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Jason pulls into the parking lot at Gotham Academy and tries to pretend the sight of the building doesn’t hit him like a punch to the gut.
The first time he’d seen it, Jason had just stopped for a second and stared in awe. Bruce had found it adorable, how excited Jason was. Jason’s amazement had only grown as the Dean of Students had guided Jason through the halls, explaining the school’s layout and facilities. As soon as Jason had the opportunity, he’d asked to see the library.
Jason can remember it even now. Gotham Academy’s library is amazing. It’s not as grand as Wayne Manor’s, but it has tons of cozy seating, and books that came out more recently than the 80s. Jason loved his classics, but he also sometimes liked to pick books from the school library, especially to see all the new science fiction premises that writers with access to modern technology invented.
The librarian had been nice too. Mrs. Sanders had believed him when he told her the books he read and was always happy to discuss them with him. When he’d been having problems with some of the other kids, she’d even let him eat lunch in the library, as long as he promised not to read the books while eating. Jason wonders if she’s still working there.
Jason looks out the window and sees Damian walking toward him. Jason had walked that same path every day when he was Damian’s age, grinning as he carried his books under his arm. He’d always stay late to talk to his eighth grade English teacher, and then he’d end up rushing out the door without the time to shove things in his backpack.
Bruce or Alfred had usually picked him up from school. Occasionally Dick. They’d ask him about his day and he’d tell them everything he’d learned. The book he was reading in English, the history lesson of the day, the experiment he did in science, the problem he’d solved in math.
Jason had been so happy just to be able to attend school at all, let alone Gotham Academy. They say you never know what you have until it’s gone, but Jason had already lost this when he dropped out of fifth grade to go on the run from social services. He’d lost it, knowing that he’d probably never get it back, that all of his promises to his parents about graduating would never be fulfilled. And then, Bruce had given him that chance back. So even when Jason had first walked through the doors of Gotham Academy, Jason had treasured the opportunity.
He’d still lost it a second time.
When Jason had burst from the Lazarus Pit, he’d had a lot of things that he was a lot more upset about. His brutal death, for one. The Joker’s continued existence, for another. After everything, years later, Bruce would tell him that he could’ve just come home. And maybe if Jason had done that, he would’ve walked the stage at graduation and been handed a high school diploma, then gone off to study English or Social Work or Creative Writing at Gotham University. At the time, though, Jason hadn’t even considered the possibility.
It’s only now, sitting in the Gotham Academy parking lot, that Jason realizes he really could’ve gone back—and that now he can’t.
Jason missed most of high school. Half of it spent catatonic or in a coma, the other half training in the League of Assassins. He didn’t even make it through the ninth grade. Now, he’s too old.
He knows that, technically speaking, he could get a GED. When he was younger, Bruce had promised him he’d get to go to college. Jason isn’t too old for that. But Jason is running a full-fledged criminal empire. He can’t go to college and be Red Hood, and it’s clear which one Jason would have to pick.
Fourteen-year-old Jason would’ve fought. He would’ve talked about how great college would be, all the things he could learn, all the futures a degree would unlock. But that kid’s future was lost when he died. Now, Red Hood’s the only thing he’ll ever be.
And Red Hood’s not that bad. Jason loves being Red Hood. He loves how he’s been able to actually help, to keep people safe, to see problems and fix them. He loves flying through the air on a grappling line. He loves the Outlaws.
But as he looks out at Gotham Academy, he wishes that things could have been different.
Damian raps on the passenger seat window. Jason unlocks the door, and his youngest brother climbs into the car.
Jason asks him about his day.