Actions

Work Header

A Letter From Westchester

Summary:

Months after leaving New York, Jean Grey has finally found somewhere safe. Somewhere she might even call home.
There is only one person she still feels the need to tell.
Peter saved her life. She saw his memories, his grief, and everything he had lost. She left before she could say goodbye.
Now, sitting miles away with a letter she has spent hours trying to send, Jean realizes that thanking Peter for saving her life is easy.

Admitting she hasn't stopped thinking about him is harder.

Work Text:

The city had finally begun to quiet by the time Peter made it home.

Even at this hour, there were still distant horns filtering between the buildings, the occasional rumble of a passing truck, voices drifting up from the street below, and the sirens he had grown so accustomed to that he barely noticed them anymore.”.

Tonight, though, they were background noise.

He slid the window open, the old frame rattling in its track, and slipped inside. The air was stale. He shed his mask first, the cool air a welcome shock against his face. The suit followed, pulled free with a tired familiarity that came from having done it more times than he could count. Once he was out of it, the fatigue he'd managed to ignore during patrol settled heavily across his body. All he wanted was a glass of water and four hours of sleep before his alarm screamed at him to go be a normal person.

His shoulders ached too.

The soreness had settled into his muscles. It was the kind of ache that reminded him that even his body still had limits. He rolled one shoulder and winced before tossing the mask onto the desk, running a hand through his hair, and exhaling slowly.

He rubbed at the ache lingering along his thigh before letting his eyes wander briefly across the bedroom. That's when he noticed an envelope.

It had been pushed underneath the threshold, resting just inside the apartment where the hallway light barely reached.

Peter stopped.

For a second, he assumed it was junk mail. Bills. An advertisement. Something he had forgotten to retrieve from the hallway.

Then he noticed that there was no company logo, no return label printed in the corner, no insignia that would have made it immediately recognizable.

Just an ordinary cream-colored envelope.

And his name.

Peter crouched and picked it up. His eyes moved across the front.

Peter Parker

He turned it over.

There was a return address in the upper-left corner.

1407 Graymalkin Lane
Salem Center, Westchester County, New York

He didn't recognize the address. He turned the envelope over again. Then his eyes stopped on the name beneath the address.

Jean G.

For several seconds, he simply stared.

He hadn't heard from her since she left New York. Not a call. Not a message. Nothing.

He had wondered where she had gone, especially during those first few weeks. Whether she had made it somewhere safe. Whether Damage Control had found her. Whether she was still running.

Eventually, life had filled the spaces where those questions had been. Or at least he'd convinced himself it had. And now her name was sitting in his hand.

Peter looked toward the door as though the person who had sent it might somehow still be standing on the other side. But nobody was there.

He looked down again. The envelope was sealed. His thumb moved along the edge.

He hesitated.

There was something strangely intimate about holding it. Not because it was a letter, but because it was from her.

Peter slipped a finger beneath the flap and carefully opened it, the paper giving a faint, papery crack as the seal separated. He held the envelope in one hand as he crossed the small distance to his desk, pulling the chair out with his free hand before lowering himself into it. The old chair gave a quiet creak beneath his weight, and Peter leaned back for a moment, the envelope resting loosely between his fingers.

He looked at it again.

Whatever was inside had been written by Jean. For some reason, that realization made him hesitate longer than it should have.

Peter finally tipped the envelope toward himself and carefully slid his fingers inside. Several folded pages emerged, their edges catching briefly against the paper before he eased them free. He placed the envelope on the desk and unfolded the pages across the surface in front of him, smoothing one corner with his fingertips as the creases opened beneath his hands.

At the top was a single word:

Peter,

He stared at it.

Then he began to read.


Peter,

I don't really know how to start this.

I've thought about writing to you a few times since I left. More times than I probably want to admit. I thought about calling, but I don't have your number, and even if I did, I wasn't sure I should.

So I figured a letter was easier. It gives me time to say what I actually mean.

First, I wanted to know how you're doing.

I know that's probably a strange thing to hear from me after disappearing the way I did. Staying wasn't really an option.

Damage Control was still looking for me. If I had stayed in New York, they would've kept coming. Maybe not that night, maybe not the next day, but eventually. And I didn't want you caught in the middle of that because of me. So I left.

Before I did, I stayed long enough to know you were going to be okay.

I wasn't sure if leaving was the right thing to do. I'm still not entirely sure. But I needed somewhere I could breathe without constantly wondering who was going to find me.

I've found somewhere like that. It's a school, although I don't think that's the best word for it. There are people here who are like me. Not exactly like me. Everyone is different. Some of them can do things I can't even begin to understand, and some of them have abilities that make mine seem almost simple by comparison. But they know what it's like to have something about themselves that other people don't understand.

The person who runs this place is a lot like me. Not in the obvious ways. He's different from me in almost every way you could name. But he understands what it's like to have something inside your head that other people can't see. He understands what it means to live with abilities that can affect the people around you.

More than that, he listens. He doesn't tell me what I should be. He doesn't try to make decisions for me. He just seems to understand. I think I needed that more than I realized. I think maybe you would understand him too. I'm not sure if that's why I'm writing to you, but it probably has something to do with it.

I also wanted to thank you.

You saved my life. I know you probably don't want me to make a big deal about it, but I don't know how to pretend it wasn't one.

I remember what happened. And I remember thinking that you might not make it because you had decided that my life was worth protecting. You didn't know me well enough to owe me anything. And you still did it. I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I keep thinking about when I went into your mind. I know that probably isn't something most people would want someone to remember, but I do. I remember what I saw. I remember how much you loved your aunt and your friends. I remember the guilt. The part of you that kept insisting you had to carry everything yourself because that was what you were supposed to do.

And I remember when I told you that I had no one. You told me that I had you.

I know we hadn't known each other very long. Maybe that's why it sounds strange. Maybe everything happened too quickly for either of us to really understand what it was. But I don't think what we had was nothing. I don't think it was only because we were both scared. When I was in your mind, I saw what you had lost. I saw how much your aunt meant to you, and how much her loss still hurt. It felt like you understood something about me without me having to explain it, just as I understood something about you. I haven't forgotten that.

I hope you're doing okay. I hope your friends are too. I know how much they mean to you. I know what it's like to wish you could go back and change something, even when you know you can't. So I won't pretend I don't understand why you still think about them.

But I know you love them. Especially her. It was probably one of the clearest things I saw when I was in your mind. Whatever happens, I hope, eventually, you're happy.

If I ever come back to New York, and if you want me to, I can try to restore their memories. I don't know if that's something you would actually want. Maybe you've decided that it's better to leave things alone. Maybe you've started building something new. If that's the case, I won't interfere.

I don't know if I'll be back. Things are different here, and for the first time in a long time, I think I might have found somewhere I can stay without feeling like I'm waiting for the next thing to go wrong.

That's still strange for me to say. And maybe that's why I'm writing to you now. Because part of me feels guilty for finding that. You lost people. I lost people. And somehow, I've ended up somewhere surrounded by people who understand me while you're still carrying everything by yourself.

I don't want you to think that you have to do that.

You don't. You don't have to come here because you saved me. You don't owe me a visit. You don't owe me anything. But if you ever want to get away from New York for a little while, you can come here. You wouldn't be alone. There are people here who would understand you. And I think you'd like it here. I think the person who runs this place would like you, too. He has a way of making people feel like they don't have to explain themselves before they're allowed to belong. I think you'd appreciate that.

I'd like to see you again.

I don’t want the last thing between us to be a gunshot. I didn't want the last thing you remembered about me to be me leaving without saying goodbye. So this is me saying it now.

Goodbye, Peter.

Take care of yourself. And please don't make me hear about you getting shot again. Once was enough.

I'm glad you're still here.

— Jean


The letter had been finished for hours, but Jean still hadn't brought herself to seal the envelope.

The pages were folded carefully into thirds, the cream-colored envelope waiting beside them beneath the warm circle of light cast by a nearby lamp. Outside, evening had settled over the small town, leaving the streets beneath a deepening blue that gradually swallowed the last traces of daylight. Beyond the window, storefronts were beginning to close for the early evening, their signs glowing softly against the darkening sky as cars passed along the street in unhurried intervals.

But Jean’s attention remained focused on the envelope.

She had gone through more than one envelope before finally settling on the version beside her.

Peter Parker.

Nothing else. No indication of what was inside.

She settled back against the wooden bench, her shoulders resting lightly against the worn backrest as she studied it. Her hands rested loosely in her lap, the envelope sitting untouched beside her. A strand of auburn hair had fallen across her cheek, and she absently tucked it behind her ear, only for another loose section to slip forward a moment later. She didn't bother fixing it this time.

Her expression was difficult to read.

There was the slightest furrow between her brows. Her eyes remained on the envelope, but they had lost their focus, drifting beyond the paper and into memories she had been trying not to revisit.

She remembered the way his body had reacted to the bullet before his mind had caught up with it, the pain crossing his face despite his attempt to hide it. She remembered the fear that had followed, immediate and visceral, cutting through everything else that had been happening around them.

And she remembered thinking that he might die because of her.

Jean closed her eyes.

Peter.

His breathing.

She had stayed long enough to make sure it steadied. Long enough to know he could breathe without her help. Long enough to know he was going to survive. Then she had left. She had told herself that was the right thing to do. And at the time, it had been.

Then she opened her eyes.

Jean leaned back again, crossing her arms loosely over her chest.

She could simply leave the letter here. She could put it away. She could decide that enough time had passed and that Peter had moved on. Maybe he had. Maybe that would be easier. There was a chance he didn't want to hear from her. A chance he had decided that whatever had happened between them belonged to that strange, violent period of his life and should remain there.

Jean understood that. At least, she wanted to.

But then she remembered the way he had looked at her when she told him she had no one, and he told her she had him.

She had been inside his mind. She had seen what he carried. The people he loved. The guilt. The loneliness. All of it. And at the time, she had believed the words because they had felt true.

Her eyes lowered to the letter.

She had written everything she needed to say. An apology. A thank-you. An explanation. A way of telling him that she had found somewhere safe. An invitation. And, beneath all of it, something she had struggled to admit even to herself. She wanted him to know that she hadn't forgotten him.

Jean slid the folded pages inside.

For a moment, she simply held the open flap between her fingers. Then, after another long moment, she peeled away the protective strip and sealed the envelope.

The sound was almost nothing. Just paper pressing against adhesive.

She turned the envelope over. Her eyes lingered on his name once more.

Peter Parker.

She could still change her mind. She could tear it open. She could burn it. She could put it somewhere and forget about it.

Instead, she stood. Jean adjusted the front of her coat, slipping the envelope securely beneath it and pressing the fabric closed with one hand to make sure it was concealed. She gave the bench one last glance before turning and walking away.

Jean stepped onto the sidewalk and pulled her coat a little tighter around herself. A few pedestrians moved along the sidewalks, their conversations fading as they passed. Cars rolled through the intersections, tires whispering over the pavement, while the glow from shop windows stretched across the sidewalk in uneven patches of light.

She walked without much thought, one hand resting inside her coat near the envelope.

The post office was only a few blocks away.

She could have mailed the letter from somewhere else. She could have found a mailbox and dropped it in without having to think about it any further.

Instead, she had decided to come here.

Her boots carried her steadily down the sidewalk, her auburn hair moving gently with the breeze. Under the streetlights, the copper tones caught briefly against the darkness before falling back into shadow. Her face remained thoughtful, uncertain, her eyes occasionally dropping toward the pocket where the letter rested.

She slowed when the post office came into view.

The building was modest, its brick exterior softened by the warm light spilling through the front windows. A few cars sat along the curb, and the glass doors reflected the street behind her as she approached.

Her hand slipped into her coat. She pulled out the envelope. For several seconds, she simply stood there, staring at it. Her thumb moved slowly across the edge.

Then she thought about the day she'd left New York. Peter lying there. His breathing finally steady beneath the panic that had threatened to consume everything. The relief she had felt when she knew he was going to live.

She looked down at the envelope. Then she opened the door and stepped inside.

The post office was nearly empty. A few rows of plastic chairs sat beneath the windows. Behind the counter, a middle-aged postal clerk with tired eyes and a faded stain on his uniform pocket moved methodically through a small stack of envelopes, barely looking up as Jean approached.

Jean walked toward the counter. For a moment, she simply stood there with the letter in her hand.

The clerk looked at her. "Mailing something?"

Jean glanced down at the envelope, then back up. "Yeah."

She slid it across the counter.

The clerk picked it up, reviewed the address, and placed it with the other outgoing mail.

And just like that, it was gone.

Jean's fingers remained against the counter for another second before she slowly pulled them away.

Thanking someone for saving your life was simple. Admitting that you had continued thinking about them afterward was not.

She glanced toward the envelope one last time before it disappeared beneath the stack.

Whatever happened next was no longer entirely hers to decide. Peter would receive the letter. He would read it. And then he would choose what to do with it.

For the first time that evening, Jean allowed herself to stop worrying about the answer.

She tucked her hands into her coat pockets and stepped back outside, the cool air brushing against her face as the doors closed behind her. She stood on the sidewalk for a moment, watching the reflection of the post office lights in the darkened glass.

And somewhere, far beyond this quiet town, Peter would eventually open it.

Jean turned and began walking back down the street, her expression softer now, carrying with her the strange, nervous hope that perhaps this wasn't goodbye after all.