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It's been weeks since Nicole became… like this. She's glued to Ari’s side at all times, always with those doe eyes that seemed ready to cry at the slightest bit of confrontation. To be frank, it pissed me off. It pissed me off that Nicole could pull all this bullshit, hurt so many people so deeply, and then just one day? She starts acting like a little bitch? Sorry for the harsh language. I know we all fall short to the light of the Lord, but surely sometimes there's a difference between failing to be a good person, and actively choosing to be a bad one.
When Ari texted me the other night that Nicole had been saying she wanted to try and reconcile the differences she and I had. My first reaction was to outright refuse, she had humiliated me in front of the entire school and ruined my relationship. But my priest had told me to allow God into my decisions more, so I took a few moments to pray for guidance. While I wasn't given a clear answer, I did calm down enough that I was willing to give her a chance. I told Ari that we would talk at school.
At lunch Nicole sat next to me instead of on the other side of the table with Ari. She was a little uncomfortably close to me, but I didn't feel like moving or pushing her to the side, lest she start bawling again. There was a brief silence as Nicole took a few deep breaths before she spoke.
“Hey… uh Megan… I really want to apologize to you.” Ari looked at us, looking a little nervous but said nothing.
“Oh you do? Really? Why now, why not when it happened, why did you even do it at all?” I respond, trying and failing miserably to keep the edge in my voice from raising. I saw her curl up in a ball spiritually, holding back tears.
“Look, I'm sorry for being so prickly Nicole…” I tried to explain.
“No I totally get it Megan, I was so awful to you, I don't deserve your forgiveness but I at least want you to be able to move on from the trauma that I caused you.”
This wasn't going as I expected at all, honestly I expected that the second I applied any pressure the “mask” would slip and the old Nicole would bite back hard. Instead she seemed to collapse even at the slightest of aggressions. Ari stood up looking like she'd jump over the table to get to the brunette, but I shook my head very slightly. I wrapped Nicole in a one armed hug and soothed her, while stroking my cross with my other hand. Lord, please give me the strength to forgive this broken girl.
She was crying softly, and eventually I handed her a tissue from my bag. She wiped her dripping wet face and looked at me with watery deep blue eyes. I gave her a gentle smile and asked a question.
“Would you like to come to church with me Nicole? I feel like it could help both of us get over the pain of what happened.” She sniffled and nodded her head, Ari had sat back down and seemed pleased with the end result of this. I looked at the redhead and asked with my eyes if she'd like to come with us, and I saw her shake her head furiously. Very much a “I'm gay bitch what do you think” no, I've tried to explain to her that my church is in no way homophobic, but she still refuses. It's ok though, as long as Nicole is still functional without her nearby, things should be fine.
So the next few days went on without incident, I treated Nicole with no suspicion or hostility. We talked a bit at lunch, and it turns out that this new Nicole was interested in just about anything I had to talk about. I was telling her about how I had a serious chance at getting a scholarship to acting school, and she was so impressed she congratulated me with a voice so excited it raised an octave. If I'm being honest, I forgave her long before we even stepped into my church, but I felt that the church might also help her forgive herself.
I picked her up Sunday morning in my mom's car, my mom and dad were out of town on a business trip. So it would just be the two of us attending mass, and then I had asked a priest to meet with us after to offer some spiritual guidance and advice. Nicole looked a little uncomfortable, and when I asked why she just looked down and mumbled something about missing Ari. Those two were really codependent, but that’s something we don't need to address right now.
After a short drive we pulled into the parking lot of my religious sanctuary. We both got out and Nicole immediately speedwalked until she was standing directly next to me, and she shyly held my hand. Her touch was tentative, as though she was worried I would rip my hand away, instead I folded her hand into mine, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
We sat in our seats as the pastor preached to us about the power of forgiveness, about how we should all work to be as close to God in our day to day lives. Nicole seemingly had never heard this stuff before, so she was enamoured, hanging on to every word as though they were made of gold. At the end of service, as the other churchgoers filed out the exit, Nicole and I waited for a priest to come out and find us, he smiled at us, recognizing me but not her.
“Oh hello Megan, it's been a while since we sat together hasn't it. Would you mind introducing me to your friend?” He greeted us.
“Yes of course Father, this is Nicole, we’re friends from school.” I responded.
“Well hello there Nicole, what brings you to our lovely church?”
“I uhm.. well… I used to be a really awful rotten person, I hurt a lot of people, including Megan…” She started to explain, but her tears began to fall rather quickly. I grabbed her hand again and continued where she left off.
After everything was explained, the priest looked deep in thought as he pondered all the information he had been given.
“Well Nicole, it seems that you have been given a miracle, and you express extreme remorse for your actions in the past. I'd like to invite the two of you to pray together with me, for the continuing of this new found caring spirit you seem to have Nicole.” He spoke finally. With the hand not holding Nicole's, I reached out to the priest’s hand, and Nicole followed suit with the other hands. We all closed our eyes together, and the priest began.
“Thank you Lord, for delivering onto us a caring soul in the name of Nicole. She has gone from wicked to kind and caring, please continue to protect her spirit from lapsing back into her dark ways. Thank you for blessing Megan with the strength to forgive Nicole for the pain she caused in the past. Thank you Lord, for all the love you have spread to us…”
We opened our eyes and the priest nodded to us, before leaving us alone. Nicole looked at me shyly.
“Thank you for giving me a chance Megan, are we friends now?” She asked, with a worried tone.
“Obviously Nicole, I wouldn't have let you come anywhere near such a sacred place for me if I wasn't willing to be your friend. Would you like to come to church with me again next week?” I reassured her.
“I uhm… I don't know, I don't think religion is really for me honestly…”
“That's ok Nicci, it's a lot to take in at once. Thank you for praying with me, and thank you for doing your best to make things right between us.” She nearly knocked me over as she tackled me into a tight hug, I could feel by the growing wet spot on my shoulder she was sobbing, but I think it was tears of happiness.