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It’s the third time this week, Agott notices.
Third time this week that Coco has started humming a song under her breath while seemingly working on her seals.
She tried not to let it bother her the first couple of times. It’s not like Coco has a bad voice; quite the contrary, actually. But right now, with the headache she’s got and the problem she has been having with solving this assignment, she really could use some peace and quiet.
“Coco.” She starts, pulling a brand new sheet of paper from the pile in her desk, not looking at the girl working on the opposite side of the room from her.
At her name, she stops humming and makes an affirmative sound, “Yeah?”
“Could you stop with the humming? I’m having trouble concentrating.” Her roommate is silent for a few moments but complies.
“Y-Yeah. Sure, I– I’ll stop.” Her voice is a bit shaky, and Agott doesn’t understand why.
“Thank you.” She replies, regardless, coming back to trying to think of the assignment Master Qifrey had given her.
She is almost too focused that she barely hears Coco whisper back
“S-Sorry for bothering you.”
She doesn’t understand why she seemingly sounds so sad.
˚⊹ ₊❤︎₊ ⊹˚
It’s the next day that the subject is brought up again.
Not by Coco or Agott, but by Tetia of all people.
She and her friend are washing dishes after dinner, having been assigned the duty while Coco and Richeh were responsible for doing it after lunch that day.
“Agott, can I ask a question?”
Agott looks up from the plate she was drying. “Of course, what is it?”
“Did something happen to Coco?”
She raises an eyebrow. “Huh? No, nothing that I've noticed or know. Why do you ask?”
“She just looked kinda sad earlier– Yesterday too!” Tetia says with an apprehensive expression, and now that it's been mentioned, she did notice that Coco was a bit more down than usual. She is usually so much more chipper in the mornings, and all of a sudden, things changed.
Tetia lets out an exasperated and sad sigh. “She wasn't even singing during lesson time today either.”
“Oh, that?” Agott had noticed that Coco was keeping up with what she had requested, not having heard the song ever since. “I think it's because I asked her not to do it yesterday–”
“WHAT?! AGOTT!” Tetia shouts, and Agott swears there's a bit of a ringing inside her head now.
“Stars, Tetia! What is it?”
“Why did you do that?!” She is pouting now, letting go of the dishes she was washing and has both hands on her hips.
“What? Because– Because I couldn't concentrate yesterday!”
Tetia huffs, “Agott, do you know why Coco has been singing that song?”
“No? Is there a reason?!” She is much more confused now.
Tetia sighs and puts a hand to her forehead, not caring that it's wet and soapy. “Agott, a few days ago it was Coco's mom's birthday. The music she's been singing is a song her mom used to sing for her.”
Oh.
“Ah– I-I didn't know!” Agott tries to defend herself, but even still, she feels a pit in her stomach, guilt plaguing her thoughts.
“Well, that's true. But even still, couldn't you have noticed that what you said made her sad?”
Agott curls into herself in shame. She screwed up; she's an idiot.
“I'm an idiot,” she echoes.
Tetia's expression softens. “No, you're not, and I'm sorry I screamed at you. You didn't mean to hurt Coco. But still, you should tell her that. Coco values what you think of her a lot, you know?” She does? “I think this is why she was sad, thinking she bothered you with something she loves.”
Agott feels her face heat up, and despite Tetia's attempt to try to salvage her from feeling bad, the feeling of guilt in her gut grows.
She needs to talk to Coco. As soon as she can.
˚⊹ ₊❤︎₊ ⊹˚
Agott feels her hand shake as she stands in front of the door to Coco's private quarters, the knock she just made louder than she intended.
She hears shuffling from inside, fast steps, before a lock is unlocked, and now Coco is standing on the other side of the door, through a small gap.
“Oh, hey Agott.” Agott notices now that her voice is definitely quieter than usual. The guilt twists in her gut.
“Coco, can I come in?”
“Oh, Y-Yes! Sure.” She steps away from the door and pulls it open, letting Agott inside.
The mess in Coco's covers indicates to Agott that she had been lying down before she arrived, a book she borrowed from Agott open on top of the bedding.
Agott looks around, not really used to being in her friend's bedroom despite being her roommate. She stares at the books, dresses, seals, and glyphs she stuck to the walls, the sewing kit that is on top of the drawer–
“So– Uhm– Did you want to talk about something or…” Coco trails off, fingers fidgeting with the hem of her dress.
“Oh, yes, I did.” Agott nods, taking a deep breath. “I'm sorry.”
Coco is quiet for a moment, tilting her head to the side. “Oh. For what?”
“For– asking you to stop singing. I-I didn't know it was something from your mother. And I don't want you to feel like you were bothering me. Because, yes, while it did distract me, I would much rather find a way for me to stop being distracted than to make you feel like you can't miss her.”
Coco is a bit taken back with Agott's words, the fidgeting getting worse before it stops completely.
“Oh. I… Thank you, Agott. I appreciate your apology.” She gives Agott a small smile before nervously laughing, “In truth, I thought that maybe my singing was bad and no one dared to tell me that.” She rubs the back of her neck bashfully. “My mom has a beautiful singing voice; I miss it a lot. So the thought of me screwing up the song she taught me…”
Coco trailed off, refusing to meet Agott's eyes.
“Can you teach me?” Agott asked without thinking twice.
“What?”
“Teach me. The song. Or what it means. I only heard you humming the melody, so I don't know the lyrics.”
“Oh, I mean– if you want that.” Coco shrugs her shoulders.
“I do want that,” Agott says, determined but feeling heat climb to her face.
Coco is silent for a couple of moments before sighing, “You're not just asking that because you feel bad, right?”
Agott gulps.
“No! I mean, I felt really guilty about making you feel bad without intending to. And I kind of still do feel! But that's not why I'm asking you to teach me about it.”
“Then why–”
“My mother never sang me songs. She barely spent time with me, so the thought of a mother having a song she shares with her daughter– It made me curious. I want to know about it.” She steps closer to Coco. “And if that reason isn't enough, I want to learn it because I'm your friend and I want to know about your life before you came here.”
Coco's eyes gained a sparkle for a moment before Agott realized what that was: unshed tears. She is about to apologize when Coco speaks first, rubbing the heel of her hand against her eye sockets.
“It's fine–” Her voice is a bit choked, and she takes in a shaky breath before looking at Agott with determination and appreciation.
She grabs her hand and pulls Agott to sit beside her in her unmade bed, hands fidgeting in her lap when she lets go of her friend's hand.
“I– I don't remember when she first sang this to me. It must've been before my earliest memories, because it's always been there. She would sing when I had trouble sleeping, or when I would sneak into her bed at night. But I think it's something she either created or inherited because no one in my village knows.”
“How does it start?”
Coco's face is a bit red, but she starts humming it anyway, closing her eyes. The melody is sweet and slow, and now that Agott is stopping to appreciate it, it sounds exactly how she would imagine a lullaby to be.
“Does it have any lyrics?” Agott asks when Coco keeps humming, who stops and opens her eyes to look at her.
“Oh, yes, but– I'm apprehensive about singing it just in case my voice is bad.”
Agott doubts that's the case. “I'll tell you if it is, no judgment from me.”
Coco's flush deepens, but after a bit of what Agott imagines to be self-encouragement, she starts singing and… Coco has a beautiful singing voice.
Agott almost wants to chastise her for thinking her voice is bad, but she can't. Because she feels like stopping Coco would be rude and because she wants to hear more.
It's midway through the song that she stops and looks at Agott, shutting her mouth and returning to humming, fingers fidgeting again.
“No, no! Keep singing, please.” Agott feels like she should feel more embarrassed at how whiny she is sounding. “Your voice is… quite good. I'm not lying.”
Coco's eyes widen, her mouth going a bit agape, but she nods anyway, returning to the song, and Agott returns to listening to her.
She can almost picture it, a smaller Coco in the arms of the woman she loves more than anything in the world, falling asleep to the song. Even if Agott has no idea what Coco's mom was like, be it personality or appearance, it feels irrelevant.
Coco loves her; that must mean Coco's mom is beautiful, inside and out.
When the song finally ends, Agott smiles at Coco.
“I hope you can hear her singing it to you again.” She whispers, almost as if she's scared of breaking the delicate moment she and Coco created.
Coco, on the other hand, hiccups a sob, but no tears slip. She only looks at Agott with an ever-so-soft gaze and says, “I hope you can meet her too. Maybe she can sing it for you.”
Agott at first doesn't know why that tugs on her heart so much, but she realizes it quite fast: the thought of a mother singing a lullaby, something she never had even though she's heard it as something common for parents to do.
Agott feels like crying, but she holds it back, turning to Coco and hugging her tight. Coco reciprocates the gesture, and at that, Agott can only mumble against Coco's shoulder four words that feel like removing weights from her shoulders:
“I hope so too.”