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[OBB: Shots of the Centaurs’ logo, rink with players on ice but at a distance, stalls showing uniforms hanging, their mascot in an awkward stance that only mascots can achieve, and finally, a puck going in the goal taken from behind. The words “CENSation Nation” appear as the last shot blurs. This is all overlaid with an upbeat tune that fades out as the words appear.]
Three figures stand right outside the Cens’ practice facility. All three were wearing the Cens’ hoodie but one is wearing joggers, the other is wearing questionable camo shorts, and the other is wearing sensible (???) ripped jeans. They turn around to reveal themselves as LaPointe, Young, and Holmberg. Name tags placed on the lower third of the screen show their names, positions, and jersey numbers.
Young [in the middle]: (clasps hand as he starts) What’s up CENSation Nation! It’s your boy, Noah Young…
LaPointe [to Young’s left]: Alex LaPointe!
Holmberg [to Young’s right]: and James Holmberg!
Young: And as the regular season gets closer, we’re here to find out the lore behind some of your favourite Cens players.
They are now inside the practice facility with the three walking in a long hallway to the locker room. Young is holding the mini microphone closer to his mouth.
Young: Before we get to the guys though, what’s your lore, James?
Holmberg: (takes the mic from Young to answer) My parents sent in a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Young: What?!
LaPointe: No fucking way!
Holmberg: Yeah! It was of me and my siblings faceplanting on the ice one after the other. Like a car crash basically.
Young: Wait! I think your mom showed us this video when she came over here last season.
Holmberg: Yeah, I think it was that one. The video was funny enough to air on TV but not funny enough to win the day’s prize apparently.
LaPointe: (looks and points at the camera) Cens’ editor: Roll VTR!
[The scene changes to show an old-ish video taken in the early 2000s. If the date at the bottom right of the screen doesn’t confirm it, the quality of the video will. An AFV logo can be seen on the top corner. The voiceover of Tom Bergeron saying “Well, not all encouragements should be loud.” as the video continues. It was winter and the videographer was showing an outdoor rink. There were people around but it wasn’t crowded. A five-year-old Holmberg comes into view, skating although a bit unsteadily. The videographer, who seems to be Holmberg’s mom from the voice, encourages him “There you go, Jamesy!” Holmberg, startled, trips and faceplants on ice. Before his mom could even react, his older siblings, the seven-year-old twins, came into view but couldn’t stop in time and crashed into Holmberg who was just about to get up. The twins also faceplant. Their mom can be heard saying “Oh my goodness.” as the camera turns off.]
Holmberg: So that’s my lore. What about you, Alex? What’s your lore?
LaPointe: I was on Sesame Street.
Young: Excuse me?
Holmberg: Huh??? No way!
LaPointe: I was on Sesame Street.
Holmberg: Explain!
LaPointe: I don’t know if they still do it now but when I was a kid, Sesame Street would feature kids doing random things like showing how to send a letter or introducing their best friend, et cetera. Anyway, I remember we just finished learning how to tell time in school and I told my mom I wanted to be on Sesame Street so I can teach the babies how to tell time. The next thing I know, there were like a couple of cameras at home and a couple of people asking me how to tell the time and me showing them.
Young: Oh my god. Did you get to meet Elmo?!
LaPointe: Nah. But I got official merch and stuff, including a Sesame Street t-shirt that I wore everywhere.
Holmberg: Ahh! Stop, stop, stop. (looks and points at camera) Roll VTR!!!
[The words “We couldn’t get PBS’ permission in time to include the clip but here is some photo evidence.” appear on screen. A photo of a young LaPointe holding a clock in one hand and a Sesame Street TV slate with the episode details on the other; a couple of cameras can be seen behind him. A photo of LaPointe proudly wearing the Sesame Street T-shirt. A photo of LaPointe and other kids in front of the TV watching that episode; he was on the screen.]
LaPointe: Soooo if you are a couple of years younger than me and used to watch Sesame Street, I may have just taught you how to tell time.
The camera zooms in a bit on Young as LaPointe was speaking. Just as he finished talking, a lightbulb moment hit Young, shown by an actual light bulb graphic on screen and an audio depicting an idea. The camera zooms out just in time for Young to say something.
Young: (smirking) Interesting. Didn’t your ex break up with you because you’re always late?
LaPointe’s head swiveled so fast to Young’s direction that the audience could be forgiven for thinking he was going to break his neck. Holmberg, who took that moment to take a sip of his water, started sputtering and coughing.
LaPointe: Man. F—
[Cut. Cutouts of the three’s heads taken from somewhere (L-R: LaPointe mid-cringe; Young mid-shout; and Holmberg with his eyes closed) were on the screen, swaying slightly from side-to-side as some kind of ‘elevator music’ came on. The words “We’ll be right back.” appear below their faces.]
The screen is filled with the three again, but this time, LaPointe has Young in a pseudo-headlock, and Holmberg is wiping his face.
LaPointe: Okay, but you haven’t told us your lore, Young.
Young: Mine’s not much. Just me getting lost in a mall and Celine Dion being my saviour.
Holmberg: No, she wasn’t!
LaPointe: (lets go of Young to look at him properly) Shut the f*** up! Was she really?
Young: Okay, I was eight and we were in Las Vegas for a vacation. This was around 2007? Anyway, we were in a mall and I got lost. Went to check something out, turned around, and poof my parents were not there anymore. I was about to cry and this nice lady wearing these big sunglasses – who I later learned was Ms Dion – found me and helped me find my parents. She even got me ice cream while we were waiting for my parents to come pick me up. I remember she also had two big guys with her at the time but they kind of stayed back.
LaPointe: Nah. You met Canadian royalty just like that??? Nahhh
Young: (rolls his eyes) Oh my god. Fine, here’s a photo!
[A photo of an eight-year-old Young with his ice cream, oblivious to what is going on. His parents were on either side of him while Celine Dion was in the middle. Her security detail was trying to be inconspicuous behind them all.]
The guys are now in the locker room with some of the Centaurs still around. They go up to Luca Haas who was putting on his shirt, giving a glimpse of his muscled torso that may or may not cause a mild meltdown in any online spaces. A name tag showing Haas’ name, position, and jersey number showed up at the bottom.
Young: Luca.
Haas: (wary and side-eyeing the three) Hey guys.
Holmberg: Haasy, what’s your lore?
Haas: That I draw?
Young: Oh my god, that’s so boring. You’re a great artist but we all know about this!
LaPointe: Yeah! What’s something people will find very surprising about you?
Haas: Hmm okay maybe that as a back up, I applied to art schools and I got several offer letters? I got a full-ride scholarship for a prestigious art school in London.
A chorus of oohs and aahs were heard as the people in the locker room were genuinely impressed.
Hayes: (off-screen at first but the camera quickly swings to his direction) And you turned that down? A full-ride scholarship? To a prestigious art school?
Haas: Yeah, well, I got drafted.
Holmberg: (almost at the same time as Luca; holding his phone up) wait wait wait, I’m searching it up and according to the QS World University Rankings, the top two art schools are in London. Are you saying one of these schools gave you a full-ride scholarship?!
Young: (grabbing Holmberg’s phone) Are you saying you almost went to Royal College of Art?!
Haas: No. That would be ridiculous. They don’t offer undergraduate programmes.
The three just stared at him, willing him to answer.
Haas: (sighing) It’s University of the Arts London.
LaPointe: Yeah so not the top 1 because they don’t offer undergrad degrees but the top 2 in the world instead. Right right right.
Young: Oh my god. And we get your drawings for free? You could’ve been the next Michaelangelo! Leonardo! Donatello! Raphael!
A balled up sock entered the screen, barely missing Young’s head.
Young: (looks at the direction of the thrower) Hey!
The camera swings again but this time to show Boyle.
Boyle: You just named those four artists because you know them from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
The camera swings back to Young.
Young: I am cultured, too!
Boyle: If you’re really cultured, what’s Donatello’s full name?
Young: (oozing confidence) Donatello Versace.
[Cut. A cutout of Young’s head taken from somewhere (same as the one from before but bigger now) was on the screen, swaying slightly from side-to-side as some kind of ‘elevator music’ came on. The words “We’ll be right back.” appear below his face.]
The video returns, this time with Young sprawled on the floor and Boyle on top of him in a loose MMA headlock. He could’ve escaped anytime but found the floor comfortable. LaPointe and Holmberg sat on the stalls nearest to them. The rest of the locker room continued with their business as if this was a regular occurrence. Boyle’s name tag with his details appeared somewhere on the screen.
Young: Okay old man–
LaPointe: Bro he’s literally got you in a headlock.
Young: Okay, Boyle, sweetie pie, apple of our eyes. What’s your lore?
Boyle: I’m confirming that lore means something about me that people might find surprising, yes?
Young: You’re really making it hard for me not to call you old again.
Boyle: I can still tighten this headlock.
Young: You are still so young and beautiful and your joints do not ache at all in wintertime.
Boyle: Hmmm thought so. Anyway, my definition of lore is correct, yes?
LaPointe: You are correct, papi!
Boyle lets go of Young and sits down on the floor. Young remained sprawled on the floor. Somebody’s legs and feet can be seen crossing over him.
Boyle: Well, Dolly Parton is my godmother. Gave me my first pair of skates and all.
It was quiet for a second and then pandemonium. The camera zoomed out frantically to show different reactions.
Bood: F–. Off.
Hazy: No, she’s not! Stop lying!
Barrett: Really? The Queen of Country? THAT Dolly Parton?
Rozanov: (a bit off-screen and not as loud as the rest) Moya lyubov, who is Dolly Parton?
Hollander: (totally off-screen) YOU’re asking ME?
Haas: (can be seen on the screen) Uhmm, she sang 9-5? Jolene?
Rozanov: Ahh yes, Jolene. She sang this? Played this a lot in 2016.
The camera goes back to focusing on Boyle and the trio.
Holmberg: How even?
Boyle: Nothing much to it. My momma and Dolly were each other’s first ever neighbours and friends in Nashville. This was back in the 60s and they’ve been close since. I was an only child and a miracle baby – my momma literally got pregnant with me just as they thought they wouldn’t have any children, they were in their late 40s by then. And well, I was special so my godmother had to be special, too…(shrugs)
LaPointe: You are so special to us, old man (smooches Boyle loudly on the cheeks)
Boyle was unfazed; he just sat there grinning as LaPointe kissed him. In fact, the whole locker room is unfazed with the display of affection with some even agreeing with LaPointe how special Boyle is to them.
Young: (gasps, suddenly scrambling to sit up straight and face Boyle) This means you are godsiblings with Miley Cyrus?!
Boyle: Yeah, I guess you could say that? We pretty much see each other during Dolly’s birthday celebrations if we make it and she’s got my twins their first drums. (stares at the camera) Thanks for that, Miley. (turns back to Young) We exchange Christmas cards, too.
Young: Wait–weren’t WE in the Boyles’ Christmas cards last year? You mean to tell me that somewhere in Miley Cyrus’ house is a picture of me?!
Holmberg: Bruh chill. The card was standard-sized and it was a team photo. You were a pixel.
Young: A pixel of ME exists in Miley Cyrus’ house?!
Boyle stares at the camera as if he was in The Office.
[Cut. A picture of a young Boyle with his first pair of skates and Dolly hugging him as he sat on her lap, both were not looking at the camera and Boyle was mid-talk as he pointed out parts of the skates. A picture of an older Boyle – but still a kid – and a young Miley Cyrus in matching Christmas sweater pajamas standing in front of Dolly Parton. The setting is clearly inside a house on a Christmas morning. Both of them were showing off the toys they got as gifts while Dolly looked on from her seat. Next is another photo with Boyle and his wife from only a few years ago with Dolly in the middle during her birthday celebration.]
LaPointe is now seated next to Zane. Holding the mini microphone like it’s an official press conference. Bood’s name tag with his details appeared next to him on the screen.
LaPointe: A. C.
Boodram: Poin. Ty.
LaPointe: What’s your lore?
Boodram: I was in a dance crew back in high school. We were called Dance Royalty.
A cacophony of half-impressed noises and half-disbelieving ones can be heard but the camera stayed on Bood and LaPointe.
Rozanov: (slowly appearing from below the camera and stopped when all there is is his face) Bood should show everyone his skills, yes? (turns his head to look behind him) Come on, Boodram! Show everyone!
Boodram: (shows off his knee wrapped in a knee support) No thanks, I’m trying to make sure the knee makes it through the season.
Rozanov: (blows a raspberry at Zane then turns to the camera again) Like this video if you want to see Bood show off his skills next summer!
[Cut. The distinct quality of a flip phone camera filled the screen as an old video started playing. It was taken during what looks like a school assembly. Chants of “Royalty” filled the screen. The first beats of Low by Flo Rida feat. T-Pain (which was remixed with sound effects) came on and the cheers got louder. The dancing went on for a few seconds and on a beat drop, one of the dancers from the back of the formation was tossed to the front, landing perfectly with one knee on the floor and looking down before getting back up to continue dancing. The videographer zoomed in at that moment and was heard saying, “That’s my Zane!” It might have been Cassie. The video was cut there.]
Holmberg was now seated next to Troy who, like Luca earlier, was just putting on his shirt, giving everyone a good eyeful of his abs. He wasn’t paying attention though, as the shirt blocked his view. Holmberg was looking at Troy’s abs, felt along his own, and then frowned.
Holmberg: Man, you gotta tell me what you do to get those abs.
Barrett: (jumping out of his skin) Geez! When did you get there?
Troy’s name tag with his details was then displayed on the screen next to him.
Holmberg: (shrugs) What’s your lore, Barry?
Barrett: Barry?! What the f***
Holmberg: (shrugs again) So?
Barrett: (side-eyed Holmberg for a couple of seconds before answering) I could sing.
Holmberg: But Barry…you do not know any songs.
Barrett: F– you, Bergy. I know some.
Holmberg: Fine. Sing us a song.
[Cut. Once again, the heads of LaPointe, Young, and Holmberg are on the screen, swaying side-to-side as elevator music comes on. The words “We’ll be right back” were under their heads.]
A guitar has now magically appeared with Troy. He’s sitting down while the rest of the Cens can be seen on the side with their phone flashlights on except Ilya who had his lighter on.
Barrett: For Harris.
The Cens screamed like the fanboys they were as the first chords of Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth feat. Meghan Trainor came on. As Troy sang, a cutout of Harris’ head showed up on screen. It was playfully pouty, his eyes were closed, and a hand was brought up to his ear tucking imaginary locks behind them. A drawn-on blush also appeared on his cheeks. Troy had a very good singing voice.
As Troy finished, the Cens clapped wildly with some starting a “Barry” chant.
Rozanov: (off-screen but it seemed like he’s next to the camera because his voice can still be heard) Of course he would dedicate sex song to Harris!
Hollander: (also off-screen but his voice was a bit more distant) Hey, how come you never dedicated a sex song to me?
Rozanov: Wha–
[Cut.]
Young is back on the screen with Wyatt now. Wyatt’s name tag with his details appeared on the screen.
Young: You think you can beat Barry’s lore?
Hayes: What? The guy who I’m sure some singers now are glad focused on hockey instead of music? I don’t think so.
Young: Hmm. I think you’re too humble, Hazy.
Hayes: (raises his brows) What do you mean?
Young: I think your lore is big enough.
Hayes: What do you know?
Young: I know a thing or two. Why don’t you tell our audience?
Hayes: Dora Winifred?
Young: (nodding) Correct.
Hayes: How did you even— Whatever. (turns to the camera) I had looooots of energy to burn off as a kid and so, apart from hockey, my parents would sign me up for random activities. Basically anything that could fill in the gaps hockey left. One of those activities was voice over classes. I would have done theatre but the schedule clashed with hockey training days so (shrugs). Anyway apparently I was good enough that the instructor pulled me aside and encouraged me to audition for V.O. work. He had contact with some PBS people and told me they’re holding auditions for different cartoon characters. I did some reading and was selected to voice Dora Winifred Read.
LaPointe: (seemingly appearing out of nowhere) Bro what?! DW?! You voiced DW?!
Hayes: Yeah for like a few years until my voice started cracking ‘cos of puberty and hockey was becoming more real by the minute. My mom only really allowed me to do it because it was finally the one activity that brings us money.
LaPointe: So you mean to tell me that the whole time I was watching Arthur as a kid, I was hearing the voice of my future teammate and MLH’s future all-star goalie yelling "That would be a thoughtful thing to ask IF THERE WAS A BABY HERE!"
Holmberg: (popping up much like LaPointe) "Francine, can I ask you a question? Why don't you go back to your own house and stop bothering us?"
Young: “That sign doesn’t stop me because I don’t know how to read!”
LaPointe: You’re the reason my generation is so sassy!
Hayes: Jesus. Cool it with the old people references. I don’t even remember which lines I recorded. It’s been a while and there were so many. Also, I was, like, the third or fourth kid to take over the role so you might be quoting the earlier ones.
Young: Still very iconic.
LaPointe: A Canadian icon.
Boodram: (off-screen at first but the camera swings to show him) We just started showing Arthur to Milo. Gonna need to figure out which episodes you’re in. Might buy the physical copies later.
Hayes: I think I have some copies of my episodes. I’ll have to look in the attic.
Rozanov: (partially seen at first as he was sitting next to Zane but the camera pans over to him as he started speaking to show that he was on his phone while Shane was looking over his shoulder) Hazy, tell me you will dress up as this character for Halloween this year, yes? Or I will not let you enter my house for party.
Hayes: Sure, but you buy the costume, then.
Rozanov: (turns to his husband) Shane?
Shane, without a word, took out his phone and was on it for a while, presumably to look for the costume. The video fast-forwarded a few seconds until it went back to its original pace.
Hollander: (turns his phone around to show the room) Done. Ordered. I don’t know if Lisa would like it but I also ordered the Arthur one for her just in case.
[Cut. A photo of a young Hayes filled the screen. He was in a recording booth, wide-smiled and giving a thumbs up. Another one was him in the same booth, taken on the same day. He looks like he was mid-delivering his lines as he focused on the paper in front of him. The last photo is a screenshot of an Arthur episode. It was the episode credits and Wyatt’s name was circled.]
The screen is now showing the trio seated next to Ilya and Shane. Young was next to Ilya with LaPointe on his right. Holmberg was next to Shane. The name tags for Shane and Ilya are displayed next to them.
Young: And now we’re here with the greatest of all time, the living legend, and possibly sexiest man alive forever.
The viewers could see Ilya puff up bigger as Young kept the descriptions coming.
Young: Next to him is Ottawa Centaurs Captain Ilya Rozanov.
Ilya was flabbergasted. Shane practically fell off his stall laughing so hard. The whole locker room was in chaos.
[Cut. Cutouts of the three’s heads taken from somewhere were on the screen, swaying slightly from side-to-side as some kind of ‘elevator music’ came on. The words “We’ll be right back.” appear below their faces.]
A shot of Ilya and Shane talking without the trio next to them can be seen when the video continues. Ilya had his arms crossed while glaring at somebody off-camera while Shane was turned to his side, arms around Ilya’s mid-riff, and head on his husband’s nearest shoulder.
Hollander: Baby–
Rozanov: No, Shane. I’m his captain. He should respect me.
Hollander: And Young does! But, you know, he’s, well, young.
Rozanov: Not young enough that he knows not to call you sexy in front of me!
Hollander: Baby, so many people call me sexy.
Rozanov: Because you are! But not in front of me.
Hollander: Ilya.
A few more seconds of grumbling can be heard but eventually, Ilya sighed and deflated. Shane rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek.
The video quickly cuts and when it comes back, the trio are back to sitting with the two, much like the earlier shot. However, Young was now on the furthest spot from his captain.
Holmberg: So Cap, and Hollzy, what are your lores?
Rozanov: I have many lores but I think me falling in love with freckled boy in parking lot in Saskatchewan is most important lore.
Shane’s smile was small but the blush currently blooming on his cheeks was becoming more prominent by the second. Some teasing ‘oohs’ can be heard.
Hayes: (the camera pans over to him) Saskatchewan? You’ve never played there! When was this?
Rozanov: Yes, I have! In 2008!
Boodram: (the camera pans over to him) No f–ing way were you in love with Hollzy since 2008!
Rozanov: (rolls eyes) Of course, I was! Have you seen Shane Hollander? My husband?
Haas: (the camera pans over to him) Cap. Cap. Are you really saying you met Hollzy in 2008 and fell in love?
Rozanov: Yes! Is what I have been saying! Took me a while to realise but yes!
Holmberg: Hollzy, have you also been in love with Cap since 2008?
Hollander: Yeah. Saw a guy smoking in a non-smoking area in 2008 and then introduced myself.
LaPointe: Are you saying you hit on Cap first?!
Young: But Cap, you’ve been telling us that you’re the one to hit Hollzy up.
Rozanov: That’s just introducing himself. Not really hitting me up. I hit on him in Toronto. Arranged a CCM commercial and everything before rookie season.
Haas: (gasps) Oh mein Gott! I can’t believe the Tumblr people were right! (the camera pans over to him and zooms in on the blush that came up when he realised what he said)
Young: Luca! What Tumblr people?
Haas: Oh uhm…basically…a portion of the Internet had been speculating about Cap and Hollzy since their rookie season with some saying it started at that CCM commercial.
LaPointe: A portion, huh? And you’re not a part of that portion?
Haas: No! I get that the rivalry was fuel to fire for the Hollanov truthers–
Hollander: Hollanov truthers?
Haas: Yes. Hollander. Rozanov. It’s what they called themselves.
Hollander: You said a portion of the Internet. How big is this portion?
Haas: Well, not much. Others mostly made fun of them for thinking you two were together. But I guess they won the shipping war.
Rozanov: I have a message for the Hollanov truthers. (the camera focuses on him and an emotional music starts playing in the background) You are best people on this Earth and you can never do wrong. To all the shippers: believe in your dreams!
Hollander: (on his phone, reading something with a frown on his face) Uhm Ilya. Even the ones who ship me with Hayden?
Rozanov: (turns to look at his husband so quickly) WHAT?!
[Cut. A photo of Team Canada and Team Russia against each other in 2008 was shown on the screen. It was an action shot taken at the same time as a young Hollander was speeding away with the puck and a young Rozanov hot on his heels. Another photo came up, this time with the teams in line shaking hands. The photo was taken at the exact same moment young Shane and Ilya shook hands while looking at each other. The last photo was Shane and Ilya’s first CCM photoshoot but they were mid-laugh.]
LaPointe, Young, and Holmberg are back outside.
LaPointe: And there you go, CENSation Nation! I hope you enjoyed a little glimpse of some of our members’ lores.
Holmberg: And, if you haven’t yet, purchase this season’s tickets through the details below (gestures at the lower third of the screens where a link appears).
Young: You can also see the Cens’ schedule on our website. See you on our first game of the season on October 7!
The three waved to the camera before the camera cut.
Hayes: (in voice over mode) Next on CENSation Nation.
The camera was on Shane, looking like his usual PR-trained self, standing in the hallway outside of the locker room.
Holmberg: What’s your villain arc, Hollzy?
Shane was about to answer, no doubt to give some PR-trained answer, when suddenly his mood shifts and he glared past the camera.
Rozanov: (off-screen at first) Moy lyubimyy~
The camera turns to Ilya, smiling widely. The people around him can be heard gasping as Ilya Rozanov in a buzz cut can be seen for the first time in his glory. The camera quickly turns to Shane again, who is now resembling a very angry kitten.
[Cut.]
Screenshots of the memorable highlights of the video appeared as a slide show while the credits rolled. The 1-second jingle 🎶CEN-sa-TION nayyyTION🎶, sung acapella by LaPointe, Young, and Holmberg quickly came on as the Centaurs logo appeared last.
🏒2481🏒 ily @ShaneHollanderDefender
Shut up my fave show is on!!!
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↳@rozycheeks: oh my god so much lore!!!
Shane Rozanov || Ilya Hollander @hollaonmyroza
holy shit the Cens are like a team of celebrities???
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↳@sheilasellsseashellsbytheseashore: this video has everything: AFV entries, Celine Dion, dancing, singing, Miley Cyrus, and Dolly!
Merry Go-Rondo @merrygorounddd
Bergy in AFV?! What???
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↳@xxCentsxx: Bergy looking at Troy’s abs is sending me!
↳↳@dancepuppet: Calling him Barry was a killer move
↳↳↳@merrygorounddd: The boy contains multitudes!
TWICE||CENS||SPN||SB19 @fangirlonthemain
LaPointe being so proud of his stint in Sesame Street as the kid who showed other kids how to tell time only for Young to spill that he was dumped ‘cos he’s always late hahahahahahaha
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↳@juliewuzhere:
Jamie Bass @jamie.bass
Young being found by Celine Dion and then years later going to the Cens, arguably the queerest team in the league, is just a self-fulfilling prophecy atp
Peachy Pie @peachtartgoodness
Excuse me??? Luca’s art skills are good enough to get him a full-ride in UAL??? I’m dead I’m dead
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↳@rex123: Luca Haas was definitely in intensive hockey training plus working on that portfolio for UAL? Yeah no, that man did not get enough sleep as a teen.
↳↳@hotsingleinyourarea: He was also on tumblr enough to know about Hollanov…
↳↳↳@rex123: Yeah…he got zero sleep
Sam loves hockey @SamHockey
Daaaamn Luca's abs are 🤤 🤤 🤤
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↳@Haasyfanclub:
Tristan is thirstin! @tristan1717
LMAO Boyle headlocking Young was so funny
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↳@Cents4Sense: Young in death’s (Boyle) door (Boyle’s headlock) taunting him (calling Boyle old)
Chelsea says yes! @chelsontheroad
ARE WE GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT DOLLY PARTON OUR QUEEN IS BOYLE’S GODMOTHER???
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↳@xxCentsxx: and that he apparently has a close enough friendship with Miley that they exchange gifts and cards?!
ASDF G. HJKL the third @asdfghjkl
Wait wait wasn’t it Boyle who rocked Gagnon’s shit out last year?
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↳@seriouslyserious: Oh man, that was also Boyle’s first ever misconduct penalty. It was heavily implied that it was ‘cos Gagnon kept spouting homophobic and racial slurs on the ice the whole time.
↳↳@hockeygirl24: So the Dolly Parton moving to Nashville and fuck ass Gagnon getting his shit rocked is a pipeline I’ll never ever think about in a million years.
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↳@lovergirlxoxo: God works in mysterious ways. Dolly our angel we love you: Beating up homophobes and racists by proxy!
Hollanov adopt me! @MiaHollanov
Roz singing Jolene in 2016. Hollander dating Rose Landry in 2016. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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↳@shanesfreckles: fuck offfffffffff is Rose Landry JOLENE?!
Shane is a cutie pie @shaneyshimmeringsplendid
Shane not knowing who Dolly Parton is……….have I finally found Shane Hollander’s one bad thing??? 😩
Hockey on 3! @hockeypucks123
I also wish to have a pixel of me in Miley Cyrus’ house.
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↳@foreveryoung: SEE! YOU GET IT! 🫵
Not Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter @applemartini
Oh gosh! Went to the same high school as Boodram (I was in a year below) and I remembered seeing Dance Royalty perform for the first time! They were so cool!
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↳@christysteves: Oh hey! Fellow alum! Dance Royalty was like the height of coolness back then!
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↳@BethMarch: They all had nicknames before too! Bood’s was Zaney B if I wasn’t mistaken.
↳↳↳@applemartini: Yes yes! Others were like The Jester, King Mandy, Iconic Spades and so many more. Man what a time!
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↳@scienceandsports: I remember watching them compete in inter-school dance comps! It was like seeing Step Up in real time!
[Photo of Dance Royalty with a gold trophy. A young Bood was at the back throwing a peace sign and smiling widely.]
Stanning CUP WINNERS!!! @ottawadefender
Much as I would like to see Bood dance now, I would much like to see a SECOND CUP IN A ROW CENS!!! BOODRAM YOU BETTER PAMPER THAT KNEE!!!
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↳@BoodsFoods: yes’m! 🫡
Mia wants to play hockey @getthepuck
Barry’s such a great singer! Harris you lucky man!
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↳@harrisdrover: [Photo of the same head cutout as in the video]
Just a fan @averagehockeyplayer
Somebody give Barry a record deal!!!
Been giving and now I get to receive @cens12345
Ready for October 7!
[Photo of a Cens jersey. The letters E-T-T had been taken off and replaced by a Y and some musical notes and an apple to even it out.]
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↳@ottawacitiCENs: Yo! I might need to do this as well!
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↳@hockeypucks123: Ahh! we had the same idea!
Troy Barrett #17 @troybarrett
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↳@harrisdrover: Embrace it, Barry! ♥️💙💚
↳↳@troybarrett:
Shane said hi to me that one time @hollaatyourander
lmaooo Hollander asking Roz where’s his sex song? Get that man’s ass!!!
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↳@ShaneHollanderDefender: Shane Hollander was put to this earth for three things: to play good hockey, love Rozanov, and humble Rozanov
↳↳@hollaatyourander: not Shane liking that tweet! 🤣🤣🤣
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↳@hollan0visreal: We can’t even turn it around and ask Hollz what Roz’s sex song is because that man does not know any song 😩
Mildred Hudson @mildred
Wyatt Hayes!!! Front and centre!!!
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↳@superwyatt: yes?
↳↳@mildred: DW?! DORA WINIFRED READ?!
↳↳↳@superwyatt:
Anna Diaz @annadiaz11
Ohh look at me I’m Wyatt Hayes: I’m an all-star goalie in a cup-winning team. I don’t have to defend against Hollanov during games anymore. I voiced D.W. Read as a kid. Man fuck you!
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↳@superwyatt: Please add me being married to Dr Lisa Hayes as part of that.
↳↳@annadiaz11:
Just a girl standing in front of the rink shouting GET IT IN THE NET @hockeylovergirl
Okay how did Young even know about the D.W. thing?
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↳@foreveryoung: I was bored one time and Googled my teammates. Did you know that Coach was in a Sears catalogue as a kid?
↳↳ @hockeylovergirl:Oh okay so like not only are the Cens cup winners, you guys are all just very handsome?!
↳↳↳@foreveryoung: 🤷
Coach Brandon Wiebe @bwiebeOTT ✅
It was 1989 and my parents agreed so I could buy my first pair of professional skates.
[Photo of him in an all-denim outfit along with a couple of other kids his age. Details of the outfit they wore can be partially seen on the side.]
My client is innocent! @ilyarozanovsagent
Rozanov being pissed because somebody called his husband hot to his face hahaahahha
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↳@xxilyaxx: call shane, his rival, the goat and a living legend to Roz's face? whatever.
call shane, his husband, sexy?! to his face?! oh nah nah nah Rozanov the Russian Terminator is here and will kick your ass.
Hollander-Rozanov is real!!!!!!! @hollanovsupremacy
The “Ilya” from Shane is ouuuuu
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↳@hockeygetinme: walk him like a dog sir!
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↳@chloeloeloe: 🥵🥵🥵
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↳@caljohnson: ok but Ilya getting Shane to buy the DW costume for Hazy and Shane just wordlessly doing it? mmmmmmm
Any and every news about our favourite couple @ShaneandIlyaUpdates
2008???? 2008?????? hello?????????
Not that Naomi @naomicampbell7
holy fuck Hollanov has been a thing FROM THE START???
Anya Hollander-Rozanova is my president @24811434ever
They were in love here 🥹
[Screenshot of a young Hollander was speeding away with the puck and a young Rozanov hot on his heels]
Monty Carlo Smith @montycarlo
Oh man, these two married their teenage sweethearts!
[Photo of Shane and Ilya during their wedding]
Porter P. Jones @WellthatsaPorterpotty
So if this has been going on since 2008 then…
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↳@ShaneandIlyasPRTeam4real: those saying they threw games for each other are duuuuuummmmmbbbbbbb
↳↳@hollanovsh00ter: @MontrealMetros @MLH @RogerCrowellOfficial
↳↳↳@WellthatsaPorterpotty: lmaooo not the tags bb grl!
CENs the beginning @solidCENs
lmaooo the next video about to be good!!! We finally get to know what’s up with buzzed!Ilya
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↳@thegoodDonald: oh man i still remember being jumpscared when i saw this
[Photo of buzz cut Ilya papped while out on dinner with Yuna]
July August September @julyfields
lmaooo that last shot of Hollander
Elijah Torre @eli2312012
me 8 minutes ago: oh lmao what a nice and funny video of some of the Cens and their lores ha ha.
me now: (screaming crying throwing up) Hollanov are each other’s first loves??? 🥹🥹🥹
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↳@lola000: man, imagine all the yearning and long distance and xvgsjhajhjghdjhabc i cant im too soft for this
Hurricane Katrina more like Hurricane Tortilla @tortillafan
Luca Haas. You didn’t answer the question: If you didn’t ship Hollanov, who did you ship?
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↳@LucaHaasMLH: I am not answering this question because I value my life.
MELtifandom @melanie1100
Freshly made gif! Get your freshly made gif!
[A gif of Luca saying oh mein Gott with subtitles]
Hollanov till I die @RozHollz
I KNEW IT!!! That CCM commercial was (close to) the start!!!
Hollanov HQ @HollanovNation
Let me tell you as a Hollanov truther since 2010, that day in March 2021 was simultaneously the happiest and saddest day of our lives!
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↳@Shilya_News: yes correct! on one hand, my SHIP IS REAL!!! on the other hand, i found out ‘cos they got outed.
↳↳@hollanovbaby: fucking brad
↳↳↳@Shilya_News: fuck brad!!!