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Toudou Kimi lost contact with everyone after high school, completely 100% on purpose and by design. She was always supposed to be above Kaibara, destined for greater things. A big city girl through and through. After all, she was always told that certain things would absolutely happen to and for her thanks to her pretty face. Finding a good job and a good husband was supposed to be as easy as a flirty smile and a cute giggle. Getting anything she wanted was supposed to be a breeze.
And in her humblest opinion, her expectations for adulthood were quite bare bones. Life, on the other hand, just loved to throw the biggest curveballs her way. Like how she came to discover that she didn’t even like boys that way. Like how it got to the point where smiles and giggles stopped working. Nevertheless, Kimi always grinned and leaned into whatever because there was no way she would ever throw in the towel.
But Kimi never once imagined she’d find herself here ten years later. Never thought she’d be sitting in a hotel bar with an invitation to Yun Yun and Kakeru’s celebration of love ceremony. Absolutely did not see it coming that Kuragi Machi would be the one to seek her out to talk about...all of that.
Kimi changed her phone number ages ago. And while Kakeru managed to track her down to send the handwritten letter and fancy invitation, it was Machi who sent the short and simple question to an old and embarrassing email address.
Can we talk, please?
It was Machi that made her drop everything and take the first train out to Kaibara.
Ice cubes clink together as Machi swipes a finger over the rim of the glass. The bright colored drink sloshes at the gesture, and Kimi hasn’t been able to look away from Machi’s delicate hands.
For so many years, Sohma Yuki and Kuragi Machi were a given. Everyone saw how they easily found each other in high school. It blossomed over time, the unexpected yet not surprising coupling of the student council president and the treasurer. So many small moments, and big moments, between the two of them had Kaibara High as the backdrop. Kimi was in the vicinity for some of them. And of course, Kakeru too. Manabe Kakeru, who always doted on his beloved long-time girlfriend. Manabe Kakeru, who was always trying to get Yuki to just open up.
It surprises her how quiet she’s been as she lets Machi talk through her emotions. If she could talk to younger Kimi now, she knows the girl would just laugh in her face at every aspect of the situation.
“I think it was the quiet, in the end.” Machi finally turns to face her, casting her eyes down as she rests her cheek against her palm. Machi has always been beautiful, but this version of Machi? Kimi almost hates herself for thinking about how devastatingly gorgeous she is.
“But we were happy for a long time and really understood each other. That’s how it always was.” Machi’s lips slightly curve up and Kimi finds herself smiling too at the memory of their youth. But just as quickly, Machi’s gaze starts to turn into something empty, and Kimi feels in her gut how wrong it is. She knows, even after all these years, that Machi is the type to hold it all in. Machi never really had that many people she could talk to in the first place, and Kimi knows exactly what that’s like. Machi's the type to blame herself first no matter what the situation is. Kimi's been there. She's been there for the past ten years.
“And at some point, we sort of just went through the motions of what we were supposed to. We stopped talking about things and just...kept each other company in the comfort of the silence.”
Kimi sneaks a peek at Machi’s phone, almost flinching when she sees the wallpaper is a picture of Machi serenely smiling at the camera, most likely taken by Yuki. She still can’t wrap her head around what Machi could be going through at the moment with her half-brother and ex literally across the hall.
Machi starts to stir her drink again and Kimi’s eyes are locked onto the motion. “And then one day, I saw a spark in him that I hadn't seen before.”
Kimi’s chest starts to hurt from the breath she’s holding. The Machi she met in high school is still there. Back then, everyone thought she was emotionless, difficult to get along with and to understand. Kimi saw Machi hide within herself, saw her detach from others in the exact opposite way that she herself detached. Getting right up into people’s personal space, making damn sure her presence was known. If people hated what she had to say, it wasn’t her problem. (She wishes she could care less like that again.)
Machi’s voice starts to shake. “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I actually had seen it before. I’d seen it many times and it was always with the same person. And I started to hate him. I started to hate both of them even after everything we’d been through. I started to hate myself for what I had become.”
She knows, just as much as Machi knows, she would imagine, that Kakeru isn't the type to do this lightly, especially given their family ties. While she was never that close with Yuki, she saw how he was with Machi in the past, he saw how he felt for the people he cared about. And if Kakeru’s letter was any indication, Kimi knows that the both of them will always be thinking about her, would be prioritizing her comfort over theirs for the hurt and shock they’ve caused.
What would people do for the chance at true love? It's not something Kimi ever experienced, not sure it’s something she ever will. But she knows what it’s like to come to terms with certain things about herself.
“I thought of you so much over the years because you were able to just...get out. You were able to put it all behind you. I’ve looked you up every now and then, you know.”
Kimi stifles a laugh because Machi couldn’t be more wrong. Kaibara was always a ghost haunting her, a reminder of her dashed potential, her at the brightest.
But seeing Machi here right now, Kimi realizes once again that she brought the invitation for a reason. The simple five words in that email pulled at her for a reason. Kakeru’s pleas in his letter tugged at her for a reason.
And it was all for her, the quiet girl she knew in high school. The girl she was always secretly jealous of, the girl who she thought would get everything she wanted. The woman in front of her who thought of her despite the years apart. The woman she’s also been thinking about for those many years.
“Then let’s get out of here.” Kimi says with an easy shrug, and she almost laughs at Machi’s instantly confused expression.
Machi darts her eyes between both of hers. “Like right now? But what about the ceremony?”
“We can wave hi to Yun Yun and Kakeru on the way out if you want, but you and I have a train to catch in half an hour.” Kimi pulls out two tickets from her bag and slides them across to Machi.
Machi almost looks stun locked as her eyes dart over the details of the two tickets, turning them over as if to make sure this wasn't a prank somehow.
The smile that forms on her face makes Kimi’s heart thud. It’s not like Kimi knows how things will be in the future, especially with the two men across the hall, especially with everything else. But she knows one thing for sure at this very moment: that Kimi Toudou and Kuragi Machi are meant to be happy, that Kaibara may have given them roots and was the backdrop for their past, but Kimi left once, and she can leave again with Machi in tow to be free of the Sohmas, free of Machi’s family.
Machi finally breaks out into a laugh, the biggest laugh that Kimi has ever heard from her before, and she starts to laugh with her.
If Kaibara wants to bring them back again one day, well that’s for another day. Right here, right now is for them.