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“My perfect plan, it failed… Is there nothing I can celebrate?”
“Let’s go Karl…” Poe set down the cake, the one he spent an hour or so making earlier that morning. He really wanted to go all out for his ‘rival’s’ birthday, now that he thought about it, were they really just rivals? The thought only crossed his mind for a second before he dismissed it as nothing more than a fantasy. “I…” he paused for a second and hoped that Ranpo would say something, or even look his way. Instead, Ranpo kept reading. Didn't even think to look up. “I’ll be going then…” Poe lingered in front of the agency front door and quickly looked over his shoulder but Ranpo was still engrossed in the novel he was reading. Hovering his hand over the knob, his hand slightly shook as he opened the door. He went back home; shamefully and all the while cursing at himself for failing yet again. He sat down at the foot of his bed and Karl curled up in his lap. “This is what I get right Karl?” Poe ran his fingers through Karl’s soft fur. “I can’t do anything right when it comes to him…” he said thinking about every time he messed up around Ranpo or did something that made him upset. Then, a thought popped into his head, “Why do I even try?” He tried pushing the thought away but that only made it burn itself deeper into his brain. “Why” he thought, laying down and curling himself up into a ball, unknowingly pushing Karl away. The raccoon pawed at him, worried, or at least as worried as a raccoon can be over a human. “go away Karl,” he mumbled, curling himself up tighter. Karl chippered and rubbed against the writer with his head. No response this time. Karl hobbled off the bed dejectedly. This had happened before, many times in fact where Poe would shut himself away from others, especially when he needed them. So, like always when this happens, Karl sat on the floor and watched. It was all he could do as a raccoon. Meanwhile, even more thoughts flooded the writer’s head like a dam of negativity collapsed and washed over him. “Why can’t I do anything right? Why do I always fail? Why am I not good enough? I know, I’ve always known… it is because of how worthless I am, I can't do anything because I’m worthless. Every time I do something it always backfires because of me. Everyone would be so much happier if I were dead. Ah, but who would take care of Karl? Maybe someone better than me… he deserves someone better than me… someone who isn’t weak, like me.” His thoughts continued to spiral as tears stung his eyes. All of this started just because he wanted to celebrate Ranpo’s birthday. A pitiful fantasy it was. To think that he and Ranpo could ever be more than rivals was just a fantasy. Poe slept for the rest of the day, waking up occasionally then drifting back to sleep. When he woke up the next morning, he felt dread over the thought of having to face Ranpo after what happened yesterday. “What will he say? Would he even want to see me again?” He muttered. His hands began to shake, his heart pounded in his chest, his head filled up with thoughts and he began hyperventilating. He clutched his chest and tried to calm himself down but he spiraled into ‘what if’s. “What if I mess up again? What if he ends up hating me? What if he laughs at me?” he buried his head in his lap and tugged at his hair. He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the door open and the one person he felt like he couldn't face entered his room. Ranpo put his hand on Poe’s shoulder and he turned his head to look at Ranpo. “Ranpo-kun! I-” before he could stumble his way through his sentence Ranpo hugged him, wordlessly. He didn't need to say anything. Him being there was already enough.