Work Text:
'Dear Three,
I'm not sure if I should even write these words to you. You'll never read them, and I'm sure you won't. Honestly, I have no clue what's happended ever since that day. Where I gave you all of that power. Maybe it was stupid on my end, but no, I know it was smart. It was for the better, at least I hope it is.
Really, I'm not smart. And all of this was stupid and selfish. It's just like Pencil said, right? I don't even know why I'm asking you questions. You'll never read this. It really is true, I am stupid. Just the dumbest number in the whole playground. Oh well, at least I did one thing that was good. Hopefully it was good.
I hope you fixed yourself, it's the reason that I gave you that power. All of it has always belonged to you, I'm glad I was able to at the very least realize that. But I've messed up too much, and I don't think there really was any way I could've fixed it. Maybe I'm glad I'm just pieces, or well I think I'm that at least.
Again, I have no clue what's really happening. All that I can see is a void of sorts, it's kind of clear? Oh well, it doesn't matter anymore does it. I could write about how I kind of hate this void. But that's not why I'm writing this right now. Is this an apology? I don't really know myself. To be honest, I'm not sure I could ever apologize. Not directly, of course.
I guess...this is sort of a goodbye. Not really, you'll never see this. This letter is more-so closure, for myself. As selfish as I am, I don't think I can change that quick enough. I'll have all of what I assume to be eternity to do just that. But, who knows. I'm One, and I think I'm just selfish. As much as you guys isolated me, some of it is part of my blame.
Timelines and timelines passed by me. Some of them were perfect! But it just wasn't right to my own selfish desires. I wanted to believe that it was all for you. At least then it would be a good cause. But looking at those statues, and Pencil...it was a necessary call-out yeah. But I'm not sure my heart could've handled the aftermath. Maybe I'm glad you killed me, mercy for someone you should've let suffer.
One of the timelines was perfect though, just fully perfect. I can't believe I left it behind for a dumb reason. You were there, full and happy. And everyone else was happy, except for me. I should've just pushed down my thing about revenge, we could've been happy. We could've just played on the swings, or toss around your ball. But we didn't, and I left that perfect place behind!
Not much that I can do now really. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm only finally admitting that because I know you won't see this. Always I said that I'll fix it. But I never said sorry did I? Of course I didn't. I'm selfish, and I'm sorry this way. And I'm sure you'll never see this, or care about this. And I miss you, a lot actually.
But I think finally writing this down let me realize something. You'd never forgive me, nor would you be by my side. All of this was for myself, and my delusional fantasies. I just wanted someone on my side, and once I got you. Sure I can blame you all I want, you did break our promise. But I know that doesn't justify anything else.
I was angry, and I thought you were finally on my side. The angel that had come to me, and I would have something good. A good thing finally happen to me, a friend. My other half, just...I don't know. I guess, maybe I really just wanted someone to talk too. But I ruined it, yeah, I did. My one chance, and I fucked it up terribly!
In my head you were my saviour, as dramatic as it sounds. Really I did believe that. Someone I could trust, and hold these stupid powers with. You were that someone, or I thought you were. But I messed it up, and I'm sorry. I tried to fix you, always using that excuse. I messed up a lot, and I hope you'll actually fix your mistakes unlike me.
You always were like that, always helping. Even if they didn't deserve that help you lent out. I kind of barely knew the real you if I'm being honest. And the version I saw definetly wasn't fully you. Or well, I should say the version I made of you. Maybe I was just obsessed or crazy, I still don't know. But I was always thinking of that version of you.
Three, was what my mind repeated after I killed someone. Three, was what I heard when someone signed one of my deals. All I thought of was that false version of you, at every point of me doing this. It was all you. But it wasn't really you, just the version my head made. A messed up copy, that my obsession took and held in my mind. Well, I guess it was somewhat worth it.
I'll probably be in this void for a long time, maybe till the end of time. I hope you don't revive me, I don't really deserve that. Not with how many times I killed everyone, and with how much I hurt you. I was so angry, and being inside that moon. It was horrible, and all I could think of was getting revenge and "fixing" you.
Hopefully we'll meet again, even if I hope I never get out of this empty place. I wish I could see how you are, as selfish as it is. I want to see you happy and fixed. And I want all of these things, but not really for you. But for me to see, and be happy for you. It's a selfish thought, but I hope you're happy. Because if you can smile after all I put you through, maybe then I would be able to smile too.
I think through it all, I started to love you. Actually love you. Not just cling on to the nearest person. But as you started invading my mind, all I could feel swirling inside was love. Oddly enough, you're the person I hurt most. Maybe my love is dangerous, or I'm just bad. I wish that maybe, I could have actually loved you then.
My last words were never finished, and I'm not sure what I was gonna say even now. I've thought about it a lot, through that haze of pain. Two things sat on the tip of my tounge. That I agreed, or finally admitting how much I truly loved you. But I don't think I'll figure it out ever. Even with all of eternity, it seems like it'll take me longer then that to figure myself out.
Love is one of the few things I don't think I should have. As perfect as a world where we could be in love sounds. I just don't think it could happen, you hate me. And I agree, I'd hate me too. And I know we'd never cuddle together, because I broke apart the things you gave me into a bunch of pieces. I broke you apart, and you were the most precious thing I've ever had.
One day, I hope to see your love once again. It'll never happen, I know it won't. But it's nice to fanatize about. Think of a life that could never be. Where false versions of me and you, are able to be together. With love and trust between them, that we would never actually hold if it was the real us.
We're doomed, and it's my fault for that. Maybe if I could've just settled. There would be a place for us, but there isn't. And now I'm stuck all over again. In this clear void, where I'm floating. Nothing ever happens and I just wish sometimes to see you once again. That'd be nice. I know I said I wouldn't have the courage to apologize. But maybe then I could at least say, "I'm sorry."
All of this is really for nothing. There is no happy ending for me, and I think I've finally accepted it. Or well, just stopped fighting the fact. Even if I denied it, this truly isn't a happy ending. But it is what I deserve, I'm sorry for all this. And I'm sorry for hurting you Three. It was all for no good reason, other then my own selfishness.
Please, I know it's selfish to ask you for this but, keep your smile. It looks good on you.
I hope this will somehow find you, and it finds you while you're well.
Your Damned Number, One.'