Archive of Our Own

A white veil has descended upon Hometown on this bitter December night. Billows of snow traverse the street, spurred on by a howling wind that only seemed to grow more oppressive by the minute. Noelle is sitting on the couch, curled up with her arms around her knees and staring uneasily into a window that may as well be a viewport into a void. An analog clock ticks nearly inaudibly in the background, striking midnight.A blizzard seems to hit this town every December, like clockwork. As much as Noelle loves the winter; the cold; the beauty of the snow…winter storms leave her feeling nothing but apprehensive. The blinding effect of the snow gives them a disturbing uncertainty, one which instills a vague sensation that everything is about to go horribly wrong.It scares her. And yet, every December, Noelle stays up late to gaze into the storm’s unpredictability, like tuning in to see the next annual installment of a horror movie.

The quietly running television, the sole source of the living room’s dim illumination, suddenly screeches with the monotonous tones of a weather advisory. This startles Noelle, whose hair puffs out as she hastily reaches across the couch to grab the remote and mute the TV.

“I–I hope no one heard that,” she whispers to herself, rubbing her forehead and releasing a shaky sigh. Only moments later, Noelle picks up on the sound of a creaking floorboard emanating from a nearby staircase. Her head snaps over to it, and she sees a silhouette that seems to resemble Kris heading downstairs. A soft smile makes its way onto her face. The light from the television screen slowly tears away the silhouette as they walk over to the back of the couch. Rudy had insisted earlier that the Dreemurrs stay over throughout the blizzard.

“You’re not usually one to stay up,” Kris quietly states, folding their arms and leaning them on the couch’s top. As usual, their coarse, brown hair was disheveled, and mostly obscured their eyes. But, what was visible seemed to convey a gentle concern. Or perhaps that was her imagination.

She sits up straight, her gaze shifting between them and the window. “Yeah, these storms are kind of frightening…so I just wanted to stay out here and make sure everything was alright, y’know?” Noelle explains, before her eyes abruptly widen.. “O-oh, did that alarm wake you? I’m really sorry—” she attempts to swiftly apologize.

“No, no, I was already up,” they reassure her, walking around the side of the couch and sitting down at its end. Kris stares down solemnly at the auburn-shaded carpet, resting their chin on the palm of their hand. “It’s…very hard to fall asleep with all the noise,” they tiredly emphasize.

Noelle shifts a bit closer, leaning downward to get a better look at Kris' expression. She frowns at the sight of their exhaustion. "We don't have any earplugs, but…I can give you earbuds i-if that would help."

"You don't have to do that. I don't really…like the feeling of something in my ear when I'm trying to sleep, anyway," they respond.

She silently nods, not quite knowing how to continue the conversation. The wind gusts once more, its vicious, wailing motion blasting a pine tree branch directly at the front door window. Thankfully, all the glass is tempered, but the noise still causes Kris to flinch and Noelle to yelp. She instinctively lunges backward, knocking into their shoulder.

"Sorry, I—faha, I really didn't think the wind was powerful enough to do that," Noelle attempts to laugh it off. Her eyes lock with theirs for just a moment before Kris looks away. They almost seemed to carry a sense of suppressed fear. Embarrassed, she slowly shifts back to her original position on the couch…

"It's fine," they mumble. Her gentle, sheepish expression stays stuck in their head, as it always does, causing them to bite their tongue as a distracting effort. Perhaps they should've stayed upstairs.

Awkwardness spreads across the room's atmosphere like a plague. It happens every time the two get too close, and usually…it's Kris pulling away. She wants so badly to ask them why…why they even came down here, why they hide their feelings, why they seem scared of being close to her. But Noelle always finds herself unable to. Because she's just as scared to find out the answer, so much so that she'll never dare try to break the status quo, lest she risk losing everything. And she can't lose them. Instead, the two sit quietly, listening to the unwavering roar of the blizzard.

The clock strikes 2:00 A.M. Noelle struggles to stay awake, nodding off repeatedly. She didn't plan to stay up this long, but she wanted to keep Kris company, even if…maybe they didn't want it. And they showed no signs of falling asleep, despite the obvious tells of exhaustion.

Their head is leaned back against the couch, their eyes are shut, and yet, no result. Insomnia is nothing new for Kris.

"You should go to sleep," they raspily state, opening one eye at a time. "Don't you have to be up early?"

She glances over. How could she possibly leave them like this? "I'm okay!" Noelle says with as much cheer as she can muster. "I'll stay up with you."

Kris slowly turns their head opposite of her. "Please don't,” they blankly request.

Her eyes widen slightly. They sounded so blunt, but it came off less hurtful and more…apprehensive? She pauses for a good few seconds, not knowing what to think.

"I…okay, if that's…if that's what you want," Noelle concedes, her tone carrying a bit of melancholy. She doesn't feel it would be wise to push back here. And so, she stands up and groggily makes her way toward the stairs, looking back at Kris with a muffled sense of longing one more time before heading up to her room.

Kris curls up into a ball, still sitting up straight. They wrap their arms around their legs and bury their head into their knees. The blizzard's howl has dampened, and they're left alone, with nothing but their soul-stabbing thoughts:

'Why do I always do this?'
'Why can't I be normal?'
'Why am I such a piece of shit?'
'Why can't I tell her I'm sorry?'
'Why can't I look her in the eye for more than a second?'
'Why can't my head stop spinning?'
'Why can't I be happy?'
'Why does it never stop hurting?'
They keep spiraling. Their thoughts get louder. They keep spiraling. Their thoughts get louder. They keep spiraling. Their thoughts get louder.

Eventually, Kris passes out from exhaustion, their muscles still carrying the tension of a cable holding up a wrecking ball.

Dess trudges down the stairs, rubbing her eyes while quietly groaning. She thinks to herself: 'Why the hell did I have to pass out so early…I can't even remember the last time I was up at six.' Initially, she heads toward the kitchen door, glancing over at the living room. Dess does a double take when her eyes land on the couch.

"Krismas?" she whispers to herself, walking over to see them fast asleep, with no blanket, not even a head on a pillow. "The hell are they doing down here?" Dess taps their shoulder a few times. No response. She then shakes them until they jolt awake.

"Finally, geez. What are you doing on the couch? I thought you were set up in the guest room," she asks, tilting her head. "Are you…okay?"

Kris looks up at her and pauses, not sure how to answer that question. They stretch their neck and back out, wincing slightly from the effects of how horrific their sleeping posture was.

"I couldn't sleep, so I came down here," they explain, intentionally keeping the story short.

Dess hops over the back of the couch and sits down next to them, laying her legs on the coffee table. "Was Elly down here, too? She usually watches the blizzards."

They hesitate, remembering their interaction with her earlier. Kris shifts their gaze to a nearby wall.

She squints her eyes, suspecting there's something she's missing here. "Alright, what's going on, and don't bullshit me. It's too early in the morning for that," Dess affirms, lightly flicking their shoulder.

Kris groans. She's the only one who ever presses them for information. It pisses them off, but…subconsciously, they're grateful for it. It's the only way they ever actually express themself.

"Nothing's going on—" they begin, before promptly being cut off by Dess flicking their forehead. "…I don't want to talk about it."

She sighs. "I'm too tired and hungry to pry anything out of you. But look…I can tell something's been going on between you and Elly. I don't know what it is, I don't know exactly why, but don't let it drive a wedge between you two, alright?" Dess pats their shoulder and stands up, heading into the kitchen.

'Don't let it drive a wedge between you two.' This repeats in Kris' head for quite some time. A wedge? There's pretty much already iron bars between them—at least that's what they believe. All they want to do is go home. Right on cue, they spot Noelle heading downstairs, seeming atypically drowsy. No surprise there. She's still in her ugly Christmas sweater-like pajamas. Despite her lack of energy, she sees Kris almost immediately.

"O-oh, hey! Good morning. I didn't think you'd stay on the couch," Noelle says, trying to claw her way past the web of awkwardness still present.

They shrug, and blankly reply, "I didn't really feel like going up all those stairs."

"Faha, yeah, I get it! I was struggling climbing them after…um…hey, so, my mom might make lunch for everybody later, if you want to stick around?" Noelle says, trying too hard to change the subject.

"I'm…I'm okay, I need to get home, anyway. Just waiting on Azzy to wake up," Kris declines.

She nods, a bit disappointed but not particularly surprised. Noelle turns and takes a step toward the kitchen, but stops abruptly.

"Kris, I…I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have—" she somberly starts, before they interrupt.

"Why are you…you don't have to—I should be the one—-" Kris stammers, finally looking at her. They can't let her believe that she somehow did something wrong. They can't drag her down with them.

Noelle looks back and meets their distressed gaze with wide eyes. That's the most energy she's heard them put into a sentence in a long while…Their mouth hangs open, as if they're going to continue talking, but…nothing comes out. Kris just breaks eye contact. She looks down at the floor, a mix of emotions circulating through her. They're pulling away again. Noelle heads into the kitchen in silence, but returns a few minutes later with two paper plates. She walks over to the couch and sits down, handing Kris one of them. It's an everything bagel with cream cheese.

They want to immediately turn the plate away with the excuse that they're not hungry (even though Kris has not eaten since yesterdays breakfast), but before they can say anything, Noelle gently tells them, "Please just…please eat. You don't have to say anything, we…we don't have to talk…or even look at each other. I just want you to eat."

Kris reluctantly concedes, grabbing the plate and setting it on their lap. Internally, they're slamming their head against a brick wall. They take a bite of the bagel, staring forward…It's…pretty good. The two eat in silence. Dess eventually exits the kitchen, holding a plate of overcooked pancakes, and smiles to herself upon seeing them. She heads upstairs to her room.

"…Thank you," Kris awkwardly says at a nearly inaudible volume after they both finish their bagels.

A smile quickly overcomes Noelle's previously neutral expression. "Always!" It's so easy to fall back into place, like two magnets linking. But Kris needs to keep their magnet flipped. 'It's for the best,' after all. A constricting pressure is slowly building up in their head, gnawing away at their focus. Their 4 hours of sleep feel more like 4 minutes.

"I'll throw these out. I have to get up to use the bathroom anyway," they state, standing up and grabbing the two plates.

"Thanks, Kris." She watches as they toss the plates away and disappear upstairs, taking note of how sluggish their movements seemed. Noelle wants nothing more than for them to properly take care of themself. She sinks into the couch, diving into the rabbit hole of self-blame. There's so much she thinks she could do for them but just doesn't out of fear.

Kris leans both hands on the sink, their grip growing increasingly unsteady. Their ears ring sharply, but they are no distractor to a worsening headache. It's as if someone's bashing metal together inside their skull and it just won't stop. They look up and open the medicine cabinet, desperately skimming through its contents. How could the Holidays possibly be out of ibuprofen?! They slam the cabinet shut and stumble backwards into a wall, sliding down into a sitting position. It hurts.

Their breathing hastens. Kris shuts their eyes tightly and tries to think about anything other than the pain they're in, to no avail. Their mind's like an out of control racehorse. What little focus they do have is drawn toward only one possible solution.

Outside the bathroom door, Noelle stands uneasily with her arm raised, struggling to find the courage to knock. It's been almost 30 minutes since they went in there…'What am I doing…just knock!' she internally yells at herself, yet continues to do nothing. …A sharp bang emanates from inside the bathroom. It sounds like something slammed into a wall. Then, again, and again, and again.

That sparks Noelle into action. "Kris? Hey, Kris, are you okay?!" she shouts. No reply.

There's no time to overthink, second-guess, or be afraid. She swings the door open and sees them on the floor, shaking and tightly clamping their head with their hands.

Panic wells up within her. She kneels down beside them and grasps their shoulders. "What's wrong?! T-talk to me, please!" Her mind sorts through dozens of possibilities within a few seconds, all increasingly worse than the last.

Kris lowers their trembling hands and looks up at Noelle with glossy eyes. "I-I'm fine! Please just go…just…you can't be here, you can't see me like this…"

Her eyes begin to water in response to their pained expression. She fervently shouts, "Y-you aren't fine! Don't push me away, not when I know you need help! I… " She takes a moment to catch her breath. "I'm not going anywhere!"

It wasn't supposed to be like this. They knew distancing themself would hurt her—it broke them to know that—but they thought it would be 'for the best' in the end. However, it's now apparent that hurting Noelle is the only thing they've accomplished. In spite of every excuse they've made to avoid hanging out or talking, every simple one-word text, every cut short or flat out ignored phone call…she's still here. Holding their shoulders and trying to help them.

"Why…?" Kris asks, sniffling loudly.

She stutters over her words for a few moments as she tries to comprehend the question. Are they…really asking her why she hasn't left them?

Noelle pulls them into a tight hug, a lone tear streaming down her cheek. "Because you're everything to me," she emphasizes.

Kris' breathing stops for a moment. The whole world seems to slow down. Their arms hang motionless at their side. "Noelle, I'm…I'm poison. I-I've only ever pulled you down, from the moment we met as kids. It's better if we aren't—"

"You're lying! It's not better! It was never better without you! I can't possibly imagine how much you're hurting…how much you've been hurting…I hate that I stood there and watched it all happen. I-I can't do it anymore. I want to hear your dry humor, I want to stay up late playing games with you, I want to bake vomit-inducingly sweet cookies beside you, I want you in my life. You're so much stronger and kinder than you give yourself credit for," she passionately explains, finally letting out all the feelings she's kept under lock and key.

They inch toward breaking down, trying desperately not to listen, not to let her hope shine onto them. It's pointless. You can only pin your feelings down for so long before they blast back up twice as strong.

Kris lifts their arms up and returns Noelle's hug, grasping her back gently. They let their head droop down into the crook of her neck, and begin to quietly sob. It's been so long since they've allowed themself to accept affection. So much time spent dying of thirst while a glistening spring was always right next to them.

Outside, in the hallway, Dess stands out of view, holding back her bubbling up emotion. Asriel walks by, releasing a yawn and about to ask her what all the noise was about, but she quickly grapples him and puts a hand over his mouth.

"Not a word…Kris is finally letting all their feelings out," she whispers to him.

He looks down at her hand and then slowly nods. Knowing very well that Kris wouldn't appreciate people listening in, Asriel drags Dess downstairs, to which she silently mouths various complaints.

Minutes pass by. Perhaps 15 of them, or 20, maybe even 30. Kris and Noelle both have no idea how long they spend holding each other. They both couldn't care less.

Kris sniffles, their tears finally drying up. Their once pulsating headache has decayed into a dull pressure. "You're the strong one…you know that? I don't think I'll ever have your courage."

She pulls away just enough to look them in the eye. "Kris…you already showed your courage just now…" Noelle says with an infectious smile.

They aren't so sure how courageous they really were, but the corners of their mouth threaten to curl upward anyway upon seeing her expression.

"Elly, I…I'm so," Kris hiccups, "I'm so sorry. I've wanted to say that for a while."

Noelle's eyes begin to water once more, but she holds the tears back in order to sustain the conversation. "All that matters now is that you start letting people help you, a-and show you love, and that…" she begins, "…maybe you consider getting help?" sounding rather reluctant at the end.

Therapy…they were forced to engage with it many times during their early childhood. Art therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, somatic therapy…all to limited success. Maybe if it was their own choice, it would be better. "Maybe," Kris replies.

She nods, and the room goes silent once more. Only, this time, there is no cloud of unease, no awkward atmosphere. Instead, there's…something else. A warmth, like from the first sip of hot cocoa on a frigid December night. The two's breathing grows increasingly unsteady as they become more aware of their embraced position. Before their thoughts can march forward, however…Carol walks in. She, of course, has no context of the situation, and simply sees her daughter and Kris holding each other tightly on the bathroom floor at seven in the morning. Her expression is blank—entirely unreadable—and so Noelle assumes the worst.

She spirals almost immediately, panickedly pulling away from Kris and delivering a shaky wave. "M-mom! Um…this—this isn't what it—w-we were just—" she stutters over herself.

"Noelle. Kris. If you two are going to cuddle, please do so in a room that is not the bathroom of all places. Go, now, I have to be at Town Hall in a short while," Carol nonchalantly tells them, motioning toward the door.

Noelle's visible embarrassment and Kris' hidden embarrassment partially turns to confusion. She didn't care…at all? She didn't even seem surprised. The two stand up.

"Alright, but t-to be clear, we weren't doing anything, I-I was just comforting them," she re-explains, possibly trying to convince herself as well.

Carol glances over at Kris. "I hope you are feeling better, then. My daughter has a way of making that happen."

They want out of this room as soon as possible, and so Kris delivers a hasty, "I am, thanks," and speedwalks out of the bathroom with Noelle.Their mind races to overthink Carol's reaction. Why wouldn't she even find it noteworthy?

"I'm, um…I'm going to head back with Azzy, I'm sure my mom is wondering where we are by now," Kris awkwardly says, attempting to distract themself by changing the subject. "But…thank you. Thank you for today."

Her own mind's overthinking washes away upon hearing Kris' gratitude. She smiles and leans in for one more quick hug. Her cheeks flush when she realizes just how swiftly hugging them became an instinctual reaction. "I'll always be here for you, okay?"

Down the hallway, Dess and Asriel spot the interaction.

"You see?! I talked to them, and then they immediately made up. I should be a therapist," Dess happily exclaims.

Asriel chuckles, before looking down at the floor. "They really haven't been doing well lately. It isn't just Noelle they've been shutting out, y'know? I hope…this is the first step to them being happy again."

"It will be. You and Elly are the two dorkiest beacons of hope I've ever met in my life. More than enough to help Krismas," Dess tells him, patting his back.

At the front door to the Dreemurr Home, Kris and Asriel brush off all the snow that accumulated on their pants and shoes from trudging through the blizzard's remains. The sun's potent beams are now shining brightly upon Hometown.

"Hey, Kris…you wanna head over to the diner later for lunch? My treat, obviously," Asriel offers, awkwardly standing on one leg as he takes his boots off.

A small smile encroaches onto Kris' face as they watch their brother. "…Sure, Azzy." They'll never say no to a free slice of pie at QC's. Well, that's not exactly true, they have turned down his offers repeatedly as of late. Not that it ever spurred him to 'stay away…'

The two walk inside to see…nothing. A sticky note sits on the dining room table. It reads: 'I'm sorry, I had to leave in a hurry! The church was vandalized, and I need to help Father Alvin clean everything up. There are leftovers in the fridge. I love you both.'

Asriel tilts his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "Vandalized? Who in this town would do something like that?"

"I can think of one or two of my classmates that might…" Kris says, flopping face down onto the couch. Exhaustion still coats their body.

He sets the sticky note down and walks over to them, crouching in front of the couch. They look a bit more relaxed than usual—that's good. He taps his knee a few times while thinking of what to say.

"So…you and Noelle…" Asriel starts, hoping the words will start flowing afterward. They don't.

Kris shifts their head to face him. "…What about us?" they hesitantly say.

"Nothing. Just, um…happy to see you two worked things out," he elaborates, eyes darting around. "Okay, you don't have to answer this…but…any chance that you…" Asriel trails off, hoping Kris gets the implication.

They blink a few times before the realization clicks inside their head. Immediately, Kris turns their head away, burying it into a pillow. "No! We've barely even reconnected, it's too early to—" they cut themself off. Too early? Too early?! Their thoughts stutter, and their heart skips a beat. No, no, not early. More like never, because they don't feel that way toward Noelle. That's a load of crap.

"Too early, huh. I get it. I kind of have the same attitude when it comes to…to Dess. I'll give you a bit of advice that I definitely won't follow myself! You two are like pancakes and syrup, alright? You go together so easily, so smoothly, when one of you doesn't get in your own way. Take the leap!" Asriel explains solemnly, probably overstepping his boundaries.

"I misspoke. Shut up, please," Kris affirms, not addressing any of what he said. They sure are thinking about it, though. About how easily their connection was reinvigorated…about how warm her embrace is…They force their mind toward the thought of the stack of cinnamon pancakes that QC's sells to avoid thinking any further about that. 4 pancakes, all bigger than the palm of their hand. Now that's a breakfast.

Asriel chuckles quietly. As reclusive as they can be, he still sees right through them. "Alright. Why don't you catch up on some sleep? I'll wake you by noon."

They don't reply, instead opting to barely raise up their arm for a thumbs up before letting it droop back down. How is it that this old couch is the most comfortable thing Kris has felt lately? Well, other than…

They're not too sure how long they were asleep for, but based on their grogginess and back pain from choosing to lay stomach-down, Kris thinks its been a while. They slowly sit up and rub their eyes, noticing sleep lines along their arms. Yep, it's definitely been at least a few hours.

Kris looks toward the analog clock ticking rhythmically on the opposite wall, squinting their eyes to make out the time. It's 1:00 P.M. "Wake me up by noon, my ass," they frustratingly state to themself. Perhaps it was for the better, though. Toriel has yet to return—the church must've been quite damaged for her to take this long…and there's no sign of Asriel downstairs. They groan and venture upstairs, heading into their shared bedroom to see him asleep at the desk. The computer monitor burns brightly, casting its malevolent blue light onto a drooling Asriel. A university application page was left running.

They frown. Kris has only now begun to consider letting people, you know, actually be in their life, and yet this occurs simultaneously with being left alone in this home. They kick his chair, the aluminum frame rattling. "Azzy!" they bluntly shout at the same time.

Asriel jolts upward, looking around in a panic before he realizes it was just Kris. "Mother of rune…you scared the crap out of me!" he yells.

"Come on, it's 1:00," they say, pointing at their wrist despite the fact they don't wear a watch.

His eyes go wide, and he quickly stands up. "Seriously, already?! Darn, sorry. Hey, I just uh…I gotta make a phone call before we go. I'll meet you outside?"

Kris nods and heads downstairs, grabbing their jacket off the couch and throwing it on. They pull the front door open and take in a deep breath. It's not quite as cold as it was earlier. The previously bitter air has weakened down to merely a cold echo of the blizzard that had engulfed Hometown.

…What's taking him so long?

Minutes go by. Kris is just about to march back inside to figure out why a phone call is dragging on this much, but, right on cue, Asriel walks out. "Sorry, sorry…important phone call just wouldn't end, haha! Plus, I had to leave a note just in case mom came back while we're gone."

"Was it…with a college?" they tentatively ask as the two begin to walk down the driveway.

He looks over, noting their tone. "Uh, no, no. That's a little ways off…"

They don't want to pry beyond that, so Kris drops it from there, although they do feel a sense of relief at Asriel's answer. The rest of the walk is a peaceful silence.

At the entrance to QC's, Asriel stops in his tracks and looks around for a few moments. Kris almost immediately notices his stiff body language. They watch as he exaggeratedly facepalms and awkwardly says, "Aw, dagnabbit, I just remembered that…I'm missing…an assignment! And it's super duper important so I really gotta go, Kris, sorryI'llmakeituptoyouokaybye!" before dashing away as quickly as he can.

They stand there, utterly baffled, with their mouth hanging slightly open. Assignment? It's winter break? What the hell is wrong with him? Why did he just ditch—

"Kris…?" Noelle confusedly greets, startling them. "S-sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's…fine," Kris slowly begins, still trying to take in what just happened. "Thought you were having lunch with your mom?"

"Well, I was, but then your brother called and told me to meet him here? Alone? Uh…is he…is he here?" she questions, looking around.

That asshole. Real important call, huh? But why would he—and then it all clicks. 'Take the leap,' 'you two are like pancakes and syrup.' Is he really trying to…?

An intense blush forms on Kris' face out of embarrassment for what Asriel has done. They look away, staring into a tree and taking deep, quiet breaths to try and clear their face.

"Nope, he isn't," they hastily reply, hoping that she'll leave as soon as possible.

"Oh, alright…do um…do you want to just go inside then? I'm sure he'll be here eventually!" she optimistically states, scratching the back of her neck.

"Okay," they bluntly respond, internally wanting to tear out their hair. Despite all of Kris' pleas to the Angel, the two are sat at a table together. The same table that Asriel brings them to. Both are sitting at the far end, next to the window.

She taps her fingers against her knee, looking down at the worn wood table. There are faint stains visible of various kinds—mostly from drinks and grease that Kris has spilled over the years. Noelle looks up, and sees them staring out the window. "Hey, so, were you also waiting for someone?"

They look over, think deeply about how to reply to this, and somehow still stammer over the beginning of their sentence. "N-no, I was just, uh…I came here to eat."

"Oh, yeah, I should've guessed, I-I mean…what else does anyone go to a diner for, faha!" she awkwardly laughs. "But, you just kind of looked…confused, almost? Distracted?"

Kris needs some kind of excuse. A lie. No…a half-truth! Any half-truth! "I…I'm just…still trying to get used to seeing you. Without wanting to run away," they slowly state, eyes averting to the ceiling.

There's no reply for a few seconds. Their bruised heart palpitates. Should they have said that…?

"I-I kind of figured…" she says, averting her eyes as well. "But, it's okay! You know, just like…ha…just like I eventually got used to all your scary pranks…I hope you'll…um…get used to being around me again…"

Didn't they look like that…before they had seen her, though…?

They don't look away from the ceiling. But they smile. "Me too."

The conversation falls silent until QC eventually drops by and places down two mugs of white hot chocolate and two plates with egg sandwiches on them. One cup has a candy cane inside of it—Noelle's. The other has butterscotch syrup mixed within—Kris'.

"Huh? But we didn't place an order yet…" Noelle asks, her sense of smell already being overtaken by the familiar scent of her drink.

"Oh come on, hun, you think I don't know both of your orders? It's been a while since I've seen you two here, but this brain doesn't forget! It's on the house, okay?" QC explains with a warm smile before heading back over to the front counter.

She stammers for a second, but fails to interject before QC has already walked away. It doesn't feel right not to pay…but…Kris picks up their mug and starts guzzling the cocoa without a lick of hesitation.

"Kris! S-slow down, you could puke!" Noelle frantically tries to caution, which falls on deaf ears.

It's all gone. Their throat tightens. Partially due to the cocoa tasting like a vivid dream on Christmas Eve night, and also partially because the liquid went down the wrong pipe. Kris starts coughing.

She frowns and stands up, sliding into Kris' side of the table. "Gosh, I told you…here, let me just…" Noelle pats their back. The contact distracts them enough to stop their coughing spree. They look over at her bright, mildly concerned eyes briefly, their gaze conveying mixed emotions.

Noelle realizes that, right after Kris has expressed that they're still just trying to get used to her presence, she has…absentmindedly wandered into their personal space. Her fur stands up slightly in embarrassment. "Sorry, sorry! I'll go ba—"

They grab her hand before she can stand up from their side of the booth. "You don't have to," Kris quickly states, their words coming from pure instinct. The two glance down at their held hands. They have never pulled their hand away faster in their entire life.

Noelle hesitantly sits back down, keeping her gaze forward while her mind thinks about the gentle grip of their hand. "W-well…if you're okay with it…"

There's only a couple inches between their shoulders…Kris hides their blush by digging into their egg sandwich—at a more reasonable pace. Noelle starts hastily drinking her cocoa, in the hopes that she can use its heat as an excuse for why she is blushing so much. As usual, it tastes like Christmas spirit.

"Seems like he isn't going to show up," she says, looking toward the front entrance. "Do you think he's…okay? I mean, this is just kind of unlike him…" This is 90% genuine concern and 10% wanting to distract herself.

They cannot, under any circumstances, tell her why Asriel called. "He's fine. Probably just…got caught up in college applications."

"Right…I almost forgot about those," she says with mild sadness. "I'm cherishing every second that me, you, Dess, and Azzy get to spend together."

There's no good reason to talk about this. They'll just make themself feel worse. "I don't want things to change," Kris confides, looking down at the table and apprehensively scratching at an indent. "I don't want him to…"

"—to leave you alone," she solemnly finishes their sentence. "Sometimes I…I wish every day was the same. That I'd always get to hang out with everyone, that it would always be winter, that I would never have to say goodbye. But change is…is why we're s-sitting here, right? Asriel always finds a way to keep you company, even when…he isn't with you…so it won't really be a goodbye!"

They lightly smile at her optimistic viewpoint. How can someone emanate so much hope?

Kris shuts their eyes. "I wish I could see it like that."

What to do…what to do…how can Noelle comfort them? Is it even possible? Is there anything she could say to make them feel better about their brother leaving for (most of) the next four years? "W-well, you can't see it like that if your eyes are closed, faha!" she jests.

Their eyes slowly open back up. Kris snorts, trying to hold in their laugh, which causes Noelle to cheerily chuckle.

Once again, silence fills the booth. Not the rest of the diner, of course. Catti's parents can be heard loudly cheering for her. But, once again, it's not a tense silence by any stretch of the imagination. Noelle sips her hot cocoa in peace while Kris draws in the window using hot breath.

The two leave the diner a good while later. Noelle left behind an extra generous tip to account for the free food and drinks. Outside, a cold breeze has begun to stir its way through Hometown. Her golden hair flutters in the wind like that of an angel's. Kris fails to tear their eyes away from the sight.

A gust blows the hair out of Kris' face, revealing their sharp scarlet eyes at what they would consider an inopportune moment. The two's gazes meet again—this has happened multiple times today, but each time, it’s felt like it's the first. A feeling akin to TV static builds within both of their hearts.

"W-wow, your eyes are…" she trails off. Kris coughs a couple more times, choosing to observe the wonderfully constructed sidewalk. "U-um, anyway, I had a…great time," Noelle finishes.

"It's…it was…yeah," Kris says, struggling to form complete replies. It's evident they enjoyed themselves too, though, despite their unsteady body language.

Maybe she should let a simple goodbye be a simple goodbye. Maybe it would be better if the two repaired their bond slowly. But right now, at this very moment…Noelle doesn’t want this to end.

“If…” Her words catch in her throat, and she gulps. “If Azzy’s filling out applications, then uh…he must be home, then! Would you mind if I…walked back with you? S-so I can talk to him!” Noelle sheepishly asks.

Well, this is certainly a situation. If they say yes, then Azzy might just make things worse…but if they say no, Noelle might think they want to push her away, right? To make matters worse, they wouldn’t even be able to explain that they aren’t without continuing to lie to her. “I don’t…mind,” they eventually say, with a blatantly awkward gap in their speech.

She internally notes the strange way they responded, but, nevertheless, takes off with Kris back toward their house. The only noises are the gracefully rustling leaves and the subtle sound of their footsteps against the concrete. When they make it to the front door, Kris places their hand on the ice cold doorknob and hesitates before turning it, the partially rusted mechanism scraping loudly. Pushing the door open, they first spot Toriel sitting on Chairiel. The two step inside and shut the door behind them.

“Ah, Kris—and hello Noelle! I apologize for not being able to greet you this morning, the Church was…quite a mess,” Toriel explains, setting down her book.

“It’s fine,” Kris replies, their eyes darting around the room to see if Asriel is around.

Noelle takes a few steps forward. “Is it restored now…? Or if not now, will it be before our next choir practice? A-and do you have any idea who—”

Toriel cuts her off, smiling softly. “You do not need to worry, Noelle. The Church is just fine, and Undyne sorted that part out already. Now is no time to stress, especially after such a nice date!”

Kris’ eyes suddenly go still—their heart grinds to a halt and somehow also becomes a bullet train all at once. What did she say?

Noelle immediately waves her hands exasperatedly, entirely caught off guard. She blurts out, in a panic, “N-no, no, we—we weren’t…t-that’s not, um…we…” Why can’t she get it together?! It’s just a misunderstanding, that’s all. She takes a shallow breath. “W-we were just hanging out, faha, not…n-not a date! IwasoriginallygoingtomeetAzzybuthenevershowedupsomeandKrisjusthungoutinst—”

“A-alright, Noelle, I believe I understand…so then why did Asriel say you two were on a date?” Toriel confusedly asks, having inadvertently thrown him under the bus.

Kris freezes. Not a single muscle in their body shifts an inch.

“I—wh-what? He…h-he did?” Noelle questions, her cheeks growing redder. “I-I don’t understand…”

They feel overcome with an emotion they’ve kept at bay for a very long time. It feels so foreign to Kris…it should be easy to identify, but they’ve been detached for too long. Is it…anger? Fear? Desire? Asriel’s words spread through their mind again. ‘Pancakes and syrup.’ Thump thump…thump thump…thump thump…

They look down at the floor, both eyes twitching. “He’s just being a…he’s…I…he’s just being an idiot.”

“Kris Dreemurr, do not call your brother an idiot!” Toriel lightly scolds. “But you may be right.”

This elicits a small snicker from Noelle. Her mind is trying desperately to find a logical string of reasoning for Asriel’s actions. He calls her, tells her to ‘meet him at the diner in ten minutes’ for no particular reason, she shows up to find no Asriel but instead Kris waiting there, seeming annoyed. They explained their behavior afterward, and it made sense, but something just…didn’t seem right. And now, they somehow seem even more apprehensive than she does?

She takes a step toward the stairs up and looks toward Kris, asking, “Why don’t we go talk to Azzy and clear this up? Y-you know…because it’s an obvious misunderstanding!”

That’s an awful idea.

Kris nods anyway. Dammit.

“Oh, sorry, but Asriel is actually at your house right now, Noelle, for band practice with December,” Toriel explains. She looks between the two for a few seconds, squinting her eyes at their tension. “But perhaps you should speak anyway—to each other?”…

Noelle shakes her head reflexively, although deep down she does have some questions she’d like answered. “U-uh, I—I don’t think that’s necessary! The misunderstanding is with Azzy after all! I’m sure Kris would, um…like some space, anyway…?”

Thump thump…thump thump…thump thump…

“…We can talk for a bit,” they mutter, their speech barely getting picked up on. Kris’ eyes are still gazing at the floor. That was an easy out, the easiest of their life! Why didn’t they take it?

She pauses, surprised by their decision. Her fur stands up straight. “Oh! Y-yeah, sure, I mean…I-if you want…”

Toriel quietly chuckles to herself as the two walk away. “Oh, to be young and in love…” she whispers.

They walk upstairs, Kris trailing behind Noelle while trying to calm their pounding heart.

She shuts the door and awkwardly fidgets with her hands, sitting down on Asriel’s bed. They sit down on their bed, staring at the floor.

“Hey, Kris…? Are you…are you alright? I know how hard it’s been to be around m—” she begins, trying her best to shift the subject to something she can actually focus on, but gets cut off.

They look up rapidly, partially exposing their hesitant gaze. “It’s not your fault, it’s…it’s never been your fault, okay? I’m…” Kris struggles to finish their sentence, looking back down.

Her heart skips a beat—their eyes are so pretty…uh, not the time, actually!

“Look…I feel like you know more than you’re letting on. I don’t want to pressure you or anything, b-but, why did Azzy…and why did you seem so flabbergasted at the diner before you saw me…?” Noelle asks, somewhat proud of herself for building up the courage to question the situation.

Kris grips their bedspread tightly. What will she think if she finds out the truth? That being that their first instinct was to lie to her out of embarrassment? They don’t want to push her away again. And so, they don’t reply.

Noelle is slightly disheartened by the lack of a response. But she’s in too deep to give up! Taking leaps is terrifying, but…once she gets the ball rolling, she can do things that she’d previously consider impossible. “I’ll…I’ll give you 100 cheasy points if you tell me!” she jokes.

Their muscles loosen a bit, a smirk appearing briefly on their face. “Now I’m definitely not saying anything.”

“Kriiiisss!” Noelle laughs. “Seriously, I…I won’t be mad, if that’s what you’re worried about? You know I’ll understand, whatever it is!”

Kris moves their unsteady hands onto their forehead, trying to temper their reignited headache. She’s not going to let this one go, it seems. They slowly come to the realization that they have repeated the same mistake. ‘I’m not going to tell her the truth to protect her!’ holds no difference to ‘I’m going to stay away from her to protect her!’ It seems that changing your ways is harder than it seems.

Their hands droop down to their side. Now or never. “Asriel was at the diner,” they start. “He was there right up until you arrived, there was no misunderstanding. The whole thing was just a…it…he was trying to get us together!” Kris finally lets the truth run free, fear building up within them.

This revelation…wasn’t actually all that shocking, not after everything Noelle’s heard so far. But it still gives her goosebumps. It still makes her whole body shudder. It still makes her fur stand up as straight as an arrow. ‘Together.’ Faha, come on…that’s a fantasy.

…Right?

She’s silent for a few seconds. “Well that’s…y-yeah, he is just being an idiot, y-you’re right!” Noelle abruptly agrees. "Because obviously we aren’t…”

All Kris can feel in their head is piercing pins and needles. A thousand tiny stab wounds all being made at once. “…I’m scared,” they shakily confess.

She tilts her head, watching as Kris’ body seems to grow less and less stable. It’s reminiscent of their breakdown in the Holiday Manor, which sparks Noelle to walk over and sit down next to them on their bed. “Hey, hey, it’s okay! What’s…what’s wrong?” she gently asks.

“I’m…” they scrounge up what little courage they have in reserve. “I’m scared to say that…the thought of us together…is one of few happy thoughts I’ve had lately.”

Her snout brightens red, enough that she could lead Santa’s sleigh! Are they saying what she thinks they’re saying?! Is there any way that she’s misunderstanding this? Is this a really weirdly timed prank?

Noelle stutters for an overly long period of time, before she blurts out, “M-me too! I share that opinion!” What the hell was that? ‘I share that opinion.’ What is this, Facebook? ‘Stupid Noelle!’ she thinks to herself.

It suddenly feels like the pins and needles are withdrawing, one by one. Kris looks at her beaming yet hesitant face with shock. They sniffle. “W-what?” is all they can muster.

“I…y-y’know, just in the very normal way when your thoughts wander!” she initially backtracks, looking down. No…that’s wrong. There’s nothing normal about how she feels about Kris. There’s too much ‘normal’ in her life, too many expectations and set paths for her to follow. When she thinks about being around them…about breaking those paths…it makes her heart jump. There’s always something new amongst their chaos.

Noelle looks up, eyes full of adoration, and takes back her words. “I-I’m lying…I’m lying so badly right now, fahaha!” she laughs out of embarrassment. “You’re on my mind a lot, whether I’m thinking about you…o-or us…or just subconsciously! Like how I put you on my screensaver, or named a cactus after you, or keep extra pencils in case you take them…I-I’m going to stop naming examples now! The point is…my life is so much crazier when I’m with you. It makes me happy in a way that I really did not think I’d be able to find again.”

They listen intently, their heart rate growing ever quicker. Where’d that headache go…?

“I just want you to find that joy, too. And it’d...be selfish of me to say any more, after everything. I-I wouldn’t blame you if you asked me to lea—” Noelle’s voice slowly decays in volume before she’s interrupted by Kris hastily wrapping their arms around her torso.

“I’ve been the selfish one for a long time. I know I shut you out. I know I said I was still ‘trying to get used to you,’ but that was just a bunch of bullshit. It was more excuses to keep you at arm’s length,” they speak solemnly into her shoulder. “I don’t want to do that! I want to be happy, and I…” Kris gulps, “I want to be happy with you.”

Noelle considers pinching herself, because this can’t possibly be reality. Her hands shake with muffled excitement as she moves them around Kris’ shoulders, letting one rest on the back of their neck. She makes a vain attempt to stop her eyes from watering.

“I…I feel like I’ve been waiting to hear those words for my entire life, faha…” she chuckles. “I didn’t even know I was waiting, but I was! And…I’ve waited just a bit longer to tell you that—”

“I like you,” the two say in unison. There’s a couple seconds of silence before they both start giggling.

“Kris! Don’t ruin my moment with your weirdly amazing timing…!” she says with a bright smile.

They pull back just enough to look at her, with their loving red eyes half-exposed, conveying heavily exaggerated offense. “Your moment?”

She sighs and playfully rolls her eyes. “Fine, you can have a piece of the moment too!”

They laugh a moment longer until everything seems to settle. It sinks in that…well…they’ve confessed. And are now embraced once more—only this time there’s nothing to interrupt their train of thought. Nothing to tear either of them away from the sight of the person they hold dearest.

Kris gulps, but they tighten their hug.

Noelle’s breathing quickens as her nerves build up, yet she pulls herself closer.

“I-I don’t know what to do now,” Kris reluctantly admits. As difficult as it has been for them to accept, she is without a doubt the only one who’s ever made them feel this way.

Noelle takes a deep breath. She’s been courageous before, and it’s time to step up and be courageous again! Her hand moves away from Kris’ neck and gently brushes the hair out of their eyes, before coming to a rest on their cheek. Those ruby eyes…

“It doesn’t matter what we do, as long as…” she begins, trailing off as her nose turns redder. “S-sorry, I…faha, you’re just so…beautiful.”

Their eyes light up like a Christmas tree, and a smile barges its way onto Kris’ face. “So are you, my red-nosed reindeer,” they tease, leaning into her soft hand.

She giggles and leans closer. When did she start feeling so light? When did she finally…not feel like a spectator?

They match her movement, their noses now nearly colliding…both of their breaths become heavier as they glance down at each other’s lips.

“Thank you…” is all Noelle can quietly muster before the two connect. Kris tilts their head and moves a hand to cup her cheek, a warmth spreading outward from their kiss and settling in their now racing hearts. The whole world stops. In this moment, one which seems to last a lifetime, the only thing that exists is these two.

When the first kiss ends, another begins anew, their lips carefully yet passionately linked until they both run out of breath and are forced to pull apart.

In between staggered inhales and exhales, Noelle manages to joyfully say, “I will never…forget today…for the rest of my life…”

“…I hope I get to be with you…for the rest of my life,” Kris instinctually replies, gently resting their forehead against hers.

For at least one day—one hour—one minute—one second—everything is finally okay.