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Suzaku collapsed on his bed with a sigh, still clad in his Zero outfit. Normally, he would shed his clothing the moment he returned, but right now he was too exhausted to mind the grime still clinging to the fabric.
It had been two weeks since U.F.N. regrouped and initiated negotiations to rebuild the ruins of war, fourteen days and three hours since he brought an abrupt end to the demon emperor’s rule. While the world supported one another in healing, the incision in Suzaku’s chest remained, unseen and untreated.
Killing his best friend had been difficult. Living on without him was torture.
The day Suzaku delivered his first speech as the new Zero, he began sleeping with a towel on his pillow, knowing he would cry himself to sleep each night. One week passed, and Suzaku could finally look at pictures of Lelouch again. A couple of days later, Jeremiah no longer paused by his door to check on him every evening. By the twelfth day, Suzaku stopped flinching at every mention of Lelouch’s name.
That was, until the U.F.N members started discussing the demon king’s burial.
Suzaku had already frozen before the representatives could ask for his input, and it was thanks to Kaguya that they postponed the matter, steering the conversation elsewhere.
How ironic it was that Suzaku wished that Lelouch were here to teach him how to move on.
He’d spent the rest of the meeting with his fists clenched at his sides, jaw tight, the sensation of warm blood trickling down his arms playing over and over again in his mind. Did they stitch up the wound Suzaku had left him? Had they handled his body with care?
How could he continue when he’d thought the peak of his grief had passed?
While Lelouch had purposefully left behind a legacy of tyranny and bloodshed, he’d unintentionally left Suzaku with evidence of everything he lacked: wit, intellect, charisma.
The world knew that he wasn’t the original Zero, but that was insignificant. Whoever was behind the mask was irrelevant, so long as Zero lived on as a symbol and carried out his duties as the knight of peace and justice.
Suzaku had never felt so alone.
How could he hope to lead the Black Knights if he couldn’t move forward after Lelouch’s death? He had to compose himself quickly, for the world was most vulnerable when its fractures started to mend.
“I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t believe in you.”
Suzaku sprang upright, searching for the voice’s source. When all he found was silence, he scowled, disappointed to have confused a memory with reality yet again.
Still…what if he’d subconsciously reminded himself of it for a reason?
Pushing himself off the bed, he strode towards a wardrobe he hadn’t opened since that day, pulling his Knight of Zero uniform from its special hooks.
Flicking on his bedside lamp, he traced the golden stitching of the cape with his thumb, watching it gleam softly beneath the light.
He’d finally understood why Lelouch had stayed up late into the night, cooped up in his study for days on end.
“What’s this?” Suzaku asked, taking the papers from Lelouch’s hands. They were slightly crumpled, with eraser smudges and pencil markings here and there.
“My new robes,” he announced with a hint of pride. “What do you think?”
“Lelouch,” he breathed. “These are…gorgeous.”
Hell, he could easily be a fashion designer in another life.
“Wait ‘til you see the rest of it.”
“The rest of…?” Suzaku frowned. “This looks perf—complete to me.”
“No, you idiot. Turn the page.”
And so he did, careful not to smudge the drawings further, only to see—
“Lelouch.”
“Yes?”
“Are you serious?”
“About what?” The emperor asked slyly.
Suzaku sighed. “I am not wearing that.”
“Sorry, emperor’s decree,” Lelouch smirked. “Don’t worry, I’ve taken your flexibility into account. You’ll still be in peak fighting condition.”
Thigh-high boots that gave him the extra height, slick leather armguards that covered his see-through mesh shirt just enough to expose his shoulders…was Lelouch dressing him up to eliminate or seduce his enemies?
He jumped when bony hands wrapped around his right bicep.
“Lelouch, what—?”
“Taking your measurements.” His hands travelled to his waist, adjusting the thin tape. “Please relax. I won’t accept any errors in my calculations.”
It was one of the hardest things he’d had to do. Up until then, Suzaku hadn’t even known he was ticklish.
Lelouch clucked his tongue disapprovingly. “Quit squirming,” he grumbled, clasping a hand firmly beneath his ribcage.
“I’m trying!” The knight hissed, arching when he felt the emperor’s breath on his back.
“Hm. You have a birthmark on your hip,” he noted matter-of-factly.
“I do? Where?”
“Right here.”
Suzaku shook his head before the memory played out any further. Wouldn’t it be enough to simply reminisce on the fact that Lelouch designed custom outfits for them both? He never found out what his intentions for that were, but he supposed it didn’t matter. As it turned out, his Knight of Zero outfit fit him perfectly, and he could engage in combat with his usual ease. Sure, he’d gotten a few strange looks from Lloyd and Cécile, but he’d had more important things to think about.
Fighting alongside Lelouch had been far more exhilarating than he’d anticipated, and he’d guiltily discovered he enjoyed being told what to do by him. Taking on his former allies as he protected his king…their promise…Suzaku didn’t think he’d experience such an intense emotion after Euphie’s death.
Maybe that’s why Lelouch kept trying to recruit me over and over again. He knew before I did.
It was better late than never, at least. Serving as his one true knight, fighting at his side, and spending those final days with him were moments Suzaku would always treasure.
Shifting his cape off the coat rack, a small smile crept onto his face when he thought back to the evening Lelouch knighted him in the throne room.
Suzaku hadn’t expected Lelouch to want to proceed with the ritual at all. But the man had requested that he wear his Knight of Zero costume, and truth be told, he was a little excited to wear it for the first time. Despite how scandalous it looked, the design remained spectacular.
…that, and Lelouch would be wearing his new emperor robes too.
He bit his lip as he imagined what his friend would look like; would the outfit be just as stunning in person? White wasn’t exactly Lelouch’s color, pertaining more to traditional Britannian royalty, but Suzaku supposed that was the beautiful irony of it — becoming what he rejected in order to destroy it for good.
Suzaku hesitated when he stepped into a dark throne room. A couple of lights illuminated the throne, while the rest of the room was bare.
“Where is everyone?”
“It’s not necessary for them to be present,” Lelouch waved a hand dismissively. “They already know about our plans.”
“Then…why bother knighting me here at all?” Suzaku asked. “Technically speaking, I’ve been your knight for a month now, ceremony or no ceremony.”
“I wanted to make our bond official. From now, there will be no pulling out of Zero Requiem.”
Suzaku was about to object, as he’d never wanted to give up in the first place, but kept quiet as Lelouch beckoned him with a finger.
“Come, my knight.”
He padded towards him, heels clicking loudly against the marble floor. Well, at least he knew stealth missions on foot were out of the question.
His emperor’s pale complexion seemed warmer against his equally pale outfit, the gold accents complementing his violet eyes beautifully. Suzaku was wrong. White was a good color on Lelouch after all.
“Wow, Lelouch. You look…”
“Kneel.”
Suzaku blinked up in surprise but nodded, dropping to his knees as he’d done many times before. He was bound to regret his next words if he’d spoken them, anyway.
“Kururugi Suzaku. Wilt thou swear this day to do battle as a knight of Britannia?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Wilt thou abandon thy self-sacrificial and self-destructive tendencies for the sake of justice?”
So he’d changed the rules for this, too. Suzaku would go along with it.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
He unsheathed the sword from his hip, pointing the blade towards his breast and presenting the hilt to Lelouch. When Lelouch took it from him, he bowed deeper.
Suzaku stiffened when he felt cold metal against his shoulders. Curse that thin, see-through mesh.
But what caught him off guard, however, was Lelouch repositioning the sword under his chin, gently tilting his head upward until their gazes met.
“What does Zero Requiem mean to you?” Lelouch asked, voice hushed.
Reaching out slowly, Suzaku placed two fingers against the underside of the blade, making sure his eyes never left Lelouch’s face.
“It’s an oath for the future,” he spoke with conviction, stroking his thumb along the blade as he did so, committing its texture to memory. “It’s proof that the past can never return, and that the harm we’ve inflicted cannot be undone.”
Running his hand down the blade towards himself, he opened his mouth, letting the tip rest on top of his tongue. Without thinking, he pierced his tongue on the blade, tasting his own blood. His eyes went half-lidded when he caught Lelouch’s flustered expression, and he retracted the sword smoothly as though nothing had happened.
“In the name of the fallen, I promise to carve this world anew with you by my side, so that time may flow forward,” Suzaku vowed. “Your blood is mine, and mine is yours.”
“Suzaku, you’re…”
Had he imagined the faint tremor in his emperor’s voice?
“…perfect,” Lelouch whispered. “Rise, Kururugi Suzaku.”
He obeyed, slowly pushing himself upright as he slid the tainted blade back into its sheath.
“I, Lelouch vi Britannia, dub thee…Knight of Zero.”
Suzaku smiled warmly, the weight of the new title brushing over him like a lover’s kiss. At last, a title he could proudly brandish.
“You will eventually answer to the world, but now…” Lelouch breathed, his hand rising to cup Suzaku’s cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against his skin. “You answer to me.”
Suzaku couldn’t suppress the sob that rose to his chest. It had been the first time since Lelouch’s death that he’d cried with his chest flooded with warmth rather than pain.
And while Suzaku could never truly replace Lelouch as Zero, it was precisely why he was needed for this new world they had created. He didn’t have to become Lelouch; he only had to become the man Lelouch had believed he could be.
The role of Zero now felt like a wish, not a burden.
I fear you’ll always have a place in my heart. Even if time erodes me into something neither of us would recognize, I vow to keep the fire we started alive. I’ll protect what we built and keep your seat warm, wherever you may be watching from.