Work Text:
Nico’s heart feels heavy for what seems like hours, for what feels like an eternity, and he tries, he swears he tries to control it inside him, telling himself that everything is fine and that everything worked out, everyone is okay, he’s okay, Gabi… Gabi is okay. Yes, he is, he has to be, Nico saw him as soon as the race ended, right when they weighed themselves, and Nico touched him, pulled him into a hug, holding him a little too tightly just to make sure he could still feel the vivid warmth of Gabi’s body, to which Gabriel wrapped his arms around Nico just as closely, the two of them holding each other for as many seconds as they both knew they still had.
But no, it still wasn’t enough, it just didn’t feel like enough, somewhere deep inside, there was this urge to hold Gabi just a little longer, just one more damn second, until he could truly be… be absolutely sure. He wanted to feel Gabi’s skin against his, wanted to get close enough to feel his pulse, he just needed to know, he needed the reassurance that Gabi was truly okay.
Still, Nico holds up quite strong despite everything, he goes through those interviews, he does everything that needs to be done after a race ends, he swallows that suffocating urge and tries, but fails completely at keeping his eyes from wandering back to Gabi every second. He feels this need as if it were about to consume him, and taking his eyes off Gabi for too long results in an unavoidable pain that settles itself right in the middle of his chest.
At some point, he asks Gabi if he's okay, which is the obvious thing to ask, of course, but they both recognize the unspoken something that weighs between them, this thing that can only be said and expressed when it's just the two of them, just then Nico can truly feel him, hold him, breathe the same air as him, and simply have him all to himself. Even so, Gabi tells him that everything is fine, and he even smiles a little, though he’s clearly not feeling great, adding that Nico’s quick reaction time was seriously impressive.
That doesn’t make Nico smile, no, quite the contrary, because some look that’s the exact opposite from what one would call happy flashes across his face, transparent enough to spark something like worry in Gabriel’s eyes. Right after that, Gabi insists that everything is fine, especially since he's got a pretty good idea of what's going through Nico's head, leaving Nico almost unable to stop himself from letting himself collapse onto Gabi's body.
It burns, it really burns his stomach, yet it does nothing to ease the torment inside him. Everything keeps flashing by in his eyes, all the possibilities, all the scenarios in which things could have gone wrong, everything he could have done wrong, just one centimeter further to the side, had his hands decided to turn the steering wheel the wrong way, regardless, he can’t do it, he doesn’t know how to accept that everything is okay.
That’s why, the moment he finally manages to have Gabi all to himself, Nico breaks down piece by piece. It starts like this: the minute Gabi opens his hotel room door, Nico doesn’t waste a second, he rushes into the room so fast that a gasp of surprise escapes from Gabi’s half-open lips. They’ll have to catch a flight soon, but that doesn’t matter, not now and not even in the next few hours.
His hands grab Gabriel as if it's the only thing that has any meaning, his brain doesn't care about anything else except the fact that Gabi is there, Gabi's right there in his hands, and he can feel him, Nico feels him. His fingers wrap around Gabi’s arms, pulling him close, pressing their bodies together as Nico shuts the door behind him with his elbow, a soft slam echoing down the hallway, but god, he doesn’t care, he can’t care about anything but Gabi.
Gabi’s eyes widen slightly, but he willingly moves closer to Nico as if he knows their bodies belong together, as if he knows exactly what Nico needs so much at that moment. That’s how Gabi’s chest ends up pressed against his, and that’s how Nico’s face ends up nestled in the curve between his neck and shoulder. Nico breathes in right there, just like that, because he needs to, because he craves him like crazy.
Nico embraces him close to his chest and starts walking forward, causing Gabi to step backwards, trying in vain to hold on to him because the way Nico is holding him makes it hard for him to keep his balance, but it’s okay, Nico is there to hold him, Nico has it under control. "Nico..." Gabi whispers close to him, somewhat out of breath, perhaps because of the sudden change in his movements, perhaps because of the unexpected surprise, or maybe simply because he still feels just as unsteady as Nico.
Gabi’s back eventually hits the wall, though Nico places one hand on the back of Gabi’s head, then carefully presses Gabi’s body as gently as he physically can against the wall behind him, followed by pushing his entire body in close until there’s barely a fraction of an inch between them, allowing Nico to finally breathe the exact same air as Gabi. One hand rests beside Gabriel’s head as he leans over him, so close, close enough to press his lips to his cheekbone, close enough to feel Gabi’s warm breath against his face, exactly close enough to have him entirely.
With a sound that almost sounds like a whimper, Nico kisses his cheek and rests his free hand against his throat, keeping it there, right there, without a single moment of hesitation. “Gabi,” he whispers. “Gabi, Gabi, Gabi…” he continues, his voice desperate, his body seeking the warmth of Gabi’s. Yes, yes, he’s fine, Gabi is here, Nico has him, Gabi isn’t going anywhere.
Nico wants to be brave and wants to have this, wants to try to contain this torment inside him, wants to genuinely breathe without remembering that defining moment, which direction to turn? He could barely see Gabi’s car, he knew he had to react quickly, he did, with years of experience, but nothing ever prepares you for this kind of thing, for this hopeless feeling, no matter how many years go by, it always hurts a little more than it’s supposed to.
And Nico wants to take care of Gabi, he always does, he can hardly remember a time when this protective impulse wasn't there, even though it sometimes seems more possessive than it's supposed to be. But what can he do? What should he do? Just holding him, having him, simply being there with him seems too overwhelming, and Nico hardly knows how to handle it. There are so many things he might possibly want, but what he actually wants is right there in his hands, right in front of him, pressed against his body and the wall, there’s Gabi, completely surrounded by Nico’s larger frame.
But Gabriel just breathes. Gabriel closes his eyes and lets himself be taken by Nico’s hands, just as he had done many times before, but now it carries a burden that neither of them can put into words, nor does Nico believe there’s even a way to put it into words to let Gabi know exactly how this was tearing him apart inside. It was devastating in a real, painful, but very real way.
"It's okay." Gabriel gently wraps his arms around Nico's shoulders, also holding him close. He feels Nico's beating heart against his own, his trembling hand resting against his throat. Gabriel feels it all, every single thing Nico is being so vulnerable as to let him see. "It's all right... I'm okay. " Gabi says it once more, quietly, just so he can hear it again, and it's like a gentle promise, reaching every single piece of Nico that feels so out of place.
Nico’s eyes sting with unshed tears, but he refuses to move even a centimeter away from Gabi. He just can’t... not yet. He just needs this for a moment, a sense of certainty, a sense of security. As soon as he begins to cover Gabi's face with little kisses, however, a single tear escapes from his closed eyelids, trickling down his own face, and Nico's aware of it, aware that he can't keep it down, although that doesn't stop Nico from embracing Gabi tightly as he presses his lips to every corner of Gabi's face. His cheekbones, his forehead, the tip of his nose, his chin, the corner of his mouth, and then, finally, his lips.
The kiss is far from calm and slow, even though it’s as gentle and full of love as possible, because that’s exactly what this is: love, the kind of love that burns deep down inside his soul, the kind that nestles right in the middle of his chest, that reaches out to Gabi in the truest, rawest way possible. Nico barely gives Gabi breathing space, but Gabi doesn’t mind. He kisses him back with the same urgency, the same desperation, and holy shit, Nico wants to drop to his knees right where he is.
Nico wants to trace his hands over his body and keep him solely for himself, Nico doesn’t even stop to reflect on how possessive that thought is, he can’t, not when he won’t let himself think of anything other than this. His tongue slides easily between Gabi’s lips, like he’s ready to swallow him whole, and well, maybe that’s exactly what Nico will do next. Everything is burning, shit, everything feels like it’s on fire, and the nonexistent space between them only adds to this feverish feeling.
Nico himself can hardly breathe as he devours Gabi’s mouth and sinks into every inch of his lanky body. His tongue glides over Gabi’s upper lip before he goes back to kissing him in an even more passionate and intense way, making loud, gasping sounds against Gabi’s mouth.
Slowly and tenderly, Gabi’s hand reaches for Nico’s, which rests on his throat, he carefully intertwines his fingers with Nico’s and holds his hand, squeezing it firmly, letting his thumb trace the veins on the back of Nico’s hand. Gabi softly tilts his head to the side a little so he can get some air, while Nico just presses his own forehead to Gabriel's temple, still breathless as if he were slowly but surely suffocating.
"Hey..." Gabi says as he tries to reach out to him again, placing his free hand against Nico’s face while his other one still keeps a hold of Nico’s hand. "Nico... hey," he whispers as softly as he can.
Nico moves his head back just a little, and Gabriel’s heart sinks when his eyes fall on that single tear trickling down Nico’s cheek. Gabi takes a small breath in, gently letting go of his hand, allowing Nico's arms to fall to either side of his torso, shoulders down, showing such vulnerability that Gabi is his only witness. It’s a fact that Nico wouldn’t let anyone but Gabi see him like this. Just Gabi. It’s always Gabi.
This time, however, it is Gabi who so gently places both hands on either side of his face and leans in, kissing away his tear, allowing Nico to breathe there, letting Nico live there in that moment instead of all the other scenarios that had so haunted his mind. "You're okay," Gabi whispers against his skin, making a promise to him, leaving not a trace of anything but the truth and honest love to weigh in his voice. "We're okay. "
If Nico cries a little more after that, neither of them says anything, but Gabi holds him, Gabi is there with him, Gabi is right there. Nico allows himself to believe that everything is really okay.