Work Text:
One
Hey Joe. Hope you’re settling in okay. I’m sorry you checked in late and ended up in the middle seat, maybe it was my fault for distracting you but you looked so damn cute I just needed to give you a cuddle. We’ll remember to set an alarm next time. It’s going to be a long flight, get comfy and claim those armrests - they belong to you, so don’t let your seat neighbours take them, even if they are cute. Love you JB, chat to you in an hour.
Two
Hey JB! Surprise surprise I packed some sweets for you. If you haven’t found them yet, there are some mints in the side pocket of your bag. I thought they might come in handy in case your seat neighbours have bad breath. Or if you are having coffee and want to chat with them. I also put some of your favourite gummy snakes at the bottom, they might be a bit squished but they were squishy to begin with? Okay, that’s it for now. Enjoy the sweetzzz!
Three
Joe my man, it should be dinner time for you soon. I had a look at the menu it all looks pretty bad, but I read online that the chicken and rice was the better option. At least the pictures looked okay? Looks better than anything I’ve made. I know you say my cooking is passable only because you love me. Anyways, chicken and rice, JB, not the pasta option. Oh, don’t forget to take your lactase before having the cheese and crackers. Chat to you after dinner.
Four
Tea and coffee time! If dinner sucked, ask them for more of those pretzels in a bag. I found the brand at Woolies the other day and they’re pretty good, I think you’ll like them. Just ask the aircrew if they can give you some extra. Put that sexy smile of yours to good use, I’m sure they’ll give it to you. You know, I bet you’ll look cute as an air steward in the vest and uniform. I would definitely flirt with you if you were working my flight… *silent pause* I’m doing an exaggerated winky face now. Just so you know. Because you can’t actually see me.
Five
Okay so I went down a rabbit hole reading about plane accidents and that plane crash in the Andes where they ended up having to eat each other. Now I’m properly freaked out. That was a bit dumb of me, huh? The good news is your plane only goes near the Himalayas and not over it. If you look out to the right the mountains should be there, except it’s pitch black so you’ll have to imagine it. Sorry. Anyway, I downloaded Thrash onto your iPad so you can watch it again. You love my accent in that, don’t deny it. Otherwise I also downloaded season one of The Dragon Prince for you. Cal always reminds me of you, you’re both so clever and talented. Okay go get comfortable and settled in.
Six
How are you feeling? Do you feel like you need a hug? Okay great, because I’m giving you a big hug right now. Wrap your arms around yourself and do a tight squeeze for me - hold it… okay release. I love you JB. Try and get some sleep, you’re almost halfway through the flight now. I put the Shipping Forecast on your podcast app for you, in case you needed some help sleeping. Chat to you when you’re up.
Seven
Hi Joe, can’t sleep? Me neither. I’ll read to you or something. Oh maybe I’ll tell you about this city kid who moves to a small-ass town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and meets a blonde boy who’s drifting in life, who’s just hanging back and watching. They meet, they make out, they fall in love, some nasty nutjob puts a curse on them and they are haunted forever. It’s not a happy story but you know what? I’m happy it brought us together. You’re the best thing in my life, Joe. Okay, let’s count sheep together so you can get some rest. 1032, 1033, 1034, 1035, 1036… Still with me, JB? 1037, 1038, 1039, 1040… *an audible yawn* Ah shit now I’m feeling sleepy too.
Eight
Okay I’m still thinking about the plane crash and the cannibals. If we were in a plane crash I don’t think I would make it. Like even if I survived and made it to the ground, you know how useless I am in the woods. But if you were there my chances would be so much better. Now, if you looked really worried and I started smouldering in the background, the other survivors would probably give us their food. Or at least we’ll be the last ones to get eaten. At least I’m fairly certain we would be delicious. Not that we would ever want to find out. Okay, go to sleep Joe. I love you.
Nine
I had a look at the time difference, it’s like nine hours between us, so when you wake up for breakfast it’s roughly dinner time for me. I can FaceTime you and we can eat together, if you don’t have plans with family or Adrian? I mean, Adrian’s welcome to eat with us of course. Your family too, if you want to tell them about us? Whatever you are comfortable with, cookie. You’re scrumptious either way. *om nom nom noises* Fuck, I miss you already. I know you have to go to England for work, and you are also going to hang out with family you’ve not seen in ages. Maybe I just wish I was going with you. It’s so silly, you’re still here and sleeping in the next room and I could just go over and give you a big hug. Maybe later, when I’m done recording these.
Ten
Hey Joe. I’ve been thinking about what I would get up to while you’re not around. We have a few Q&As here in Melbs and Shitney... I’m kidding, you know I don’t mind Sydney. *chuckling* But only if we’re there together. I’ll definitely go check out a few electronic nights at the clubs, Adrian’s not really a fan but I’ll try and convince him to come along at least once. I’ll tell him you said to do so, I’m sure he’ll believe me. I am an actor after all. I’ll catch up with a few friends, maybe grab brunch with them while you’re still in bed. Maybe I’ll go to the zoo at Taronga. They have fennec foxes there, I’ll take pictures for you and we can go again when you’re back.
Eleven
You’re probably over Germany by now, hallo and guten tag! Did I ever tell you that the Clausens probably came from there. Either there or Denmark. We are literally the children of Claus or Nicholas. Like Santa Claus, if you will. If you’re nice you get a kiss from this Clausen, if you’re bad this year I get to put you in my sack and have my wicked way with you. I wouldn’t mind either, really… Oh! Guten morgen to you, the cabin lights should be coming on already and they’re going to serve you breakfast. Whatever you do, don’t get the frittata. The English breakfast isn’t much better but at least you get to pick out the stuff that’s actually tasty. Oh, maybe go to the toilets first, everyone’s going to try and go after breakfast and I know how you hate waiting in a queue.
Twelve
How was your English sausage? I know how I like mine… *silent pause* Like it’s your sausage I’m taking about, my Liverpudlian boy. *bright laughter, then an awkward pause* Erm I hope you’re not playing this on speaker because otherwise that would be quite embarrassing. Sorry. Are you getting excited about finally getting off the plane? I wish I was there with you. Even though we’ll probably both be so tired. But then at least you have my shoulder which you can rest your head on. Maybe we can do a roadtrip sometime. I’ld like that. You can get the inside knowledge from your family on where to go and what to avoid. I can do the driving and you do the navigating?
Thirteen
JB, you’re almost there! I’m so excited for you, you might be able to see the lights of Windsor Castle as you’re coming in to land. It’ll still be dark and you’ll need to make your way to Euston for the train up north, but at least you’ll have 5G and we can text. It’ll be around 3pm here when you land. I’ll be home, just tidying our flat. Call me when you can. I love you. See you when you land. I can't wait to hear what shenanigans you got up to on your flight.