Work Text:
“Sometimes I get overwhelmed and way too far ahead of myself
I often get the feeling that I'll never want somebody else and
They say modern love's a cruel endeavor
And to that I say, ‘Fuck it, whatever’”
———
You knew you were doomed when you heard your daughter’s father Ryland fantasize out loud about you from behind the guest bedroom door one rainy night. Every lustful noise he made felt like a stab to your yearning heart. You had sworn off of taking him back for almost three years now, but the feelings that you wanted to forever keep buried inside you still swam up every weekend when you had your family nights with him and Stella. You wished that he would already move on from you instead of playing this never-ending tennis game with your heart—he gave it to you when you spent your precious time with him, only for him to take it back when the weekday rolled around again.
This was why you decided to redownload the dating apps on your phone, update your pictures, and swipe right on anyone you found to be even remotely interesting. Dating had been a lot different now ever since you had a kid. You wanted to be extra cautious about the people you let into your life; you prioritized Stella’s safety and comfort over anything else.
One day, your phone lit up to tell you that you had matched with a guy named Mark. He seemed nice enough: he had a warm, friendly demeanor in his photos, his biography said that he worked as a software developer at a trendy startup in SF, and he was respectful to you when he read that you had a child in your biography.
You messaged Mark back and forth and finally decided to have a first date with him. He agreed to go to a cozy Spanish fusion restaurant that you always wanted to check out in the Mission District in SF. You felt extremely nervous about the fact that this was your first date ever since your daughter had been born, but you assured yourself that this was better than your baby daddy stringing you along just for nothing to happen.
That Friday night, you left Stella in the care of your trusted neighbor Mrs. Smith again and headed to the restaurant. It was a very warm and inviting space. The walls were painted in hues of bright red, yellow, and blue, photographs of the Spanish landscapes hung on those walls, and the speakers were playing classical Spanish guitar music. The hostess sat you and Mark at the booth next to the restaurant’s front windows. Surely, this is gonna be a pleasant first date, right?
As you patiently waited for your paella to finish cooking, you quickly learned that the man in front of you was completely different from his online profile. He kept on bragging about his job title and all the “revolutionary” things he did at his startup. He flaunted the fact that his friends from college had invited him to work there and that he didn’t even have to have an interview to get his “hard-earned” job. Mark had only asked you two surface-level questions about your own job and how your daughter was doing.
“Have you dabbled in trading cryptocurrency?” he probed you.
“No, not really…” You shook your head.
“Well, you really should! It’ll earn you way more money than your current job and it’s a guaranteed way to secure your daughter’s future.” He then proceeded to list a number of currencies that you had never even heard of in your life. Jesus, is this guy on a date or a sales marketing pitch?
You could only nod and smile politely at his meaningless rambles. When the food finally arrived at the table, it was like he wasn’t even hungry. God, did you wish that the waiter had already given you the check.
Suddenly, you saw a tall man with shaggy blond hair walk by your booth. He was wearing a bright yellow t-shirt, light blue jeans, and scuffed off-white converse sneakers. You could recognize that outfit from anywhere.
“I’m—so sorry, but I need to go.” You took out two $20 bills from your wallet and slammed them onto the table. “Here, just keep the change, and the leftovers. Sorry again!"
You grabbed your purse and ran to the front entrance. You opened the door and tried to catch up to where Ryland was strolling on the sidewalk. He had just eaten at his favorite taqueria that was just a couple of blocks from the restaurant you had your disastrous date at. Every week, he went there to get his favorite steak burrito, loaded with every single topping available.
“Ryland, wait! Can you stop?” you called out to him.
Like when the mortal musician Orpheus turned around after hearing his lover Eurydice calling out to him—thus inevitably dooming her to the Underworld forever—Ryland turned around when he heard you yell his name from down the street. By doing this, he too was dooming both you and him into being continuously stuck in the purgatory between a friendship and a relationship. How could he ignore you, though? He cared about you too much to just ignore you and keep walking forwards.
When he stopped and turned around to face you, you saw that he was wearing his yellow “Blood Milk Moon” t-shirt from one of his favorite bands Hermanos Gutiérrez. You still remembered when you went to their concert with him before you had broken up with him. He smiled brightly whenever he saw you swaying along to the music. It was you who had bought him that t-shirt after the show. “It matches your rain coat!” You grinned.
Ryland’s eyes widened when he saw you in your dress and heels, a much more formal outfit than what you usually wore during your family nights with him.
He enthusiastically called out your name. “Hey, I didn’t know you were here! You look, uh, great by the way. What’s the occasion?”
You smiled at his compliment. You wanted to hug him so badly, but you thought it would just make things even more awkward between the two of you.
“I—actually was on a date, but it wasn’t going well at all, so I called it off early and left. I didn’t know you were hanging out here too, so that’s why I called you out.” You let out a nervous laugh.
“Oh, shoot, sorry to hear that.” Ryland felt a jealous pang in his heart when you revealed that you were going on dates with other people.
He quickly thought of an excuse to spend some more time with you. “I actually was gonna go to get ice cream. Do you wanna join me?”
“Yeah, that’d be great! I’m always down to get dessert.” You gave him a sincere smile.
You two walked over to the vintage-looking ice cream shop on the next block. Your nose became permeated with the delicious smells of sugary cream and freshly-made waffle cones when you entered the place.
“Your favorite flavor’s still cookie dough, right?” Ryland asked.
“Yeah, thanks for remembering that.” Your heart skipped a beat after hearing that.
“Of course. How ‘bout I buy you a cone? It’s the least I can do after hearing about your crappy date.”
“Ry, you really don’t have to, but thank you, I really appreciate it.” You couldn’t stop smiling at his sugary sweet affection towards you.
Ryland paid for two ice cream cones: one cookie dough for you and one cotton candy for him. You walked out of the store with him and went to sit down at a park bench. You sat next to him and watched the fiery pink and orange San Francisco skyline change into night. In between licks of your ice cream, you had a very pleasant discussion with him on whatever came to you guys’ minds.
“Don’t tell Colt that I said this to you, but he was so nervous when he asked this girl out for senior year prom that he threw up right in front of her. You can guess what her answer was.” Ryland revealed.
“Oh my god, poor Colt!” You suddenly let out a flurry of laughter, your ice cream still in your hand.
“Woah there, don’t drop that!” He stretched out one arm to block your cone from falling onto the floor.
“Oh shit, sorry. I need to finish this,” you said when you calmed down from your giggling fit.
You quickly ate the rest of the ice cream before it could drip down your hand. Ryland turned his head to look at you again and saw that you had some ice cream next to the corner of your right lip. Without thinking, he placed his thumb onto your skin to wipe up the excess.
“Shoot, sorry! I don’t know why I did that. I don’t have any napkins with me, sorry,” he meekly apologized to you.
“No, it’s okay. Thanks for catching that,” you reassured him.
You both stared at your ice creams after that, your faces heating up with a blush.
After finishing your cone, you took out your phone and looked at the time; it was approaching 9pm already.
You finally broke the silence between you and him. “I need to get back to Stella soon. I’ll see you at her birthday party next week, then?”
“Yep, definitely! Do we have everything for the party?”
“Yeah, the lanterns are drying on the dining room table.”
“Awesome! I'll see you guys next week. Take care.” Ryland stood up from his side of the bench and gave you a friendly goodbye wave.
“You too! Bye, Ry.”