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It was Christmas Eve, freezing cold outside, and Dr. Erin Gilbert was firmly in denial. The day before, Christmas Eve Eve as Holtzmann had dubbed it at the top of her lungs at seven in the morning, she had begun feeling dizzy and exhausted. When she woke up that day, Christmas Eve, her throat was scratchy and she had begun coughing. By that afternoon, when she realized she had a fever, she planted herself firmly in denial where she intended to stay for the rest of the holiday. She refused to acknowledge what was obviously happening—she was getting sick.
She tried her hardest to hide it from her friends, Abby especially. While Erin was definitely the mom-friend of their little group Abby took it upon herself to watch out for Erin, knowing that she was unlikely to do it herself. Where Holtzmann would ignore her health simply because she forgot, Erin would ignore it because she didn’t want to be a bother. So when Abby caught her hacking up a lung on the morning Erin was supposed to travel home she marched straight over to the whiteboard where she was doing some last minute figuring and swiped the marker out of her hand, leaving a streak through one of her equations.
“Abby!” Erin exclaimed, her irritation cut off by yet another cough that almost doubled her over with its intensity. “Give that back!”
“Erin Gilbert, you are sick,” Abby said, shaking the marker in her face. Out of the corner of her eye Erin noticed Holtzmann lift her head up from whatever she was tinkering with, directing her focus to the conversation with vague interest.
“I am not,” Erin replied, her voice raspy from her sore throat and cough. She punctuated the statement with a sniffle.
“You are, too,” Abby grumbled back, pressing her hand to Erin’s forehead before she had the chance to duck out of the way. “You’re burning up. How are you even still standing?”
“I am standing,” Erin said brusquely, “because I am not sick.” She tried to pull away from Abby’s hand but the quick motion of her head sent her swaying back onto her heels instead. She gripped the whiteboard for support and the whole thing rocked.
“Erin, aren’t you driving to see your family?” Abby asked her, grabbing her elbow to steady her. “In Michigan? That’s like a ten hour drive!” Erin nodded, her eyes squeezed shut as she willed the room to stop spinning. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Erin’s eyes snapped open and it took her a long moment to focus properly on her friend. She swiped a hand across her forehead where a light sheen of sweat had accumulated and glared at Abby. Over at her workbench Holtzmann was still quietly observing, absentmindedly twisting a piece of wire in her hands. Erin ignored her, choosing to use her energy on looking disdainfully at Abby instead of getting sidetracked staring at Holtzmann. “What are you saying Abby?”
“I’m saying I think you should stay here for Christmas. Look at you, you’re barely staying upright and you want to drive? And you’ll get your whole family sick too, if you even make it there in once piece,” Abby was shaking her head and over her shoulder Erin could see Holtzmann shift slightly in her seat like she wanted to say something but refrained.
“I’ll just steer clear of everyone,” Erin replied, sinking into a chair, unable to continue denying that she had, indeed, come down with something.
“Erin, you do that by staying home,” Abby chided softly.
“I guess I could go back to my apartment and hunt down some medicine,” Erin mumbled, folding her arms on the desk and dropping her aching head onto them.
“You could stay here with me,” Holtzmann piped up, setting her wire down and vaulting over her worktable to gingerly approach her bickering friends. She leaned against Erin’s desk and tilted her head to try to catch her eye.
“Holtzy’s staying here for Christmas?” came Patty’s voice as the woman trudged up the stairs in her ghostbusting boots, removing her coat and shaking the snow off of it. “It’s coming down hard out there. I wanted to pick some things up and say goodbye before I headed home myself.”
“Patty,” Holtzmann crooned, sliding across to where Patty was gathering some books and papers together and hovering over her shoulder. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going home, baby. My uncle isn’t gonna let me get away without telling him what happened to his hearse. This is gonna be one fun holiday dinner, let me tell you,” she replied over the large stack of books in her arms. She raised an eyebrow at the look on Holtzmann’s face. “Do you wanna come with Holtzy? You might entertain my family enough that my uncle won’t have the time to ask me about the car!”
Holtzmann shook her head. “No, thanks Patty. I’m gonna stay here and take care of Erin.”
“What’s wrong with—“
“I never said I was staying at the firehouse for Christmas!” Erin said, finally lifting her head from the desk before cutting herself off with another round of coughing. Abby jumped backwards out of the line of fire. When she was done Erin groaned pitifully and dropped her head back onto the desk with a loud ‘thunk.’
Abby rolled her eyes and gave Patty a look that told her to distract Holtzmann for a minute. Patty took the hint and turned to Holtzmann, saying, “Holtzy, come help me carry these books downstairs.” Holtzmann jumped at the chance to get away from the tension in the lab, gathering her arms so full of books that she couldn’t see past them. She went stumbling down the stairs and Patty followed quickly, calling after her to be careful.
Abby watched them until they disappeared down the stairs and then sat down next to Erin at her desk. She gently put a hand on her shoulder, only slightly alarmed by how much heat was radiating through her clothes. “Erin, if you want to go to your apartment and get high on cold medicine and watch your disgusting romance movies I’m not going to try to stop you. But I think you should stay here at the firehouse. Holtzmann is staying here alone and I was already a little worried about her. Not just because she might blow the place up, although that is a possibility. I wanted her to come home with me, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed she doesn’t do family that easily.” Erin lifted her head and blinked blearily at Abby, trying to decipher what she was getting at. “Erin, I wish you would stay here with her.” There was a weight to her words that Erin did not miss, even in her haze.
“Fine,” she mumbled, sneezing for good measure. “Fine, I’ll stay.” Abby smiled at patted her on the shoulder before getting up and helping her to her feet so she could hug her tightly before she left.
*****
“Eriiiiiiiiin.”
Erin blinked a few times and squinted at the bright light that was streaming into the firehouse. From what she could tell it was mid-afternoon and she had fallen asleep at her desk after Abby had told her to have a good holiday and that soup cures all ills.
“Erin, wakey wakey,” Holtzmann sing-songed. “Abby gave me some soup and Patty threatened to hide my neckties if I didn’t make you take some medicine to get your fever down. I don’t think she was serious but why take a chance am I right?”
“Abby and Patty are here?” Erin asked, lifting her head just a little so she could squint at Holtzmann, who was hovering just a little too close for her to really focus.
“What? No, they left, remember?” Holtzmann reached out and peeled off a piece of notebook paper that was sticking to Erin’s sweaty cheek. She dropped a pharmacy bag in front of Erin’s face. “You need to take this or Abby will somehow find out and have my head. I rather like my head, no matter how many times I’ve set it on fire.” She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “Fourteen.”
Erin struggled into a sitting position, choosing to ignore Holtzmann’s statement and the way she rested a hand on her arm. Normally she would have been flustered by the contact but with the way she was feeling at the moment she couldn’t bring herself to care enough. She rummaged in the bag for a moment and pulled out a bottle of cold and flu medication, downing a few of the pills with the bottle of water Holtzmann held out for her. “You’re really hot, E,” she said as she watched Erin sip at the water.
“Holtz, I appreciate the sentiment but now really isn’t the time.”
“What? Oh, no, I mean you’re burning up.” Holtzmann’s hand moved to rest on Erin’s forehead, brushing her sweaty bangs out of the way. “Not flirting Gilbert. Yet.” She winked. “Do you think you can eat?”
“You cook?” Erin blurted without paying much attention to her surprised tone of voice and lack of brain to mouth filter. Holtzmann grinned at her before shaking her head and getting up from where she was crouched by Erin’s chair.
“Actually, yes. But I was thinking soup. You should probably take eating easy for now. Trust me, I know.” She made a face before racing to her worktable and grabbing a large quilt from underneath, throwing it over Erin’s head before sliding down the fireman’s pole to the kitchen.
Erin pulled the blanket off her head. She was feeling overheated and just the few moments she had spent under it had heated her up even more. She shrugged her jacket off and after a moment’s consideration peeled her shirt off as well, leaving her in just her camisole and skirt. She found herself wishing she had more comfortable clothes at the firehouse but knew that even if she did she wouldn’t have the energy to go find them.
One thing she did have to do was call her parents, a feat that was sure to take much more energy than getting up to change clothes. She sighed almost tearfully at the prospect and reached for her phone, punching in the number with dread. As it rang a few times she found herself hoping that they might not pick up and she could have a good excuse to leave a message or even send a text.
“Erin?” No such luck.
“Hey mom,” Erin replied, playing up the croak in her voice just a little to make her sound more convincingly pathetic. “I have some bad news. I think I’ve come down with the flu, so I’m not gonna make it home…”
“Oh Erin.”
“I know mom. I’m sorry. Just, tell everyone hello for me okay? I don’t want to get anyone sick and—“ she trailed off as her mother launched into a million suggestions for how she could still make it home in time for Christmas. Erin put a hand over her eyes and just listened, knowing that to cut her mother off at this point would probably just end with both of them getting angry. She was so busy listening to the guilt trip she was receiving that she didn’t notice that Holtzmann had returned, leaning against the doorway to the lab with a steaming mug of soup in her hands.
“No mom, I wouldn’t even be able to get a flight at this point, are you kidding me? I wouldn’t want to fly like this anyway. Yes mom, I know I’m going to disappoint the kids but it wouldn’t be fair to give them the flu for Christmas either. I know they only see me once a year, mom. I know. I’m busy. It is a real job, mom. You know what, I’m just gonna go. Give everyone my love and have a good Christmas, okay? Bye mom.” She hung up the phone and dropped it onto her desk before pulling the quilt up and over her head. She could hear footsteps and wondered how much of the conversation Holtzmann had been a witness to.
“Erin, you need to eat something,” Holtzmann stage whispered, crouching next to her chair and pressing her face close to where she guessed Erin’s face was under the blanket. When there was no response she set the mug carefully on the desk and pawed at the blanket until she found Erin’s scrunched up face.
“Eriiiiiiin,” she crooned, feeling her heart stop when she saw a few tears on the physicist’s face. “Erin, don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Erin shook her head, trying to fight back the tears.
“Are you really going to take care of me for Christmas Holtz?” she asked. Holtzmann blinked a few times, looking away and handing her the mug of soup instead. Erin took it hesitantly. “That’s not very fair to you.”
Holtzmann gave a lopsided shrug. “It’s not like I had plans,” she said, her voice a little quieter than Erin was used to. Erin pulled the quilt away from her face entirely so she could look at her, noticing that she was staring a little too hard at the wall across from them. She decided the change the subject.
“I’m a terrible patient,” she admitted, wanting both to forget the phone call with her mother and to do anything, anything at all to wipe the blank expression off of Holtzmann’s face. It was not an expression that belonged on her face ever, for any reason, and Erin suddenly realized that she wanted to be sure she never saw it again. She was pleased when Holtzmann looked up at her, a large grin quickly replacing the vacant look.
“So am I!” she said brightly. “So I know exactly what to do! Finish your soup.”
Erin obliged quietly, sipping slowly at the soup. Holtzmann watched her closely, noticing how flushed her skin was with fever and trying to tell herself not to worry.
She had been in love with Erin pretty much since she had walked into the lab that first day back at the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute. She hadn’t told her of course, and for a brilliant scientist the woman was pretty oblivious. As lost in her own world as Holtzmann sometimes was (and sometimes only pretended to be), she knew exactly why Abby had suggested they stay in the firehouse together during the holiday. Abby had always seen straight through Holtzmann, and believed that Erin returned her feelings. When Abby told her this Holtzmann had been shocked, having assumed that Erin was as straight as a flagpole. Abby had quickly assured her that this was not true, and since that conversation Holtzmann had taken a completely different approach to her interactions with Erin. While she still flirted as usual, she had also become softer and more careful of her feelings, hoping that in doing so Erin would realize that she meant more to her than just some arbitrary flirting.
“Holtz,” Erin said, and the sound of her name snapped her out of her thoughts. “You keep clothes here, don’t you?” Holtzmann nodded and Erin set her empty mug on the desk before continuing. “Do you keep pajamas here?”
“Who do you think I am E!” Holtzmann exclaimed, springing to her feet. She was relieved for a break in the seriousness that had settled itself over them. She disappeared into a little room off the lab, leaving Erin feeling a little whiplashed. Before she could even sneeze Holtzmann was back at her side. She tossed some clothes into Erin’s lap and stood with a proud grin, hands on her hips. Erin smiled halfheartedly at her, not up to her usual responses to her antics.
“Would you like to lay down? I think I’m the only one who uses the bed here but it’s clean, I promise. You could take a nap,” Holtzmann said, coming to Erin’s side again with the intent of helping her to her feet. “I can even set you up with a movie and then leave you alone to sleep.” Erin accepted Holtzmann’s hand and came to her feet unsteadily. She could feel the medicine she took starting to work, making her feel both marginally better as well as making her woozy. Holtzmann was bouncing slightly on her toes and the motion was unsettling.
“You could watch with me,” Erin said, taken a little off guard by her own words. There was her filter malfunctioning again. “I mean you probably have work to do…”
“No, if you want company I’ll be more than happy to stay,” Holtzmann replied, unable to stop the grin that was spreading across her face. She turned her head a little to at least try to hide it and in doing so missed the matching smile on Erin’s face.
*****
Never in a million years would Holtzmann have expected to be as lucky as she was today. While she knew that Erin was likely delirious with fever and cold medicine, she also couldn’t help but enjoy the moment while she could. Seeing Erin wearing her pajamas (which were really no more than a pair of boxers with the periodic table printed on them and a t-shirt with holes burned into the hem) made her giddy inside and she was convinced that her legs went on forever. As soon as she had changed clothes Erin had clambered onto the bed, turned herself into a blanket burrito, leaned into Holtzmann, and demanded that they watch Star Wars. Holtzmann hadn’t been able to do anything but stare for a few long moments, finally shaking herself out of her stupor and turning the movie on.
She stayed as still as possible for a while, hoping that Erin wouldn’t decide that their proximity was too close and move away across the bed. She was finally able to relax when Erin opened up the blanket she was wrapped in so that she could throw it over Holtzmann’s shoulders as well. It seemed that in addition to losing her filter, sick Erin was also impulsive. Normally Erin would never cuddle into her side the way she was doing now, her head resting comfortably against Holtzmann’s shoulder. Usually the heat radiating off of her would bother Holtzmann, who tended to be warm natured to begin with, but the firehouse was steadily getting cooler inside as snow began to fall and she found that she didn’t really mind.
“Hey E,” she said quietly as the credits rolled, looking down at the woman who had been dozing for the last hour. “You should probably go to sleep.” It wasn’t terribly late but she could tell that Erin was exhausted. She sat up carefully, feeling bad when Erin whimpered. “Oh, Holtzy sorry.”
“Everything aches,” came a mumbled voice from underneath the blankets. “And I’m so cold.” Holtzmann moved several layers of blanket before finding Erin underneath. Her cheeks were still red and a careful hand against her forehead told Holtzmann that her fever had not abated in the slightest.
“You should take some more medicine,” she said, reaching for the pills and trying not to jostle Erin too much in the process. She watched as Erin took the pills and then moved to get out of the bed, surprised when Erin grabbed her arm and held on.
“Don’t go,” she whined, clinging with as much force as she could muster in her weakened state.
“Erin, you need rest if you’re gonna get better,” Holtzmann said, unable to bring herself to pull away any further. She was a little disgusted at hearing herself sound like such a mom-friend, but she had no choice, as Erin couldn’t exactly mom-friend herself and seemed determined to do nothing but look pathetic. She was doing a spectacular job of that at the moment, making Holtzmann feel terrible about moving in the first place.
“Will you stay?” Erin asked, her voice so quiet that Holtzmann wasn’t sure she had heard her right at first. She blinked a few times with her mouth hanging slightly open, surprised at the request.
“You mean sleep here? With you?”
Erin covered her head in the blanket again, obviously embarrassed. Holtzmann could hear her talking but couldn’t make out what she was actually saying. She leaned back onto the bed with a chuckle, pulling at the blanket until she uncovered Erin for what felt like the thousandth time that day. This blanket thing was becoming a real problem. “Erin, what?”
“I’m sorry Holtzmann, I’m so gross and you’re probably ready to get away from me,” she said with a loud sniffle. Holtzmann couldn’t help but smile.
“Erin, I would love to sleep with you,” she replied with a wink, delighted when Erin’s cheeks turned even redder than before.
“Thank you Holtzmann,” Erin whispered, obviously both mortified and satisfied that she had gotten her way. Holtzmann hopped up to turn off the light, shrugging out of the coveralls she had put on earlier to work, leaving her in just a pair of boxers and a sports bra.
“Sorry about the skin, E,” she whispered to the dark pile of blankets on the bed as she quickly unpinned her hair. “I get hot at night and you’re already burning up. I don’t want us to drown in sweat before the night is over.” There was a disgusted sound from the pile of blankets and Holtzmann grinned as she slipped into the bed. Despite her reaction to Holtzmann’s sweat comment Erin lay down as well, scooting closer until she was as close as she could get without them actually touching.
Holtzmann reached out a hand and pressed it gently to Erin’s face. Her fever was still pretty high but she was hoping that it was starting to fade just a little. Erin’s breath hitched and Holtzmann smiled when she felt Erin cover her hand with her own.
“Erin?” Holtzmann asked, a question from earlier coming to her mind and nagging at her until she found she had to voice it. “Why did you want to go home so badly?” It was something she hadn’t been able to wrap her mind around since she had heard Erin bickering with Abby. Erin had told all of them not that long ago how badly her parents had treated her and how much they had put her through when she was a child and Holtzmann couldn’t fathom wanting to return to such a place. She worried that her question would come across as rude but it seemed that Erin had read her mind. She shifted uncomfortably.
“Because they’re my family,” she said tonelessly, her stuffed up nose evident in the way she pronounced her words. She sounded like someone who was reciting an answer they were supposed to say, and not like someone telling the truth at all. Holtzmann stayed frozen, only moving enough to run her thumb back and forth on Erin’s cheek. There was more to this answer that she sensed would come on its own, and it did. “Okay, that’s a lie not even I can believe. I see my parents out of obligation, but…I have these little cousins. Second cousins really—my own cousins’ children. They range from six to I guess…ten by now. And every year I hang out with them more than I hang out with the adult members of my family. Holtzmann, they’re so clingy and so sweet.”
‘Like you,’ Holtzmann couldn’t help but think, remaining silent as Erin told her story. She felt wetness against her hand and realized that Erin was either crying or sweating. She chose to believe it was the latter.
“They always bring their Christmas presents to my parents house with them and I play with them and show them how to do simple science experiments…I just feel terrible that I’m missing seeing them this year because children grow so fast and maybe by next year their parents will have told them all about crazy Auntie Erin—they call me Auntie, Holtz, can you believe that?—and then they might not want anything to do with me anymore. I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t care but I do. They’re one small part of my family that doesn’t look at me like I’m a disappointment.” Erin was crying in earnest now, and Holtzmann gave in and pulled her in close despite the heat. As she lay there stroking Erin’s hair the gears in her head started to turn, trying to come up with a solution to the problem at hand.
“I don’t think they’ll hate you that easily Erin,” Holtzmann said quietly. Even in her feverish state Erin was startled by how subdued she was. She leaned in and pressed her sweaty forehead against Holtzmann’s. The engineer took a shaky breath, biting her bottom lip and squeezing her eyes shut.
“I’ve never really…celebrated Christmas. I-ah, I grew up in the system. At any given time I was in a home with a bunch of other kids and…well there just wasn’t opportunity for much celebrating. And as I…as I grew up I was the oldest child in the household more and more. And I was beginning to…learn about myself. And the older I got the more I was shuffled around because I was too quirky or too socially awkward or too…too gay.”
Erin felt her heart break at her words and how tense she was. She squeezed the hand that still rested on her cheek, prompting her to continue. She could feel the medicine finally kicking in and starting to pull her toward sleep but she refused to give in.
“Usually when I got kicked out…well, it wasn’t pretty. I learned pretty quickly not to resist but the kids…the kids were always so upset, especially the little ones. I’ve tried my best to keep in touch but it isn’t easy.” In the dark Erin could see that Holtzmann had finally opened her eyes. They were wet but she wasn’t crying, and Erin held back her own tears for her sake.
“Erin I’m not telling you this to make you sad or…or to make you feel bad for me. I’m telling you because no matter what those foster families told those children about me…they were still loyal. They still loved me and wanted me to stay. E, those children aren’t going to give up on you that easily.”
Erin laughed tearfully and hugged Holtzmann, breaking the moment with a bout of coughing that shook both of them. Holtzmann held her through the fit until Erin relaxed, settling in against her. She was surprised but pleased that Holtzmann had opened up so suddenly.
“Thank you for telling me Holtz,” she whispered, already feeling sleep pulling at her.
“Merry Christmas Erin,” she heard Holtzmann murmur back as she slipped off to sleep.
*****
The next morning when Erin woke up she was alone in the bed. She felt marginally better than she did the day before but her heart sank when she patted the spot next to her and confirmed that Holtzmann had indeed disappeared somewhere. She told herself that it was because she ran off to invent something and not because she couldn’t stand being around Erin anymore. She could almost convince herself, too, because Holtzmann was usually the first person awake and working, but she couldn’t help but overthink the situation. She sat up, groaning a little as her head throbbed in protest and stood up, dizziness overtaking her just for a moment until she regained her balance.
“Holtzmann?” she croaked, padding out into the lab, wrapping one of the blankets around herself and trailing it behind her. She expected to find the engineer puttering around, maybe setting a few fires, but she was nowhere to be found. Erin felt tears spring to her eyes unexpectedly. She had always been a bit weepy and pathetic when she was sick, but this was ridiculous. Holtzmann had probably just popped out for…whatever it was Holtzmann popped out for. Scrap metal most of the time, and whatever else she could find in the nearest dumpster.
“Holtz—“ Erin began again, descending the second flight of stairs, her voice beginning to wake up and gain a little more strength. She cut herself off when she reached the bottom of the stairs.
The whole downstairs living area was covered in Christmas lights and garlands and tinsel. Erin could just barely smell something that smelled like cinnamon through her stuffed up nose and felt her mouth drop open as she looked, standing stock still on the bottom step.
“You’re gonna catch flies E,” Holtzmann said, showing up at her side from seemingly nowhere and making Erin jump about a mile. Unlike Erin, she had gotten dressed, her maroon robe on over her mismatched clothing and tinted glasses perched on her nose.
“Holtzmann, you scared me. What is all this?” Erin stared around the room again, taking in all the decorations.
“You were so sad last night when you were talking about missing Christmas at home,” Holtzmann replied, looking around the room instead of meeting Erin’s eyes. “I thought if you were going to miss it I could at least try to make it feel a little more like Christmas here…” she trailed off and Erin could hear the unspoken part of her statement. ‘I did my best because I’ve never really done Christmas.’
“Holtz,” Erin said breathlessly, turning to her and taking her hands, causing Holtzmann to look up, startled at the contact. “Holtz, this is wonderful. You did all this for me?”
“Merry Christmas,” Holtzmann replied with a broad grin which held for a moment before faltering. “It’s not too much, is it? Oh no, it’s too much.”
“No!” Erin exclaimed, stepping closer. “It’s amazing. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. I love it.” As her words hung in the air, Holtzmann’s eyes flickered upward and Erin followed her gaze, rolling her eyes at what she saw. “Really?” There was a sprig of mistletoe hanging above them, strategically placed so that Erin would stop underneath it when she saw the decorations. She looked back down at Holtzmann, who was looking uncharacteristically nervous. “I want to kiss you,” she said boldly, surprising herself. ‘Filter must still be on sick leave…’ “But if I do you will get sick.”
“I’ll take my chances,” Holtzmann said, leaning in and tentatively pressing her lips against Erin’s. There was a moment where neither of them moved, each wanting to be sure the other was comfortable with the leap they had just taken. Then Erin sighed, pressing herself closer and wrapping her arms around Holtzmann’s shoulders. She buried her hands in her hair that was still loose from the night before, loving the feeling of the soft strands between her fingers. Holtzmann’s hands came to rest on Erin’s waist, slipping them just slightly under the burned shirt hem and brushing her fingertips over her bare skin, smiling into the kiss when Erin shivered. Her skin was still overheated but Holtzmann could feel a difference from the night before.
“Your fever is breaking,” she whispered, pulling back just slightly.
“You’ll probably have it next,” Erin replied, her eyes still closed.
“I can live with that if I get to kiss you more,” Holtzmann said, grinning as Erin opened her eyes so she could roll them at her once again. Erin leaned in again but right as she did Holtzmann screeched, “Wait!”
Erin jumped back, startled. “What’s wrong?”
“I have another surprise for you,” Holtzmann grabbed her hand and all but dragged her over to the sofa. She pushed on her shoulders to get her to sit down and grabbed the remote to the television, fiddling with it for a moment before jumping in front of the screen with her arms spread in a “taa-daa” pose. Erin stared for a moment, not entirely sure what was happening.
“Holtz, what—?” The startup screen for Skype was showing on the television and Erin was baffled. Holtzmann lowered her arms, looking deflated.
“I thought you might want to Skype your little cousins. Since you can’t be there for the holiday,” she said, her tone a little stilted like it had been the night before. “Someone there should have Skype on their phone, right? Or the kids? Kids all have tablets now, right? And you can see them on a big screen.” Erin, who was staring at Holtzmann with her mouth hanging slightly open, said nothing. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just wanted to…give you the option.” She looked down at her feet, feeling a little stupid, but Erin jumped up from the sofa, nearly tripping over a string of lights as she closed the gap between herself and Holtzmann. She kissed her soundly, taking her entirely off guard, and the remote clattered to the floor. After a long moment in which Holtzmann actually felt her knees go weak, something that hadn’t happened to her in a long time, Erin pulled away.
“Holtzmann, I think I love you,” she said. ‘Yep, filter is definitely still on sick leave.’
“That’s moving a little fast, isn’t it?” Holtzmann replied breathlessly, knowing full well that she felt exactly the same. Erin just grinned at her, pecking her one more time on the lips before grabbing her own phone to try to set up the Skype call.
Holtzmann dazedly excused herself to the kitchen, figuring that Erin would want some time alone with her little cousins. She realized that she was starving, having skipped breakfast to set up the decorations. By the time she was done pouring herself some cereal she could hear voices coming from the living area. She peeked around the corner and smiled through a mouthful of cereal.
There were five children on the call, four girls and a boy. They were all crowded into the screen and all five of them were trying to talk at once, holding up their Christmas presents so Erin could see. Holtzmann was happy to hear Erin laughing and ducked into the kitchen to make some tea so Erin could have some privacy with her call.
She was just finishing up when she heard Erin call her from the other room. Picking up both mugs she walked in, slightly surprised to see that Erin was still on the call.
“Who’s that?” the smallest girl asked, pushing one of the other kids out of the way so she could see better.
“This is Holtzmann,” Erin said, gratefully accepting the tea from her. Holtzmann stood behind Erin and leaned against the back of the sofa, sipping at her own tea and looking at the screen. Most of the children had dark hair like Erin’s but the little one had these crazy blonde curls that made her think of her own and she couldn’t help but smile. “We work together.”
“You can call me Jillian,” Holtzmann spoke up, knowing that her name was hard for children to pronounce. She didn’t usually let people call her by her first name but she had always made an exception for children. Erin looked up at her in surprise and Holtzmann just smiled at her.
“My doll’s name is Jillian!” the little one shouted, waving a blonde baby doll in the camera. “You dress funny.”
“Eloise! That’s rude,” the boy said, nudging her with his elbow. She rubbed her arm like she was mortally wounded and glared at him.
“No, it’s okay,” Holtzmann said, clambering over the back of the sofa so she could sit next to Erin. “I do it on purpose.”
“Are you a scientist, too?” the boy asked. “What kind of science do you do?”
“I am,” Holtzmann said, setting her mug down on the table next to Erin’s. “I’m a nuclear engineer. I make things go ‘boom.’” She mimed an explosion with her hands and the children’s eyes all went wide.
“Will you come for New Years?” one of the older girls asked, looking at Erin. “We’re coming back for New Years this year. You’ll be better by then, right?”
“Oh,” Erin said, clearly taken off guard by the question. “I don’t know but…I’ll try to come. Okay?”
The children all cheered and Eloise shoved her way to the front again. “You’ll come too, right Jillian? You can meet my doll.”
“New Years is all about explosions!” one of the others chipped in.
Holtzmann looked at Erin out of the corner of her eye and noticed that she was smiling encouragingly at her. “I will if Erin wants me to,” she replied, figuring that this was the safe answer. The children cheered again and then were distracted by something off camera.
“We gotta go,” the boy said, looking disappointed. “It’s time to eat.”
“Have fun, okay? And eat my serving, too,” Erin said with a smile. “Merry Christmas.” The children all yelled the sentiment back at her and Holtzmann waved as the screen went black.
They sat side by side in silence for a moment, feeling a little tired but happy after the conversation.
“Thank you Holtzmann,” Erin said quietly, turning to her with a smile. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around Holtzmann, who hugged her back tightly.
“Merry Christmas E,” she whispered back. “I know it’s not how you wanted to spend it.”
Erin pulled away so she could look Holtzmann in the eye. “It may not be how I intended to spend it, but right now I’m really grateful for the flu.” Holtzmann laughed. “Holtz, will you come with me on New Years?”
“You really want me to go E?” Holtzmann was surprised that she had asked.
“Of course! The kids would love it. And so would I,” Erin said. She leaned in and pressed her lips against Holtzmann’s again. “If you don’t get sick between now and then, that is.”
“Never!” Holtzmann exclaimed, kissing Erin again and feeling her smile against her mouth. She pulled away and reached for the remote. “Can we finish Star Wars?” Erin nodded with a laugh and tossed the blanket she had carried from upstairs across them both, leaning against Holtzmann in the way that had become so familiar over the past twenty-four hours.
As the movie played and Erin began to doze lightly against her shoulder once again, Holtzmann looked out the window where snow was falling and thought about Erin and her little cousins. In just the course of a day so much had changed for her, and all thanks to the physicist who was now drooling slightly onto the sleeve of her shirt. She already knew that she had a family in their little team, but this was new and made her feel content in a way that she hadn’t felt in years.
Holtzmann hadn’t thought that she would ever really enjoy the holidays, but maybe, maybe, that could begin to change.