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Mikey Way knew this was a long time coming.
Him, Ray, face to face, inches apart.
Days, weeks, months even.. Maybe years. Maybe they were always meant to end up here, since the day they met.
It had been written in the way they started confiding in each other more than in other people. In the way their fingers, shoulders, or even their knees would brush during movie night. In them making time to study together despite being in different grades. It had been etched in each and every smile, every quick glance, every hug that lasted a second too long.
So, it wasn't that surprising that it was happening. The surprise was how it was happening.
Let’s rewind a bit.
It was some Thursday afternoon, April was making the sky slowly brighter and the school year was coming to its end. After his last period, Mikey went to his locker to swap out some books, only to find Ray already waiting for him. The older boy was leaning on the other lockers, not a book or bag in sight.
“What are you up to, Toro ?” Mikey teased as he entered his combination. The lock clicked, and he started sorting through his stuff.
“What, I can't stop by to see my best friend anymore ?”
“You definitely have something in mind.”
“You know me too well,” Ray laughed lightly, making Mikey’s heart flutter. “But, I don't really have anything in mind. I have an errand to run,” he explained, handing out a folded piece of paper with two fingers. “Somebody in my math class made me the messenger for this.”
Hands now free, Mikey palmed the paper and unfolded it carefully. You're really cute and I'd like to get to know you better. Meet me after class 5 tomorrow by the art room ? — Your secret admirer
Well, he definitely hadn't expected it.
“Who gave this ?”
“Aha, I don't give and tell, Mikey Way,” Ray wiggled his brows playfully. “As I said, someone in my math class.”
“Just give me one hint !”
“It’s a guy. Well, that's all you get !”
Mikey sighed as he pocketed the paper. He did have his eyes on a guy in Ray's math class : Ray himself. Maybe the universe had heard his prayers wrong and made the wrong senior become infatuated with him. Anyways, he’d go to the rendezvous and gently let this guy down.
He finished packing his stuff, then went home with Ray, as they did most days. They talked as they walked, complaining about exams, stressing about college, gossiping about classmates and getting excited over the prospect of their next movie night. It was so easy, being with Ray. He was booksmart and streetsmart, getting straight A’s then going out to fetch them weed; he was funny and wise, always with a witty, sharp joke or a kind word depending on the situation; he was kind and honest, never afraid of standing up for himself and others, and he sure was easy on the eye. Scratch that, he was straight up beautiful. Curly hair shining golden at the edges in the sun, the occasional pair of glasses that made him look a bit more nerdy … The uniform somehow fitting him perfectly…
“So, what do you think ?”
“What ?” Mikey got out of his own head, suddenly aware that Ray was in fact in front of him for real and talking to him. “Um, I got distracted, sorry. You were saying?”
“That you should pick up your bass again and we should jam together some time. It’s been what, three months ? I love playing with Frank, but I also want to play with you.”
Mikey's eyes widened like they did every time Ray said he wanted time together.
“Yeah, sure. Give me like, two weeks and I'll be good again.”
“Great ! Well, see you !,” he cheered as he turned into his street. Mikey watched him go, suddenly itching to get a pick in between his fingers.
He got home and immediately went up to his room, barely greeting Frank and Illi playing Mortal Kombat on the couch. In a second, his backpack and jacket were off, his bass strap was around his neck and his hand gently holding the neck. He tuned it, then let his fingers start flying around the fretboard.
Mikey went over the first song that came to mind(Bullet with butterfly wings, of course), then just practiced his scales and tried to improv a bit. Not great, but not terrible. If he kept it up for two weeks, he could maybe look okay-ish next to Ray.
Dinner time came eventually, then he went back to his room, his mind going back and forth between two things: Ray and the secret admirer.
He wished it was Ray, he wished the glances and smiles meant something, that their hands brushing meant tension, that Ray’s compliments were flirtatious. He wished, he wished it more than anything, but he didn't dare actually hope. “Set yourself up for disappointment,” he reminded himself. “Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed.” The worst in this situation was ok : maybe the senior wouldn't take the rejection well and try to start shit in retaliation in return. It happened, but Mikey knew he could deal with it. Maybe it would be a prank : that was ok too, because Mikey was intending to respond negatively anyway. And Ray probably wouldn't have given him the note if he had sensed malicious intent.
He fell asleep trying to picture every senior guy he could think of to try and guess who it could be, but his mind kept making his imaginary boys have curly hair and kind brown eyes.
The next day, he told Illi about it as they walked to school together. He immediately regretted it.
“Oh my God ! Can I come ?” she shook her hands, overly excited.
“Illi, it’s a confession-rejection, not a dance. Imagine meeting up with your crush and he rejects you with his big sister watching on the sides.”
“Right…” she seemed to realize, as if she really hadn't thought it through. “Well, you’ll tell me who it is afterwards, right?”
“You know I will,” Mikey smiled. He couldn't lie, he was indeed a gossip just like his sibling.
Mikey’s classes finished at four, so he decided he’d get to the art room maybe five minutes before the meeting. To pass time, he sneaked into the band room, getting a chair and sitting in the back while watching Frank argue with his clarinetist arch-nemesis.
“I’m telling you, YOU’RE off-key.”
“No, I'm supposed to be harmonizing with Clarice!” the girl, Sylvia retorted.
Average day. Eventually they sorted it out, Clarice correcting them with long sighs and disappointed stares. It was always fun to see Frank Iero in action.
Mikey got a bit too into it, the bassist lending him his bass and teaching him a little part at some point, and inevitably, he lost track of time.
“Shit, it’s already five past!”
He was supposed to let the mysterious senior down easy, and arriving late would probably make him look uncaring. He packed his stuff quickly and left, skipping steps to get to the second floor as fast as possible.
He made it to the art room in two minutes, at exactly 5:07, but no one was here. He waited, one, two minutes , then heard the toilets flush from the bathroom next door. Phew, here went his mysterious senior. Mikey leaned back against the wall, backpack in between his knees and looked up to discover his secret admirer.
“Ray ?!”
Ray looked confused as well, finishing drying his hand on the hem of his shirt.
“Mikey ? What are you doing here ?”
“What are you doing here ? I’m waiting for your mate.”
“Oh ! Right. Didn't know that was here. I don't take sneak peeks of people's mail, you know. I was finishing a project in the computer room.”
Made sense, considering it was just down the hall. “So, are you early or is he late ?”
“I’m late,” Mikey sighed. “Maybe he got scared and ran off. Maybe he didn't want to wait.”
“Well, I didn't see anyone when I came into the bathroom. Maybe he ran off.”
Without realizing, Mikey was already in motion, following Ray back to the computer room.
“Well, now will you tell me who it is ?”
“Nah,” Ray grinned wickedly. “Either he’ll come forward by himself or I'll die with a secret. And as I said, I don't give and tell.”
Ray sat in the chair with his jacket already on it, and Mikey sat by his side.
“Uuurhgh,” he whined, slumping into his seat. “You’re the worst, Toro.”
“So, what would you have told him anyway?”
Mikey thought about it for a moment. He would have been honest with the stranger. But could he be with Ray ? He could— just a bit. A tiny bit. Mikey knew he wasn't ready to give a grand love confession, but it would probably feel good to give a bit of honesty.
“I would have… rejected him gently. And… I would have been honest. Said that I like someone else.”
Ray turned away from the screen to shoot Mikey an inquisitive look. “And who’s the lucky girl?”
“It’s a guy,” Mikey said, mimicking Ray’s intonation. Ray stuck out his tongue at him, but stayed silent. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, Ray typing and clicking away on the computer, and Mikey looking at him, half laid out on the desk. But of course, Ray wasn't done asking questions.
"Is it a hot guy ?" Toro wiggled with brows.
“ It's a guy!"Mikey felt his face get hot."That’s all you get. Well, I guess I should get going. Good luck with your project !”
He got up and grabbed his bag and jacket, ready to flee before Ray could make out the words “IN LOVE WITH YOU” marked all over Mikey's face, and went for the door.
“Wait !” Ray called out. “I’m basically done, just let me save and—”
“I should really go,” Mikey lied. If he walked home with Ray, he knew he’d get grilled and teased to death and he really couldn't handle talking about how smitten he was to the very boy he was smitten for.
“Is it me ?”
He stopped dead in his tracks, paralyzed. Ray came up behind him and closed the door.
“Mikey, is it me ?”
Mikey turned around to back against the door, wanting to keep as much distance as possible (a complicated endeavor).
“It's - Um, I—”
“Because for me, it's you,” Ray continued, placing his hand on the door, right above Mikey’s shoulder. “It’s always been you.”
That was it. That was how Mikey Way had found himself face to face with Ray Toro, only inches apart.
Mikey felt his face turn beet red and heat up
Somehow, he had envisioned it before, Ray having feelings for him. He had never dared to entertain the idea, but now that Ray had confessed, he wasn't that shocked. Still, he didn't know where to look. Past Ray, at Ray, at his hair, his chest, his ear, his lips. God, his lips. Mikey was totally staring at his lips, and Ray had totally noticed. He was feeling his face heat up and up without ever stopping. Could he explode ?
“Will you stop me ?” Ray said, bending his arm and slowly getting closer to Mikey's face . “Will you push me off ? Tell me it’s not me ?”
Mikey let go of his stuff, and put a hand to Ray’s chest. Not pulling him in, but not pushing him away either. He was just… feeling him.
“It's…,” he kept stammering, unable to get the words out. With shaky arms, he reached for Ray’s face with his hands, caressing his cheeks gently. “I can't— I want—”
“Mikey, please push me away if this is too much. I really want to kiss you.”
Their lips were only a few inches away, and their faces were so close their noses grazed each other. Mikey wanted to speak up, tell Ray that yes, he was the one, yes, he always had been the one, but the words wouldn't come out. So, he did the next logical thing and crashed their mouths together.
Ray emitted a noise of surprise, before quickly melting into the kiss. He got even closer, his chest eventually falling onto Mikey’s, pressing him against the door. His hands— big, beautiful, gentle hands— found their way around the back of Mikey’s neck and the side of his hip, holding him tightly but lovingly.
And oh, it felt so good to be loved by Ray, to be kissed by him, Mikey could have died right at that moment and be happy.
Someone broke the kiss, Mikey wasn't sure who. Honestly, he couldn't even tell where his body ended and Ray's started. It felt as if they were one.
“Of fucking course it’s you,” he finally spoke up. “Has been for years now.”
Ray smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, but more chastely this time. A quick peck on the lips, so simple yet so intimate, that made Mikey's heart skip a beat.
“Do you still have to go ?”
“I’d invite you to come over but I really can't handle seeing anyone else right now.”
Ray looked on the side for a second, thinking about it. “Then come over to my house. Parents and brothers are out, you can probably stay until dinner.” He pressed another kiss on Mikey’s nose.
“I’d like that.”
Afterwards, Ray cleared out the room, and the two boys went their way home. It felt like every other time, except for the fact that they were holding hands.
“So, are you going to tell me who the guy was ?” Mikey asked again, still curious. “You know, it’s kind of evil of you to deliver a love letter and then make a move on me.”
Ray laughed, blushing slightly. “You want to know what’s really evil ?”
Mikey was intrigued. “Yeah ?”
“The guy’s name is John. Nevermind him. But um, to be honest, he didn't stand you up or freak out.”
“What?”
“Pull out the paper.”
They stopped in their tracks, Mikey pulling out the crumpled paper from his back pocket and opening it up.
“See that part,” Ray said, pointing at the “Meet me after class 5 tomorrow by the art room ?” “Well, you stood him up, because he was in fact waiting for you after class and not at five.”
It took Mikey a couple seconds to connect the dots.
“You—”
“Shhh,” Ray put his index over his own mouth, like he was telling Mikey to keep it down. “I’m the worst, I know. But it’s a dog eat dog world. I couldn't let some random confess before me !”
“So you’re a liar, a peeping Tom AND a saboteur,” Mikey's words were harsh, but his voice had no poison in it, only affection. Dog eat Dog world indeed. He couldn't really be mad, considering the outcome was most profitable to him as well. “You really are the worst, Toro.”
“I guess so. But you love me still.”
Ray extended his hand out. Mikey took it and resumed walking.
“But I love you still.”