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Second-Guessing

Summary:

Facty Boy struggles with the idea of possibly being gay while having internalized homophobia and lingering catholic guilt

Notes:

This is my first (actual) fanfiction ever hello

Chapter 1: Paper in the Gift Bag

Chapter Text

It had been a few hours after recording their newest video, Facty, Lightbulb, and Martian had all been at home for said hours. The house was quiet, very quiet; each household member had been up to their own devices. Nobody had a problem with this, sometimes it was best to have alone time away from each other.

Martian had been trying to create a mini U.F.O model from pipe-cleaners and yarn, lightbulb had been editing their video to make it as entertaining as possible. Facty, on the more relatable hand, had been scrolling on his phone until it died.

Things have been confusing for him lately, and it took up quite a bit of mind-space; so much so that it caused recording to take longer than usual. He’d never speak up about it to Martian or Lightbulb; he couldn’t do that to himself,, the whole thing just felt so embarrassing.

Recently, he had been flirting with the idea of.. possibly.. being into guys..? In preface,
he had hoped it was just an idea and not a reality.

The idea had come from a few nights ago, when Facty had a very suggestive dream about a guy he became friends with when he was younger at church camp. The friend was a noteably shorter than Facty, at around 5’9”(175cm), had tanner skin than him, and had naturally black hair with frosted tips; Facty, at the time, thought it was the coolest thing ever.

From meditating on the thought, he realized he was no longer 13 years old at summer camp, nor had he any idea where his friend had gone; now, he was laying in a bed in a house he shared with two other people, recording videos to make ends meet.

And so he lied there, it had already been five minutes since his phone had died, his only form of entertainment being thoughts that spiraled in his head. It felt like nothing around him could comfort him from his own misery.

“No! I can’t let myself sit here in sulk!” Facty’s happy go-lucky personality finally made a break-through from the dread he’d been experiencing. “I’m gonna get up! And distract myself!”

As he said he would, Facty got up and looked for things around his room that would keep him distracted; he refrained from disturbing the others, since the atmosphere implied that it was everyone’s alone time at the moment.

After putting his phone back on the charger, he began looking through his closet. “Gosh this place is like an enlarged version of Mary Poppin’s bag!” he joked with himself as he pushed through the mounds of hung clothes and socks.

Eventually, he had found—what appears to be—a decade old gift bag with two pandas on the front of it, hugging each other, inside were crumpled up sheets of notebook paper, and the top half of a heart-shaped box of chocolates that had been angrily scribbled on.

Facty pulled out the gift bag and started at it blankly for around a minute; during that minute, it felt like the world around him was inexplicably closing in, like this bag had something heavy tied back to it.

“W-why is this.. what..? I-.. mm..?” He tried thinking out-loud, in hopes of subconsciously spewing out the answer to his question. When nothing worked, he opened the bag and took out one of the few papers inside.

Upon opening it, he read the first line; “Hey Facty, it’s me, and I know your mom-“. Facty gripped the paper instinctually, he recognized this hand writing, yet… he’s never seen this letter before..?