Archive of Our Own

“Woo! What a fucking day, huh?”

“Yeah, totally.” Shane lifted his headphones out of his ears before realizing he’d forgotten to turn off the sound playing through them. The voice of a radio host could be heard through the speakers before he paused his iPod.

“What are you listening to?” Ilya asked after taking a sip of his water. Shane wished desperately he’d remembered to bring water when he’d gone down to the hotel gym.

“Just a radio show I like.”

“Which one?”

“Lost Tracks with Yvette. It’s a late-night show on the radio in Ontario, and I like to download the recordings and listen to them later. My parents used to play it when they were driving me to and from hockey tournaments really early in the morning or late at night. The host has a really nice voice.” Shane knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t stop.

“Ah.” Ilya took another sip of his water. “Was today everything you dreamed of?”

'Cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'

And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion

And all the pandemonium and all the madness

There comes a time where you fade to the blackness

And when you starin' at that phone in your lap

And you hopin', but them people never call you back

Yvette LeClaire arrived for the start of her work at Radio Kingston at 10 PM and waved hello to the evening host, Gary, who was on the air from 7 PM to 12 AM. He waved back silently; the “On Air” sign was illuminated. If Yvette got in early, while the final ads of the 9 PM block were playing, sometimes she’d go in and give him a proper hello, but today the snow was falling in Kingston and she’d had to shovel out her car before she could leave for work. Could be worse, she figured. Montreal had gotten so slammed with snow that they’d shut down the airport entirely.

Yvette had the basic building blocks of her playlist for the evening already set, but the first thing she did when she arrived at work each day was to go through her voicemail and email to look for new requests to play on the show. She took as many requests as she could to fill the air during the quiet hours of midnight to 5 AM, but sometimes she had to turn them down. Last summer, some prankster pretending to be the Boston hockey player Ilya Rozanov had emailed her requesting she play 'Right Round' and dedicate it “to a very special someone with a beautiful mouth.” Absolutely not.

Voicemails came first. She liked to play requests from live callers the most, followed by voicemails. Listeners found the voices of the callers engaging, or so the market research the radio station paid too much money for said. Plus, playing a listener voicemail gave her a chance to mute her microphone long enough to take a sip of coffee or water.

There were three voicemails waiting for her tonight, all of them usable. One of them was from a caller she recognized. Heather’s new husband Scott was a trucker, and whenever Scott took overnight routes for the extra money, Heather would call during the day and dedicate a song to him to be played during the night, telling him she loved him and he should drive safely. (Yvette knew he was a new husband because the dedications had started as “my boyfriend Scott,” became “my fiancé Scott” about a year and a half ago, and then “my husband Scott” this fall.) Tonight Heather wanted to hear 'Just The Way You Are' by Bruno Mars, which would fit nicely toward the end of the 12 AM hour.

Yvette got to recognize some people. Most people would make a request once and never do so again, but some people loved doing it and did it over and over again. Many of her “regulars” were in situations like Heather, having someone in their life who worked in the wee hours of the morning and listened to the radio to fill the quiet of those hours. Heather and Scott stuck out because they tended to request more modern songs, which was especially useful. Radio Kingston had an adult contemporary format and played songs ranging from the 1980s to the present day, but the requests tended to be older songs, and radio management was often after her to play more Top 40 hits.

The other voicemails were from people she hadn’t heard before, but they were nice. Tom wanted to hear the Faith Hill song 'Breathe,' a listener favourite and his recently deceased wife Carol’s favorite song. It would go well in a gap in the 2 AM hour. Cindy wanted to dedicate 'Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum to Kevin, and that would go in the 1 AM hour, as close to 1:15 AM as possible.

Next, emails. Most people still preferred to call with their requests, which made sense for a radio station, but email was becoming a more frequent way to request songs. The first email she saw had been sent at around 3 PM that day from a woman with the display name Lily R.

Hi Yvette, my name is Lily. I’d like to dedicate a song to Jane, who I was really hoping to see tonight and couldn’t because of the weather. Could you play 'Airplanes' by B.o.B. and Hayley Williams for Jane? Thank you so much!

Sent from my iPhone

Yvette considered the request. It was a modern song, like the studio executives wanted. The message was sweet and on brand for her show. The station used to get complaints from religious groups when they played messages between gay or lesbian couples, earlier in Yvette’s career, but—those had died down after Canada legalized same-sex marriage back in 2005; the bigots couldn’t really complain about overnight radio because they couldn’t play the “think of the children!” card when children were supposed to be in bed; and—Yvette didn’t give a rat’s ass what those types thought anyway. Plus, the mention of the weather would make a nice segue into a traffic and weather segment. Perfect.

Hi, Lily. I’m so sorry to hear you couldn’t see Jane tonight! I’d be glad to play 'Airplanes' for Jane and read your message for her on the air. I can’t guarantee an exact time, but listen for it between 3 and 4 AM today. Stay safe and warm tonight!

Yvette pulled up her setlist and dropped in the songs she’d added from voicemails and emails.

Since the day I met you and after all we’ve been through

Still a dick, I’m addicted to you

I think you know that it’s true, I’d run a thousand miles to get you

Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could

Just to keep you, but you left anyway

The June evening was warm as Yvette walked from her car into Radio Kingston’s headquarters. When she entered, she saw that Gary’s program was on an ad break and went into the booth. “Hey, Gary. How’s your day going?”

“Pretty good. Fair warning, the phones are dead tonight. Everyone’s out and about for a summer Friday instead of calling in here, seems like. How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Thanks for letting me know, but I’ve been doing overnights long enough to get good at filling up airtime without any callers.”

“They should’ve gotten you off the graveyard shift years ago, Yvette. You’re too good not to be on drive-time.”

Yvette shrugged. “I like doing it. The people I get to talk to are interesting. Besides, I figure it’s good I take overnights and let the DJs with spouses and kids work more regular hours. Speaking of, how’s Dana?”

“She’s great. Visiting her sister this weekend, though, so I got the house to myself. Sorry, Yvette, I’m back on the air in 30 seconds, ads are almost done.”

“No problem. See you later, Gary.” Yvette left the studio and closed the door. Gary had been hosting the 7 PM to 12 AM show for the past six years. His wife Dana worked second shift as a nurse supervisor at a nursing home and they didn’t have any kids, so the hours worked well for him.

Yvette walked back to the DJs’ shared office and checked her voicemail and email. There was only one voicemail today, Daniel requesting she play 'DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love' for Jennifer since the two of them were going out dancing that night after recently getting back together. Yvette penciled it in for 1 to 2 AM, hoping she’d catch them around the time bars were closing.

Yvette switched over to email and saw an email from Jane H.

Hello Yvette! I’m Jane and I’ve been listening to Lost Tracks for years, but this is my first time making a request. I’d like to dedicate a song to Lily, 'Addicted' by Simple Plan. We had an argument recently and I regret the way I acted, but I’m also angry with Lily about what happened and I won’t get to see her all summer. I loved Simple Plan growing up and it would help to hear it, and I think Lily would appreciate it too. Thank you!

Yvette racked her brain, trying to figure out why the name combination of Jane and Lily sounded familiar. She searched her email for Jane and Lily, finding only one other email: Lily’s request from February of that year for 'Airplanes.'

Hi Jane! Thank you so much for listening and for your request. I’d be glad to play 'Addicted' for you, always happy to play a Canadian artist. I can’t guarantee an exact time, but I’ll likely play it between 12 and 1 AM tonight.

I also have a question, if you don’t mind me asking. Awhile back, I got a request from someone named Lily to play a song for someone named Jane. Was that your Lily?

Yvette began sorting through the rest of her emails to see where she could add other requests to the nightly show. Once those were squared away, she checked the social media accounts for her program. Radio Kingston had a social media manager who handled all the posting, but sometimes Yvette would check the comments to see if anyone had left song requests or stories that would be good to share on the air. Tonight, with the slow call volume, it’d be good to have something extra to fill the airtime.

As Yvette was scrolling through Facebook comments, her email dinged with a note from Jane.

Yes, Lily requested 'Airplanes' by B.o.B. for me when her flight to see me got canceled because of the snowstorm back in February. We eventually got to see each other a couple times before this argument and had a really nice time together. Thank you for reminding me of that, Yvette.

Yvette made a note to herself to mention that Lily had previously requested a song for Jane on the show. The other listeners would like hearing about that, and it would fill up a bit of extra airtime on a slow night.

Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City?

I’m a thousand miles away, but girl

Tonight you look so pretty

Yes, you do

Times Square can’t shine as bright as you

I swear it’s true

Shane’s alarm went off at 7 AM in his hotel room in New York City. The Voyageurs had played the Brooklyn Scouts the night before and would play the New York Admirals the next night, so the team was staying in a Lower East Side hotel for the whole stay. The front office had picked the hotel because of its easy team bus access to both the Barclays Center and Madison Square Garden. (As easy as any bus access could be in NYC traffic, of course.) The team had a short practice in the afternoon but had been told they could enjoy the city during the rest of the day as long as they were back at the hotel by midnight and ready for morning skate the next day.

It was mid-November, but New York was warmer than Montreal. Shane decided he’d go for his morning run on the East River Greenway to enjoy the crisp fall morning air and the views of the Manhattan skyline. He threw on sweatpants and a hoodie, grabbed his phone, earbuds, water bottle, wallet and room key, laced up his Reeboks (Mom would be proud), and headed out into the still-dark morning.

As Shane went down the elevator, he found the recording of today’s episode of Lost Tracks with Yvette already downloaded onto his phone and put it on for the run. With fast-forwarding through ads and songs he didn’t care for, he often listened to the entire show during workouts and bus and plane rides. It reminded him of long drives with his parents to and from hockey practices and games. Yvette had been hosting the show since he was ten years old and her voice was always so warm and soothing. His teammates might not consider it the best workout music, preferring uninterrupted playlists of rap, hard rock, or metal, but Shane liked it.

Shane let the notes of a Coldplay song wash over him as he stretched and started his run north on the East River Greenway. On his left, he saw apartment buildings, and on the right, one of the bridges between Manhattan and Brooklyn, Shane had no idea which one.

As he ran, he thought about the season ahead. It was early days in the 2011–12 season still, but Montreal looked better than last year. They’d just missed the playoffs last season, while the Boston Bears had gotten a wild card spot, much to Shane’s chagrin. This year, Montreal looked like they’d be in contention for at least a wild card, maybe even one of the top three spots in the Atlantic Division. Shane had been named one of the alternate captains this season and he was feeling extra responsibility to make sure the team did well with him taking on the new role. A win over the Brooklyn Scouts last night was nice, but by now, almost expected. The game against the Admirals would be a much bigger test for the young Voyageurs team.

“That was ‘Fallin’ by Alicia Keys, by request from Jeanne-Marie,” Yvette’s voice came back once the song faded out. “This is Lost Tracks with Yvette on Radio Kingston, Ontario’s number one station for hits from the 80s, 90s, and today. Next up, we have a request from Lily. This one goes out to Jane. Jane, Lily wants to tell you happy hunting while you’re in New York City and she can’t wait to see you again soon. Now, I don’t know what kind of hunting Jane is doing in the Big Apple, but whatever it is, Jane, I hope it goes well. Lily wanted you to hear ‘Hey There Delilah’ by the Plain White Ts.”

The acoustic guitar kicked in with the opening notes to “Hey There Delilah” and Shane found himself wondering if he could run all the way to Times Square and back.

Well, he could, but Montreal’s athletic trainers and strength and conditioning coaches would probably get on his case about overtraining again. Better not to risk it. Maybe he could take the subway there once he finished his run.

Still, Shane found himself running just a bit faster to the song from “Lily.”

Maybe I’m a little bit over my head

I come undone at the things he said

He’s so funny in his bright red shirt

We were all in love and we all got hurt

I sneak into his car’s cracked leather seat

The smell of gasoline in the summer heat

Boy, we’re going way too fast

It’s all too sweet to last

Ilya settled into his seat for the morning flight from Montreal to Florida. The Bears might have lost the game against the Voyageurs, but the upcoming games in their southern road trip to Sunrise, Tampa, Nashville, and Carolina would be easier and he’d had some damn good sex with Shane to make up for it.

In Shane’s sex condo. That was a thing Shane owned now.

Ilya took a window seat and Marly plopped down in the aisle seat next to him, putting on a neck pillow and closing his eyes as soon as he was seated. It was barely 7 AM and Marly liked to sleep through flights, which made him an ideal seatmate as far as Ilya was concerned. Ilya didn’t often sleep on flights, but he appreciated getting some time to himself even if it came with Marly’s snoring.

Ilya threw on his noise-cancelling headphones and put on the radio show Shane had told him about a long time ago. He’d come to like it quite a bit and sent a couple of song requests in for Shane under his code name. Listening to Yvette hadalso been a good way to practice his English listening comprehension when he’d first moved to North America, since she spoke slowly and without a strong regional accent. (Most of the guys on the Boston Bears weren’t from Boston, but many of the staff members spoke with thick Boston accents Ilya found near incomprehensible. What did the city of Boston have against the letter R?) The song selection wasn’t exactly to his taste—Ilya liked hip-hop and fast beats while Yvette played softer songs —but he could always fast-forward through songs he didn’t like when he listened to the recording the next day.

The plane took off smoothly and Ilya relaxed in his seat, listening to Yvette’s radio show while he played games on his phone and ate the breakfast his team had brought onto the chartered plane. A couple of hours into the show, Yvette mentioned a name that made his ears perk up.

“Now I’ve got a request in from Jane, and this one came in just under the wire. I go on the air at midnight, and Jane sent me her email at 11:50 PM asking me to play a song for Lily. As a reminder to my listeners, you can request a song anytime of the day or night by emailing [email protected] or calling 555-983-8831 and leaving a voicemail. However, if you’re listening live and you have to hear something right now, the only way I’ll know is if you call 555-983-8831 and request it live on the air. I can’t check my email during the show, since I’m running the radio station and taking calls from all of you. If you email during the show, I’ll include your request in the next evening’s show.”

“Now, back to Jane’s request. Jane told me she just had a wonderful evening with Lily and that was why she was emailing so late. Jane said she and Lily are still getting to know each other through a long-distance relationship and sometimes it feels so good that it scares her, like this can’t possibly last.”

“I think a lot of my listeners know that feeling. When you can’t be with the person you love as much as you’d like, whether it’s because of long distance, because you work different hours, or for any other reason, it can be hard to sustain the magic of those moments you get together. But Jane, let me tell you something. Lily, if you’re listening, this is for you too. So many of my listeners have been in long-distance relationships or had to spend time apart from their loved ones and made it work. They tell me the secrets are to communicate well and to always do your best to make your partner feel loved even when you can’t be there. Whether it’s talking, sending them gifts, or doing something like sending them a song over the radio.”

“So the song Jane wanted to hear is one she says captures both the magical feeling she gets when she’s with Lily and the fear that it’s only temporary. This is ‘White Houses’ by Vanessa Carlton, which Jane wants to dedicate to Lily. Jane, it’s good to hear from you again and I’m rooting for you and Lily.”

Ilya smiled to himself as the piano began to play.

I’ve been a bad, bad girl

I’ve been careless with a delicate man

And it’s a sad, sad world

When a girl will break a boy just because she can

When Yvette took a bathroom break during the ads at the end of the 2 AM hour, she could hear the wind howling outside the studio. She was protected from the sound and cold in her soundproofed studio, but it was a frigid February night in Canada outside.

As she returned to her seat to kick off the 3 AM hour, she looked at the next song on her list and smiled. It had been a favorite song of hers since it came out in her early twenties.

“Welcome back to Lost Tracks with Yvette. It’s 3 AM and we’re going to start the hour with a favorite song of mine. First, though, I wanted to mention some of the great Canadian performances in this year’s Winter Olympics. Team Canada came in third in the medal count, with nine gold medals, eleven silver, and five bronze. I always love seeing the best athletes in the world give it their all and show the world just how talented they are, whether they’re Canadian or from all over the world. Doesn’t it just make you feel good to see it?”

“There was a new event at the Olympics this year, women’s ski slopestyle, and our very own Dara Howell won the first-ever gold medal in that event. We love hockey here in Canada, of course, and while our men’s team came up just short against Scott Hunter and the United States, we can still be so proud of their performance. Even better, our women’s hockey team pulled off a come-from-behind win over the U.S. that was incredible to watch. I’m sure many of you were shouting at your TVs or laptops while you watched. I know I was!”

“But I know you don’t listen to Lost Tracks for sports talk, so let’s get back to the music and dedications. We have a dedication from Lily to Jane. Lily asked for ‘Criminal’ by Fiona Apple. Lily tells me recently she was having a hard time and she lashed out at Jane without meaning to, she feels terrible about it, and she wanted to dedicate ‘Criminal’ to Jane since Lily hopes she, too, can be redeemed.”

“Lily, let me tell you a story about this song. This one came out right after I graduated from Queen’s University here in Kingston and moved to Toronto for a few years for my first job in radio. I got myself a boyfriend and we were together for a few months, but I was 22 years old and foolish. I’ll just say it didn’t last. One night a few weeks after he broke up with me, I drank way more Canadian Club whisky than anyone ever should. When I was on my way home from the bar, ‘Criminal’ came on the radio, and I started belting it out and crying. When I got back to my apartment, I called the boy I’d been dating, got his answering machine – it was probably 3 AM when I did this, like it is now – and sang the first verse and chorus of this to his answering machine before begging him to take me back. Unfortunately, that one didn’t work.”

“Lily, I think you’re going about this apology better than I did back in the day, so if nothing else, you can be proud of yourself for that. I hope this gesture helps you reconnect with Jane, but no matter what happens, I hope you can forgive yourself. And Jane, if you’re listening, I hope at least you can understand Lily a little better after hearing this. Let my story be a reminder to Lily, to Jane, to all of you listeners, that everyone makes mistakes. Once again, this is ‘Criminal’ by Fiona Apple.”

The opening piano notes of “Criminal” sounded out as Yvette muted her microphone and listened along. She thought about Sean, who’d worked a day job selling clothes at the Eaton Centre and played rhythm guitar in a band at night, hoping to make it big someday. His band never got a record deal, but they kept playing shows in the Greater Toronto Area for years, at least until she came back to Kingston. Probably for a while after.

She tried not to think about how Sean broke up with her after she’d drunkenly flirted with his band’s drummer at an afterparty. Or how “Criminal” had come on the radio while she’d been driving herself home after seven or eight Canadian Clubs on the rocks and probably a couple other shots.

As she'd said to Lily and Jane, everyone makes mistakes. Though not everyone was a criminal like her.

But I’m in so deep

You know I’m such a fool for you

You’ve got me wrapped around your finger (oh-oh-oh)

Do you have to let it linger?

Do you have to? Do you have to?

Do you have to let it linger?

“Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Lost Tracks with Yvette. It’s midnight here in Kingston and I hope you’re all getting through this early summer heat wave well. Tonight we’re going to kick things off with a request from Jane. Jane says she’s in a relationship she knows she should end, but she’s struggling to do so. The last time she saw her partner, she felt like they connected for the first time in a long time, but she left the encounter wishing for more and knowing her partner couldn’t give it to her. She wants to hear ‘Linger’ by The Cranberries.”

“Jane, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Sometimes people can’t always be what we need them to be. It’s important to remember it’s not your fault when that happens. Often, it’s because of things going on in their own lives that make it hard for them to be there for us in the way we need them to be. However, that doesn’t mean you have to just put up with it. You’re allowed to ask for more. And if this relationship isn’t working for you, you’re allowed to leave, to go find someone new who can give you the things you aren’t getting out of this relationship. Whatever you decide to do, I’m rooting for you and so are all of us Lost Tracks listeners.”

“Now, this song is a great pick by Jane. The Cranberries are a wonderful alternative rock band out of Ireland, and this song, ‘Linger,’ is the first one that became a really big hit worldwide. They eventually had an even bigger hit with ‘Zombie,’ but this is the one that started it all for them. ‘Linger’ came out in 1993, the year I started studying at Queen’s University here in Kingston and working at our campus radio station. This song was one of the favorites on our station, we’d play it multiple times a day. The Cranberries did their first big tour in North America during the fall and a bunch of my new friends from the radio station and I all piled in somebody’s car to drive to Montreal to go see their concert there. It was a magical night.”

“Without further ado, here’s ‘Linger’ by The Cranberries for Jane.”

Yvette muted her microphone and fondly recalled that night in Montreal. Her friends from Queen’s were mostly from Ontario and less familiar with Montreal’s music scene, so she’d shown them around the rock clubs and bars with pleasure. She’d frequented them even before university.

Growing up in Longueuil, most weekends Yvette had slipped out of the house and taken the Metro and her fake ID to Mile End, the artsy neighborhood before they built the Quartier des spectacles years after she’d left (and as far as Yvette was concerned, still the best neighborhood to see shows).

At first, Yvette had just gone with people she knew from high school so she’d have something to do instead of listening to her parents get drunk and argue with each other, but she found she loved live music. Singing and dancing with the crowd, soaking in the music and atmosphere, was a kind of joy she didn’t have anywhere else in her life. She did well in school, but it bored her to tears most days and she had trouble keeping friends. She’d stopped inviting people over in middle school, when she realized it wasn’t normal for parents to be drunk already when they got home from work and it weirded out people she invited over. And then eventually other people got sick of always having to be the ones to host. Live shows were a space where she could forget all that for a couple of hours and lose herself in the music.

Thinking of her parents reminded Yvette of what she’d told Jane. Yvette’s parents had never been who she needed them to be. Always drunk, always arguing. Yvette knew on some level they couldn’t help it, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. She’d tried to convince them to get sober when she had, but they refused to even entertain the notion that they had problems. Eventually she’d given up on talking to them at all.

At least she wasn’t the only one who avoided her parents. Catherine, her older sister, had followed her high school boyfriend Michel all the way to the Athabasca oil sands when he’d taken a job there after he graduated. When Michel left Catherine for another woman, instead of going home to Montreal and their parents, Catherine just went even further west to Vancouver with her then-toddler son Nicolas. She’d remarried and had twins sixteen years after Nick. Catherine had avoided Yvette too when Yvette had been drinking, but they’d patched things up a bit after Yvette got sober.

Yvette wondered if Lily was the person Jane was talking about. It seemed likely after Lily’s last dedication a few months ago. Lily knowing she’d done something wrong was an improvement over Yvette’s parents, at least, but Yvette knew that wasn’t enough. Far from it, sometimes.

Yvette was so caught up in her thoughts that she almost forgot to unmute her microphone when 'Linger' ended and she had to go back on the air.

You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it

I thank you all

But it’s been no bed of roses

No pleasure cruise

I consider it a challenge before the whole human race

And I ain’t gonna lose

The next June, the weather wasn’t nearly as warm, but there was excitement in the air when Yvette went to visit relatives just outside of Montreal. Her aunt and uncle hosted a cookout over the weekend and she made the drive, albeit showing up later than her relatives would perhaps have liked due to both her overnight schedule and the nearly three-hour drive from Kingston.

Yvette’s parents were there, but she politely avoided them as much as she could. Her Uncle Gilles, her father’s brother, wasn’t as big a drinker as her father and she got along well with him, his wife Denise, and their kids. Plus, Yvette’s older sister Catherine had flown in from Vancouver with her husband and kids. Yvette was perfectly content not having any children of her own, but playing with Catherine’s four-year-old twins Chloe and Emma was a perfectly pleasant way to spend the cookout, away from the adults’ bar.

When the evening got dark, Gilles turned off the grill and gathered the family in the den, where he turned Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals on. “This is our year,” he declared. "Hollander’s gonna bring it home for the Voyageurs.”

Yvette wasn’t as obsessive a hockey fan as most people born in the Montreal area, but she watched sometimes and liked it. Despite spending her entire adult life in Ontario, she’d remained a Voyageurs fan. However, she’d learned during her young adult years in Toronto that it was best not to wear Voyageurs blue out in public there, lest one get heckled at the bar.

“Still can’t believe Rozanov got a Cup first,” Yvette’s father Jean-Guy grumbled. “Fucking Russians coming in and trying to take over the league. Stay in your own damn country. Leave hockey to the real Canadians.”

“Easy, honey,” Yvette’s mother Monique said, her voice slurred. “Let’s not fight at Gilles and Denise’s house.”

“No one’s fighting. I’m just saying. Send Rozanov’s selfish womanizing ass back to Russia.”

“Dad, please cool it with the swears,” Catherine said. “My kids are right here.”

Yvette sighed to herself and turned her attention back to the television, watching as Shane Hollander took the faceoff against the Chicago Firefighters center.

Several days later, Yvette was back in the studio the night after Montreal’s Game 5 win against Chicago to clinch the Stanley Cup. While sports was rarely a major focus of her show and most of her listeners were Toronto Guardians fans (with some Ottawa Centaurs fans, people up north who were apparently willing to root for a truly terrible team), she couldn’t resist using a perfect dedication to bring it up.

“That was ‘Fire and Rain’ by James Taylor for Evelyn. Evelyn, thank you again for calling in and I hope you have a wonderful night. Next up, we have a dedication from Lily to Jane. Lily emailed me this morning and told me Jane recently achieved something she’s been dreaming of for a long time and asked me if I could play ‘We Are The Champions’ by Queen to celebrate Jane’s achievement. Congratulations, Jane! I would love to play ‘We Are The Champions’ for you.”

“Freddie Mercury, lead singer of Queen, originally wrote this song about soccer – though since Freddie was born in Zanzibar and lived in India and the UK, he called it football. However, here in Canada, every song about sports is a hockey song to us. I know many of my listeners are fans of the Toronto Guardians or Ottawa Centaurs, but I was born and raised in Quebec. My name isn’t Yvette LeClaire by accident! I’ve been a Montreal Voyageurs fan since I was a little kid, and this past weekend, I got to watch Game 3 with my extended family back home in Montreal. This is the first time a Canadian team has won the Cup since 1998 and I’m very proud and excited. Congratulations to the Montreal Voyageurs and congratulations to Jane. Jane, I hope you enjoy ‘We Are The Champions’ by Queen.”

We’re looking up at the same night sky

And keep pretending the sun will not rise

We’ll be together for one more night

Somewhere, somehow

“Welcome back to Lost Tracks with Yvette. It’s 1:30 AM here in Kingston and I want to thank you for spending your night with us. No matter why it is you’re listening to the radio now – if you work nights, if you’re staying up late studying, if you just can’t sleep – we’re glad to have you with us. And if you’re listening to the recording during the day, I’m glad to have you too.”

“Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and as always, I’ll be here from 12 AM to 5 AM playing all of your requests. If you’d like me to play a song for a special someone on Valentine’s Day, you can email me at [email protected] or call 555-983-8831 outside of my usual radio hours and leave a voicemail. Those time slots can fill up fast, so don’t wait until the last minute if you’d like to request a Valentine’s Day song!”

“Next up, we have a request from Jane to Lily. Jane asked if we could play ‘Ocean Avenue’ by Yellowcard for Lily. Jane tells me she just got to see Lily for the first time in about six weeks – they’re long distance and the last time they could see each other was around the New Year. Jane wants Lily to know she really enjoyed their time together and is always wishing they could have more whenever she gets to see Lily, so Jane wants to play one of her favorite songs from her high school days. Lily, ‘Ocean Avenue’ by Yellowcard is for you tonight.”

Yvette smiled to herself. After the difficulty they’d had in early 2014, it was nice to see Lily and Jane getting along so well and dedicating songs to each other, even if the distance was hard.

She's not a saint and she's not what you think

She's an actress, whoa

She's better known for the things that she does

On the mattress, whoa

Soon, she's gonna find stealing other people's toys

On the playground won't make you many friends

She should keep in mind, she should keep in mind

There is nothing I do better than revenge

“Stubbed my toe,” Ilya hissed as he left the weight room. He knew his trainer wanted him to do a little longer on the stationary bike, but he couldn’t work out under these conditions. Not with Shane Hollander and Rose Landry on the TV. Not with Rose Landry’s stupid giant fake smile.

Game tape. That would be a good distraction. Almost no one could fault him for spending some extra time with game tape to prepare for the Houston Drillers game tomorrow, and it was the one place where none of the stupid fucking Bears could play any gossip shows about the perfect fucking couple Shane Hollander and Rose Landry and how much all the idiots in Internet comments thought they were just so cute together.

Ilya went into the game tape room, where the head video coach Matt was already reviewing Drillers footage. “Hey there Ilya, you’re early for game tape review today,” Matt said.

Ilya shrugged. “Putting in a little extra time.”

“That’s the spirit. Anything in particular you’re looking for?”

“I want to see the Drillers’ first-line center.” Ilya couldn’t even remember the center’s name, but it’d be useful.

“Nadeau? You got it. I have a few clips queued up for the team video review at Coach LeClaire’s request, so I’ll save those for later, but I’ll show you a couple others that might be useful.”

Matt pulled up clips of Nadeau’s recent game against Calgary and Ilya watched, the game tape proving to be a welcome distraction. Ilya noted how the young center moved with the puck. Nadeau tended to favor going slightly to the right, so Ilya would have to block that lane first. He was quick but could be sloppy with the puck.

The team started filing in for the scheduled review. Coach LeClaire was in first. “Hey there, Roz,” he greeted his star player. “Doing some extra review?”

“Yes, Coach. Matt had a couple extra clips of Nadeau for me.”

“That’s what I like to see.”

“Roz, you take the stick out of your ass yet?” Marly chirped as he walked in. Connors snorted behind him.

“Nah. I will once you shave that monstrosity you call a beard.” His teammates snickered.

As the latecomers filed in, Ilya pulled out his phone, switched Gmail accounts, and sent a quick email.

Hi Yvette, this is Lily. I don’t have a dedication for this song like usual, but I do have a request. Could you please play 'Better Than Revenge' by Taylor Swift for me tonight? Thank you so much.

Mission accomplished, Ilya turned his attention to LeClaire’s review of Houston Drillers footage and tried to keep his bad mood away from his teammates. It was easier without Shane and Rose every-fucking-where.

But then over team dinner, Hammersmith showed the group yet another picture of Shane and Rose spotted together at a restaurant in Montreal, and Ilya really had no choice but to find a bar as soon as he left the Bears practice facility and do a bunch of shots of vodka about it. Svetlana came to meet him at the bar, but she was side-eyeing him the entire night, especially when he batted away a blonde woman with a smile just a little too wide and familiar.

When she shoved him into a cab sometime around midnight and sent him home, he noticed a new email on his phone.

Hi Lily, it’s good to hear from you again. It sounds like you’re having a tough time and I’m very sorry to hear that. I’d be glad to play 'Better Than Revenge' for you tonight. Listen for it between 2 and 3 AM, though as you know I can’t guarantee exact times. I hope things get better for you soon.

When Ilya entered his house, he poured himself another shot of vodka, grabbed a bottle of Gatorade to chase it with to hopefully stave off the hangover, and opened Radio Kingston’s website so he could listen to the livestream of Lost Tracks with Yvette. One of the great things about Yvette was that she didn’t care much for celebrity gossip, preferring to share stories from her listeners about real people.

Oh, you don’t mean nothing at all to me

No, you don’t mean nothing at all to me

But you got what it takes to set me free

Oh, you could mean everything to me

“Once again, that was ‘Say It Right’ by Canada’s own Nelly Furtado, dedicated to Jane from Lily. Lily told me she and Jane went through a difficult time recently, but they’ve reconnected and they’re both trying to be more honest with each other about how they feel and how important they are to each other. Lily, Jane, I’m proud of both of you. I hope you both enjoyed the song and you have a wonderful day.”

“Lost Tracks listeners, it’s time for me to head home. Radio Kingston is going to take a short break. I hope you’ll stick around for The Morning Blend with Mark and Nicole when we get back. As always, I’ve had a wonderful night hearing your stories and sharing favorite songs with you. Whatever’s going on in your life, and whatever song you want to hear, I’m always here to listen at Lost Tracks with Yvette, Monday through Friday from 12 AM to 5 AM. Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful day.”

As Yvette muted her microphone and the station ads began playing, the morning hosts Mark and Nicole came into the studio. “Good morning, Yvette! Jane and Lily again?” Nicole asked.

“Yup. A bit happier than last time, anyway.”

“Any fun plans for the morning, Yvette?”

“Not much excitement to be had at 5 AM, other than your show. I’m gonna grab breakfast and then go to the gym for the early bird workout class, then head to bed.”

“I don’t know how you do the overnights,” Mark chimed in.

“Lots of experience. You two have a good show.”

Yvette left the two morning hosts to their show prep, returning to the office to complete her show log and go through any email requests that arrived overnight. She didn’t linger for very long after her shift, preferring to do as much prep work as she could when she was still fresh when she arrived at the studio. However, she was required to complete a show log to confirm what songs had played and inform the engineers and producers of any technical issues, and that simply couldn’t be done until after her show.

She poured herself some fresh coffee in her to-go mug. Mark and Nicole might be far too energetic for her tastes at 5 AM, but it made them good morning hosts, and they stayed in her good graces by always making a fresh pot of coffee before they started their morning. (They probably needed it. Morning hosts were expected to energize their listeners; Yvette much preferred the “soothing listener” persona she’d crafted for her overnight audience over the years.) She completed her tasks as quickly as she could, noting that “Mike the plow guy” had sent her an email saying it was supposed to snow overnight tomorrow and he’d like to hear 'Smoke on the Water' by Deep Purple while he was out plowing. Mike was a plow truck driver during the winters and his requests tended to be a bit more classic rock than the station usually played, but Yvette thought he had good taste and playing one of his songs always made for a good segue into a weather update, so she ignored any station executive complaints and played whatever he asked.

Tasks completed for the day, Yvette left the station a little before 5:30 AM and waved goodbye to Mark and Nicole, who were in the midst of an animated conversation about local Kingston news stories. They waved back without missing a beat in their show.

Yvette had a routine she liked to stick to when she left work. After the chaos of her early life, the dependability soothed her and made it easier for her to get some rest when she got home. First, she’d stop by Mo’s Diner for breakfast. The morning waitresses there knew her name and order on sight. Next, the early-bird workout class she’d mentioned to Nicole started at 6:30 AM. The physical activity was good for her. It was hard to socialize with her schedule, but the little old ladies who also frequented the class knew her well and one of them, Marie, would listen to her show when she woke up at 2 or 3 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep. Most of the old women were in far better shape than she was. Once the workout class was done, she’d attend a morning AA meeting. In May, she’d have 16 years sober. Finally, once the meeting had ended and she’d chatted with her fellow attendees for a bit after, she’d head home, draw the blackout curtains, and get some sleep.

How do you say “I miss you” to an answering machine?

How do you say “goodnight” to an answering machine?

How do you say “I'm lonely” to an answering machine?

“Welcome back, Radio Kingston listeners. This is Lost Tracks with Yvette, and we’re going to kick off the 1 AM hour with an email request from Jane to Lily. Jane, it’s good to hear from you again.”

“Jane tells me she and Lily are back together and things have been going well, but the past couple of days Lily’s been calling out of work sick and hasn’t been able to take Jane’s calls, and Jane is worried about Lily. Now, Jane wasn’t sure exactly what song she should play for Lily, so she asked if I could suggest something. Lost Tracks listeners, if you want to send a message to someone but don’t know what song would fit, you just tell me what’s going on in your life and I’ll pick out something nice for you.”

“In this case, Jane tells me she’s tried to call Lily a few times and gotten her voicemail message, and Lily’s voicemail message is ‘Hello, this is Lily, I will never listen to your voicemail’ and Jane thought it was hilarious the first time she heard it, but now she’s starting to hate it. That made me think of something. The kids listening at home might not know this, but before there were cell phones, back when I was a kid, we had answering machines attached to our landlines. If you called someone and they weren’t home, you’d get their answering machine and leave a message, and they’d play the recording when they got back home.”

“So one of my favorite bands growing up was an 80s rock band called The Replacements. I used to play them all the time when I hosted a campus radio show at Queen’s University. The lead singer and guitarist, Paul Westerberg, he was interested in a woman from Ann Arbor, Michigan, and he and his band are from Minneapolis, Minnesota. He would often call this woman and get her answering machine, and he said in an interview he’s not a modern person and technology irritated him. So he wrote a song about it, ‘Answering Machine.’ When The Replacements played this live after it was released, at the end of the song, he would often shout area codes. He’d always include the area code for Ann Arbor where this woman lived, but sometimes he’d also include different area codes, like 212, the area code for New York City. This is a little different from our usual fare on Lost Tracks with Yvette, but for this situation, I think it’s perfect. I hope you all enjoy the song as much as I do.”

“Jane, thank you for writing in, and I’m thinking about you and Lily. Lily, if you’re able to listen tonight, I hope everything’s okay, you get better soon, and you and Jane can reconnect. This is ‘Answering Machine’ by The Replacements.”

Yvette pressed play on the track and muted her microphone with a deep sigh. She knew all too well the feeling of trying to reach someone and never hearing back.

You may need me there to carry all your weight

But you’re no burden, I assure

You tide me over with a warmth I’ll not forget

But I can only give you love

Only 15 minutes before Yvette was due to go on the air, a new email came in.

Hi Yvette, this is Lily, I hope I got this to you in time for you to see it before you go on the air. My Jane got sick tonight and had to go to the hospital, and right now I can’t be with her and haven’t heard anything about how serious it is. I’m so worried about her. I don’t know what I want to hear right now, but I remember you picked out a good song for my Jane when I had to go away. Do you think you could do the same for me tonight?

Yvette immediately began typing.

Lily, of course I can pick a song for you. I’m going to play it as soon as I can in my setlist, so if you hear from Jane, you can talk to her or go be with her and not miss the song. I’m going to play 'Ever the Same' by Rob Thomas for you and Jane and I’ll explain why on the air. I hope Jane’s okay and recovers quickly! If you don’t mind my asking, what happened last month that had Jane so worried about you, and are you all right now?

Yvette added the song to her setlist. Right before she was about to walk into the studio and set herself up during the ad break between Gary’s show and hers, a new email came in.

Thank you so much, Yvette. I don’t mind you asking about last month at all. My father died, I had to return to my home country for his funeral, and with the time difference and everything I had to handle with my family it took me a couple of days before I could call Jane and tell her what happened. I’m okay now, but leaning on Jane during that time made us closer and now I’m so scared for her. Thank you again. I’ll be listening.

Yvette went on the air and took a call from a listener with a request. Once that song ended, there were no new calls, so she queued up “Ever the Same” and began to speak.

“Next up, we have a dedication from Lily to Jane. Lily tells me Jane had to go to the hospital earlier tonight and hasn’t been able to get in touch with Lily, and Lily isn’t sure how serious it is and she’s worried about Jane. Lily asked if I could pick out something for her and Jane tonight. Lily, I’m so sorry to hear Jane is in the hospital, and I’m certainly going to keep her in my thoughts and hope she has a speedy recovery. I think all of us Lost Tracks listeners will do the same.”

“Lily, I’m going to play ‘Ever The Same’ by Rob Thomas for you. Rob Thomas, the former Matchbox Twenty frontman, wrote this song for his wife Marisol Maldonado on his first solo album. At the time, Marisol had an autoimmune disorder her doctors couldn’t diagnose and she was so frustrated and tired that she tried to put distance between herself and Rob because she was afraid she’d bring him down. One night, she was so exhausted and in so much pain that she cried herself to sleep in his arms, and Rob wrote the song for her that very night.”

“Lily, from your dedication tonight and Jane’s last month, it sounds like both of you have been through some difficult times recently. I hope you can let each other in when times get tough and lean on each other to get through. Sometimes the hardest part of a relationship is being vulnerable enough to let the person you love see you at your worst, but the right person is going to want to be there for you through it all and make it easier however they can. Lily, Jane, I’ll be thinking of you both. This is ‘Ever the Same’ by Rob Thomas.”

Come away with me and we’ll kiss

On a mountaintop

Come away with me

And I’ll never stop loving you

“That was ‘Photograph’ by Ed Sheeran, dedicated from Heather to Scott while he’s away on his long-haul trucking route. Heather, it’s always good to hear from you. Scott, I hope you’re driving safely on your journey tonight, and remember your wife Heather loves you. I hope you get home in time for Victoria Day!”

“Listeners, I hope all of you have something planned to celebrate Victoria Day. Us night owls always get to see the best fireworks, of course, and I hope you also get to go to a cookout with your family and friends. Maybe catch a parade if you have one nearby. And of course, this is the holiday that brings us the start of summer and beautiful weather.”

“Speaking of summer, next up, I have a dedication from Jane to Lily. Jane says she invited Lily to her cottage for a summer vacation a month ago when Lily visited her in the hospital, but Lily might have to go back to her home country this summer instead of joining Jane at the cottage. Jane really hopes Lily can come to the cottage with her and wants to dedicate ‘Come Away With Me’ by Norah Jones to Lily.”

“Jane and Lily have told me they’re long-distance, and it can be so hard to get time with your partner when you’re in a long-distance relationship. Lily, I know your family and friends back home are important, but I hope you’re able to make time for Jane this summer, whether that’s going to her cottage or finding another way to see her. ‘Come Away With Me’ is for you tonight.”

Yvette started playing the track and made a note to herself to use the line “I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof” to segue into a weather update.

I knew it when I met him

I loved him when I left him

Got me feelin' like ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

And then I had to tell him, I had to go

Oh-na-na-na-na-na

During an ad break, Yvette sipped her coffee and waved at Luisa, the custodian, who came in around 2 AM to clean the office. Luisa would clean the rest of the office while Yvette was on the air, then clean the broadcasting studio as quickly as she could during the extra-long ad break before 2:30 AM, when Yvette would have a snack. Fortunately, Luisa had been cleaning Radio Kingston offices for years and knew exactly how to clean in a hurry.

As Luisa headed back toward the bathrooms, Yvette unmuted her microphone. “Welcome back to Lost Tracks with Yvette on Radio Kingston. I hope you all had a wonderful Labour Day weekend and got to spend some time with your loved ones.”

“The next song I’m going to play for you is a brand-new release from Camila Cabello, formerly a member of Fifth Harmony, on her first solo record. We got a request for this one from Lily, who wants to dedicate it to Jane. Lily tells me she spent two weeks at Jane’s cottage this summer and it was an incredible experience, but after she left, she’s missed Jane every day and can’t stop thinking about the next time they’ll be able to see each other.”

“Lily, I’m sure Jane is missing you as much as you’re missing her, but I’m so glad you got to spend some time together this summer. And you’ve picked an excellent song to dedicate to Jane, I first heard it a couple of days ago and haven’t been able to get it out of my head since! This is ‘Havana’ by Camila Cabello, dedicated to Jane from Lily.”

I want to cuddle up and cozy down with you

Wrap myself around you and do what lovers do

Ah, the snow is falling, passion's calling

A glass of wine or two

I want a cuddle up, cozy down Christmas with you

“Hey, Gary,” Yvette greeted the evening host as he pressed play on the sequence of ads that would play during his break. “How’s your night been?”

“Not bad at all. Dana’s niece Molly brought over some peanut butter cookies before work, I saved you a few in the break room, and call volume’s been steady but not crazy. Corporate’s on our ass about Christmas music, though.”

“Fucking already? We’ve got two and a half weeks.”

“There’s an email waiting for you.”

“I should tell them they can get their Christmas music when the DJs get our COLAs for 2018. Can you believe that shit, no COLAs at all?”

Gary snorted. “They’d fire your ass and replace you with some syndicated show from Toronto.”

“They’re probably gonna do that anyway before too long. You hear they’re cutting the overnight DJs at their London and Peterborough stations?”

“Whole damn industry’s going that way. Nothing but syndicated crap unless you’re in a big city. I’d be looking for Toronto jobs if Dana wouldn’t throw my shit in the street if I tried to make her move. You ever think of going back?”

I would, but the only people I knew there were my fellow alcoholics I hung out at bars with. “I’m too old for that. Got my routine here, and it’s closer to my family in Quebec.”

“You know, if they’re slashing the other overnight DJs, they should air your show on those stations instead. It’s good shit, Yvette.”

“Thanks, Gary. You think they’d pay me any extra if they did?”

“Not a chance, sister,” Gary snickered. “Alright, ad time’s almost up.”

“Tell Molly I said thank you for the cookies.”

Yvette went to the break room, got two peanut butter cookies, and took them to her desk to go through her voicemails and emails. As Gary had promised, the email from a manager at the corporate media conglomerate was waiting for her.

Hello BoomerMedia DJs! Just a friendly reminder, we need to ramp up our Christmas music inclusions this week. From now until December 15, our target is between 25% and 50% Christmas music, and we want to increase the amount of Christmas music we’re playing daily. Starting the 16th, 50% is the minimum, up to 75%, and on December 22 we switch over to 100% Christmas music until after Boxing Day. Listeners really want to hear Christmas music this time of year. Making sure we’re hitting our targets is key for bringing in casual and new listeners!

Yvette rolled her eyes. None of the executives working 9-to-5 hours in their corporate offices had any idea what overnight listeners wanted. No one was casually flipping through radio stations at 3:30 AM. Her listeners worked over Christmas. Her listeners didn’t all have families to go home to at Christmas. Her listeners wanted to hear stories and request songs that meant something to them, not songs written to sell toys.

Plus, Yvette hated Christmas music. She worked retail from the moment the province of Quebec would legally let someone hire her until she left for Queen’s, and she still went back to the store over summers and holidays. It was perfect for both earning money to go to shows and getting out of her parents’ house. But that repetitive Christmas music playlist the store had on from mid-November to Boxing Day drove her up a wall. Over 20 years since she’d worked her last retail shift, she still hated it.

Next up was an email from Jane.

Hi Yvette, it’s Jane. My girlfriend Lily is coming to my family Christmas in a couple weeks and I’m so excited, it’s the first time we’ve gotten to spend Christmas together. We haven’t seen each other in a month and I miss her so much! If I could, I’d like to dedicate 'Cuddle Up, Cozy Down Christmas' by Dolly Parton and Michael Bublé to Lily. Thank you!

Well, at least corporate’s order would make one of her listeners happy and the song in question was new enough that Yvette hadn't come to hate this specific song while selling jeans. Plus, she could work in some fun facts about Dolly Parton and the song, her listeners would enjoy that and it would fill airtime. She'd tell them how Dolly originally wrote the song about cuddling with her nieces and nephews before deciding to make it a more romantic song. She could talk about Dolly Parton's Imagination Library giving over 100 million free books to children and her many donations for medical research and medical centers in the rural East Tennessee area where she grew up.

Jane, I would be delighted to play 'Cuddle Up, Cozy Down Christmas' for Lily on your behalf tonight. Listen for it between 2 and 3 AM. Merry Christmas and have a wonderful time with Lily!

As Yvette returned to her email, she tried to remember if Jane and Lily had ever referred to each other as girlfriends before but was quickly distracted by the next request.

Estamos bien (We’re good)

Sobran los billetes de cien (There’s plenty of hundred-dollar bills)

No hay nada mal, estamos bien, 'tá to' bien, ey (Nothing’s wrong, we’re good, everything’s good, hey)

To’ los mío’ están bien, ‘tamos bien, ey (All my people are good, we’re good, hey)

“That was ‘Can’t Feel My Face’ by The Weeknd, one of our favorite Canadian artists. Next up, we’re going from Canada to Puerto Rico to hear the latest from Bad Bunny, ‘Estamos Bien.’ Bad Bunny originally wrote this song after he became overwhelmed with his sudden rise to fame and took a break from social media – which I think is a great idea for everyone, no matter what’s going on in your life. Some of his fans were concerned about him, so when he came back, he came back with this song. He’s telling us, his fans, ‘we’re good.’”

“But this song is taking on more meaning. Bad Bunny recently dedicated a performance of this song on TV to the victims of Hurricane Maria, which caused devastation on his home island of Puerto Rico last year and killed three thousand people. He used the performance to criticize the American president Donald Trump for not doing enough to respond to the hurricane and help Puerto Rico recover. Yet at the end of his performance, he also sent a message of hope to the people of Puerto Rico, and please forgive my terrible Spanish accent since I grew up in Quebec and only speak French and English: ‘Estamos bien y vamos a estar mejor, Puerto Rico!’ In English, that means ‘We’re good and we’ll be better, Puerto Rico!’”

“Now, Lily requested this song and wants to dedicate it to her girlfriend Jane. She says she’s become a big fan of Bad Bunny recently and she also moved much closer to Jane this summer. Previously, they lived hours apart, had to fly to each other, could only see each other a few times a year because of their work schedules. Now they’re only a two-hour drive away from each other and can see each other at least every couple of weeks. Lily feels like after all the struggles they’ve gone through as a long-distance couple, things are going to get so much better for them both by being closer together. Lily, Jane, I’m so happy for you both, and I hope you can close that gap even further in the future. Jane, here’s ‘Estamos Bien’ by Bad Bunny, just for you from Lily.”

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark, cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You’re in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

Yvette was going through her email on a November evening when she saw a new request from Jane, one of her favorite regulars.

Hi Yvette, it’s Jane again. I’d like to request a song for my girlfriend Lily. Lily lost her mother when she was only 12 and it was so tough on her, especially since she didn’t have a great relationship with the rest of her family. Recently she’s been going through some things that have dredged up memories of her mom. Lily’s being so brave and I’m so proud of her, but I know it’s hard on her and I’d like to play her a song that might bring her some comfort. Could you play 'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan for Lily tonight? Thank you so much.

Yvette smiled at the request. Before she began typing, she remembered a story about the song.

Jane, I would love to play 'Angel' for Lily. Thank you for writing in. I’ve penciled it in for the 1 AM to 2 AM hour. I’m so sorry for Lily’s loss and I’m glad she has you there for her as she’s reliving some painful memories. There’s a story about this song you may not know, but can read about here: Link. Would it be okay if I spoke about this story alongside your request? You can absolutely say no, just let me know either way. Have a good evening, Jane.

Yvette waited a few minutes, but didn’t hear back from Jane, so she returned to preparing her show and assumed she should leave the story out and stick to Jane’s dedication. However, around 11:30, an email came in.

Hi Yvette, sorry to be slow getting back to you (late night at work) and thank you so much. That story would be perfect to share alongside the dedication to Lily. Lily’s mother died by suicide – Lily tends to keep that private, so please don’t mention that part on the air, but I think it would make her feel better to hear the story as well as the song. Thanks again!

Yvette adjusted her plan for the evening’s show accordingly.

A little after 1:30 AM, she began to speak.

“That was ‘You Raise Me Up’ by Celtic Woman for Paige, who’s studying hard for her university exams in a few weeks. Paige, you’re going to do great on your exams, and all of us Lost Tracks listeners are rooting for you. Make sure you get some rest alongside all your studying and hard work. Next up, we have a request from Jane for her girlfriend Lily.”

“Jane wants to hear ‘Angel’ by Sarah McLachlan, a wonderful Canadian artist and one of the founders of the late 1990s women’s music festival Lilith Fair. I was lucky enough to see Lilith Fair all three years in Toronto, which was just a wonderful experience, but I have a different story about this song I’d like to share with you tonight before I read Jane’s dedication to Lily.”

“Many of you will know the 1980s and 1990s hip-hop group Run-DMC. One of the members of the group, Darryl McDaniels – better known as DMC – once wrote about a period of his life when he was struggling with depression and considering suicide. During a two-week tour in Japan, he was losing his voice, making him worry about his future in music, and he and the other members of Run-DMC were arguing. This was when ‘Angel’ was a big hit, and he wrote about how whenever he heard ‘Angel’ on the radio, it would bring him back from the brink.”

“DMC returned home from that tour safely, and with the strength he got from this song, he began researching and writing his autobiography. While talking to his mother, she revealed that he was adopted, and that was when things began to get better for him. He found his birth mother and thanked her for giving him up for adoption, because it put him in the right place to found Run-DMC. He became an advocate for adopted children and children in foster care, and he’s said he felt like he found his purpose. ‘Angel’ didn’t change everything for him overnight, but it gave him what he needed to keep going through his darkest moments. DMC eventually got to thank Sarah McLachlan for recording the song. They recorded a song together several years later about adoption and foster care, and Sarah told him she was also adopted. That kind of connection, that understanding, is what I love most about music.”

“Back to our listener dedication. Jane wrote in asking me to play ‘Angel’ for Lily, since Lily has recently had to relive some painful memories around losing her mother when she was far too young. Jane says Lily’s being so brave and Jane is proud of her, but she knows it’s still hard and she wants to play something that will bring Lily comfort. Lily, I’m thinking about you tonight. I’m so sorry you lost your mother so young, but I’m glad Jane is looking out for you. I’m sure that if your mom were with us, she’d be glad you have Jane too. This is ‘Angel’ by Sarah McLachlan.”

Well, we know I’m going away

And how I wish, I wish it weren’t so

So take this wine and drink with me

Let’s delay our misery

“It’s a cold and clear night tonight in the greater Kingston area, with lows of negative 14 but no snow or rain in the forecast for the next three days. During the day, it’ll be partly cloudy with a high of 3 degrees before dropping back to negative 1 tomorrow night. Traffic is light in the area, with no delays on the 401 or Bath Road. An accident on Princess Street westbound near Strathcona Park is causing delays of up to 10 minutes westbound and 5 minutes eastbound.”

“Now, back to the music! Next up, we’ve got a dedication from Lily to Jane. Lily says that tonight she’ll get to spend time with Jane, but both she and Jane will be traveling for work over the next few weeks and it’ll be about two weeks before Lily can see Jane again. When they do, it’ll only be for one night before Lily has to go on the road again. Lily wants to hear ‘Save Tonight’ by Eagle-Eye Cherry. Great pick, Lily. Eagle-Eye Cherry ended up being a one-hit wonder, but this is such a catchy tune. It was everywhere on radio in the late 1990s, when I got my start on a Toronto top 40 station as a weekend afternoon DJ. We played this one all the time.”

“Jane, I hope you and Lily can make the most of the night you’re going to get together. I also hope once these next few weeks are up, you’ll be able to spend more time together. In the meantime, here’s ‘Save Tonight’ by Eagle-Eye Cherry.”

Helping the kids out of their coats

But wait, the babies haven’t been born, oh

Unpacking the bags and setting up

Planting lilacs and buttercups, oh

Yvette took a large sip of ice water and wiped the sweat off her brow as 'Breathe' by Faith Hill, the song that widower Tom requested in honour of his late wife Carol once a week, played on the station. It was an early August heat wave in Kingston. The rest of Radio Kingston’s offices were well air-conditioned, and there was some air conditioning in the studio, but having the AC on too high in the studio would make noise that would be picked up by the microphones.

“Thank you for spending your night here with us at Radio Kingston. This is Lost Tracks with Yvette, and you just heard ‘Breathe’ by Faith Hill, which Tom asked me to play to honour the memory of his wife Carol, who passed away in February 2011.”

“Next up, we have a dedication from Jane to Lily. Jane asked me to play a song by Canada’s own Feist, from her breakout album Let It Die back in 2004. Feist won two Juno Awards for this album, Best New Artist and Best Alternative Album, and Jane requested ‘Mushaboom,’ which is named for the small town of Mushaboom, Nova Scotia. Feist has said the song was inspired by driving through the beautiful area and seeing a small house up for sale.”

“Jane tells me she’s spent the last two weeks with Lily doing some volunteer work and gotten to see Lily around kids. Jane tells me one of the things that surprises people about Lily is, even though her sense of humor can be a bit risqué among adults, she’s great with kids. Jane says she and Lily won’t be able to have kids together for several years, but seeing Lily having a wonderful time with kids made her think about the future she’d like to have with Lily and strengthened her desire to have children with Lily someday.”

“Jane, I don’t have any kids of my own, but I have a nephew and two nieces, and they are the lights of my life even though they live far away. Every time I get to see them, I’m filled with such joy. I’m so glad you and Lily had a similar experience, and I hope that you’re able to have kids together when you’re ready and you both love parenthood. Also, I think it’s just wonderful that the two of you are doing volunteer work together. Lily, Jane, here’s Feist’s ‘Mushaboom.”

As the song played, Yvette muted her microphone, pulled out her phone, and looked at the most recent photos her sister Catherine had sent of her nieces Chloe and Emma, who were turning 9 in September. After that, she looked at her text thread with her nephew Nick, Catherine’s 24-year-old son from her first marriage, who had sent photos of a camping weekend he’d gone on with his friends. She wished they lived closer than Vancouver.

My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue

All’s well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover

“Good morning, Lost Tracks listeners. It’s 4:15 AM and I know many of you early risers are just starting your days. I’ve got Taylor Swift’s newest hit song ‘Lover’ ready to play for you and I have a great dedication for this one.”

“Some of you might have heard the names Lily and Jane on my show before. They’ve been dedicating songs to each other on Lost Tracks for years while making a long-distance relationship work, and many of their dedications have been truly heartfelt. This one is a little lighter, but no less wonderful. Lily tells me English is not her first language and when she first met Jane’s parents, she referred to herself and Jane as lovers, and Jane said that word was gross and they should use ‘girlfriends’ instead.”

“Now I’ll admit, normally I’d side with Jane on this one. I don’t know if either of you watched the show 30 Rock, but there’s a great joke on the show where Jack Donaghy refers to himself and a woman as lovers and Liz Lemon says ‘Oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between the words meat and pizza.’ I always think of that joke when I hear the word ‘lover.’ But Taylor Swift has written this beautiful ode to her partner Joe Alwyn called ‘Lover,’ and Lily wants to tell Jane Taylor Swift agrees with Lily that ‘lovers’ is a good word, so that means Lily’s won the argument, and she’s so happy to have Jane as her lover. Lily, Jane, I’m not going to be the referee on who’s won this argument, but I am very happy that after all these years you’re both so happy and joking around together. Jane, ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift is for you tonight.”

Another aeroplane, another sunny place

I'm lucky, I know, but I want to go home

Mmmm, I got to go home

Shane put up the tray table as a flight attendant cleared away the last of the team's breakfast. He knew he should sleep on the rest of the flight to Carolina for Game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals, but he was wired with anticipation for tomorrow's game. Instead, he put his earbuds in and unpaused the recording of last night's episode of Lost Tracks with Yvette.

“That was ‘Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)’ by Green Day for Paige, who is graduating from Queen’s University this weekend. Congratulations, Paige! I also went to Queen’s, though that was many years ago now, and I hope you loved your time there as much as I did. My first exposure to working in radio was as a DJ on Queen’s station, and once I started doing that, I knew it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Paige, I hope you also found your passion in university and had plenty of fun along the way.”

“Next up, we have an email dedication. Jane asked me if I could play ‘Home’ by Michael Bublé for Lily. We love Michael Bublé around these parts – how lucky is Canada to have such a talented singer as one of our own? This song is one of his biggest hits, and he wrote it for his fiancée while he was on a lengthy European tour and missing her terribly.”

“Jane says she’s in the middle of a major work event that could last until June. She’s working so hard and she’s very proud of everything she and her colleagues are doing, but it means she can’t spend time with Lily the way she usually does. They try to keep in touch with phone and video calls, but Jane is exhausted from work and is worried that it’s not enough for Lily. She wants Lily to know Jane loves her and can’t wait to spend the summer with her.”

“Jane, I’m sure that Lily understands why you’re doing what you’re doing, and she’s going to be so grateful that even with everything going on in your life, you still took the time to write in and request a song for her. I know your work is important to you, and I hope that after you get through this busy period, you can take some time away from work to relax and be with Lily. Lily, I know that the separation must be hard on you too. I’ll be thinking of both of you. Here’s ‘Home’ by Michael Bublé for Jane and Lily.”

Shane closed his eyes and rested his head against the airplane wall by the window as the song played. He choked down a pang of guilt as Michael Bublé sang "And I know just why you could not come along with me, that this was not your dream, but you always believed in me." Shane knew Ilya sitting at home, his season ending over a month ago while Shane's teams and others kept playing for the Cup, wasn't his dream.

I can lead with pride, I can make us strong

I'll be satisfied if I play along

But the voice inside sings a different song

What is wrong with me?

“Good evening, Lost Tracks with Yvette listeners! It’s so good to be back with you tonight. I spent last week off the air and on vacation, visiting my sister and her family in beautiful Vancouver. Every time I get to see my family, it fills me with such joy. My nephew Nick is in his mid-twenties now and he’s grown up into such a fine young man. I got to meet his girlfriend and some of his friends while I was there. And of course, my sister had two more kids later in life – a good reminder that it’s never too late – and my twin nieces Chloe and Emma are 9 years old this year. They love to dance and sing and play soccer, and they’re both a delight to be around. I’m so grateful I got to spend the time with them, but I also missed all of you here.”

“Now, since I was away for the week, I’ve got a lot of requests to get to tonight that came in over email and voicemail while I was away.” Because she had tact and valued her job, Yvette didn’t mention that BoomerMedia could have hired a substitute DJ for her overnight time slot who would have taken all these requests and could have used it to gain experience for a full-time DJ job in the future, but instead they’d plugged in a syndicated overnight show produced by another station they owned. God forbid they invest in talent instead of saving a buck.

“The first one I’ll play reminds me a lot of my nieces. They love Disney movies, especially the musicals – they know all the words to the songs from so many of those films. One of the movies that they really love is Moana, which came out a few years ago. I watched it with them and it was so sweet. One of the songs from that film, ‘How Far I’ll Go,’ was nominated for an Oscar.”

“It’s a little different from what we usually play here, but one of the emails I came back to was from Lily, who said that she and her girlfriend Jane babysat for friends of theirs over the weekend. The kids thought that Jane and Lily should get married, and so they put together a little wedding ceremony right there in the house while their parents were away. The kids had pink and purple heart-shaped plastic rings for Jane and Lily, they found a magician’s cape and a headband covered in flowers for Jane and Lily to wear, they had stuffed animals as the audience, and one of the kids brought along a toy that played about 15 seconds of ‘How Far I’ll Go’ by Auli'i Cravalho, the actress who played Moana. What a sweet gesture from those kids! It must have been wonderful to be a part of it.”

“Lily asked me if I could play ‘How Far I’ll Go’ for Jane. Lily tells me it was such a joy to marry Jane in the kids’ ceremony and she hopes that someday she’ll be able to have a proper wedding with Jane. Lily, in my book, you’ve already had a proper wedding, but I’m happy to play ‘How Far I’ll Go’ for Jane tonight.”

If I could turn back time, if I could find a way

I'd take back those words that've hurt you, you'd stay

If I could reach the stars, I'd give 'em all to you

Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do

If I could turn back time

“Welcome back, Lost Tracks with Yvette listeners. New Year’s Eve is on Thursday, and you won’t want to miss BoomerMedia’s party at Stages! Tickets are available now on Stages’ website, Radio Kingston’s website, and BoomerMedia’s website. Doors open at 10 PM and your DJs for the night will be Kevin and Joey from HotMixx Radio, our sister station. Kevin from HotMixx’s morning show Cold Pizza and Joey from the afternoon show Rush Hour will be playing all the hottest hits while you sip on the coldest drinks. Admission includes two free drink tickets and a champagne toast at midnight. Tickets are going fast, so get yours now!”

Yvette would rather pull out her own fingernails one by one with rusty pliers than go to that party. She suspected most of her listeners, who were listening to an adult contemporary station’s overnight show because their normal waking hours were when the rest of the world slept or partied, felt similarly. Still, corporate had sent down their edict for all Kingston DJs to promote the show and Yvette would rather not give them an excuse to replace her show with something syndicated for cheaper.

There was a time when Yvette would have gone. She’d throw back shots whether she was working or just partying and celebrate the New Year until the sun rose. But those days were long gone now.

“Next, we have a dedication from Jane to Lily. Jane wrote in explaining that she and Lily had an argument over Boxing Day and Jane ended up leaving Lily’s home early during some of their limited time together. Jane was upset and said things she deeply regrets now, things she knows hurt Lily’s feelings and weren’t true. She plans to call Lily tomorrow to apologize and try to patch things up, but she wants Lily to know now just how much she still loves and cares about Lily and wants to make things right.”

“Jane, let me tell you something. I’ve always been a believer in second chances. I’m hosting this show today because someone gave me one. Back in 2001, I was working at a radio station in Toronto. My first job out of undergrad and I loved it, I’d been working there for almost four years, but I screwed up badly. I had a drinking problem at the time. I eventually got fired for it; I thought my dream of working in radio was dead. But someone here at Radio Kingston gave me a second chance. His name was Pete and he was the music director here back then. Pete was one of the leaders of the campus radio station, and he was graduating the year I started. I didn’t even know him very well back then, but after I was fired, he called me.”

“Pete told me, ‘Yvette, we need someone here in Kingston for overnights. I heard you’re looking for work and I think you’d be great at it. If you’re interested, I’ll put in a good word for you with the station manager.’ I couldn’t believe it. I asked if he knew I’d just gotten fired, if he knew what happened. He told me yes, he knew about all of that, but he also knew I’d be good at this job. He told me I was knowledgeable about music and knew how to talk to people, and he’d try to convince the station to take a chance on me. They did. I told myself I couldn’t let Pete or Radio Kingston down after that, so I got sober and I threw myself into hosting this show. That moment of kindness, that willingness to give me a second chance and see that I wasn’t just a drunk who got fired, I’ve never forgotten that. I’ve tried to carry it forward in my own life, to give others second chances and to encourage this wonderful community of listeners to do the same.”

“Jane, you are so much more than your worst moment, just like I was. You know you have to make things right with Lily, and I have faith you will when you call her tomorrow. You and Lily have been dedicating songs to each other on my show for almost ten years now, and I’ve listened as both of you have gone through hard times and come out with a stronger relationship on the other side. You can get through this too. Lily, if you’re listening, I know you’ve been hurt by what Jane said to you on Boxing Day, whatever it was. But I hope that you can find it in your heart to hear Jane out when she calls and give her a second chance. And Jane, if you get that second chance, I hope you don’t let it go to waste. I’ve been working hard for nineteen years now to earn the second chance I was given, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. Lily, ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ by Cher is for you tonight, from Jane with love.”

Yvette muted her microphone as the Cher song began to play and thought back to that May night when she thought she’d cost herself everything.

She’d been DJing an event in the afternoon, some festival the top 40 station she’d been working at was a sponsor for. Yvette had been drinking even before she’d gone onstage to do her DJ rotation, vodka in a water bottle. At the time, she thought it made her a better DJ. Looser, more animated, funnier. After she’d sobered up, she’d listened to a few recordings of shows she’d hosted while drinking on the job and cringed at the slur in her voice and too-loud laughter at nothing.

She’d gotten her boyfriend at the time, Mike, a ticket for the festival. Yvette barely remembered her DJ set, but she remembered walking around with Mike after and drinking more with him. Then, once the festival ended, heading downtown for dinner and bar-hopping with some of their friends. So much whiskey, like she always had back then.

She’d had a fight with Mike as the evening had grown late. She’d tried to kiss and touch him too aggressively in public. He didn’t like PDA, she knew that, but she felt so good from the alcohol and wanted to make him feel good too. It hadn’t worked.

“You’re always fucking embarrassing me!” he yelled at her. “Can’t you just cool it for one night? I’m sick of this shit.”

Mike left her at the bar, thinking about the call she’d had with her sister Catherine a few weeks before. Yvette had called Catherine late at night, drunk then too, assuming Catherine could talk after her Toronto friends had gone to bed since she was in Vancouver. But Catherine was trying to put her 6-year-old son Nick to bed and didn’t appreciate the drunk dial.

“You’re just like Mom and Dad,” Catherine hissed at her over the phone. “I moved across the goddamn country to get away from them, I don’t need this from you too. Call me when you’re sober or fuck off.”

Just a drunken fuckup like her parents. Couldn’t hang on to a boyfriend, couldn’t get along with her sister, all she had was this radio job.

Back then, Yvette didn’t know what to do about it other than shoot even more whiskey.

Around 1 AM, she stumbled out of the bar. It took her several minutes to find her car, she couldn’t remember for the life of her where she parked. She was even drunker than usual, it had been a long day and night of drinking, but she shrugged it off as she went to her car. She drove herself home from the bars all the time. She’d just take it slow and she’d be fine.

The plan seemed like it was working perfectly until she crashed into a fence.

Yvette didn’t remember most of what happened after that, with her few memories being more flashes than any kind of coherent story. The hood of her car crumpled against the fence. The red and blue flashing lights when the cops came. The cold metal of handcuffs against her wrist.

Worst of all, the moment she looked over the fence and saw what was behind it. A playground.

The cops told her to sleep it off in jail before they’d let her find someone to bail her out. When she could finally call people, it took a few tries to find someone willing to help. Mike told her they were done. Other friends didn’t answer her calls or told her they couldn’t help. Finally, her friend Lori came through, got her out of jail, and took her home. Yvette never saw Lori again.

Her licence was suspended for 90 days as soon as she was arrested and her vehicle was impounded for a week. Not that it mattered, since she’d totaled the damn thing. The radio station she’d worked for fired her over the phone. She went to court, pled guilty, lost her licence for a year, and had to pay another $600 fine, plus the lawyer.

No job, no car, no licence, no savings, no boyfriend, no friends other than her fellow barflies. When Pete called to say Radio Kingston had an opening, it seemed like a miracle to her. Yvette got a cheap apartment in Kingston, walking distance from the station headquarters, and memorized every AA meeting that was within walking distance until she could drive again.

She quietly hoped that Jane and Lily would give each other the same second chance she got.

Where it was dark, now there’s light

Where there was pain, now there's joy

Where there was weakness, I found my strength

All in the eyes of a boy

“That was a request from Allison, ‘3 AM’ by Matchbox Twenty, played right at 3 AM for you. Allison, I hope you and your bakery colleagues have a wonderful shift. Thank you for bringing joy and baked goods to people!”

“Next up, we have another request from Lily, who would like to dedicate a song to Jane. Lily writes in that she and Jane just got engaged. Congratulations, Lily and Jane! Reading engagement and wedding announcements is one of my favorite parts of this job and I’m so happy you two are getting married and shared that with us.”

“Lily asked me to play ‘A New Day Has Come’ by Celine Dion. She is, as far as I’m concerned, one of the greatest artists of all time. She grew up in Charlemagne in Quebec, just outside of Montreal and not far from where I was born and raised in Longueuil. Celine has written and performed so many classic songs. ‘My Heart Will Go On,’ of course, from the Titanic soundtrack. A favorite of mine is ‘It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.’ But this song is a really special one. Celine wrote it to honour the birth of her first son, René-Charles.”

“Celine has said that while for her, the song is about her son, but it can mean different things to others, for anyone who has to find strength again. I’ve been in that position. Lily tells me she recently had a terrifying experience and both she and Jane were afraid Lily might not survive. After that, Jane realized how important Lily is to her and realized she wanted to get married, and Jane planned a beautiful proposal with electric candles on a private dock at their cottage. Lily would like to dedicate ‘A New Day Has Come’ to Jane to honour how loving Jane has transformed her life and how happy she is to be engaged to Jane.”

“Lily and Jane, congratulations! I’m so happy for both of you and I’m sure all of us Lost Tracks listeners are. I do hope you’ll follow up with us once the wedding happens and allow me to announce it on air. I wish both of you nothing but happiness in your married life. This is ‘A New Day Has Come’ by Celine Dion.”

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together, still going strong

“Welcome back to Lost Tracks with Yvette on Radio Kingston. It’s 12:30 AM on March 17, St. Patrick’s Day. I hope you’re all wearing your green tonight! We’re going to kick off this block of music with a dedication from Jane to Lily. Jane asked if we could play ‘You’re Still The One’ by Shania Twain for her Lily.”

“Jane says she and Lily have recently had to deal with people who have been unsupportive of their relationship and even tried to force them to go back in the closet and hide it. Jane says that it’s been difficult to learn that some of the people in her life weren’t supportive of her relationship the way she hoped they would be, but Lily’s love and care for her have sustained her through this rough time and she’s more sure than ever that she wants to marry Lily. Jane, I’m so sorry you and Lily have been going through this, but I’m happy you have each other.”

“I’m sure you all know who Shania Twain is. She was born and raised right here in Ontario, got her start playing at bars at just eight years old to help her family pay the bills, and she’s become the best-selling female country artist of all time. So many wonderful artists, from Taylor Swift to Harry Styles to Carrie Underwood, have cited Shania as an influence on their music. This song, ‘You’re Still The One,’ is an ode to her husband, who was also one of the producers on her debut album. A lot of people doubted that their relationship would last, but they were still happily together when this song was released, four years after they met and got married.”

Out of kindness for Jane and Lily, Yvette left out the part where the producer had cheated on Shania Twain with her best friend in 2008. Really, what kind of idiot cheated on Shania Twain?

“I love how triumphant this song is. It really drives home how love conquers all. No matter what other challenges you may face in your life, no matter how many other people may doubt you and your relationship, you can get through anything as long as you’re with the person you love and support each other. Jane and Lily, I’m rooting for both of you. I’ve been hearing from both of you for a long time and I know your relationship has withstood so many tests and challenges already. I’m sure that you’ll make it through this one as well. ‘You’re Still The One’ by Shania Twain is for you.”

I am not scared of the elements

I am underprepared, but I am willing

And even better

I get to be the other half of you

“You just heard ‘Shine’ by Collective Soul, their breakout hit from 1993. Unlike many of our songs here, that one wasn’t a request – it’s a favorite of mine from my university days. It got its start as a demo that got played on Georgia State University college radio before the band had recorded a full album or gotten a record deal. Their listeners loved it and it got added to the regular rotation, and the song began spreading to other stations. It became a staple of alternative rock radio and launched a very successful career for Collective Soul.”

Yvette didn’t mention that she was playing more of her own selections tonight because on summer evenings, especially Friday night into Saturday morning, requests were often slow. People were out and about doing things, not requesting songs on overnight radio. But the listeners who stuck around for this show didn’t need to know that.

“Next up, we have a dedication from Lily to Jane. Lily tells me she and Jane are getting married tomorrow – though now that we’re past midnight and into Saturday, July 10, it’s really later today. Congratulations, Lily and Jane! I’m so happy for both of you. I do hope you’re getting some rest tonight before your big day tomorrow. You two are both going to be beautiful brides and I hope you have a day full of love and joy, surrounded by all the people who you both love most and who love you just as much.”

“Lily asked if I could play ‘I Choose You’ by Sara Bareilles, which is just a wonderful song, for Jane. Lily says she picked this song because she and Jane have chosen each other over and over again, no matter what else has happened, and at their wedding they’ll be choosing each other for life. Isn’t that just beautiful?”

“A little background on this song and artist before we play the song for Lily and Jane. Sara Bareilles has written so many gorgeous piano pop songs, starting with ‘Love Song’, her breakout hit about not wanting to write a love song when her label was pressuring her to write one. This one, however, is a real love song. It also ended up being one of the last big hits of her pop music career before she began focusing on musical theatre. Sara Bareilles wrote the music and score for the hit musical Waitress, which made its debut in 2015, and she’s going to play the lead role as well in a limited engagement run on Broadway this fall. As for this song, ‘I Choose You,’ she helped two fans of hers propose to their partners and filmed the proposals for the music video.”

“Lily and Jane, congratulations again on your wedding! I hope that like in the song, for both of you, your wedding is the beautiful start to a lifelong love letter. Here’s ‘I Choose You’ by Sara Bareilles for you, Jane.”

Everywhere, everything

I want to love you

‘Til we’re food for the worms to eat

‘Til our fingers decompose

Keep my hand in yours

“Welcome to Lost Tracks with Yvette on Radio Kingston! It’s midnight here in Kingston, Ontario and we’ll be playing your requests and hidden gems from the 80s, 90s and today from now until 5 AM. Thank you for joining me tonight on this lovely October evening. I hope all your Halloween preparations are going well.”

“As many of you regular listeners know, this is going to be my last week on Radio Kingston’s overnight show. I’ve had the pleasure of hosting this show since the summer of 2001, so 21 years and change now. I’ve decided to move to Vancouver to be closer to my sister, nephew, and nieces, and I’ll be working at an adult contemporary station there – though now I’ll be on the air between 10 AM and 3 PM. I’m looking forward to seeing a lot more daylight now that I’ll be awake during regular daytime hours, but we’ve built a wonderful community here on Lost Tracks. I’m going to miss all of you.”

Yvette was also moving because she’d accepted a buyout of her contract with Radio Kingston’s corporate ownership BoomerMedia, who were looking to cut costs by using syndicated content to replace her overnight radio segment, but she couldn’t tell her listeners that.

“I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful regular listeners during my time as host of Lost Tracks with Yvette, and two of them are Jane and Lily, who have been dedicating songs to each other on Lost Tracks since February 2011 by email. I still have the first email I ever received from Lily, asking me to play ‘Airplanes’ by B.o.B. and Hayley Williams after weather kept her away from Jane. But Jane and Lily have always used email to dedicate their songs to each other. Tonight, though, they said that in honor of my last week on Radio Kingston, they’d like to call in and introduce themselves properly. Much to my surprise, it turns out they usually work earlier in the evenings, so we’re going to talk to them now and then let them get some much-needed sleep.” Yvette picked up the call she had on hold. “Jane, Lily, you’re live on the air. Why don’t you introduce yourselves to Lost Tracks listeners?”

“Hi, everyone. My name is Shane Hollander and I play center for the Ottawa Centaurs. But Lost Tracks with Yvette listeners also know me as Jane.”

“Hello, I’m Ilya Rozanov, captain of the Ottawa Centaurs. On this show, I go by Lily.”

When Yvette had gotten a voicemail and email from the two of them the week before, explaining who they were and that they wanted to call into the show and do a grand reveal in honor of Yvette leaving, she’d been stunned. She’d sometimes wondered who Jane and Lily were, what kept them physically apart from each other and what kept bringing them back together, but never in a million years had she imagined they were actually Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov.

“Shane and Ilya, it’s so good to hear from you both. Thank you for taking the time to call in during the beginning of your season.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Shane said. "We had a game tonight, we beat the Houston Drillers 3-1 and Ilya scored a power play goal, and we just got home about an hour ago. We’re so happy to have the chance to talk to you on the air after so many years of emails and we wanted to celebrate your time on Radio Kingston now that you’re leaving.”

“How did all of this start, you two dedicating songs to each other on my show?”

“Shane told me about your show the second time we met,” Ilya answered. “The night we were drafted, we both ended up in the hotel gym the night after. We had a race on the stationary bikes and talked, I asked what he was listening to, and he told me the name of your show. Even then, before anything ever happened between us, I was drawn to Shane. I wanted to know everything about him.”

“I started listening to Lost Tracks when I was still in school,” Shane added. “I played in a lot of hockey tournaments and we’d have to drive all over Ontario and sometimes Quebec to get to them. Often my parents and I would have to wake up at 3 or 4 AM to hit the road or we’d be driving home after midnight, and Radio Kingston was one of the stations where we always had reception – some of the other stations we’d lose if we went too far east or west. Plus, my parents loved the music and your voice, and I grew to love it too. But I never would have expected Ilya to remember that I liked it. I only mentioned it once. Then a year and a half later, our game against each other was postponed and I was so upset I couldn’t see Ilya. The next day, I was listening to the recording of your show while I was in the gym. I heard Lily’s dedication to Jane and I knew it was Ilya dedicating a song to me.”

“I tried to send a song to Shane even before that one, but Yvette, you didn’t let me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before we started using the fake names. Shane and I met in the summer of 2010 to do a CCM commercial together, we ended up…I’ll just say we had fun that night. I remembered about the radio show he liked, I wanted to dedicate ‘Right Round’ by Flo Rida and Kesha to him. I didn’t use Shane’s name. But you emailed me back and said you couldn’t do prank dedications.”

Yvette’s jaw dropped. “That was actually you emailing me? I thought someone made a fake Ilya Rozanov email account as a joke.”

“It was me! The fake names worked better.”

“How did you come up with the fake names?”

“They’re the names we used to save each other’s phone numbers,” Shane said. “In MLH locker rooms, everyone’s always snooping. The environment was homophobic back then – it still is, but a lot of locker rooms are getting better and the Ottawa Centaurs have created a great environment – so we didn’t want to text someone with a man’s name to hook up, especially not our biggest rivals. So Ilya saved me in his phone as Jane and I saved him in my phone as Lily. We exchanged numbers at our first All-Star Game in January 2011 and Ilya’s first dedication to me that actually made it on the air was just a few weeks after that.”

“Do you think dedicating the songs to each other affected your relationship?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Ilya said. “In the beginning, we really struggled to tell each other how we felt. We tried to pretend it was just casual hookups for a long time. Sometimes we hurt each other in the process. The music gave us a way to communicate that felt safer than just telling each other our feelings. It helped us understand each other better. There was one time after a hookup that Shane asked for a sad song, I think it was ‘Linger,’ and it broke my heart. I had been trying to hide my feelings that night because I was scared, but Shane sending me that song made me think that maybe he wanted more than what we had at the time, too.”

“Even when we got together for real and Ilya moved closer, we also had to spend a lot of time apart,” Shane added. “We haven’t really done the dedications since we got married and both began playing for Ottawa, because we haven’t needed to. Now, if there’s a song that makes me think of Ilya, he’s probably on the couch with me, or in the team gym, or we’re sharing a room in a hotel on the road. We can just share earbuds and listen to it together. But for so long, for seven years of hooking up and four years of being long-distance boyfriends, we never had that. Being able to secretly send each other songs on your show made us feel closer to each other.”

“That was why we wanted to do the reveal,” Ilya said. “We wanted to thank you, Yvette. You helped us when things were difficult for us and we’ll never forget that. We’re going to miss your show very much. We don’t do the dedications anymore, but we kept listening. Could we do one more dedication to each other, actually?”

“Of course,” Yvette said. “I’ve been meaning to cut in and say I need to play a song now! What song would you like?”

“We’ve both been listening to Noah Kahan’s new album Stick Season, and there’s a track Ilya and I both really love, ‘Everywhere, Everything.’ Could you play that for both of us?”

“I would love nothing more,” Yvette answered. “Can you stick around a few minutes more after I play it? I’ll let you go after that.”

“Of course we can.”

And if I don’t see you in

A long, long while

I’ll try to find you

Left of the dial

When the final notes of 'Everywhere, Everything' faded out, Yvette unmuted her microphone and took Shane and Ilya off hold. “Welcome back, Lost Tracks listeners. That was a new song from Noah Kahan, ‘Everywhere, Everything,’ and it was a special request from two regular requesters on our show, Jane and Lily – though tonight we’ve learned their real names are Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, and we have them on the air with us tonight. Shane and Ilya, thank you again for being with us.”

“Thank you for having us,” Ilya said. “And thank you for hosting your wonderful show over the years. You should be very proud.”

“Shane, what’s your favorite song that Ilya’s dedicated to you over the years?”

“That’s a tough question,” Shane said. “I love all of them. ‘Criminal’ is a sad memory, but I’m also really grateful he made the dedication. That was after the Sochi Olympics, when Ilya’s team lost unexpectedly early in the tournament, his father was so hard on him, and he was terrified of us getting caught together in Russia because of the anti-gay laws there. He shut me out when we were there and at the time I didn’t understand why, I didn’t know what his family was like. The dedication told me he still cared about me and he was trying. ‘Lover’ made me laugh, it’s so perfectly Ilya and me to try to win an argument from two years ago. I wish I’d heard ‘Ever The Same’ in real time, I had to take a break from listening the first few days because of my concussion, but Ilya came to visit me in the hospital the next day. Between that and the dedication, I knew how much he cared.”

“Same question for you, Ilya. What’s your favorite song that Shane dedicated to you?”

“He played ‘Home’ for me when he was away winning his third Stanley Cup. I know how much hockey means to my Shane, and him thinking of me and missing me while he’s achieving his biggest dream told me how much I mean to him. ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ came after we had a big fight and it was what I needed to hear to know that we would be okay. ‘Angel’ by Sarah McLachlan for my mother, too. It was Shane’s idea to name our foundation after my mama Irina after she committed suicide. I wish more than anything that my mama could have met Shane. Sometimes I feel like she sent him to me.”

“Yvette, we actually have a question for you,” Shane said. “You always say that if listeners want to make a dedication but don’t know what song it should be, we can tell you what’s going on in our lives and you’ll pick something out for us. You’ve done that for us a couple times and it’s always been perfect. If Ilya and I asked you to pick a song for the two of us and our relationship, what would you play for us?”

“That’s a great question,” Yvette answered. “One of my favorite bands is The Replacements. I don’t get to play them often on here, but they have a song that I think would be perfect for you two called ‘Left of the Dial.’ It was both a song about a woman that he had a crush on at the time, Lynn Blakey, who was a singer for the band Let’s Active, and a love letter to the college radio stations that played both of their bands. The name ‘Left of the Dial’ refers to how campus radio stations often have very low FM numbers – they’re literally on the left side of the dial that older cars would use to switch between radio stations. I have a soft spot for campus radio, I got into the radio industry by working as a DJ at Queen’s University’s campus radio station. But beyond that, I think the song captures something about your relationship. That feeling of yearning for each other, not being able to be together but finding connection where you can. Of loving the work you do and appreciating that the person you love is also incredibly talented in your field. Of seeing how music can bring us together. I think it’s a song that might not be on either of your radars but is perfect for both of you.”

“Thank you,” Ilya said. “Yvette, we have to get to bed after this, but would you play ‘Left of the Dial’ for us?”

“It would be my honor, Shane and Ilya. Lost Tracks listeners, here’s ‘Left of the Dial’ by The Replacements.”