Chapter Text
“Maybe…maybe we’ll meet in a bar!” Kaminari sang, his voice a higher pitch than usual. To Jirou’s hypersensitive ears, it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. It made her want to rip out her remaining ear-bud and chuck it at Kaminari’s face. They were in the middle of a round of Steal a Brainrot, a game he begged her try. 10 minutes in, she wanted to delete her Roblox account. No. She wanted to chuck her phone out the window, if she heard the words, “Bombandiro Crocadillo” or “Tung Tung Sahuur” one more fucking time. And now Kaminari was singing. Great.
“We’ll drive a funky,” Kaminari paused. Jirou looked up from her phone screen, face awfully impassive, though she was curious as to why he paused his intense gameplay chasing after the mystical strawberry cow brainrot to stare her dead in the eyes with his empty looking gaze. Maybe he’d say something… sweet for once. Romantic. Jirou peeped a small smile. Yeah, that would be nice.
“… eeeeEEEUUUUugHHHHHh,” Kaminari exclaimed, and suddenly green snot trailed down his nostril and chin and just barely stained the collar of his thrifted y2k polyester acne studios stussy t-shirt. Jirou… honestly? She could only stare. Not in disgust, no. Just pure shock. “I think that song is made by Oliver Tree or something!”
Just like that, Kaminari was glued to his phone screen again. The green snot that once covered his face was no longer there, and instead he was hunting down brainrots like crazy.
What. Jirou… was sure she hadn’t hallucinated the snot! It was right there, neon green! Sure it was 2 am, and they were huddled up alone in the dark dorm commons area, but she wasn’t crazy! Also, Jirou prided herself on being a huge music fanatic, and knew Denki was too, it was one of the main reasons they bonded in the first place. The song was written by Janet Jackson! Denki would know that! Right… right?
“Why… why’d you say…” Jirou paused, “ eh? ”
“Look,” Kaminari exited Roblox and pulled up Tikok, first swiping away from a Haley Welch thirst trap. “Look, wait that’s the wrong… WAIT LOOK!”
She stared at the McDonald’s ad, and once it hit the part where the song was supposed to say ‘funky car,’ an edit transition happened. Of a fucking Big Mac, and Kaminari’s eyes glowed with youthful optimism she hadn’t seen even when he was short-circuited and checked the fuck out.
“Funky eeEuuuUUUUGHHhh!”
AGAIN WITH THE GREEN SNOT!
“Kaminari.” Jirou set her phone down, and turned to face him. She watched as the snot dissolved into nothingness. Weird. Ok. She’s seen worse things in her life. Like Mirio shaking ass in front of Shigaraki. Right. Breathe in, breathe out. It’s fine. He’s probably… intoxicated or something. Kaminari wouldn’t believe this bullshit. He wasn’t like the MHA Gacha communities fanon interpretation. He was a dingus, sure, but Jirou knew he was very clever… sometimes. And that made her very fond of him.
So this HAD to be a fluke.
She grabbed his wrists, and forced his dilated pupils to meet her eyes.
“Kaminari.” She said, through gritted teeth. “What. Is. Going. On.”
Kaminari suddenly stood up, tearing his wrists away and staring down at her with anger… burning anger in a kettle.
“Don’t make me do the obsession dance.”
“Obsession??! The movie —”
Suddenly, Denki whipped his head to the side, and stared straight into the darkness, as if he was breaking the fourth wall in a movie. But Jirou was pretty sure this was a fanfic. Wait. What!
“Happy birthday Daniel.”
“WHO’S DANIEL!”
Then, he snapped his head back, took a seat, and shuffled closer to her. Jirou watched him, mouth agape.
“Hey Jirou, let’s go watch Haskells live stream,” Kaminari exited out of his Tiktok app (thank god) and opened up twitch. “I’m pretty sure him and diddybop are trying the Crumbl dirty soda’s!”
What. The. Absolute. FUCK. Was Kaminari saying??? Jirou would feel angry if that wasn’t shadowed by her absolute concern. She stood up, yanked Kaminari’s phone straight out of his hands and threw it across the living room commons. It landed with a crack. Then, silence.
“All I gotta say is that…” Kaminari paused. He took Jirou’s hands, staring into her eyes… he leaned forward. Her breathe hitched.
“You gotta stay reaaaal quiet on the creek.”