Archive of Our Own

"Shua hyung? You okay?" Seungkwan asked, concern written all over his face.

Retrograde amnesia.

That was the diagnosis given to him two months ago.

He'd suffered a car crash, but he couldn't remember what happened.

"Huh? I'm fine, Kwannie," Joshua brushed it off as if it was nothing. "My head just hurts. That's all."

Seungkwan set down his drink immediately. "I'm calling Jeonghan hyung. I'm asking him to bring you home."

"Jeonghan? Why?" The older Omega furrowed his brow.

Seungkwan frowned. "You don't remember? Hyung... The two of you are married."

"Married? Kwan-ah, you must be crazy," Joshua laughed. "He's a CEO. He'd never marry someone like me."

Seungkwan sighed, but called Jeonghan anyway.

It wasn't meant to be. 

The reason they got married was because Jeonghan needed someone to carry his children, and somehow, Jeonghan's parents had found Joshua, and before the crash, he'd been forced into marrying Jeonghan, mainly by him, with the threat of Seungkwan and Minghao.

The two of them were his closest friends, and people that Joshua wouldn't give up for the world. They'd been with him through everything, especially the crash, and, he assumed, whatever happened before it. After all, they were some of the only people he could recall some memories with.

"He sent a driver here," Seungkwan said after a while. "I'll help you out."

"I'm fine, Seungkwan. I'll go myself."

Seungkwan sighed, still following him out anyway.

Joshua sat in the backseat, staring out the window as the unfamiliar city passed by.

There was something strange about all of this.

Seungkwan had told him he was married.

Married to Yoon Jeonghan.

The name itself felt familiar, but not in the way it should.

Joshua knew who Jeonghan was. Everyone did.

Yoon Jeonghan was the CEO of one of the largest corporations in Seoul. An Alpha from an influential family. Rich, powerful, beautiful enough to have half the city talking about him.

And apparently, Joshua's husband.

It made no sense.

"Hyung?"

Joshua glanced toward Seungkwan. "Yeah?"

"You don't have to be scared."

"I'm not scared."

"You are."

Joshua smiled faintly. "I'm just confused."

Seungkwan looked down at his hands.

That was the problem.

Before the accident, Joshua had been confused too.

He had been terrified of Jeonghan.

And yet, somewhere along the way, that fear had changed into something else.

Something Seungkwan had watched happen slowly.

Something Joshua himself had apparently forgotten.

"You really don't remember anything about him?" Seungkwan asked quietly.

Joshua shook his head. "I remember meeting him."

"That's it?"

"I remember his face. His company. His name."

Seungkwan swallowed. "And the marriage?"

Joshua gave him a helpless look. "No."

Seungkwan looked away.

He didn't tell Joshua that, before the crash, he'd once seen him crying in the bathroom because Jeonghan had threatened to take him away from them.

He didn't tell him how many times Joshua had begged him and Minghao not to leave him alone with his husband.

He didn't tell him that the marriage had never been a love story.

Not even close.

Jeonghan had wanted an heir.

His parents had found an Omega suitable for carrying his children.

Joshua had been chosen.

And Jeonghan had made certain Joshua had no way out.

Seungkwan's jaw tightened.

He hated remembering it.

But he hated something else even more.

He remembered the last few weeks before the accident.

Joshua had started smiling around Jeonghan.

Not often.

Not enough for anyone to call it happiness.

But sometimes, when Jeonghan wasn't looking, Joshua would smile.

And Seungkwan had wondered if perhaps things were finally changing.

Now Joshua didn't even remember that.

The car eventually slowed in front of an enormous estate.

Joshua stared through the window. "That's where I live?"

Seungkwan hesitated. "Yes."

Joshua's fingers tightened around the strap of his bag.

The gates opened.

The car drove through.

And when it stopped, the front doors opened almost immediately.

A tall Alpha stepped outside.

Jeonghan.

He was dressed in a dark suit, his hair slightly disheveled as if he'd left a meeting halfway through.

His expression was unreadable.

Until his eyes landed on Joshua.

For one brief second, something flashed across his face.

Relief.

Then it disappeared.

Jeonghan walked toward the car.

Joshua instinctively moved backward.

Seungkwan noticed.

So did Jeonghan.

He stopped several feet away. "Joshua."

Joshua stared at him. "Mr. Yoon?"

The words hit harder than any accusation could have.

Jeonghan's expression tightened. "I'm your husband."

Joshua's brows furrowed. "I know what Seungkwan told me."

Jeonghan glanced at Seungkwan. "How much?"

"Enough."

Jeonghan looked back at Joshua. "You have retrograde amnesia."

"Apparently."

"And you don't remember our marriage."

"No."

Silence.

Jeonghan nodded once. "Okay."

Joshua blinked. "Okay?"

"I won't force you to remember."

There was something strange about the way he said it.

Joshua couldn't explain why, but it made his chest ache.

Jeonghan stepped aside. "You can come inside."

Joshua didn't move. "Do I have to?"

Jeonghan looked at him for a long moment. "No."

Seungkwan's eyes widened slightly.

Jeonghan continued quietly. "If you don't want to stay here, I'll have the driver take you wherever you'd feel safe."

Joshua stared at him.

This wasn't the man Seungkwan had described.

This wasn't the man Joshua remembered from the fragments of his past.

This was someone else.

Or maybe, Joshua thought, he simply didn't know him anymore.

"I'll stay tonight," he finally said.

Jeonghan nodded. "Okay."

Joshua stepped out of the car.

As he walked past Jeonghan, their shoulders nearly brushed.

Joshua froze.

For the briefest moment, something flickered in his mind.

A hand holding his.

A warm voice murmuring his name.

A bedroom filled with sunlight.

And Jeonghan smiling.

Joshua immediately grabbed his temple. "Hyung?"

Seungkwan rushed toward him. "I'm fine."

Jeonghan didn't move.

But his eyes had gone wide. "You remembered something?"

Joshua shook his head. "No. Just..." he looked at Jeonghan. "I don't know."

Jeonghan's voice softened. "That's okay."

Joshua frowned.

For some reason, those three words hurt.

He didn't understand why.

He didn't know that Jeonghan had spent the last two months sitting beside a hospital bed, watching the man he'd once married for the sake of an heir lie unconscious beneath white sheets.

He didn't know that somewhere along the way, the Omega he'd chosen because he thought Joshua would give him children had become the person Jeonghan couldn't imagine losing.

And he certainly didn't know that the last thing Joshua had said before the accident was whispered through tears.

"I think I love you."

Jeonghan had never gotten the chance to answer.

Now Joshua didn't remember saying it.

And perhaps that was the punishment Jeonghan deserved.

Because he'd wanted a marriage for children.

He'd gotten one.

He just hadn't expected to fall in love with his husband along the way.

The first night back at the house was unbearable.

For Joshua, at least.

For Jeonghan, it was worse.

Joshua had been given the master bedroom without argument. Jeonghan had expected him to refuse it. Instead, Joshua had stood in the doorway for several minutes, staring at the room like he was looking at a stranger's life.

The bed was enormous.

There were photographs on the nightstand.

Joshua picked one up.

It was a wedding photograph.

He stared at it.

There he was, dressed in white, and beside him stood Jeonghan.

They looked happy.

Joshua's brows knitted together. "Was I?"

Jeonghan, standing several feet behind him, looked at the photograph. "Was what?"

"Happy."

Jeonghan didn't answer immediately.

Joshua turned. "Before the accident. Was I happy?"

Jeonghan's jaw tightened. "You were getting there."

"Getting there?"

"You didn't hate me anymore."

Joshua went still. That wasn't the answer he expected. "What did I hate you for?"

Jeonghan's eyes met his. "Because I forced you to marry me."

Silence.

Joshua's fingers tightened around the photograph. "You did?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Jeonghan walked closer. "You're an Omega. I needed an heir."

Joshua stared at him. "So I was..."

He couldn't bring himself to finish.

"A means to an end," Jeonghan said quietly. "What my parents wanted me to do."

There was no excuse in his voice. No attempt to soften it.

Joshua looked down at the photograph again. "And now?"

Jeonghan's expression changed. "Now it's complicated."

"How?"

"I don't know how to explain it without sounding pathetic."

Joshua almost laughed. "Try."

Jeonghan looked at him. "I stopped caring about having children."

Joshua's heart skipped.

"I started caring about you."

The room became painfully quiet. Joshua didn't know what to say.

Jeonghan took another step forward. "I know what I did to you."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"You threatened me."

"Yes."

"You made me marry you."

"Yes."

"You made me live here."

"Yes."

Joshua swallowed. "And now you're telling me you love me?"

Jeonghan nodded. "I am."

Joshua laughed once, but there was no humour in it. "That's sick."

"I know."

The answer startled him.

Jeonghan didn't defend himself.

He didn't say he had changed. He didn't tell Joshua that he'd become a better man. He simply stood there and accepted the accusation.

Joshua looked away. "I don't love you."

Jeonghan's expression barely moved. "I know."

"You can't expect me to."

"I don't."

"Then what do you want?"

Jeonghan was silent for several seconds. "You."

Joshua's eyes snapped toward him. "That's exactly the problem."

Jeonghan looked almost tired. "I know."

Joshua put the photograph back down. "I want Seungkwan to stay."

"Of course."

"And Minghao."

"Of course."

"And I want my own room."

Jeonghan paused. "This is your room."

Joshua frowned. "You know what I mean."

"I do."

Jeonghan walked toward the door. "I'll sleep in the guest room."

Joshua stared at his back.

"Why?"

Jeonghan stopped. "Because you're frightened of me."

Joshua didn't deny it, so Jeonghan left.

The door closed.

Joshua stood alone.

For the first time since waking up from the accident, he felt like he could breathe.

But what he didn't know was that Jeonghan had already made a decision.

He wasn't going to force Joshua again. Not physically, not openly. He'd learned his lesson.

If Joshua had forgotten their marriage, their arguments, the fear, the tears...

He had also forgotten the small moments that had changed everything.

The late night conversations, the meals Joshua had started waiting for, the way he would fall asleep on the sofa whenever Jeonghan worked too late, the first time Joshua had voluntarily reached for his hand, the first time he'd kissed him, the first time he'd said I love you.

Jeonghan had lost all of that.

But he wasn't going to accept losing Joshua. Not again.

He would let Joshua choose. He would give him space. He would be patient.

And if Joshua eventually remembered why he had loved him, Jeonghan would accept it.

But if he didn't...

Jeonghan stared at the closed bedroom door. His expression hardened.

Then he'd simply have to make Joshua fall in love with him again.

This time, without threats. Without chains. Without forcing him into the marriage.

Because if Joshua chose him willingly, Jeonghan thought, perhaps it would finally make everything he'd done worth forgiving.

Upstairs, Joshua lay awake.

He couldn't sleep.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Jeonghan.

Not the Jeonghan standing in front of him now.

Another one. A softer one. A Jeonghan who looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Joshua pressed a hand against his chest.

"Who are you?" he whispered.

And somewhere deep inside his broken memories, something answered.

Your husband.

Joshua's eyes opened.

For the first time since the accident, he was afraid that forgetting Jeonghan might not be the worst thing that had happened to him.

Maybe remembering him would be.

Joshua couldn't sleep.

Again.

The house was too quiet at night.

During the day, there were footsteps, staff moving around, Seungkwan occasionally calling him to ask if he'd eaten, and Minghao dropping by whenever he could.

At night, there was nothing.

Just silence.

And memories that refused to stay hidden.

Joshua eventually gave up.

He slipped out of bed and wandered downstairs, intending to get a glass of water.

The kitchen was empty. He filled a glass and leaned against the counter. That was when he smelled it.

Smoke.

Joshua frowned.

He followed the scent toward the back terrace.

The door was slightly open.

Beyond it stood Jeonghan.

Alone.

His suit jacket was discarded over a chair, his sleeves rolled to his elbows. One hand rested against the railing while the other held a cigarette between his fingers.

Joshua stared. Jeonghan noticed him almost immediately.

Their eyes met.

For a moment, neither spoke.

Jeonghan calmly extinguished the cigarette. "You should be sleeping."

Joshua stepped outside. "You're smoking."

"I am."

"You smoke?"

"Sometimes."

Joshua looked at the cigarette. "You didn't tell me."

"You didn't ask."

There was something strangely irritating about that answer.

Joshua crossed his arms. "How long?"

Jeonghan glanced at him. "Since before I met you."

"Do you smoke often?"

"No."

Joshua raised an eyebrow.

Jeonghan sighed. "More lately."

"Because of me?"

Jeonghan didn't answer. That was enough.

Joshua's expression softened despite himself. "You've been smoking because of the accident?"

Jeonghan looked out over the garden. "Partly."

"Because I forgot you?"

A long pause.

"Partly."

Joshua didn't know what to do with that.

He walked closer. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would it have changed anything?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly."

Joshua stared at him.

Jeonghan looked exhausted.

Not physically.

Something deeper.

The kind of exhaustion that settled behind someone's eyes.

Joshua had seen that expression before, but he just didn't remember where.

Without thinking, Joshua reached toward him.

His fingers brushed Jeonghan's wrist.

Jeonghan froze.

Joshua immediately pulled back. "Sorry."

Jeonghan looked at him. "Don't."

"What?"

"Don't apologise for touching me."

Joshua's heart skipped.

Jeonghan's gaze dropped to his hand. "You used to do that."

"Do what?"

"Touch me whenever you were worried."

Joshua went still. "I did?"

"You'd pretend you weren't."

A faint smile appeared on Jeonghan's lips. "You'd put your hand on my wrist. Or fix my collar. Sometimes you'd just sit beside me."

Joshua swallowed. "Did you like it?"

"More than I should have."

Joshua looked away.

The silence stretched between them.

Then he noticed the cigarette pack sitting on the table and picked it up.

Jeonghan immediately reached for it. "Don't."

Joshua looked at him. "Why?"

"Because I don't want you smoking."

Joshua blinked. "You're the one smoking."

"I know."

"That's hypocritical."

"I know."

Joshua almost smiled. Almost.

He held the pack out. "Give me that."

Jeonghan stared. "Why?"

"I'm throwing them away."

"No."

"Jeonghan."

"No."

Joshua narrowed his eyes. "You're unbelievable."

"You forgot me and came back three days ago. You're not allowed to boss me around yet."

Joshua stared at him. "Yet?"

Jeonghan realised what he'd said.

He sighed. "That came out wrong."

Joshua's lips twitched. "Maybe."

Jeonghan stepped closer. "Joshua."

"Hm?"

"If you want me to stop, I'll stop."

Joshua's expression changed. "You'd really stop?"

"Yes."

"Just because I asked?"

"Yes."

Something about the answer unsettled him.

Because Jeonghan had once forced him into marriage.

And yet now, when Joshua asked for something small, Jeonghan was willing to give it to him immediately.

Joshua slowly lowered the cigarette pack. "Then stop."

Jeonghan nodded. "Okay," he took the pack from Joshua and placed it on the table. "I won't smoke again."

Joshua looked at him skeptically. "You promise?"

"I promise."

A strange warmth settled in Joshua's chest.

He didn't understand it. He hated that part.

Jeonghan walked past him toward the door. "Come on."

Joshua followed.

Just before they went inside, he glanced back at the terrace.

The discarded cigarette lay in the ashtray.

For some reason, seeing it there made him feel strangely guilty.

As if he'd taken something away from Jeonghan. As if Jeonghan had once needed it.

Joshua looked at the Alpha beside him. "Jeonghan."

"Hm?"

"Why did I stop hating you?"

Jeonghan stopped walking.

Joshua's question hung between them.

Jeonghan slowly turned around. "I don't know."

"You're lying."

"I am."

Joshua waited.

Jeonghan looked at him for a long moment. "Because you saw something in me that I didn't deserve."

"What?"

Jeonghan smiled sadly. "Something worth loving."

Joshua's breath caught.

And somewhere in the depths of his damaged memory, a door shifted. Not enough to open, but enough for him to hear something from the other side.

His own voice.

Soft.

Shaking.

Loving.

"Jeonghan..."

Joshua grabbed his head.

Jeonghan immediately reached for him. "Joshua?"

"I heard something."

"What?"

Joshua looked up at him. "I think..." his eyes filled with tears. "I think I remember loving you."

Jeonghan went completely still.

Joshua didn't know why he was crying.

He only knew that when Jeonghan carefully pulled him into his arms, he didn't pull away.

And for the first time since the accident, being held by his husband didn't feel unfamiliar.

It felt like coming home.

Joshua woke up the next morning with a headache.

Not a terrible one.

Just enough to make him irritable.

He sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his temple, when there was a knock.

"Come in."

The door opened.

Jeonghan stood there with a tray.

Joshua stared. "What is that?"

"Breakfast."

"I have hands."

"I know."

"Then why are you carrying it?"

Jeonghan walked inside anyway. "Because you have a headache."

Joshua frowned. "How do you know?"

"You always get headaches when you don't sleep."

Joshua went quiet. Always.

The word made something uncomfortable twist in his chest.

Jeonghan placed the tray on the table.

Toast. Fruit. Eggs. A cup of tea.

Nothing extravagant.

Joshua looked at it. "You remembered what I like?"

Jeonghan paused. "Of course."

That answer was so simple that Joshua didn't know what to say.

He picked up the cup. "Thank you."

Jeonghan nodded. "I'll leave you to eat."

Joshua looked up. "You don't have to."

Jeonghan stopped.

Joshua wasn't sure why he'd said it.

He just knew that, for some reason, he didn't want Jeonghan to leave yet.

"I mean..." he awkwardly cleared his throat. "You can stay."

Jeonghan's eyes softened. "Okay."

He sat in the chair across from the bed.

Joshua ate in silence.

It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't uncomfortable either.

It was simply strange.

Like sitting across from someone he should have known better than anyone.

After a few minutes, Joshua glanced up. "Did we used to eat breakfast together?"

"Sometimes."

"Did you cook?"

Jeonghan looked offended. "I can cook."

Joshua snorted. "You don't look like you can cook."

"I made you breakfast plenty of times."

"Was it edible?"

Jeonghan smiled. "Usually."

Joshua laughed.

It came naturally.

Both of them froze.

Joshua's smile slowly disappeared.

Jeonghan looked down.

Neither mentioned it.

After breakfast, Joshua spent most of the day with Seungkwan and Minghao.

They didn't talk about Jeonghan much.

Joshua appreciated that.

Instead, they showed him old photographs.

School trips.

Birthday parties.

Random pictures from their university days.

Joshua recognised some faces.

Others were complete strangers.

Every once in a while, he'd see himself beside Jeonghan.

Sometimes they were arguing. Sometimes they weren't even looking at each other. Sometimes Joshua was asleep against Jeonghan's shoulder.

Those were the photographs he couldn't stop staring at.

"You two really changed," Minghao said quietly.

Joshua looked at him. "What do you mean?"

Minghao hesitated. "You used to hate him."

"Apparently."

"And now?"

Joshua looked down at the photograph in his hands. "I don't know."

Seungkwan gave Minghao a warning glance.

Minghao immediately stopped.

Joshua noticed. "You two know something."

Neither answered.

"About me and Jeonghan."

Seungkwan sighed. "Hyung, you're married. There are things only you two would know."

"Was he good to me?"

The question made both of them go quiet.

Eventually, Seungkwan answered. "Not at first."

Joshua's stomach dropped. "And later?"

"Later..." Seungkwan looked down. "He tried."

Joshua stared at him. "That's not exactly reassuring."

"I know."

A silence settled.

Joshua looked back at the photograph.

Jeonghan's hand was around his waist.

Joshua looked comfortable. Happy, even.

He couldn't reconcile that person with himself.

"Did I love him?"

Seungkwan's eyes softened. "I think you were starting to."

Joshua's fingers tightened around the photograph. "Starting?"

"You were confused."

"About him?"

"About everything."

Joshua looked away.

That night, he found Jeonghan in the living room.

The television was on, but the Alpha wasn't watching it.

He was reading documents.

Joshua stood in the doorway. "You're working."

Jeonghan looked up. "Unfortunately."

"You work a lot?"

"Yes."

"Did you work a lot before?"

"Yes."

"Did that bother me?"

Jeonghan smiled faintly. "Very much."

Joshua walked closer. "Why?"

"You thought I was avoiding you."

The Omega frowned. "Wasn't that what you were doing?"

"No."

"Then why?"

Jeonghan closed the document. "I don't think you're ready for that conversation."

Joshua bristled. "You keep saying that."

"Because you keep asking questions that don't have simple answers."

Joshua stared at him.

"Then give me the complicated ones."

Jeonghan's expression softened. "Not yet."

Joshua didn't like that.

But strangely, he didn't push.

He sat down on the opposite end of the sofa.

Jeonghan looked surprised. "What?"

"Nothing."

Joshua frowned. "You look surprised."

"I am."

"Why?"

"You don't usually sit this far away."

Joshua looked at the enormous sofa between them. "How close did I sit?"

Jeonghan pointed beside himself. "Here."

Joshua stared at the empty space, then at Jeonghan. "That close?"

"Sometimes closer."

Joshua's cheeks warmed. "Well, I don't remember doing that."

"I know, and I don't expect you to."

Neither spoke.

A few minutes passed.

Joshua slowly relaxed against the sofa.

Jeonghan returned to his documents.

For the first time since returning to the house, Joshua felt something close to normal.

Not love. Not affection. Certainly not trust.

Just comfort.

And for now, that was enough.

He didn't need to remember Jeonghan. He didn't need to fall in love with him again. He didn't even need to understand why they'd once stopped hating each other.

All Joshua needed was time.

And, for once, Jeonghan seemed willing to give it to him.

Neither of them knew that the next few weeks would change everything.

Not because Joshua would suddenly remember.

He wouldn't.

Instead, he would begin getting to know Jeonghan as though they had never met.

And somehow, that would become far more dangerous.

Because this time, Joshua would get to choose him.

The next morning, Joshua woke up to the smell of coffee.

He lay still for a moment.

Something about it felt familiar.

Not the smell itself.

The feeling.

He used to wake up to this.

Joshua frowned.

Used to.

He sat up slowly and looked toward the bedside table.

There was a cup of tea waiting for him.

Not coffee.

Tea.

He picked it up.

It was exactly the way he liked it.

He stared at it for a few seconds before getting out of bed.

When he walked downstairs, he found Jeonghan in the kitchen.

The Alpha was standing at the counter, sleeves rolled up, making breakfast.

Joshua stopped in the doorway.

Jeonghan glanced over.

"Morning."

"You made the tea."

"Yes."

"How did you know how I like it?"

Jeonghan looked at him as if the answer were obvious. "I've been making it for you for almost a year."

Joshua's eyebrows rose. "Almost a year?"

Jeonghan nodded.

Joshua leaned against the doorway. "That's a long time."

"It is."

"How long have we been married?"

"About a year and a half."

Joshua went quiet.

A year and a half.

He had lost memories of a year and a half of his life. A year and a half with Jeonghan. He didn't know whether that made him sad or relieved.

"Do you remember our wedding?" Joshua asked.

Jeonghan's hand paused. "Yes."

"What was it like?"

Jeonghan gave a small laugh. "Awful."

Joshua blinked. "Awful?"

"You cried."

"I cried?"

"Before the ceremony."

"Why?"

"Because you didn't want to marry me."

Joshua looked down.

That sounded more like the story he'd expected.

"What happened?"

"I told you that Seungkwan and Minghao... I'd shut you away from them if you refused." 

Joshua's expression hardened. "You really were horrible."

"Yes."

Jeonghan didn't hesitate. "I was."

Joshua studied him. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because you deserve to know."

"And you aren't worried I'll hate you again?"

Jeonghan looked at him. "I expect you to."

Joshua didn't answer, but he spoke again. "What if I forget this conversation?" 

"Then... you do." 

Jeonghan returned to cooking.

After a few moments, Joshua walked over and sat at the kitchen island. "Why didn't you divorce me after the accident?"

Jeonghan stopped.

Joshua watched him carefully.

"I forgot you," he continued. "I don't remember wanting this marriage. I don't remember loving you. I don't remember anything."

Jeonghan placed the knife down. "Because I didn't marry you because I wanted a marriage."

Joshua frowned. "You married me for children."

"Yes."

"Then why keep me?"

Jeonghan looked at him. "Because somewhere along the way, you stopped being the person I needed."

He paused. "You became the person I needed."

Joshua's chest tightened.

He looked away.

"That's a terrible thing to say."

"I know."

"You're basically saying you became dependent on me."

"Yes."

"That's not healthy."

"I know."

Joshua glanced back. "Do you know anything that is healthy?"

Jeonghan smiled. "Not particularly."

Joshua laughed.

It surprised both of them.

Jeonghan's eyes softened.

Joshua immediately looked down at the counter.

There it was again.

That strange warmth.

He didn't know Jeonghan.

Not really.

But lately, he was beginning to understand why his past self might have fallen for him.

Not because Jeonghan was perfect.

He wasn't.

He was controlling.

Manipulative.

Possessive.

And sometimes frighteningly intense.

But he was also patient.

He listened.

He never raised his voice at Joshua.

And most importantly, he seemed genuinely ashamed of the person he'd been.

Joshua wasn't ready to forgive him.

He wasn't even sure forgiveness was possible.

But he was beginning to believe that Jeonghan wanted to become someone worthy of it.

Later that afternoon, Joshua wandered into Jeonghan's study.

He had been looking for a charger.

Instead, he found an entire shelf of photographs.

He reached for one.

It was a picture of him and Jeonghan sitting on the beach.

Joshua was laughing.

Jeonghan was looking at him instead of the camera.

Joshua stared.

There was something in Jeonghan's expression.

Something so soft that Joshua almost didn't recognise him.

He turned the photograph over.

There was handwriting on the back.

He smiled at me today.

Joshua's heart skipped.

He picked up another.

He fell asleep on my shoulder.

Another.

He asked me if I was happy.

Another.

I think I'm in trouble.

Joshua swallowed.

These weren't captions.

They were Jeonghan's handwriting.

Little pieces of a life Joshua couldn't remember.

He put the photographs back.

"You're not supposed to be in here."

Joshua spun around.

Jeonghan stood in the doorway.

"I'm sorry."

Jeonghan walked in.

His expression wasn't angry.

Just startled.

"What were you looking for?"

"I... can't remember."

"Ah." 

Joshua's eyes drifted back toward the photographs.

"Did you write those?"

Jeonghan looked at the shelf.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I was afraid I'd forget."

Joshua looked at him. "Forget what?"

Jeonghan's eyes met his. "How you made me feel."

Joshua's throat tightened.

For several seconds, neither spoke.

Then Joshua quietly asked, "do you still love me?"

Jeonghan didn't answer immediately.

He could have lied. He could have said no, because Joshua didn't remember and because the answer might scare him.

Instead, he told the truth. "Yes."

Joshua looked down. "Even now?"

"Especially now."

"Why?"

Jeonghan stepped closer, but stopped before he could invade Joshua's space. "Because you're still you."

Joshua's eyes stung. "I don't remember loving you."

"I know."

"I don't know if I ever will."

"I know."

"That doesn't hurt you?"

Jeonghan smiled sadly. "Of course it does."

Joshua looked at him. "But I'm not going to make you responsible for my feelings."

Something in Joshua's chest loosened.

He nodded. "Okay."

Jeonghan moved toward the door.

Joshua suddenly called him. "Jeonghan."

The Alpha stopped.

Joshua hesitated. "Can we..." he struggled to find the words. "Can we start over?"

Jeonghan slowly turned.

Joshua's heart hammered. "Not as husband and husband."

Jeonghan said nothing.

"Just..." Joshua looked down. "Can I get to know you?"

For the first time since the accident, Jeonghan looked genuinely stunned.

Then he smiled.

Small.

Careful.

Almost disbelieving.

"Sure."

The Omega smiled back. "Okay."

And neither of them realised it yet, but that was the moment their marriage truly began.

Not when Jeonghan forced Joshua to say yes. Not when they exchanged rings. Not when they signed the papers.

It began here.

With Joshua choosing, freely and willingly, to meet Yoon Jeonghan for the first time.

For the first few days after Joshua asked to start over, Jeonghan tried.

He really did.

He ate breakfast with him. He answered Joshua's questions. He drove him to his appointments when Seungkwan couldn't. He even started leaving the study door open, as though silently telling Joshua he was welcome to come in whenever he wanted.

It should have been enough.

But somewhere around the fifth day, something changed.

Joshua noticed it immediately.

Jeonghan stopped waiting for him at breakfast.

His tea still appeared every morning, prepared exactly the way Joshua liked it.

But Jeonghan was never there to watch him drink it.

If Joshua entered a room, Jeonghan found a reason to leave.

If Joshua asked him something, Jeonghan answered politely.

Briefly.

Coldly.

There was no anger.

No cruelty.

That almost made it worse.

"You're leaving?" Joshua stood in the doorway of the living room, watching Jeonghan put on his coat.

"Yes."

"You didn't tell me."

"I have a meeting."

Joshua frowned. "You always have meetings."

"That's my job."

"I know."

Jeonghan adjusted his cufflinks. "Was there something you needed?"

Joshua hesitated.

"No."

"Then I'll see you later."

Jeonghan walked past him.

Joshua turned. "Jeonghan."

The Alpha stopped. "Yeah?"

"Did I do something?"

Jeonghan's expression didn't change. "No."

"You've been avoiding me."

"I'm busy."

"You weren't this busy before."

A pause.

"Things change."

Joshua stared at him. "Did I make you uncomfortable when I asked to start over?"

Jeonghan looked away. "No."

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing."

Joshua's voice softened. "You're lying."

Jeonghan's jaw tightened.

For a second, Joshua thought he might finally say something.

Instead, Jeonghan simply opened the front door. "I'll be late tonight."

And left.

Joshua stood there long after the door closed.

He didn't understand.

It wasn't like Jeonghan was angry.

It was almost as if he had decided to disappear from Joshua's life while still living in the same house.

And somehow, that hurt more than Joshua wanted to admit.

Three days later, Joshua found Jeonghan in the kitchen. "You're home early."

Jeonghan looked up from his phone. "Mm."

Joshua smiled cautiously. "Do you want to eat together?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since lunch."

"I'm fine."

Joshua frowned. "You always say that."

Jeonghan looked at him. "Because I am."

Joshua didn't believe him.

He walked over and took the phone from Jeonghan's hand. "Hey."

"Sit."

Jeonghan stared at him.

Joshua pointed toward the chair. "You're eating."

Something flickered across Jeonghan's face.

For the first time in days, it looked almost like the old Jeonghan.

The possessive one. The controlling one.

The man Joshua had been warned about.

But it vanished quickly.

Jeonghan sat.

Joshua prepared a plate and placed it in front of him. "Eat."

Jeonghan looked at the food.

Then at Joshua. "You don't have to take care of me."

Joshua blinked. "I know."

"Then don't."

The words were quiet.

But they hurt.

Joshua slowly pulled his hand back. "Okay."

Jeonghan looked down.

Joshua left.

The moment the door closed behind him, Jeonghan shut his eyes.

His fingers curled tightly around the edge of the table.

He wanted Joshua.

God, he wanted him.

That was exactly why he'd started pulling away.

Because Joshua had asked to start over.

Not to fall back in love.

Not to forgive him.

Just to get to know him.

And Jeonghan knew himself well enough to understand how dangerous that was.

He wanted to reach for Joshua every time he smiled. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to sleep beside him again. He wanted to hear Joshua say his name the way he used to.

But Joshua didn't remember any of that.

And Jeonghan refused to manipulate him into recreating it.

He had already stolen enough choices from him.

So he'd made the only decision he thought he could live with.

He would give Joshua distance.

Even if it killed him.

Joshua, meanwhile, sat on his bed staring at his phone.

He had no idea why he was upset.

Jeonghan hadn't done anything wrong.

If anything, he was respecting Joshua's boundaries.

So why did it feel like rejection?

Joshua opened their messages.

Most of the old conversations were still there.

He scrolled.

There were hundreds.

Some were mundane.

Have you eaten?

I'm coming home late.

Don't wait up.

Bring an umbrella.

But there were others.

Are you still awake?

Yes.

Come downstairs.

Why?

I miss you.

Joshua stopped.

His heart beat strangely.

He kept scrolling.

Goodnight, Shua.

Goodnight, Hannie.

Joshua stared at the screen.

Hannie.

He couldn't imagine himself calling Jeonghan that.

And yet he had.

He pressed his phone against his chest.

Maybe that was why Jeonghan had become distant.

Maybe he couldn't bear looking at someone who no longer remembered loving him.

Joshua swallowed.

The next morning, he found Jeonghan at the front door. "You're leaving again."

"Yes."

Joshua nodded. "Okay."

Jeonghan reached for the handle.

"Wait."

He turned.

Joshua stood a few feet away. "I don't know what I did."

Jeonghan's expression softened for the briefest moment. "You didn't do anything."

"Then why do you keep avoiding me?"

Jeonghan was silent.

Joshua stepped closer. "You told me you loved me."

"I do."

"Then why does it feel like you hate me?"

Jeonghan's eyes closed.

He looked genuinely pained. "I don't hate you."

"Then what?"

Jeonghan opened his eyes. "I love you too much."

Joshua froze.

Jeonghan's voice remained quiet. "And that's the problem."

He opened the door.

Joshua didn't stop him this time.

He watched Jeonghan leave.

And for the first time since losing his memories, Joshua realised something that frightened him.

He missed his husband.

Not the memories.

Not the marriage.

Not the life they supposedly had.

He missed Jeonghan.

The man himself.

And he had no idea when that had happened.

Joshua tried to respect the distance.

He really did.

If Jeonghan wanted space, Joshua would give it to him.

That was what healthy people did.

At least, that was what Minghao told him.

"You're overthinking it," Minghao said, sitting across from him at a café. "Jeonghan is probably trying not to pressure you."

"He's avoiding me."

"Because he loves you."

Joshua stared at him. "That doesn't make sense."

"It does if you knew what he was like before."

Joshua's expression darkened. "I don't."

Minghao went quiet.

Joshua had started noticing that.

Whenever he asked about his past with Jeonghan, his friends became careful.

They answered only what they thought he needed to know.

Never enough.

It was frustrating.

"You know something," Joshua said.

Minghao sighed. "Joshua."

"You all know something."

"We know what happened."

"Then tell me."

Minghao looked at him. "You were hurt."

"I know."

"Jeonghan hurt you."

Joshua's fingers tightened around his cup. "I know that too."

"But..."

Minghao hesitated. "You eventually chose to stay."

Joshua frowned. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"That's a lie."

Minghao looked away. "You need to ask Jeonghan."

Joshua laughed bitterly. "He's barely talking to me."

"Maybe that's his answer."

Joshua went silent.

That evening, he returned home to find the mansion strangely quiet.

Jeonghan wasn't there.

Joshua checked the time.

Almost midnight.

He told himself he didn't care.

He showered.

Changed.

Got into bed.

Still, he couldn't sleep.

At 12:47 a.m., the front door finally opened.

Joshua heard footsteps downstairs.

He stayed in bed.

At 12:53, he heard Jeonghan's footsteps approaching the stairs.

They stopped.

For several seconds, there was silence.

Then the footsteps continued upward.

Joshua sat up.

The bedroom door opened.

Jeonghan stood there.

His tie was loose, his hair slightly messy.

He looked exhausted.

"You should be asleep."

Joshua frowned. "You should be home earlier."

Jeonghan looked at him. "I'm sorry."

That was it.

He started to leave.

"Wait."

Jeonghan stopped.

Joshua hesitated. "Did you eat?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying?"

A faint smile appeared. "Maybe."

Joshua sighed. "Come here."

Jeonghan stared at him. "What?"

"Just come here."

Slowly, Jeonghan walked into the room.

Joshua pointed at the chair beside the bed. "Sit."

Jeonghan obeyed.

Joshua studied him. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Acting like I'm a stranger."

Jeonghan looked down. "Because you are."

The answer hurt.

Joshua's face fell.

Jeonghan noticed immediately. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

Jeonghan rubbed his eyes. "You don't remember me."

"I remember your name."

"That's not the same."

Joshua was quiet.

Jeonghan continued. "You remember facts about me. You remember that I'm your husband. You remember that I forced you into this marriage." His voice became quieter. "But you don't remember who I was to you."

Joshua looked down. "I wish I did."

"I know."

"I keep seeing pieces."

Jeonghan looked at him. "What pieces?"

Joshua hesitated.

"You."

Jeonghan's expression changed. "Doing what?"

"I don't know." Joshua swallowed. "Sometimes you're laughing."

A pause.

"Sometimes I'm holding your hand."

Jeonghan's eyes softened.

"And sometimes..." Joshua looked away. "Sometimes I'm looking at you like you're the only person in the room."

Jeonghan didn't speak.

Joshua's voice became quieter. "I hate that I don't remember."

Jeonghan stood.

Joshua looked up.

Jeonghan walked toward him.

For one terrifying second, Joshua thought he was going to touch him.

Instead, Jeonghan stopped a few inches away. "You don't have to."

Joshua's heart thudded. "Have to what?"

"Remember."

"But what if I never do?"

Jeonghan's expression cracked.

It was tiny.

Almost invisible.

But Joshua saw it.

"Then you never do."

"And you'll just..."

Joshua couldn't finish.

Jeonghan understood anyway. "I'll love you from wherever you let me."

Joshua's eyes stung. "That's unfair."

"I know."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It's not."

Jeonghan looked away. "I've spent every day since the accident trying to convince myself that I should let you go."

Joshua's breath caught. "Why?"

"Because you deserve a choice."

He finally looked at Joshua.

"And if I stay close to you, I'm afraid you'll choose me because you feel like you have to."

Joshua didn't know what to say.

Jeonghan turned toward the door. "Goodnight, Joshua."

"Jeonghan."

He stopped.

Joshua stared at his back. "Stay."

Jeonghan didn't move.

"Just tonight."

A long silence.

"Nothing has to happen."

Jeonghan's shoulders lowered. "I know."

He walked back.

Instead of getting into the bed, he sat on the floor beside it, his back against the mattress.

Joshua stared. "What are you doing?"

"You asked me to stay."

"You can sleep on the bed."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't trust myself."

Joshua's heart twisted.

He slowly lay down.

After a while, his hand slipped over the edge of the mattress.

It landed against Jeonghan's hair.

Both of them froze.

Joshua almost pulled away.

But something stopped him.

His fingers gently brushed through Jeonghan's hair.

Jeonghan closed his eyes.

Neither spoke.

And somewhere in Joshua's mind, a memory flickered.

A dark bedroom.

Jeonghan asleep beside him.

Joshua's fingers tangled in his hair.

His own sleepy voice whispering,

"Stay."

Joshua's breath caught.

The memory vanished.

He stared into the darkness.

Jeonghan didn't know.

Joshua didn't tell him.

Not yet.

Because for the first time, Joshua had remembered something on his own.

And he wanted to keep it.

Just for himself.

Joshua didn't tell Jeonghan about the memory.

Not the next morning.

Not the day after.

Not even when Jeonghan quietly asked if he'd slept well.

Because Joshua wasn't sure what it meant.

It had only been a few seconds.

A dark bedroom.

Jeonghan asleep.

His own fingers in Jeonghan's hair.

And the word stay.

Maybe it wasn't even real.

Maybe his mind was simply filling in the blanks.

So he kept it to himself.

But something had changed.

Joshua started noticing things.

Small things.

Things he would have overlooked before.

Like how Jeonghan always knocked before entering his room now.

Even when Joshua was expecting him.

Like how he never touched Joshua without asking.

Like how he remembered Joshua's medication schedule better than Joshua did.

Like how, whenever Joshua complained about his headaches, Jeonghan's expression tightened before he carefully hid it.

And like how Jeonghan never smoked anymore.

Joshua hadn't seen him smoke since that night on the terrace.

Not once.

One afternoon, Joshua found him in the study. "You're working again."

Jeonghan glanced up. "Unfortunately."

Joshua walked in.

"What are you doing?"

"Contracts."

"Do you understand them?"

Jeonghan stared at him. "Joshua."

"What?"

"You asked me that yesterday."

"I forgot."

"I noticed."

Joshua smiled.

Jeonghan tried not to smile back.

He failed.

Joshua noticed. "Was that a smile?"

"No."

"It was."

"You imagined it."

Joshua laughed.

For a moment, things felt easy.

Then Jeonghan's expression changed.

He looked away.

Joshua's smile faded.

There it was again.

That wall.

Joshua hated it.

He walked toward the desk. "Why do you keep doing that?"

Jeonghan looked up. "Doing what?"

"Getting close, then pulling away."

Jeonghan was silent. "You laugh with me."

Silence.

"You make breakfast for me."

Silence.

"You sit with me when I can't sleep."

Still nothing.

"And then the next morning, you act like none of it happened."

Jeonghan leaned back in his chair. "Because I don't want you to misunderstand."

"Misunderstand what?"

"Us."

Joshua frowned. "There is no us."

Jeonghan's expression tightened. "Exactly."

Joshua stared at him. "Then why are you wearing your wedding ring?"

Jeonghan looked down at his hand.

The ring was simple.

Silver.

Joshua remembered seeing it before.

He had never asked about it.

"Why do you still wear it?" Joshua asked.

Jeonghan's thumb brushed over the band. "Because I'm still married."

"Even though I don't remember?"

"You're still my husband."

Joshua looked at his own hand.

His ring wasn't there.

He had taken it off after waking up in the hospital.

Jeonghan had never asked him to put it back on.

"Where is mine?"

"In the safe."

Joshua looked up. "You kept it?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you took it off."

Jeonghan's voice was quiet. "I didn't want to decide whether you should wear it."

Joshua stared at him.

There were so many things about Jeonghan that didn't make sense.

The man who had once threatened him into marriage was now terrified of making a decision for him.

Joshua stepped closer. "Give it to me."

Jeonghan froze. "What?"

"My ring."

"Why?"

"I want to see it."

Jeonghan hesitated before getting up.

He walked to the safe and entered the code.

Joshua watched him take out a small velvet box.

Jeonghan held it out.

Joshua opened it.

His wedding ring.

He picked it up.

It was warm from Jeonghan's hand.

Joshua turned it over.

There were tiny initials engraved inside.

Y.J.

J.H.

His and Jeonghan's.

His throat tightened.

"Why does this feel familiar?"

Jeonghan didn't answer.

Joshua slipped the ring onto his finger.

It fit perfectly.

Jeonghan's eyes dropped to it.

Neither of them spoke.

Joshua suddenly felt overwhelmed.

He pulled the ring off again.

"Sorry."

Jeonghan's expression fell. "I didn't mean..."

"It's okay."

Joshua placed the ring back into the box.

He handed it to Jeonghan. "Keep it."

Jeonghan nodded.

He closed the box.

That night, Joshua dreamed.

He was standing in the same kitchen.

But everything looked different.

Warmer.

Lived-in.

Jeonghan was behind him.

His arms were around Joshua's waist.

Joshua could hear himself laughing.

"You'll burn it."

"I won't."

"You already burned it."

"It's supposed to be like that."

"No, it isn't."

Jeonghan laughed.

Joshua turned around.

He couldn't see his face.

But he knew.

He knew exactly who it was.

He woke up suddenly.

His heart was pounding.

For a moment, he couldn't breathe.

Then he heard something.

A voice.

Soft.

Familiar.

"Shua."

Joshua sat upright.

The room was empty.

He pressed his hand against his chest.

It was only a dream.

Only a dream.

But when he looked down at his hand, his fingers were trembling.

And for the first time, Joshua realised something terrifying.

His memories weren't gone.

They were buried.

And every time Jeonghan got close, they seemed to come looking for him.

The appointments started picking up the following week.

At first, Joshua went alone.

The neurologist had explained that recovery from retrograde amnesia could be unpredictable. Some memories might return gradually. Others might never come back. Trying to force them could make Joshua more distressed, so they would focus on helping him build a life around what he could remember.

Joshua hated that answer.

He wanted something definite.

A timeline.

A guarantee.

Instead, he had uncertainty.

At his third appointment, Jeonghan asked if he could come.

Joshua looked up from his phone. "You want to?"

Jeonghan was standing by the doorway. "If you're comfortable with it."

Joshua studied him. "You've never come before."

"You didn't ask me to."

Joshua was quiet for a moment. "Come."

Jeonghan nodded. "Okay."

That became their routine.

Every appointment, Jeonghan sat in the waiting room.

He never answered for Joshua.

Never interrupted.

Never corrected him.

He simply sat beside him and listened.

The first time, Joshua noticed.

The second time, he started expecting it.

By the fourth appointment, Joshua realised he felt calmer whenever Jeonghan was there.

It annoyed him.

Mostly because he didn't understand why.

"How have the headaches been?" The neurologist looked through Joshua's file.

"Better."

"Any new memory fragments?"

Joshua hesitated. "A few."

Jeonghan sat quietly beside him.

"What kind?"

"Dreams, mostly."

"About?"

Joshua glanced at Jeonghan.

The Alpha didn't react.

Joshua looked back at the doctor. "Home."

"Your childhood home?"

"No."

Joshua swallowed. "This house."

The neurologist nodded. "That's interesting."

"Is it?"

"It can be a sign that your brain is beginning to access stored memories. But don't force yourself to remember details."

Joshua nodded. "Sometimes I hear voices."

"Whose?"

Joshua hesitated again. "His."

His eyes flickered toward Jeonghan.

Jeonghan remained completely still.

The doctor noticed. "Do you recognise what he's saying?"

"Sometimes."

"What?"

Joshua looked down at his hands. "Usually my name."

Jeonghan's fingers curled slightly against his knee.

The doctor continued. "And how does that make you feel?"

Joshua thought about it. "Safe."

Jeonghan looked at him.

Joshua didn't notice.

The appointment continued for another twenty minutes.

When it ended, Joshua stood.

Jeonghan immediately rose too.

Outside the clinic, neither spoke.

They walked toward the car.

Finally, Joshua said, "You didn't say anything."

Jeonghan looked at him. "About what?"

"The appointment."

"You were talking."

"You usually have something to say."

"Not when it isn't my place."

Joshua stared at him. "You've changed."

Jeonghan's expression remained calm. "I had to."

Joshua didn't know what that meant.

He got into the car.

Jeonghan closed the door for him.

The drive home was quiet.

Halfway there, Joshua spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What were you like during my appointments before the accident? You know... check-ups and stuff."

Jeonghan's eyes stayed on the road. "I wasn't always allowed inside."

"Why?"

"Sometimes you wanted privacy."

Joshua frowned. "Did you respect that?"

"Eventually."

Joshua looked out the window. "Eventually?"

Jeonghan gave a quiet laugh. "I wasn't very good at respecting your boundaries."

Joshua looked at him. "You're being very honest."

"You deserve honesty."

"Even if it makes you look bad?"

"Especially then."

Joshua went quiet.

He looked at Jeonghan's hands on the steering wheel.

A memory flickered.

Those hands.

On a steering wheel.

His own hand resting over Jeonghan's.

A quiet road.

Rain against the windshield.

Joshua laughing.

He blinked.

The memory disappeared.

"Jeonghan."

"Hm?"

"Pull over."

Jeonghan immediately slowed the car. "What's wrong?"

"I..."

Joshua pressed his fingers against his temple. "I saw something."

Jeonghan pulled into a quiet parking area.

He turned toward Joshua but didn't touch him.

"What did you see?"

"You."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"What were we doing?"

"Driving."

"Where?"

"I don't know."

"Was I driving?"

Joshua nodded.

"And me?"

"You were holding my hand."

Jeonghan's breath caught.

Joshua looked down. "I remember rain."

Jeonghan stared at him. "Anything else?"

Joshua shook his head. "It disappeared."

"That's okay."

Joshua looked at him. "You keep saying that."

"Because it is."

"But you looked happy when I remembered."

Jeonghan smiled faintly. "I was."

"Why?"

"Because it means some part of you still knows me."

Joshua stared at him.

"Maybe."

Jeonghan waited.

Joshua looked at him for a long moment.

Then, almost unconsciously, he reached across the center console.

His fingers settled gently over Jeonghan's hand.

Jeonghan went completely still.

Joshua felt something warm spread through his chest.

Neither moved.

After a few seconds, Joshua whispered, "I don't remember doing this."

Jeonghan's voice was barely audible. "I do."

Joshua looked at their hands. "Was I always the one who reached first?"

Jeonghan's lips curved into the smallest smile. "Usually."

Joshua didn't pull away.

For the rest of the drive, their hands stayed together.

And neither of them mentioned that this was the first time Joshua had touched Jeonghan without being asked.

Not because of a memory.

Not because of their marriage.

Not because someone had told him to.

Because he wanted to.

And for Jeonghan, that small choice meant more than anything his forgotten husband could have remembered.

Jeonghan was at work most days.

That meant Joshua had the mansion to himself.

At first, he stayed in his bedroom.

He watched movies.

Read books.

Scrolled through his phone.

Occasionally, Seungkwan or Minghao would come over and keep him company.

But after a while, the quiet started getting to him.

There were too many rooms.

Too many locked doors.

Too many things he apparently owned but couldn't remember choosing.

So one afternoon, Joshua decided to explore.

He started upstairs.

The mansion was much bigger than he'd realised.

There was a library, a music room, a private gym, several guest bedrooms and an entire hallway that seemed to belong exclusively to Jeonghan's office and study.

Joshua wandered through each room slowly.

Nothing.

Until he found a small door at the end of the hallway.

It wasn't locked.

He pushed it open.

Inside was a storage room.

Boxes were stacked neatly against the walls.

Joshua almost closed the door again.

Then he noticed his name written on one of them.

JOSHUA.

He froze.

He crouched down and opened it.

Inside were things from his life.

Old notebooks.

Photographs.

A concert ticket.

A dried flower.

A small stuffed rabbit.

Joshua picked it up.

He stared at it.

He knew it.

His fingers tightened around the soft fabric.

A memory flashed.

He was sitting on the floor.

Jeonghan was beside him.

"You bought this?"

"No."

"Then why do you have it?"

"You gave it to me."

Joshua laughed.

"I did not."

"You did."

"When?"

"After you lost a bet."

"I would never."

"You absolutely would."

The memory disappeared.

Joshua gasped.

He dropped the rabbit.

His heart hammered.

He crouched there, breathing heavily.

That had been real.

He knew it.

It wasn't a dream.

He picked up the rabbit again.

There was a tiny tag attached to it.

In faded ink, someone had written:

For Hannie, because you said you wanted something cute.

Joshua stared at it.

"Hannie."

His own voice.

Calling Jeonghan that.

His chest hurt.

He placed the rabbit carefully back into the box.

Then he noticed another box.

This one was filled with photographs.

He opened it.

The first photograph was of Joshua and Seungkwan.

The next was Minghao.

Then their friends.

Then Jeonghan.

Joshua stopped.

It was a picture of them sitting on the floor of the living room.

Joshua was asleep.

His head rested on Jeonghan's shoulder.

Jeonghan was smiling at the camera.

Joshua flipped it over.

There was writing on the back.

He says he doesn't like sleeping on me.

Joshua smiled faintly.

Another line had been added beneath it.

He does it every night.

Joshua laughed.

The sound echoed through the storage room.

And suddenly another memory came.

Jeonghan lying on the couch.

Joshua curled against him.

"You're uncomfortable."

"I'm fine."

"Your neck is going to hurt."

"Stop talking."

"You're using me as a pillow."

"You're warm."

Jeonghan laughing.

Joshua's own sleepy voice.

"Shut up."

The memory vanished.

Joshua sat down on the floor.

His eyes were wet.

He pressed his hands over his face.

There were pieces.

So many pieces.

But none of them stayed long enough.

He reached for another photograph.

This one showed Jeonghan standing in the kitchen.

Joshua was behind him, arms wrapped around his waist.

Jeonghan was holding a pan.

Joshua's chin rested against his shoulder.

Joshua stared at the picture.

Another memory.

Warm kitchen.

The smell of food.

Jeonghan's voice.

"Shua, you're going to make me drop this."

"Then drop it."

"We're eating that."

"You can order something."

"You said you wanted this."

"I changed my mind."

"You always change your mind."

Joshua laughing.

Jeonghan turning his head.

Their noses almost touching.

The memory disappeared.

Joshua's fingers trembled.

He put the photograph down.

He couldn't keep doing this.

But he couldn't stop.

He opened another box.

This one contained letters.

Not love letters.

Not exactly.

Just scraps of paper.

Notes.

Things Jeonghan had written.

Buy Shua strawberries.

He hates when the tea is too hot.

Call the doctor if his headaches get worse.

Don't work late tonight.

He likes the window open when he sleeps.

Joshua stared at the last one.

It wasn't written in Jeonghan's usual neat handwriting.

It was messier.

Almost rushed.

He turned it over.

There was another sentence.

He said he feels safe when I'm here.

Joshua's breath caught.

He couldn't remember saying it.

But he believed it.

Because he remembered the feeling.

Jeonghan beside him.

His hand around Joshua's.

Warm.

Safe.

Loved.

Joshua closed his eyes.

"Why can't I remember you?"

His voice cracked.

He didn't notice the footsteps approaching the room.

"Joshua?"

He startled.

Jeonghan stood in the doorway.

He had come home early.

His eyes immediately moved to the open boxes.

Then to Joshua.

Then back to the photographs.

His face went pale.

"You found these."

Joshua nodded.

"I was looking around."

Jeonghan stepped inside.

"Are you okay?"

"I remember things."

Jeonghan stopped.

"What?"

"Not everything."

Joshua picked up the stuffed rabbit.

"But little things."

Jeonghan stared at it.

"You remember this?"

"I remember giving it to you."

Jeonghan's lips parted.

Joshua looked at him.

"You wanted something cute."

A tiny smile appeared on Jeonghan's face.

"You said I was too old for stuffed animals."

"You were."

"I still kept it."

"I noticed."

They both laughed quietly.

Then Joshua's expression softened.

"Why did you keep everything?"

Jeonghan looked around the room.

"Because I was afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of forgetting."

Joshua frowned.

"But you didn't have amnesia."

"No."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"I was afraid you'd leave."

Joshua went quiet.

Jeonghan reached for one of the photographs.

"This was before the accident."

"I know."

"You were happier."

Joshua studied the picture.

"I think I was."

Jeonghan's eyes dropped.

"I don't want to tell you what you felt."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to put memories in your head that aren't yours."

Joshua looked at him.

"You could."

"I know."

"You could tell me anything."

"I know."

"And I'd probably believe you."

Jeonghan nodded.

"That's why I won't."

Joshua stared at him.

For a moment, he saw something in Jeonghan's eyes.

Fear.

Not fear of Joshua.

Fear of having power over him again.

Joshua slowly reached for Jeonghan's hand.

Jeonghan looked down.

Joshua intertwined their fingers.

Neither spoke.

A memory flickered.

A bedroom.

Darkness.

Jeonghan whispering,

"You trust me?"

Joshua's own voice answered.

"I do."

Joshua's eyes widened.

He pulled away.

Jeonghan immediately noticed.

"What happened?"

Joshua shook his head.

"Nothing."

"Joshua."

"I just..."

He looked at the photographs scattered around them.

"I think I trusted you."

Jeonghan's expression crumpled for half a second.

Then he nodded.

"You did."

Joshua looked at him.

"Maybe that's what I'm trying to find again."

Jeonghan swallowed.

"I'll wait."

Joshua didn't know how long it would take.

Five days.

Five months.

Maybe years.

But as he stood in the room full of forgotten pieces of their life, he realised something.

He wasn't searching for the old Joshua anymore.

He was searching for the reason that old Joshua had chosen Jeonghan.

And perhaps, little by little, he was starting to understand.

After that day, Joshua started wandering the house more often.

Not because he expected to suddenly remember everything.

He just wanted to know the place he'd apparently called home for more than a year.

And strangely, the house seemed to know him.

The kitchen was the easiest.

He knew where the mugs were without looking.

He knew which cabinet held the snacks.

He knew exactly which drawer contained the chopsticks.

The first time he realised it, he stood in front of the open cabinet for several seconds.

"Huh."

He reached for a particular mug.

It was plain white with a tiny blue flower painted near the handle.

He didn't remember buying it.

Yet his hand had gone directly to it.

Jeonghan walked into the kitchen.

"You found your mug."

Joshua looked at him.

"My mug?"

"You always use that one."

"I do?"

"You used to refuse any other mug."

Joshua looked down at it.

"Why?"

Jeonghan shrugged.

"You said it made your tea taste better."

Joshua stared.

"That's ridiculous."

"I know."

A smile tugged at Jeonghan's lips.

"You also insisted I was imagining things."

Joshua smiled.

"Sounds like me."

Jeonghan watched him quietly.

Joshua noticed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You look like you're about to cry."

"I'm not."

"You are."

Jeonghan looked away.

Joshua didn't push.

Instead, he filled the mug with water.

And without thinking, he grabbed another cup.

He placed it beside Jeonghan's usual seat.

Jeonghan stared at it.

Joshua frowned.

"What?"

"You remembered."

"I didn't."

"You knew which one was mine."

Joshua looked at the cup.

His brow furrowed.

"I guess I did."

Jeonghan didn't say anything.

He simply sat down.

Joshua sat opposite him.

For a while, they drank in silence.

It felt natural.

Too natural.

A few days later, Joshua found another familiar place.

The library.

He had been searching for a book when he noticed a small indentation in one of the shelves.

His fingers brushed over it.

Something clicked.

A hidden drawer opened.

Joshua jumped.

Inside were several envelopes.

He picked one up.

His name was written on it.

Shua.

Joshua's heart skipped.

He opened it.

There was only a single piece of paper.

You said you wanted to leave.

Joshua stopped breathing.

He read the rest.

I won't stop you.

His hands began trembling.

I know I have no right to ask you to stay.

Another line.

But if you choose to stay, I promise I'll spend the rest of my life becoming someone you don't have to be afraid of.

Joshua stared at the words.

He didn't know when it had been written.

He didn't know whether he'd ever read it.

But he remembered the feeling.

Fear.

Anger.

And something else.

Hope.

He sat down on the floor.

The memory came slowly.

Jeonghan standing in front of him.

His eyes red.

Joshua crying.

"You can't keep me here."

"I know."

"You can't decide everything for me."

"I know."

"Then let me go."

Jeonghan had stepped aside.

The door had been open.

Joshua remembered staring at it.

He could have left.

He hadn't.

The memory disappeared.

Joshua stared at the letter.

He had stayed.

Not because Jeonghan had forced him.

Not that time.

He had stayed because he had chosen to.

Joshua pressed the paper against his chest.

"Why?"

He didn't know whether he was asking himself or the person who'd written it.

A voice answered from the doorway.

"Because you wanted to."

Joshua looked up.

Jeonghan stood there.

He looked at the letter.

"You found that."

Joshua nodded.

"Did I read it before?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I couldn't give it to you."

"Why?"

"Because I thought it would be manipulative."

Joshua frowned.

"It was written for me."

"Yes."

"Why wouldn't you give it to me?"

Jeonghan looked down.

"Because I didn't want to use your old feelings to create new ones."

Joshua stared at him.

That sentence stayed with him.

He slowly stood.

"You really are trying."

Jeonghan gave a small, bitter smile.

"Too late."

"Maybe."

Joshua stepped closer.

"But you're trying."

Jeonghan looked at him.

Joshua held the letter out.

"Keep it."

Jeonghan's eyes widened.

"You don't want it?"

"I think I need to remember it myself."

He paused.

"Not the words."

"What, then?"

"The choice."

Jeonghan said nothing.

Joshua looked down at his hands.

"I chose to stay."

"Yes."

"Even after everything."

"Yes."

Joshua looked up.

"That means there was something worth staying for."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"There was."

Joshua's heart beat faster.

He didn't know what it was yet.

But he was beginning to suspect that maybe it had been Jeonghan.

Not the CEO.

Not his husband.

Not the Alpha who had once forced him into a marriage.

Just Jeonghan.

The person Joshua had slowly, painfully, willingly chosen.

And that was the part of his past he wanted back most.

The next morning, Joshua woke up knowing where everything was.

Not because he'd been told.

Because his body seemed to know.

He walked downstairs without thinking and opened the refrigerator.

The strawberries were on the second shelf.

The yogurt was beside them.

The juice was in the door.

Joshua stopped.

He stared into the refrigerator.

"Okay."

He slowly closed it.

"That's weird."

It wasn't the first time.

It was becoming a pattern.

His mind forgot.

His body remembered.

He knew which floorboard creaked outside the study.

He knew which window in the living room stuck when it rained.

He knew the exact amount of sugar he liked in his tea.

He even knew that Jeonghan hated having the curtains completely closed during the day.

He couldn't remember learning any of it.

He simply knew.

Joshua made himself a cup of tea and wandered into the living room.

His eyes immediately went to the piano.

He had never played it since waking up.

Something about it made him uncomfortable.

He walked toward it anyway.

The lid was closed.

Joshua lifted it.

The keys stared back at him.

He hesitated before pressing one.

A soft note filled the room.

Something inside him shifted.

His fingers moved.

One key.

Another.

Then another.

Joshua froze.

He knew the melody.

He didn't know its name.

He didn't know where he'd learned it.

But his fingers knew exactly what came next.

He played slowly.

The melody was gentle.

Almost sad.

Halfway through, a voice came from behind him.

"You're playing it."

Joshua stopped.

Jeonghan stood in the doorway.

He was already dressed for work.

His tie wasn't fastened yet.

"You know this song?" Joshua asked.

Jeonghan nodded.

"You used to play it."

"I did?"

"Whenever you couldn't sleep."

Joshua looked back at the keys.

"I don't remember learning it."

"You taught yourself."

"Did you like listening?"

Jeonghan smiled.

"I loved it."

Joshua glanced at him.

"Why?"

"Because you only played it when you were happy."

Joshua's fingers went still.

"When I was happy?"

"Or when you were pretending to be."

Joshua frowned.

"What does that mean?"

Jeonghan didn't answer.

Instead, he walked over and sat beside him on the bench.

Not too close.

Never too close anymore.

Joshua looked at his hands.

"Show me."

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow.

"Show you what?"

"How I used to play it."

Jeonghan stared at him for a moment before placing his fingers on the keys.

He played the opening notes.

Joshua watched.

Then he joined in.

Their hands moved together.

The melody returned.

And suddenly Joshua remembered.

Jeonghan sitting beside him late at night.

Joshua's head resting against his shoulder.

Their fingers brushing over the keys.

"You keep playing the same part."

"Because you keep distracting me."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're breathing."

Jeonghan laughing.

Joshua smiling.

Then a kiss against his temple.

Joshua jerked his hands away.

The piano went silent.

Jeonghan immediately stopped.

"What happened?"

Joshua pressed his fingers against his temple.

"I remembered."

Jeonghan didn't move.

"What?"

"You kissed me."

Jeonghan's breath caught.

"Where?"

"My forehead."

Jeonghan looked away.

"That happened a lot."

Joshua stared at him.

"Did I like it?"

Jeonghan smiled faintly.

"You used to complain."

"That isn't an answer."

"You'd complain."

Joshua waited.

"And then you'd move closer."

Joshua's cheeks warmed.

"Oh."

Jeonghan stood.

"I should go."

Joshua looked up.

"Why?"

"Work."

"Oh."

Jeonghan adjusted his tie.

Joshua watched him.

Something about the movement was familiar.

His fingers twitched.

Without thinking, Joshua stood.

"Wait."

Jeonghan turned.

Joshua stepped closer.

His hands moved automatically.

He reached for Jeonghan's tie.

Jeonghan froze.

Joshua straightened it.

Neither spoke.

Joshua stared at what his hands had done.

"I..."

Jeonghan's voice was soft.

"You used to do that every morning."

Joshua looked up.

"Every morning?"

"Almost."

"Why?"

Jeonghan smiled.

"You said I always looked messy."

Joshua laughed quietly.

"I probably wasn't wrong."

"No."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"You weren't."

Joshua's hand remained on Jeonghan's tie for one second longer than necessary.

Then he pulled away.

"Have a good day."

Jeonghan nodded.

"You too."

He walked toward the door.

Joshua watched him leave.

And this time, he didn't feel confused.

He felt something else.

Something warm.

Something painfully familiar.

He looked down at his hands.

His mind hadn't remembered tying Jeonghan's tie.

His hands had.

And Joshua was beginning to wonder how much of his old life was still living inside him, waiting for the right moment to surface.

The strangest part about recovering memories was that Joshua rarely knew when one was coming.

Sometimes it happened because of Jeonghan.

Sometimes it happened because of a place.

And sometimes, it happened because of something completely ordinary.

Like laundry.

Joshua was looking for a clean shirt when he accidentally opened the wrong closet.

He stopped.

It wasn't his closet.

It was Jeonghan's.

Joshua stared at the neatly arranged clothes.

Suits.

Dress shirts.

Coats.

Everything was organised almost obsessively.

He frowned.

There was something strange about it.

His hand reached for a particular section without thinking.

He pulled out a dark sweater.

The moment his fingers touched the fabric, a memory hit.

"That's mine."

Joshua looked up.

Jeonghan was standing behind him.

Joshua blinked.

"What?"

"The sweater."

"You have my sweater?"

Jeonghan glanced at it.

"You left it here."

"I did?"

"Several times."

Joshua looked down at the sweater.

"I don't remember."

"You don't have to."

Joshua held it up.

"Can I keep it?"

Jeonghan paused.

"Of course."

Joshua smiled.

"Thanks."

He turned to leave.

Then he stopped.

His eyes moved toward the closet again.

There were clothes on the other side.

His clothes.

Not in his own room.

In Jeonghan's closet.

He pulled open another section.

More of his clothes.

"Why are my clothes here?"

Jeonghan was quiet.

"You used to sleep in my room."

Joshua looked at him.

"I did?"

"Yes."

"Every night?"

"Not every night."

"How often?"

Jeonghan smiled.

"Often enough that you stopped pretending it wasn't happening."

Joshua laughed.

"Was I annoying?"

"Extremely."

Joshua threw the sweater at him.

Jeonghan caught it.

"You didn't answer."

"You were."

Joshua narrowed his eyes.

"You're terrible."

"I know."

For a moment, they were both smiling.

Then Joshua noticed something.

A small drawer at the bottom of the closet.

He opened it.

Inside were photographs.

He picked one up.

It showed him asleep.

Curled against Jeonghan.

They were in bed.

Joshua's face was buried against Jeonghan's chest.

Jeonghan's arm was wrapped around him.

Joshua stared.

"Who took this?"

"Seungkwan."

"Why?"

"He thought it was funny."

Joshua smiled.

"He's horrible."

"Yes."

Joshua looked at the photograph again.

His smile slowly disappeared.

Something came back.

Not the whole memory.

Just pieces.

The sound of rain.

Jeonghan's heartbeat.

A hand running through his hair.

Joshua whispering,

"Don't move."

Jeonghan's voice.

"I'm not moving."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Joshua closed his eyes.

The memory vanished.

He pressed the photograph against his chest.

Jeonghan watched him carefully.

"Another one?"

Joshua nodded.

"What did you remember?"

Joshua hesitated.

"You promised not to move."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"I remember."

"What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare."

Joshua looked at him.

"And you stayed?"

"I stayed."

"All night?"

"All night."

Joshua looked down.

He didn't know why that made his chest ache.

He placed the photograph back in the drawer.

Then he noticed something else.

A tiny black box.

He opened it.

Inside was a bracelet.

Simple.

Silver.

Joshua picked it up.

There were initials engraved on the inside.

JH.

He looked at Jeonghan.

"What's this?"

"You gave it to me."

Joshua stared.

"I did?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You said you wanted me to have something that reminded me of you."

Joshua's heart skipped.

"When?"

Jeonghan smiled faintly.

"After our first anniversary."

Joshua looked at the bracelet again.

"Do you still wear it?"

Jeonghan lifted his wrist.

A matching bracelet was hidden beneath his sleeve.

Joshua stared.

"You kept it."

"I told you."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"I keep everything you give me."

Joshua's throat tightened.

He reached for Jeonghan's wrist.

His fingers wrapped around it.

A memory flashed.

A restaurant.

Candlelight.

Joshua sliding the bracelet across the table.

"Don't lose it."

"I won't."

"If you do, I'll divorce you."

Jeonghan laughing.

"You can't."

"Why?"

"Because you love me."

Joshua's own voice.

"Unfortunately."

The memory disappeared.

Joshua's eyes filled with tears.

He looked at Jeonghan.

"I said that."

Jeonghan nodded.

"You did."

"I loved you."

Jeonghan's expression changed.

Joshua swallowed.

"Did I really?"

"Yes."

"How much?"

Jeonghan didn't answer immediately.

He looked at Joshua's hand still wrapped around his wrist.

"Enough to choose me."

Joshua looked down.

There it was again.

That choice.

Not the marriage.

Not the threats.

Not the circumstances that had brought them together.

The choice.

Joshua released his wrist slowly.

"I think..."

He wiped at his eyes.

"I think I'm starting to understand."

Jeonghan's voice was quiet.

"Understand what?"

"Why I stayed."

Jeonghan waited.

Joshua looked at him.

"Because somewhere along the way, you became someone I wanted to stay with."

Jeonghan looked away.

His eyes were shining.

Joshua smiled faintly.

"I don't remember everything."

"I know."

"But I think I'm getting closer."

Jeonghan nodded.

"Take your time."

Joshua looked at the matching bracelets.

Then at Jeonghan.

"Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Wait."

Jeonghan's answer came immediately.

"Always."

Joshua smiled.

And this time, when Jeonghan turned to leave for work, Joshua reached out and caught his sleeve.

Jeonghan stopped.

Joshua didn't let go immediately.

He didn't know why.

He simply knew that letting go felt wrong.

So he held on for another few seconds.

And Jeonghan let him.

The next scan was scheduled for Thursday morning.

Joshua had been told it was routine.

Still, he woke up with a strange knot in his stomach.

He found Jeonghan in the kitchen.

"Jeonghan?"

"Hm?"

"I have my scan today."

Jeonghan's hand paused around his coffee.

"I know."

Joshua waited.

"You're coming, right?"

The question was quieter than he intended.

Jeonghan looked at him.

"I have a meeting."

"Oh."

"I'll have the driver take you."

Joshua nodded.

"Okay."

Jeonghan returned to his coffee.

Joshua stared at him for another second.

"Right."

He walked away.

He told himself it didn't matter.

It was just an appointment.

He'd gone to appointments before.

He could go alone.

But when he sat in the waiting room later, surrounded by strangers, he couldn't stop looking at the empty chair beside him.

The scan itself was uneventful.

The doctor asked him several questions afterward.

"Have you experienced any new memories?"

"A few."

"Any significant changes?"

Joshua hesitated.

"I remember my husband."

The doctor smiled gently.

"That's good."

Joshua looked down.

"I don't remember everything."

"You don't have to."

"I know."

"But?"

Joshua sighed.

"I think I'm starting to care about him again."

The doctor was quiet for a moment.

"Again?"

Joshua realised what he'd said.

"Sorry."

"You don't have to apologise."

Joshua looked toward the door.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Is it possible to fall in love with the same person twice?"

The doctor smiled.

"Your brain doesn't determine who you love."

Joshua nodded.

"Thank you."

When he returned home, the mansion was empty.

Jeonghan hadn't returned yet.

Joshua checked his phone.

No messages.

He waited.

Six o'clock.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

At ten, Joshua stopped waiting.

At 11:42 p.m., the front door finally opened.

Joshua was sitting in the living room.

Jeonghan walked inside.

He looked exhausted.

His eyes briefly met Joshua's.

"You're awake."

"Yes."

Jeonghan loosened his tie.

"Go to bed."

Joshua frowned.

"I had the scan today."

"I know."

"You didn't ask how it went."

Jeonghan stopped.

"I'm tired."

"So?"

"Joshua."

"I thought you'd want to know."

"I do."

"It doesn't sound like it."

Jeonghan sighed.

"I said I'm tired."

He walked past.

Joshua stared after him.

"Did I do something?"

Jeonghan stopped.

"No."

"Then why are you acting like this?"

"I'm not acting like anything."

"You barely looked at me."

"I've had a long day."

"So have I."

Jeonghan didn't respond.

He continued upstairs.

Joshua stayed downstairs.

His eyes stung.

He hated how much it hurt.

Especially because he didn't know why.

The next morning, Joshua found Jeonghan at the dining table.

The Alpha was reading through documents.

Joshua sat across from him.

"We need to talk."

Jeonghan didn't look up.

"About?"

"Last night."

"Joshua."

"You ignored me."

"I was tired."

"You didn't ask about my scan."

"I knew you'd tell me if something was wrong."

Joshua stared.

"That's it?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know."

Joshua's voice cracked.

"Something."

Jeonghan finally looked up.

"Your scan was fine."

"You don't know that."

"I know."

"You weren't there."

"I don't need to be there every time."

Joshua's face fell.

"Maybe I wanted you there."

Jeonghan went quiet.

Joshua stood.

"That's the problem."

"What is?"

"You keep saying you love me."

"I do."

"But you act like you don't care."

Jeonghan's expression tightened.

"Because I'm trying not to control you."

"There's a difference between controlling someone and caring about them."

"I know."

"Do you?"

Jeonghan stood.

"I didn't go because I thought you needed to do this without me."

"I didn't ask you to decide that."

Silence.

Joshua's voice became softer.

"I asked you to come."

Jeonghan looked away.

"You did."

"And you didn't."

"I had work."

"You always have work."

"Because that's my life."

Joshua's eyes filled with tears.

"And what am I?"

Jeonghan froze.

Joshua swallowed.

"Am I just someone you live with?"

"No."

"Then what?"

Jeonghan's expression cracked.

"You're my husband."

"I don't remember being your husband."

"I know."

"And you're treating me like one when it's convenient."

Jeonghan flinched.

Joshua immediately regretted it.

But he couldn't stop.

"I don't need you to force me anymore."

"I know."

"I need you to let me choose."

Jeonghan stared at him.

Joshua wiped his tears.

"And yesterday, I chose you."

That silenced him.

"I wanted you beside me."

Jeonghan's face fell.

Joshua stepped backward.

"But you weren't."

Jeonghan's voice was barely audible.

"I'm sorry."

Joshua shook his head.

"Don't."

He turned away.

"Just don't promise me anything you aren't ready to give."

Jeonghan watched him leave.

The dining room became silent.

He looked down at the documents in front of him.

He hadn't read a single word.

Because Joshua was right.

Jeonghan had spent so long trying not to control him that he'd forgotten something simple.

Joshua wasn't asking to be controlled.

He was asking to be loved.

And for the first time since the accident, Jeonghan wondered if keeping his distance was no longer protecting Joshua.

Maybe it was hurting him.

Joshua didn't speak to Jeonghan for the rest of the day.

Not because he wanted to punish him.

He simply didn't know what else to do.

He spent most of the afternoon in the library, surrounded by the pieces of his old life he'd been collecting.

Photographs.

Letters.

Little things Jeonghan had kept.

He should have felt comforted.

Instead, he felt angry.

Because every memory seemed to tell him the same thing.

He had loved Jeonghan.

He had trusted him.

He had chosen him.

And now that Joshua was finally beginning to choose him again, Jeonghan was pulling away.

Joshua closed his eyes.

"Idiot."

He wasn't sure whether he meant himself or Jeonghan.

Probably both.

Jeonghan came home at seven.

Joshua heard the front door from upstairs.

He didn't move.

A few minutes later, there was a knock.

Joshua looked toward the door.

"Come in."

Jeonghan opened it.

He stayed by the doorway.

"I brought dinner."

Joshua glanced at the bag in his hand.

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

Jeonghan nodded.

He didn't argue.

He placed the food on the desk and turned to leave.

Joshua watched him.

"That's it?"

Jeonghan stopped.

"What?"

"You're just going to leave?"

"I thought you wanted space."

Joshua stared at him.

"I don't know what I want."

Jeonghan nodded slowly.

"Okay."

He left.

Joshua's chest tightened.

He wanted to scream.

He wanted Jeonghan to fight back.

To tell him he was wrong.

To do something.

Instead, Jeonghan gave him exactly what he thought Joshua wanted.

Space.

Joshua looked at the untouched dinner.

He hated it.

He hated that Jeonghan had become so careful around him.

He hated that the old Jeonghan, the one who would have barged into the room and demanded answers, was gone.

And somehow, he hated that he missed him.

The next morning, Joshua woke up before sunrise.

He couldn't sleep.

He wandered downstairs and found the kitchen empty.

There was a plate waiting for him.

Breakfast.

Beside it was a note.

Eat before your medication.

Joshua stared at it.

The handwriting was Jeonghan's.

He folded the note carefully and slipped it into his pocket.

Then he ate.

Around eight, he heard footsteps.

Jeonghan appeared at the entrance to the kitchen.

He was dressed for work.

Joshua looked up.

"You're leaving?"

"Yes."

"Again?"

Jeonghan's expression remained neutral.

"I have meetings."

Joshua looked down.

"Right."

Jeonghan hesitated.

"Is your headache better?"

Joshua nodded.

"Yeah."

"Good."

Silence.

Joshua looked at him.

"Are you going to keep doing this?"

Jeonghan frowned.

"Doing what?"

"Being polite."

Jeonghan didn't understand.

Joshua pushed his plate away.

"I don't want you to treat me like a stranger."

"I don't."

"You do."

Jeonghan sighed.

"I'm trying to give you what you asked for."

"I asked you to let me choose."

"And you can."

"Then stop deciding what I need."

Jeonghan went still.

Joshua stood.

"I wanted you at my appointment."

"I know."

"I wanted you to ask me about it."

"I know."

"I wanted you to stay with me last night."

Jeonghan looked down.

"I know."

Joshua's voice softened.

"So why didn't you?"

Jeonghan took a slow breath.

"Because I was afraid."

Joshua blinked.

"Of what?"

"Of wanting too much."

Joshua stared at him.

Jeonghan's hands tightened at his sides.

"When you asked me to come to your appointment, I wanted to cancel everything."

Joshua said nothing.

"I wanted to sit beside you."

His voice became quieter.

"I wanted to hold your hand."

Joshua's throat tightened.

"I wanted to be the first person you saw when you came out."

Jeonghan looked away.

"But I remembered what you said."

"What did I say?"

"That you wanted to choose me."

Joshua's heart thudded.

"And I thought if I went, I'd make that choice harder."

Joshua shook his head.

"You're an idiot."

Jeonghan actually smiled.

"I know."

Joshua stepped closer.

"You could have asked."

"I should have."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

Joshua studied him.

He still wasn't ready to forgive everything.

But he didn't want Jeonghan to leave.

"Come here."

Jeonghan hesitated.

Joshua held out his hand.

Slowly, Jeonghan walked over.

Joshua took his wrist.

His fingers settled over the bracelet he had given Jeonghan.

For a moment, neither moved.

Then Joshua whispered,

"I don't remember everything."

"I know."

"I might never remember everything."

"I know."

"But when I think about you..."

He swallowed.

"I don't feel afraid anymore."

Jeonghan's eyes softened.

Joshua looked down.

"I feel like I'm supposed to be here."

Jeonghan didn't say anything.

He simply turned his hand and gently held Joshua's.

Joshua didn't pull away.

A quiet warmth spread through him.

And for one brief second, something flashed through his mind.

A doorway.

Jeonghan standing there.

Joshua reaching for him.

"Come home."

The memory disappeared almost immediately.

Joshua inhaled sharply.

Jeonghan noticed.

"Another one?"

Joshua nodded.

"What was it?"

Joshua looked at him.

"You coming home."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"I came home a lot."

"No."

Joshua shook his head.

"Not like that."

He couldn't explain it.

It hadn't been about Jeonghan physically coming home.

It had been about the feeling.

That Jeonghan was home.

Joshua looked at their joined hands.

"I think I remember what you were to me."

Jeonghan's breath caught.

"What?"

Joshua's eyes met his.

"You weren't just my husband."

A pause.

"You were home."

Jeonghan looked away quickly.

Joshua saw the tears in his eyes.

And this time, Joshua didn't hesitate.

He stepped closer.

He wrapped his arms around Jeonghan.

Jeonghan froze.

Joshua rested his cheek against his chest.

For several seconds, Jeonghan didn't move.

Then his arms slowly came around Joshua.

Carefully.

As though he was afraid the slightest pressure would make him disappear.

Joshua closed his eyes.

Jeonghan's heartbeat was steady beneath his ear.

Familiar.

Safe.

And somewhere deep inside him, another memory stirred.

Not enough to surface.

Not yet.

But it was there.

Waiting.

For a while, Joshua thought he was getting better.

The memories were coming more frequently.

A song.

A room.

A smell.

Jeonghan's hands.

Sometimes, they lasted only seconds, but Joshua was grateful for every one.

What he didn't realise was that he was forgetting other things too.

Small things at first.

Things he didn't notice.

He forgot where he'd left his phone.

He forgot what he'd eaten for breakfast.

He forgot that Minghao had called him that morning.

Nothing important.

Nothing worth worrying about.

At least, that's what Joshua told himself.

Until one afternoon, Jeonghan came home early.

"Shua?"

Joshua looked up from the couch.

"Hi."

Jeonghan smiled.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Jeonghan walked over.

"I brought you something."

He held out a small paper bag.

Joshua looked inside.

Strawberries.

His favorite.

He smiled.

"Thank you."

"You said you wanted some."

Joshua's smile faded slightly.

"I did?"

Jeonghan nodded.

"Yesterday."

"Oh."

Joshua took the container.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"I forgot."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"It's okay."

Joshua nodded.

He didn't think much about it.

Until later.

When Seungkwan came over.

"Hyung, did you take your medication?"

Joshua looked confused.

"What medication?"

Seungkwan froze.

"The one you're supposed to take after lunch."

"Oh."

Joshua laughed awkwardly.

"Right."

Seungkwan stared at him.

"You forgot?"

"I've forgotten before."

"How often?"

Joshua shrugged.

"Sometimes."

Seungkwan exchanged a glance with Minghao.

Joshua noticed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Look at each other like that."

Seungkwan sighed.

"You're forgetting more lately."

Joshua went quiet.

"Am I?"

Minghao nodded carefully.

"Little things."

Joshua looked down.

"I've been remembering things too."

"We know."

"So maybe that's why."

Minghao frowned.

"Maybe."

Joshua wanted to believe that.

It was easier than admitting he was scared.

That night, Jeonghan found Joshua asleep on the couch.

He crouched beside him.

"Joshua."

Joshua stirred.

"Hm?"

"Why are you sleeping here?"

"I was waiting for you."

Jeonghan's chest tightened.

"You didn't have to."

Joshua rubbed his eyes.

"I know."

Jeonghan helped him sit up.

"Did you eat?"

Joshua stared at him.

"I..."

He couldn't remember.

Jeonghan noticed.

"Okay."

He stood.

"Come on."

Joshua followed him into the kitchen.

There was food on the counter.

Jeonghan had prepared it earlier.

Joshua stared at it.

"Did I already eat?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Joshua frowned.

"I thought I did."

Jeonghan said nothing.

He served him a plate.

Joshua sat.

Jeonghan watched him take a few bites.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

Jeonghan looked away.

Joshua continued eating.

After a while, he asked,

"Did I forget something today?"

Jeonghan's heart sank.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Joshua looked down.

"I feel like there are things I should know."

Jeonghan sat across from him.

"You don't have to remember everything."

"But I want to."

"I know."

"What if I keep forgetting?"

Jeonghan didn't answer.

Joshua looked up.

"What if I forget you?"

The question nearly broke him.

Jeonghan swallowed.

"You won't."

"You don't know that."

"No."

Jeonghan reached across the table.

He stopped before touching Joshua.

"You're allowed to forget."

Joshua's eyes filled with tears.

"That's horrible."

"I know."

"I don't want to forget you."

"I know."

"Then why are you acting like it's okay?"

Jeonghan finally took his hand.

"Because I can't make your brain remember."

His voice cracked.

"And I can't punish you for something you have no control over."

Joshua stared at him.

Jeonghan squeezed his hand.

"I can only be here."

Joshua's tears spilled over.

"I hate this."

"I know."

"I hate that I remember loving you but forget what I did yesterday."

"I know."

"I hate that sometimes I look at you and know exactly how I feel, but I can't remember why."

Jeonghan's eyes burned.

"I know."

Joshua stood abruptly.

"I don't want you to say that anymore."

Jeonghan looked up.

"What?"

"Stop saying you know."

Joshua wiped his face.

"You don't know what this feels like."

Jeonghan went silent.

Joshua immediately regretted it.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise."

"But..."

"It's true."

Jeonghan looked down.

"I don't know."

He swallowed.

"I just know I can't watch you disappear piece by piece."

Joshua's expression crumbled.

Jeonghan stood.

"I thought the worst thing would be losing you."

His voice was barely above a whisper.

"I was wrong."

Joshua stared at him.

"The worst thing is watching you still be here and wondering which part of yourself you're going to lose tomorrow."

Silence.

Joshua stepped forward.

"Jeonghan."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For saying that."

Joshua shook his head.

"You don't have to be sorry for being scared."

Jeonghan looked at him.

Joshua reached for his hand.

"I am scared too."

Their fingers intertwined.

"I don't know what's going to happen."

"Neither do I."

"But..."

Joshua took a shaky breath.

"I don't want to run away."

Jeonghan's eyes softened.

"Okay."

"Even if I forget."

"Okay."

"Even if I have to meet you again."

Jeonghan closed his eyes briefly.

"Okay."

Joshua leaned forward and rested his forehead against Jeonghan's shoulder.

Jeonghan wrapped his arms around him.

Neither said anything.

They stayed like that for a long time.

After that night, Jeonghan became more attentive.

Not controlling.

Not hovering.

Just attentive.

He started keeping notes.

Not because he wanted to monitor Joshua.

Because Joshua kept forgetting things.

Appointments.

Meals.

Medication.

Where he'd put things.

Jeonghan wrote them down.

He left reminders around the house.

He labeled drawers.

He made sure Joshua always had someone nearby when he wanted company.

And whenever Joshua forgot something, Jeonghan never made him feel ashamed.

But privately, Jeonghan was falling apart.

One night, he stood alone in the bathroom.

He stared at himself in the mirror.

His hands were shaking.

He couldn't do this.

He couldn't watch Joshua forget him.

Not again.

He had already lost the man he loved once.

Now he was losing pieces of him every day.

And there was nothing he could do.

Jeonghan gripped the edge of the sink.

He wanted to break something.

Instead, he breathed.

Once.

Twice.

Until he could stand straight again.

When he returned to the bedroom, Joshua was awake.

"You okay?"

Jeonghan froze.

"Yes."

Joshua looked at him suspiciously.

"You look sad."

"I'm tired."

Joshua lifted the blanket.

"Come here."

Jeonghan hesitated.

Joshua frowned.

"You're my husband."

The words hit harder than they should have.

Joshua patted the space beside him.

"Come."

Jeonghan slowly got into bed.

Joshua immediately curled toward him.

His head settled against Jeonghan's chest.

Jeonghan's arm wrapped around his waist.

Joshua closed his eyes.

After a moment, he whispered,

"I don't remember everything."

Jeonghan kissed the top of his head.

"I know."

"But I remember this."

Jeonghan's eyes closed.

"What?"

"That I like being here."

His fingers curled into Jeonghan's shirt.

"With you."

Jeonghan held him tighter.

And somewhere between the fear and the grief, something quietly changed.

Joshua wasn't rebuilding their old relationship.

They were creating a new one.

Slowly.

Carefully.

One choice at a time.

One forgotten detail at a time.

One ordinary night at a time.

And neither of them knew it yet, but eventually, Joshua would fall in love with Jeonghan all over again.

Not because his memories told him to.

Not because they were married.

Not because he owed Jeonghan anything.

Because, even without remembering the past, Joshua would choose him again.

The next few weeks became strangely domestic.

Jeonghan stopped trying to predict what Joshua would remember.

Joshua stopped trying to force himself to remember.

They simply lived.

Some days were good.

Some were not.

There were mornings when Joshua woke up knowing exactly where he was.

There were mornings when he looked around the bedroom and needed several seconds to remember why Jeonghan was sleeping beside him.

The first time it happened, Joshua panicked.

"Who are you?"

Jeonghan woke immediately.

For half a second, something terrified flashed across his face.

Then he steadied himself.

"I'm Jeonghan."

Joshua stared at him.

"My husband."

"Yes."

Joshua's breathing slowly evened out.

"Oh."

Jeonghan didn't move closer.

He waited.

Joshua looked at him for several seconds.

"I know you."

Jeonghan nodded.

"You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not."

Joshua swallowed.

"I just forgot."

"I know."

Joshua frowned.

"Don't say it like that."

Jeonghan blinked.

"Like what?"

"Like you're already used to it."

Jeonghan looked away.

"I'm trying to be."

Joshua's chest hurt.

He reached out.

His fingers caught Jeonghan's sleeve.

"Stay."

Jeonghan looked down at his hand.

"I wasn't going anywhere."

"Good."

Joshua released him.

And somehow, that was enough.

A few days later, Joshua forgot their anniversary.

He woke up to flowers.

He stared at them.

"What's this?"

Jeonghan smiled.

"Nothing."

"That's a lie."

Jeonghan laughed softly.

"Happy anniversary."

Joshua's expression changed.

"Our anniversary?"

"Yes."

Joshua looked horrified.

"I forgot."

"It's okay."

"But..."

"You've forgotten dates before."

Joshua looked at the flowers.

"How many?"

"Enough."

"Jeonghan."

"It's really okay."

Joshua stared at him.

"You're too calm."

"I'm not."

Jeonghan's smile faded.

"I just don't want you to feel guilty."

Joshua looked down.

"Did I do something for you last year?"

"You made dinner."

"I cooked?"

"Technically."

Joshua laughed.

"What does technically mean?"

"You ordered takeout and put it on plates."

Joshua smiled.

"That sounds like me."

"It does."

"What did you get?"

Jeonghan looked at him.

"Your favorite."

Joshua smiled.

"Of course."

They ate dinner together that evening.

Nothing special.

No expensive restaurant.

No grand gestures.

Just the two of them sitting at the kitchen island, sharing food and talking about nothing.

Joshua laughed so hard at one of Jeonghan's stories that he nearly choked.

Jeonghan reached for his water.

"Careful."

"I'm fine."

"You always say that."

Joshua smiled.

"You always worry."

"Someone has to."

Joshua looked at him.

"Do you ever get tired of me?"

Jeonghan went still.

"No."

"You answered too quickly."

"Because it's an easy question."

Joshua studied him.

"Why?"

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"Because you're you."

Joshua smiled.

"Even when I forget?"

"Especially then."

Joshua looked down.

Something warm settled in his chest.

He didn't recognise it as love.

Not yet.

But it was getting close.

One evening, Joshua found Jeonghan on the balcony.

The Alpha was smoking.

Joshua stopped.

He hadn't seen him smoke since before.

"Jeonghan."

Jeonghan immediately extinguished the cigarette.

Joshua walked over.

"You smoke?"

"Sometimes."

"Since when?"

Jeonghan shrugged.

"A long time."

Joshua looked at the cigarette.

"You stopped before."

Jeonghan glanced at him.

"You remembered?"

"No."

Joshua smiled faintly.

"I just know."

Jeonghan looked at him for a moment.

Then he leaned against the railing.

"Do you hate it?"

"I don't like the smell."

"Okay."

Jeonghan reached for the packet.

He threw it into the bin.

Joshua blinked.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know."

"Why did you?"

Jeonghan looked at him.

"Because you don't like it."

Joshua's heart skipped.

He stepped closer.

"You're very different from what I remember."

Jeonghan's expression became guarded.

"What do you remember?"

"Not much."

Joshua leaned against the railing beside him.

"But the more I get to know you now..."

He paused.

"I like you."

Jeonghan stared at him.

Joshua smiled awkwardly.

"I mean..."

His cheeks warmed.

"I like being around you."

Jeonghan's voice was quiet.

"That's enough."

Joshua looked at him.

"Is it?"

"For me."

Joshua didn't know why those three words made his heart beat faster.

He looked away.

Neither noticed how close they were standing.

Neither noticed that Joshua's hand had slowly moved across the railing until his fingers brushed Jeonghan's.

Neither moved away.

That night, Joshua couldn't sleep.

He lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

His heart felt strange.

He kept thinking about Jeonghan.

His smile.

His voice.

The way he always waited.

The way he never touched Joshua unless Joshua initiated it.

The way he looked at him like Joshua was something precious.

Joshua turned onto his side.

He closed his eyes.

A memory appeared.

Jeonghan asleep beside him.

Joshua watching him.

A whisper.

"I think I love you."

Another voice.

"You think?"

"Shut up."

Jeonghan laughing.

Joshua smiled in his sleep.

When he woke, the memory was gone.

But the feeling remained.

He sat up slowly.

His heart was pounding.

He looked toward Jeonghan's side of the bed.

Empty.

Joshua got out of bed.

He found Jeonghan downstairs, making tea.

Jeonghan looked up.

"Why are you awake?"

Joshua didn't answer.

He walked over.

Stopped in front of him.

Jeonghan frowned.

"Joshua?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

The cup in Jeonghan's hand nearly slipped.

Joshua's cheeks turned bright red.

"I don't know if that's what this is."

Jeonghan set the cup down carefully.

"You don't have to say anything."

"I know."

Joshua swallowed.

"But I wanted you to know."

Jeonghan stared at him.

Joshua reached for his hand.

"I don't remember loving you."

His fingers tightened.

"But I think I'm starting to."

Jeonghan's eyes filled with tears.

He squeezed Joshua's hand.

"Take your time."

Joshua smiled.

"I think I will."

And for once, neither of them needed the past to tell them what came next.

They had the present.

And for now, that was enough.

Joshua continued going to his appointments.

At first, they were every few weeks.

Eventually, the neurologist scheduled them more frequently because the pattern of Joshua's memory changes had become more noticeable.

Jeonghan went with him every time.

He never insisted.

Joshua simply started assuming he would be there.

"You're coming, right?"

The first time Joshua asked, Jeonghan looked surprised.

"If you want me to."

Joshua rolled his eyes.

"Obviously."

Jeonghan smiled.

"Then yes."

At the next appointment, the neurologist reviewed Joshua's latest scans.

"Physically, everything looks stable."

Joshua nodded.

"That's good."

"Your memory recovery is still inconsistent."

Joshua sighed.

"Meaning?"

"You're remembering some things while still losing access to others."

Joshua glanced at Jeonghan.

"Sometimes I remember something from years ago, but forget what I did that morning."

The neurologist nodded.

"That can happen."

"Is that bad?"

"Not necessarily. But I'd like you to keep documenting the episodes."

Joshua grimaced.

"Like a diary?"

"Exactly."

Jeonghan quietly took out his phone.

Joshua looked at him.

"You're already taking notes?"

"Yes."

"You didn't even ask."

"You complain when you forget things."

Joshua smiled.

"I do."

The doctor smiled too.

"Actually, having someone close to you help document changes can be useful."

Joshua nodded.

"Okay."

The appointment continued.

They discussed headaches.

Sleep.

Mood.

Memory triggers.

Then the neurologist asked,

"How are things at home?"

Joshua hesitated.

"Good."

Jeonghan remained silent.

The doctor looked between them.

"Good?"

Joshua smiled.

"Yeah."

He glanced at Jeonghan.

"We're getting along."

Jeonghan's lips twitched.

"That's an understatement."

Joshua nudged his knee.

"Shut up."

The doctor laughed.

"You seem comfortable with each other."

Joshua looked down.

"I am."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

Afterward, they went for lunch.

Joshua ordered something he'd apparently loved before.

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow.

"You remembered."

"I didn't."

"You ordered it without looking at the menu."

Joshua stared at the food.

"Oh."

Jeonghan smiled.

"You've done that before."

Joshua took a bite.

"It's good."

"It always is."

Joshua looked at him.

"Did we come here often?"

"Almost every Saturday."

Joshua looked around.

The restaurant suddenly felt familiar.

The smell.

The music.

The sunlight through the windows.

He looked at the chair beside him.

A memory surfaced.

Jeonghan stealing food from his plate.

Joshua slapping his hand away.

"Get your own."

"You have more."

"Because I ordered more."

"You won't finish it."

"I will."

"You never do."

The memory vanished.

Joshua laughed.

Jeonghan stared at him.

"What?"

"You used to do that."

"What?"

"Steal my food."

Jeonghan smiled.

"You remembered."

Joshua looked down.

"Only for a second."

"Still counts."

Joshua smiled.

"Yeah."

The appointments continued.

One week, Joshua remembered their first vacation.

Another week, he remembered Jeonghan's birthday.

Then he forgot both.

Sometimes he remembered conversations they'd had years ago but couldn't remember what Jeonghan had said five minutes earlier.

It frustrated him.

There were days when he threw his notebook across the room.

Days when he cried.

Days when he refused to leave his bedroom because he was terrified that if he went to sleep, he'd wake up having forgotten everything again.

Jeonghan never left.

He would sit outside the door.

He never forced it open.

Never demanded Joshua let him in.

He simply waited.

Eventually, Joshua would open it.

And Jeonghan would be there.

Every time.

At one appointment, the neurologist asked Joshua to describe Jeonghan.

Joshua smiled.

"That's easy."

Jeonghan looked at him.

Joshua began counting on his fingers.

"Annoying."

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow.

"Controlling."

"Joshua."

"Stubborn."

The doctor laughed.

Joshua smiled.

"But..."

He looked at Jeonghan.

"He's patient."

Jeonghan went quiet.

"He's kind."

Joshua's voice softened.

"And he loves me."

Jeonghan's eyes dropped.

Joshua continued.

"Even when I don't remember him."

The doctor smiled.

"How does that make you feel?"

Joshua looked at Jeonghan.

"Loved."

The word came easily.

Without hesitation.

Jeonghan's fingers curled around his own knee.

Joshua reached over.

He took Jeonghan's hand.

"I think that's something my brain hasn't forgotten."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"What?"

"How you make me feel."

For once, Jeonghan had no answer.

He simply held Joshua's hand tighter.

On the drive home, Joshua rested his head against the window.

"Jeonghan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I'll get all my memories back?"

Jeonghan was quiet.

"I don't know."

Joshua nodded.

"I'm scared."

"I know."

Joshua looked at him.

"But I'm not as scared as before."

"Why?"

Joshua smiled.

"Because even if I forget..."

He reached across the console.

His hand found Jeonghan's.

"I'll still find you."

Jeonghan's eyes stung.

He squeezed Joshua's hand.

"Then I'll keep waiting."

Joshua smiled.

And somewhere deep inside him, memories continued to move.

Slowly.

Quietly.

Piece by piece.

Not all at once.

But enough.

Enough to remind him that before the accident, he'd loved Jeonghan.

And enough to show him that now, he was learning to love him all over again.

Jeonghan had gotten used to Joshua calling him during lunch.

Usually, it was something simple.

"Did you eat?"

Or:

"When are you coming home?"

Sometimes it was even:

"I forgot what I was going to ask you."

Jeonghan never minded.

He always answered.

So when his phone stayed silent that afternoon, he assumed Joshua was resting.

He didn't realise Joshua was standing in his kitchen, staring at two containers of food.

"Okay," Joshua muttered.

"This should be enough."

He had spent nearly an hour preparing lunch.

Not because he couldn't order something.

Because he wanted to make it himself.

He couldn't remember exactly what Jeonghan liked.

That was the problem.

So he'd asked Minghao.

Then Seungkwan.

Then he'd checked old messages.

Apparently, Jeonghan liked a ridiculous number of things.

Joshua had eventually settled on a few dishes he remembered seeing in old photographs.

He packed everything carefully.

Then, after hesitating for nearly ten minutes, he grabbed his jacket.

He wanted to surprise him.

Jeonghan's office was intimidating.

Joshua had been there before.

Apparently, he'd visited often before the accident.

But he couldn't remember it.

The receptionist looked up when Joshua approached.

Her expression immediately softened.

"Mr. Hong."

Joshua smiled politely.

"Hi."

"Are you here to see Mr. Yoon?"

"Yes."

"Does he know you're coming?"

Joshua shook his head.

"No."

The receptionist smiled.

"Then I won't tell him."

Joshua laughed quietly.

"Thank you."

She called one of Jeonghan's assistants and arranged for Joshua to go upstairs.

As the elevator doors opened, Joshua stepped out.

He could already hear Jeonghan's voice from inside the office.

Cold.

Controlled.

Professional.

Nothing like the man who made Joshua tea in the mornings.

Joshua paused outside the door.

He heard Seungcheol speaking.

"The contract isn't going to wait forever."

"I know."

"Then stop staring at your phone."

Joshua smiled.

He knocked.

"Come in."

Joshua opened the door.

Jeonghan looked up.

His expression went completely blank.

Joshua raised the paper bag.

"Hi."

Jeonghan stared.

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought lunch."

Seungcheol looked between them.

Then slowly stood.

"I'm leaving."

Joshua laughed.

"Hi, Seungcheol."

"Hi, Joshua."

Seungcheol pointed at Jeonghan.

"Don't kill him."

Jeonghan frowned.

"Get out."

Seungcheol grinned and left.

The door clicked shut.

Joshua walked toward the desk.

"You look surprised."

"I am."

"I wanted to see you."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

"You could've told me."

"But then it wouldn't be a surprise."

Joshua placed the containers on the coffee table.

Jeonghan stared at them.

"You made this?"

"Yes."

"You cooked?"

"Don't sound so shocked."

"I'm not."

"You are."

Jeonghan smiled.

"A little."

Joshua rolled his eyes.

"Sit."

Jeonghan obeyed.

Joshua unpacked everything.

Jeonghan watched him.

"You didn't have to do this."

"I know."

Joshua looked at him.

"I wanted to."

Something in Jeonghan's expression changed.

Joshua noticed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You always say that."

Jeonghan smiled.

"I know."

They ate together.

Joshua kept watching Jeonghan's reaction.

Finally, Jeonghan took another bite.

"It's good."

"Actually?"

"Actually."

Joshua smiled proudly.

"Good."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"Why did you make this?"

Joshua shrugged.

"I don't know."

He thought about it.

"I just wanted to do something for you."

Jeonghan lowered his gaze.

"Thank you."

Joshua smiled.

"You're welcome."

They continued eating.

After a while, Joshua noticed a framed photograph on Jeonghan's desk.

It was of the two of them.

Joshua was smiling.

Jeonghan was looking at him.

Joshua walked over.

"You keep this here?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Jeonghan looked at the photograph.

"Because I like it."

Joshua stared at it.

Something about the picture felt familiar.

He reached out and touched the frame.

A memory came.

Jeonghan sitting behind the same desk.

Joshua walking in with food.

"You didn't eat again."

"I'm busy."

"I don't care."

"You should."

Joshua placing a lunchbox on the desk.

"Eat."

Jeonghan smiling.

"You always bring me food."

"Because you're incapable of taking care of yourself."

"I have people for that."

"I don't trust them."

Jeonghan laughing.

Joshua rolling his eyes.

The memory vanished.

Joshua blinked.

Jeonghan immediately stood.

"What happened?"

"I remembered."

Jeonghan's eyes widened.

"What?"

"I've done this before."

Jeonghan looked at the food.

"Come here."

Joshua walked toward him.

"I used to bring you lunch."

"All the time."

"Because you didn't eat?"

"Because I didn't."

Joshua laughed softly.

"You're hopeless."

"I know."

Joshua looked at the photograph again.

"Was this from one of those days?"

"Yes."

Joshua smiled.

"Did I make this?"

"No."

"What?"

"You ordered it."

Joshua groaned.

"So I lied."

Jeonghan laughed.

"You did."

Joshua laughed too.

The sound filled the office.

Jeonghan looked at him.

For a moment, neither said anything.

Joshua suddenly felt shy.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You're staring."

"I missed you."

Joshua's smile faded.

Jeonghan seemed to realise what he'd said.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise."

Joshua stepped closer.

"I missed you too."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"Even though I saw you this morning?"

Joshua nodded.

"Yeah."

Jeonghan smiled.

"Then I'll take you home."

"You have work."

"I can work later."

Joshua raised an eyebrow.

"You?"

"Yes."

"Skipping work?"

"Occasionally."

Joshua smiled.

"Okay."

He picked up the empty containers.

Jeonghan took them from him.

"I'll carry those."

"I can."

"I know."

Joshua looked at him.

"You're doing that thing again."

"What thing?"

"Taking care of me."

Jeonghan smiled.

"Can I?"

Joshua hesitated.

Then nodded.

"Yeah."

Jeonghan's smile grew.

"Okay."

As they walked out of the office together, Joshua slipped his hand into Jeonghan's.

It wasn't because of a memory.

It wasn't because he was supposed to.

It wasn't because they were married.

He simply wanted to.

And Jeonghan, who had spent months terrified of reaching for him first, quietly intertwined their fingers.

Neither of them said anything.

They didn't need to.

For once, Joshua remembered exactly why he had come.

He had missed his husband.

The memories returned differently after that.

Not all at once.

Not dramatically.

Sometimes Joshua remembered something and barely noticed.

Sometimes he would be halfway through a conversation and suddenly remember an entire afternoon.

A restaurant.

A birthday.

A rainy night.

The first time Jeonghan had called him Shua.

The first time Joshua had called him Hannie without thinking.

Each memory settled somewhere inside him.

Some made him laugh.

Some made him cry.

Some made him stare at the ceiling long after everyone else had gone to sleep.

And slowly, the empty spaces in his mind began filling.

He remembered their first anniversary.

He remembered the bracelet.

He remembered falling asleep on Jeonghan's shoulder.

He remembered their stupid arguments over food.

He remembered Jeonghan waiting outside the bathroom when Joshua was sick.

He remembered their first proper date after months of pretending they didn't care about each other.

He remembered the first time he'd reached for Jeonghan's hand voluntarily.

He remembered saying I love you.

That memory made him cry the hardest.

Because he remembered exactly how terrified he'd been.

And exactly how happy Jeonghan had looked.

But there was still one part missing.

Something everyone avoided.

Something Seungkwan wouldn't discuss.

Something Minghao always changed the subject about.

Something Jeonghan seemed almost afraid to mention.

Joshua knew there was a memory they were hiding from him.

He just didn't know what it was.

Until one afternoon, it came back.

It started with a document.

Joshua had gone into Jeonghan's study looking for his old passport.

He opened a drawer.

Nothing.

Another.

Nothing.

Then he found a folder.

His name was written across the front.

HONG JOSHUA.

Joshua froze.

He shouldn't have opened it.

He knew that.

But his fingers were already reaching for it.

Inside were legal documents.

Marriage papers.

Medical records.

Financial agreements.

Joshua's eyes moved across the pages.

His heart began pounding.

He turned another page.

And another.

Until he found something that made his hands go cold.

An agreement.

Signed by Jeonghan.

Signed by Joshua.

Joshua read the first paragraph.

His breathing stopped.

The marriage had been arranged.

Not simply suggested.

Arranged.

His stomach twisted.

There were clauses.

Expectations.

Children.

An heir.

A timeline.

Joshua stared at the words.

His hands began trembling.

"No."

A memory hit.

Hard.

A different room.

A year and a half earlier.

Joshua was standing across from Jeonghan.

He was younger.

Angrier.

Terrified.

There were people behind him.

Seungkwan.

Minghao.

Jeonghan's parents.

Joshua remembered the conversation.

Every word.

"You want me to marry you?"

Jeonghan's voice was cold.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You've been selected."

Joshua laughed.

"Selected?"

"You're compatible."

"With what?"

Jeonghan didn't answer.

His mother did.

"For the family."

Joshua stared at them.

Then at Jeonghan.

"You don't even know me."

"I know enough."

"I said no."

Jeonghan's expression didn't change.

"Then Seungkwan and Minghao will lose everything."

Joshua turned toward his friends.

They looked terrified.

Joshua remembered his own voice.

"You wouldn't."

Jeonghan stepped closer.

"I would."

Joshua's eyes filled with tears.

"You're threatening them."

"Yes."

"Just to make me marry you?"

"Yes."

Joshua remembered the hatred.

The helplessness.

The way his hands had shaken.

The way Jeonghan had stood there and watched him break.

Then came the sentence Joshua had forgotten.

The one that had been buried deepest.

"I'll marry you."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"But I'll never love you."

Jeonghan had replied quietly.

"I don't need you to."

The memory shattered.

Joshua dropped the folder.

He stumbled backward.

His chest heaved.

"No."

The study door opened.

Jeonghan stood there.

His face changed the second he saw the documents.

"Joshua."

Joshua backed away.

"You threatened them."

Jeonghan stopped.

"Joshua..."

"You threatened Seungkwan."

Silence.

"And Minghao."

Jeonghan's eyes closed.

Joshua's voice broke.

"You forced me."

"I know."

"You made me marry you."

"I know."

"You didn't even care whether I wanted you."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"At the time, I didn't."

Joshua stared at him.

The honesty hurt more than a lie could have.

Jeonghan took a careful step forward.

Joshua immediately stepped back.

"Don't."

Jeonghan stopped.

"I won't touch you."

"You told me I had to marry you."

"Yes."

"You threatened the people I loved."

"Yes."

"You knew I'd do anything for them."

"Yes."

Joshua's tears spilled over.

"Why?"

Jeonghan's jaw tightened.

"Because I wanted an heir."

Joshua laughed bitterly.

"That's it?"

"At first."

Joshua went still.

"At first?"

Jeonghan looked away.

"I thought you would be useful."

Joshua flinched.

The word hung between them.

Useful.

Jeonghan swallowed.

"I thought that was all you were going to be."

"And what changed?"

Jeonghan looked at him.

"You."

Joshua stared.

"When?"

"I don't know."

"You must."

"I don't."

Jeonghan's voice cracked.

"Somewhere between the first time you yelled at me and the first time you fell asleep beside me."

Joshua looked down.

"You became..."

Jeonghan couldn't finish.

"My husband?"

"More than that."

Joshua's eyes burned.

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you forgot."

Joshua looked up.

"You knew?"

"I knew there were things you didn't remember."

"Everyone knew."

"Yes."

"And you all let me believe..."

Joshua couldn't finish.

Jeonghan stepped closer.

Still careful.

Still not touching.

"I wanted you to have the chance to know me without the weight of what I did."

Joshua stared at him.

"You lied."

"I withheld the truth."

"That's still a lie."

"Yes."

Joshua wiped his face.

"You should have told me."

"I know."

"You should have told me from the beginning."

"I know."

Joshua looked at the marriage papers.

"Was anything real?"

Jeonghan's expression broke.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Everything after."

Joshua shook his head.

"I don't know what to believe."

"You don't have to."

Joshua stared at him.

"Did I ever forgive you?"

Jeonghan was silent for a long moment.

"No."

Joshua's breath caught.

"But you loved me."

Joshua closed his eyes.

Another memory surfaced.

Joshua sitting beside Jeonghan on the balcony.

"I hate what you did."

"I know."

"I don't think I'll ever forgive you."

"I know."

Joshua taking Jeonghan's hand.

"But I love you."

Jeonghan staring at him.

"Why?"

Joshua smiling through tears.

"I don't know."

The memory disappeared.

Joshua opened his eyes.

"I loved you anyway."

Jeonghan's eyes filled with tears.

"Yes."

Joshua looked at him.

"That's what everyone was hiding."

Jeonghan nodded.

"Yes."

Joshua sank onto the edge of the desk.

He covered his face.

He remembered.

All of it.

Not just the good.

Not just the moments that made Jeonghan look gentle.

He remembered the beginning.

The threats.

The resentment.

The fear.

The way Jeonghan had controlled him.

And he remembered everything that came afterward.

Jeonghan changing.

Joshua slowly trusting him.

The first time Jeonghan let him walk away from an argument without following.

The first time Joshua realised he could leave and Jeonghan wouldn't stop him.

The first time Joshua stayed anyway.

The first time he kissed Jeonghan.

The first time he said I love you.

All of it.

Joshua looked up.

"I remember."

Jeonghan went completely still.

"Everything?"

Joshua nodded slowly.

"Not every second."

He looked at the papers.

"But enough."

Jeonghan's face crumpled.

He looked almost afraid.

Joshua stood.

For several seconds, neither moved.

Then Joshua walked toward him.

Jeonghan didn't reach out.

He waited.

Joshua stopped directly in front of him.

"I should hate you."

Jeonghan's eyes lowered.

"You have every right to."

"I know."

Joshua swallowed.

"But I don't."

Jeonghan looked up.

Joshua's eyes were wet.

"I hate what you did to me."

A pause.

"But I don't hate you."

Jeonghan's breath shook.

Joshua reached for his hand.

Their fingers intertwined.

"I loved you before I forgot."

Jeonghan squeezed his hand.

"And I think..."

Joshua took a shaky breath.

"I fell in love with you again while I was forgetting."

Jeonghan closed his eyes.

A tear slipped down his cheek.

Joshua stepped closer.

"But this time, I know exactly what I'm choosing."

Jeonghan looked at him.

Joshua's voice was quiet.

"You."

And for the first time since the accident, Jeonghan allowed himself to believe that maybe Joshua wasn't staying because he had once been forced to.

Maybe he was staying because, after remembering everything, he still wanted to.

For several minutes, neither of them moved.

Joshua was still holding Jeonghan's hand.

Jeonghan looked like he was afraid to breathe.

"You don't have to stay," he finally said.

Joshua blinked.

"What?"

"If remembering everything changes things for you, you don't have to stay."

Joshua stared at him.

Jeonghan's voice was painfully calm.

"I'll sign whatever you want. I'll give you the divorce papers. I'll make sure you have somewhere to go. You won't have to worry about Seungkwan or Minghao. I'll make sure they're safe."

"Jeonghan."

"And the arrangement can be completely dissolved. The family won't interfere. I'll make sure of it."

"Jeonghan."

"You don't owe me anything."

Joshua sighed.

"And you don't have to forgive me. You don't have to love me. If you want to leave, I'll let you."

"Jeonghan."

"I know I said I loved you before, but that doesn't mean you have to return it. I know what I did. I know what I asked you to give up, and I know that falling in love with you afterward doesn't erase any of it."

Joshua stared at him.

Jeonghan kept going.

"I shouldn't have threatened you. I shouldn't have used the people you loved against you. I shouldn't have treated you like you were something I could acquire just because my family wanted an heir. You deserved a choice from the beginning."

"Jeonghan."

"And if you decide that you can't be with me after remembering all of that, then I'll accept it."

Joshua's eye twitched.

Jeonghan continued.

"I'll never blame you. I won't ask you to stay. I won't even ask you to forgive me because I know that isn't something I have the right to demand."

"Yoon Jeonghan."

"I'll make sure you have everything you need. The house, your accounts, whatever you want. If you want to go back to your own place, I'll arrange it. If you want to—"

Joshua stepped forward.

He grabbed Jeonghan's face.

And kissed him.

Jeonghan froze.

Completely.

Joshua pressed his lips against his for barely a second before pulling back.

The silence afterward was almost comical.

Jeonghan stared at him.

Joshua stared back.

"Are you done?"

Jeonghan's mouth opened.

Closed.

Opened again.

Joshua raised an eyebrow.

"If you start talking about divorce again, I'm doing it again."

Jeonghan looked utterly stunned.

"You..."

Joshua smiled.

"You talk too much, H."

"I was trying to give you an out."

"I know."

"You just kissed me."

"I know."

"Why?"

Joshua's smile softened.

"Because I wanted to."

Jeonghan's expression changed.

Joshua reached up and brushed his thumb beneath Jeonghan's eye.

"You keep thinking you have to give me permission to leave."

Jeonghan swallowed.

"I do."

"No."

Joshua shook his head.

"That's what you don't understand."

He stepped closer.

"You're not the one deciding anymore."

Jeonghan's breath caught.

"I am."

Joshua took his hand.

"I remembered everything."

"I know."

"I remember being angry with you."

Jeonghan's expression fell.

"I remember hating you."

"I know."

"I remember being terrified of you."

Jeonghan closed his eyes.

"I know."

Joshua squeezed his hand.

"But I also remember falling in love with you."

Jeonghan looked at him.

"And I remember the moment I realised I could leave."

Joshua smiled sadly.

"You gave me the choice."

Jeonghan nodded.

"And I stayed."

"Yes."

"Not because of the arrangement."

"No."

"Not because of Seungkwan or Minghao."

"No."

Joshua's thumb brushed over Jeonghan's knuckles.

"I stayed because I loved you."

Jeonghan's eyes filled again.

"And now?"

Joshua smiled.

"Now I remember."

He leaned closer.

"And I still love you."

Jeonghan looked almost disbelieving.

"Joshua..."

"Don't."

Joshua laughed softly. "Don't start rambling again."

"I wasn't."

"You were about to."

"I wasn't."

"You were."

Jeonghan smiled.

It was the first real smile Joshua had seen from him all day.

Joshua's own smile grew. "Come here."

This time, Jeonghan didn't hesitate.

He leaned down.

Their lips met again.

Slowly.

Carefully.

Nothing like the desperate kiss Joshua had given him a moment ago.

This one lingered.

Jeonghan's hand settled gently against Joshua's cheek, waiting for even the smallest sign that he should stop.

Joshua leaned into his touch.

That was all the permission Jeonghan needed.

He kissed him again.

Joshua's fingers curled into the front of Jeonghan's shirt.

It felt familiar.

So familiar that Joshua almost laughed.

Because his body remembered this too.

The warmth.

The closeness.

The way Jeonghan always tilted his head slightly.

The way Joshua's hands instinctively found his shoulders.

When they finally separated, Joshua rested his forehead against Jeonghan's.

Neither spoke.

For once.

Joshua smiled. "I missed this."

Jeonghan's eyes closed. "So did I."

Joshua laughed quietly.

"You were so scared."

"I was."

"You thought I'd leave."

"I thought you might."

Joshua pulled back enough to look at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Jeonghan's eyes searched his face. "Are you sure?"

Joshua nodded.

"Very."

"Even after remembering?"

"Especially after remembering."

Jeonghan's expression softened.

Joshua touched his cheek again. "Because now I know."

"Know what?"

"That loving you was never the part I regretted."

Jeonghan's breath caught.

"The beginning was." Joshua's voice was gentle. "But not you."

Jeonghan pulled him into his arms.

Joshua immediately hugged him back.

They stood there for a long time.

No arrangement. No family. No threats. No forgotten memories.

Just the two of them.

And this time, Joshua knew exactly why he was staying.

Because he loved Yoon Jeonghan.

Because Jeonghan loved him.

And because, after everything, they had somehow found their way back to each other.

Not the same way.

Better.

This time, it was a choice.