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Lilia woke up with a jolt to his system. Sweat caked his forehead, and his hands began shaking. He quickly sat up, forcing himself to take slow breaths to calm himself down. He had nightmares in the past, namely about his own colorful history, but this one felt different. His nightmares never really focused on anything specific about when he was raising Malleus and Silver, but for some reason…
Lilia let out a quiet sigh and weaved a hand through his hair. “It was a silly nightmare,” he whispered to himself. “It means nothing.”
He wiped the sweat off his forehead, standing up and beginning to walk towards his door. His feet carried him down the stairs and towards Diasomnia’s kitchen. Perhaps a nice cup of tea would calm his nerves. Or if they still had any tomato juice. Lilia was never picky about his choice of food or drink.
When he arrived at the kitchen, he opened the fridge and found a pitcher of tea. He poured some of it into a mug and placed it in the microwave. He leaned back against the kitchen counter and waited for his tea to finish warming up. Unfortunately, that small amount of waiting was enough to get his mind racing again.
It wasn’t often Lilia doubted his choices regarding his children. However, ever since he watched Malleus overblot before his very eyes, more and more thoughts about his time with him, Silver, and Sebek kept plaguing his mind. Doubts about his abilities when it came to raising them, or helping to raise in some cases, wouldn’t stop creeping in. Especially, at least recently, how it came to his choices regarding Silver.
The boy wanting to take his last name even after learning everything should’ve been enough to ease his anxieties. Still, Lilia couldn’t help but think about what Silver might’ve been thinking when he was first exposed to the truth of what really happened. What happened to his biological parents, who they actually were, Lilia’s own thoughts about killing him when he was just a baby. He thought sparing him the truth would protect him, but now he wondered if he was really protecting Silver or himself.
He took his warmed mug out of the microwave and watched the steam swirl for a moment. He couldn’t help but think about the possibilities of what would’ve happened if Silver found out earlier. Or if the circumstances upon which he found out impacted his decision to forgive him so easily. Would Lilia have ever even told him his true heritage in the first place? Or would he have just selfishly pretended that he was only his?
That wasn’t even getting into his responsibility with Malleus. He loved that kid like he was his own, and yet the elders always seemed to want him as far away as possible from their heir. He always feared that the distance forced between them would cause Malleus to start seeing him like how everyone else saw him. His overblot weighed on him heavily, and seeing his broken horn felt like a repeated stab to his heart. It always reminded him of his failure to protect the ones he cared about most.
And then there was Sebek. Sweet, loyal Sebek, whom he saw as his own grandson. That poor boy grew up feeling so ashamed of a part of himself that he still hasn’t been able to get over his internal biases of himself. Lilia knew part of himself was to blame for not doing enough to stop Baur’s ramblings about humans being evil and all of the horror stories he and Lilia endured fighting them. He wondered if any of the stories he told made Sebek hate himself even more.
His fingers gripped his mug tightly. He stopped dwelling on the past a long time ago. So why was everything weighing on him so heavily?
“Father?”
Lilia looked up to see his son standing in the doorway, hair a mess and eyes bleary from sleep. The sleeves of his sweater were stretched over his hands, and his arms were crossed like he was trying to keep himself warm. On top of that, his eyes were red like he’d been crying. Everything in Lilia’s brain screamed that something was wrong.
The former war general immediately set his mug down and strode towards him. “Silver? What’s wrong? Why are you awake?” he asked softly, cradling Silver’s arms gently. When he didn’t respond, Lilia began to guide him towards the lounge. “Here, come sit.”
He guided Silver to the couch and grabbed a blanket from a nearby armchair, draping it over his shoulders. Silver looked up at his father and winced. “Why are you awake?” he asked.
Lilia just smiled fondly at him. Even when he was upset, his son was always thinking about others. “Don’t worry about me.” He practically wrapped Silver up in the blanket before giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Stay here. I’ll go make you some tea.”
When his touch left, Silver’s entire body tensed in panic. His arms shot out and wrapped around Lilia’s waste. “No!” he cried, burying his face in his father’s stomach.
Lilia froze in his hold, feeling tears begin to soak into his sweatshirt. “Silver-”
“Don’t… Don’t leave. Please,” he whimpered.
He stood there for a moment, listening to his son cry into his sweatshirt. His heart ached hearing him like this. One hand gently rested on his shoulder while the other caressed his silver locks. “Alright. I’m here,” he murmured.
Silver hiccuped, squeezing his dad tighter. “...’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I- We thought you were dead. I know you came back b-but…” He sniffled, shuddering when he felt that comforting touch travel to his back to soothe him. “I went to your room a-and you weren’t there. I thought-”
He felt a small kiss press into his scalp. “I’m here, Silver.”
“I’m sorry.”
Lilia shushed him. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He shifted their positions so that Lilia was now sitting on the couch with one arm wrapped around Silver’s shoulder, stroking the ends of his hair. He used his free hand to wipe the tears streaming down his son’s face. “It’s okay.”
Silver just rested his head on his father’s shoulder, pressing as close as he could to him. “Why weren’t you in your room?”
His fond smile became the slightest bit strained. “I just had a bad dream. I just needed to clear my head.” Silver’s teary eyes narrowed in that way Lilia recognized as him knowing he wasn’t telling him the whole truth. He’d seen that look so many times when Silver was younger, asking about where he actually came from. It made his heart clench. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Father-”
“Truly, Silver. I don’t want you to worry-”
“What happened?”
Lilia and Silver turned to see Malleus had woken up as well. His lime green eyes were wide with panic at the sight of Silver’s tears and Lilia’s expression. Magenta eyes couldn’t help but flick between Malleus’ worried face and his broken horn. He forced a smile all the same.
“Just some bad dreams, Malleus. Nothing to worry about,” he explained.
Despite his words intending to calm him, it seemed to only make the draconic fae’s worry increase. He immediately moved to sit down on Lilia’s other side, wrapping his shawl around all three of them. “What kind of bad dreams?” he demanded.
Silver sniffled, calming himself down enough to croak, “Father wasn’t with us anymore.”
Malleus tensed, arms immediately wrapping around Lilia. He remembered that night all too well, and how grateful he was that Lilia came back to them. “He’s still here,” he assured both himself and Silver, reaching over to hold the boy’s hand. “Everything’s alright now, even if I am to blame for it not being alright for a moment.”
Lilia couldn’t help but frown. “Malleus, you shouldn’t blame yourself. I should’ve-”
He cut himself off when he saw Malleus’ eyes stare at him with shock and horror. “Do not tell me that you blame yourself for my tantrum.”
He swallowed thickly. “It was my duty to protect you.”
Tears began to form in Malleus’ eyes. “Your duty was to love us, and you followed through. It was me who was too foolish to see it.” He buried his face into Lilia’s neck, face burning with tears and shame. “I’m sorry, Lilia.”
Lilia could feel his throat start to burn. “Malleus, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“You’re the only father I’ve ever known, and I-” A sudden whimper was ripped from his throat. Silver squeezed his hand tighter. “I’m so sorry, Lilia.”
The burning sensation crept up to his eyes. “Boys…”
The three suddenly heard another pair of quiet footsteps begin to descend down the stairs. They all turned around to see Sebek clutching his blanket and pulling it close to him, hair sticking out in every direction. He froze when he saw everyone staring at him, cheeks turning pink from embarrassment. He cast his gaze to the ground.
“I, um…” he mumbled, already beginning to turn away. “I was looking for Lilia, but you’re all busy. I can come back.”
Another sob escaped Silver’s lips. “Sebek…” he pleaded.
Malleus turned to Lilia with what can only be described as puppy dog eyes. “Lilia, please? I- I can’t use my magic.”
Lilia let out a fond chuckle and waved his hand. All of a sudden, magic wrapped around Sebek and lifted him into the air. “W-wait!” he cried. “I- It’s truly fine! I can-”
“Enough of that,” Lilia scolded playfully. He guided Sebek’s body to lay across both him and Malleus, with his head resting in his lap and his legs draped across Malleus’. He began to try and smooth down Sebek’s unruly hair, fully aware that the attempt was futile. Exhaustion began to creep into his vision after casting that spell. His old age was really catching up with him. “You’ll stay here.”
“I- This isn’t- I can’t just lay across you and my lord like this!” he exclaimed, moving to swing his legs off of Malleus.
Malleus’ tail possessively curled around Sebek, forcing him to stay where he was. “Stay,” he commanded, though it sounded more like a plea than an actual order.
His face flushed from pink to a darker shade of red. “A-alright.”
Lilia couldn’t help but smile even as a few tears fell. “You all are too grown to be clinging to me like this.”
“There’s no such thing,” Malleus insisted. Sebek just curled in on himself, silently protesting Lilia’s words.
“We’re always going to need you Father,” Silver sniffled, holding onto him a little tighter.
He giggled quietly to himself, suddenly forgetting why he was so doubtful in the first place. Maybe he did make mistakes when it came to his sons, but that never shook their faith and love in him. That was made very clear as they refused to let him go. Both literally and figuratively.
As he felt their bodies slowly begin to relax, he pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads. “I will always love you boys. Remember that.”
The mug grew cold in the other room as exhaustion consumed the four Diasomnia students on the couch. They all fell back asleep peacefully, the reassurance of their love driving off any other nightmares that plagued them.