Archive of Our Own

Things aboard the Hail Mary were not good. And that was saying something, considering that the mission hadn’t actually started yet.

It had all started when Yáo woke up. The medical bot had woken him more than a month early after he threw a clot. It had managed to give him the medications necessary to dissolve the clot in time, but it had decided it was too much of a risk to keep him in the coma. So Yáo woke up, confused, in pain, after a near-death experience, and, most notably, alone.

It had taken him a while to get his bearings. He’d expected to wake up alongside his crew. The first few hours of consciousness were nothing short of terrifying. But he eventually came around enough to figure out what was going on.

The month he’d spent awake and on his own had been awful. He was still in pain a lot of the time, he wasn’t cognizant to actually do anything worthwhile to the mission, and he was alone except for the unconscious bodies of his two crewmates.

Worst of all, his instincts had run completely wild. He didn’t know what it was— a side effect of the medications, a reaction to the pain, a response to the prolonged coma, the isolation, the list of possibilities went on. There was this deep ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away no matter what he did. He kept being drawn back to the medical bay. He spent most of his time in there doing idle tasks while he watched over his crew. If he left for any reason, his instincts would scream at him and pull him back.

It had driven him a little crazy. Yáo considered himself to be a rational man, all things considered. It was an essential trait for a pilot. He wasn’t one to let his emotions control him. Even as a Caregiver, Yáo maintained careful control over his instincts. He knew how to recognize when his emotions were making him act irrationally and take a step back to evaluate a situation logically.

But now, for whatever reason, his instincts were flaring up and controlling him in a way they hadn’t since he was in school. Sometimes it got so bad that he physically could not relax unless he was sitting on one of their cots and making physical contact with them. He would hold their hands, stroke their hair, place a hand on their arm. He did this to both of them, but he noticed himself doing it to Grace far more than Ilyukhina. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t know Grace as well, or that he had been a last-minute addition to the crew. Maybe he was sensing Grace’s subconscious fear or something. He wasn’t sure. But something inside of him was driving him to keep the two of them constantly in his sight.

And then, suddenly, he wasn’t alone anymore. Ilyukhina had woken up first, right on schedule. He’d watched for several days as she floated in and out of consciousness. Her waking periods got progressively longer and she became increasingly more oriented and aware of her surroundings. By the second day, she was able to recognize Yáo and give nonverbal responses to questions. By the third, she could speak. And by the fourth day, she was finally fully awake and could walk around the ship with Yáo.

“Woah,” she said, examining herself in the washroom mirror as soon as she’d finished cleaning her hair and wiping herself down. She’d put on a light tank top, which was doing nothing to hide her new muscle growth. “Those electrode things worked great! I’m so buff now!”

Yáo crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway with a laugh. He had also been enjoying his new muscles.

Ilyukhina turned and looked at her reflection over her shoulder, flexing again. “Wow. I’m impressed. If we were back on Earth, I would kiss every person on the medical team.”

Yáo laughed again. “Come, I’ll show you the cockpit.”

“Ooh!” Ilyukhina bounced on her feet and stumbled after him. Her balance was still a little off, but it seemed getting up and moving around had helped with her coordination. He no longer had to support her as they walked, at least. She could move around on her own now only using the walls for support.

She ooh-ed and ah-ed at the mental health room. Yáo had been keeping the display set to a video of Yellowstone National Park throughout his time awake. On the rare occasion where he left the medical bay to do anything except use the washroom, he always made time to sit in there and let himself breathe.

Ilyukhina craned her neck to see the tops of the screens. “This is Yellowstone, hm?”

“Yes. I took my eldest daughter here when she was very young.” He smiled as one of the geysers erupted. Yu-Jie had loved them to bits. It was a memory that brought him much and remembering it had been one of the things that had kept him going throughout his month alone.

“I never went. But it looks very pretty.”

“It was. Now come.”

Ilyukhina took one last look at the display before she went over to the cockpit ladder.

“Do you need help getting up?” he asked, letting her go first.

“I think I’m good,” she replied. She gripped onto the rungs and began to pull herself up. Yáo kept an arm at the ready just in case, but she did fine. It was slow work, but she did it.

Yáo helped Ilyukhina into one of the seats and began his routine systems check. Ilyukhina was content to watch him work. He flew around the controls, only sitting when he began his check of the navigation system.

”Attention: New message available for: Yáo Li-Jie. Olesya Ilyukhina. Would you like to play it?”

Both Yáo and Ilyukhina startled at the sound of the Mary.

“A message?” Ilyukhina tapped her fingers against the armrest. “Why do we have a new message?”

“Well, it’s addressed to both of us,” said Yáo. “They probably wanted to wait until both of us were present to give it to us.”

“Well go on then. Mary, play the message.”

The Mary complied. ”Message from: Eva Stratt, addressed to: Yáo Li-Jie, Olesya Ilyukhina, titled: ‘To be read upon waking from coma,’” she droned. "Message reads: ‘This message is in regards to Dr. Ryland Grace. You are not to repeat any of the information contained here to him.’”

Yáo and Ilyukhina exchanged uneasy glances.

”’Dr. Grace is a Little.'”

Yáo’s heart dropped into his stomach. Oh, shit.

The message continued. ”’The ship’s automated medical robot is programmed to administer a strong dose of suppressants as soon as it detects that both of you are awake. He will wake up about a week later than both of you. He has also been given an amnestic and will not remember that he is a Little. You are not to tell him of his Classification.

”’The suppressant is designed to keep his headspace at bay for at least six months, likely longer. There are additional doses on board for redundancy. If the suppressant fails, you are to administer an additional dose at headspace onset. This may seem cruel, but it is the only way to ensure the success of the mission. Do not let your instincts cloud your judgment. This is necessary for the survival of the human race. Good luck.’ Message ends. Would you like me to repeat the message?”

“No,” Ilyukhina bit. She was clenching the armrests of her chair so hard her knuckles were white.

”Affirmative.”

Yáo Li-Jie considered himself a rational man.

Right now, if he was back on Earth, nothing could have stopped him from hunting Eva Stratt down and strangling her to death.

The two of them sat in stunned silence for a few seconds. “Holy shit,” Ilyukhina eventually managed.

Yáo nodded wordlessly. Holy shit indeed.

“I guess that’s why my instincts have been going crazy recently,” he murmured.

“Does Stratt really expect us to follow this batshit plan?” Ilyukhina stood and paced aggressively around the cockpit. “We’re Caregivers! We can’t just ignore the fact that there is a Little on board!” She turned to Yáo. “Did you know that Grace was a Little?”

Yáo shook his head. “No.” His stomach churned. He folded his hands in his lap and wrung them harshly to stop himself from saying something very harsh that he would definitely regret. “Stratt told me he was a Baseline.”

Ilyukhina pushed her chair, causing it to spin around. She cursed loudly in Russian. “Of course she did. She knew there was no way we’d let him get on this ship if we knew.”

Yáo nodded slowly.

“Shit. Why didn’t Gracie tell us he was a Little?”

“Sometimes Littles are very secretive about their Classifications,” Yáo replied. “Maybe the suppressants were his idea. It would be difficult to complete such a time-sensitive mission with headspaces getting in the way.”

“Dear God, I hope this was his idea. I don’t even want to think about the alternative.”

“Well, Grace did choose to come willingly. I made sure of that,” Yáo reassured her. Indeed, he had checked with Stratt as soon as she told him Grace had agreed to the mission. He’d made it clear that he would not let Grace on board unless he was fully willing. Stratt had told him Grace understood the stakes, and that he requested to be put into his induced coma early to minimize the intense anxiety he had about it. He’d accepted that, though he was a little disappointed he didn’t get to talk with Grace before he was sedated. They could have talked to him, made him more comfortable with the idea of going. It was slightly odd that he hadn’t even asked to talk with them before going under.

Shit. Now that he was thinking about it, he couldn’t be completely sure that this was Grace’s decision. What had he been thinking? He should have insisted on talking to him. Stratt was clearly willing to do anything to guarantee the success of the mission. There was a very good chance that at least some of this had not been Grace’s choice.

“Thank God for that. Fuck.” Ilyukhina collapsed into her chair and dragged a hand down her face. She repeated something similar in Russian. It snapped him out of his spiraling. He decided he wouldn’t express his concerns to Ilyukhina just yet. She was upset enough as it was.

“Do you think he’ll have side effects we’ll need to look out for?” Ilyukhina asked once she’d calmed herself down a bit more. “Suppressants can be nasty.”

“In any other case, using suppressants like this would be incredibly dangerous,” said Yáo. He remembered many a secondary school health class about the dangers of long-term suppressant use. “He’ll probably have some of the short-term side effects, but, well…”

“No need to worry about the long-term effects if there is no long-term,” Ilyukhina finished.

“Exactly.”

Ilyukhina groaned loudly.

“We’re dead either way,” he continued. “It’s probably easier for him to spend his last few months in ignorance rather than constantly fighting his headspace.”

Ilyukhina shifted uncomfortably and fidgeted with her hands. “Suppressants aren’t guaranteed to hold back a headspace completely, though,” she said. “He’s definitely going to realize something is the matter at some point. What do we do about that?”

Yáo leaned back in his seat and rocked against the backrest, letting the slow bounce of the chair soothe the lingering flare in his chest. “Easy,” he replied. “We don’t listen to Stratt.”

Ilyukhina blinked. “You’re suggesting we go against Stratt’s orders?”

“Weren’t you the one saying it was ridiculous to listen to them?” He raised an eyebrow.

She huffed. “I meant, I’m surprised you are the one suggesting this.”

“I’m the mission captain,” Yáo said, a little indignantly. “I can disobey whatever orders I deem to be detrimental to the success of the mission and the wellbeing of my crew.”

Ilyukhina snorted. “Pulling the authority card now, are we?”

“I don’t see Stratt around to stop me,” Yáo sniffed.

“Very true. In what way are you suggesting we ignore Stratt?”

Yáo hummed. “We tell Grace he is a Little as soon as he is awake and settled. We tell him about the message and let him decide if he would like to take the additional doses should the need arise.”

“Is it really better to do that?” Ilyukhina asked, frowning. “Knowing you’re Little but cannot regress sounds miserable. He will probably be stressed just from knowing he cannot enter his headspace.”

“Well, we can’t exactly reverse the suppressant,” said Yáo. “He is going to be stressed whether he knows or not. In my opinion, it’s better for him to know about it. It will let him put words to his experiences. Sometimes just having that can help.”

Yáo remembered a time back in his undergraduate days where his freshman roommate began struggling with his mental health in their second semester. He could never sleep. He was up at all hours of the night muttering to himself and pacing. He had so much energy that it seemed to burst out of him at every opportunity. He skipped classes, drove around recklessly, talked so fast his thoughts couldn’t keep up. Yáo remembered comforting him on many different occasions while he cried. He did not understand why he was feeling or acting the way he was.

Eventually Yáo and a few of their other friends had talked him into seeing a psychiatrist. He’d been diagnosed with bipolar and put on medications. It had taken a long time for the medications to work, but during those long few weeks where his symptoms were still bad, he had still seen a marked improvement. He’d told Yáo during those days that just knowing that there was a name for how he was feeling, and that things would get better eventually, was enough to put his mind at ease and soothe some of his anxiety.

He hoped it would be the same for Grace. He would undoubtedly have side effects from the suppressants, and his headspace would leak through in some ways. If he didn’t know why he was feeling the way he was, Yáo could imagine he would feel a whole lot worse. Hopefully knowing that he was a Little who had been given suppressants would help him cope better.

Ilyukhina groaned and leaned back in her chair, mirroring Yáo’s posture. “Damn you, Stratt,” she muttered. Yáo silently agreed with her. She turned to him, her ponytail falling over her shoulder. Her hair had grown so much. It was weird to see her without bangs. Maybe he would offer to cut her hair for her later. “When do you think he’ll wake up? It’s already been a few days.”

“The medical bot said that his waking periods are becoming more frequent and longer-lasting,” said Yáo. “It shouldn’t be too much longer now.”

“Good.”

“We still have another two weeks before we reach Tau Ceti,” he continued. “We’ll tell him before we get there.”

Ilyukhina nodded. “Hopefully he doesn’t take the news too badly.”

“Hopefully.”

Yáo wasn’t feeling very hopeful, but he tried not to dwell on that. Only time would tell how Grace responded.

.

.

.

Grace did not respond well.

That was to be expected, given the circumstances. He and Ilyukhina had intended to give him a few days to settle before they told him, but as with everything else that had happened on this mission so far, things weren’t going exactly according to plan.

“Get away from me!” Grace yelled— or tried to yell. In reality his words came out more like a jarbled, barely-understandable mess. He swiped his arm out and pushed the medical bot’s arm away from him.

“It’s okay!” Ilyukhina said, her hands hovering above him.

“Where am I? Who are you?” he cried. Ilyukhina tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched violently away. He lost his balance and tumbled off of the bed. He let out an agonizing-sounding groan as his catheter was ripped out.

“Holy shit,” said Ilyukhina. Yáo cringed in sympathetic pain.

Blood began to trickle out from underneath Grace’s hospital gown, streaking across the floor. Grace stared down at it. He didn’t move or even blink for a long time. It took several long seconds before he came back to himself and began scooting himself away using his hands.

“That amnestic is much stronger than Stratt let on,” Yáo cursed as Grace bumped into the wall. He curled up in the corner and trembled.

It took Ilyukhina twenty minutes to coax him out of his “hiding” spot. Yáo stood back and watched in silence, not wanting to overwhelm him. Grace was clearly already struggling to regulate himself. He didn’t need two people in his personal space trying to talk to him. He used his time to wipe up the floor and procure Grace’s first meal.

Eventually Ilyukhina did manage to convince him to come back to the bed and let the medical bot look him over. Grace muttered to himself the whole time about gravity and centrifuges and other science-y things that went over Yáo’s head. They offered him the food pouch and he tried to push it away.

“I’m not hungry,” he said.

“You need to eat,” said Ilyukhina. She held the pouch out to him. “Come. You will feel better.”

Grace took the pouch and hesitantly sucked. He ate slowly and only made it about halfway through the pouch before he set it down on the bed, complaining that he felt too sick to finish it. Ilyukhina turned to Yáo with an unspoken question in her eyes.

“It’s fine,” said Yáo. “It’s normal to be nauseated. You can finish the rest of it later.”

Ilyukhina raised an eyebrow, and Yáo glanced pointedly between her and Grace. She nodded. Neither she nor Yáo had experienced nausea after waking up (well, if Ilyukhina had, she hadn’t complained about it), meaning it was probably a side effect of the suppressants. They’d have to wait and see if his appetite improved with time.

“What do you remember?” Yáo asked.

Grace shrugged. “Not a lot. Something about a Petrova line.”

Well, that seemed as good a place as any to start.

It took them almost an hour to finish explaining everything to him, during which Grace kept interrupting them with endless questions about everything. It turned out the amnestic had wiped out pretty much every bit of information he had about himself and the mission. Yáo wasn’t sure if that was intentional or not, and he didn’t want to dwell on that too much right now.

As the days passed and Grace became more oriented, they figured out that he remembered almost everything in regards to science. Yáo and Ilyukhina had almost collapsed in relief when they took him to the lab for the first time to try and jog his memory and he ended up walking around and naming almost every instrument in the room for them. They could fill him in on astrophage and the Petrova line all they wanted, but the mission would have been, in Ilyukhina’s words, “completely fucked” if Grace didn’t know what a microscope was.

A week before they were set to reach Tau Ceti, they finally told him about the suppressants. Except, even that didn’t go according to plan, because Grace didn’t even remember what Classifications were. That had been a long and awful conversation. Grace’s cheeks were flushed the entire time they were explaining what Littles were, he went completely silent when they told him what Stratt had done.

He holed himself up in the lab for the next two days, only coming out to eat, sleep, and use the washroom. Yáo had to convince Ilyukhina to let him be.

“Don’t,” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder when she was about to go marching in on the second day of Grace’s self-imposed isolation. “He needs to process this on his own terms. He doesn’t need you letting your instincts run wild on him right now.”

She wasn’t happy about this, but then again, Yáo wasn’t either. It was just the best thing they could do for right now.

Time went on. Grace continued to keep to himself, quieter than Yáo had ever seen him be before. The suppressants were really taking their toll on him. He barely ate, he barely slept, he barely showed any emotions.

That last one was particularly concerning. Grace had always been a very expressive person. He wore his heart on his sleeve. Yáo had watched him completely fail to stifle a laugh during an important meeting when he overheard another scientist mutter an innuendo under his breath. He’d had what could only be described as a temper tantrum when Dr. Lokken had insulted one of his theories, throwing items around his lab while gritting out a plethora of non-curses. Ilyukhina had shown him a nature documentary one time and he’d openly cried when one of the animals died. When Dubois and Shapiro had propositioned him to be their third, he’d flushed so hard Yáo could practically feel the heat radiating off of him.

Suffice to say, Grace was someone who felt things openly and freely, which made it extremely worrisome when suddenly nothing seemed to affect him. After his initial panic when he woke up, his expressions of emotions were practically nonexistent. He seemed to stumble around the ship in a fog, only tuning into the present when someone was directly addressing him. Nothing they did or said seemed to phase him.

When Ilyukhina tried to show him some funny picture she’d found on the ship’s internet archive, Grace’s expression remained completely blank. He’d forced a chuckle before he awkwardly scooted away and went back to his notes. Yáo had put on a nature documentary in the mental health room one night, hoping to help Grace get some of his more memories back a little faster. Grace had remained completely stone-faced as a pack of wolves ripped a deer to pieces right on screen. When Ilyukhina broke down over missing her sister, Grace had numbly rubbed circles on her back while attempting to soothe her. His words hadn’t had any emotion behind them. They were completely flat, and Yáo ended up taking over the job of comforting her.

It was awful in every way. Yáo cursed Stratt every chance he got.

And then they reached Tau Ceti. They found another spaceship. They made contact with an alien.

Things changed in some ways and stayed the same in others. The side effects of the suppressants had settled somewhat, and genuine excitement had been able to break through the wall of nothingness. Yáo would never forget the first time he’d seen Grace smile while on that ship. It was like a weight had been lifted from the crew’s collective shoulders. Things felt easier.

They weren’t perfect, and Yáo knew it wouldn’t last. Grace still struggled to finish his meals. He drank more water than Yáo and Ilyukhina combined and complained that even with all of that, his mouth still felt dry. He seemed to flip from showing no emotions to being almost manic on a hair’s trigger. He could fall asleep, but he never stayed asleep for very long. Yáo was often woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of him getting out of bed to pace around the ship. But his newfound friendship with the alien— Rocky, as he’d decided to call him— seemed to be helping.

Even still, he still wouldn’t come to either of his human companions for support. Yáo was upset by this of course, but Ilyukhina really seemed to take his distance very hard. Yáo knew she didn’t have as good control over her instincts as he did. On top of that, she was a much more emotionally-charged person than Yáo was. It was really getting to her that her friend was not coming to her.

Soon, she began deteriorating in much the same way that Grace was. Yáo could recognize the signs of headspace sickness from a mile away. She hadn’t gone into her own headspace for a long time, and it was taking its toll on her. She became upset easily. Yáo frequently saw her blinking back tears over the most mundane things. The simplest of frustrations would send her spiraling, muttering and cursing and slamming things around. She constantly bugged anyone she could for something to do. Yáo recognized the overwhelming urge in her to be useful, to do things, to help in any way she could. It was something he had to learn how to control in himself. He’d learned to channel it into more productive things— system checks, cleaning, making up food for the others, teaching Rocky new words. Ilyukhina clearly was still struggling to figure out how to do that.

Time went on. The mission continued. Things were tenuous, but things were okay for the time being.

One day, about two months after they had established contact with Rocky, they were actually having a good day. All of them were hanging out together in the tunnel. Yáo was leaning against one wall, sitting up straight with his legs bent in front of him so he could prop his book up on his thighs. He hadn’t been able to take many on the mission with him, but he was able to bring a few of his favorites. Nineteen Eighty-Four was one that he could read over and over and still enjoy.

Ilyukhina was sitting against the wall opposite to Yáo, her head bent at an angle that made Yáo’s neck hurt just looking at it. She had one of her toolkits open next to her and was tinkering with some of the parts from her laptop. Grace sat a few meters away from her, just a few centimeters away from where Rocky was behind the xenonite wall. He was sitting cross-legged and was hunched over his own laptop as he sorted through some of the newer translation files.

Rocky, Ilyukhina, and Grace were making casual conversation, mostly talking about different cultural customs. Rocky was fascinated by the concept of Earth having so many distinct cultural identities, and he was even more fascinated by the fact that so many people who seemed so different were able to work together like the crew of the Mary was able to.

Somehow the conversation got on the topic of gender and sex. Grace had already explained that whole complicated mess before, but Rocky had lacked the words necessary at the time to adequately explain his own species’ concept of the two. According to him, Eridians did not put much thought into sex, and their concept of gender was practically nonexistent. Instead, pronouns and sex (or the Eridian equivalent of these) were similar to honorifics or general personal classifiers. Their species was quite hierarchical and placed a lot of importance on age and knowledge. Older Eridians were literal walking historical archives, and there was a big cultural focus on the passing down of this knowledge to younger generations. Eridian “pronouns” changed with age, with different classifiers being used according to an Eridian’s pool of accumulated knowledge.

It really was fascinating to hear about, so much so that Yáo was hardly paying attention to his book anymore. Grace was furiously tapping away on his laptop now. They had to stop every other sentence to define new words, and half of them didn’t have English equivalents. Most of them didn’t have equivalents in Mandarin or Russian either. Interestingly, Grace did draw some parallels between some of the terms and American Sign Language’s use of physical space to denote meaning and convey messages, as the Eridian language also relied heavily on gestures and physical space. Many of the “pronouns” were expressed as physical gestures. But that was about where the comparisons ended.

The conversation eventually shifted back to Earth’s ideas of sex and gender. Rocky, now able to articulate much more than he had been able to a few weeks ago, had an endless amount of questions. The concept of there being such a thing as intersex was of particular interest to him. He was fascinated by the concept of there being an “in-between” when it came to biological sex.

”Human sex not mean gender, correct?”

“Yeah bud, that’s right,” said Grace, not looking up from his laptop. “The traditional ideas of sex and gender have them match up, but real life isn’t actually that neat. There’s more than two sexes and there are more than two genders. A lot of sexes don’t have an equivalent gender assigned to them, and vice versa. Biology and gender expression aren’t as simple as people want them to be.”

”Understand,” Rocky hummed. ”Humans can be any combination?”

Grace shrugged. “I mean, theoretically, yeah. There’s an infinite number of ways those things can match up. And a lot of people just aren’t sure about it.”

Rocky shifted his weight from his front legs to his back legs and then back again. ”Human sex and gender complicated, statement.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Grace chuckled.

Rocky paused to think. ”Anything about humans that is neat, question?”

“There’s not much that fits into concrete categories. Pretty much everything has exceptions.”

Ilyukhina hummed, catching all of their attention. “I can think of one thing with no exceptions.”

Grace stared at her blankly for a moment before he shook his head. “Classifications aren’t like that,” he said. “That’s a common misconception.”

“You are either Little, Caregiver, or Baseline. There is no ‘in-between,’ as you say.”

“That’s not true. Baselines can lean in one direction or another. And that’s not even talking about how you can change Classifications.”

“Rocky,” Ilyukhina said. Rocky tilted his carapace toward her. Grace had pointed out a few days ago that it was a behavior he seemed to have picked up from being around all of them. He used it to indicate he was paying attention to something. “Does Erid have Classifications?”

”No understand word,” Rocky whistled.

“Classification?” Ilyukhina guessed.

Rocky clicked. ”Yes.”

“Classifications are… hm, how to explain this?” She crossed one leg over the other and bounced it rhythmically. “Grace, you explain. You are clearly the expert here.”

Yáo set his book face-down against his thighs. He went to cut in and remind Ilyukhina rather bluntly that perhaps it was not a wise idea to make Grace talk about Classifications, but Grace answered before he got the chance to.

“I’m a molecular biologist, not a— you know what, whatever,” he grumbled. He scooted closer to Rocky, until his shoulder was pressed up against the xenonite wall. “Rocky, you remember how we defined sex and gender, right?”

”Yes, yes,” he said, bouncing a little. ”Both categories. Sex category based on genes, hormones, and body parts. Gender category based on brain feeling. New word like this, question?”

“Kind of.” Grace sniffed and adjusted his glasses. “Classifications are kind of like a secondary sex. I think we talked about puberty right?”

Rocky gave a violent, full-body shudder. Yáo had to stifle a chuckle at that. He picked his book back up again, but he made no attempt to read it. Even if he wanted to, he wasn’t sure he could tune out of the conversation at this point. He was fully invested. ”Puberty very disgust. Humans grow quickly and get leaky leaky leaky.”

“Very leaky,” Grace agreed, snickering. “We go through a second kind of puberty later on. Well, actually, let me correct that: it kind of happens alongside the first puberty. It starts a few years after our normal puberty starts, while it’s still going on.”

”More leaky?!” Rocky warbled, sounding absolutely dismayed.

“No, no, not more leaky,” Grace laughed. Yáo and Ilyukhina laughed along with him. “Normal puberty happens in early adolescence, usually beginning around the ages of ten to twelve. That’s when you develop your secondary sex characteristics.”

”Second sex characteristics related to new word, question?”

Huh. That was actually a smart connection. Grace seemed to think so too, given the surprised expression on his face. “No, they’re different things,” he was quick to correct. “Secondary sex characteristics are things related to our biological sex that don’t show up until puberty or even later than that— like breasts in women, for example.”

”Explain second puberty now,” Rocky demanded, stamping his foot.

“Patience, bud,” Grace laughed, knocking a fist against the xenonite. Rocky trilled. “Around fifteen or so, humans start developing in a different way. These changes are mostly internal, though there are different characteristics related to them that can be present from a younger age and are more physically obvious. The changes in hormones result in a bunch of different mental and behavioral changes, and they’re not at all related to our biological sex.”

Rocky listened intently, leaning forward as his trills and chirps dampened. ”What are changes, question?”

Grace hummed, leaning back a bit. “It depends on a person’s Classification,” he replied. “Classifications are the word for these different hormonal and behavioral categories. Just like how biological males and females are different, each Classification is different. We classify people broadly as either a Caregiver, a Little, or a Baseline. There’s subcategories within all of those, and some people can be in kind of a gray area or have tendencies for multiple Classifications— kind of like being intersex. You can even change Classifications if you undergo enough stress or trauma.”

Yáo leaned forward, all pretenses of not paying attention completely abandoned. Ilyukhina looked equally as invested. He’d heard all of this before, of course— health class hadn’t been completely useless— but it was interesting to hear it from a biologist and not from an underpaid school teacher with very little scientific background.

Well, technically Grace had also been an underpaid schoolteacher. But he was a biologist first, and that was all that really mattered.

Grace was quiet for a few seconds to let Rocky process this onslaught of new information before he continued. “Baselines are essentially just regular people. They don’t tend to have any noticeable hormonal differences from before. Sometimes they can lean in one direction or another, but that’s not the majority. With me so far?”

”Yes, understand,” Rocky said slowly. ”Explain more.”

Grace hummed. He adjusted himself against the xenonite, shifting a little uncomfortably. “Littles have a biological tendency towards dependency, care-seeking, and comfort-seeking. They enter what is called a ‘headspace’ when they are overwhelmed, stressed, or in need of comfort. A ‘headspace’ is a younger mental state where a Little becomes reliant on other people to take care of them.”

Yáo and Ilyukhina exchanged a brief glance.

“Caregivers are basically the opposite,” he continued, sounding entirely detached from his own explanation now. He didn’t seem to notice the concerned looks Yáo and Ilyukhina were now sending him. “They have strong protective and caring instincts. They’re biologically predisposed to care for Littles.”

Rocky tapped his claws on the ground a few times. ”Am confused,” he admitted. ”Categories like children and parents, question? But Categories are adults?”

“It’s not exactly parent and child,” Grace corrected gently. “Littles are still adults, it’s just that they need more comfort and support, and they get that by going back to a younger headspace. Caregivers are naturally wired to respond to Littles and care for them.” His voice went quieter. “It’s a perfect system. Everyone gets what they need.”

Rocky was silent as he processed the new information. ”Understand now,” he said eventually, perking up. ”Result of evolution, question?”

“That’s the current theory,” said Grace, leaning back in a blatant attempt to seem casual. It wasn’t working very well. The tightness in his face, the pressing of his lips, and the furrow in his brow were enough to tell. “There’s other evolutionary benefits, as well. Scientists think it helps Caregivers prepare for parenthood and just generally be better parents. And since Littles thrive with positive social interaction, that’s thought to have been a way to bring early human tribes closer together.”

”Human Categories fascinating,” Rocky said. ”Amaze, amaze, amaze.”

Grace chuckled. “I guess it is pretty amaze, huh?”

Rocky hummed. ”Erid does not do this,” he said. “No equivalent word.”

“Wanna make one up?” Grace flexed his fingers over the keyboard.

Rocky hummed again, contemplating this. ”Will call ♬♩♬♭,” he replied. Yáo recognized the word for “category,” but there was an extra bit at the beginning that neither he nor the translation software picked up. Sometimes that happened when Rocky combined words. Yáo was no linguist, but he guessed that Rocky sometimes dropped some of the notes when combining words together. ”Human and Categories,” he clarified, saying the words separately and proving Yáo correct.

Grace typed the translation into the software. “Want words for the Classifications, too?”

Rocky seemed to consider this. He rattled off a couple different new words, translating them one by one as he went. “Baseline” was a mashup of “normal” and “human”; “Little” was a combination of the words for “child,” “hormone,” and “human”; and “Caregiver” ended up being a combination of the new franken-word for “Little” and “parent.” Yáo listened to all of it, but he noticed Ilyukhina drifting away from the conversation, which was understandable.

Eventually they had compiled a translation for all of the new words. Rocky trilled happily and wiggled his carapace back and forth. ”Good good good!” He waved his claws around in the air. ”Am curious. What crew Classification, question?”

The tunnel went eerily silent for a moment, before Yáo decided to be the one to break it. “I’m a Caregiver,” he said, speaking for the first time in a while. “So is Ilyukhina.”

Rocky chirped. ”Grace Caregiver too, question?”

Grace set the laptop aside and stood abruptly. He pointedly avoided looking at anyone as he walked quickly back to the ship. He couldn’t exactly slam the door, but it did seem to close noticeably harsher than usual.

”Am confused,” said Rocky, trilling anxiously. ”Grace upset. Rocky make mistake, question?”

“Ah– no, no,” Ilyukhina was quick to placate him. She sat up straighter, sending a nervous glance back towards the ship. “This is just a sensitive subject for Gracie. That’s all.”

At Rocky’s confused warble, Yáo elaborated further. “Grace is a Little,” he said. Rocky made a noise of surprise. “But he can’t go into his headspace.”

”Why not?” Rocky pressed.

Yáo sighed, wringing his hands. He cracked his knuckles all at once. “On Earth, we have these things called ‘suppressants.’ They’re medications that mess with your hormones and can prevent Littles and Caregivers from going into their headspaces.”

”Grace take suppressants?” Rocky tapped a claw on the ground.

“The people who sent us here programmed our medical bot to give him a large dose of suppressants before he woke up,” Yáo explained. He ran a hand over his face, trying to ignore his racing heart. “Their reasoning was that Grace would not be able to complete the mission if he went into his headspace. We don’t know if he’ll ever be able to go into his headspace again.”

”Never again?” Rocky warbled, leaning forward. He sounded absolutely distraught.

“We don’t know,” said Yáo. “He could. Maybe. We don’t know.”

Ilyukhina tensed. Her hand clenched into a tight fist at her side. “Damn Stratt,” she bit. “She should’ve known how much this would make him suffer.”

Yáo couldn’t think of any kind of response to that other than a vaguely acknowledging hum.

”Grace suffer, question?!” Rocky’s despair only grew.

“Not going into your headspace can have disastrous consequences on your physical and mental health,” Yáo explained, maintaining his composure. Someone had to stay calm around here, after all.

“He has no way to deal with stress,” said Ilyukhina. “His main coping mechanism has been completely ripped away from him. He can’t process anything in a healthy way, and he’s been suffering for it.”

Rocky made a sound that could only be described as a cross between a shriek, a moan, and a low groaning hum. The song resonated throughout the tunnel, the vibrations strong enough to rattle Yáo to his bones.

“Rocky,” Yáo muttered, pushing himself forward to place a comforting hand to the xenonite.

”Not fair,” Rocky moaned, bumping the top of his carapace against the panel.

“No, it’s not,” Yáo agreed. “But this is the hand we’ve been dealt, so we have to make do.”

”No understand phrases.”

Yáo smiled sadly and picked up the abandoned laptop. Grace wasn’t here, so he’d have to pick up the slack. “The first phrase: ‘to play the hand you’ve been dealt.’ This means that while you do not have control over a situation, you must accept it and do the best with what you have. The second phrase: ‘to make do.’ This is a very similar phrase. It means to use what is available although what you have is not sufficient or preferable.”

Rocky hummed. ”Erid has similar phrase,” he said.

“Yeah?”

”’Build with the stones beneath you.’ Means to use resources you have, even if not very good or strong.”

“That is very similar,” Ilyukhina agreed.

“And it’s a good saying to remember,” Yáo added. “That’s what this whole mission is about, is it not?”

Rocky tapped his claws together in thought. ”Yáo? Ilyukhina?” he said after a long moment.

“Yes?” Yáo answered for both of them.

”We make do with Grace.”

“Yes,” Ilyukhina agreed. “We will help him however we can.”

Rocky hummed. ”I help.”

“Of course you can help,” said Yáo.

”Good,” he trilled. ”We build with the stones beneath us.”

Yáo smiled faintly. “We will.” He set his book down and stood slowly, leaning from side to side as he stretched. “I’m going to go find Grace,” he announced. “See if I can convince him to eat something.”

“Or sleep,” added Ilyukhina, going back to tinkering with her laptop.

“Or sleep,” Yáo agreed with a chuckle. “Don’t trash the place while I’m gone.”

“Okay, Dad.” Ilyukhina stuck her tongue out at him without looking up.

Yáo chuckled again and left just as Rocky began interrogating Ilyukhina on what that meant.

.

.

.

The weeks passed quickly. Before they knew it, Rocky had moved in with them permanently, slotting himself in like he was always meant to be the fourth member of their crew. The ship was suddenly a lot more cramped, but Yáo found he didn’t mind it.

What he did mind, though, was the rapidly-deteriorating mental states of the two other humans aboard the Hail Mary. Grace and Ilyukhina were progressively worsening, both suffering the effects of severe headspace sickness. Worst of all, there was basically nothing Yáo could do to fix it, which was making him veer dangerously into headspace sickness territory as well. The only one who was not being driven absolutely insane by their instincts was the only being on the ship who did not have any instincts to begin with.

Grace was quickly losing most of the muscle mass he had gained during his coma. He just wouldn’t eat anything. Yáo was certain it was because of the suppressants. But now that Ilyukhina was becoming headspace-sick, she too was beginning to lose her appetite. At least Ilyukhina made herself choke everything down. Nobody could convince Grace to do the same.

Yáo knew he wasn’t sleeping, either. His bunk was almost never occupied. Yáo was a restless sleeper and often woke up during the night. Sometimes he would see Grace laying in his bed, but it was rare that he was ever actually asleep. He seemed to have to work himself to the brink of collapse to even have a chance at falling asleep, which clearly was taking a toll on him both mentally and physically.

Ilyukhina was practically the opposite. She could fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but she frequently woke early and could never get back to sleep. On Earth, Ilyukhina was well-known for her unfortunate habit of sleeping in ridiculously late, often missing meetings and trainings and other important things. Now, she woke up far before Yáo did. Yáo almost considered telling Rocky there was no point in watching them sleep, since there was never a time when all three of them were asleep at the same time.

So, long story short, things were bad, and Yáo was caught directly in the middle of it all. His inability to offer any kind of solution was driving him a little crazy. There were many times where he came close to pulling out his hair in pure frustration. But he always checked himself, always met whatever problems came up with a logical solution, never let his instincts get the better of him. He had to keep it together. After all, if he came unraveled, who would make sure Ilyukhina and Grace were okay?

Which led him to where he was now, leaning up against the doorway of the laboratory with his arms crossed disapprovingly over his chest as Grace poured over his astrophage notes.

“Grace. You should come to bed now.” Yáo was barely keeping his own eyes open at this point. And maybe he knew this was useless, but he had to try.

Grace, predictably, didn’t look up from his laptop. “I’ll be there in a bit,” he said.

Yáo’s eyes flicked down to Grace’s hands. His fingers stilled over the keyboard. Yáo could see them shaking even from where he was standing.

“At least come eat something,” he frowned. “You haven’t left this room in hours.”

“I had food earlier,” Grace said, waving a hand dismissively in the air.

Yáo closed his eyes and gave a silent, frustrated huff. “You had breakfast.”

“So? That’s food.”

“That was fourteen hours ago.”

“Uh huh.”

“Grace.”

Grace slammed his fists on the table and stood abruptly. The chair screeched against the floor as he shot upright. “Leave me alone!” he barked, spinning around to face Yáo. “I don’t need a Caregiver telling me what to do!”

Yáo caught himself right as he opened his mouth to give an equally-hostile retort. He wanted nothing more to yell, to take control, to make Grace understand the harm he was doing to himself. Every bone in his body was screaming at him to take care of this little boy and undo all the months of neglect induced by the suppressants.

But… he didn’t. He couldn’t. It wasn’t his place, because Grace wasn’t a little boy, was he? He physically couldn’t be anymore. It would be cruel for Yáo to go into his own headspace and try to take care of Grace like a Little, because that part of him was buried now. Regardless of his Classification, Grace was an adult. He couldn’t enter his headspace anymore. Yáo couldn’t do that to him.

So, Yáo conceded. “You’re right,” he said, loosening his stance into something more approachable.

Grace blinked. “What?” he sputtered, tensing up.

“You’re right,” Yáo repeated. He sniffed and leaned more of his weight into the doorframe. “You don’t, so I will tell you this as a friend instead: please eat something and come to bed sometime tonight.”

Grace shifted. He crossed his arms over his chest and hunched in on himself. “That sure sounds like a Caregiver telling me what to do.”

“I am just giving you my opinion,” Yáo replied, keeping his tone carefully casual. “As your friend, I am deeply concerned for your well-being. I think it would be good for you to take a break from your work, but I respect your autonomy to make your own decisions.”

Yáo bit back a wince. That had definitely come across far too clinical, and Yáo knew Grace could tell.

“Oooooh…kay?” Grace raised an eyebrow, eyeing him suspiciously. “Is… is that it?”

“That’s it.” Yáo could read between the lines and tell when he was overstaying his welcome. “Ilyukhina and I are going to bed now. I’ve left some food out for you on your bed, if you decide to join us.”

“Okay,” said Grace. He still sounded a little baffled, shifting uncomfortably where he stood, but he seemed to relax a bit at the assurance that Yáo was not going to force him into doing anything or treat him like a Little in headspace.

Yáo pushed off the doorway and turned on his heel. “Goodnight, Grace,” he said, leaving Grace to his research.

He made his way back to the crew’s quarters, trying to quell the lingering pull of his instincts in his chest, demanding him to turn back around and coax Grace into regressing. He paused and closed his eyes to focus better, shook his head, and continued on.

Both Rocky and Ilyukhina looked over as he entered. Rocky was sitting next to Ilyukhina’s bed and was making something out of xenonite. Ilyukhina was sitting cross-legged on her bed, dressed in a ratty old band tee and a pair of worn red plaid pajama bottoms. She had her journal propped open in her lap.

“No luck?” she asked, glancing unsubtly behind him.

Yáo shook his head and lifted his arms. “I strongly encouraged him to take a break,” he said, tugging his sweater off as he made his way over to his own bed, “but you know Grace.”

Ilyukhina snorted. “He will probably be passed out over his desk when we go out tomorrow.” At Rocky’s shrill sound of alarm, she quickly clarified: “‘Passed out’ is another word for sleeping!”

This seemed to placate him slightly. He fidgeted with the claws of one of his free arms. ”Grace sleep alone?” he trilled worriedly.

“Probably,” said Ilyukhina. She placed a hand on the xenonite ball. “Humans do that, remember?”

”Still not right,” Rocky insisted. ”Rocky cannot watch both.”

“How about you wake one of us up if Grace goes to sleep?” Yáo suggested, draping his sweater from one of the hooks on the wall by his bed.

Rocky shuffled in place, pausing his frantic weaving. ”Agree,” he said. ”Will wake you or Ilyukhina, question?”

“How about me?” Yáo suggested, eyeing the bags under Ilyukhina’s eyes. She did not need to be losing even more sleep right now.

“I don’t mind,” Ilyukhina frowned. “I can do it.”

“Yes, well, he is already annoyed with me,” Yáo smiled mirthlessly. “There’s no reason for him to be annoyed with you, too.”

Ilyukhina’s frown deepened, but soon she conceded with a shrug. “Fine by me.”

”Will wake Yáo,” said Rocky. He fell silent and went back to whatever xenonite contraption he was working on.

Ilyukhina yawned and stretched her arms above her head. “Who knew Littles are just as fussy when they are Big?”

Yáo laughed. He began to undress, and Ilyukhina politely looked down at her journal. “A Little is a Little, regressed or not,” he said, pulling his shirt off and tossing it into the bin they were using as a laundry hamper. “They’re all a little fussy when they’re Big.”

Ilyukhina’s frown finally dissolved, and she too began to laugh. “Do you remember Steve Hatch?”

Yáo chuckled and untied the sleeves of his jumpsuit from around his hips. “How could I forget?” He tugged the jumpsuit down and stepped out of it. He folded it and set it on top of one of his clothing chests to rewear tomorrow. “He left an impression.”

“He was a riot, Big or Small. Poor Dimitri had to deal with him, remember?”

Yáo remembered. “I think the only person Hatch ever listened to was Stratt, and even then it was a toss-up.” He pulled on an old crewneck and a soft pair of joggers and climbed into bed.

“That man really was such a pain,” Ilyukhina said, though her tone was kind. “He never listened to anyone.”

“Mm. True.” Yáo pulled the sheet and quilt down and shimmied his way underneath. “But that’s a good thing, no? Littles should have a mind of their own.”

Ilyukhina hummed, glancing over at him. “I agree.”

“I think our instincts can get the better of us sometimes. We want to fix everything, and we think we know best. We have to learn to step away sometimes.”

Yáo was not being very subtle tonight, apparently, but this didn’t seem to phase Ilyukhina. She twirled her pen in the air and acknowledged him with a vague, “yeah.”

“Grace will come to us when he is ready,” said Yáo, moving his arm to rest beneath his head. “We just have to be patient.”

“What are you trying to say?” Ilyukhina raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m just saying, we have to give him some space for now. He doesn’t need overbearing.”

“I am… very bad at knowing when to back away.” Ilyukhina shot him a sheepish smile.

“It’s something you pick up with experience,” Yáo replied, rolling over onto his back. He clasped his hands over his front. “It is in our nature to be overbearing.”

Ilyukhina grunted and ran her thumb over the case of her pen. “How long did it take you to get control over your instincts?”

“I wouldn’t say I have control over them,” he corrected. “Nobody does. You can’t completely suppress your instincts. But I’ve learned how to respond to them. Twenty years, three Littles, and two children will do that.”

“Three Littles?” Ilyukhina whistled. “How did you find the time for that?”

Yáo laughed. “This was a long time ago. Two were during college, and one was while I was doing my pilot training. I went into all of them knowing they wouldn’t last. It was kind of a mutual thing. We all have needs that have to be taken care of. It was the most logical solution.”

Ilyukhina clicked her pen idly. “I’ve never had a Little,” she admitted quietly. “I’ve babysat, but I’ve never had the time for a Little of my own.”

Yáo hummed. “That’s not a bad thing.” Most Caregivers in their line of work were in very similar boats. Yáo was the odd man out in a lot of those circles. He’d always had particularly strong instincts, and he’d found it challenging to focus on his studies or his training without any kind of outlet for that energy. Hence why he had cared for so many Littles.

“No,” she said, a little sadly, “but I have always wanted one.”

Both of them were quiet for a moment, before Ilyukhina’s voice suddenly hitched. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” she said.

Yáo turned his head to look properly over at her, eyebrows raising.

“There is a Little in the other room,” she whimpered. “It’s killing me that I can’t take care of him. My instincts have never been this loud before.” She rubbed her chest and hunched in on herself.

Yáo sat up, the blankets pooling around his waist. He looked over at Ilyukhina with a frown. She dragged a hand down her face and swiped a stray tear from her cheek.

“God, sorry,” she sniffled. “I am such a mess.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Yáo’s frown deepened. “You’re allowed to be upset. It’s not good to keep everything inside.”

Ilyukhina wiped her face again and hugged one of her legs to her chest. She rested her cheek against her knee and looked at him with big, sad eyes. “How did you walk away from him before?”

Yáo rubbed his thumb over his knuckles. “It was hard,” he admitted openly. He twisted his wedding band around his finger. “Everything in me was saying to pick him up and drag him back here. But I knew that wouldn’t help. I just had to tell myself I was doing the best thing I could for him, and I had to trust that he would make the right decision on his own.”

Ilyukhina worried the fabric of her pajama bottoms between her fingers. “You are stronger than me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it,” she said. “I would have forced him to come back with me.”

“And that’s why I checked on him and not you,” Yáo teased gently. She nodded, but remained stony-faced. Yáo sighed. “These are incredibly extenuating circumstances. There is nothing we can do other than let him know we are here for him and offer to help in subtler ways.” He sighed, fingers pausing their twisting of the wedding band. “He is in an adult headspace. He has to be the one to make those calls, even if every instinct in us is screaming that he shouldn’t be.”

“Mm.” Ilyukhina sat up, reaching to her side to pick up her teddy bear. It had been a gift from her sister, from when they had first moved onto the Vat. Ilyukhina hugged it to her chest and began to idly rock to and fro.

Yáo’s chest ached. He used to do the same thing when he was younger, when things got particularly bad. Whether she realized it or not, Ilyukhina was nearly at the same point as Grace was— that point being right on the verge of a total breakdown.

“I know you’re probably right. It’s just hard to accept that, you know? It’s hard not being able to do anything.” She hugged the stuffed animal impossibly tighter. Tears pricked at her eyes again and threatened to fall. “I hate feeling so helpless.”

The tears began to fall, and though Ilyukhina was not a Little, Yáo’s instincts tugged at him regardless. He flung off the covers completely, throwing his legs over the side of his cot and quickly making his way over to hers. He sat down on the edge of her bed. She avoided his gaze and ran her fingers through the bear’s scraggly fur. He reached out and pulled her into his arms.

She melted into the embrace. A shuddery sob overtook her. She wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed. He hugged her tighter in reply. She shuddered again, then began to weep openly into his shoulder.

For a moment, Yáo could almost imagine that he was back on Earth, holding little Yu Jie and Xiao Yu in his arms. The memory of their final goodbye hung heavily over him as he rubbed his hand up and down Ilyukhina’s back in broad strokes. He’d held onto his daughters for so long, unwilling to part with them until the last possible second. Both of them had cried, but only Yu Jie had understood what was happening. Xiao Yu had been too little.

Yu Jie would be about seventeen now, and Xiao Yu would be fourteen. He wondered what they were like now. He wanted more than anything to see the beautiful young women they had no doubt grown into. Their absence left a hole in his chest that would never be filled.

Yáo didn’t cry, but it was a very near thing. He had to hold it together for Ilyukhina's sake— for everyone's sake. He had to be strong, composed, unbreakable.

Eventually Ilyukhina pulled away, sniffling and furiously wiping her eyes. Yáo kept a steady hand on her shoulder until she composed herself. He only dropped it when her tears fully dried. He remained sitting where he was.

“Thank you,” she sniffed.

Yáo melted, his face softening somehow even more. “Of course.” He reached out to wipe a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Feel better now?”

She nodded, hugging her teddy bear.

“See? Crying is a good thing,” he smiled, pinching her cheek.

That got a laugh out of her. “Shut up,” she chuckled, swatting his hand away.

He laughed in response and got up to go back to his own bed. “I think we should both sleep now,” he said, crawling under the covers once again. “It’s getting late.”

Ilyukhina leveled him with a deadpan stare. “We are in space. Day/night cycles are completely irrelevant.”

“You know what I mean. Relatively speaking, it’s late. We both need sleep. We can circle back to this in the morning.”

At Ilyukhina’s teasing eyebrow raise, he sighed. “We can circle back to this in eight hours,” he corrected with a dramatic eye-roll. “Happy?”

“Very.” She sat the teddy bear in her lap and picked up her journal again.

The Mary dimmed the overhead lights at Ilyukhina’s quiet command, leaving only the light by her bed turned on. “I’m going to write in my journal for a little while,” she said, clicking her pen.

Yáo nodded. “Alright. Don’t stay up too late, though.”

“I won’t.”

Yáo smiled. His gaze lingered briefly on Rocky, who was still deeply focused on the xenonite contraption he was making. Rocky “looked” up at them and paused his weaving.

”Yáo will sleep now, question?” he asked.

Yáo hummed. “Yes. You’ll make sure Ilyukhina gets to bed soon too, right?”

”Yes, yes,” Rocky brushed him off. ”Go to sleep now, statement.”

Yáo was strangely reminded of his girls again— specifically, how Yu Jie used to climb on his bed when he was little and demand that he wake up at a far too unreasonable hour to put on her favorite cartoon. The contexts may have been very different, but the sentiment was the same. Turns out, toddlers and Eridians were quite similar in their level of demanding.

He smiled briefly. “Yes yes, I’m going to sleep now. Hush.”

”Goodnight, Yáo.”

“Goodnight, Rocky.”

“Hey, where is my goodnight?” Ilyukhina complained.

Rocky bristled, as if the thought of not bidding Ilyukhina a goodnight was offensive to him. ”Will say goodnight to Ilyukhina when Ilyukhina go to sleep.”

“Good. You had me worried there for a second.”

“Quiet, both of you,” Yáo shushed. He rolled over, facing away from the light. He closed his eyes and let the pull of sleep finally overtake him.

.

.

.

Yáo jolted awake to the sound of something crashing in the room. He sat up, heart thudding in his chest as he tried to gain awareness of his surroundings. His eyes took a minute to adjust to the near-darkness of the room before they settled on Rocky, who was skittering quickly over to his bed. His xenonite ball clattered loudly against the floor. He knocked himself over with the force of his movements.

“Rocky?” he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Beside him, he could see Ilyukhina pushing herself up onto one elbow.

”Grace hurt!” Rocky cried, scrambling back onto his feet. ”Grace leaking! Bad bad bad! Come quickly!”

Rocky didn’t wait for them to reply, turning and scampering out of the room without checking to see if they were following him.

Yáo’s lingering sleepiness vanished completely. He threw his covers off and hurried to follow after the Eridian. Ilyukhina wasn’t far behind. A million worst-case scenarios raced through his mind as the three of them ran the short distance to the lab.

How had Grace gotten hurt? Was the ship damaged somehow? No, Mary would have set off about half a dozen alarms by now if that was the case. A lab experiment gone wrong seemed more likely. Yáo had seen the aftermath of many a failed experiment back on the Vat. But what was there for Grace to experiment on? The astrophage? The xenonite? Something to do with Rocky’s atmosphere? It didn’t make any sense.

Rocky urged them on into the lab, barely avoiding crashing into the doorframe as he raced inside. Before Yáo and Ilyukhina even got there, they could hear the sound of wailing coming from inside. Yáo’s heart sank to his stomach like a bag of rocks. Shit, Grace really was hurt.

He listened more intently. A sudden wave of something crashed through him, almost knocking him to his knees with the intensity of it all. It was like something was squeezing his heart and twisting cruelly, tugging him violently towards the lab.

That was… oh no. He didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t make himself believe it.

Ilyukhina must have felt the same thing he did, because she stopped at exactly the same time as Yáo. The two of them exchanged a fearful glance.

“That sounds like…” Ilyukhina’s voice trailed off.

Yáo nodded shortly.

”Come!” Rocky shrieked from inside the room.

His voice jolted Yáo and Ilyukhina back into action. They continued on into the lab. It took Yáo a second to process the sight before him, but once he did, he became frozen in the same way he was in the hallway. All of his suspicions were immediately confirmed.

Grace was curled up on the floor in the fetal position. One of his ankles was wrapped around the leg of the desk chair. Yáo had the sinking suspicion that he had tripped over it in his tired haze. One of Grace’s hands tugged furiously at his hair. The other one was balled into a fist and was slamming repeatedly against his forehead. He was absolutely hysterical. He had clearly been going at it for a while, because his voice was hoarse from the effort of his sobbing. Each cry crackled painfully on the way out, but he couldn’t seem to make himself stop.

”Help Grace!” Rocky cried, running around the room in frantic motions.

Yáo was the first to break out of his stupor. He rushed forward, pushing down the icy fear crawling up his spine as he came to kneel in front of Grace. He leaned forward while he frantically searched Grace for injuries.

“Grace,” he said, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. “Grace, look at me.”

Grace didn’t seem to hear him. He just kept tugging his hair and hitting himself. His forehead was bright red. Yáo was sure he would have some nasty bruises tomorrow.

Yáo wasn’t swayed by this. Instead, he reached out and grabbed Grace’s wrists, halting his movements. Grace tried to wrestle his hands free, but just as Yáo suspected, he was nowhere near as strong as he usually was. It was easy to keep his hands in place.

“Stop,” he said, much more evenly this time. “You’re hurting yourself.”

Grace choked on another sob. His breath hitched and he let out a very loud wail. He tried to curl further in on himself.

“Yáo,” Ilyukhina said from somewhere above him. Her voice shook.

“I know,” he said. “Can you go get his quilt, please?”

Ilyukhina made a few aborted noises. “I- uh- shit. Yeah, yes.” She snapped herself out of whatever daze she was in and rushed off back to the crew’s quarters.

”What is happening?” Rocky trilled anxiously, hovering nearby. ”Grace fell off the chair, and now Grace hurt self.”

Well, that confirmed Yáo’s earlier suspicions. He pressed his lips into a thin line, but didn’t answer right away. Grace suddenly yanked one of his hands free of Yáo’s grasp and began to scratch violently at his face. Yáo shot his hand out and caught his wrist before he could do any real damage. Still, the scratching had left quickly-reddening marks all down his cheeks.

“Give me a few minutes,” he replied once he was certain Grace was not an immediate danger to himself. “I need to calm him down.”

Rocky made another anxious noise, but obediently fell silent. Grace’s sobs crescendoed louder somehow. One of them caught in his throat and sent him into an ugly-sounding gagging fit. He heaved a few times.

Yáo moved quickly. He released Grace’s wrists just long enough to hook his hands under Grace’s arms and lifted him up. Grace’s arms flung out in surprise before started to go right back towards his face, but Yáo hauled him into his lap before he could hurt himself again. He pulled Grace’s arms so they were in front of him, his hands squished against his collarbone. He wrapped his own arms around Grace and squeezed as tightly as he could. The position trapped Grace’s arms between their bodies, rendering him completely unable to move them.

Grace screamed and writhed in his grip. He flung his head back, nearly knocking against Yáo’s chin in the process. Yáo’s heart dropped, but he never faltered in his grip. He refused to relent, just holding Grace against him as tightly as he could without making it painful. He didn’t think he’d ever seen a Little so dysregulated before. Poor Grace must have been completely overwhelmed with his headspace. Yáo wondered distantly if he even remembered what it was like to regress normally, or if this would be the only basis he had for his headspace going forward.

He pushed that thought away for the time being and focused back on the bundle in his lap.

“Don’t fight it,” he said firmly. “You’ll only make it worse. Come on. Deep breaths.”

Grace struggled to obey. He took a few stunted, shuddery inhales.

“There you go,” Yáo murmured.

The fight slowly bled out of the other man, his heaves dissolving into gasps and eventually into heavy breaths and a steady, quiet stream of tears.

“I’ve got it,” Ilyukhina announced her return, reentering the lab with the aforementioned quilt piled high in her arms. She leapt over to them and unfurled the blanket. She draped it over their shoulders, taking extra care to tuck it securely around Grace.

Grace seemed to settle down even more at the feeling of the quilt around him. He went almost completely limp and tucked his face into Yáo’s neck. His tears quickly soaked the collar of Yáo’s crewneck. Grace whimpered and hiccuped. Yáo felt his hands flex uselessly where they were trapped between the two of them.

“That’s it,” Yáo crooned, pressing his cheek to the top of Grace’s head. “Just relax. Keep taking those deep breaths. That’s a good boy.”

Grace whined quietly. Yáo modeled a few deep breaths for him, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Grace matched him and Yáo began to feel his heart rate slow.

”Explain now, question?” Rocky piped up again.

Yáo began rocking slowly from side to side. He rubbed a firm hand up and down Grace’s back. Grace took a shuddery inhale and pressed his face even harder into Yáo’s neck.

Yáo cleared his throat. “Do you remember how we talked about Classifications a little while ago?”

He knew the question was rhetorical, but Rocky still answered it. ”Yes, remember. Grace say humans are Little, Baseline, or Caregiver. Classifications are biological and necessary for health.”

“That’s right,” Yáo hummed. Ilyukhina crouched down next to the two of them and beckoned Rocky over to sit with them in a little circle. “Do you remember our Classifications?”

”Crew say Yáo and Ilyukhina Caregiver, say Grace Little,” Rocky continued with a note of sadness. ”No way for Grace to be Little because of Evil Stratt. Neglect headspace is bad bad bad.”

Ilyukhina reached her hand out and pressed it to the front of the xenonite ball. “Yes, that’s right. Grace cannot regress because of Stratt’s suppressants,” she answered. Yáo was secretly thankful for her stepping in to take over the explaining. He wasn’t sure he could have found the words to explain all of this properly right now— not with a hysterical Little in his lap desperately seeking his comfort.

Rocky tilted his carapace. ”Why talk about Classifications, question?”

“Well,” said Ilyukhina, turning to look at Yáo and Grace. “It seems the suppressants have worn off.”

Yáo almost scoffed. Oh, they’d ‘worn off,’ alright. More like Grace had pushed himself so far beyond his limits and ignored so many of his basic needs that there was no suppressant Stratt could ever have given him that could ever have hoped to stave off the massive amounts of stress he’d brought on himself. If it hadn’t been completely unintentional and completely stupid, Yáo might have commended him for finding a way to break through it.

He didn’t voice any of this out loud, though. Instead, he kept his composure and allowed himself to slowly sink into his own headspace. A comfortable warmth settled over his mind like the blanket over his shoulders. His instincts begged him to hold the bundle in his arms closer, and for once he listened to them, squeezing Grace tighter and running his fingers through his hair while he continued to rock him.

There was a long second while this was happening while Rocky processed the new information. He suddenly jolted upright, leaning forward. ”Grace Little now, question?” he said urgently.

Ilyukhina took her hand off the xenonite and placed it on Grace’s shoulder instead. She stroked him softly through the thick fabric of the quilt. “It appears that way.”

She was struggling to get her words out, Yáo suddenly noticed, coming briefly out of the haze of his headspace. She was pushing her own headspace back for the sake of remaining focused enough to talk to Rocky. After what had happened just hours before, Yáo couldn’t let her suppress herself like that anymore.

“Ilyukhina,” he said shortly.

She turned to him with big, hazy eyes. “Hm?”

Ah. She was already halfway there, it seemed. Well, no time to waste, then. Yáo only hoped what he was going to do wouldn’t make Grace start crying again.

Yáo took a deep breath and snaked his hands back around to Grace’s front. He pushed Grace away from his neck and ignored the deep churning feeling of wrongness in his stomach as he did so. He lifted Grace up off of his thighs and quickly settled him back down into Ilyukhina’s lap.

Ilyukhina watched with wide eyes, barely seeming to process what was happening. Yáo could see the moment that her instincts kicked in. She opened her arms and accepted Grace with eagerness, settling him against her like Yáo had done. She didn’t pin his arms like Yáo had, but Grace didn’t seem particularly motivated to move them. He was completely limp now, the only sign that he was awake being a quiet whine and soft sniffling sounds as he was moved.

Yáo unwrapped the quilt from around him and tucked it around Ilyukhina and Grace. He stroked Grace’s hair briefly before he settled himself directly next to Ilyukhina, their arms just barely touching. His instincts wouldn’t let him move any further away than that.

Rocky watched as they maneuvered Grace around like a ragdoll. ”Thought Little is good,” he said, an air of confusion coming through on the translator. ”Why Grace so upset? Question.”

Ilyukhina was completely silent now, her attention entirely devoted to the Little in her lap. She seemed completely awestruck. Yáo wondered distantly if this was her first time ever holding a Little like this. He could hardly blame her for looking so enraptured. The feeling was truly like nothing else. Whatever the case, she was completely entranced, rocking Grace back and forth.

Yáo tore his eyes away from them so he could focus on his answer. He was equally as entranced as Ilyukhina was, it seemed. “When people don’t go into their headspace for a long time, they can crash very hard the next time it happens.” He glanced back at them as Ilyukhina slid Grace off of her lap so he was low enough that she could hold his head to her chest. Grace turned his head to the side. His eyes were completely bloodshot.

Yáo cleared his throat and continued. “It’s called ‘dropping.’ The longer it’s been, and the more stress someone is under, the worse the drop will be.” Grace sniffled wetly and shoved two of his fingers in his mouth. “Grace has not regressed for several years and has been unable to regress the entire time he has been awake up here. It’s no wonder that he has dropped so badly now.”

Rocky warbled sadly and knocked his carapace against the front of the xenonite. Yáo could sympathize. He reached out to knock his fist on the outside of Rocky’s ball like Grace often did. The action seemed to bring some comfort to the Eridian.

“Oh, Gracie.”

Yáo looked back at the two of them. Ilyukhina was frowning as she gently pulled Grace’s fingers out of his mouth. Yáo was confused for a second before he saw ribbons of red streaking down his fingers.

Holy shit.

Grace had bitten his fingers so hard they bled. And even worse, he hardly seemed to notice that he had done it.

Grace’s breathing picked up and he tried to stuff his fingers back into his mouth. Ilyukhina grabbed his wrist before he could. Grace whimpered.

“Yáo, could you—?”

“I’ve got it.”

Yáo sprung to his feet and leapt across the lab, retrieving a box of tissues from one of the tables. He tore a couple out of the box and crouched down beside the two. Ilyukhina held Grace’s hand out so Yáo could wipe his fingers off with one of them. There was a bit of a sticky residue left on Grace’s fingers. They would have to properly clean them off later, but this would do for now.

He used the other tissue to dab the remaining tears from Grace’s eyes. “There we go,” crumpling both of the tissues and pocketing them. “All clean.”

Grace once again tried to put his fingers in his mouth. Ilyukhina did not let him. Grace was decidedly not happy with this and tried squirming out of Ilyukhina’s hold.

“Shh, shh-shh,” she hushed, holding him tighter and stroking his hair with her one free hand. “God, if only Stratt wasn’t such an asshole.”

“Ilyukhina,” Yáo warned, glancing pointedly at the Little in the room.

“What? It’s true!” she griped. “All of her planning and she did not think he would ever drop. He has nothing here. If he had, uh, how do you call it? The– the thing that babies suck on?”

“A pacifier?”

“Yes, that. If he had a pacifier, he would not bite holes in his fingers.”

Yáo frowned, but he couldn’t say he disagreed. He cursed Stratt for probably the hundredth time.

”New item found on ship manifest.”

Everyone startled. Yáo and Ilyukhina looked up at the ceiling.

“Sorry?” Yáo asked, his frown deepening.

”New item found on ship manifest,” the Mary repeated.

“What new item? How can we have a new item? We are orbiting a completely different star,” Ilyukhina asked.

“I don’t know,” Yáo replied, just as confused as she was. “Mary, what’s the new item? Where is it?”

”The new item is a box containing the personal effects of Dr. Ryland Grace,” she answered in her mechanical voice. ”Item is located in the laboratory. It is underneath a false bottom in the top drawer of Storage Cabinet E.”

“A false bottom?” Yáo was puzzled. He and Ilyukhina made bewildered eye contact before he stood. He made his way over to the aforementioned storage cabinet. The drawer in question was filled with boxes of nitrile gloves. Yáo emptied it quickly and felt along the bottom of the drawer.

Sure enough, the bottom shifted, and Yáo was able to dig his fingers underneath and pry the bottom up. He found a small box at the bottom, just like the Mary had said there would be. He picked it up and went back to the group on the floor.

“Rocky?” Yáo asked, directing his gaze towards the Eridian.

Rocky chirped. Yáo set the box down on the ground in front of him. Rocky tapped the floor multiple times in many different places, then inched closer and clicked his claws.

”Strange items,” Rocky said after a few moments of “looking.” ”Rocky not know what they are. Apologies.”

“That’s okay, Rocky,” said Ilyukhina. “Can you tell what they are made out of?”

Rocky hummed and clicked his claws again. ”Many different materials,” he replied. ”Plastic, fabric, silicone, metal. Some materials Rocky not recognize.”

Yáo and Ilyukhina exchanged a glance. “That’s an interesting mix of materials,” said Yáo. “And you said there are multiple items inside?”

”Yes, eight items.”

“Eight?” Yáo furrowed his brow. “Mary, who put the box there?”

”The item was brought in by two members of the medical team: Dr. Anthony Stewart and Ingrid Hoffmann, CRNP.”

“I don’t recognize either of those names,” said Yáo. “Do you?”

Ilyukhina shook her head. “Why would they put this here? Are they medical items? Why hide medical items?” she thought out loud.

“Mary said they are Grace’s personal items,” Yáo reminded her.

“Why don’t we just open the box?” Ilyukhina sounded mildly irritated now. Grace picked up on the change in mood and whined, squirming in her arms. Ilyukhina began rocking him again. "Shh, you're alright," she hushed. "Relax, Gracie. Just relax."

Grace's blinks got longer and slower as he settled down again. He sniffled miserably.

Yáo threw caution to the wind and clicked open the sides of the box, pulling the lid off. He set it on the ground beside him and looked inside.

“Oh,” said Yáo. His voice wavered.

“What is it?” Ilyukhina asked impatiently. She craned her neck to try and get a better view.

Yáo pulled out the item at the very top of the box and unfolded it, holding it up for Ilyukhina to see. It was a pale yellow baby blanket with a shimmery pink border. There was an embroidered design of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in the bottom right corner.

Immediately, Grace perked up and stretched his hand out towards the blanket with a whine. Ilyukhina let go of his wrist, and he started making grabbing motions. Yáo handed it over and nearly melted at the way he cuddled into the fabric. Grace rubbed his cheek against the blanket and cooed softly.

“They packed his Little things?” Ilyukhina asked, shocked.

“I guess they did.”

Yáo focused his attention on the rest of the items in the box. He pulled out the next bigger item, which was a very well-loved stuffed fox. Its fur was matted and clumped from decades of love with very few washes. It was maybe a foot or a foot and a half lengthwise and most of its stuffing was deflated.

“Foxy,” Grace mumbled, startling all of the adult-minded people in the room with his first words in a very long while. He pulled his cheek away from the blanket and raised his head up to look at the stuffed animal properly.

Ilyukhina shifted him in her arms. “Gracie?”

Grace whined and squirmed his hand out again to reach for the stuffed animal. Yáo obliged once again. Grace took it and cuddled it to his chest, crying softly into both the fox’s fur and his blanket.

“I guess he remembers them,” said Yáo. "These must be his personal Little things from back home."

Ilyukhina continued to rock Grace as he cried into the fox’s fuzzy tummy. “Someone knew he needed these," she mused sadly. "He had to have had a Caregiver back on Earth. What else is in there?”

Yáo looked down at the box again. He picked up one of three large round containers. “Three things of Little formula,” he said. “This must be the metal you saw, Rocky.” He set the container down on the ground. “There is also a pacifier, a teether, and some kind of silicone pendant. That’s everything.”

“No bottles?” Ilyukhina frowned. “Why would they send formula with no bottles?”

“There’s no efficient way to wash dishes up here, that’s my guess,” said Yáo. “The water pouches we get have narrow openings, almost like a bottle. I think whoever put them here thought we could add them to those.”

“That makes sense. But who put it here? Who authorized it? How did the medical team get his things?"

“Maybe someone paid them off,” Yáo suggested.

“But who? Certainly not Stratt.”

“No, no, not Stratt,” Yáo agreed. "Maybe his Caregiver? I wonder who that was." He picked up the pacifier and popped off the plastic shield. “Grace, look at me,” he said. Grace obliged, lifting his face from the stuffed animal. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Yáo pressed the silicone against Grace’s bottom lip. Grace looked startled for a second before he opened his mouth and let Yáo slip it inside. His tears slowed as the pacifier bobbed rhythmically in his mouth.

“It had to have been someone with authority,” he continued, eyes locked on Grace. “Someone who knew Grace was a Little who could also get past Stratt’s security. Given that even we did not know Grace was a Little, that narrows down our list significantly.”

Yáo went silent for a long moment. He and Ilyukhina made eye contact, coming to the same conclusion at the exact same time.

“Carl,” they said in unison.

Grace sniffled, perking up a bit at the mention of the name.

“Oh, it was definitely Carl,” said Ilyukhina, rubbing a hand up and down Grace’s arm. “He and Gracie went everywhere together. He had to know Gracie was a Little.”

”Carl, question?” Rocky perked up.

“Stratt’s head of security,” Yáo explained shortly. “He and Grace were close."

"Maybe Carl was his Caregiver," Ilyukhina suggested.

"I always though Carl was a Baseline," Yáo frowned. Ilyukhina shrugged.

Grace whimpered, and Yáo decided that was where the discussion should end.

Ilyukhina combed her fingers through Grace’s hair and crooned softly at him in Russian. Grace clutched his stuffed animal tighter. “I think it’s time for bed, hm?” She stroked his cheek with her knuckles. “You have had a very long day.”

“I agree,” said Yáo. He had a sudden thought and reached over to pull one of Grace’s legs closer to him. Rocky had said Grace had fallen because his ankle got caught around the leg of his chair. It had slipped his mind earlier to look for an injury.

Ilyukhina hummed, then stopped her petting. “You have more experience than me— do you know his age range? I have been wondering.”

Yáo tilted his head. He set Grace’s foot on the floor in front of him and rolled down his sock. “Fairly young,” he replied. He gently turned Grace’s foot, checking his ankle from every angle. “Drops can make Littles younger temporarily, but I wouldn’t put him as older than five. Even that’s generous.” The ankle was slightly red. There would probably be some bruising in the morning.

Ilyukhina resumed her gentle rocking, careful not to disrupt Yáo’s movements. “How old do you think he is now?”

Yáo prodded the ankle gently. Grace winced, but didn’t make any noise. There was very little swelling and no obvious displacement. “Mm… maybe eighteen months? He could be younger. It’s hard to tell.” He rolled Grace’s sock back up and gently patted his foot.

“Wow.” Ilyukhina looked down at Grace with awe in her eyes. “You’re so little, huh? Just a little baby.”

Grace sucked harder on his pacifier and squished a flushed cheek into her chest. Ilyukhina chuckled. “Only teasing,” she said. She looked up at Yáo again. “Do we have a way to, ah—”

She trailed off. Yáo raised an eyebrow, motioning for her to go on.

“Do we have a way to prevent accidents? If he is that young? Littles that young usually have trouble with accidents, yes?”

“Ah, crap,” said Yáo. He leaned back and groaned quietly. He hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t think we do.”

“I figured,” Ilyukhina smiled mirthlessly. “Hard to get diapers past Stratt. They are quite bulky.”

“Hm.” Yáo glanced to the side, thinking. “Maybe we can come up with a solution another day. Once he’s Big again we can ask if he usually needs them. We could get lucky.”

Ilyukhina frowned. “You think he will remember that?”

“Not sure,” Yáo shrugged, “but it’s worth a shot, eh?”

“True.”

“It’s possible this is also a one-time thing,” Yáo continued. He studied Grace for a moment. Grace was staring at nothing now. His eyelids drooped. He looked about five seconds away from completely passing out. He kept sucking on his pacifier with quiet intent. “We will have to wait and see.”

Ilyukhina’s frown deepened, but Yáo cut in before she could say anything more on that. “If he has an accident tonight, we’ll deal with it. Hopefully he won’t, but if he does. it’s not the end of the world.”

Ilyukhina chuckled. “It kind of is.”

“Well, that’s an entirely different issue,” Yáo smiled. He scooched closer and reached a hand slowly towards Grace so he wouldn’t scare him. He stroked Grace’s bangs away from his forehead. “Now, let’s get you to bed, little man. It’s far past your bedtime.”

Yáo put the formula container back into the box and closed the lid. He stood, taking the box with him and placing it in the crook of his elbow. Ilyukhina adjusted the quilt so it was wrapped fully around Grace. She hooked her hands under Grace’s arms and hefted him up. She settled him on her hip, frowning as his feet brushed the floor.

“Jeez, Gracie, can you lift your feet up? You are so tall for being a Little.”

Grace didn’t seem to hear her. His legs remained entirely motionless.

“Give him here,” said Yáo. He was reluctant to take him from her, and clearly she was too, but Grace had already caught his foot on one thing tonight. He didn’t need a second injury on top of it.

Ilyukhina’s instincts thankfully seemed to have quelled enough to allow her to hand him over. Yáo took him into his arms and settled him against his own hip. He held Grace with one arm and angled his torso so that Ilyukhina could grab the box from him. Grace whimpered at the transfer, and Yáo bounced him gently.

“Shh, you're okay,” he soothed, hiking him up so his feet didn’t brush against the ground. It was a close thing, but he had a few inches on Ilyukhina, so thankfully it worked.

Grace clutched his blanket and his stuffed animal close to his chest and dropped his forehead to Yáo’s shoulder. Yáo took that as his cue to start moving.

The walk to the crew’s quarters was brief but stressful. Grace’s breathing kept hitching, like he was on the verge of another crying fit. Yáo had to work hard to prevent him from completely working himself up again. Rocky followed closely behind them, tapping the ground anxiously as they went. Yáo thought that he was trying to keep a figurative eye on Grace. If Eridians had classifications, Yáo knew Rocky would undoubtably be a Caregiver.

“Poor Gracie,” Ilyukhina crooned as they entered the room. Grace’s shoulders were shaking from the force of trying to hold back his sobs. “His hormones must be going crazy.”

Yáo hummed and focused his attention on soothing Grace as best as he could. He placed his hand over the back of Grace’s head and pressed his face into his shoulder. He swayed from side to side as Ilyukhina made up Grace’s bed. Grace never made his bed no matter how many times any of them pestered him. Yáo was a bit of a neat freak, though he paled in comparison to Rocky. Ilyukhina tended to operate on the principle of “organized chaos,” but she at least made her bed. Grace was a lost cause. He was probably the most unorganized person any of them had ever met. Maybe the three of them could help him with that. It probably would help with managing his stress going forward.

Yáo was shaken out of his thoughts by the sensation of something wet soaking the fabric of his collar. Grace let out a wet-sounding sob. His arms squeezed tightly around Yáo, squishing his stuffed animal between them.

“Shh, you’re okay,” he cooed softly. “You can cry if you need to. Just breathe, okay?”

Yáo took a few slow, exaggerated breaths. Grace matched the pace. He hiccuped, and tears continued to flow, but his breathing remained even. He wasn’t working himself up like he was before.

“Good,” he praised. Then, to Ilyukhina and Rocky: “I think he’s finally settling.”

“That’s good.” Ilyukhina patted the sheets and smoothed them out. She went over to her bed, then Yáo’s bed, grabbing their pillows and dropping them onto Grace’s bed. “There we go.”

Yáo padded over to the bed and settled Grace down on the mattress. “Could you grab some pajamas for him?” he asked quietly, keeping careful contact with Grace.

“Sure.” Ilyukhina went to one of Grace’s trunks to do exactly that. She dug around, cursing softly. “Of course this is messy, too,” she grumbled. “How does he find anything in here?”

Yáo chuckled, keeping his eyes on Grace. He placed his hands on his shoulders when Grace began to wobble dangerously. “Easy,” he murmured. “I’ve got you.”

Grace sucked harder on his pacifier and hugged his fox and his blanket closer to his chest.

“Got it!” said Ilyukhina, holding the pajamas out for him.

Yáo took them and placed them to the side. He unraveled the quilt from around Grace and set that aside, too. Then he pushed Grace gently down onto his back and reached for the button on his jeans. Ilyukhina politely turned away.

”What is Yáo doing, question?” Rocky asked, speaking for the first time in several minutes.

“Grace is too young to undress himself, so I am doing it for him,” he answered easily, shimmying Grace’s pants down his legs. He was careful not to catch the fabric against his injured ankle as he pulled them off.

”Understand,” said Rocky. ”Little Grace lose motor function, question?”

“Yes.” Yáo threaded Grace’s legs through the pajama pants and pulled them up, lifting him so he could pull them over his hips.

”Like Eridian pebbles,” said Rocky with an inquisitive hum.

Yáo dreaded the next part, but he knew it had to be done. He steeled himself, then grabbed the stuffed animal and the blanket from Grace’s arms, keeping his grip firm so Grace couldn’t yank them back.

“I know, I know,” he crooned, his heart nearly breaking at Grace’s teary eyes and breathy whimpers. “I just need your arms free so I can change your shirt. You can have them back right after I’m done.”

Grace either didn’t believe him or couldn’t understand what he was saying, because his face scrunched up and he let out the most heart-wrenching sob ever. He was so exhausted that he couldn’t do much more than that, his arms remaining limp as Yáo maneuvered his old shirt off of him and dressed him in the clean one.

“Here you go,” he soothed, placing the fox and the blanket back into his arms as soon as he finished dressing him. Grace whimpered. Yáo grabbed his arms and pulled him into a seated position before sitting down on the bed and tugging him into his lap. “You’re okay,” he murmured against Grace’s hair. “You were so brave. That was scary, huh?”

Grace cried softly, wrapping one arm around him and gripping his sweater. Yáo kept him there for a long moment, figuring it probably wasn’t a good idea to set him down just yet. His control over his emotions was extremely tumultuous right now, and physical contact seemed to be the only thing preventing another total meltdown.

Slowly he began inching back onto the bed until his back hit the pillows Ilyukhina had propped up against the wall. He slowly laid down and settled Grace against him, adjusting him so he was draped across his torso with his arms dangling by Yáo’s sides. Grace’s face was pressed into Yáo’s neck. Yáo wriggled Foxy and the blanket out from between them and lifted Grace’s arm to tuck them underneath. Grace seemed to adore this new position and snuggled further into him.

Yáo looked up and saw Ilyukhina staring intently at them.

“Come,” he gestured with one hand, settling it down on Grace’s back when they were done.

Ilyukhina didn’t hesitate. She climbed onto the bed next to them and grabbed the quilt so she could drape it over the three of them. She curled up next to Yáo and reached a hand out to stroke Grace’s hair. The harsh lines on her face smoothed out into a gentle smile.

The three of them laid there for a few minutes, content to just exist together in their exhausted haze. Grace’s breathing slowed more. He turned his head to the side, squishing his cheek against Yáo’s shoulder. He breathed deeply, but his eyes were half-lidded— awake, but just barely. He sucked his pacifier softly.

Rocky came over and settled himself beside the bed. His whole attention seemed to be focused on the three of them.

“Rocky, you’ve been quiet,” Ilyukhina murmured, breaking the silence. She was careful to keep her volume low so as to not wake Grace. “What’s up?”

”Rocky observing,” Rocky said, matching her tone."Grace behavior different.”

“Very different,” Ilyukhina hummed.

”Good different?”

“Better now,” said Yáo. “And he will continue to get better.”

Rocky shuffled slightly. ”Grace behavior normal for Littles, question?”

“Which ones?” Yáo asked, though he already had his suspicions of what this was about.

”Crying, screaming, hurt self. Pebbles do similar when very very very upset. Normal for Littles?”

Rocky sounded a little anxious. Yáo was quick to shake his head, careful not to jostle Grace. “No, no, that’s not normal behavior for Littles.”

”Behavior because of fall down, question?”

Yáo and Ilyukhina looked at each other, equally confused. “Oh,” said Ilyukhina, “you mean dropping?”

”Yes, that. Need word.”

“We can update the dictionary when Gracie is back to his normal headspace,” Ilyukhina agreed. “And yes.”

“Dropping is very distressing,” Yáo added. “There are so many hormones flooding the Little’s system that it completely overwhelms them. Their brains can’t process it all.” He drew broad circles over Grace’s back. Grace thankfully remained in his blissful half-asleep state, though he did shift his head so he could press his cheek to Yáo’s chest. Yáo had the thought that maybe he found the sound and feeling of his voice soothing, like his daughters both had. The thought of that made his heart bloom with warmth.

Rocky seemed to consider this. ”Understand,” he said. ”Will Grace be Big tomorrow, question?”

“I don’t know,” Yáo replied. “Maybe. His grasp on his headspace may still be shaky. With a drop this hard, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was Little for a while.”

”How long is usual, question? When not fall down.”

“It depends on the Little,” Yáo replied. Grace snuggled closer, humming contentedly. “Some only regress for a few hours. Some need a few days or weeks. Some are even in their headspaces most of the time. We’ll have to see what Grace’s normal headspace is like once he is out of his drop.”

”Have more questions,” said Rocky, just as Grace’s eyes finally fluttered shut. ”Will ask tomorrow. Humans need sleep.”

Yáo let out a jaw-cracking yawn, suddenly reminded of his exhaustion. Ilyukhina wasn’t far behind. She, like Grace, seemed to be barely hanging onto consciousness at this point. “Good idea,” said Yáo. “It’s been a long night for all of us. We could all use some sleep.”

”Yes, sleep," Rocky said impatiently. ”Will watch.”

“Thank you, Rocky,” Ilyukhina hummed. She pressed her cheek into the side of Yáo’s upper arm. “Goodnight.”

”Goodnight, Ilyukhina and Yáo. Goodnight, Little Grace.”

Yáo chuckled. His eyes were beginning to feel heavy. He could feel himself succumbing to the pull of sleep. “Goodnight Rocky.”

To his surprise, as soon as he closed his eyes, tears began to leak out. He opened them again, blinking rapidly. He furrowed his brow as tears continued to fall. He sniffled, prompting Ilyukhina to open her eyes.

“Yáo?” she asked softly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, frowning. He sniffled again and wiped his eyes. He shuddered softly and forced himself to stop shaking so he wouldn’t wake the Little asleep across his chest. “I don’t know. It just came over me all of a sudden.”

”Yáo leaky,” Rocky warbled, sounding confused.

“Maybe you’re just overwhelmed?” Ilyukhina suggested. She squeezed his arm. “You’re a Caregiver. You have needs, too.”

“Maybe,” Yáo blinked. His eyes were burning.

“Besides,” Ilyukhina continued. “Crying is good. That is what you said earlier. It is good to get your emotions out.”

Yáo chuckled softly. He scrubbed his eyes with his fist. “Throwing my own words back at me, huh? I can’t even be mad. You’re right.” He stared up at the ceiling and waited for the tears to slow on their own, making no move to stop himself from crying now. They did, and his eyes slowly dried again.

His eyes felt much heavier than before, now. He turned to look at Ilyukhina, smiling softly. “Thank you,” he said.

Ilyukhina smiled. “We have to be here for each other,” she said, squeezing his arm again.

Yáo hummed, his smile broadening. “We do,” he agreed softly. He rubbed Grace’s back and yawned again.

“Okay, enough emotions for tonight,” said Ilyukhina, closing her eyes. “Goodnight, Yáo.”

“Goodnight, Ilyukhina.”

Yáo’s eyes drifted shut. He felt warm and content and much calmer than he had in a very long time. He suspected Ilyukhina felt the same, and Grace would too, in time. Of course, there were still many conversations to be had, but right now, the best thing for all of them to do was get some rest.

He drifted away to the soft snores of Ilyukhina to his left, the heavy weight of Grace on top of him, and the watchful gaze of Rocky off to his side.

Things were far from perfect, but they would make do with what they had. What was that thing Rocky said? They would build with the stones beneath them. Together, they could get through anything.