Work Text:
It was a regular day. Or at least, as regular as a day in space could be.
Rhodonite was mapping out coordinates, the Rutile twins were piloting the ship, Fluorite was enjoying the ride, Padparadscha was strangely quiet as she stood near Lars’ chair, and Lars was sitting in his chair and overseeing everything.
Wait.
Padparadscha was strangely quiet.
Usually, the orange sapphire had some sort of “prediction” to offer. But she had barely uttered a word all day.
Granted, nothing had really happened yet that might warrant a “prediction”. Still though, Lars found it a bit weird and potentially worrying.
He looked down at her, and his worry only grew when he noticed that instead of the small, serene smile the short Gem usually wore, her face was wrinkled into a frown.
That couldn't be good.
It was official, Lars needed to do something.
“Padparadscha, you okay?” the captain asked.
She didn't answer, being a bit too consumed with her own thoughts to have heard.
Not pleasant thoughts, of course. Because why would they be?
For some reason, she had started to remember everything she had gone through. And how she was often seen as a result of her delayed predictions. She had grown all too used to being seen as slow or dumb. While perfect sapphires were seen as valuable for their foresight, Padparadscha was seen as unneeded at best and defective at worst for her hindsight.
Which had led to her being mostly on her own until she met the other Off Colors and they formed their little group.
And it had also led to her wondering if she was even any good to the team. That and wondering if any of them secretly held the same beliefs that she had heard so many times.
She knew logically that they would never view her negatively, not when they had their own imperfections. But it didn't stop her from wondering.
Lars watched her, growing more anxious. “Padparadscha?” He waved a hand in front of her face.
The orange sapphire blinked, then looked up to see him. “Oh! Sorry, Captain Lars. What were you saying?”
“I was asking if you were okay,” the pink boy responded.
Of course he noticed.
Padparadscha forced a smile. “Yes, of course!”
Lars gave her a doubtful look.
Her fake smile fell.
“Something's wrong,” Lars noted. It wasn't a question.
“Well, yes. You are correct. But I will refrain from informing you of what it is.”
“Why?”
Padparadscha looked up at him. “You already have enough to worry about since you're the one in charge. So why would I add on to it with such a trivial matter?”
Lars looked down at her, feeling a stab of empathy for the way she invalidated her obvious despondence. It reminded him all too much of himself. “Counterpoint, it's my job as the leader to look out for you all. And last I checked, that includes you. Plus, whatever's bothering you can't really be that trivial if it's made you look this sad.”
Padparadscha fell silent. She couldn't really argue the truth in the captain’s words. He was always looking out for every single member of the crew. And despite the way she had tried to downplay her problem, it really didn't feel small to her.
Lars got up from his elevated chair and sat on the ground to be more eye level with the short Gem. “You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I want you to know that you can. I'll listen.”
Padparadscha looked at him, thinking about it. “Well, if you're sure.”
“I am,” Lars assured her.
That got a small smile out of the Gem, which Lars was silently relieved to see.
“We’ll listen, too,” came a voice.
Lars and Padparadscha looked up to see Rhodonite walking over, followed by Fluorite and the Rutile twins. They all took a seat next to the orange sapphire and pink captain.
Padparadscha looked around at the group surrounding her and tried to gather up the courage to ask the question.
Theoretically, this shouldn't have been so difficult. She had been with the other Gems for a long time now. They had bonded over their senses of unbelonging in a strict society, kept each other's secrets, defended each other through every struggle, relied on each other, and stuck together through thick and thin, always citing their motto.
And while Padparadscha hadn't known Lars for that long compared to the history she had with the other Off Colors, she had also grown to trust him. He had proven to be a caring and dependable leader, one who was simultaneously firm and compassionate despite his previous reluctance to claim the role as leader of the crew. And one who, while he was usually more hesitant to share his own issues, was always willing to listen when one of them needed to talk about something.
They all gazed at her, waiting to see what she would say but also not forcing her.
Padparadscha took a deep breath and finally began to speak. “Sometimes I wonder what good I am to this group, if any.”
Lars blinked in shock while the other Off Colors offered looks of empathy, having each wondered similar things about themselves before.
The captain looked over at her. “Why do you say that?”
Padparadscha looked away from everyone, instead focusing on her hands. “Because my predictions aren't even really predictions. I'm always sharing them too late because I see them happen too late. And by that point, I'm just stating the obvious. Am I even any good to this crew?”
Lars thought about her words for a minute, then a memory of when she had helped him came to mind. “That doesn't mean your words are useless, though. Or that you are. Because you're not. And of course you're good for us.”
“How?”
“Well, remember that time I was trying to start the ship and had no idea why I couldn't? Until you said something, I didn't even notice that I had been pressing the wrong button.”
“Maybe, but you probably would've figured it out eventually.”
“Maybe I would've. But you were the one who helped in that moment. It was thanks to you that I was able to start the ship.”
Padparadscha didn't look convinced. Her gaze remained glued to the ground.
Lars gave the other Off Colors a look, silently conveying the message “help me out here, guys”. He hoped they'd do a better job at reassuring Padparadscha than he was.
Rhodonite nodded at him and scooted a little closer to the small Gem. “Hey, Paddy?”
She looked up at the fusion she called her longtime friend.
Rhodonite held her gaze. “The captain’s right, you were the one who helped that time. And there have been other times, too. I'm not even just talking about your visions.”
“Like what?” Padparadscha’s voice was low.
“Well…” Rhodonite gave her a little smile. “Think about all the times we've had to escape some other Gems.”
Padparadscha tilted her head, wondering where this was going.
Another memory came to Rhodonite’s mind. “Oh, hey! Remember one of the first times after we became a group that we all had to escape some of those robots?”
Padparadscha nodded.
“I remember being worried that we wouldn't escape. Or worse, that we'd get separated,” Rhodonite continued.
“I remember that,” one of the Rutile twins commented.
“Yeah. You were freaked out, even for you,” the other twin added.
Rhodonite side-eyed the twins.
“Oh, yes! I remember,” Padparadscha confirmed.
Rhodonite looked down at her. “It was you who calmed me down, you know.”
Padparadscha blinked.
Rhodonite nodded. “Remember how the two of us were hiding together while the others were fighting? You noticed I was scared, and you started trying to calm me down.”
Padparadscha thought back to that time. It was true, Rhodonite had been really worried (even for her). The shorter Gem hadn't thought she was doing anything outstanding. She had just gone up to the taller Gem, listened to her share her worries, reassured her that everything would be okay, and told her that it was okay to be scared.
Padparadscha looked at Rhodonite. “I helped you that much?”
Rhodonite nodded. “Of course you did.”
Padparadscha finally smiled a little.
Rhodonite returned the smile.
“And just because your visions are late doesn't mean they aren't helpful,” one of the Rutile twins pointed out.
Padparadscha switched her gaze over.
“They still function as a regular Sapphire’s visions would in pretty much every way except for being late,” the same twin continued.
“So with that in mind, you could look back at a situation and see a lot of different paths it could've taken. And you see where we might've gone wrong and figure out what to do better next time,” the other twin added.
Those words cast an air of thoughtfulness over the whole group.
“Y’know, the twins are right,” Lars chimed in, glancing over at the small orange sapphire. “It's a good skill to have, looking back at a situation to see where improvements could be made and then applying those improvements."
Padparadscha nodded quietly, mulling over the Rutile twin's words. Then she looked at the others. “That's actually a really good point.”
“See? Now you're starting to acknowledge your importance.” Rhodonite grinned.
“As…you…should,” Fluorite spoke up. “You…matter…to…all…of…us.”
“Yeah. Even putting aside the ways your powers help us, you matter to us because you're our friend. You don't have to try to be someone extraordinary, you're enough because you're you,” Lars added.
Padparadscha began to smile a bit more.
Lars was silently relieved to know that something he'd said had helped her, too. Maybe it meant he was finally getting the hang of the whole “comforting people” thing that he used to struggle so much with.
“Do you believe us now?” one of the Rutile twins asked.
“I'm starting to,” Padparadscha answered honestly, the smile still on her face.
“Good,” the other twin said, ruffling her hair.
Padparadscha laughed, not minding the touch at all.
Lars and the rest of the Off Colors stayed by the orange sapphire a bit longer, making sure that she really was okay and not just saying it to alleviate their worry.
But at least she was smiling and talking again, so that was a good sign.
Padparadscha found herself feeling much better than she had all day. She wondered how she had ever doubted her friends when they had all been so quick to reassure her.
Actually, she did know.
Sometimes, insecurity just got the best of her despite her efforts and despite knowing how much the others cared about her.
It was just yet another thing she had in common with her companions: good old insecurity.
But they all stuck together, and Padparadscha couldn't be more thankful for that. She really did have the best friends in the galaxy.