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Raleigh didn't know what hit him until it hit him. Literally. In the face.
"Ow."
Herc's expression was appropriately apologetic when he crouched in front of Raleigh, Max panting beside him. His nose throbbed when he touched it, didn't think it was broken and fuck, slobber-wet tennis balls were not meant to be thrown at unsuspecting random bystanders' faces. To anybody else, they might've brushed it off as a mishap but Raleigh had been around long enough to recognise homicidal intent.
And the cold, calculating look in Herc's eyes pretty much screamed 'I'm going to murder you, good and bloody'.
"Sorry, my hand slipped," the older ranger drawled out, all exaggerated vowels and friendly pat on the back. Raleigh winced when the 'pat' nearly sent him stumbling forward. Herc tugged at Max's leash and grinned, looked more like a great white shark than the genial fellow pilot he had always been to Raleigh. "You watch your back now. Bit of a pity if you get into another accident."
Raleigh suddenly felt very, very concerned about the longevity of his life.
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On Thursday, he found a snake inside his room, deposited right in the middle of his bed. The only reason Raleigh didn't run out of his bunker screaming was because the reptile had been placed inside a glass case, a lazy coil of dark brown scales that shimmered underneath the fluorescent light. He stared at it for fifteen minutes until he mustered enough courage to pick up the case and stashed it underneath his bed.
He spent the night reading up on various Australian wildlife and came to the conclusion that Australia really had no business housing approximately one hundred species of venomous snakes, among other deadly animals. The whole country was a fucking deathtrap.
Fucking overachiever.
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"I think your father's trying to kill me."
Chuck scoffed. "Stop being paranoid, Becket."
Raleigh pressed his fingers deeper into Chuck's splayed thighs, scowling at the younger man. "This is all your fault."
"Sure." Chuck lowered himself onto Raleigh's cock and rolled his hip with each downward inch, taking in the considerable girth with much less difficulty that the first time he'd tried to ride Raleigh. Practice makes perfect and all that shebang, after all. He bottomed out with a groan, shuddering as Raleigh bent forward to press open-mouthed kisses on a nipple. Chuck's eyes gleamed like tiny chips of diamond in the shadows of his room. "You can blame me all you want, Rahleigh."
Raleigh soon became too distracted to even remember anything related to Herc and premeditated murders.
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Herc smirked at him from across the Kwoon.
"Uh, sir, I don't think—"
"Indulge an old man, why don't you."
"But—"
"Get ready now, boy. Here I come."
Half an hour later, Raleigh learnt that it was possible for his arms to bend at an awkward, excruciating angle without actually snapping the bones. And that Hercules Hansen had demonstrated at least seventy three different ways in which he could kill Raleigh, bare-handed, if he wanted to.
Raleigh flopped face-down onto the mat, bruising everywhere.
Chuck, because he was a shitty not-boyfriend, clapped loudly from the centre of the peanut gallery that had gathered to watch Herc beat the shit out of Raleigh.
Even Mako was there, her expression torn between concern and amusement.
Traitors, all of them.
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"Did you ask for his permission before you started dating Chuck?"
"We're not dating," was his automatic reply. Mako regarded him in with the infinite patience of someone used to dealing with slow-witted underlings. He scrubbed a hand across his face. "No, I didn't."
Mako nodded. "Maybe you should."
"Chuck's twenty-one!"
"Chuck is also his only son."
"He's a consenting adult! It's not like I'm picking up a chick to the prom!"
"Chuck is very pretty though," Mako said calmly.
Raleigh made a garbled noise of protest and stalked out of LOCCENT, scattering bewildered technicians in his wake.
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It all came snowballing down to a dreary Saturday morning, two weeks since the none-too-subtle death threats had started. Raleigh was feeding a wriggling mouse to the brown snake (which he christened 'Australia', in deference to Chuck's heritage) and had a lap full of Chuck's head, his free hand stroking absently through dirty-blond hair, when the door slammed open with such force that he felt the whole room shudder.
Chuck did his Bitch Face #131 at the imposing figure at the door. "Dad, what the fuck."
"Not now, son," Herc's tone was mild. Raleigh stayed very, very still and tried not to breathe too much. Herc advanced forward, his trigger finger pointed at Raleigh. "You."
He stopped breathing altogether. "Yes?"
"What are you planning to do with my son?"
"Uh."
Chuck rolled his eyes and idly flipped through the manual he had been reading.
Unhelpful bastard.
Herc crossed his arms, a stormy, expectant look plastered all over his face.
"Look, sir," he eventually managed to say. Chuck made a displeased noise when Raleigh stopped petting him and nudged even deeper into Raleigh's lap, dangerously close to his crotch. He didn't seem very concerned about his father's glowering presence and Raleigh hated Chuck just a little bit more. He cleared his throat before continuing, "We're just— Chuck and I—"
Herc squinted.
Raleigh cleared his throat again. "I'm making an honest man out of your son, sir."
That made Herc raise an eyebrow, and had the effect of sending Chuck into a fit of sputtering. Raleigh glanced down to see Chuck turning a very fetching shade of red and really, he should've known better than to expect a semblance of normal emotional reaction from any of the two Australians in his immediate vicinity.
What he didn't expect was Chuck punching him in the face and practically running out of the room.
"Motherfuck—"
"Careful there, mate. That's my dead wife you're talking about."
"Yes, sir." Raleigh clutched at his abused nose and swallowed back the your son's a complete sociopath do you know that comment. "Sorry, sir."
Herc nodded and turned to leave. He paused by the door for a few seconds, thoughtful. "Right then. You have my blessing."
"What."
"I don't expect a lavish ceremony but he's my only boy, you understand? Gotta treat him right. And I have a friend in the registry who'll handle all the paperwork."
"What."
Herc's smile was wide and proud, his eyes suspiciously watery when he said, "Welcome to the Hansen Family, mate."
Raleigh tweaked his broken nose just to make sure that he wasn't dreaming.
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There was a kangaroo pelt draped over the floor of his room that evening, its dark glass eyes glaring at Raleigh as if he was personally responsible for its fate.
He put his face in his hands and groaned.
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