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You and Gerard were good friends. Before you met him, you were basically a loner. Yes, you made “friends”, but nobody really stuck around in the long run. In your senior year, you properly met Gerard at a local open mic where you were performing. He came up to you and told you what a great job you had done. After that, you ended up in an art class with him, and you both always worked on group projects together.
You had always thought Gerard was cute even though none of the girls you knew felt the same way. You loved his tiny teeth, hazel eyes, dark sideburns, and nerdy laugh. You didn’t care that sometimes his shaggy hair was greasy, and you didn’t mind how messy he could be at times. Before you knew it, you had fallen in love with Gerard.
It was a Friday night, and you were standing on the porch of Gerard and Mikey’s house. You had planned this for weeks now. You had to tell Gerard how you felt before it ate you alive. You thought about writing him a love letter, or a song, or asking him in some extravagant way, but you decided this would be best. Coming to him with all honesty, saying how you truly felt about him. Mikey was the one who answered the door. He was wearing a worn-out Anthrax T-shirt and skinny jeans.
“Hey, y/n,” He smiles, “Gerard is in his room.”
You walk inside and make your way to the door to the basement, which was Gerard’s room. The room had an old T.V, shelves of comic books and art journals, tons of band posters, and trash littered everywhere. It smelled like teenage boy, cigarette smoke, and laundry detergent. You knocked on the door twice before opening it up and heading down the tiny set of stairs into the room.
“Hey, gee!” You call out, “I’m here!”
Gerard is lying on his bed, with a journal and pen in hand. He quickly closes the journal when he sees you. He stands up and smiles nervously.
“Y/n! What’s up?”
He grabs a dirty T-shirt, throwing it into a pile in the corner of his room and kicks some trash under the bed. His eyes scan around the room looking for anything else he might not want you to see.
“Not much,” You shrug, flinging your bag onto the floor, “Just work.”
“How was it?” Gerard asks.
“It was okay,” You say, “Retail can be absolute hell though. Somebody keeps coming in and changing the tags on items.”
“Hmm,” Gerard nodded thoughtfully, “That sounds like a pain.”
“It has been,” You groan, “But forget about my lousy job. How have you been? I haven’t seen you since like, when The Punishment played that show downtown.”
Gerard stares down at the ground. “I’ve been busy. I’ve been working on this new comic series for the newspaper, and I’ve been working out and-“
“You’ve been what?” You ask him, surprised, “You’ve been working out?”
“Y-yeah,” Gerard says nervously, his greasy hair falling into his face, “I just thought I ought to get into better shape, ya know.”
“Well, of course. I mean, everyone should try to be strong and healthy,” You nod slowly, “It’s just…I don’t know. I can’t imagine you working out, to be honest. You hate sports.”
“Working out is different than sports,” Gerard looks up at you, “Besides. I like it.”
You give him a look. “Really?”
“Okay, I don’t like it that much, but that’s beside the point,” Gerard laughs, “I’ve just been busy. That was my main point.”
“Okay.” You smile at him. You loved his high-pitched giggle. It was silly and girly and adorable.
“Anyways,” Gerard brushes a strand of hair behind his ear, “Why did you come? I mean, why did you come visit me for no reason. I mean, did you have, er, a reason for this visit?”
“Oh. Right,” You say, suddenly remembering your mission, “Well, I just…wanted to see you.”
"O-okay,” Gerard says slowly, eyeing you curiously, “Anything else?”
You swallow hard and your heart skips a little. “Uh, yeah. There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Gerard’s expression turns more anxious. He studies your face. “Is something wrong?” He asks, his forehead wrinkling in concern.
“No, no,” You say quickly, “Nothings wrong. It’s, uh, something else.”
“You’re being awfully mysterious.” Gerard laughs dryly.
“I’m sorry,” You say, fidgeting with your sweaty hands, “I’m just nervous I guess.”
Gerard’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, as if the thought of you being nervous around him was something impossible.
“You don’t have to be nervous,” He shakes his head, “Especially not around me of all people.”
“I know, I know.” You say, looking down at the floor, averting your eyes from him, hoping he would just not look at you.
“Here,” Gerard says, pushing some books off his bed, “Come sit.”
You walk over to his bed and sit down on his blue Star Wars sheets. He sits next to you, causing the bed to creak softly with his weight. It felt more intimate than anything you had done with Gerard before. You folded your hands in your lap and searched for the right words to say.
“So, there’s something that’s been on my mind for a while,” You start slowly, “I have been debating on whether or not to tell you, but it’s been practically eating me alive, and I don’t think I can just keep this to myself any longer. It’s just not working out.”
“What’s not working out?” Gerard frowns.
“No,” You mentally slap yourself, “I mean, me holding in this secret isn’t working out.”
“Oh,” Gerard says quietly, “What secret?”
You look shyly at Gerard as he watches with curious eyes. He looks anxious and afraid, like he’s preparing to hear the worst.
“Gerard…” You mumble.
“…Yeah?” He asks in a hushed voice.
“I…” You whisper, “…I love you.”
Gerard’s mouth goes dry. He blinks a few times, staring at you, heart racing.
“W-what?”
“I love you.” You say softly, searching his face for any reciprocation of the feeling.
Gerard stares at you, stunned, his eyes locked with yours. You lean closer to him, and he freezes. He barely even breathes as you close the distance and kiss him. His lips are chapped and taste like sweat, but regardless, your stomach flutters. When you pull away from him, he remains still as a statue, his eyes fluttering open.
Then suddenly, his eyes go wide as realization hits him. You shift anxiously.
“Gerard?” You ask.
“Oh my god,” He says, looking like he’s about to pass out, “You just kissed me.”
“I did.” You smile a little.
“What the hell?!” He asks, “You can’t…I can’t…”
“What do you mean you can’t?” You frown.
“You can’t love me,” He throws up his hands, “I’m a nobody, a loser and you’re like…you’re like the fucking sun.”
“You’re not a loser!” You stand up, frowning at Gerard.
“You deserve someone who’s handsome, and smart, and buff and-“
“Is that why you started working out?”
Gerard’s face turns red. “M-maybe.” He stutters.
“Gerard,” You say softly, taking a step closer to him, “I don’t care about any of that. I just want to be with you.”
Gerard shuts his eyes, the words spinning around in his brain. His heart thumps heavily. He tries to just focus on his breathing. You walk up to him slowly, reaching out to touch his hand. He groans, stepping away.
“You deserve someone better than me.” He shakes his head.
“I want you.” You plead.
Those words hit Gerard like a ton of bricks. He forces himself to take a breath in and out. When he opens his eyes, he blinks back tears.
“Please,” He begs, “Don’t tease me like this.”
“What do you mean?!” You ask, “Gerard, I just told you I loved you.” Your expression falls. “So…you really don’t feel the same?”
“No!” Gerard says, quickly, “No, y/n. I feel the same, god, I feel the same. I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I just…I want you to be with someone who deserves you. I don’t.” He motions to his messy room. “I’m gross and weird and ugly.”
"Then I guess I like gross and weird and ugly.” You manage a small smile.
Gerard lets out a shaky laugh that sounds more like a sob. You walk over to him again and he doesn’t step away this time. You reach up, lightly touching his tear-stained cheeks and he lets out a small whine. You bring his face to your lips, kissing away his bitter, salty tears. He sniffles, looking at you in the eyes when you stop.
“You really…love me?” He asks.
“Yeah.” You nod.
He lets out a sigh. “I…I love you too.”
“Will you give me a chance, Gerard?” You whisper, “Please?”
“Stop,” He says, pressing a finger to your lips, “You’d be the one giving me a chance. One I don’t deserve.”
You kiss the finger he has pressed to your lips and he shudders, pulling his hand away like he’d been shocked.
“Why won’t you touch me?” You ask in a hushed voice.
“I can,” He says softly, “I just never knew you wanted me to.”
“I want you to. Please.”
“Anything you ask.” He whispers back, resting his chin on your nose. He breathes in the scent of your skin, and it’s like a drug for him. He kisses your right cheek, then your chin, then your nose. He pauses, and then he licks the whole left side of your face painstakingly slowly, his tongue wet against your skin. You gasp.
“Oh my god.”
“What?” He asks with a hint of anxiety in his voice.
“No, it’s nothing bad it’s just…Do you normally lick girls?”
He blushes. “S-sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“That was gross.”
“Thought you said you liked gross.” He smiles shyly.
You grin. “Mhmm,” You hum, “I like disgusting.”
“Disgusting?” He repeats.
He looks at you for a minute, then cracks a smile. He looks at the floor.
“What?” You ask him, grinning.
“Just thinking.”
“Hmm,” You grin, pulling him closer to you, “What are you thinking about?”
“A lot,” He looks up at you, his voice lowering a little, “But I…uh…I’m mostly thinking about k-kissing you.”
You lean in and quickly peck his lips, causing him to whine. You laugh softly, running one of your hands through his greasy hair.
“Then kiss me already, idiot.”
He wastes no time doing so, his lips locking onto yours. He kisses you tenderly at first, his hand coming up to tousle in your hair, then gradually the kiss becomes more passionate as he gains confidence. You reach up and place your fingers gently around his neck, causing him to whimper against your lips. You stroke his face and he pulls you closer, not even stopping to breathe in between kisses. His chapped lips now wet with saliva move purposefully against yours. He finally breaks the kiss, panting, his forehead presses against yours.
“You’ve thought about doing that a couple times?” You tease him breathlessly.
His face flushes and he nods shyly. You reach down and grab his hand, then begin to tug him over to his bed. He lets you tug him, at this point, he’d probably let you do anything to him. You climb into the bed and he follows you, cuddling up next to you when you lie down. He nuzzles his face against you. Then without warning, he shifts positions and climbs over you, leaning down to kiss your neck.
“Y/n?”
“Y-yeah?” You squirm as he kisses your collarbone. His teeth scrape against your skin and you let out a small gasp.
“I just need…” He mumbles hotly against your exposed neck, “I just need to feel you.”
He moves back up to your face, kissing you open mouthed. His lips move sloppily against yours, and he whines when your tongue meets his. His saliva mixes with yours and it tastes like chewed bubble gum, cigarettes, and is strangely bitter. He breaks the kiss, his saliva dripping into your mouth.
“How do you need to feel me?” You pant.
Gerard reaches to fidget with the hem of your shirt. He looks at you, eyes wide and begging.
“Can I?” He whispers.
“G-go ahead.” You nod.
Gerard lifts your shirt up and you think he’s going to take it off you. Instead, he sticks his head up under your shirt, his breath warm against your belly. His tongue licks a stripe across your belly and down to your belly button. He then sticks his tongue into your belly button and wiggles it around.
“G-gerard!” You gasp.
He quickly comes out from your shirt and looks up at you, wide eyed.
“Sorry,” He stammers, “I didn’t mean to-“
“No, no, it’s okay,” You say quickly, “It’s just…I’ve never felt that before.”
“Do you want me to do more?”
You nod vigorously. He sinks down the mattress and pokes his head into your shirt again. He inhales the skin on your belly, feeling dizzy with delight. His head rises higher and he bites your bra, tugging it with his teeth. You try to remain still. His hands go up and down your sides, the skin on skin contact driving you mad.
“Mmm,” He mumbles, “I don’t deserve you. You’re so pretty.”
You tug his head out from underneath your shirt, your hands in his hair. “You’re pretty too.”
He smiles slightly, shaking his head. “Could never,” He takes your hand and presses it to his lips, “Be as pretty as you.”
Then, he opens his mouth and slowly slides your fingers in. You feel his soft warm tongue and your eyes flutter shut.
“God.” You whisper.
Suddenly, there’s a knock at the basement door. Gerard sucks your fingers one last time before you pull them out of his mouth. You sit up next to him on the bed.
Mikey walks down the basement stairs.
“Whatcha guys up to?” He asks.
“N-nothing,” You say, wiping your fingers on Gerard’s jeans, “Just talking.”
“Okay,” Mikey says, “I’m gonna go get some food. You guys want anything?”
“No,” Gerard says in his nasally nerdy voice, “We’re good.”
“Alright,” Mikey begins to head back up the basement stairs, “See you guys.”
“Bye.” You both call. As soon as the basement door slams shut, Gerard turns to you.
“Wanna watch a movie?” He asks gently, reaching out to rub your thigh.
“Yeah.” You smile.