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Was it selfish to want to be loved?
The question lurked in the back of Jupiter’s mind for as long as he could remember. Since the day he formed and gained consciousness, it’s been a thought that circled throughout his mind.
He didn’t know the answer, and was the one who was supposed to know everything! He was the planet the little, curious beings would go to with a question, so why was this the one thing he couldn’t answer?
He’d puzzled over it for billions of years, the question haunting him like the screams of the dead Proto planets. It lingered in the back of his mind, never letting him rest without sowing doubt and guilt.
The question always came back, rearing its ugly head when he thought he was free.
Was it selfish to want to be loved?
Maybe it was because he didn’t get a childhood, that the question chased him day after day. He didn’t get to be a kid and explore the world around him with wide, giddy eyes like the Rockies. He didn’t have someone to kiss his scrapes better like the Ice Giants did. He didn’t have someone there to comfort him when he woke up crying like his moons did.
He had to grow up fast—so fast that the little, wide-eyed kid who found safety in his star didn’t get a chance to live and flourish like everyone else.
Jupiter had buried that version of him alongside Theia and Proto.
Stars, what was he doing wrong? Was he asking for too much? Was that it? Was it a sin to want to be given the same care he gave Uranus after his collision, or showered with the same, undying affection he gave the Rockies?
Was…was he too greedy? Did he take far too much from those around him to be offered a shred of the same love he gave them? Was that the answer to his strife?
It must be. There’s no other answer.
His mistakes were far too grand to ever be forgiven. He could never be treated like the gentle way he held Earth after the planet ran to him when he first got life.
Jupiter could run himself ragged taking care of everyone around him, fostering a happy and safe Solar System from scratch, doing the job their star failed at—
But he would never get it in return.
It was out of the question. A big, powerful Gas Giant like him didn’t get to be loved.
Jupiter gave the best hugs, offered the best comfort, did everything he could to keep together this dysfunctional family—nobody else could do it like him. He was the only one capable of doing this.
He didn’t ask for anyone to take his job, no no he would never put that burden on someone else. It was for Jupiter and Jupiter alone to carry.
But…
Was it selfish to wish to be loved?
There’s a part of him that dreams things were different—that the little, awe-filled kid had a chance to grow up and be loved without feeling any guilt or shame. That his childhood wasn’t robbed by grief and Sun’s trauma didn’t keep him from loving his planets.
In this fantasy world, he was allowed to be a kid and get into trouble and make mistakes and have fun.
All Jupiter ever wanted was that: to be given a chance to be silly and ignorant before the harsh truth of reality set in.
But he didn’t get that.
Instead, he watched the life he could’ve had play out in front of his eyes—because if he couldn’t have a childhood, then you bet your core he would do everything in his power to shower the other planets with as much love and affection as he could.
He worked his core off to succeed. It took many sleepless cycles and lots of blood, sweat, and tears to break free from the curse Sun set on him and grant the younger souls the life he never got to have.
But finally, finally, after fighting through losses filled devastating grief and suffering through bouts of despair and hopelessness…it worked.
He succeeded.
Two Ice Giants, a plethora of moons, and Six Four Rocky planets survived.
And one developed life.
The pride he felt when life first began evolving on Earth’s surface drowned out the nagging feeling that something was missing. He had most of the pieces of the puzzle, but one was missing.
Jupiter told himself he was fine with being the invisible force keeping everyone safe. He didn’t need any “thank you”s or recognition for his work, because seeing it play out in front of him in bright smiles and cackling laughter was all the thanks he needed.
And yet…
Nobody saw his effort.
Nobody saw how much it destroyed him to take care of everyone day in and day out. Nobody…
Not even the star that forced him into this position in the first place. The star who Jupiter had done his job for for billions of years.
The star that stole away what could’ve been his childhood.
He’s not angry. Jupiter doesn’t get angry. He understands the position Sun was in and knows he didn’t mean to do all of this…it was just the way things played out. Sun couldn’t control who died, or could turn off his grief to be a parent, and so Jupiter didn’t blame him for what happened.
He just wished that maybe…just maybe, the star would recognize all he’s done and say: “I’m so proud of you. I’m sorry for not being there for you, but I’m here now. I love you, my little Thunderbringer.”
But he knew that was as likely as Pluto going supernova.
Was it selfish to want to be loved?
Yes.
Yes it was.