Chapter Text
Sera created the group Does Anyone Have A Clean Shirt
Sera added And We'll Never Be Royals, The Scary one, The Scary and Hot one, ugly ass Noodlehead™, Saitama, Moustache Man, STEP ON ME MOM, The Cishet White, Bull, Beautiful Hair.
[1:51 pm]
Sera has entered the chat
The Scary One has entered the chat
Saitama has entered the chat
The Scary One : what is this
The Scary One : wait why am I The Scary One
Sera : oh shit y'all can see your saved names on my phone
Saitama : Sera, explain this.
Bull has entered the chat
Moustache Man has entered the chat
Bull : IS THIS A GROUP CHAT
Bull : SERA U GENIUS
Bull : THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN AFTER CHRISTMAS TREES THAT ROTATE
Moustache Man : uh hello?? I exist ??
Bull : ur damn right
Bull : ur the best thing to happen
Moustache Man : I love u
Beautiful Hair has entered the chat
Beautiful Hair : that's gay
Moustache Man : yes
Beautiful Hair : aw I'm beautiful hair
Saitama : Must be nice
Moustache Man : I can't believe Sera thinks you have beautiful hair?? We all know I have the best hair here
Beautiful Hair : ur being acknowledged for ur facial hair already u don't get to have everything
Moustache Man : that's homophobic
Beautiful Hair : suck an ass
Bull : that's my job
The Scary One : wait seriously what are we here for
Bull: wait is there a way to change my name
Bull has changed their name to The Iron Bull
The Iron Bull : nice
The Scary One : how did u do that
The Iron Bull : it's in settings
The Scary One: kk thanks
The Scary One has changed their name to Cass
Moustache Man has changed their name to Dorian
Saitama has changed their name to Solas
Beautiful Hair has changed their name to Krem
Krem has changed their name to Krem Brûlée
Solas : Could you answer us, Sera?
Sera : wait till everyone's here
Cass : why
Krem Brûlée : the gc's name is 'does anyone have a clean shirt'
Krem Brûlée : sera do u really not have a clean shirt
Cass : wait all this is for a clean shirt ??
Dorian : Sera I've told u that u can put ur laundry with mine
Sera : no LISTEN
Sera : god damn it no I need everyone here first
Sera : where's Lav?
Krem Brûlée : last i heard was she went on an exchange trip with Dagna to The Hinterlands
Dorian : isn't The Hinterlands just a huge giant forest
Krem Brûlée : they have a few universities there I think
Dorian : oh
And We'll Never Be Royals has entered the chat
And We'll Never Be Royals : what is my name wtf
And We'll Never Be Royals has changed their name to Josie
Josie : Sera ur fuckin rude I am royal I'll let u know
Sera : it's not personal I just hate hierarchy and capitalism U know this
Josie : Bih I hate living as well but u don't hear me complaining about it
Cass : U do Josie
Dorian : yeah
Krem Brûlée : Josie ur always complaining
Solas : Very often, actually.
The Iron Bull : usually in the form of self deprecating humour
Josie : I hate all of u
Josie : I gotta get back to work
Josie : I hate having to deal with idiots pray for me
Cass : praying
Krem Brûlée : god is a social construct
Solas : I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Krem.
Krem Brûlée : i always pretend I can't hear u when u talk Solas
Dorian : bye Josie
Josie has left the chat
Sera : is everyone here yet
The Iron Bull : no
The Iron Bull : Josie just left
Sera : kk
The Scary And Hot One has entered the chat
The Cishet White has entered the chat
The Scary And Hot One : I'm flattered
The Iron Bull : is that leliana
The Scary And Hot One : bih u guessed it
Dorian : wtf i was looking for u just now where were u
The Scary And Hot One : nowhere u need to know
Dorian : fair enough
The Cishet White : What Is Happening Here
Cass : Sera needs a shirt I think
The Cishet White : Why Am I Needed Here Then
Sera : I wanted to have the whole gang here but Guess what u right
Sera : bye rat
The Cishet White : Wait What
Sera has removed The Cishet White
The Scary And Hot One : bye bye blackwall
The Scary And Hot One has changed their name to Leliana
STEP ON ME MOM has entered the chat
STEP ON ME MOM : what is happening kids
Solas : We are waiting for Sera to inform us.
STEP ON ME MOM : did literally anyone ask you
Solas : OK then.
Krem Brûlée : sera made this group and disappeared
STEP ON ME MOM : I have places to be people to meet things to see
Sera : can someone call Cullen and tell him to be here
Dorian : on it
ugly ass Noodlehead™ has entered the chat
ugly ass Noodlehead™ : what is this mess
Dorian : us. Your friends
ugly ass Noodlehead™ : unfortunately
Dorian : wait I'm gonna add blackwall back
Sera : don't bother
Dorian : is this because of that one time Blackwall thought he and Lavellan were gonna start dating just bc she told him he had nice shoes
Sera : maybe
The Iron Bull : ur a whole new level of petty
Sera : I'll stand up for Lav she deserves only the best in the world, and Blackwall must've been dreaming if he thought Lav was hitting on him
The Iron Bull : that's the longest and most coherent text I've seen u text ever
Sera : shUt Pu
Josie has entered the chat
Dorian added Blackbeard Stan to the chat
J osie : y'all are still online ?? Wtf y'all doing
Cass : waiting on Sera
Sera : kk so here's the sitch
Krem Brûlée : finally
Sera : so. I'm going on a date and I need a nice shirt
STEP ON ME MOM : finally heeding my advice on having at least ONE shirt without mustard stains on it??
Sera : this is not the time for I Told You So's
Solas : When is the date?
Sera : in 40 minutes
Dorian : HWAT TH E FUC K
Dorian : U TWLL US NO W
Solas : Technically, she made this group about an hour ago with the title stating her purpose for creating the group, quite clearly.
ugly ass Noodlehead™ : so all you need is a shirt?
Sera : anything that will make me look smart
Dorian: that's gonna take more than a shirt hunty
Sera : fuck u SWEATY
The Iron Bull : wait Cullen why haven't u changed your name here
ugly ass Noodlehead™ : well I mean
ugly ass Noodlehead™ : it isn't entirely wrong
The Iron Bull : tru
Cass : I'm not lending you any of my shirts again the last time I lent you my red shirt it came back a crop top
Sera : I HAVE AN EXPLANATION
Cass : KEEP IT
Blackbeard Stan : I Still Don't Understand My Role Here
Sera : WHO ADDED U BAVK IN HERE
Dorian : me i did
Sera : NOTHING. DONT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. IM NOT GOING TO RISK ASKING YOU FOR A SHIRT IN CASE YOU THINK IM IN LOVE WITH YOU
Blackbeard Stan : Is This Because Of What Happened With Lavellan
Sera : SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN SOMEONE WHO TYPES LIKE WVERYTHING IS A FALL OUT BOY SONG TITLE
Josie : Blackwall u should probably ask someone to treat that BURN
Dorian: AAAAYYY
The Iron Bull: AAAYYYY
STEP ON ME MOM: I can't believe you said "Burn". That's like 2014.
Josie: Viv you're like 9 months older than me but that doesn't mean jackshit I know u still laugh at the john cena meme
STEP ON ME MOM: no recollection whatsoever of that
Leliana: lmao viv for real??
STEP ON ME MOM: SHUT up I need to drop this boy who's be asking me out on a date from last semester
STEP ON ME MOM: sera my outfits are all Gucci and you're going to hate them
Sera: that's true
STEP ON ME MOM: I gotta break a boy's heart now bye !
STEP ON ME MOM has left the chat
Josie: you can wear any of my shirts or dresses or whatever sera but they're mostly gold in colour so if u don't mind looking like a trust fund girl then go ahead
Sera: no thanks and no thanks Josie keep it
Josie: kk sure
Blackbeard Stan: Do You Want My Shirt
Sera: just because I dress androgynous doesn't mean I'll wear ur trash bwall
Dorian: I got a pantsuit the other day u can wear that
The Iron Bull: it's a date not a conference babe
Dorian: that's not what u said last night when i wore it ??
Krem Brûlée: that's fuckin disgusting
Dorian: (;
The Iron Bull: :-*
Sera: I'm not wearing something u used for sexytimes dorian tf
Dorian: if it helps,, i wasn't wearing it WHILE we were fucking
Krem Brûlée: please stop talking
ugly ass Noodlehead™: sera I don't have any clean shirts I literally haven't done laundry in 3 weeks because I have like 17 assignments due
Cass: do u ever stop working Cullen
ugly ass Noodlehead™: I haven't had a proper meal in the past 2 weeks and I sleep for a total of 15 hours a week
The Iron Bull: wtf
Solas: You really should have some rest, Cullen.
The Iron Bull: wait sera you hate capitalism but ur going on a date?? That's going to involve money??
Sera: not my type of dates (;
The Iron Bull: what do u mean
Leliana: you're going to Netflix n chill aren't u
Sera: yes
ugly ass Noodlehead™: THATS YM NETFLIX ACCOUTN
ugly ass Noodlehead™: ARE YOU HONESTLY GOING TO POSSIBLY HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE WITH MY NETFLIX PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND
The Iron Bull: that's what the Cool Kids do nowadays grandpa
ugly ass Noodlehead™: NOT TO MY NETFLIX
Sera: ur exempt from this shirt loaning business ur free to go BUT I'm still using ur netflix
ugly ass Noodlehead™: please don't have sex to my Netflix
The Iron Bull: why no more caps cullen
Cass: he's resigned to his fate but he's still trying to dissuade her with whatever strength he has left
Dorian: we acknowledge your mental strength Cullen
ugly ass Noodlehead™: I want to die
Josie: me too hunty u ain't special
Solas: We are all dying as we speak.
Krem Brûlée: tru
Sera: we're going off topic I need a shirt I have 30 minutes left
Cass: I'm not lending u anything bye
Sera: understandable
Josie: u won't like my clothes
Cullen: I'm exempt because I'm giving up my Netflix for this. And I don't have any clean clothes either
Leliana: my clothes are all monochrome and involve hoods
Dorian: u don't seem to want my pantsuit
The Iron Bull: my clothes are too big for u and u know this
Krem Brûlée: i Guess this leaves me as your last option
Krem Brûlée: i have a cotton shirt that I've seen u eyeing before
Sera: ok thanks Krem !
Krem Brûlée: that was fast
Krem Brûlée: wait
Krem Brûlée: You just wanted my shirt
Krem Brûlée: you KNEW everyone else wouldn't lend u shit for some reason or another
Krem Brûlée: YOU KNEW I’D BE THE ONLY ONE LEFT AND THAT I’D LEND IT TO U
The Iron Bull: My chaotic evil child
Krem Brûlée: i can't believe I fell for this
Sera: thanks krem love u
Krem Brûlée: i hate my life
ugly ass Noodlehead™: join the club
Josie: so it's settled
Josie: bye I need to write a stupid proposal
Josie has left the chat
Cass: I'm leaving as well. I have calls to make.
Cass has left the chat
ugly ass Noodlehead™: I have 3 essays to complete tonight bye
ugly ass Noodlehead™: good luck with your date sera
The Iron Bull: she's gonna have sex and ur Netflix will play a large part
ugly ass Noodlehead™: i hate all of you
ugly ass Noodlehead™ has left the chat
Dorian: are u going to leave as well Leliana
Leliana: u don't need to know that
Dorian: that's correct as well
Leliana has left the chat
Krem Brûlée: i hope Sera’s coming over or smth bc I'm not driving to her place
Sera: KREM I've 20 mins till my date I NEED U TO COME OVER
Krem Brûlée: u are the worst person I have ever met in my life and I'm never texting u again
Sera: ur the BEST kremishsushd aclajshsh
Krem Brûlée: burn in hell
Solas: You did say “God is a social construct”, did you not, Kremisius? In that reasoning, hell would not exist.
Krem Brûlée: Hell is where sera exists
Sera: (-:
Krem Brûlée: I'll be at your place in 15 but after that delete my number, delete this app, throw your phone away
Krem Brûlée has left the chat
The Iron Bull: i love happy endings
Lavellan has entered the chat
Lavellan: Woah hey guys what is this
Lavellan: I just got back from The Hinterlands
Lavellan: AWW a group chat !!??
Dorian: LAV
Dorian: Sera made a gc bc she needed a clean shirt for her date
The Iron Bull: Krem is lending her his shirt
Dorian: also at some point we kicked Blackwall out
Lavellan: is it because of that time he thought I was hitting on him
Lavellan: did sera get irrationally angry at him after a while?
Dorian: it's almost like you were always here !
Lavellan: where's everyone else?
Solas: Cullen is busy with assignments, Josephine has a proposal to write, Vivienne is breaking someone’s heart, Kremisius is driving to Sera’s place, Leliana has things to do that we're not aware of, Cassandra has calls to make. This is what I remember, at least.
Lavellan: thanks Solas
Dorian: Hey Lav, now that you're back, wanna go watch a movie?
The Iron Bull: im not watching Rogue One again Dorian
Dorian: how DARE you?? That movie is a MASTERPIECE
Sera: lmao NERDS
Dorian: say it to MY FACE SERA
Sera: I will literally knock on your door at 2 am to call you a nerd to your face
Dorian: stfu
Sera: also hi Lav
Lavellan: have fun on your date sera!!!
Sera: sbhsSGHS SHE’S HERE
Lavellan: GO GO HAVE FUN
Dorian: DON’T NETFLIX N CHILL
The Iron Bull: DO NETFLIX N CHILL
Sera has left the chat
Lavellan: okay fam I gotta go unpack
Dorian: bye Lav rest well now
The Iron Bull: BYE LAV
Lavellan has left the chat
Dorian: babe
The Iron Bull: im right beside u why are we texting
Dorian: so people know how cute we are
The Iron Bull: tru
Solas: Your affection is heartening. You are both indeed cute.
Dorian: no thanks
Dorian has left the chat
The Iron Bull has left the chat
Solas: Alright then.
Solas has left the chat
[2:07 am]
Dorian has entered the chat
Dorian: SERA U PIECE OF TRASH I CANT BELIEVE U ACTUALLY CAME TO MY HOUSE
Dorian: I HATE U
Sera has entered the chat
Sera: good night NERD