Chapter Text
Imagine Me & You
This is a mistake. This is a mistake. This. Is. A. Mistake.
The words repeat like a mantra in Alex Danvers' head as she paces her dressing room, kicking up the skirt of the ridiculously expensive wedding dress she's wearing. Her hands reach automatically for the top of her head to pull at her hair, before remembering the countless hours her hairdresser had spent working on her curls for the wedding.
The Wedding.
The very thought of that word makes Alex's heart pound in her chest and her breath begins to shorten as she sits down, heavily, in her vanity chair. The fluffy skirt makes it almost impossible and she finds herself wanting to tear the thing off and run, naked, from the church altogether. Why is she even getting married in a church? She's Jewish. She should be in a temple or something.
"Alex?" There's a knock at her door and Alex groans, hanging her head. "Alex, it's Kara." Her baby sister. "Are you okay? Everybody's waiting for you. Dad is ready to take you down the aisle." Alex doesn't answer. The door creaks open. "Alex?"
"I'm fine," Alex sighs, looking up to meet her sister's reflection in the mirror. Kara's eyebrows are knitted in concern and her lips are twisted as she eyes Alex warily. Alex offers her a half-hearted grin of amusement. "You look like a sour grape." Kara immediately frowns at that.
"You're the one that chose this color," she argues, looking down at the horrific yellow-green bridesmaid dress. It was shiny and had an empire waist and it made her look like a cartoon alien.
"Actually," Alex laughs, standing up, "Max chose the color. And the dress. And the...everything." His money had paid for the entire affair, after all. It had saved the Danvers a fortune and Eliza had been grateful for that. She loves Max. So of course Alex had let him decide everything, from the caterers to the florist, to the shoes that are currently pinching her feet and the ridiculously feathery dress.
But now...nothing is in her control. Alex likes control--thrives on it--but she never feels like she's in control with Max. At first, that was one of the things she'd loved about being with him. It was so relaxing to not be in control for once; to let somebody else take the reigns. He'd ordered for her on their first date and she'd loved what he chosen. He'd picked out the furniture in their first apartment and she had to admit that it was actually all very nice and comfortable and homey. So when he'd asked her to marry him, it just seemed like the next logical step. Obviously, Max knows her. He knows every part of her and he loves her, doesn't he? What reason would she have had to say no?
Other than the overwhelming panic she feels every time she thinks about this wedding and the fact that she's about to be tied down to one man for the rest of her life and this is a mistake. Alex begins to hyperventilate again and Kara rushes to her side, pushing her back down to sit and forcing her head between her knees as she rubs Alex's back.
"Breathe, Alex," she says. "Just breathe." Alex tries to copy Kara as she takes a deep breath in and then lets it slowly out between her lips. They do this several more times before Kara pulls her back up. "Feel better?"
No. "Yeah," Alex lies. "Yeah. I just...I think I have a bad case of cold feet, is all. I'll be fine." I hope.
"You ready to go out there now?" Kara asks. "Because we could wait, if you want."
"No," Alex sighs, trying to keep her breathing even as she stands, wincing at the pinchy shoes. "I'm ready. I can do this." She frowns, looking at Kara. "I can do this, can't I?"
Her sister gives her a soft smile--all of Kara's smiles are soft, but this one in particular--and nods. "Of course you can," she says. "And I'll be right there with you."
That does give Alex a bit of comfort and she feels her shoulders relax a little bit as she hugs Kara, pressing her lips to her sister's temple. "I love you," she whispers in Kara's ear. "So much."
"I love you, too," Kara whispers back, her arms tight around Alex's waist. Kara's hugs are the best. They're the only hugs that Alex really likes, besides her parents' and, occasionally, Lucy's--but only when they've been drinking.
She doesn't like it when Max hugs her, but Alex pushes that thought aside as she squares her shoulders and pulls out of the comfort and safety of Kara's arms. "Let's do this," she says, as if about to embark on some kind of undercover operation. Kara smiles brightly at her as she takes Alex's hand and they walk out of the dressing room to meet her father and Lucy outside the chapel.
For his part, Jeremiah Danvers hadn't been too upset to find out that his firstborn daughter wouldn't be having a traditional Jewish wedding and had understood that Max was more or less agnostic. The only reason they were getting married in a church chapel, Max had reasoned, was because it had been the best wedding venue available in the city, and the most picturesque.
Alex has to agree with that.
As she walks down the aisle, holding her silently weeping father's arm (big softy), and following along after her sister and best friend from college, Lucy Lane, she marvels at the stained glass windows and the way light filters in through them, setting the entire room aglow with colors. Max had chosen the perfect time of day for this, too, it seems; even if Alex had taken her sweet time getting here. As her eyes scan the room, Alex can see several of her family members sitting on the left side of the room. Her aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins from both sides of her parents family. Winn Schott, her honorary little brother--who had started as Kara's best friend in high school--and James Olsen, who had his camera trained on her. He and Lucy had been a thing for a couple of years and that had been long enough to integrate him into her life before they broke up. He'd even offered to do the wedding photography for free and Max had, of course, taken him up on it.
Though Alex knows that he would have paid any price to land James Olsen as his photography was some of the best in the country. The fact that he was willing to do it for the price of cake and some fancy steak was just a bonus.
There isn't much family on Max's side--his parents had died when he was in his early teens, leaving him to be raised by the teachers of his boarding school until his trust fund kicked in at age 17--but he has plenty of friends and business associates. Cat Grant--Kara's boss--sits in the second row on his side, a pair of oversized sunglasses and a prim smile on her face. Her hands are folded in her lap and she oozes confidence--just like Kara has always said.
Alex's mother is in the front row, blowing her nose as she greets them and gives Alex a kiss. Alex smiles and brushes a stray tear from Eliza's cheek with the pad of her thumb. It only causes Eliza to produce more.
"Who gives this woman to this man?" the officiant asks, looking between the three of them.
Alex resists the urge to roll her eyes.
"Her mother and I do," Jeremiah tells him, squeezing Alex's hand. She forces a smile and leans in to kiss his cheek, leaving a small smudge of lipstick. He doesn't seem to mind.
Jeremiah lets go of Alex's hand and watches her ascend the two tiny steps it takes for her to be right in front of Max. She hands the bouquet of gardenias and lillies--a beautiful arrangement, she has to admit, if a bit lacking in color--to Kara and receives a blinding smile in return, before she even looks at her fiance. Max gives her that charming, ruggedly handsome smirk of his--the same smile he'd given her the day he asked for her number at Noonan's--and mouths a quick hello.
Alex feels the panic begin to rise in her throat, but forces the smile to remain on her lips as she mouths hello back and then turns to give her attention to the officiant.
"Dearly beloved..." he begins and Alex tries to keep her breathing even as she listens, half-heartedly, and her eyes resume their slow scan around the vast chapel. She runs over the list of events that Max had told her would follow the ceremony.
1. James will take their photos. First, of their first kiss as husband and wife; a given. Second, of them with their small but intimate wedding party. Alex just has Kara and Lucy and Max just has some old buddy from college that Alex had never even met or heard of before their engagement. She assumes they're close if he's Max's Best Man. Third, a photo with their new "family"; Alex's family, mostly. Fifth, some glamour shots outside the chapel, then some inside their waiting limo, then some a few blocks away at the catering hall. Hopefully, James will tire by that time and allow them to get through the rest of the day in peace.
2. Their reception, where they will have their first dance as husband and wife and eat dinner together and eventually shove cake in each other's faces and drink champagne (plenty of champagne) and just be in love. (Because they are in love, Alex chides herself gently. You love this man.) Lucy and Kara will probably get some kind of group dance song to play and tug her into it with them. They'll make fools of themselves and it will be fun because it's Lucy and Kara--her two favorite people in the whole wide world. She'll share a dance with her father and maybe one with her mother. She'll definitely dance with Kara and thank her for all her love and support, because Kara deserves to be thanked. She'll toss her bouquet and Max will toss her garter and it'll be so much fun. Then they'll leave and...
3. They'll have their wedding night.
That last part will not be Alex's favorite. She's never liked being intimate with any man--not even Max--and her fiance has understood that for the most part. They're able to exist without sex. They have their own lives and careers to keep them busy and they have an understanding that sexual intimacy is not what's important in their relationship. They're both intelligent, kind-hearted people and they can exist without it.
But it's their wedding night and there's some kind of unspoken contract on wedding nights. They'll be intimate and Alex makes sure to have plenty of champagne and make a few visits to the open bar to prepare herself. It's not like they've never had sex before, anyway; she's just always been a few drinks in when they have. It should help.
She hopes it will help.
4. Tomorrow, they will go on their honeymoon. She's not sure where, exactly. She'd given Max the choice and told him to surprise her. He knows what she likes and knows that she's only got two weeks of paid vacation before they have to be back for work. She wants to go somewhere tropical, where she can sip fruity mixed drinks as she lounges in a hammock on the beach. Max knows that.
5. When they return, she'll go back to work in her lab, trying to find a cure for cancer and other diseases that will expand the lifespans of so many people. Max will go back to building...whatever it is that he builds. They'll go about their daily routines and do everything they were doing before--just married. Nothing will change except her left hand will be a bit heavier.
So why is she filled with so much panic?
Her eyes flit about the room and she catches herself gazes at the exits; double doors that call her name. The painted glass seems to make them glow and Alex bites her lip, forcing her gaze elsewhere.
That's when she sees her. Standing in the back, with the other members of her staff, all of them wearing matching shirts that advertise Maggie's Marigolds, the woman is small--petite, Alex's mind suggests--and her skin is tan and she has deep dimples in her cheeks. Her deep brown eyes are trained on Alex and her head tilts a little bit to the right when they lock eyes for a moment that seems to span centuries. Alex feels heat rise in her cheeks and her heart begins to thump in her chest. Again.
But it's different this time. It's not so...unpleasant. She finds herself wanting to smile. She finds herself oddly...happy. Why is she suddenly so happy?
Somebody clears their throat and Alex's head whips back to stair into the cool blue gaze of her fiance. He's tilting his head now, too, but his face is full of concern. His brows are furrowed and the pressure is suddenly back in Alex's chest and suddenly she's shaking her head because she just...
"I can't do this." It's barely above a whisper but she knows that Max hears it from the way his eyes widen. She hears Kara gasp behind her, but she doesn't turn around to see the look of confusion on her little sister's face. Instead, she starts to back down the aisle, giving Max the most apologetic look she can muster. "I'm sorry," she says. "I just...I can't."
Then she turns and runs, as fast as her pinchy shoes can carry her, straight out the door.