Work Text:
It started as a light-hearted suggestion.
Peter had just returned from another night of patrolling the city.
Sliding the apartment window open, he stepped inside from the fire escape.
MJ’s place was spacious for a one-bedroom, one-bath apartment, certainly bigger than anything Peter had ever rented - or would ever be able to afford.
He removed his mask, dropping it to the floor.
Running his hands through his short hair, he spotted her.
There she was, MJ, sitting at her vanity carefully applying her makeup.
He examined the way her soft features sparkled in the light of the mirror, her hair a vibrant rosy red, cascading past her shoulders. Her lipstick was the perfect shade of crimson, matching her hair. Her eyeliner was perfect, not a single smudge or mistake in sight.
Peter could see why she was a model. When he thought of pure beauty, she was the first face that came to mind.
But there was also a strange feeling that came with his admiration.
A pang of jealousy stirred inside him.
A thought materialized in his head before he could stop it.
“I wish I looked like that.”
He quickly shoved the feeling away, deep down into the dark depths of his mind.
That…jealousy, or whatever you call it, had been tormenting Peter for weeks.
He couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror anymore; it just reminded him of what he wasn’t.
What he didn’t look like.
What he would never be.
MJ’s voice pulled Peter from his thoughts.
“Are you just going to sit there and gawk?” she teased, looking at him through the mirror.
Peter tried to meet her eyes, but the moment he caught his own reflection, he recoiled, his gaze shooting to the floor.
“ I can’t help it. You’re just so beautiful.” Peter said softly.
MJ turned around in her chair and giggled.
“Thanks, Peter.”
She got up and walked closer to him, planting a quick kiss on his cheek.
“It’s good to see you,” she said warmly.
“You too,” he replied, his mood improving slightly.
“How was Spider-Maning?”
“Fine.”
“You’ve been going out on patrol a lot. Don’t you think you should take a break?”
“The city needs Spider-Man, MJ.”
“I know, I know, but I need you too.” She smiled at him sweetly.
“Yeah,” he said reluctantly.
Peter had been throwing himself into his Spider-Man duties over the past few weeks.
The moment he slipped on that mask, everything faded away.
He didn’t have to see his face, think those wrong thoughts, or feel the envy and jealousy - it all disappeared under the mask.
He could just…be the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
So really, who could blame him for throwing himself into Spider-Man work?
It makes him feel good.
Peter's gaze drifted towards MJ’s extensive makeup kit, filled with brushes, makeup pens, wipes, mirrors, and more.
MJ followed Peter’s gaze, squinting as she realized what he was looking at.
“You like my makeup?” she asked.
“Of course I do. It makes you look amazing,” Peter said, turning his attention back to MJ
Peter could practically see the gears turning in MJ’s head as she brought a hand to her chin.
“Hey, why don’t we try some of my makeup on you?” she suggested playfully.
“W-what?” Peter stammered, caught off guard by the suggestion.
“I see you admiring my makeup all the time, and you’re telling me you’ve never thought about trying it on?
“No?” Peter asked, playing dumb.
Truth is, he had, many times, but he was afraid to do it himself.
He would look disgusting. He knew that for sure.
Maybe MJ doing it would quiet some of those thoughts swirling around in his head.
“Come on, Peter, let me work my magic!” she pleaded.
Peter pretended to think it over for a few seconds before agreeing.
“Fine. But don’t get any on the suit.”
“Yes!”
MJ pumped her fist in the air and grabbed Peter’s hand, along with her makeup kit.
She guided him to the couch and set him down.
“I know you get fidgety with mirrors; we can do it here,” she clarified.
“T-thanks,” Peter replied nervously.
MJ grabbed a tube of primer and squirted a tiny bit on her palm.
“Hold still…” she said, her voice taking on a more serious tone.
As MJ worked her magic, using various tools and brushes, Peter tried to stay still.
He fidgeted as a brush touched his skin; its bristles soft and tingly against his face.
MJ lowered the brush.
“What, you can fight a 6-foot-tall lizard but can’t handle a little makeup, Tiger?” she teased.
“It just…feels weird…”
MJ laughed, returning her attention to the makeup.
As she finished the final touches, she took in Peter’s look.
“How…do I look? Peter asked shyly.
For the first time in a long while, Peter felt a small glimmer of hope.
Maybe this is what he needed. Maybe, just maybe, makeup could make him finally feel like himself.
MJ stifled a laugh, and the small spark inside Peter went out.
“What? What’s wrong?” he asked, worried.
MJ tilted her compact mirror toward Peter
When Peter saw his reflection, his world stopped.
MJ, Spider-Man responsibilities, the apartment, everything faded away in that moment.
He had dark red lipstick on, matching the color of his suit. Blush coated his cheeks in a pinkish red hue. His eyelids were colored dark pink by the eyeshadow MJ had applied, complemented by black mascara. The makeup accentuated his features, giving his face a softer, more feminine appearance.
He looked…pretty?
Can he even describe himself in that way?
A warm, buzzing feeling filled his chest, his stomach getting butterflies.
Tingles were coursing throughout his body.
He felt good.
Was it hope?
He liked what he saw.
He wanted to look at his reflection.
Peter faintly smiled, comforted by what he saw.
He could feel tears welling up in his eyes.
Finally, he liked himself. For once, he…
MJ burst out laughing, tears forming in her eyes.
“HAHAHA! Ha! Oh man! I might’ve overdone it a bit- Haha! HAHAHA!”
MJ’s laughter felt like cold water being dumped on Peter. The warmth and happiness he had felt moments before were replaced by shame.
The happiness washed away, revealing the sad man he knew.
Peter silently looked down, ashamed of his hope.
What was he thinking?
He didn’t look pretty.
He looked ugly.
Disgusting.
Repulsive.
As MJ wiped a tear from her eye, she noticed Peter wasn’t laughing with her.
Her playful expression faded as she noticed something was wrong.
Peter wiped a tear from his eye and stood, turning his back to MJ.
“Peter?” she asked, her concern growing
He spoke in a low, bitter voice.
“You didn’t have to laugh.”
Peter walked towards the other room, stopping only when MJ called after him.
“Wait! Peter! I just - I’m sorry! I thought we were having fun. I shouldn’t have laughed.”
“Why did you even suggest it?” he asked, his tone bitter and cold.
“I thought it would be something we would laugh about together. I never meant to hurt you…” MJ trailed off, worried.
Peter stood near the bathroom, the open door offering a glimpse of the mirror inside.
He got a good look at himself.
No matter how much he liked his reflection, he didn’t deserve to play pretend.
He didn’t deserve this.
That version of himself was a fantasy…nothing more.
“Forget it.” He muttered.
Peter lifted his hand to his face, desperate to wipe the makeup away.
MJ jumped off the couch and grabbed his wrist before he could wipe it away.
“Hey, hey, wait! Stop! What are you doing?” She asked, her voice filled with worry.
“It’s not fair,” Peter muttered, tears welling up in his eyes.
MJ let go of Peter’s wrist and stepped in front of him.
“It’s just not fair…” he repeated, burying his face in his hands.
MJ gently pulled his hands away from his face.
“What’s not fair?” she asked.
“You get to be feminine, to be beautiful, and I just… I keep asking myself…”
He looked down at the floor, ashamed of what he was about to say.
“...Why can’t that be me too?”
MJ’s mouth parted slightly, unsure of how to respond.
“What do you mean?”
“I just want to be beautiful. Is that…is that so wrong? But I get it now. I can’t be beautiful. I’ll never be. I just thought, for a moment…maybe there was hope. After years, I finally saw…me. But you’re right. I - it’s just a joke.”
Peter moved to wipe more of the makeup off.
MJ grabbed his wrist tightly, stopping him before he could wipe it away.
“Wait! No, stop! I shouldn’t have laughed. It looks good! You look good!”
“Don’t lie to me, MJ.”
“I’m not!”
“I don’t need your pity.”
“Peter! I’m serious! You look great!” MJ insisted, examining his features.
She ruffled his short brown hair.
“The eyeshadow looks great with your suit and your hair.” She said with a comforting smile.
A faint blush flickered across Peter’s face before he shifted his gaze to the floor, his sadness returning.
“Well, maybe I can help you do your makeup for a while! If you want to make this a part of your regular look! And I won’t laugh. I prom-” MJ began, attempting to turn the situation around, before Peter interrupted her.
“You don’t get it, MJ. It’s not just makeup,” he muttered.
MJ tilted her head in confusion, her eyes narrowing.
“That’s only temporary. When it comes off…I’m me again. No matter what I do, I can’t escape it. I can’t hide from it.”
MJ placed her hand on his shoulder, attempting to comfort him.
“Escape what?”
“My reflection…” he softly admitted as he sank to the floor.
MJ crouched down with him, grasping his hand tightly.
“You can talk to me, Peter.”
“I wish…” Peter began, looking away from MJ, unable to face her.
His thoughts raged like a thunderstorm inside of him, unforgiving and relentless.
“Don’t admit this.”
“You’ll never be beautiful.”
“Why did you even get your hopes up?”
“Men shouldn't think these things.”
Peter took a shaky breath, working up his courage.
“...I wish I looked like you,” he admitted.
“Like me?” she questioned.
Peter shyly met MJ’s confused but comforting gaze.
“You’re beautiful. Your hair is long and perfect, your skin is soft, and I’m…not. My skin is rough, my hair is short, my shoulders are too broad, my chin is so square. I can’t escape that. I’ll…I’ll never be able to like the way I look.”
“You don’t have to be like me,” MJ replied.
She tightened her hold on his hand.
“Besides…I think you’re pretty handsome,” MJ added.
“I don’t want to be handsome!” Peter exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.
He crossed his arms, his gaze returning to the floor.
“I don’t even want to be a man. I just…”
He swallowed, his hands shaking.
Tears slipped freely down his face.
He wiped the tears from his face, gathering the courage to reveal the secret he had kept buried for so long.
“I want to be a woman…”
Saying those six words felt almost impossible.
The shame came rushing in almost as soon as the words left his mouth
The room was silent, except for the distant hum of the air conditioner.
MJ stared at him in stunned silence, unsure of what to say.
But Peter couldn’t be a woman.
He’s not allowed to be one.
He was born a man.
And he had to live with that.
Peter shot a web at his mask, startling MJ as it flew towards him.
He stood up and wiped fresh tears from his face.
He pulled the mask down over his eyes, leaving his nose & mouth exposed.
“But I’m not a woman. I just have to accept that,” he said bitterly
He shot another web, opening the window.
“I’m going on patrol,” he said, his voice cracking slightly.
He started toward the window, but MJ quickly grabbed his arm, stopping him.
“Let go of me!” He said through a trembling voice.
“Don’t hide from me,” she replied, standing firmly in place.
“I... let go of me... please…” he whispered, his voice shaking.
Peter was on the verge of tears. He didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this.
He sank to the floor for a second time, with MJ following him down.
MJ pulled off his mask, revealing red, puffy eyes.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I know it’s gross…and creepy…I shouldn't feel these things,” He muttered, his lips trembling.
MJ grabbed Peter’s hands.
“It’s not gross.”
Peter looked down at the floor in shame.
“Peter,” MJ repeated softly. “It’s not gross.”
Tears poured down Peter’s face as he struggled to get the words out.
“I just…I just want to be a woman…so bad,” he said shakily. “I want to be treated like a woman and just…just be told that I’m beautiful. J-just once. I want to live my life as a woman. Be Spider-Man…as a woman. Work for the Bugle as a woman. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?” He asked, his voice trembling.
“No, no, Peter. It’s not,” MJ said gently.
“I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” he admitted, breaking down in tears.
MJ hugged Peter tightly, simply holding him as he cried.
When Peter calmed down, MJ pulled back, gently meeting his gaze.
“Peter,” she said softly. “If you want to be a woman this badly…you can be.”
“Wh-what?” Peter whispered, still shaken by everything she had just confessed.
MJ caressed Peter’s chin, examining her features closely.
“I can see it. Grow out your hair a bit…try more makeup, shave…”
Peter looked at MJ with a broken expression.
“I think you’d make a beautiful woman, Tigress.” She said with a smile.
Hearing those words shattered the last of the strength Peter had been holding onto.
“I think I’d like that…” she whispered.
The dam broke, and Peter was sobbing in MJ’s arms.
MJ started stroking Peter’s hair, comforting her in any way she could.
Peter spoke shakily, through her tears.
“T-thank you…” she said softly.
“I’ll love you no matter what, Peter. Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Spider-Person, I don’t care what you are. I love you for YOU.”
Peter continued crying, overwhelmed by everything she was feeling.
She felt as if a new light had been turned on inside of her.
As if a weight she had gotten used to had finally lifted.
She was…hopeful.
After a long emotional moment, Peter finally lifted her head from MJ’s embrace.
MJ attempted to lighten the mood.
“Hey, do you want to try the makeup again?” she asked.
Peter lowered her gaze, her earlier hopefulness fading.
“I won’t laugh. I promise,” MJ said reassuringly.
Peter wordlessly shook her head.
The two entered the bathroom.
Peter gazed at her reflection in the mirror while MJ stood behind her, arms crossed.
Peter’s makeup was a mess. Tear-streaked eyeliner ran down her cheeks, her blush had smeared along the side of her face, and her lipstick was equally ruined.
Her eyes widened.
“Oh wow, I look…awful…” She said, staring at the mess on her face.
She touched the side of her face, feeling the makeup smeared across her skin.
“Why didn’t you tell me I looked so bad?” she asked, a lighthearted edge returning to her voice.
MJ raised an eyebrow.
“I was a little distracted by your emotional crisis, Peter.”
“R-right,” she replied sheepishly.
MJ turned on the faucet and faced Peter.
“Alright, you wash your face, I’ll go get my makeup stuff. Got it?”
“Got it.”
MJ walked out of the bathroom, shutting the door.
Peter was left alone with her thoughts.
She grabbed the bar of soap by the faucet, slipping off her gloves.
She ran her hands under the warm water, letting the soothing sensation wash over her.
As she washed the makeup away, she felt herself slowly unwinding.
The warm water was calming after her draining confession.
When she finished washing her face, she wiped it with a towel and looked at her bare face.
She flinched, looking down at the floor.
She wasn’t ready to meet her reflection just yet.
She’d get there one day, just not today.
Peter was startled when MJ opened the door.
She held a clear makeup bin, the same one the pair had used earlier.
MJ turned Peter away from the mirror to face her.
“Let's get started,” she said with a smile.
Peter was able to relax more than before, becoming more accustomed to the sensations as MJ carefully applied the makeup.
“And…perfect!” MJ said as she lowered her brush.
Peter braced for laughter, mockery, shame, anything to extinguish the new light inside her, but nothing came.
She met MJ’s eyes, only finding warmth and understanding.
“You ready to see?” she asked.
Peter shook her head.
Turning around, Peter expected to see the man she had always seen in the mirror. But that wasn't what she found.
Standing before her was a woman.
A woman who had just started living her life.
The makeup was lighter than before, with MJ focusing mostly on Peter’s eyes.
Blue eyeshadow covered her eyes, with black mascara. Her lips had a fresh coat of the same crimson-red lipstick. Her skin appeared softer from the moisturizer MJ had used earlier.
Peter touched her face, making sure it was hers.
“MJ…thank you…” she said, feeling tears well up once more.
MJ’s eyes widened as she held her hands up towards Peter to calm her.
“Hey, hey, I’m happy for you, but maybe don’t cry again? We don’t want to mess up the makeup.”
“Right. S-sorry,” she said as she slowed her breathing, trying to hold back her tears
Peter turned back towards the mirror, meeting her reflection once more.
She liked what she saw.
Finally, she was becoming herself.
The woman she was meant to be all along.
It almost felt like a dream, a dream she never wanted to wake up from.
A sudden thought interrupted her euphoria, causing Peter to jump.
“Oh! Wait! If I’m going to be a woman now, what- what do I tell my villains?! Do I just interrupt Rhino mid ‘I’ll destroy you, Spider-Man’ to go ‘um actually it’s Spider-Woman now’ or do I just not say anything and show up with boobs one day? Wait! Boobs! I- I’ll need to make a new suit eventually…and have to calibrate my web fluid to account for the fat redistribution. I’ll need to grow out my hair too... Wait, can you hide hair well under masks? I don’t know, maybe keep it chin-length? I’ll have to ask Gwen- OH! And what would Jonna say?! Would it be transphobic to hate on me now? Is he transphobic? I mean… he’s old-fashioned, but is he that old-fashioned? There is so much to do!”
MJ laughed as she put her hand on Peter’s shoulder.
“Easy, tigress, slow down. Let’s start with something small, like a new name. Have you thought of that?
Peter put her hand to her chin, thinking carefully.
“How about…May? No…Jessica? Hmm...Percy?
MJ shook her head.
“Phoebe?”
MJ frowned, tilting her head to the side.
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” Peter muttered.
She paused, thinking harder.
One name in the back of her mind had been locked away for far too long.
“Maybe…Petra?” She suggested.
That name felt special the moment she said it.
“Petra Parker…I like it,” MJ said with a smile.
She repeated the new name in her head.
“Petra Parker”
“Petra Parker”
It had a nice ring to it.
For the first time, it felt like her true name.
After finishing up in the bathroom, the two returned to the main room.
“Well, Petra…” MJ began, putting emphasis on the new name.
Petra felt warm and tingly hearing her name.
Her new name.
A woman’s name.
“...We need to take you shopping for clothes this weekend.”
Petra’s brow furrowed.
“What’s wrong with my current clothes?” she asked.
MJ rolled her eyes.
“Petra, the all-black baggy sweatshirt and jeans thing doesn’t exactly scream feminine.”
“I need to hide my suit!” Petra protested.
“I-” MJ started, but the sound of police sirens blaring through the streets below interrupted her.
Petra glanced at the window, then back at MJ with a sheepish smile.
MJ sighed.
“Go. But we are going shopping. No getting out of this.”
Petra smiled and shot a web at her mask, pulling it into her hand.
As she slipped the mask on, MJ stopped her before she could pull it down over her face.
“Wait,” MJ said, leaning in to kiss Petra on the lips.
She then grabbed Petra’s mask, pulling it down over her face before she could say anything.
“Go get ’em...Spider-Woman.”
Petra's smile that followed was so wide she swore MJ could see it through the mask.
She stumbled toward the window, still flustered by the new name.
Taking one last look at MJ, she dove out the window, swinging onto the streets of New York.
As the fabric of her suit fluttered in the wind, she lost herself in the familiar sensation.
The intense G-forces pressed against her as she swung on one web after another.
She laughed, flipping and twisting through the air as she swung, the city lights illuminating her path.
The weight that had held her down for weeks was gone, making her feel lighter.
Petra practically danced in the air, swinging in fluid motions.
She was no longer Peter Parker, Spider-Man.
She had become who she was meant to be.
Something true to herself.
She was Petra Parker.
Spider-Woman.