't know how much I can help, but..” Was he really going to say this? He couldn't deny the bit of affection he had for the younger boy. Levi even thought it'd be better to limit his time with him to push his own feelings down, but now he was offering him more time with Levi? “..if you ever need to talk or be granted permission to leave your cell, call for me. Alright?”

 

Eren felt pathetic. He let himself slip up and someone noticed his internal struggle. On top of that, his emotionless captain brought him out on a beautiful night to talk to him about it. No matter how incredibly hard he tried to stop himself, he felt tears welling up inside his eyes. Sure, maybe he was pathetic, but it was really nice have someone show he cared. What made it even more special was the fact that it was Levi- the man he looked up to for as long as he remembered and started to develope forbidden feelings for. One of his emotional conflicts was that he felt certain ways towards Levi, but never had a way to solve it. Now, as he talked to Eren, he felt several weights lifted off his shoulders.

 

“Don't just gawk, brat. Didn't I say to not push your feelings down?” Levi’s velvety voice reminded Eren. So, he let go. For the next half hour, Eren released a range of loud, shaky sobs to silent tears staining Levi’s shoulder. Between sniffles, he'd rant about how he wished he was nicer to his mom, how- from his few, faded memories- his father started acting weird and crazy, how he felt saving Armin from the Titan’s stinky mouth. Whatever he needed to say was said.

 

In the end, the pair of Scouts stayed together on the roof, gazing up at the dark blue sky. Eren had his head gently perched on the shorter man’s shoulder and his hand underneath the latter’s. The two of them were the most content they had been in a long while, and they weren't willing to let it go yet.