Work Text:
GIVE ME WHAT I WANT
It had been sometime that Elijah had become aware of Nuntius and he was trying, to talk to him. Nuntius spent most of his time snarking at him or not answering as he was just that way but inside Nuntius was glad that ELijah could finally hear him. Elijah and him did have, moments, they would sometimes journal together, Elijah would write and Nuntius would offer some advice or a sassy come back for whatever Elijah was trying to deal with and Elijah appreciated the reassurance and support. These moments built up confidence in Elijah and he hoped, that he'd finally be able to ask Nuntius something that he'd been wondering for a while.
"Nuntius?" Elijah asked as he was getting ready for bed. "What?" Nuntius responded faster then Elijah had expected. Maybe he was in a good mood.
"I, wanted to ask you something" Elijah said a little nervous
"Hm" was Nuntius's only reply
"Would you, tell me about a red door memory?" A silence fell between them.
"No"
Elijah took a deep breath and exhaled. "Please?"
"No"
Elijah closed his eyes trying to keep his patience. "They are, my memories, Nuntius"
"No"
"Isn't that what you want though? For me to-"
"Elijah, stop"
Elijah Rolled his eyes "are you ever going to tell me?"
"When your ready"
"When is that, exactly?"
"When I say so"
Elijah growled a little and Nuntius growled back. Elijah ducked his head the sound echoing through his head.
"Nuntius you've been saying all along that you want to merge, that you want this spell broken and for me to have the memories, why cant you just talk to me? Tell me about them, they, hurt you, so much, and you help me through my strife"
Nuntius didn't respond and he got up from his chair and started walking down the hall to the red door.
"TELL ME" Elijah finally yelled.
Nuntius stopped before he could reach the door. Another silence fell and Nuntius took a deep breath and exhaled.
"There with me for a reason, you don't suffer, these memories, for a reason, Elijah. I will not, tell you, until I feel you can handle it. Now, drop it"
Elijah shook and felt himself becoming emotional. "Its not fair" he muttered.
Something in Nuntius shifted and his shoulders dropped and he sighed. "No, no it's not fair" his voice became softer, gentle even.
"I just want, I just want to know what's hurting you, I just want to know what I've done to cause you such pain" Elijah said also softly
Nuntius swallowed his own emotions starting to rise out of him. "I know"
"Then, talk, to, me"
Nuntius went back to his chair and stood next to it his eyes caught the table next to it where a vase of flowers stood. Joy. Nuntius closed his eyes and took another deep breath in and out and exhaled. "You hurt people, Elijah, innocent, people, enemy's, your methods are brutal, you don't have any empathy for anyone in front of you. There's a rage, in you, that cannot be tamed, cannot be measured. When you strike, when you torture, maime, dismiss and destroy, it is, horrific, and I feel, that rage, their pain, and anguish. It doesn't last long, as soon as I get the memory, the pain fades and I can, function again. I know, I want you to have these memories I am well aware of that fact but, the sheer amount of guilt, that you would feel, and the rage, and emotional outpour, I fear, would drive you mad. That is why I am not telling you about them. And, I can't be sure if I tell you anything, that you won't just forget it later."
Elijah sat on the edge of the bed and dropped his head. "I'm sorry"
"So am I….I, love you Elijah, I do, and, this isn't, your fault, it's mothers and I…." Nuntius stopped.
Elijah lifted his head slowly "You what?" He asked gently
Nuntius didn't respond and went back behind the red door.
Elijah sat waiting, and waiting. He sighed deeply and laid on the bed. He got, somewhere, at least, he knew, a little more now and he tried to be understanding. Elijah closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
Nuntius went back behind the red door and closed it carefully and then paced. He'd talked a lot, he gave Elijah what he could and he was sure Elijah was upset now, that's what he didn't want. He got undressed and sat on his bed. He made Logi and looked at him. He was dim and as still as a moving fire could get.
"It hurts, Logi, to do this to him. It hurts. Give me all the pain in the world, Ill take it, but I can't take his." Logi sparked and Nuntius held him close and for the first time in a long time, he cried.