Work Text:
It was a beautiful day in Robloxia, birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and Bacon, Noob, and Guest weren’t in a messy situation for once. Noob was on the couch, watching TV and eating pizza. Bacon was in his room, working on a gadget (and by working on a gadget I mean watching anime on his PC). And Guest was checking the mail. The mail was just normal bills and deadlines, but then he found an envelope with a heart sticker on it, he opened it and it read:
“Dear Noob, Bacon, and Guest,
We hope this letter finds you three well. We’re just a few neighbors who’ve seen you three at your finest and we’d like to invite you to a tea party at our house. We’ll have cake, plenty of desserts, and we even have a dog who is very excited to meet you, her name is Cupcake. If you’re accepting our invite, then the party will be at 5pm on Saturday. We hope to see you three there.
From Angelica, Peggy, and Eliza.”
Underneath had their address.
Guest walked up to Noob, holding the letter in his hand.
Noob: “Hey, you’re blocking the TV, I need to see what Mckenzie is gonna do to Ellie!”
Guest: (We got a letter to a tea party.)
Noob: “A tea party? I’m not going to some princess party.”
Guest: (They said they’ll have cake and other desserts.)
Guest handed the letter to Noob.
Noob: “...”
Noob: “Y’know, that doesn’t sound too bad.”
Guest: (I’ll go tell Bacon.)
Guest took the letter from Noob, walked upstairs, Noob quickly followed. Guest knocked on Bacon’s bedroom door. Shortly after, Bacon opened it.
Bacon: “What is it?”
Guest: (We got a letter to a tea party.)
Bacon: “A tea party? From who?”
Guest: (From three girls, they say they’re our neighbors who’ve seen us before.)
Bacon: “Why would they invite us to a tea party? Anytime we’re seen in public, we’re doing some sort of crime.”
Noob: “Come on, that’s not always true.”
Bacon: “We were literally on the news once as suspects for arson!”
Noob: “That was one time! Plus they’ll have cake!”
Guest: (And a dog!)
Bacon: “I still find it suspicious.”
Noob: “Think about it! It’s today! Those poor girls are probably putting their blood and sweat into making their tea party for us with all those treats only for us to not show up! Think of their feelings!”
Bacon: “Are you just saying that because you want free food?”
Noob: “...”
Noob: “No..?”
Bacon: “Okay, okay. Fine. We can go.”
Noob: “Let’s go!”
The trio quickly got ready and left their house. The tea party was only a few blocks away. Once they arrived, they noticed a “Beware, dog” sign by the gate entrance.
Bacon: “Should we be scared?”
Noob: “Nah, they probably just have that there to scare off intruders, their dog is literally named Cupcake.”
As they opened the gate, there was immediate barking. Turns out “Cupcake” was a big ass pitbull that could easily be mistaken to have rabies. The trio quickly retreated and closed the gate frantically.
Noob: “Okay… Turns out I was wrong.”
Bacon: “THAT THING LOOKS LIKE IT ATTACKS TODDLERS FOR FUN.”
Noob: “Well, Guest, you’re good with animals. Try taming it.”
Guest: (I’m not taming that.)
Suddenly the front door burst open, there was a woman with red hair in a bun and heavy makeup, she wore a blue apron and a yellow dress. She quickly ran over.
???: “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry! Cupcake didn’t know what you three looked like yet! She thought you were intruders!”
She opened the gate for them and Cupcake remained calm, returning to her doghouse.
???: “You were five minutes late, the others thought you weren’t showing up.”
Eliza: “I’m Eliza. Please, come in.”
She quickly guided the trio inside along with Cupcake. Greeting them were two other girls. One had hair similar to Bacon’s, with some hot pink hair sticking out, she also wore a leather jacket and jean shorts. The other had white hair and pale skin, wearing a black sweater and a black Roblox hat. Eliza pointed at the white haired girl.
Eliza: “That’s Angelica, and the other one is Peggy.”
Peggy: “We’re so happy that you were able to make it! Angie was getting so anxious.”
Angelica: “I wasn’t…”
Eliza: “Please, have a seat.”
Eliza guided the trio to the dining room, everything was already laid out. Cake, biscuits, tea, everything.
Noob: “Yo… This looks good.”
Eliza: “Awh, thank you! I made it all myself.”
Bacon: “I gotta admit this does look good.”
Peggy: “Are you just gonna stand there or actually chow down? Eliza worked her ass off trying to make this tea party perfect.”
Everyone sat down and poured themselves tea. Each person took some of the treats.
Noob: “This cake is amazing.”
Eliza: “I’m so glad you like it. I was worried that I may have burnt it a bit.”
Peggy: “Angie and I both said already that it didn’t look charred in the slightest. You get worked up over nothing.”
Eliza: “You were getting worked up over what to wear.”
Peggy: “That’s different. You’re an expert when it comes to baking. I’m not an expert with fashion.”
Eliza: “Please, I’m not that much of an expert.”
Bacon: “Could’ve fooled me. This stuff is good.”
Angelica: “Eliza, you didn’t touch your food.”
Eliza: “I’m not that hungry.”
Peggy: “Bullsh#t. You work your #ss off everyday.”
Noob: “I’ll take it if you don’t want it.”
Eliza: “That’s nice of you.”
Eliza gently pushed her slice of cake towards Noob.
Bacon: “So… your letter said you saw us at our finest?”
Peggy: “Yesss. We’ve seen you three and you’re so cool!”
Bacon: “Uh… How?”
Peggy: “You literally fought David Bazucki and lived! What can possibly be cooler?”
Bacon: “You know about that?”
Peggy: “Hello? We literally witnessed it. We were outside during the protest and saw through the windows.”
Noob: “So you’re fans?”
Eliza: “You could say that.”
Noob: “That’s awesome!”
Bacon: “Don’t you guys know that we were on the news as suspects for arson?”
Peggy: “Oh yeah, we do.”
Bacon: “...”
Noob: “...”
Guest: “...”
Eliza: “...”
Angelica: “...”
Bacon: “So-”
Peggy: “Anyway, tell us about yourselves. What do you all like?”
Eliza: “I can tell Noob likes food.”
Bacon: “Yeah, you have no idea. Fat#ss ate 42 pizzas.”
Noob: “Well, you may know that, but did you know I was raised on a farm?”
Eliza: “A farm? Must be hard working then.”
Bacon: “Hard working? He doesn’t lift a finger when it comes to work.”
Peggy: “Yeah yeah, what else is it to you?”
Bacon: “Uh… I have a background in engineering.”
Peggy: “Smart. Smart people are usually rare these days.”
Eliza: “Yeah, people like you plague it.”
Peggy: “Excuse me?!”
Eliza: “All you do is rot in your room all day watching those cartoons.”
Peggy: “They’re not cartoons! They’re anime! And it’s peak!”
Eliza: “Your room is hideous!”
Peggy: “Your face is hideous! You put too much makeup on.”
Angelica: “Guys… Our guests are right here.”
Peggy: “So so sorry! Eliza doesn’t like to keep her mouth shut.”
Bacon: “So you all are friends?”
Peggy: “Yep!”
Bacon: “How’d you meet?”
Peggy: “We met during that protest outside Roblox HQ. Same day you three fought David.”
Noob: “That recent?”
Peggy: “I know right? It feels like we’ve been friends for ages.”
Eliza: “Are you three still hungry? I can make more cake.”
Bacon: “No, we’re fine-”
Noob: “Yeah!”
Eliza: “Alrighty then.”
Bacon: “No, no. You don’t have to put so much work into this. It’s just a visit.”
Eliza: “I don’t mind. I really don’t.”
Peggy: “Hey, how about while Eliza is slaving herself away, we can just chill for a bit. Bacon, you wanna chill in my room.”
Bacon: “Eh… I don’t know.”
Angelica: “O-Oh. Guest, let me introduce you to Cupcake. I know you two had a bad start but I promise she’s an angel. She just is a bit overprotective.”
Angelica gently grabbed Guest’s arm and took him outside. Eliza was in the kitchen.
Peggy: “Looks like it’s just us two. Do you like anime?”
Bacon: “Kinda. Yeah.”
Peggy: “You wanna binge watch some shows with me?”
Bacon: “Got nothing better to do so sure.”
Bacon followed Peggy down the hallway and to her room. Her room had shelves that were filled with books and action figures. Everything was neat and decorated, photos on the walls showing trips her and her friends had, lights, and a computer in the corner.
Bacon: “Your room’s not bad.”
Peggy: “Oh my gosh, thank youuu! Angie doesn’t even like it and her room is a mess.”
Bacon looked around, opened a few drawers, glanced at the books on the shelves (they were mostly manga). He glanced at a walk-in closet and walked up to it. Peggy quickly got between him and the closet.
Peggy: “Don’t look in there! I-I didn’t get to organize it and pushed everything in there! It’s a mess, you don’t want to open it!”
Bacon: “Oh, uh, okay.”
Peggy: “Let’s just watch some of the shows I have.”
Peggy walked over to her computer, turning it on.
Peggy: “What’s your favorite anime?”
Angelica opened the front door. Cupcake was in her doghouse. Guest was uneasy, occasionally stepping a bit back from her.
Angelica: “Don’t worry. Cupcake is really nice. It was just a bad impression earlier. Trust me, you’ll love her.”
Angelica whistled, earning Cupcake’s attention, she peeked out of her doghouse.
Angelica: “Come, girl. I want you to meet Guest.”
She pulled out a dog toy from her pocket. It was a rubber chicken. She tossed it to Cupcake, who immediately caught it in her mouth.
Angelica: “It’s her favorite toy. She loves to play fetch with it. Come, girl. Come meet Guest.”
Cupcake walked up to the two, gently sniffing Guest and licking one of his hands.
Angelica: “See? She’s a big teddy bear! Pet her gently.”
Guest hesitantly reached out and scratched behind her ear. Cupcake leaned into it.
Angelica: “She already likes you! Do you want me to get you a snack while you play with her?”
Guest: (Sure.)
Angelica turned on her heel and went back inside. There, Noob was sitting in the dining room while Eliza was baking. He was already chowing down on some chicken.
Angelica: “Eliza, I need the cookies. Y’know, the cookies you have.”
Eliza: “Oh. Of course. How many?”
Angelica: “Two.”
Eliza: “On it.”
Noob: “There’s cookies?”
Eliza: “O-Oh. These cookies are cold. I’m sure you’d want freshly batched up cookies, don’t you?”
Noob: “I mean, I’ll eat anything, I don’t mind.”
Eliza: “Well, you’re our special guest so we should treat you like one. Plus, I still have this cake to make.”
Eliza opened a cabinet and took a container of cookies, she opened it and let Angelica take two before putting it back. Angelica then returned outside.
Angelica: “Here you go!”
Guest: (Thanks.)
Guest took the cookies and bit into one of them as he played with Cupcake.
Eliza: “What else do you like? I can make all sorts of goodies. Cookies, cake, pies, chicken, steak.”
Noob: “I’m done for anything. I ate thirty seven pieces of chicken once.”
Eliza: “Yeah, I know.”
Noob: “You know?”
Eliza: “What?”
Noob: “What?”
Eliza: “Anyway, tell me more about that farm you grew up on. Any relatives still there?”
Noob: “Uh, I have a cousin who lives in Sunbloxia.”
Eliza: “Must be nice, huh?”
Noob: “Yeah, his name is Billy Bob. My friends and I helped him on the farm once. He has a neighbor, Cleatus, they didn’t have a good relationship but it’s been resolved.”
Eliza: “That’s good to hear. He sounds like a nice man.”
Noob heard the front door close, he turned his head and saw Angelica helping Guest walk.
Noob: “What happened?”
Angelica: “He said his head started feeling dizzy. I’m just helping him rest in my room.”
Eliza: “Oh, no! Hope he feels better soon.”
Angelica nodded and continued to walk Guest down the hallway.
Eliza: “Anyway, tell me more about the little adventures you and your friends had. You fought David, what else have you done?”
Noob: “We fought this weird green guy who was messing with a weather machine. I mostly did it cause I wanted my chocolate chip pancakes.”
Eliza: “Hm, valid. Who doesn’t love food?”
Noob: “Uh, is there anything about you besides baking?”
Eliza: “I like fashion and makeup.”
Noob: “That’s it?”
Eliza: “Basically. My friends and I don’t have the same adventures you do. Which is a shame because it all seems so fun.”
Noob: “Yeah, is the cake done?”
Eliza: “Almost. Tell me more about the little adventures you’ve had.”
Eliza: “You really fought a guy from another dimension?”
Noob: “Sure did. Hey, where’s the bathroom?”
Eliza: “Oh, down the hallway, left door.”
Noob: “Alright, thanks.”
Noob got out of his seat, left the dining room and walked down the hallway. There were two doors, left and right.
Noob: “Did she say left… or right?”
Noob glanced between the two doors before choosing to enter the right door.
It was Angelica’s room. There were pictures of Guest on the wall, shelves that had demonic items, and, at the center, Guest was tied to a chair while Angelica stood next to him with a dagger.
Noob: “...”
Guest: “...”
Angelica: “...”
Noob: “What the hell is going on here?”
Angelica: “I-I know this looks bad but hear me out real quick.”
Noob: “Guest, are you in danger?”
Angelica: “Don’t answer that.”
Noob: “Guest, blink twice if you’re in danger.”
Guest: O_O
Guest: –_–
Guest: O_O
Guest: –_–
Guest: O_O
Noob: “Yep, I’m getting Bacon.”
Angelica: “W-Wait!”
Noob quickly left the room.
Peggy and Bacon were sitting on the bed, watching the anime on the computer.
Peggy: “Oh my gosh… This is the scene.”
Bacon: “Shh.”
Noob suddenly bursted into the room.
Noob: “BACON! WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! ANGIE’S CRAZY AND SHE HAS GUEST TIED TO A CHAIR!”
Bacon: “Why is it always when Nico-chan is about to say the- did you just say Angie has Guest tied to a chair.”
Noob: “Yes.”
Peggy: “Angelica! You couldn’t have waited five damn minutes?!”
Bacon: “You knew about this?!”
Peggy: “It’s probably just one of her weird roleplays, hehe.”
Noob: “Roleplays that involve daggers, pictures of Guest, and demonic items?”
Bacon: “WHAT.”
Bacon: “Okay, we’re getting out of here. Noob, get Guest.”
Peggy: “W-Wait! But Nico-chan is about to say it!”
Bacon: “You’re friends with a psychopath!”
Peggy: “It’s just her! It’s not like the rest of us are crazy.”
Peggy’s closet suddenly opened, the items that quickly came out were… questionable.
Bacon: “...”
Noob: “...”
Peggy: “...”
Bacon: “Is that a body pillow of me?”
Peggy: “No.”
Bacon: “Yeah, we’re getting out of here.”
Bacon and Noob quickly went to Angelica’s room, where she was clinging to Guest like her life depended on it and Guest looked like he was regretting all of his life choices.
Angelica: “I’m not done with my ritual though!”
Bacon: “What ritual?”
Angelica: “So, basically, I’m gonna bind our souls together so we’ll always be together no matter what.”
Noob: “What in the 2016.”
Bacon: “You can’t bind your soul with Guest, what is wrong with you?!”
Peggy: “Don’t worry about her, Bacon! She’s just a little insane in the membrane. Come back to my room, pleaseeeee?”
Bacon: “Hell no! You have a bloody body pillow of me!”
Angelica: “Under your bed would’ve been a better hiding spot.”
Peggy: “Shut up, Angie!”
Bacon: “Let Guest go!”
Angelica: “You can’t make me!”
Noob: “Looks like we’ll have to do this the hard way.”
…
Noob: “What’s that?”
Angelica: “Huh?”
Noob quickly grabbed the chair as Angelica turned around and carried Guest out the room, fumbling with the rope as he did. Bacon followed.
Angelica: “Wha- HEY!”
Peggy: “Get back here!”
When they reached the living room, Eliza was blocking the front door.
Eliza: “Noob, I made all these treats for you. I worked so hard on them. You’re not gonna let them go to waste, are you?”
Noob: “Uhhhh, do you do to-go?”
Eliza: “No, they’ll get cold.”
Noob: “I can handle cold food.”
Peggy: “Of course you can, fat#ss.”
Eliza: “Do not insult Noob like that.”
Peggy: “What do you even see in him? He just eats while you slave yourself away trying to please his appetite.”
Eliza: “At least I don’t have rabbit hormones and fake a personality just so I can spend a night with him.”
Angelica: “Oooo…”
Peggy: “You should not be talking, Angie! Every week you try to summon the devil!”
Angelica: “At least I had a plan before Guest came.”
Peggy: “At least I was more subtle.”
Noob quickly untied Guest from the chair.
Bacon: “What do we do now?”
Noob cleared his throat.
Noob: “Eliza’s right, y’know. I’m literally the best.”
Peggy: “Oh hush it! You have an appetite that’d make Shedletsky jealous!”
Eliza: “He fought a literal god and won! What’s there not to love?”
Peggy: “He doesn’t bother to lift a finger for any work!”
Eliza: “At least he’s not basic like your little engineer.”
Peggy: “Basic? You want basic? Look at Guest!”
Angelica: “Guest isn’t basic!”
Peggy: “He so is!”
Angelica: “He’s a sweetheart and he’s mine.”
Peggy: “Oh, he’s all yours, pal. More basic than your outfit.”
Eliza: “Oh, she went there.”
Peggy: “You too! Straight up barbie doll looking #ss!”
Eliza: “At least my outfit is original.”
Peggy: “Look me dead in my eyes and say that again.”
Eliza walked over and looked Peggy in the eyes.
Eliza: “At least my outfit is o-ri-gi-nal.”
Bacon: “Now’s our chance.”
Noob: “I’m not going out there with that dog.”
Guest: (Leave it to me.)
Guest slowly opened the front door and saw Cupcake guarding the front gate. He saw the rubber chicken on the ground and picked it up. He then opened the door wide open, whistled, and threw the chicken away from the gate. Cupcake quickly went after it.
Angelica: “Ah! No! Cupcake! Bad girl! You’re supposed to stop them!”
Guest quickly opened the gate and ran out, Bacon and Noob quickly followed.
Peggy: “Get back here!”
Eliza: “Noob! What about your treats?”
But they didn’t stop. They kept running all the way back home.
Eliza: “...”
Peggy: “...”
Angelica: “...”
Eliza: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”
Peggy: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”
Angelica: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”
Bacon: “So we’re just gonna deal with those girls being our neighbors?”
Noob: “Eh, Eliza wasn’t too bad.”
Guest: (At least she didn’t try to bind your soul to hers.)
Noob: “You wanna go get some burgers.”
Bacon: “Didn’t Eliza give you a three course meal?”
Noob: “I’m still hungry.”
Guest: (I could go for a burger.)
Bacon: “Y’know what? After what just happened. Same.”